


Home Isn't Always A Place

by leftmywingshome



Series: They Don't Make Fairy tales Sweeter Than Ours [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Beth and Daryl find each other no matter where they are, Consensual Non-Consent, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Learning to trust, Loss, Masturbation, Mentions of Suicide, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:22:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 255,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftmywingshome/pseuds/leftmywingshome
Summary: ‘Guilt is the worst demon to bear, strangling you from the inside of your body. Apologize. Make amends. Let go. Breathe free.’ - Nikita Gill Ultimate Bethyl Fic List 2018 Moonshine Award Winner 1st Place Best WIPSome people wear their guilt like an armor even when it’s misplaced. Daryl is letting go of his, he doesn’t have much of a choice, but it isn’t easy. Beth, on the other hand, has hers wrapped so tightly around her frail shoulders if it wasn’t there who would she be? Maybe it’s fate, the fact that they meet in the woods one day. And despite their differences, they have a lot in common- mainly an overwhelming guilt for their actions and a bitter loneliness for the isolation they’ve created for themselves. Can a friendship that starts at a funeral for a bird be the catalyst that helps them both find their way?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **This one is like a movie in my head. I have a tentative idea of where it’s going, but how it gets there is going to be as much of a surprise to me as it is to you all!**

 

The steps leading up to the porch where Beth is sitting are worn smooth in spots. The house is over a hundred years old. It’s impossible to imagine how many feet assisted in the wearing and why they chose these steps at all. The sun’s low over the horizon. Soon it will disappear and leave the world around her in darkness. The heat, however, won’t be going anywhere until the wee hours of the morning when it cools off a bit, giving every living thing a reprieve for just a moment.

 

Looking down at where her legs are stretched out in front her she notices the blue polish on her toes is chipping in places leaving little flesh colored spots. There was a time when she’d jump up and fix them immediately, a time when there would have never been any chips in the polish at all. But that was then and this is now. She’s imperfect. The difference between then and now is she isn’t trying to hide it anymore. The screen door squeaks and instead of turning to see who has joined her on the porch she keeps her eyes on her toes. Maggie sits down beside her on the step.

 

“I was thinking we ought to talk to daddy about moving his bedroom to the first floor. Those stairs make me nervous.” Her voice is soft, almost tender. But she is talking about their daddy and he still has a place in her big sister's heart.

 

“Ok.”  Beth agrees. Watching her daddy climb up and down the stairs terrifies her too. But for very different reasons than Maggie’s.

 

“Well alright then if that’s all ya got to offer.” The brisk tone is back, one Beth is all too familiar with. She feels the stir in the air as her sister stands up.

 

“I said ok. I agree with you.” Leaning over Beth picks at the flaking polish. Waiting. It doesn’t take long.

 

“I know you do.” The screen door slams shut and Beth is left alone on the porch, the crickets and fireflies the only witnesses to the tears she tries her best to hide.

 

* * *

 

When Beth was a little girl, she had a mama. A beautiful, perfect, angel of a mama. And she was Beth’s world. Of course, she had to share her with her brother and sister, but it always felt like mama belonged more to her than to anyone else. Except for daddy. Daddy loved mama like the sun loved the moon. That’s what he said when he’d twirl her around the kitchen late at night when they thought all the children were in bed asleep.

 

Beth had come down to get a drink of water. It made her feel brave to go all the way downstairs to the kitchen in the dark. Because she was the youngest and small for her age doing brave things was important. That first night there were soft voices and a flickering glow from the kitchen. Beth had tiptoed to the door and peeked around the threshold. At five years old she’d thought it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Her mama and daddy dancing and daddy telling her, _“I love you like the sun loves the moon, my sweet girl.”_

 

It had happened more than once and she’d never been caught until one day she’d asked her mama to tell her the story of the sun and the moon. Mama had been hanging sheets on the line to dry in the sunshine and Beth had thought her hair was like the sun and she remembered what she’d seen and blurted it out without thinking,

 

_“Mama tell me the story of the sun and the moon, how he loved her.”_ Her mama turned and looked at her and she knew she’d been found out. She’d cried and apologized for spying on her parents, but her mama hadn’t been mad and she didn’t have to muck out stalls for misbehaving. All her mama had said was,

 

_“One-day baby girl you’re gonna fall in love and if he treats you like your daddy treats me if he loves you like the sun loves the moon, never let him go.”_

 

When her mama died three years later no one understood Beth’s crying jags and how she would go on and on about the moon and how the sun needed the moon. They dismissed it as grief. She was still just a little girl. This was her way of dealing with it. But her daddy knew. Even though she’d stop crying the minute she noticed him watching her, she saw it in his eyes. She’d lost her mama and he’d lost his moon.

 

Those years between losing her mama and almost losing her daddy exist somewhere else in her head. A place she doesn’t care to go because that’s when the bad thing happened. The bad thing comes back to her sometimes in dreams and it refuses to stay put like the others. So she can’t forget it. So she always remembers.

 

The summer she turned seventeen the world came crashing down around her again. She’d done her best to be ‘perfect Beth’ for nine long years. Her brother Shawn had left for college and Maggie not long after. They went on with her lives and left her behind in an empty house filled with sadness. A home that wasn’t home anymore. But that summer they’d both come back to help out and spend time with daddy and Beth. There had been things she’d wanted to say, needed to say, but the words seemed to get stuck in her throat.

 

Then the bathroom mirror had broke, the glass was there shining like an answer and she picked it up. When she saw the blood she’d found her voice and started screaming. Maggie was the one who found her and she was wrapping up Beth’s arm when Shawn came in and said he’d called an ambulance. Maggie had huffed out a breath and told him to cancel it because Beth was gonna be fine, she’d drive her to the ER herself. But the ambulance wasn’t for Beth. Daddy had fallen down the stairs in his hurry to get to her.

 

After dealing with the complications of a broken leg that lasted for two years, her daddy finally lost his leg. On paper, it was listed as complications from a badly broken leg and a bone infection that resulted in the amputation of Hershel Greene’s leg. But in Beth’s head and heart it was her selfishness, her incredibly stupid attempt to get attention that caused her daddy’s accident and the loss of his leg. Perfect Beth was gone.

 

Shawn and his little family moved back to Senoia and Maggie left Atlanta and came back to the farm. No one ever blamed Beth, the thought probably never even crossed their minds. It didn’t have too though, Beth carried the guilt on her frail shoulders regardless. Daddy seemed to find strength in having his children all so close by, even her. And for him, she would force a smile, try her best to be as close to perfect Beth as she could. But it was a struggle and so she’d escape every chance she got, to the woods or the loft in the barn.

 

She probably should have left and done something on her own. Maggie and Shawn had. Even though they came back, both had gone to college and graduated. A part of her had wanted too. She fantasized more than once about packing a bag and just going and not stopping until the hurting went away. Her guilt kept her from ever actually going through with it. She owed it to her family to stay on the farm and help out with everything her daddy couldn’t do anymore.

 

Eventually, she met the family that had moved into the farm next to the Greenes. The Dixons. They weren’t much for farming and mainly used the woods on their property for hunting and a place for their family to grow. Beth fell in love with the kids and they opened their arms to her, hired her to babysit and didn’t pay any mind to the rumors that swirled around the youngest Greene daughter.

 

They made her feel normal and she craved that. But she kept them at arm's length. Her family fell apart. She doesn’t get to have another.

 

* * *

 

Sighing Beth stretches and glances at the house. It’s dark, none of the windows are lit up by light from the inside. Daddy is probably in bed already and Maggie, she bets, is on her phone whispering to her boyfriend Glenn about how horrible Beth is. Heading away from the house and towards the barn, the loft offers her a solace her home doesn’t anymore.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl steers the motorcycle down Main Street. The motor rumbles beneath him as old, familiar places come into view. He’d grown up here in a house on the edge of town and then later in a shitty double-wide trailer out in the woods.

 

Not much has changed since he left Merle’s place five years ago. In fact, not much has changed since he was a kid. Not on this side of town anyway. On the north side, the new side it’s a different world. But right here, this street, it’s almost like time stood still. The little grocery and hardware store where he’d gone with him mama countless times are still there. The alley that led to the dumpsters where he’d ride his bike trying his best to keep up with Merle. A few things are new. There’s an antique store and a flower shop. And it looks like a bank has taken up residence in the old five and dime.

 

But it still has the feeling of home. A feeling he isn't completely comfortable with because home has always been such a painful concept for Daryl. He’s hoping that maybe coming back here now he can change that. Because it was home before with Merle and Carol and the kids. It was beginning to feel like the home he never had.

 

All he brought with him is the pack on his back and what his saddlebags can hold. When he’d took off before, he’d left everything he owned behind. He isn’t sure where it all went and it doesn’t matter much anyway. It was just things.

 

The sound of the bike draws some looks from people in town, but Daryl doesn’t pay any mind to that or them. He’s been looked at in a certain way all his life. Following the main road out of town, he heads in the opposite direction of the home he lived in until it burned down and the trailer that was his childhood hell. He’s not going there, this is a different direction. A different world and a much better place.

 

If he can let himself accept it.

 

The trees are green and lush and line the road as it winds out of town. Daryl feels a tight knot of nerves in the pit of his stomach as he comes upon the turnoff to his brother's place. It’s always been easier for him to leave. He’s never come back- not like this.

 

It’s not a farmhouse but an updated ranch style home that sits at the end of the drive. It was there when Merle and Carol inherited the land, but they’ve done a lot of work on the place. Added landscape and updated the windows. Merle’s truck is parked in front of the garage. Next to it is an SUV, Carol’s. There’s a soccer ball on the lawn and a basketball hoop over the garage. Two small bikes lay on their sides discarded by the boys they belong too. And trees, more trees. Not much of the property has been used for farming purposes in years. And certainly not since Merle and Carol moved in.

 

The shop Merle built with Daryl’s help, where he does auto repair is closed up. There’s an apartment above it. It’s where Daryl stayed before and where Carol insisted he stay this time, refusing to let him pay rent for a room or anything else. _“Family,”_ she’d said, _“belongs together.”_ And they need Daryl. Merle, her, Sophia, and the boys.

 

The boys. Obviously, they heard the bike as Daryl came down the drive. The front door opens and one little boy comes tearing across the lawn and out to where Daryl has stopped. It’s Beau, wearing a big smile and hopping on one foot. Up near the house, Carol stands with another little boy, long hair covering his eyes, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. Daryl Junior or DJ as everyone calls him, everyone except Daryl. He calls him little d. His namesake. Little d is the reason for Daryl’s disquiet. He thinks he can see the scar that mars the left side of his nephews face. Truthfully he’s really too far away, but that doesn't’ seem to register in Daryl’s brain. The scar is there and Daryl knows it.

 

“Uncle Daryl! You’re here!” Before he can even respond Beau wraps his arms around Daryl’s waist. At a loss for what to do with the little boy's show of affection Daryl awkwardly pats him on the head.

 

“Hey, Beau.”

 

“You ‘member me? I came an visited ya with daddy!” The kid is a talker. Like Merle. He lets go of Daryl and walks around the bike asking questions. Daryl just nods and watches out of the corner of his eye as Carol comes up.

 

“Daryl I’m so glad you’re here!” She wraps him in a warm hug. “It means so much, to all of us.” When she pulls back he sees the tears in her eyes and once again at a loss for words he just nods. Uncomfortable. Carol knows him and she doesn’t push.

 

“It’s family, my brother. Ain’t no question.” He glances over to where DJ is standing a few steps behind Carol.

 

“DJ come say hi to your Uncle Daryl.” Daryl watches as the little boy walks over and tilts his head to look up at Daryl. His hair falls back and it's there, a raised, red stripe about four inches long. It starts at the end of his eyebrow and runs down across his temple and cheekbone. Looking at it feels like someone punched Daryl in the chest. So hard he can barely catch his breath.

 

“Hi, Uncle Daryl.” He’s got a crooked smile and while most people would attribute it to the injury that caused the scar on his face, Daryl knows better. That crooked smile is his too.

 

“Hey, little d.” He forces himself too look DJ in the eye and not look away. Even though it hurts.

 

“Can I look at yer bike?” He’s sneaking looks at his brother who is kneeling by the engine checking it out like he knows what’s what.

 

“Sure, go on,” Daryl says. Carol shakes her head as they watch the boys circle the bike deep in conversation.

 

“They love bikes. Take after you and Merle.”

 

“How is he?” Merle ended up in the hospital early with an infection. The surgery is scheduled for the end of the week and the infection needs to be cleared up by then in order for everything to goes as planned.

 

“Oh, he’s ornery! And pissy. He hates being stuck there, misses his boys and dinners that taste good.” Carol has a soft smile on her face as she talks about her husband. His brother. Daryl chuckles because he can just imagine what a crappy patient Merle probably is. “But he’s all clear and ready for take off. Jesus Daryl, you're saving his life you know…” Her tears are back and Daryl does his best to give her a hug but it’s weird and he’s feeling all kinds of things in that moment. Brushing away the tears Carol straightens and clears her throat.

 

“I’ve got you set up in the guest room in the house for the first couple of days if you need it. And then, well I told you that apartment is yours. Merle put the damn thing there so you’d always be close.” He isn’t going to argue with her or even try and get out of staying here on the property. He came back to help his brother and himself too.

 

Carol knows why he left. She’s been around for a while now. She was his friend first. He’d lived in her building for a short time and helped her with her piece of shit car. It had been her and her little girl, Sophia. She’d left her abusive husband, actually put him in jail and she was trying to get back on her feet. They’d been friends, nothing more. He’d had a couple of drinks one night and tried unsuccessfully to put the moves on her because he figured he was supposed too. She’d put a stop to it immediately and took him home and put his drunk ass to bed. The next day she confessed that she had feelings for Merle. Good ole Merle, always a hit with the ladies. Six months later he had a new sister in law and a niece. And a little over a year after that Beau and Daryl Junior were born. It had been the start of something good. But it seemed to Daryl that nothing good ever lasted. At least nothing that was good in his life. The accident that left DJ with the scar on his face changed everything.

 

* * *

 

The day it happened wasn’t any different from any other day. It had been late afternoon and Daryl and Merle were in the living room with the two-year-old twins. They were like puppies, those two. Always rolling around wrapped up in each other laughing, screeching, and inevitably crying. When they were born, Beau came first, and he was bigger and louder. He came out screaming. DJ followed and was a skinny little thing, all eyes, and he barely made a peep. Those were the personalities that followed them as they grew. Merle would call them ‘the brothers’. He told Daryl that they were like little carbon copies of them. _“Only better brother cause they got us raising ‘em up right and lovin’ ‘em something fierce. Changes every, love does.”_ That might be true. Seeing what Carol and Merle created with their love had him almost believing.

 

There was a hunting show on TV and he and Merle had been watching it. Occasionally Merle would holler, usually at Beau, _“Knock it off Beau!”_ . But sometimes at DJ too, _“Dammit DJ don’ let yer brother sit on ya!”_. Then he’d scoop one or the other up and hold them in a bear hug, kissing and tickling on them until they were out of breath and sweaty from giggling. The TV would hold their attention for a minute or two and then they’d be rolling around again.

 

DJ had just squirmed his way out of his brothers hold and took off running. He stumbled as Beau’s little hand grazed his shoulder and tripped an fell just a hair’s breadth out of Daryl’s reach. The world was suddenly moving in slow motion as the toddler collided with a glass door on the entertainment center. There was a crash and blood and oddly enough it was Beau who started crying first. Merle snatched up DJ and started yelling for Carol and Daryl stood frozen measuring the distance between him and that cabinet. He looked at his empty hands and over to the large glass shards covered in blood. It was Beau’s screams that got through his addled brain and he’d reached for the boy and picked him up rubbing his little back and whispering, _‘ “S ok Beau.”_

DJ peeked out from a mess of blood-soaked towels as Merle carried him to the car. His tiny face was white and his blue eyes looked huge. Merle held the towels and his son doing his best to apply pressure to the wound. Daryl couldn’t look away, nodded when Merle said something about Beau and Sophia and that they’d call.

 

Then they were gone.

 

He doesn’t remember much about what happened after. He’d put on a cartoon and Sophia pulled out snacks and a sippy cup full of juice for Beau and they sat in the living room for hours. The sun went down and the kids curled up in blankets on the floor in front of another cartoon. Merle eventually called. DJ had been taken into emergency surgery. The laceration was serious. Muscles in his face had been severed and he’d lost a lot of blood. But he’d be okay. He’d pull through.

 

_“He’s my boy, a Dixon. Take more than a little glass to bring ‘em down!”_ Daryl heard the emotion in his brother's voice and it settled like a heavy weight on his heart.

 

That surgery was the first of three that DJ had to have. Daryl left shortly before the second one. After a fight with Merle. Because he still blamed himself. Merle had vehemently denied any fault on Daryl’s part.

 

_“Kids fall all the damn time! Ain’t on you little brother! Ain’t like that!”_

 

_“ ‘S gonna have fuckin’ scars, on his face!”_ Daryl knew all about scars.

 

_“Yeah? Well, baby brother we all got scars. Hell them stripes on yer back, I shoulda been there ta stop that shit!”_ Merle said hoarsely.

 

_“Ya couldn’ a known, ya jus’...”_ But Daryl often wondered. If Merle hadn’t left him there with that monster would things have been different? He didn’t blame Merle, his daddy had been the one swinging the belt. But none of that shit mattered now. It was over and done. All that mattered now was DJ.

 

And how he should have stopped it from happening. But he’s just a redneck asshole.

 

He made his way to Nashville doing odd jobs here and there, living in shitty motels and making enough money to get by. He had a cell phone and stayed in touch with Merle, checked up on DJ. But even when he was able to think rationally about it all he still stayed away.

 

A few months before Merle started to get sick he brought Beau out to Nashville. It hurt Daryl's heart to see how the little boy had grown and changed, Daryl had missed out on all that. He knew then that Merle was trying to chip away at his stubborn ass.

 

_“Ain’t got shit here little brother. Oughta come home. Ya wanna blame yerself? Well alright then, but accidents happen and that’s what it was, an accident. Ain’t no shame in that. You stayin’ away like this, there’s yer shame boy.”_ When they drove away Daryl was left feeling empty, longing for something he couldn’t find in a bottle or out on the open road, longing for a place he could call home.

 

Carol’s phone calls started coming and Daryl didn’t even have to think about it. Merle was sick and needed a kidney. And being as stubborn as his little brother there was no way in hell he’d ask Daryl. But Carol would. For the boys, for her, and for Daryl. She knew if anything this might be what Daryl needed.

 

* * *

 

He’d left once. Now he’s right back in the middle of everything he ran from- but this time he’s here for good. This time he’s gonna make it work.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have an idea why Beth and Daryl are struggling now let's see what happens when they meet. The chapters will definitely get longer as the interactions between them become more frequent. Thank you for reading! I am really excited to see where this one goes!

Chapter 2

 

It’s early Tuesday morning, Beth is out taking care of her chores. She’s kind of fallen into a routine. The chickens are the first thing she does because it makes her think of her mama and lately she’s been feeling like her memory of her mama is fading. Sometimes she can’t remember the sound of her voice and it terrifies her. She wants so badly to go to the piano and take her place on the bench and sing all the songs they sang together. But her feet will only take her so far in that direction before they turn and lead her away. Here in the dusty sunshine with the fat hens in their nesting boxes, she feels something and it soothes her tender heart.

 

The sound of a car pulls her out of her thoughts. It’s Carol’s SUV coming down the drive. The car pulls up in front of the house and Carol and DJ get out and head towards the porch. Wiping her hands on her jeans Beth heads in that direction too.

 

“Hey DJ!” She isn’t surprised to see him without his twin. He often shows up at the Greene farm with Carol or Merle when they stop by to see if they can help out. It’s been awhile though what with Merle being sick. She hasn’t babysat for the boys recently either, but she’s been checking in or getting away as Carol calls it. So she knows Merle’s surgery is coming up and that his little brother is coming home to give him a kidney. It’s a pretty selfless thing to do and even though she knows nothing about him, Beth already has Daryl pegged as a guardian angel despite the fact that he left (ran off as Merle says) for reasons she isn’t privy too and doesn’t want to be. She doesn’t need to know where the cracks are in their family. It’s comforting to believe that there aren’t any.

 

“Hi, Beth!” DJ sees her and smiles as he runs over to her.

 

“Ya gettin’ eggs? Can I help? Mama says we’re gonna get us some chickens. Uncle Daryl can help daddy build us a hen house when they get daddy all fixed up!” DJ is a quiet kid for the most part. But sometimes when he’s alone with her, he opens up and talks her ear off. She loves that he feels comfortable enough with her to do this.

 

“Sure, come on.” Beth sees the plate of cookies Carols carrying up to the house. Her daddy will be happy to see those.  That makes her happy too. Stepping into the hen house she grabs the collecting basket and looks down at DJ. “Go on, you do the gathering.” This is his favorite part. He’s so gentle with the hens, apologizing as he sticks his hand underneath them, petting their tiny heads and telling them they’re doing a good job.

 

“My uncle Daryl is here. He’s got a cool motorcycle.” DJ says as he continues to gather the eggs.

 

“Oh? I bet it’s nice having him home.” Beth says watching the little boy. He seems to be thinking hard about something.

 

“Yeah. I was named after him. Daryl Junior.” The eggs have all been gathered and he’s petting Fran, their speckled hen. Ruffling her feathers lightly with his fingers. Fran loves this, it’s obvious because her little eyes are closed in ecstasy. 

 

“That must make him very proud, having you as his namesake.” Beth rests a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I don’t think he likes me.” DJ mumbles moving just a little so her hand slides off of his shoulder. 

 

“What? I don’t believe that at all!” DJ doesn’t look at her and she feels a tug in her heart. She knew something was going on in his head. He’s good at shutting down, closing himself off. And it’s been happening more and more lately.

 

“Hey bud, hi Beth!” Carol is standing outside the hen house door with two cookies in her hand.

 

“Mama I gathered eggs! There’s a bunch!” DJ’s demeanor completely changes when Carol shows up and she makes a big deal over the eggs, ruffling her little boy's hair, running her hand over the scar on his face. Beth notices she does that a lot- acknowledges its existence without bringing attention to it. It’s a part of who he is, a fact that can’t be denied. Beth looks down at her wrist where a leather band covers the scar she carries. No one loves it or accepts it- certainly not her. So she keeps it hidden.

 

“DJ how about you take half of those eggs home. You and Beau can have scrambled eggs for breakfast.” Beth is already reaching for a recycled egg carton.

 

“Yeah, okay! We like mama’s scrambled eggs with cheese.” Taking the carton he kneels on the ground to pack up the eggs. A cookie in one hand, munching as he works.

 

“Thank you Beth,” Carol says, “ I brought your dad some cookies. I wanted to let him know Merle’s surgery is scheduled for this Friday and if all goes well he’ll be home next Friday.” She holds out the other cookie to Beth.

 

“I’m so glad Carol. I miss having him around teasing us. And DJ told me his uncle is here.” Beth doesn’t miss the fact that DJ glances over his shoulder when she mentions that. She doesn’t say anything about DJ’s claim that his uncle doesn’t like him. She might bring it up when she’s alone with Carol. Or maybe she’ll just wait and see for herself how Daryl treats DJ.

 

She can’t believe that this man who’s giving a kidney to his brother could hate his own nephew. But family relationships as she very well knows aren’t easy.

 

***

 

Daryl takes the last of his t-shirts out of the saddlebag on his bike and heads back to the house to the extra room he’s staying in. Temporarily. He and Beau went out to the apartment earlier to see what needs to be done before he moves in there. It was an odd feeling walking in for the first time again.

 

*    *    *

 

“Guess I won’t be gettin' this place when I’ma teenager.” Beau had said mournfully.

 

“Whatcha goin’ on about?” Daryl eyed the very small, nowhere near a teenager standing beside him, his small arms crossed over his chest. So much like Merle.

 

“I wanted it ta be my room when I get big, but daddy said ‘s yers and don’ get my hopes up cause yous coming back here one day.”

 

“Yeah well I could get on my bike and go on back ta Nashville, then it could be yers.” Daryl bit his cheek to keep from smiling at the stricken look on Beau’s face.

 

“No! I want ya here! Sides I can’t leave my brother and he’s kinda soft, wouldn’ wanna sleep out here.” Daryl chuckled and headed out of the apartment making a mental list of things he needed to do. He also thought about the fact that Beau called DJ soft, Merle was always calling Daryl that and it had made him angry.

 

“Com’on. And don’ call yer brother soft. He’s as tough as you are!” Beau just huffed but followed his uncle back to the house.

 

*    *    *

 

Beau had gotten bored real quick watching Daryl put away his clothes. When Daryl passes through the living room he sees him on the couch with Sophia, eyes glued to some corny show with horrible canned laughter.

 

“Why ain’t y’all outside fishing or huntin’ or somethin’?” Daryl had never been a big fan of TV. They didn’t have one growing up, or at least if they did it never lasted long. Daryl’s daddy always managed to put a foot through the screen when he’d been drunk. And he was usually always drunk.

 

“Can’t without daddy,” Sophia says eyes still on the TV. It makes Daryl feel good to hear her call Merle her daddy. Her own daddy was a piece of shit and when Merle married Carol he vowed not only to be a good husband but to be the father Sophia deserved. His brother had made something good of his life and Daryl’s damn proud of him.

 

“Yeah well, I’m here. So today hunting and tomorrow fishin’.” The kids had cheered, but Sophia raised her hand.

 

“Uncle Daryl, I just, I don’t like the hunting and daddy doesn’t make me go. Side’s me and mama take DJ to the library this afternoon.” Daryl thinks about that. Library? These kids are smart too. Reading and visiting the library.

 

“How ‘bout you Beau, ya ain’t going to the library?” Daryl asks, curious as to what his nephew will say.

 

“Nah, I ain’t much fer books. Side’s DJ always gets something I like.” 

 

“And mama and daddy make you read too! Mr. too cool for books!” Sophia jumps up before Beau can grab her and runs off as he gives chase.

 

“Hey! Sit yer asses down! No running!” Both kids freeze and the look of fear on their faces makes his stomach churn. His voice was too loud, too angry. Too much like a voice from his past that he doesn’t want to think about. And never wants to repeat.

 

“Look, ‘m sorry. I jus’ “ Rubbing his face he searches for an excuse. But there are none. He glances down when he feels a warm hand on his arm. Sophia.

 

“It’s okay uncle Daryl. I remember. When DJ fell. They were running in the house. Daddy tells us not to run. Just like you did. We’re sorry.” Looking over at Beau she says, “Right Beau?” Daryl watches as Beau nods enthusiastically. 

 

“Don’t tell on us kay? We ain’t gonna do it again.” Beau says solemnly. Daryl just nods because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to say anything anyway. Pulling the t-shirts in closer to his body he heads back to the bedroom. Closing the door behind him he throws the shirts on the bed and walks into the attached bathroom. He needs a cigarette or whiskey. But he gave up both until after the surgery. The doc had told him a little whiskey was ok but definitely no smoking. Daryl had given up both just to be on the safe side. 

 

But now he could use something to calm his nerves. Last night Carol had cornered him in the kitchen and he knew what was coming. She had never said anything to him about the fact that he blamed himself for DJ’s accident. Even when he and Merle argued about it and he’d made the decision to leave. She never said a word either way. He’d assumed she probably held him responsible. At least a little. 

 

But he’d expected it at some point. This talk.

 

*    *    *

 

“Do you blame yourself for what happened to DJ?” They’d been in the kitchen going over the schedule for doctor’s appointments and the surgery when she’d lay down her pen and given him a look. Daryl’s response had been his usual shrug which translated to, ‘I don’t wanna do this right now.’

 

“I get it. I really do. But you’re wrong Daryl. It was an accident.” Merle had said the same thing over and over in a much louder voice and he hadn’t believed it then either.

 

“I shoulda-” Leaning back against the counter he’d stared at the ground.

 

“But you didn’t and that’s that. What you’re doing now, the way you tense up when DJ’s around-”

 

“I see them scars and I hate that he has ta-”

 

“They remind you of yours. But Daryl Junior’s scars are not your scars.” Carol’s face had softened then, but he was still hurting. It hurt like hell. He should've been able to protect that little boy, protect him the way no one had protected him and Merle.

 

“He don’ deserve ta have that name. Shouldn’ a named him after the likes of me.” Daryl hadn’t raised his eyes to meet hers and he mumbled this without much conviction. 

 

“You’re a good man Daryl. You just have a bad habit of thinking the worst of yourself. I know how that feels. I named my baby boy after you because I want him to grow up to have a heart like yours. The only difference is nobody is gonna break his, not like your daddy did to you and Merle. All that boy is gonna know is love from the two most important men in his life. So you better love him, Dixon.” A thinly veiled warning and a big hug and kiss on the forehead. Then she’d picked up her pen and went back to planning.

 

*    *    *

 

Turning on the sink he splashes cool water on his face and eyes himself in the mirror. He can do this. He can be here with his family and he can move on from the past.

 

***

 

Beth makes her way through the woods- taking solace in nature. This is where she goes, where she’s always gone, to be completely alone. To be honest, though, she’s been living in self-made isolation for years. But this alone is different. It’s freeing and fills her up at the same time.

 

When she hears a child’s voice, the only thing that surprises her is that she wandered so far and crossed over into the Dixon’s property. Beau is talking animatedly to someone else and he’s very excited about something. She can hear that in his voice and it only adds to the feeling of being out here in the sunshine. 

 

She moves between the trees and she sees Beau with a man she doesn’t know but recognizes. He looks like a Dixon. Daryl. The man she’s dubbed a guardian angel. Neither of them has noticed her so she takes a minute to consider him. And what she sees gives her a sweet little twist in her tummy. He’s handsome. Broad shoulders and muscular arms are evidence that he works hard doing something. A crossbow is slung over his shoulder. His unruly hair looks soft as the breeze ruffles it. 

 

Right as his eyes raise to meet hers she sees the small bird that Beau is holding in his hands. And her heart sinks. Running over to where he’s standing she kneels in front of him.

 

“Oh, Beau! What did you do?” Beau’s small face is crestfallen. He ducks his head in shame and Beth notices the slingshot sticking out of his back pocket. Reaching out she takes the small bird into her hands.

 

“I wanted ta show my Uncle Daryl what a good shot I am Beth! He’s a hunter too and I jus,-” Beth can feel his shame rolling off of him in waves. He’s just a little boy and he wasn’t doing it to be cruel. She can handle the rabbits and squirrels, Carol actually makes a pretty tasty stew with them. But the birds…

 

“Beau, we talked about this. If there’s no reason to kill, you don’t. Rabbit and squirrels, well your mama makes use of those, but the birds…” she can feel Daryl’s eyes on her and glances in his direction. Blue eyes, like hers. But where hers are soft like the summer sky, his are intense. She sees something in his gaze that makes her feel like she does when she takes off at a full speed gallop on her horse. Or when she watches birds gather together and fly in a murmuration. There isn’t a name a name for a feeling like this. It just is. Looking back at Beau she holds up her hand where she cradles the bird.

 

“No more birds.” Beth gently admonishes the little boy.

 

“Okay Beth,” he says mournfully.

 

“You know besides you and DJ, these birds are the only thing in this whole wide world that makes me happy.” Beau nods his head solemnly.

 

***

 

There isn’t a cloud in the sky, but Daryl feels like a shadow passed over the sun. Beth wears her sadness like a cloak around her shoulders. He wonders why? What broke her heart? There’s gotta be more to it than just this little bird. 

 

“I know. ‘M sorry!” Beau flings himself into Beth’s arms almost knocking them both over. Daryl steps forward unsure if he should help, but her eyes meet his and she gives him a small but reassuring smile. He listens as she talks softly to Beau.

 

“Hey, everyone makes mistakes. That’s how we learn. Did you learn something?” Beau leans back and looks at Beth nodding.

 

“Don’ kill birds,” he whispers.

 

“Yeah, that’s right. Okay, now let me see your smile.” Daryl watches the interaction between his nephew and Beth. The way this beautiful girl coaxes a smile out of him and gives him one in return. Daryl desperately wishes he was on the receiving end of that smile. It’s like the sun coming out and for a minute whatever sadness she carries seems to disappear. Beau turns and focuses on Daryl giving him a look.

 

“Don’ say nothin’ to my daddy! Cryin’s fer pussies!” he says in all seriousness.

 

“Beau Dixon!” Beth squeaks. Daryl looks from her surprised expression to his nephew.

 

“Ya better never use that kinda language in front of a girl again or I’m gonna tell yer daddy everything!” Daryl knows his voice sounds a bit on the harsh side, but it’s either that or crack a smile. Beth has a hand over her mouth and he can see by the way her eyes crinkle she’s hiding her own smile.

 

“Uh, hey I’m Daryl. His uncle. Didn’ mean ta upset ya with,” Daryl points to the little bird Beth’s still cradling in one hand and he feels a pang of regret, “all that.” She holds out the hand she was smiling behind and she still has that smile on her face. There’s no doubt about it, she’s beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

 

“I’m Beth-” she begins but Beau takes over real quick.

 

“This is our Beth,” he explains with a huge smile on his tear-stained face. Daryl wants to laugh again at the kid. He looks as proud as if he created Beth himself.

 

“Yers huh?” Beth’s soft laughter does things to his insides that can’t be normal. 

 

“Ever since they were little Merle would say, ‘I’m gonna call up our Beth ta come take care of ya monkeys!’ “ Her imitation of Merle although in a sweet feminine voice is spot on. Next to her Beau nods enthusiastically. “I think they thought that was my name for quite awhile.”

 

“Ya babysit for them a lot?” Daryl asks. Merle being domestic is still so weird. It's a good weird though. It’s how it should be.

 

“A couple of times a month. Sometimes I just go hang out. They’re so much fun. And they make me feel good. You have a wonderful family Daryl.” 

 

His family. And why does she need to go looking for things to make her feel good in other people's backyards? Once again that sadness seems to settle around her and Daryl has the sudden urge to do anything he has to chase it away.

 

“Hey Beth I’ll dig a hole an we can bury the bird kay? I ‘member you tol’ me that funerals are important.” Beau takes the bird tenderly in his hands and scans the ground around them- “There!” He points and runs off to whatever spot he’s determined will work.

 

Once more the sadness is gone and Beth smiles up at Daryl. Her cheeks are flushed pink and she seems a little nervous.

 

“I hope you don’t mind, it’s silly, but I just think it’s nice to do this. You can come if you want.” Beth clasps her hands in front of her. Daryl isn’t really sure what to say but it seems like she’s waiting for an answer. And maybe it’s just him but it seems like she's hoping he’ll say yes.

 

“Course. Ain’t never been ta a bird funeral before.” A smile lights up her face and it’s his turn to be nervous as they walk over to Beau.

 

“Like I said it’s kind of silly, but even a little bird deserves to be remembered if you can.” Her soft laughter and the way she cares about this one bird makes him feels a little inadequate. 

 

Beau digs in the soft dirt with his hands and the handle of his slingshot. Kneeling beside him, Daryl picks up a stick to help him dig a small hole just the right size for the bird.

 

“Wait a minute.” Beth sits down next to Daryl and lines the little hole with leaves. When she finishes she looks over at Beau and he gently places the feathered corpse on the bed of leaves. Daryl can’t sit back and let them do it all so he reaches for the leaves she’s holding in her hands.

 

“Lemme help,” he mumbles and spreads the rest of the leaves over the bird, looking over at her for confirmation that this is what she was going to do. Her smile is all the answer he needs. That damn smile. 

 

While Beau fills the hole back in, Daryl sits as still as he possibly can not moving his thigh where Beth’s knee rests against it. He’s ridiculous. He’s aware of that. But that doesn’t sway him. He swears the air around them is humming as they do this small thing together.

 

“Okay.” Patting the little mound, Beau looks up at Beth and then back down at the tiny grave.

 

“ ‘M real sorry bird, I promise ta never do it again.” He’s being so serious. Daryl realizes it's all for her. Beth. What she thinks and feels is important to his nephew. Glancing over at her he sees a couple of tears glistening on her cheeks before she wipes them away.

 

“Thank you, Beau.” His nephews smile and the blush on his cheeks makes Daryl chuckle.

 

The sound of pounding hooves on the dirt has the three of them turning their heads. Beth jumps up, smoothing her hands over her jeans and Daryl notices the way she’s suddenly taken on a defensive demeanor. 

 

“I, um, I better head back. Thank you, Daryl, for helping us. I’m glad we finally met. And Beau-”

 

“I know, no birds.” This makes her smile and she glances over at Daryl the smile still firmly there and it’s even in her eyes before she turns back to Beau.

 

“I was gonna say it’s Tuesday. I bet DJ has a book for you.” The twinkle in her eye is teasing and Daryl has a feeling she’s aware that Beau doesn’t like reading much either. “See you guys later.” With a little wave, she takes off towards a dark haired girl on the horse.

 

“Who's that?” Daryl asks Beau.

 

“Thas’ Miss Maggie. She’s okay but she makes Beth sad so I don’ like her much.” Beau’s watching the girls his brow furrowed. Beth walks ahead of Maggie her hand on the horse's neck.

 

“Makes her sad huh?” Daryl says more to himself than to Beau. It does look like the two of them are having some kind of heated discussion. He watches as Beth pulls her hand away and Maggie kicks the horse into a gallop leaving Beth to walk alone. Maybe if he knew her better he could run and catch up with her. He could walk her home and try and make her smile. He finds himself wanting to know what it is that’s broken in this girl. He senses it, her brokenness. He’s broken too.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think by leaving a comment! And look for the next chapter next Sunday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here you go! I am really enjoying writing this. And thank you so much for all the sweet feedback. It means so much to know you all are enjoying reading!**

 

Maggie immediately starts in with the third degree as they’re walking back to the farm. There are the usual questions and comments, ‘Where were you?’ and ‘We were worried’, which Beth finds hard to stomach even though she sometimes wishes there might be some truth to them. But Maggie wants to control her, make sure she doesn’t do anything else stupid. 

 

“I made breakfast, took care of my chores and went for a walk, Maggie.” Beth finds that if she keeps calm Maggie usually gets frustrated and leaves her alone. It’s hard though and sometimes she can’t keep her emotions bottled up.

 

“You’re always running off, hiding’ out-” Nellie knickers almost as if she’s in agreement with Maggie. Even her horse is a traitor! 

 

“I can’t breathe in that house! Everybody’s always watching me, waiting for me to mess up!” She’s exaggerating to a certain extent. They aren’t watching her like that anymore. And every once in awhile she can pretend it never happened. Well, most of it. She can’t pretend her mama isn’t gone. That won’t ever change.

 

“We worry about you is all. We love you Bethy.” It’s the nickname that finally gets her. Makes her cringe inside. 

 

“You love me? Then just let me be. I’m not gonna cause any more trouble.” It’s tiring, this thing they do. The back and forth. But calling a truce would mean making peace with the past and she doesn’t think she can do that. Not yet.

 

“Trouble? You're my little sister- Fine! Shawn’s coming for dinner. We’re gonna talk to daddy and start moving furniture. I just thought you might want to know.” Giving Nellie a kick, horse and rider take off in the direction of the farm.

 

Sighing Beth hugs herself and keeps moving forward. She’d like to peek over her shoulder and see if Daryl is still out there, see if he and Beau overheard her and Maggie. But she doesn’t. Not knowing will make it easier the next time she sees him. The fact that there will be a next time is a soft, sweet ache somewhere right in the middle of her chest. And for the first time in a long time she wants it, wants to feel something besides sadness and anger.

 

***

 

The rest of the evening is uneventful. Out of all of them, Shawn is the one who treats Beth like he always has. He teases her and makes the others laugh while his two little daughters climb into her lap admonishing their daddy for teasing ‘auntie’. Maggie is aunt and Beth is auntie. And they love her. Shawn's wife Amy, on the other hand, seems nervous around her and the family in general. So they see very little of the girls even though they live in town. Beth can’t blame her though. She entered the picture right as everything was falling apart. And if it hadn’t fallen apart maybe Hershel would see his granddaughters more often and Maggie would get to be an aunt. So she doesn’t blame Amy for any of it.

 

They’d talked to Hershel and he’d agreed, without a fight, that moving downstairs was for the best. After dinner, they’d even managed to clear out the spare bedroom and get his bed moved before Shawn’s little girls started yawning and fussing. They’d said their goodbyes and Maggie and Beth had promised to finish up the next morning.

 

Which is what they’re doing now. And they’ve been doing it basically in silence. They came to an unspoken agreement about what happened in the woods the day before and Beth is relieved Maggie didn’t want to discuss anything further. Because she always wants to discuss things and today, with all they have going on, Beth won’t be able to escape anywhere.

 

Hershel’s been standing in the door making suggestions and requesting certain things and it almost feels normal.

 

“Daddy! Really, let us get everything in here and then you can arrange it all!” Maggie blurts out after changing out his dresser drawers three times. Hershel waves a hand at her and chuckles. This little exchange feels so good.

 

“Okay, okay. Oh Bethy, Carol told me about Merle’s surgery on Friday. I suppose you’ll be staying with the boys?” 

 

“Oh, yeah. I mean is that okay…” Sometimes he can still make her feel like a little girl and it’s frustrating. But he’s her daddy and she knows in his eyes she’ll always be a little girl. But will she always be the little girl who cut her wrist? Will she ever be Beth who made it even though she was lost for a while?

 

“Of course it is. You don’t need my permission. I know it’s your only source of income right now. You’ve been such a big help for me. You and Maggie both.” This is something new. He never talks about how he needs help. He hates to admit it. And Beth isn’t sure how to take it. “Carol told me there’s an assistant position in the children’s library opening up soon. She seems to think you’d be perfect for the job. Says you’re amazing with her boys.” The compliment warms her heart and the pride in her daddy’s eyes makes her happy. Only. 

 

“There’s so much here, I don’t want to-”

 

Hershel holds up a hand. “I’m getting stronger and I’ve been looking into prosthetics.” That surprises her. He’d been adamant he wouldn’t get one of those. 

 

“This is still my farm and Shawn can’t run the clinic and do large animal visits. It’s time for me to start doing my part.” Before she has a chance to let this sink in Maggie’s speaking.

 

“I’m going to help out at the clinic a couple of days a week too, doing books and stuff.” Her sister is smiling and looking over at Hershel as if they’ve solved everything, fixed the cracks that have somehow become normal. And she’s kind of taken aback. Nothing has been discussed with her, no one said anything. Until now. And it’s not a discussion. She’s really just being told.

 

“Sounds like you guys have figured it all out,” she says attempting a tight smile.

 

“Well if you’d stick around you might find these things out.” There it is. Yesterday’s discussion. Her sister's tone is condescending and Beth pauses for a moment then heads towards the door.

 

“I’m gonna start on your closet daddy,” she rubs his arm as she passes and gives him a smile. A real one because it feels good to see him determined to move forward. When she’s halfway up the stairs she hears Maggie's frantic whispering and the deep cadence of her father’s voice. She can’t make out what they’re saying, but obviously, it’s about her. Why else would they keep their voices so low?

 

Instead of getting upset she decides to finish up here, make her daddy some lunch and then she can go ‘hide out’ as Maggie has accused her of. But it isn’t hiding. Sometimes it’s just easier to be somewhere else. 

 

Grabbing a handful of hangers she glances out the window. Nellie’s pacing in the corral. Maybe she’ll take her out for a ride. Or just go for a walk in the woods. Daryl and Beau might be out there again today. No matter how down she’s feeling, Beau always manages to cheer her up. 

 

And Daryl, well he makes her feel something too.

  
  


***

 

Daryl looks down at the little boy, his nephew, his namesake. This kid’s so much like him it’s eerie. Skinny little thing, all arms, and legs. Both boys are. That’s where most of the similarities end. DJ’s standing next to Daryl fidgeting like he’s got something crawling under his skin. He’s chewing on a thumbnail and shuffling his feet in the dirt and Daryl can hear his breath hitch.

 

“Ya okay kid?” Daryl asks a little more gruffly than he intends. The little boy tips his head back to look up at his uncle through the hair that’s always in his eyes. Eyes that are blue. Like Daryl’s. His jaw is tense and the energy that is radiating off of his small frame says otherwise.

 

“Why’d ya leave Uncle Daryl? Mama says,” DJ hesitates and Daryl’s skin prickles. Looks like the kid is doing his best not to cry. “Mama says after I got this scar ya left. Was it cause I was ugly?” The last of it comes out in a rush of breath and his little body just sags with the weight of whatever he’s been carrying that he’s finally let go.

 

“Wha’ the hell? Yer mama didn’ tell ya, did Beau say…” At a loss for words, Daryl squats down next to the boy. “Ya ain’t ugly!” They’re standing in scrubby grass next to an old irrigation pond out in back of the property. Beau chased a water snake around the other side of the pond and he’s yelling at it and poking the water with a stick. DJ swipes at his nose with his skinny arm and goes back to biting his nail again.

 

“Who toldja I thought you was ugly?” Daryl would like to take the kid back to the house and push him into his mama’s arms and let her deal with this but DJ asked him. 

 

“Nobody.” His voice is soft and gives away the fact that he’s eight years old but still very much a little boy and he’s hurting.

 

“Then why’d ya say..”

 

“Cause I got this scar and I got yer name and I heard ya tell my mama I don’t deserve to be called Daryl, don’ deserve that name.” Still so soft and sad. The ache in Daryl’s chest is welcome. In fact, a heart attack right now would be fitting. DJ must have overheard him and Carol talking the other night. 

 

“Ain’t what ya think. Don’ deserve my name cause I ain’t a good guy.” Daryl shakes his head and doesn’t raise his eyes to look at his nephew even though he knows the boy is staring at him. He can feel it as if the gaze itself is fingers running over places he’d rather hide.

 

“My daddy says ya are. My daddy says you’re the best.” There's a sense of wonder in his tone and what the fuck has Merle been filling this kids head with?

 

“Yer daddy don’ know shit!” Daryl says and isn’t expecting the shove he’s given as he’s thrown off balance and lands on his ass in the dirt.

 

“Don’ you say that about my daddy! Don’ you.. maybe he’s gonna die!” And then DJ is on his lap and the threat of those tears Daryl saw earlier is real. The kid is sobbing up against his white t-shirt. Daryl holds him close and rubs his bony little back. He doesn’t even think twice about it. 

 

“Hey now, come on little d, ain’t nobody dying. Yer daddy needs a kidney and I got two so I’m gonna give him one and he’s gonna come home and be just fine.” The little boy seems to contemplate that for a minute.

 

“If ya ain’t a good guy why ya giving him yer kidney?” Daryl absolutely does not know how to respond to that so he chuckles and ruffles DJ’s hair. “And why ya been calling me little d?”

 

“I’m big D, yer little d. Can’t very well call each other Daryl can we? ‘S kinda weird.”

 

“Can call me DJ. It means Daryl junior.” DJ sits up and leans back so he can watch Daryl and make Daryl uncomfortable some more. But Daryl will take it. He was stupid to run. This right here is family. It should matter. It does matter.

 

“When ya got hurt, got the wound that left that scar, I was there.” Daryl feels the ache again as he watches DJ nod solemnly.

 

“Mama tol' me. Me and Beau was messing around and I smacked my face into a pane of glass. Tore open my cheek and cut some muscles. I had 3 surgeries and 105 stitches even ‘fore I was three years old.” Daryl sees a little pride on the boys shining face.

 

“Yer a bad ass little dude.” This elicits a giggle from DJ.

 

“Ya sure say a lot a bad words uncle Daryl.” Suddenly his expression changes, his eyebrows furrow and he glances at Daryl through squinted eyes. “Ya ain’t gonna leave after ya give my daddy yer kidney are ya?”

 

“I was sitting right there next to y’all when you fell through that glass. I shoulda grabbed ya, shoulda stopped it..” Daryl hangs his head and only looks up when he feels a small hand on his shoulder.

 

“Mama said that’s prolly why ya left. She said ya felt bad.” 

 

“I did.” 

 

“Mama said-”

 

“Yer mama talks too damn much!” Daryl sees the fire in the little boy's eyes again and holds his hands up in surrender. Shouldn’t talk about the kid's mama. Carol is a good woman. Hell, she married Merle, gave him a chance.

 

“I need ya ta stay and teach me how ta fight. I wanna beat up them kids that tease me cause I got a ugly scar.” Daryl has no idea how one little boy can make him feel so many things. His heart is aching and his fists clenching thinking about anyone teasing DJ. Because Daryl knows what that feels like.

 

“What fucking kids? They callin’ you ugly? You tell yer daddy? He can teach ya how ta-”

 

“I can’t tell my daddy. He’s been sick. I don’t want him ta worry ‘bout me. Sides Beau beats ‘em all up. But I wanna do it. I wanna fight fer myself.” This skinny little kid with knobby knees and hair in his eyes doesn’t look like he could even throw a punch.

 

“Beau! DJ! Where are you? Mama says get in the house right now!” Sophia comes up over the rise and when she sees them she smiles. “Uncle Daryl! You said you’d give me a ride! I got a helmet, come on! These little boys gotta take their baths.” 

 

DJ jumps up off Daryl’s lap and chases after his big sister and Beau comes running too. Glad for the distraction Daryl stands and stretches. In the distance, he sees the big white farmhouse. The Greene farm. That’s where Beth Greene lives. ‘Our Beth’. She’d smiled at Daryl out in the woods. Smiled like he was someone who deserved a smile from a beautiful girl. He still isn’t sure he deserved it, but he’ll definitely do anything to make sure it happens again.

 

***

 

When the moving was finished, Beth wandered out into the woods. But she hadn’t stayed long. There was no sign of Beau and Daryl and it felt kind of lonely being out there. Sometimes it happened that way and usually, she’d head for the barn and read in the loft but she’d had other things on her mind.

 

The library job for one.

 

It makes her nervous thinking about not being here, for her daddy. But it’s also exhilarating to realize that she can have something else, something that’s just hers. And her daddy did say he wants to start doing more for himself.  

 

There’s just that little nagging voice in her head telling her she doesn’t deserve to do anything but be here for her father. Maybe she’s also got a little too used to just being here. And she knows he has to be struggling with all of his own insecurities and doing the things he’s got planned will make him feel better about himself. Maybe seeing her doing something for herself will make him happy too.

 

Change is hard.

 

The library website is very simple and easy to navigate. She follows the link to job openings, but the job itself isn’t posted yet. Next to Children’s Library Assistant it says position coming soon. There’s a contact person, Mr. Reg Monroe, Library Director. And an email. Beth sends a short note introducing herself and letting Mr. Monroe know she’s interested. After she hits send she starts having second thoughts. Maybe she should have waited until the position was posted or just go in and talk to the librarian herself. 

 

Sighing she closes her laptop. On the bed next to her, her cellphone gives a little jingle and glancing down she sees a text from Carol.

 

_ C- ‘I’m in a pinch and need someone to stay with the kids this afternoon? Want to come hang out? I’ll bring pizza back for dinner! _

 

_ B- ‘I can’t say no to pizza! Or my favorite kids! What time?’ _

 

_ C- ‘Between 3:30 and 4 is fine. Daryl and I need to run up to the hospital and meet with the surgeon and Merle. Thank you!’ _

 

_ B- ‘NP! See you in a few!’ _

 

Hanging out with the kids is just what she needs to perk her up. Being with the Dixon’s always makes her happy. It has absolutely nothing to do with Daryl being there too. But he will be there. And she can’t deny that knowing that feels like a sweet secret.

 

***

 

Daryl’s outside finishing up some yard work when he sees Beth riding out of the woods on a horse. It looks a lot like the horse her sister had been on the other day. Straightening he wipes his hands on his jeans as she rides up.

 

“Hi, Daryl!” He can’t be sure but it seems like her smile brightens when she says his name. Could’ve just been wishful thinking on his part. She looks at home on the back of the big animal. He isn’t a fan of horses in general and maybe it’s just the fact that she looks so pretty sitting up there. But he ventures a little closer and reaches out and runs a hand down the horse’s neck. When the animal shivers he takes a step back.

 

“She’s harmless,” Beth says laughing gently. He watches as she slides off the horse, her little sundress riding up dangerously high on her thighs. He’s well aware that the polite thing to do would be to look away, but he doesn’t. She isn’t a child although she’s probably a lot younger than him. And he isn’t being a pervert, he’s just admiring her. 

 

She’s blushing when his eyes drift up to her face and he’s blushing too at being caught staring. Feeling the heat on his cheeks he clears his throat nervously and shoves his hands in his pockets.

 

“Hey, Beth.” Taking her horse by its lead she heads to the side of the house where a ground stake pokes up from the grass. He’d wondered what it was for when he was mowing. Now he knows. She must ride over quite a bit.

 

“The boys inside?” she asks. Her horse is eating an apple from her hand and she’s rubbing its neck.

 

“Yeah DJ ain’t feeling so good. Think he’s worryin’ ‘bout his daddy.” And a few other things. Daryl still feels undone after yesterday's revelations. Progress hurts and he guesses that this is what it all is. 

 

“Oh, I’m sure he is. That little guy feels things so deeply.” Patting the horse she leaves the apple core on the ground and walks over to Daryl.

 

“I think it’s really wonderful, what you’re doing for Merle. You could be saving his life. At the least, you’re giving him a lot more time with his boys and Sophia.” Compliments aren’t something he’s comfortable being on the receiving end of. Somehow from her though, it feels like so much more.

 

“It’s nothin’,” Daryl shrugs, “he’s my brother.” He can’t meet her eyes and apparently, she can’t meet his either. She’s intent on the toe of her boot that she’s dragging back and forth in the grass.

 

“You’re very brave. I don’t know that I could be that brave,” she says softly.

 

“Don’ know that it’s about being brave, jus’ do what ya gotta do. Sides I’m kinda nervous.” He is nervous. Possibly even scared. He hasn’t let himself think about it though and now he’s admitting it to her. Might as well go all the way. 

 

“Hell, I’m scared. Don’ like hospitals or doctors much. But my brother needs it and ya do what ya have to for family right? No matter what.” In an offhand way, he’s hinting at the relationship with her sister. What he saw in the woods and what Beau said, he’s been in her shoes with his own brother. And there’s nothing wrong with questioning loyalty but when it comes down to it he can’t imagine Beth not doing whatever she could for her sister. 

 

But still, he hardly knows her. He’s just reading the signs and hoping that underneath that sadness there’s a shine. There has to be, he sees it in her eyes everytime she smiles. Even when she’s smiling at him. 

 

Like she’s doing now.

 

“You’ll be okay Daryl, besides you’ll have Merle there with you.” She’s so fucking beautiful in that moment. Smiling at him and trying to make him feel better. 

 

“Ya kiddin’? Thas’ what scares me!” She giggling and it’s contagious and he’s sure he looks and sounds like an idiot, but he can’t help it.

 

“Guess I better go wash up. I’m sure the boys are waitin’ fer ya-tha’ whole ‘our Beth’ deal!” He teases hoping for a smile or more laughter and he isn’t disappointed. He lets her go ahead and follows her into the house. He’s thinking about what Beau said about her sister makin’ her sad. And the fact that she doesn’t think she’d be brave enough to do what he’s doing for Merle. 

 

***

 

Beth leans back against the couch. She’s sitting on the floor with Sophia. The boys are sprawled across bean bags watching a movie. Sophia pulled out her nail polish when Beth came in and convinced Beth they should paint each other's toes. And the fact that Beth’s need it had her agreeing. She did Sophia’s in a bright sparkly pink and now she’s having hers done. She chose a pearly baby blue. Doing this reminds her of so many days spent with Maggie when they were little. 

 

Being four years older Maggie had been the bossy big sister but she was also a lot of fun and had been there for Beth when their mama died and their daddy was grieving. Somehow things had changed and then Maggie had left and the security of her big sister’s arms had never returned. And that hurts more than she’s willing to admit. She misses the closeness they shared. And she wonders if, given the choice, Maggie would even want her to do something for her like Daryl is doing for his brother.

 

Sighing, she’s pulled out of her melancholy moment when Daryl walks into the room. It’s obvious he’s done a lot more than just ‘wash up’. He’s in his socks carrying a pair of shiny black motorcycle boots. Sitting on the couch he puts the boots down between his feet. Beth’s eyes are drawn to the snug fit of his soft blue t-shirt. It’s almost the same color as her toes. Damp curls are framing his face. He catches her staring and she looks away quickly inwardly groaning at herself.

 

“Those boots sure are shiny uncle Daryl!” Sophia giggles. Beau pops up off of his bean bag when he hears that.

 

“I shined ‘em! Jus’ like I do daddy’s!” He comes over and stands next to his uncle and Beth feels like it’s safe to look now. But Daryl’s still looking at her and she feels his gaze all the way down to her polished toes. The ones that match his shirt. Ducking her head she bites her lip so she doesn’t start laughing at that.

 

“Did a good job. I’m gonna show yer dad.” Daryl says pulling on one of the boots. Beau’s smile is huge as he nods at his uncle.

 

“Come and get your snacks so uncle Daryl and I can head out!” Carol calls from the kitchen. Beau heads that way and Sophia follows after she hands Beth a magazine.

 

“They’re almost dry. Just fan ‘em minute.” Then she disappears into the kitchen behind her brother.

 

“Beth there plenty of apples and peanut butter if you’re hungry!” Carol says peeking out of the kitchen.

 

“Oh, I’m fine, thank you! I have to finish drying my toes.” Beth says. She sees the smirk on his face and raises her eyebrows.

 

“ ‘S a good color on ya,” he says and she catches on quick.

 

“You too.” Maybe Daryl being here is just one more thing about the Dixon’s that she is going to come to really like.

 

***

 

DJ gets off his bean bag and wanders over to the couch and sits down next to Daryl.

 

“Whas’ up little d?” Daryl asks sliding his other boot on. Beth’s fanning her toes with the magazine and Daryl shakes his head. Holding out his hand DJ opens his fingers, a small crooked square of folded paper rests on his palm. Daryl picks it up and looks at DJ. 

 

“You can read it,” DJ says leaning into Daryl. Glancing over at Beth who’s stopped drying her toes to watch the interaction, Daryl unfolds the small square. It’s impossible to breathe as he reads the childish scribble written on it. “Can ya give it to my daddy?” DJ asks quietly. All Daryl can do is nod. He can, he will make sure Merle gets this.

 

“DJ! Come in here please!” Carol calls from the kitchen and then DJ is gone leaving Daryl holding the little scrap of paper. His eyes meet Beth’s and he can see the question there. He flips the paper around so she can see it. He hears her breathe a soft ‘oh’ and her hand is over her mouth and her eyes fill with tears.

 

_ ‘Daddy u will be ok with unkl Daryl’s kidnee. I love you. Love, Daryl Junior’ _

 

His vision is blurry and he rubs his eyes with one hand while he tries to fold up the note with the other. He's not having much luck and then he feels her warm hands cup his as she takes the note and folds it back into a little square not straightening the edges, leaving it just how DJ did it himself. Her tears are still there on her cheeks, evidence that she isn’t ashamed to cry and he shouldn’t be either.

 

Family, fathers- all of it is wrapped up in pain for Daryl. But the sharp edge of a leather belt is nothing compared to the all-consuming ache he feels right now. A little boys declaration of love for his daddy. This is how it’s supposed to be.

 

“Loving people hurts,” Beth whispers. He cuts his eyes to her searching her face for what she isn’t saying because he’s sure there’s more. His arms ache to hold her not only to give her some sort of comfort but to find it for himself. He can’t do that though. He won’t. But he can think about it. 

 

What he can do is take her hand and hold onto it for a minute before he takes DJ’s note and puts it in his pocket.

 

“Supposed ta be a good thing ain’t it? Why’s it gotta feel so shitty?” Beth seems to consider that for a minute.

 

“Maybe because it’s new and you’re learning.” She reaches out this time and rests her hand on his and he realizes it’s not only him that’s figuring things out about her, she’s paying attention to what’s going on with him too. 

 

“It’s like fallin’ off a damn bike again and again.”

 

“Uh huh, and you have to keep getting back on.” Then she smiles and it hurts in the best way possible.

 

“Are you guys holding hands?” Sophia squeaks. They both jerk their hands back and Daryl looks over at the three pairs of eyes looking at them curiously. 

 

“Shit!” he mutters under his breath and he hears Beth laugh nervously as she starts gathering up nail polish and cotton balls. Standing he steps around her hoping she’ll look up at him and thinking it’s better if she doesn’t. “Carol ya about ready ta go?” Heading to the kitchen he skirts around the kid's eyes, walking straight ahead ignoring the giggles.

 

He walks right past Carol, grabs his leather vest and heads out to the car. Once he’s in his seat he lets himself breathe again. It’s all whirling around in his head, everything that happened, a movie set on fast motion and repeat. He blows out a breath as Carol gets into the driver's seat.

 

“You okay?” she asks eyeing him.

 

“Yep,” he says trying to convince himself.

 

“Were you really holding her hand?” Eyebrows raised Carol is waiting for an answer and she’s smiling.

 

“Drive,” he growls leaning back and closing his eyes.

  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Did you cry? Because I sure did while writing this chapter! Let me know what you thought in a review! And thank you again for being here!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! Thank you for all the sweetness! I appreciate it more than you know!

  
  


The drive to the hospital is quiet. Daryl focuses on the way the heat distorts the air above the asphalt on the highway making it shimmer. A word comes forward in his busy mind, refraction. Something to do with light bending. 

 

Carol isn’t pushing him to talk, she hasn’t even tried to start a conversation. After the question, the one Sophia had asked she let him be. He’s thankful for that. He’s thinking. About where they're going and how it’s going to be seeing Merle. There was a before and now there’s an after. Before Merle was Merle, same as he always was, just a little better and now… Well now he’s sick in a hospital and even though the prognosis is good, really good, there’s still that chance. And even though Daryl hasn’t let himself think about that, it’s there now like an unwelcome guest ringing the doorbell.

 

There’s also the fact that Daryl ran off and even though he kept in touch and even saw Merle and Beau about a year ago, he still left. And he feels the shame in that, just like Merle had said, staying away was his shame.

 

“Daryl?” The sound of her voice confuses him for a minute. The car is stopped. They’re parked. When did that happen?

 

“Here already?” Daryl focuses on Carol. She’s grabbing her purse and a bag of things she brought for Merle.

 

“Yep. You ready for this?” How is he supposed to answer that? Cause he is in no way ready, but he’s here and he’ll do what he has to. Maybe she didn’t expect an answer because she’s climbing out of the car, tugging the bag after her. He follows, feeling his pocket for the note he has tucked in there. DJ’s note.

 

The hospital is huge. Grady. That’s what it’s called and he remembers the doctors and nurses in Nashville using the name frequently when they were handling paperwork and test results before he’d been cleared to donate his kidney to Merle. Back then it had just been a word. A place. Now it’s real. Brick and glass and looming over him in the heat of the afternoon.

 

Daryl feels himself tense up as they walk through the automatic sliding doors. Hospitals hold no kind memories for him. A belt that left more than a welt or fists that hit too hard breaking small bones that couldn’t be cared for by his father’s crude attempts. He was forced to lie about his injuries, go along with whatever excuse his mother gave and later come up with his own. Until eventually he just stopped going. 

 

They take an elevator to the third floor and Carol leads him through a maze to a room at the end of a hallway. Through an open door, he sees Merle sprawled on the bed wearing a t-shirt and sweats watching a game show on a flat-screen TV. When Merle sees them he smiles that same old smile and sits up, then stands never taking his eyes off of Daryl. And Daryl can see the effects of his illness. His brother who always seemed to him larger than life looks tired and somehow diminished. 

 

“Well lookie who’s here! Hey little brother.” Words, if he had any, would be caught in his throat that burns with the tears behind his eyes. He nods and ducks his head meeting Merle halfway across the room. His arms wrap around Merle and engulf his big brother who should be bigger, who should be swallowing Daryl up not the other way around. He’s still strong though and he squeezes the life out of Daryl. This physical display of affection is awkward but somehow needed. They’ll carry each other like they always have.

 

Tipping his head back, Merle gives him a once over.

 

“Always hauling my ass outta one predicament or another. Now yer gettin’ me outta the biggest one ever.” Merle laughs, but its strained and Daryl hears the things that Merle isn’t saying. “Always got ole Merle’s back!” His brother's voice breaks then and this hurts in such a profound way.

 

“Fuck you, Yer my brother,” Daryl mumbles hoarsely into Merle’s shoulder. They hold onto one another for a few more seconds then back away swiping at their eyes, pretending not to notice the other is crying.

 

“You finally convinced them to let you get out of bed?” Carol asks moving in between them to slide an arm around Merle’s waist, he, in turn, kisses her on one cheek and then the other.

 

“Yep! Even went down ta the cafeteria earlier ta eat my special, shitty meal at a table!”

 

When Carol finally lets him go he stretches out on the bed gesturing to the chairs in the room which Daryl and Carol pull up next to him.

 

“Ya ready for this little brother?”

 

“Mmmhmm.” If he’s being honest he’s not ready for anything. Like he told Beth, he’s scared. But he’s not running away this time. It felt good to admit that to somebody and she hadn’t judged him. Maybe that’s why it had been so easy to admit that to her. He isn’t one for opening up but to her, this girl he barely even knows but somehow feels a connection, it just happened.

 

There’s a knock on the door and a man probably close to Daryl’s age enters. He’s got a file and clipboard in one hand and with the other, he gives Carol a hug when she stands.

 

“How are you, Carol?” He glances over at Merle. “And you? Still harassing the nurses?”

 

“Shoot! They wouldn’t have it any other way!” He chuckles and points at Daryl. “Dr. Jenner this is Daryl, my brother. Come to save my life.” The weight of that comment makes Daryl itch under his collar. The doctor holds out a hand,

 

“It’s nice to finally meet the man behind the file!” Daryl appreciates his firm grip and the air of confidence the man has. “Big day is tomorrow. And you know I consider myself lucky to be a part of every transplant I’m involved in, but I have to admit it’s the family and friends cases that mean so much. My wife donated her own kidney to me 10 years ago. That’s a pretty damn selfless act.” Daryl shrugs. He doesn’t see it that way at all. Not where he’s concerned anyway.

 

“He’s definitely my hero,” Carol says winking at him. Being the center of all this attention is becoming unnerving but he bears it, thinks about the boys and Sophia and how next summer this will be a memory they’ll probably talk about. And they’ll have their daddy.

 

“I’d say Merle is pretty lucky he has a brother willing to give him anything but a hard time!” Dr. Jenner laughs at his own joke.

 

“Very funny doc!” Merle growls.

 

An hour later after going over pre-op and post-op instructions and the procedure itself, Dr. Jenner leaves them promising to see them bright and early the next morning in the surgery wing. When the door closes Merle clears his throat loudly.

 

“Last chance to get up and run baby brother.” 

 

“Ain’t running no more.” Daryl is aware that this exchange is about more than the surgery tomorrow. It’s the past and the future and a bunch of questions no one wants to ask.

 

“Ya seen my boys?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, I did. How’d ya make such cool kids?” Daryl smirks at his brother and Carol chimes in,

 

“Oh, that was all me! I mean look at Sophia!” The three of them laugh gently and Daryl fishes in his pocket pulls out DJ’s note.

 

“They’re something all right. All of ‘em,” Daryl says. Holding out his hand, the note in his fingers, “This, uh, DJ wanted me ta make sure ya got it.” Merle takes it and unfolds it his eyes drifting over the words his little boy scribbled there.

 

“Goddamn boy, he’s got a heart… fuck.” Carol takes the little piece of paper and reads it. Her own eyes fill with tears.

 

“He gave you this?” Carol asks Daryl. He nods swallowing that lump in his throat that never really left. “My sweet boy. He’s been so worried.”

 

“You go home and tell ‘em daddy loves him, tell ‘em all. I love ‘em and ‘s gonna be okay. Uncle Daryl is here an we got our family-” Merle covers his face with his hands and Daryl has to look away. Seeing his brother like this, so vulnerable, feels wrong. Like it’s an intimate moment he shouldn’t be witnessing. And it aches. Carol slides onto the bed beside Merle and wraps her arms around him whispering to him and this is definitely something Daryl isn’t going to watch. This is their time so he steps out into the hallway. Carol pokes her head out a few minutes later.

 

“You didn’t have to leave Daryl.” He shrugs and steps through the door that she’s holding open. Merle is smiling again from where he’s propped up with some pillows. Carol’s got him all set with his remote and TV.

 

“Y’all better get home. Make sure those kids haven’t run Beth crazy.” Merle yawns. 

 

“Beth’s perfectly capable. Shoot the boys are better behaved with her than they are with us!” Carol comments.

 

“Only cause they love her! But hunger can turn even the smallest men into beasts! It’s gettin’ close ta dinner time.”

 

“I promised them pizza. I’m gonna call in for pick up at Rhee’s.” Carol says as she digs in her purse.

 

“Go on now, don’t torture me! I can’ even eat real food til next week!” Merle moans. Daryl just listens amused by their banter and how as she talks, Carol is covering Merle’s legs with a blanket and kissing him on the forehead before she grabs her bag. 

 

“Get some rest and I'll see you bright and early in the morning.” She tries adjusting the blanket again and he playfully slaps at her hands,

 

“Woman! Go on! Baby brother, we got this.” Merle says reaching around Carol to take Daryl’s hand.

 

“We got this,” Daryl repeats smirking at Merle. “Do I get ta choose which kidney ya get? Cause I think I’ma give you the right one, it’s smaller than the left.” He’s going to make sure they leave on a high note. He’s had enough of this emotional rollercoaster he’s been riding for the past couple of days.

 

“How the hell ya know that?” Merle chuckles.

 

“Xray,” Daryl says.

 

“Yeah, ya go on and keep the bigger one. Gotta have something bigger huh?!” Merle cracks up and Daryl flips him off. Suddenly he feels lighter. He’s doing the hard stuff and finding out it isn’t as hard as he imagined it would be and it feels right, being back with his family. 

 

Family. This is what it’s supposed to be like. 

 

And then there’s Beth. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beau is climbing on the counter when Beth walks into the kitchen. She's used to the things these boys do. Climbing on everything, testing the limits. But they never fail to frazzle her nerves.

 

“Beau! What are you-”

 

“Mama’s coming with pizza ‘s my night to set the table and I’m tryin’ ta find paper plates!” His tone is a bit indignant as if she should know exactly what he’s doing and why. He’s been a little short with her this evening and she can’t figure out what’s going on with him.

 

“You could have asked for help. Come on, get down. I think I saw paper plates in the pantry,” she says holding out a hand. Beau leaps past it and heads into the pantry. Sighing Beth follows him. “Beau are you mad at me or something?” The little boy stands still, the paper plates in his hands. His brow is furrowed when he looks up at her.

 

“Ya always gonna be holdin’ uncle Daryl's hand?” he asks. For a second she isn’t sure how to react.

 

“I, gosh Beau, I don’t-” How is it possible his question can make her feel happy and sad at the same time? 

 

“Ya like him?” Not to mention nervous. Taking the plates from him Beth kneels down so she’s eye level with the little boy. Because as unnerving as these questions are he’s serious and deserves to be treated gently. She knows Beau holds a special place in his heart for her. Merle teases him about his crush on her, but she respects Beau’s heart.

 

“I’d like to be his friend. Everybody needs friends right?” she asks. He’s nodding. And she thinks maybe she touched on something that Beau can understand. 

 

“He ain’t got no friends here. Just us. And I ain’t seen you with any friends neither, ‘cept us. Maybe he can be yer friend too.” 

 

Letting out the breath she was holding Beth realizes that no she doesn’t have friends. Not the kind that you hang out with or call on the phone. Besides the Dixon’s and her family, there’s no one else. After the bad thing happened, she can’t even think the word, people just stayed away. Friends from school and church treated her differently. Oh, they were polite and said all the right things, but it wasn’t the same anymore. She had stopped trying too. And she just learned to be lonely. Somehow it was easier. 

 

“I hope so.” Her and Daryl friends. She isn’t sure she even knows how that works anymore. Beth follows Beau back into the kitchen and helps him lay the plates out on the table.

 

“And if ya wanna hold his hand sometimes, ‘s okay.” He doesn’t look at her when he says it and she can see the faint blush on his cheeks as if he knows what holding hands might mean. She’s been trying her best not to think about holding Daryl’s hand. He’s a nice guy. She likes talking to him and he definitely makes her feel things she hasn’t felt in a long time. But regardless he probably isn’t interested in her that way. He probably prefers a sophisticated woman, closer to his own age. Definitely not a broken girl like herself.

 

Sophia and DJ come tearing through the kitchen headed towards the door leading out to the garage.

 

“Hey!” she exclaims as they leave her standing there, napkins in her hands.

 

“Pizza’s here!” Beau calls over his shoulder as he follows his siblings out the door. Shaking her head she finishes setting the table. She hears them laughing and asking questions about their daddy and what topping are on the pizza as they come back into the house.

 

Each of the kids has a pizza box in their hands and they crowd around the table peeking at what’s inside. Carol sets her purse on the counter and smiles at Beth.

 

“Everything go okay?” Beth nods and feels a flutter in her tummy as Daryl comes in the garage door with soda and beer in his hands. Beth hurries over and takes a couple of two liters from him.

 

“Yep. We just watched movies. How about you guys?” She glances over at Daryl as they set the soda and beers on the counter. She catches a glimpse of the leather vest he’s wearing.

 

“We met with the doctor and went over all the pre and post-op instructions. I think we’re ready as we’ll ever be, right Daryl?” Carol says hurrying over to the table where an argument has broken out over pineapple and pepperoni. 

 

Stepping back so she can see it better she sees what is stitched to the black leather. Wings. Angel wings. She can’t help herself, she reaches out to run a finger over one of them, smiling to herself.

 

Until Daryl looks over his shoulder.

 

“Whatta ya doing back there?” he asks gruffly.

 

“Oh, I- you have wings on your vest.” Stating the obvious, she cringes at how ridiculous it sounds.

 

“Yeah, so?” 

 

“I just, before when Carol told me about you and what you were doing for Merle, I had this picture in my head of an angel. A guardian angel. And now,” waving at the back of his vest she blushes because she feels silly, “you have wings on your vest.” The last part is almost whispered and she turns away quickly busying herself with getting ice from the freezer. The cold air on her hot face feels amazing and she pauses there for a second.

 

“I ain’t no guardian angel.” He’s right behind her reaching over her to grab the ice trays. And his close proximity makes her shiver. She tells herself it’s the freezer as she shuts it and turns around.

 

“But you have wings, Daryl.” The man knows what’s on his vest. Her mouth just doesn't know when to stop obviously. But that’s the thing, she doesn’t want to stop. She wants to keep him talking. He shrugs his shoulders and pulls out a couple of beers.

 

“I like wings, ‘s all.”

 

“Me too. Well, I like birds and they have wings so… Are one of those beers for me?” She’s a bundle of nerves now and she might as well keep on with her ridiculous chatter. Or maybe she should just walk away and save face. He’s looking at her now, one eyebrow raised.

 

“You even old enough ta drink girl?” Her heart sinks because it’s exactly like she thought. He’d never be interested in her. She’s too young.

 

“I'll be 21 in two weeks. And I do occasionally have a beer. I mean I don’t drink like to get drunk or anything I just-” He’s chuckling and popping the lids off the beers, taking one more he opens it and slides it over to her.

 

“Thank you.” At a loss for what to do next and afraid of continuing to make a fool out of herself, she grabs the bottle and hurries over to the table where she is immediately drug into the debate over pepperoni and pineapple. This is safe. The kids are laughing, Carol is passing out slices of pizza and Daryl is all the way across the room where she can’t see him.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

DJ keeps slipping Daryl his pizza crusts, trying to be sly so his mama doesn’t see. She told the boys they had to eat all of their pizza crusts included if they want dessert, which happens to be their favorite, chocolate ice cream cones.

 

Obviously, DJ wants a cone really bad. He slid his first crust over onto Daryl’s plate and just looked at him.

 

“Ya ain’t gonna get yer dessert.”

 

“I hate crusts.” Sounds just like Merle. Daryl, on the other hand, likes the crust, it’s his favorite part of the pizza. So he doesn’t say anything. Keeps their little secret for DJ.

 

It seems Beth has noticed their little deal but she just smiles and shakes her head. She’s gonna be 21 in two weeks which makes him 14 years older than her. That seems like so many years between them. But it also doesn’t. And should it even matter? Merle’s 10 years older than Carol. All the math is giving him a headache. Beth is going to be 21. She’s young and beautiful and probably has a boyfriend. 

 

Still, she’s smiling at him.

 

“He doesn’t like the crust on his bread either.” The kids finished up and Carol’s making cones while Beth and Daryl clean off the table. She’d volunteered and he’d just started helping.

 

“Damn kid doesn’t know what’s good!” He noticed that she ate her crusts and drank all her beer.

 

“I know right! My sister, Maggie, she’s dating Glenn Rhee. His family owns the pizza place. But he’s running it now.”

 

“Must get lots a free pizza, huh?” Folding up the used paper plates he waits, watching her close up the empty boxes.

 

“Not really. Maggie probably eats there. We can take this stuff out to the trash. So it doesn’t fill up the can in here.” Following her out the back door she makes her way to the big plastic can on the side of the house.

 

“What about you? Got a boyfriend?” Classy Dixon! He thinks to himself. But he wants to know. 

 

“I don’t, I,” shaking her head she tosses the pizza box into the can and holds the lid for him, “I don’t have a boyfriend.” She seems a little nervous like his questions bothered her.

 

“Wasn’t trying to pry, just figured, ya know yer a pretty girl and must have plenty a guys... fuck I don’t know, I’ma shut my mouth now.” The trash is taken care of but neither of them heads back towards the house.

 

“Merle and Carol never said anything about me?” She still has that nervous look on her face and her eyes are big and blue and watching him closely.

 

“Well no. Is there somethin’ I’m supposed to know?” He knows there’s something. He can make guesses. But only Beth has the answers and whether or not she wants to share is up to her.

 

“My daddy- he had an accident. So I spend a lot of time helping him out. Maggie and I both do. It’s been that way for awhile. So I don’t have a lot of friends…” Now she looks embarrassed.

 

“Ya got these guys. They sure like ya. And hell I ain’t got no friends at all!” Another confession. He’s trying to make light of the situation because regardless of everything he still has this desire to make her happy, see her smile.

 

“Beau told me, he said maybe you and I could be friends, seeing as we don’t have a lot of friends.” Beth’s soft laughter confuses him. Is it funny that neither of them has friends or that they could be friends?

 

“Might be nice ta have a friend,” Daryl says shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“I kinda feel like we already are friends Daryl, I mean aren’t we?” Her expression is so hopeful and it doesn't matter a damn bit if she’s 15 years younger than him. They can be friends. She wants to be his friend. 

 

“Yep. We buried a bird together and everythin’. Can't-do things like that and not be friends.” He feels her smile all the way to his toes.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s starting to get dark and as much as Beth would like to just sit here for awhile longer where she feels like the Beth she used to be, it’s time to head out. Besides, she’ll be here at six the next morning.

 

But Daryl won’t be coming home tomorrow night.

 

She loves being with the Dixon’s, always has since that first time she came by the house. So why now is Daryl’s presence a determining factor in if she should stay or go? It’s ridiculous. She’s being ridiculous. 

 

“I think I better head home.” Her voice sounds especially loud in the quiet room. They’d put on a movie because DJ had once again developed a tummy ache. The little boy had climbed up into his mama’s lap and that seemed to be exactly what he needed because he passed out not long after. Beau did the same where he was curled up in a beanbag. Only Sophia remained awake determined to see how the movie ended.

 

Daryl had been dozing off too. Beth had noticed his heavy eyelids and had to bite her lip to stop herself from giggling when his head started nodding to the side until he’d catch himself and sit back up. She spent more time watching him and really had no idea what the movie was about. There was a girl and her father and something about space. That’s all she got out of it. But she did learn that Daryl slept with his mouth slightly open and even the smallest of sounds had him jerking awake.

 

Like he had now when she spoke.

 

“Ya riding that horse home in the dark.” His voice was husky with sleep and Beth doesn’t think she’s ever been turned on by the sound of someone’s voice. Daryl Dixon is waking up things inside of her that she forgot even existed.

 

“Nellie knows the way.” That didn’t seem to impress him.

 

“You could walk her halfway uncle Daryl. Sometimes daddy does,” Sophia says. That’s true. Merle has as much faith in Nellie’s GPS as Daryl seems too and he has walked with her until they could see the farm. She’s pretty sure he stood there until she’d made it to the barn.

 

“You don’t have to do that Daryl, really,” Beth says but without much conviction, because it means she’ll get to spend a few more minutes with him.

 

“Nah, I can do that.” He stands and stretches and she sees his tummy where his shirt rides up and once again she feels things she hasn’t felt in so long. 

 

“You get to bed when you get back Daryl. And don’t even think about sneaking a piece of the leftover pizza. No food until after surgery!” Carol is in mama mode, scooping up DJ and fussing at Sophia so Beth and Daryl take their leave. 

 

Outside it’s dark enough that Beth can see the stars and the horizon line is fading fast as the sun sinks lower. Out of habit, she searches for the moon. Seeing it reminds her of her mama and it makes her feel good.

 

“What’re you looking fer?” Daryl must think she’s lost her mind, searching the sky like she is.

 

“Oh, the moon, but I just realized it’s a new moon tonight. I forgot.” Reaching for Nellie’s lead she unties it.

 

“Ya like the moon too?” Daryl asks. And it sounds like he really wants to know. Not like he’s just making conversation. 

 

“Yeah, I do.” But she won’t tell him why. She might. Someday.

 

“Yer weird girl.” He says it with a chuckle and he’s teasing her and it, like everything else, feels good.

 

“I probably am.” Probably is an understatement. 

 

“ ‘S good thing. Being different.” They fall into step with one another. She could have easily ridden alongside him but she’d rather walk.

 

“You think so? You must be weird too.” She teases him back and there’s a soft flutter in her belly.

 

“I’m definitely weirder than ya are.” Her feet have traveled these woods more times than she can count, she knows the way with her eyes closed so seeing Daryl step so lightly as if he is as just as familiar with them is impressive.

 

“You’re really sure-footed.” Beth feels her face flush. What kind of comment is that? “I mean for someone who hasn’t walked these woods. Is it because you’re a hunter?” She knows a little about hunting. Her daddy and brother use to go all the time before, well before everything changed.

 

“Could be. I’m a tracker too. And I been walking these woods since before you were even born.” Daryl says.

 

“How old are you Daryl?” She can’t see his face but she does see how his head turns in her direction.

 

“Does it matter? Ain’t gonna be friends with me if I’m too old?” He’s teasing again, but not completely.

 

“Not to me. But I kinda get the feeling it might to you.” He doesn't respond right away which leads her to believe she hit the nail on the head.

 

“Don’t know. I never been friends with a younger-,” he pauses, “woman.” His choice in words lets her know that he doesn’t think of her as a child, not like she thought he must. He could have said younger girl, but he didn’t. Although being called girl by him is not bad. Not bad at all.

 

“I’m 35,” he says after a moment and she does the math because well who wouldn’t. And the years aren’t much.

 

“You’ll be happy to know you aren’t too old to be my friend.” She can’t help but giggle. And she thinks to herself that her daddy was 20 years older than her mama. Of course, she isn’t going to share that with him because, well that’s implying that they could be something more than friends. And although that idea is one she wants to hold onto, she doesn’t want to scare him away. 

 

Just because they’re friends now doesn't mean he wants anything more than that. Even though his eyes soften when he looks at her. She’s sure of it. And he seems to want to be around her. So.

 

“There’s the farm. I can find my way from here, Daryl. Thank you for walking with me though.” She stands in the grass next to him, stalling.

 

“ ‘S nothin’.” Oh but it is. Dropping Nellie’s lead she steps in and although she can sense him tensing up she tentatively slides her arms around his waist and leans into him.

 

“Good luck tomorrow. I’m sure everything is gonna be fine.” She doesn’t trust herself to say anything more. Leaning down she takes up Nellie’s lead and heads toward the farm. With each step, she feels that weight settle around her and she wonders if it will ever go away. That voice in her head, the one she doesn’t listen to whispers, 

 

_ ‘maybe if you’d let it go' _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14 years... I don't think that poses a problem at all! But the road to love is never easy! Stay tuned! And let me know what you thought! Those are the best! And so are all of you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Slow burn, slow burn, slow burn... I apologize to everyone who just wants them to kiss already! It's such sweet torture! Thank you for all the love! ******

Once Nellie is taken care of, Beth quietly makes her way into the house. The kitchen lights are on which means someone is still up. Most likely Maggie. She’d rather not have a confrontation with her sister right now, but coming in and not saying a word will end up backfiring on her.

 

The kitchen is brightly lit and Maggie’s at the table surrounded by paperwork. She raises her head at the sound of Beth’s footsteps and gazes at her tentatively like she’s waiting to see what Beth will do first.

 

“Hey…” It’s weak but Beth is unsure too, of what to say, how to act. When did this happen? When did her sister become a stranger?

 

“Late night?” Maggie asks and Beth detects a little bit of irritation in the inquiry as well as her sister’s demeanor. Now she’s wishing she’d just gone up to her room.

 

“I guess so. Carol and Daryl brought dinner back,” Beth says standing in the doorway. Maggie's shoulders seem to relax a little and she gives Beth the smallest of smiles.

 

“Daryl, that’s Merle’s brother right? He’s donating one of his kidneys?” Beth nods and the image of the wings on the vest Daryl was wearing last night comes back to her.

 

“Yeah, that’s him.” Beth is aware of how her voice changes talking about Daryl. How even in her ears it’s different.

 

“That’s a pretty amazing thing to do.” Maggie’s smile is genuine and Beth realizes that she misses it, misses them.

 

“It is. And Merle, he’s done so much to help out daddy I just feel like I should be there for them.” Beth is explaining and she doesn't need too. But standing here in the doorway with Maggie watching her she feels about 12. When Beth was 12, Maggie was the only mother figure she had. But she isn’t her mother. She’s her sister and things always got complicated because they were put in those roles. They’re still complicated.

 

“You like being over there,” Maggie says and she’s still smiling at Beth and yet it feels like it’s an accusation.

 

“I’m just trying-”

 

“I know Beth.” Maggie's not smiling anymore, she just looks sad. “You’re going back in the morning right? Will you be there all day?” Her skin prickling, Beth sighs.

 

“I will. But daddy knows. And once the kids are up and have breakfast we’re gonna come back and take care of the chores. I’ll get daddy’s lunch made too.” She does her best to keep her tone even and frustration in check. She’s been doing this a lot more lately. Trying.

 

“Oh good. I need to go over to the clinic first thing in the morning. But I’ll feel better if you’re here with him. Even though daddy would like us both off doing anything else but hovering over him.” Maggie shuffles some of the papers around.

 

“Did he say something?” Beth asks thinking maybe they’ve been having more discussions that don’t include her.

 

“No. He’s just trying to do more, doesn’t want help.”

 

“That’s good though right?” He’d said he wanted to look into a prosthetic leg and he’s determined to get back to work. That’s a huge difference from where he was a year ago.

 

“It is. I just, I worry.” Beth knows exactly what her sister worries about and why. It all falls back on what Beth did. It always falls back on her.

 

“I worry too you know,” Beth says softly. Her sister takes a breath that sounds like she’s going to say something but then changes her mind.

 

“So what’s Daryl like? I remember all the rumors that used to go around, but Merle has pretty much proved them all wrong…”

 

“He’s,” Beth knows what she thinks and feels about Daryl, but that’s just for her. The rumors are a mystery, she’d been too young to pay attention to the things that were said about the Dixon’s. “He’s a good guy.” It’s not nearly a worthy description of Daryl. He’s so much more than just a good guy.

 

Maggie waits like she expects more watching her little sister with a soft smile.

 

“I better get to bed. Goodnight Maggie.” She smiles at Maggie and Maggie smiles back.

 

“Goodnight Bethy.” This time the nickname doesn’t bother her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Friday morning comes even before Daryl’s internal alarm. He wakes to Carol gently shaking his shoulder.

 

“Whas’ wrong?” he mumbles, disoriented and struggling to sit up.

 

“The surgery’s been bumped up. We need to leave at 6, Daryl- I just got the call.” There’s frustration in her voice as she rushes out of the room. And it’s understandable everything is already kind of chaotic without last minute schedule changes.

 

Sliding his feet over the edge of the bed he rubs his face and looks at the time on his phone. 5:15 am. His bags already packed all he needs is a quick shower.

 

When he comes out into the kitchen a few minutes later, Carol is spooning scrambled eggs into a Tupperware container. She’s got orange slices on the cutting board. Must be breakfast for the kids.

 

A towel still draped around his shoulders, Daryl feels his stomach rumble. The oranges smell good but he isn’t allowed to eat anything yet. Doc’s orders. No coffee either which is gonna be the worst part.

 

“Wha’ ‘bout the kids? Ya got Beth coming early?” Daryl asks.

 

“I texted her. She’ll head over around 6:30. These guys aren't going to wake up. And if they do Sophia knows how to get ahold of her.”

 

That means they’ll be gone before Beth gets there. Disappointment curls it’s way around the nervousness he’s already feeling. He realizes he’d been counting on seeing her before he left. Taking her smile as well as the words she gave him last night and carrying them with him to the hospital.

 

Carol watches him closely- and it’s a little too close for comfort. He isn’t going to give the chance to find whatever she’s looking for or start asking him questions he can’t answer.

 

“Them oranges smell too good. ‘M gonna get my bag and stuff.” And get out of here he thinks.

 

The sky is just beginning to turn, the pinks and golds burning away the dark blue velvet of the night. Birds are calling out to one another and a faint breeze rustles in the trees. His eyes are drawn to where he knows the path is, the path that he took with Beau when they went into the woods. The same path he walked Beth home on last night.

 

Maybe she’ll come early. Maybe. There’s a click. A door closing and Carol calls him.

 

“Daryl? Let’s head out.” He can hear the tension in her voice and he knows she’s worried. For wholly different reasons than he is. Heading to the car he tosses his bag in the backseat.

 

“Lemme drive. I need ta focus on somethin’ sides whas’ comin’.” Driving will keep him busy and give Carol some time to get herself together.

 

“I won’t argue with that. Thank you, Daryl.”

 

“Ain’t got yer coffee?” Daryl asks after buckling his seat belt. He knew he smelled it in the kitchen. Smelled it and wanted a cup really bad.

 

“I’ll get one after I get you and Merle settled. Besides it’s not fair for me to torture you.” A small smile and a wink from Carol makes him feel better. She’s a tough lady. She’ll get through this. She’s come this far after all. So has he.

 

Backing out of the driveway Daryl’s eyes are drawn once again to the path into the woods and he’s hoping he’ll see a flash of blonde. But it doesn’t happen. She isn’t there. The sun starts to cross the horizon and its brilliant light is like a sign. Is he a complete idiot for wanting to believe that?

 

It’s almost as good as her. Almost, but not quite.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

A text woke her up early that morning. The surgery was bumped up and Carol and Daryl needed to leave earlier. That wasn’t a problem, Beth had gotten up and headed over to the house a little after 6 only to find they’d already left.

 

He was gone and she hadn’t even been able to wish him good luck.

 

He was gone and she didn’t get to see him.

 

She stood there at the edge of the woods staring at the empty driveway. She’d taken it for granted that he would be there. Ducking her chin to her chest, she stared at the ground, at her feet in faded black converse and she blinked back tears, silently reprimanding herself for being so pathetic. Daryl wasn’t gone for good. He’d be back and she‘d see him then. Thinking that he would have appreciated another hug was laughable. She remembered how he had tensed up last night when she’d wrapped her arms around him.

 

But he hadn’t pushed her away. And for a few seconds before she let go he had leaned into her.

 

The boys aren’t awake when she tiptoes into the house, but Sophia is. Curled up on the couch in a flannel shirt Beth knows for a fact belongs to Merle when her eyes meet Beth’s their tell-tale redness gives her away.

 

“Oh Sophia, sweetie what’s wrong?” Beth sits beside her wrapping an arm around her and pulling her in close. Leaning against Beth’s shoulder she speaks softly.

 

“I’m worried about my dad. And my mom and uncle Daryl… I wanted to say goodbye. But mama didn’t wake me up,” she sniffled. Beth sympathized with her completely.

 

“I bet they wanted to let you sleep is all. Don’t be sad.” Beth contemplates what she’s going to say next, wondering if sharing it with Sophia is a good idea. She decides that maybe it will be.

 

“You know I wanted to see your uncle Daryl this morning too. And I was sad when I got here and he was already gone.”

 

“Do you like him?” Sophia has a little smile on her face now and that’s much better than the tears.

 

“I, I think I need a friend and he does too,” Beth pointedly dismisses her question because she isn’t ready to admit anything to anyone. Not even herself most of the time.

 

“I think he likes you too. He watches you and he smiles. A lot.” Now Sophia is giggling and Beth is blushing. Did she just assume Beth likes her uncle?

 

“Your daddy and Daryl are gonna be fine. And your mama is one of the strongest women I know. So try not to worry Okay? I bet we will be hearing from her real soon.” Sophia nods and Beth gives her a hug.

 

Any hope for a few more minutes of girl talk is thrown out the window as the twins come running in, matching bedheads and superhero PJs.

 

“Beth! Mama said we gotta eat breakfast and then go help with yer chores on the farm! I wanna say hi to Mr.Hershel! He’s gonna let me look at his leg! He said last time-” Beau is wide awake and ready to conquer the world which is par for the course with him. But DJ is standing back looking a little lost.

 

“Yep, that's what we’re gonna do Beau. Go get yourself dressed and I can get breakfast.” The little boy turns and runs dashing round his brother.

 

“No running Beau! We promised Uncle Daryl!” Sophia yells and Beth thinks that’s an odd promise but she’s watching DJ and thinking fast on how she can make the little boy feel better. At least a little.

 

“Hey DJ, I was thinking that later we could make some cards for your daddy and uncle. I know you love drawing and I bet having some pictures from you would make them both feel better.” The change is immediate and Beth feels a rush of relief. Seeing DJ hurting breaks her heart in ways nothing else can.

 

“Okay, Beth. I got new colored pencils too.”

 

“I love colored pencils!” Beth smiles.

 

“You can make a card too!” DJ suggests. The idea of drawing pictures in a get well card for Daryl is all at once appealing and nerve-wracking. But she’ll do it for DJ.

 

“DJ lets use the big paper and make really big cards! I bet daddy would laugh at a giant card!” Sophia has a soft spot for DJ too. She loves on him like a little mama sometimes. To the point where he gets irritated. And Beth can sympathize with that.

 

“Okay, we have a plan now go get dressed!” Beth says standing and shooing them off to their rooms. Maybe they’ll forget about her making a card. She can sign the ones they make. She can’t make Daryl Dixon a colored penciled get well card! No way. It makes her cringe thinking of what he would think about that. But then again, he said they were friends and he didn’t laugh at her bird funeral. So maybe he’d accept a card from her too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl's surgery took almost exactly two hours. Then he spent two more very uncomfortable hours in recovery with three other people. He’s finally in his own room and he's really hoping that he doesn't get a roommate. The anesthesia didn’t sit well with him and he’s been sick since he woke up. It’s getting a little better but he’s still nauseous and grumpy and would prefer to be left alone.

 

That doesn’t happen though.

 

Nurses are in and out. They check his vitals and take more blood. One comments on how sweet his brother Merle is and he grabs the little container they gave him to puke in and he pukes. Talk about perfect timing! That sets them off again and finally one of the nurses, a tiny older woman asks him if he has had anything at all to eat. When he says no she starts muttering to herself and pats his arm.

 

“The anesthesia can be hard on some patients stomachs. I’ll bring you some ice cream, Daryl. That usually helps.” She has a nice smile and he bets she’s someone’s grandmother and probably gives them ice cream too. He justs nods and feels bad that she got stuck taking care of the bowl of puke.

 

The ice cream does help and he’s just starting to doze off when the nurses come bustling in again. The sweet grandmotherly one isn’t with them this time. They have an IV pole and a clipboard and they start moving things around on the other side of the room. This can only mean he’s getting a roommate. Which makes him nauseous all over again.

 

A few minutes later a bed is rolled in and he hears him before he sees him,

 

“Hey, little brother! We’re roomies again!” Merle sounds entirely too cheerful to have just come out of surgery. Orderlies wheel his bed in and Carol brings up the rear. She hurries over to Daryl and leans down to hug him. Giving him a good once over she smiles,

 

“You had to have known this was going to happen.” Winking she heads over to Merle to help the nurses get him situated. Once the nurses are gone Carol stands back between the two beds and holds up her phone.

 

“What the hell are ya doing?” Daryl growls.

 

“Ah jus’ shut yer mouth and smile! Gotta let them kids know we both made it outta surgery alive!” The pain meds agree with Merle. Maybe too much so.

 

“Come on Daryl. I think it will be good for DJ to see you both. I’ll send it to Beth’s phone and she can show them.” Carol says holding up the camera again.

 

“Beth!” He’s not one to care much for how he looks on a daily basis but he’s in a hospital gown and he’s been puking all day. And she’s gonna see? Probably take one look at it and change her mind about being his friend.

 

“Whas’ a matter baby brother, don’ wan’ a pretty girl seeing ya in that gown there?” Merle laughs.

 

Gritting his teeth he thinks of DJ and how it will probably make the kid feel a lot better and that’s all that matters. Besides Beth knows he’s in the hospital. He’s Merle’s fucking guardian angel, wings and all. So he tries to smile but it ends up more like a grimace and Carol takes the picture.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth and the kids are back at the house when another text with the picture comes.

 

They’d gone to the farm and taken care of the chores and Beth made sandwiches for her dad and wrapped them up and tucked them in the fridge. He wasn’t there when they got there and at first, she panicked. She rushed through the house looking in all the places he might be and then headed out to the barn calling his name. The kids followed behind her picking up on her fear that she was trying her best to keep hidden.

 

“Mr. Hershel ain’t here Beth! Call Ms. Maggie maybe she took him with her.” Words of wisdom from an 8-year-old boy. Beth had nodded because she was on the verge of crying and she quickly called Maggie's cell phone.

 

Hershel was in fact with Maggie who nonchalantly apologized for not leaving a note.

 

“I just forgot Beth.” she’d said.

 

“I was so scared, Maggie! I thought he’ fallen somewhere and-”

 

“He’s fine. He’s with me. You don’t need to worry.” Beth had been so angry and relieved all at the same time. She ended the call and sat on a hay bale and cried. DJ patted her knee, Sophia rubbed her back and Beau climbed up in her lap saying he was gonna have a talk with Ms. Maggie.

 

“Ain’t right making ya cry, Beth!” They were so sweet, all three of them and that along with everything else overwhelmed her and she cried even harder. Then she pulled herself together and hugged them all.

 

“I’m okay. I was just worried about my dad.” Wiping her cheeks she smiled at them. “You guys are the best. Beau, I didn’t even think of calling! Thank you for reminding me.”

 

“I’m worried ‘bout my daddy too,” DJ said.

 

“I bet once we finish these chores your mama will call, maybe even before. How about Sophia and Beau feed the horses and we can get the eggs DJ?”

 

Under her bright smile, Beth fumed all morning. How dare Maggie act like it was no big deal. If it had been Beth there would have been hell to pay. But there was work to be done and the kids needed her which meant she couldn’t sulk around all day.

 

With their help, Beth finished everything in no time. Carol sent a text about halfway through their morning and told her both Merle and Daryl were in recovery doing fine and she’d text again soon.

 

Now here they are with crayons, markers and colored pencils spread across the dining room table when Beth opens her phone. What she sees makes her smile. Two beds. Merle looks like he’s having the time of his life while Daryl looks like he’d rather be anywhere but in that bed. She hopes he isn’t hurting and wonders if he can feel it, that missing piece. Is there an empty space where his kidney was or did everything move around and fill it in? Mostly she just wants to give him a hug. Like she had last night.

 

“Did mama text you?” Sophia asks and Beth notices they’re all watching her.

 

“Yep and you guys are gonna love this!” Holding out the phone they all crowd around looking and laughing.

 

“Uncle Daryl looks like he’s got a tummy ache!” Beau crows and Beth has to agree, Daryl doesn’t look very happy.

 

She decides right then and there that the next day she’s going up to the hospital. She wants to see him. And she wants to see Merle too. He’d been sick for so long and now he has the chance to get better and back to his old self. Because of Daryl. And those wings.

  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“I jus’ wanna tell ya again how much I ‘precaite this Daryl. I never woulda asked but my wife, I guess she kinda likes me, wants me around a while longer.” Carol left and Merle settled down some. He keeps nodding off and Daryl’s waiting for the moment when his big brother finally falls asleep for good so he can try and rest too.

 

And stop thinking about what Beth thought when she saw the picture.

 

“Toldja already, yer my brother.” Daryl mumbles. All this emotional bullshit is exhausting. But he wouldn’t change it. Not now.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Guess I’m the lucky one huh?” Yawning Merle lays back and closes his eyes.

 

“Mmm hmmm, now go ta sleep.”  Merle doesn’t respond. Which is a good thing. The nurse on call had come in earlier and given Daryl a pain pill and he’s starting to feel the effects. Falling asleep is gonna be easy.

 

“Love ya little brother.” Goddamn Merle, always has to have the last word. Cause as soon as he said it he was snoring.

 

“Love ya too brother,” Daryl says it back just in case.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When she finally gets home, Carol is bombarded with questions the minute she comes into the house. Shooing them all into the living room she makes them sit on the couch and take turns. Once she’s answered them all she pulls out her laptop and asks Sophia to help the boys find a small pool or a slip n’ slide and tomorrow they’ll go buy it.

 

“I need something to keep them busy once Merle’s home. They’re gonna want to climb all over him!”

 

“How soon can he come home?” Beth asks wondering if it’s the same for Daryl.

 

“5 to 10 days depending on how he does. Then he’s looking at about 3 months recovery. Thank god we have the inheritance from my uncle. There’s no rush to get back to work. And I can take care of Daryl to.” Carol drops into a chair and opens the beer she took from the fridge.

 

“Will Daryl stay as long as Merle?” She’s trying to be nonchalant. She’s probably failing miserably. Giving Carol a minute to drink some of her beer she goes to the fridge and gets a water for herself. She sometimes has a beer, but she isn’t a big drinker and only asked Daryl for one last night because she was a nervous wreck.

 

“Daryl only has to stay for 2 days, 5 at the most. But knowing Daryl he will leave as soon as possible.” Carol chuckles.

 

“I can’t say I blame him. I’d miss my own bed.” Beth takes a sip of water and smiles at Carol. “I bet you’re relieved.”

 

“I am! And once they’re both home and things settle down life will be good.” Carol looks tired but happy.

 

“If you need any help just let me know Carol. I want to help.” Carol is contemplating her in a way that makes her feel self-conscious. Like she knows things. Like a mother.

 

“Thank you, Beth, you know I will take you up on that!” Taking another drink her gaze falls on Beth again. “You like him, don’t you?”

 

Beth could feign ignorance, pretend she has no idea what Carol is talking about. But they both know she’d be lying.

 

“I, he doesn’t know about me, what I did, so he doesn’t look at me in that way-” Beth begins. Carol looks a little confused.

 

“You know, with pity or something. You guys don’t do that. At least not anymore. It’s just- you know me as Beth the girl who cut her wrist. And Daryl, he just knows me. It’s nice not to have the dark cloud hanging over my head. Probably sounds completely stupid,” she laughs softly, “but he makes me feel like I think I’m supposed too.”

 

“I understand that. What happened to you is a part of who you are and if anyone is gonna understand, it’s gonna be Daryl. It’s like something set all of this in motion.” Carol waves her hand around and it looks absolutely ridiculous and so is what she insinuating.

 

“You mean like fate?” The universe wouldn’t dare give Beth Greene something good. She doesn’t believe that at all. She used to though. She used to believe in the possibility of all kinds of things.

 

“Maybe. You don’t think so?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Well this is a small town and eventually he’s gonna hear something. I just think he should hear it from you. I mean if that’s what you want. And I don’t think it’s gonna change the way he feels one bit.” Sometimes when Carol does this, sits and talks to her and gives her advice, Beth feels like she’s kind of doing what her own mama can’t. And isn’t that kind of like fate?

 

“The way he feels- what do you mean?” Her heart is beating a little faster now because everything is starting to feel a little surreal.

 

“Daryl doesn’t go out of his way to get to know people. Especially women. He’s always been that way. But there’s something about you that’s got him to open up. You and my little boy are doing something to him. And it’s a good thing. But I have to warn you, he’s very perceptive. I see how he looks at you Beth and I’m sure he sees more than you think you want him too. You might want to try letting him in too.”

 

Nodding she looks down at the table. Let him in? But what if he- she’s been alone for so long now. And she did it, she put up walls with doors that only she holds the keys too. It makes her feel safe. At least that’s what she tells herself.

 

She didn’t realize that she was lonely though.

 

And she never wanted anyone else to come in.

 

Until him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Anesthesia always makes me sick. So I do my best to avoid it... Sorry, Daryl! A little FYI, the song 'Dust to Dust' by The Civil Wars is an influence in these first chapters. Please let know what you think! It matters! It really does!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I didn't get to spend as much time with this chapter as I wanted too! I had some family issues to deal with and I really just wanted to give you guys something! So I hope it makes sense and stays true to the story. Thank you for all the love!**

  
  


Saturday morning Beth is up earlier than usual. She has no problem admitting to herself why she wants to get her chores out of the way. It’s Daryl. Ever since she saw him in the woods she’s felt this change going on inside of her and she doesn’t want it to stop. Even if all he ever is to her is just another member of the Dixon family that she hangs out with, she wants it. Even if he never feels what she does. Whatever that is. Because she isn’t sure, not one little bit. She wants to be his friend and she wants him to be hers.

 

However, she won’t admit that to anyone else.

 

The confrontation last night between her and Maggie is a guarantee that her dad and sister will avoid her or give her space to work through things. Whichever excuse they decide to use this time. And they’ve used them both before. It does hurt thinking that they would rather back off than attempt to try and talk to her. But it also means she won’t have to stumble through an explanation about where she’s going this morning and why.

 

After the phone call that morning, she’d put it all aside for the rest of the day. But she hadn’t let it go and when she’d come home to find her sister and father at the kitchen table discussing the clinic and all the things Beth wasn’t privy too, she’d let them know how upset she had been, how scared, and how she was sick of being treated like she was still that lost 17-year-old girl.

 

She was foolish to hope that things between her and her sister were getting better. One evening of civil interactions doesn’t change everything. Maggie had blown her off like it was nothing, like what she’d felt when she couldn’t find her daddy was just Beth overreacting. Again. Her father had at least apologized. But Maggie hadn’t. She’d just kept on pushing. “Maybe if you made your family a priority-”

 

“Why? Because you actually want me here? Or is it just so you can keep an eye on me, make sure I don’t cut my other wrist!” Staying calm went out the window with Maggie’s attitude and Beth’s emotions got the best of her and before long it was a screaming match between the sisters with Hershel trying to referee. 

 

Beth had backed down first. Which was always how it went. She’d ran upstairs showered and climbed into bed. She’d been ashamed of the things she’d said. But they were true. For her, they were absolutely true.

 

Crying was the last thing she wanted to do. But she always ended up losing her fight with that battle. Last night hadn't been any different. She’d cried herself to sleep. She hadn’t even been really sure why she was crying. She knew her feelings were justified. But she also knew she’d acted like a child instead of an adult. She’d been hurt and angry and sometimes it was easier to just throw a tantrum. Because that’s what they expected.

 

What she can’t understand is why, after all this time, she still feels like she had that day she’d looked into the bathroom mirror. Like everything she needed to say was locked somewhere deep inside of her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Her little Ford Focus spends most of the time parked by the barn now. She’d take into town occasionally when she had something she needed to do. 

 

It had been a gift from her family on her sixteenth birthday. She liked her daddy’s pickup well enough and felt safe driving it. But this little car was all hers and for a little while, it had given her a sense of freedom.

 

Now it’s taking her into Atlanta and the drive is long enough that she starts to have second thoughts. Is she being too forward by just showing up at the hospital? Maybe she should’ve called or at least talked to Carol about it. 

 

Maybe she needs to stop worrying and just go with it. Merle will be happy to see her. There's no doubt about that. And Daryl, well if what Carol told her last night is true then maybe he’ll be happy to see her too.

 

Grady Memorial Hospital is huge and kind of imposing. As Beth pulls into the parking lot she imagines that Daryl probably felt the same way she does looking up at the buildings that tower over her. He’d said he doesn’t like hospitals or doctors.

 

Once she’s inside she heads over to a kiosk that has an information sign above it. She wouldn’t even know where to begin and she’s going to need a little help. The woman working the kiosk smiles as she types Daryl’s name into a computer and compliments Beth’s braid. 

 

“He’s in room 609. Just take the elevator’s to your left up to the 6th-floor surgical unit.” She points in the direction of a set of elevators.

  
  


In the elevator on her way up she realizes she didn't bring anything with her. She’d left the cards the kids had made with Carol. And her empty hands hang at her sides. Do men get flowers? Or balloons? She doubts very much that either of those options is one Daryl or Merle would care to have. Maybe she’ll offer to get them something to eat from the cafeteria. 

 

She’s still mulling over it when the bell rings on the 6th floor. More signs lead her down the hall to room 609. The shades are pulled and the lights are turned down low. She sees Merle first and he’s sleeping with his arms folded behind his head. Looking over at the other bed she meets Daryl’s gaze. He’s already seen her and his blue eyes never leave her as she comes into the room.

 

“Hi Daryl,” she says sheepishly because she suddenly feels more than just little self-conscious about her decision to come.

 

“Hey, Beth.” He sounds tired. But he’s smiling. Glancing down at his phone he left lying in his lap she sees the colorfully lit screen and can’t help but giggle.

 

Candy Crush.

 

“Staying busy?” she asks.

 

“Bored outta my mind. Gotta do somethin’. ‘S the only thing I know how ta do on this phone.” Clicking out of the game he starts to lean over to put the phone on the tray next to his bed but as he stretches he groans a little and falls back onto his pillows.

 

“Are you hurting?” she takes the phone and places it on the tray for him. Shifting on the bed he nods. She wants to do something to help but she continues to stand there feeling a little awkward and out of place.

 

“ ‘S mainly my back. From sittin’. Damn nurses said I was gonna be able ta get up and walk a little but they never came back.” He glances over at the door as if he’s double checking for those nurses.

 

“I can go-” she starts

 

“Nah, ‘s okay. Give ‘em a few more minutes.” They’re both silent. Now that she’s here Beth isn’t sure what to say or do and she’s incredibly nervous.

 

“I-”

 

“Wha-”

 

They both start in talking at the same time and she feels her face heat up with embarrassment.

 

“Go ahead,” she says.

 

“Jus’ gonna ask wha’ yer doing here.” Rustling from Merle’s bed and then his husky laughter stalls their conversation.

 

“Beth! Girl whada ya doing here? Them kids send ya ta make sure we’s still alive and kicking?” 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Of course, Merle wakes up.

 

Two minutes, all he got was two minutes to look at her, to watch her face and her eyes and he knows she’s nervous and he’s wondering why? Why is she standing here in his hospital room like she stepped out of his dream? 

 

He definitely shouldn't be dreaming about Beth. 

 

She’s talking to Merle and smiling and there isn’t a trace of that nervousness from a minute ago. She’s completely at ease with his brother. And he’s a little jealous. But he takes the time to watch her while she’s preoccupied with Merle. She’s wearing a little white skirt and a blue tank top. It’s the same color blue she painted her toenails. A braid falls over her shoulder and tendrils of blonde hair frame her face. She’s summer and looking at her makes him feel things he would rather not.

 

And why the fuck does he remember her toenails? 

 

Feeling around on the bed for his phone and remembering she moved it for him he looks down at his hands resting on his lap. Anywhere but at her.

 

He’s been thinking.

 

And what he’s thinking is he’s been thinking about her way more than he should. And not in a ‘just friends’ way.

 

She’s Merle and Carol’s neighbor.

 

She babysits for the kids.

 

She’s a lot younger than him.

 

And she’s beautiful.

 

He doesn’t know what to do with all those little revelations that really aren’t much at all. Except for the part about her being beautiful. That’s something. But they’re friends. That's what they decided and he can be nice to her and do things to make her smile because he’s her friend and not because of anything else. 

 

Certainly not because she’s beautiful and when she smiles he wants it to be at him and for him. He’s an idiot. That’s all.

 

“How’re you feeling?” She asks Merle.

 

“Oh, I’m kinda tired. A little sore. Baby brother over there, he snores like a damn bear, kept me up all night!” Merle chuckles.

 

“Bullshit! Ya slept like a log man! A snorin’ log!” Merle snores and Daryl hardly slept. It could also be due to the fact that the nurses were in and out poking at him all night. And that he’s here in this place where he doesn’t feel all that comfortable.

 

“I suppose yer right.” Merle giving up without a fight must mean he’s not feeling his best. So Daryl leaves it at that. A nurse comes in pushing her little cart and she heads for Merle. 

 

“Okay, Mr. Merle I need to check your vitals!” She’s cheerful and Merle makes a corny joke about his vitals but Daryl doesn’t hear what his brother says because Beth has moved back over to his side of the room and she’s perched on the end of his bed watching him.

 

“Can I ask you a really strange question?” She has her hands clasped in her lap and that nervousness is back. Why’s she gotta feel nervous with him?

 

“Uh yeah, guess so?” Her cheeks are flushed pink even before she starts talking.

 

“I was just thinking, it’s ridiculous, but,” she pauses as if she isn’t sure she wants to ask anymore.

 

“Go on girl.” He finds he likes the fact that whatever she’s gonna ask him has her all embarrassed. Although that could be really bad on his end too.

 

“Do you feel different? I mean can you feel the empty space where your kidney use to be?”

 

Merle lets out a big guffaw. He was probably all ears the minute Beth said she had a strange question for him.

 

“Shut up Merle!” he growls and he shrugs, looking back at Beth, “I don't think I felt it when it was there- so being gone don’ make no difference.” It definitely wasn’t something he’d even entertained. But it’s true, there is an empty space inside of him.

 

“Makes a helluva lot a difference fer me!” Merle says and Beth giggles.

 

“It was a dumb question- I just, I don’t know. I think if they took something out of me I’d feel it. Kind of like a scar,” she says. She’s playing with her bracelet, a leather band on her wrist. And it’s the first time he’s paid attention to the fact that it’s there. 

 

“Scars ain’t there for you ta know what’s missin’, they’re proof ya been livin’ girl,” Merle says gently. The little exchange between his brother and Beth doesn’t go by unnoticed. Something happened right there. Merle’s talking about scars and he and Merle know a fuck of a lot about scars. But Beth?

 

He doesn’t want to think about anything leaving a scar on her.

 

**xxxxXxxx**

 

It’s a little hard to breathe. Merle’s comment hit too close to home and she knows that was his intention. She did bring up the scar though, and sometimes she says things without thinking them through. But her scar is a constant reminder of what she lost, of what’s missing.

 

She did that, she gave it a meaning and it’s not anything like Merle seems to think it should be. It’s not proof of anything except the fact that she was weak.

 

SIghing, she raises her eyes to Daryl and of course, he’s watching her. This visit wasn’t supposed to be about her or all the things that are complicated in her life right now. And it’s not going to be.

 

“Come on,” Holding out her hand she smiles when he raises an eyebrow but she notices he doesn’t hesitate to reach back.

 

“Wha’ the hell ya doing?”

 

“Your back hurts and those nurses aren’t doing their job. Let’s go for a walk, Daryl. We can bring the IV with us.” Standing up but not letting go of his hand she reads the label on the bag of fluid. There’s a bag for a saline solution and an empty antibiotic bag. She remembers from her daddy’s hospital stays that this is standard procedure after a surgery. Daryl’s wearing a t-shirt and sweats and she almost bets he refused the standard hospital gown. That thought makes her smile.

 

“Whas’ so funny?” he sounds a little irritated. And that amuses her more than anything.

 

“You aren’t wearing a hospital gown.” She’s stating a fact. She lets his hand go as he eases himself up off the bed and he’s taking his time but doesn’t seem to be in any pain.

 

“Ain’t wearing that ridiculous thing. Why ya ask? Thinking ya might get a flash of my naked ass?” That makes her blush because she wasn’t thinking that at all. But he must have been. And now she definitely is.

 

“Ain’t a pretty sight Beth. Yer lucky he pitched a fit and made the nurses let him wear his sweats.”  Merle winks at Beth and settles back on his pillows. “Think I’ll rest a bit while y’all are out walking.” 

 

Beth holds on to the IV pole and lets him go ahead of her. Before they even get to the door Beau pokes his head inside a big smile on his face.

 

“Uncle Daryl!” The little boy heads straight for his uncle and without even thinking about it Beth steps in front of Daryl.

 

“Careful Beau, your uncle is a little sore.” She glances up at Carol who's standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face. Next to her DJ and Sophia are looking from their uncle to their daddy, their eyes huge.  DJ makes the first move, he steps around all of them intent on reaching his daddy.

 

“Well lookie here! It’s my favorite kids!” Merle no longer sounds tired. And Beth can see by the expression on his face that this is the best thing that could have happened.

 

“We’re your only kid's dad!” Sophia says giggling. The three of them crowd around his bed, pictures and cards clutched in their hands.

 

“You're up and around!” Carol says leaning in to kiss Daryl’s cheek.

 

“Yeah, I uh, I wanted ta take a walk.” Daryl seems a little self-conscious. Beth hopes that she hasn’t stepped on his toes by making him get up and walk. Or by what she just did. With Beau. 

 

“Well go on then. You’re in good hands.” Carol winks. Heading towards Merle and the kids she leaves them standing there by the door. 

 

“Ready?” Beth asks and Daryl nods taking his time and moving out into the hallway.

 

“Thought Beau was gonna knock me over. Thanks, fer stepping in.” This makes her feel a  whole lot better and she moves in beside him.

 

“Mr. Dixon! I’m so sorry! We got caught up with another patient.” The nurse in the station outside his door heads over to them.

 

“Yeah, my back was botherin’ me. Had ta get up.” The nurse does a once over of the IV pole and once she seems satisfied she nods them on their way. 

 

“Ok, Mr. Dixon let's do this.” Beth teases gently.

 

“Hey, don’ call me that. ‘S weird.” 

 

“Oh?” 

 

“What if I called ya Ms. Greene?” He asks. He probably thinks it would be weird for her and it is- sort of. But.

 

“Well, at least it sounds like you don’t think of me as some young girl.” She might be looking for reassurance. Because isn’t that the ‘thing’ she’s most worried about.  “But yeah it’s weird. “Sorry, Daryl.”

 

He’s chewing on his bottom lip and giving her a sidelong look. He shrugs and puts his hand on the IV pole above hers. He’s obviously got something on his mind but she's beginning to think he keeps a lot of what he’s thinking and feeling to himself. 

 

“Ain't nothing wrong with how old ya are.” He mumbles. Holding her breath and letting her hand slide up so it’s barely touching his, but is touching, she’s thankful he didn’t keep that to himself. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Walking definitely makes him feel better. Walking with Beth beside him is an added bonus. He’ll deal with all his conflicting emotions about her and what he feels and what he wants and whether or not he should want it later.

 

Right now he’s just gonna enjoy this. He feels good and Dr. Edwards came in earlier and said he could leave as early as tomorrow providing there are no complications. As far as he’s concerned, he’s good to go. He’s more than ready to go!

 

There’s only one small problem. How he’s getting home. He obviously can’t ride his bike and he doesn’t want to impose on Carol or get a lecture for not taking it easy and staying another night. That just leaves Beth. For the last five minutes he’s been telling himself he can ask her. It’s what friends do. 

 

“Uh, Beth, can I ask ya a favor?” She looks at him and they slow down a little but they keep walking.

 

“Sure Daryl.” 

 

“I’m getting out tomorrow, but I don’ got a ride…”

 

“Carol can’t come and get you? Does she need someone for the kids-” His expression must have given him away. “She doesn’t know you’re leaving?”

 

“Doc said I could if I was feelin’ up to it.” He stops now and looks over at her trying to gauge her feelings on the matter.

 

“I’ll give you a ride home Daryl. As long as you’re not making a break for it.” One eyebrow raised she’s giving him the once over and it makes him want to laugh out loud. Very few things in life make Daryl want to laugh.

 

“That what ya think of me?” He’s teasing but she’s shaking her head.

 

“I’m not doing anything that might hurt you. But if the doctor says it’s okay…” They start walking again. 

 

“Oh, uh, don’ say nothin’ ta Carol okay?” he says nonchalantly.

 

“You’re gonna owe me for that. The ride is a freebie but keeping secrets from Carol, that’s gonna cost you!” They’re heading back towards his room and he can hear his nephews talking and Sophia giggling and his mind wanders a little to a place where he’s thinking just how he could pay her back.

 

“I’m good for it girl.” The way she smiles over at him then eliminates any guilt he had about those thoughts he was having. That’s another thing he’ll deal with later.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The kids have the cards they made with her yesterday and when she and Daryl walk back into the room she sees the card she made lying on his bed. Her skin prickles with embarrassment because she completely forgot about it and never imagined they’d bring it with them.

 

But there it is, a sun with a smiley face, some birds and ‘Get Well Soon’ written beneath it. The kids immediately hold out the cards they made for him and while he’s busy admiring them Beth tries to push her card off to the side where maybe it will be forgotten.

 

No such luck though. After he thanks the kids Beau chimes in,

 

“Where’s yers, Beth? We brung it too!” The smile on his face it too much and she reluctantly slides the silly card across the bed so Daryl can see it. He picks it up and chuckles.

 

“ ‘S got birds and they got wings…” his eyes cut to her and she knows exactly what he’s referring to. Beau looks completely confused though.

 

“Course they got wings! They’s birds!” Shaking his head he looks at the two of them like they’re both completely nuts.

 

Daryl eases himself down onto the bed next to her, the card still in his hand.

 

“Thanks, Beth,” he says. And all of a sudden him having the card she made isn’t all that embarrassing. 

 

“You’re welcome Daryl.”

 

The boys decide they really want french fries from the cafeteria. Apparently, they’re the best fries around and even Merle agrees that french fries sound ‘mighty fine’. Beth volunteers to take the kids and get fries for everyone.

 

“Since I didn’t bring flowers or balloons or anything…” she says. But Daryl is still holding her card. So there’s that.

 

Its chaos as Carol tries to pull out some cash and Beth says it’s her treat and Merle says ‘no way, Carol give er some money!’ And she’s forced to take the twenty which she won’t use and tucks it in her pocket. Herding the kids out the door she peeks back in, eyes on Daryl,

 

“Just fries?” He’s looking down at her card in his lap and doesn’t seem to hear her.

 

“Just fries Beth,” Carol says. Beth feels herself blushing again and she hurries out the door to follow the kids to the elevator.

 

For all she doesn’t understand about Daryl and the things that happened that led him to leave, she realizes that whatever it was is nowhere near as important as his presence is now. Not everything leaves a scar and even if it does, it doesn’t mean you can’t go on living does it?

 

She isn’t going to think about her own family right now. That makes her sad and she decided the day she met Daryl in the woods she wanted to feel something more than sadness. So, for now, she’ll hold on to this, right here, for as long as she can.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **There it is! Let me know what you think! And hugs to all who are watching the MSP tonight… I think we’re going to need them!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Some fluff and stuff because I needed it! Skinny love makes for the best slow burn.**

 

It’s amazing how different the world can be in just one day. Yesterday on the drive into Atlanta Beth had been hyper-focused on whether or not visiting Daryl was a good idea. She’d been a nervous wreck and so worried how he’d feel. 

 

It had all turned out fine though. But she’s been second guessing herself on this whole thing with Daryl since the beginning. And that probably won’t change anytime soon.

 

Pulling into the parking lot the buildings that had seemed so intimidating a day ago are just buildings and somewhere inside of them, Daryl is waiting for her. She’d been surprised when he’d asked her if she’d give him a ride home. And last night her mind had gone back and forth between two extremes; he’d asked her because she was his only option or he’d asked her because he wants to spend time with her. 

 

He could’ve asked Carol. He’s a grown man and if he wants to leave the hospital and he’s given the okay by his doctor he can. Carol would've come and picked him up. Beth knows that for a fact.

 

But he asked her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s been up and ready to go since 7 am. He’s gone from sitting on the edge of the bed to standing by the window staring aimlessly out at nothing. He’s restless.

 

He wants to believe that asking Beth for a ride home was a good idea. And he’s wondering what his actual motive is and if he even has one. Merle put that notion in his head and it stuck and as hard as he tries to let go of it, it’s not leaving. Carol would’ve come. He knows this even though Merle pointed it out. More than once.

 

But he wanted Beth to come. Because he would very much like to see her again.

 

Now it’s turned into something that didn’t have to be a big deal because Merle is prying, sticking his nose into Daryl’s business and Daryl supposes it warranted. But.

 

He’d told Merle first thing this morning that he was going home and Merle had pouted at first because he didn’t want to stay any longer himself. Then he’d asked what time Carol was coming and if she was bringing the kids. Daryl felt guilty then because seeing the kids would make Merle happy. He’d confessed that it was Beth who was coming and that’s when the conversation got complicated and before the brothers had even been able to finish it Beth walked in.

 

Seeing her again, how beautiful she really is and how young... She looks like she’s brand new and he’s something old and used like the clothes his mama used to buy for him from the second-hand store when he was a kid. He’d worn them because he had no choice. This girl, she has a choice. No way in hell is she gonna chose him. And then she smiles.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The tension in the room is palpable. Beth can feel it the moment she walks through the door. Daryl’s standing between the two beds, his hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders hunched over. She catches the look on Merle’s face, the one he’s giving Daryl. But before that, before she realizes there is definitely something going on, there’s Daryl and she can’t help but smile. 

 

“Hey there Beth! How was the drive?” She turns her attention to Merle and his face has softened, that hard expression he wore is gone.

 

“Oh, it was fine.” Merle isn’t necessarily looking at her in any specific way but it feels like there’s something in that look that has a lot to do with what happened before she walked in.

 

“Come all the way back here ta take my impatient brother home?” She glances at Daryl and can’t discern anything from his expression. Besides the fact that he’s looking at the floor, chin tucked to his chest.

 

“Um, yeah. He asked me too.”

 

“Mmm hmmm.” Merle looks between the two of them. And she realizes that Daryl looked like a child being reprimanded when she walked in. And now she kind of feels the same way.

 

“Is something wrong?”  

 

“Nah, he’s just pissed cause I’m leavin’ early,” Daryl says as he reaches for the duffle bag on his bed. Taking the bag in hand, he scoops up a few pieces of paper that are also lying on the bed. Then he just stands there, bag in hand and Beth feels uncomfortable and unsure of what to do next. Merle’s watching Daryl and Daryl is purposely ignoring him.

 

“You’ll be out of here soon Merle.” Beth’s voice sounds way too loud in her own ears. But it makes Merle laugh and when he holds out a hand to her she takes it.

 

“I know. Y’all better head out. Get Daryl here home. Y’all are going straight home ain’t ya?” He raises his eyebrows and again Beth has the feeling there is more going on here between these two than just the fact that Daryl’s going home first.

 

“Nah, thought we’d find ourselves a bar, get shit faced and raise some hell.” The sarcasm is rolling off Daryl in waves. Merle laughs again and flips Daryl off.

 

“Fuck you baby brother. Jus’ remember our little conversation.” Daryl pauses but never looks over at Merle. He does, however, acknowledge the comment with a slight nod.

 

“Com’on Beth.” He heads toward the door and Beth gives Merle a small smile before following Daryl. Once they’re in the hallway she has to practically run to keep up with him. His long legs and wide stride cover more distance than she’s capable of. It’s obvious he’s bothered and his mind is on other things. But when he turns a corner and disappears she takes a deep breath and rushes forward to catch up.

 

“Daryl-” she finally calls out to him, “can you slow down?” He stops and looks back at her, realization dawning on his face.

 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, “ guess I’m in a hurry to get outta here.” Beth doesn’t doubt it. Although she has an inkling it’s a little more than that. He slows down and matches her stride and she appreciates that. Not only does it mean she can keep up, she’s also able to look over at him. HIs profile, which to her in its ruggedness is kind of beautiful. She wants to cup his cheek in her hand, feel the scruff against her palm.

 

The elevator opens with a soft hiss and Daryl lays a hand on the door letting her step inside before him. They lean against the handrails and Beth scoots over just a bit closer until she’s sure she can feel the warmth radiating off of him.

 

“Is everything okay?” she asks gently. He doesn’t answer right away. Waits for a second.

 

“Yeah, ‘s fine.” It’s not really. She doesn't believe that, not for a second.

 

The elevator dings when they arrive at the lobby and the sun coming through the windows is brilliant and it seems to have the same effect on Daryl that she feels it has on her.

 

Everything is lighter.

 

“Merle wanted ta know why I asked you for a ride and not Carol.” He offers this to her. 

 

“Carol could’ve picked you up.” She puts it out there because it’s true. Carol would’ve come. They both know it’s true.

 

“I wanted ta see you.” It’s what she wanted him to say, what she wanted to believe was the real reason he’d asked.

 

“Oh..” It makes her feel things, things that wrap around her and squeeze in just the right way. But. “What did you tell Merle?” 

 

The question obviously makes him uneasy and he shrugs his shoulders. Pressing him for more doesn’t even cross her mind. She knows if she waits he’ll figure out how and what he’s going to say.

 

And she’s right.

 

“I tol’ him it ain't none of his business.” Daryl glances over at her. “Couldn’t leave it alone though, wanted ta know when I got ta know you well enough to be askin’ fer a ride.”

 

“Well even if we weren’t friends already, you’re Merle’s brother, I’d have said yes-”

 

“That why yer doing it?”

 

“Well no-”

 

“Then why?” She leads him to her car in the maze of hundreds of other cars in the parking lot. And with her hand on the handle of the door she looks at him, makes eye contact and ignoring how what she’s about to say buzzes through her like the promise of things to come, she says,

 

“I wanted to see you too, Daryl.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl can’t recall a time when he honestly hoped the drive from one place to another would never end. Except when he’s riding his bike. He could do that forever. 

 

He’s kind of figured out that Beth talks. A lot. And she talks even more when she’s nervous. Which he kind of thinks she might be. For what reason he isn’t sure. But she’s been talking and laughing and making excuses for her little car which is better than his nonexistent one.

 

“Ain’t nothing wrong with this car. At least ya got one,” he says. She thinks about this for a minute.

 

“That’s true. What’s it like riding a motorcycle? I mean I’ve been on dirt bikes but never on a street bike. And you rode all the way from Nashville!” She’s never been on a street bike and all he can think about is how he’d like to take her for a ride. Show her what it’s like. That would be easier than telling her. And she’d have to hold onto him. That’s a thing he thinks about for just a moment. He’ll save it for later. Clearing his throat, he shifts in his seat.

 

“ ‘S different than a car, ‘s a little like flyin’.” Cringing he wishes he could take the ‘flying part back.

 

“Like a bird?” she giggles and then it becomes an inside joke, between the two of them and he likes that.

 

“Yep,” he chuckles. “But I’d like ta find a truck. Somethin’ that has room for a buncha kids.” He’d like to take them out for a pizza or drop them off at school. Whatever it is that uncles do. 

 

“Oh, they’d love riding around with you Daryl!” The things she says, she’s always so nice to him. She makes him feel like he’s more than what he ever thought he was. “I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

 

“Thanks, Beth.” They’re both quiet then and he wracks his brain for something to say. He just wants to keep her talking because he likes listening to her. “Ya hungry? Wanna stop and get somethin’ ta eat?” 

 

“I am kind of hungry, but you told Merle-”

 

“Merle ain’t here. And I told him we were going ta the bar. If you was old enough that’s where I’d take ya, I mean if ya wanted to…” Merle is exasperating even when he isn’t with Daryl. He’d seemed bothered by the fact that Beth was picking up Daryl from the moment he’d found out. He wanted to know why and how Daryl knew Beth and he’d kept on until he finally asked the question Daryl knew he’d wanted to task all along.

 

“ _ Ya like her or somethin’? Cause she’s a good girl, a nice girl-” _

 

_ “What suddenly yer her daddy? I like her fine.”  _

 

_ “She ain’t gonna be like them women ya jus-” _

 

_ “Ain’t like that! Fuck Merle! Sides those were yer women. I ain’t looking fer- jus’ ain't like that!” _

 

_ “Calm down baby brother!” _

 

_ “Fuck you! Wha’ I ain’t good enough ta be her friend?”  _

 

_ “Ah hell no. Yer more than good enough. It’s jus' when things get complicated ya tend ta take off.” _

 

_ Daryl can’t deny that. He does do that. Has done it more than once. _

 

_ “An that girl’s had more heartbreak than one small body should be able ta handle. She ain’t gonna get none a that from me and mine.” _

 

Beth had walked in right in the middle of all that and nothing more was said. He didn't get to say he’s not running away. Not anymore no matter what. Merle being a dick hadn’t really been the reason for his mood. It had been the fact that once again he was hearing about Beth and the sadness she sometimes seems to carry. He doesn’t want his instincts to be right about it. But hearing about her heartbreak from Merle makes it even more likely that she’s got a lot more to her story than just a sister who might not be very nice. And that bothers him. So much so that he wishes she’d tell him everything and he could go and fix it all. 

 

Wouldn’t that be nice?

 

Maybe it’s none of his business though and he should just let it be. The only problem is every time he looks at her he wants to pull her in close and fight off anyone or anything that tries to hurt her.

 

Merle can say what he wants, but Daryl isn’t running away. He came back. He never expected Beth and their friendship. But he doesn’t want to be anywhere but home and home is the people he cares about most in the world. 

 

All that that entails has yet to be seen.

 

She’s smiling at him now and there’s a twinkle in her eye.

 

“I’m so close to 21, who’s counting?” That’s right she has a birthday coming up.

 

“When’s the big day?” Do friends buy each other presents? Even when that friend happens to be a girl and he happens to like her and maybe he hopes that she likes him too? He’s never bought a girl anything except for a drink. This is entirely new territory.

 

“Oh, it’s on Tuesday but it’s not exactly a big day. I don’t…” She doesn't finish what she’s saying, let’s it hang there.

 

“Ain’t having a party or somethin’?” She’s gonna be 21. That’s a big deal. At least in some families. He wants to believe it is in hers.

 

“No, I’m a little too old for that. And, well, no.” She leaves it at that and he does too. Because he knows how it feels to have to explain things that shouldn’t need to be explained.

 

He won’t forget Tuesday though. Won’t forget that this girl who has literally fallen out of the sky like some bright star that shines so bright she hurts his eyes but he can’t look away- this girl deserves to be happy on her birthday.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They did stop to eat after all. It was one of those drive-ins, the kind that looks like they might fall over but have the absolute best burgers on the planet. And Daryl seemed extremely impressed that she ate as much as he did. Then he told her he thought one of the instructions on his post-surgery list was no greasy foods and all that food she ate just felt like a rock in her stomach.

 

He was kidding of course and she’d smacked him on the arm while he chuckled a little. She’s noticed he really doesn’t laugh. Not like other people do anyway. He’s kind of reserved.

 

But what had surprised her was what he’d asked her.

 

“Why ya care so much?” She’d been a little confused and he must have sensed that because he went on to explain. “Bout me leaving the hospital, eatin’ bad food- I don’ know. Just wondered why ya care about all that?” His face turned a bright red that went all the way to the tips of his ears.

 

Why did she care? She just did. 

 

“Is it okay? That I care about you? We’re friends. Friends do that.” Hadn’t Daryl had anyone in his life that was concerned about him? She knew from Merle’s stories that their dad had been horrible. But what about friends? Girlfriends? She really wanted to ask, about a girlfriend. But she also didn't want to imply anything. Even though he had asked her.

 

“ ‘S okay,” he’d said quietly. Which was good. She’d save the girlfriend questions for another time.

 

Carol and the kids had been happy to see Daryl and like she figured Carol hadn’t said anything about him leaving so soon after the surgery. She also hadn’t commented on the fact that Beth brought him home. That wasn't a mystery to Beth though. They’d had that conversation and Carol knew how Beth felt. A little anyway. Not all of it. Even Beth didn’t really know how she felt about all of it.

 

Carol told them Merle had called. He’d ratted Daryl out because he wanted to come home too. He’d also pressed for details about Beth and Daryl. Daryl had huffed out a breath at that and shook his head.

 

“Ain't no details.” Which of course got her wondering what that meant.

 

After the excitement of Daryl’s homecoming wore off and he’d put away his things, they’d sat down in the living room and Daryl told the kids all about his surgery in excruciating detail, which the boys loved.

 

“Did ya get a shot?” Beau asks.

 

“Five!” Daryl exaggerates.

 

“I bet ya ain’t got stitches like me!” DJ chimed in and Beth notices how Daryl’s taken aback by the little boy’s comment, but only for a second.

 

“Nope. I ain’t that brave!” He says making DJ smile.

 

Sophia, on the other hand, thinks it was gross and makes Daryl promise to keep his belly covered until it heals. He pretends like he’s going to lift up his shirt and she’s screams.

 

“Uncle Daryl!” 

 

Through all of this Beth was happy to sit next to him on the couch. Because every once in awhile he’ll look over at her and smile a small crooked smile that makes her wish she didn’t ever have to leave.

 

But eventually, she does because it’s time.

 

“Daryl you look worn out. Go lay down. I’ll get dinner going and-” Carol starts.

 

“I’m good,” he says and Beth kind of figures he’s staying for her because she’s still here. 

 

“You should rest. I’m gonna go home and just- I’m gonna go home.” Beth says gently. That seems to make up his mind too.

 

“I might rest or somethin’. Where’d the kids go?” Daryl’s looking around and Beth realizes she hadn’t seen them leave either.

 

“I sent them outside for awhile.” Carol smiles at them both as she gathers up some cups from the coffee table. She heads into the kitchen and Beth feels it. A difference. This happens a lot with Daryl. Things seem to shift. From one thing to something else completely.

 

“Um, maybe I’ll…” Standing she is about to turn and go when he speaks.

 

“Can I have yer number?” Blinking at him and biting her lip because he just keeps on surprising her. “I mean if ya don’ want-”

 

“I want you to have my number.” It comes out in one breath and she giggles embarrassed by her own enthusiasm. But he doesn’t seem at all fazed as he holds out his phone to her. 

 

“Oh.”

 

“You could, ya know, put it-”

 

“Yeah, right. I’m an idiot.” Swiping the screen she opens the keyboard and taps in her number. Then she hands it back to him.

 

“Thanks, fer coming ta get me.” His voice is gravelly. Like he just woke up or…

 

“Oh! Um, you’re welcome but it wasn’t a big deal, Daryl.” Then just like the night he walked her home before his surgery she slides her arms around his waist and hugs him. She’s gentle because she doesn’t want to hurt him and she can feel the bandages underneath his t-shirt as they rub against the material. He settles his arms on her waist and hugs her back.

 

He doesn’t just lean into her. He hugs her. 

 

Her head is on his chest and she can hear his heart beating and letting go is so much harder than it should be. She tilts her head and looks up at him, his blue eyes looking back at her. And before she moves away completely she wonders what it would be like to kiss him.

 

“Go rest Daryl. I’ll see you soon.” 

 

She thinks she said something to Carol as she left and she may have waved to the kids as she climbed into her car. Maybe.

 

But she knows he was standing at the door watching her leave when she backed out. She knows that for sure.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This one was short. But wasn’t it sweet? Thank you for reading… I appreciate it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This update almost didn’t happen and I apologize in advance for things… Life has been less than perfect lately and even though writing is my escape, time for writing was hard to carve out. But things are settling so I expect to be back on my game by next Sunday! Thank you for such sweet comments! They have been more than appreciated lately! Go enjoy!**

On the drive home, Beth’s doing her best to stay back there at the Dixon’s, her arms around Daryl, his arms around her. She’s so busy trying to memorize how it all felt so that she can tuck it away and call it back later, she doesn’t see Shawn's truck or register the fact that he’s on the porch with her daddy and Maggie. 

 

Slamming the door on her car she swings her bag over her shoulder and rushes up the steps, her boots making a hollow sound on the bricks.

 

“Oh!” She raises her head to find her family staring back at her expectantly. It catches her off guard seeing all of them standing here together on the porch.

 

“Where ya been Beth? We were gettin’ worried.” Shawn’s got his hands in his pockets and his expression is borderline guilt and chagrin. Of course. 

 

She didn’t tell anyone she was leaving. In fact, she’d been glad that no one had been around so she didn’t have to explain herself. Explaining herself and making excuses is beginning to get old. 

 

“I went to pick up Daryl from the hospital.” That’s all she offers. Even though it’s basically nothing as far as they’re concerned. 

 

“Daryl?” Shawn looks from Beth to Maggie clearly confused.

 

“Daryl Dixon,” Maggie says staring pointedly at Beth.

 

“He’s Merle’s brother, Shawn. How’d the surgery go, Beth?” Hershel asks. Maggie is still staring at her and it’s becoming a thing that Beth is going to have to address. Maybe. 

 

“Daryl Dixon? He’s back? I thought he ended up in jail or somethin’. “ His ignorance and the weight of all Maggie wants to say is wearing on her. “How do you know Daryl Dixon?”

 

“Does that matter?” Frustration evident in her voice, Beth pushes her hair from her face.

 

They’re all standing here, these people who are supposed to know her. They’re her family but they really have no idea at all. This thing that’s happening right now, it’s more about what she might have been doing, what she did once before. 

 

“Daryl is Merle’s brother. He was gone for awhile and he wasn’t in jail. He came back because Merle’s been sick. He needed a kidney and Daryl gave him one.” It sounds so simple, so cut and dried and it’s really not. It's bigger than any words she can use to explain it to these people who are staring at her like she’s someone they don’t quite recognize.

 

“I didn’t realize how sick Merle was,” Shawn says.

 

“You never asked.” She feels a sudden surge of protectiveness for the Dixon’s. Being with them, it’s easy, she feels more like herself with them than she ever does here in the house she grew up in. Carol and Merle, they know what she did. They know and they don’t judge her for it. “He’s been helping daddy out here for the last two years. Maybe if you spent more time here, brought the girls over,” she doesn’t mean to take it here. To this other place where things that need to be said never are. But she does.

 

“Beth..” Shawn starts. His tone carries a warning. And being the obedient girl she always is she’ll heed the warning. But she’s tired of this too.

 

“Like you have room to talk! You’re always running off!” Maggie interjects.

 

“I’m here every day! And I have been. The both of you left. You left and…” It’s pointless. Nothing will come of arguing about the things that have been done in the past. Maybe she’s as much to blame for that as they are when they look at her in that way. As if they’re trying to gauge what she’s thinking, feeling or might do. Again.

 

“We were just worried is all Beth.” Her daddy the peacemaker. She really doesn't want to hurt him. He’s trying at least, but the close relationship they once had when she was a very little girl has been tried and tested and proved lacking.

 

“I’m sorry daddy.” The porch suddenly feels too small to hold everything that isn’t being said and Beth can’t breathe. “I’m gonna go wash up.” Heading for the door she isn't surprised that her sister has to try and get the last word.

 

“Could you leave a note next time?” But even as she says it her sister’s voice falters. And when Beth turns and looks at her it’s written all over Maggie’s face. 

 

“Yeah, you know a lot about leaving notes don’t you Maggie.” It’s not her voice. It’s hard and mean and tears sting in her eyes as she hurriedly turns away pulls open the screen door. 

 

The hushed voices and whispers start up even before the screen slams shut behind her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Stretching, Daryl rolls over and a sharp pain blossoms in one of his incisions. So far he’s felt very little pain. The area is tender and the other night when Beth hugged him, he’d felt it. But he’d gladly deal with it again- if he could hug her. 

 

He doesn’t do that. Hug people. Physical affection has always made him uncomfortable. Physical anything. Because he learned early on that hands hurt and touch isn't always a good thing. 

 

Sunday night was the second time she hugged him and just like the first time, he didn’t feel the sudden urge to push her away and maybe that more than the physical part of it is what unsettled him. It felt good. And he hadn’t wanted to let her go.

 

The TV is on in the living room and he hears voices, the kids, Carol. Grabbing his sweats he pulls them and a t-shirt on and he pads out into the living room, it’s empty Daryl picks up the remote and turns the TV off. He’s just beginning to wonder if they all left when Beau walks in his face red and sweaty.

 

“Hey, Uncle Daryl!” A smile that is more comical than anything else spreads across his face. Daryl can’t help but smirk because the kid has a gaping hole where a front tooth should be.

 

“Boy why ya all red-faced?” 

 

“Had ta help mama clean up the yard. Daddy’s comin’ home today and we’re gettin’ a slip n’ slide!” 

 

“Where the hell’s yer tooth?”

 

“Fell out last night. I got two dollars.” He holds up two dirty fingers.

 

“Get changed, Beau! We need to get going!” Carol says as she comes from the kitchen. “Daryl, did we wake you? I’m sorry!”

 

“Nah. I been awake for awhile.” He hadn’t left his room at all yesterday. Spent the whole day laying around feeling off. The surgery, a new room that he isn’t used to, sharing space with other people, it’s different. But he knew it would be. He expected it to be.

 

“We’re going to Walmart. I have to get them something to do outside. Merle comes home today and they’re just driving me nuts! How about you? I bet you're looking forward to getting into the apartment aren't you?” He shrugs his shoulders. That has been on his mind too. His own place.

 

“ ‘M good.”

 

“Don’t lie. Hey, you said you needed a few things, wanna tag along?” There are a few things he needs. He hates Walmart with a passion, but getting up and doing something productive might make him feel better. And going alone doesn’t sound all that fun.

 

“Alright.” Maybe he’ll be able to keep his mind busy and off of her and her phone number. Which he asked for and now he isn’t sure what to do with it. Is he supposed to call her? 

 

Then it hits him.Today is her birthday. Surely he can send a text for that reason. And he can get a card or something too.

 

“Lemme go change and grab my wallet.” And his phone. He’s gonna send a text right now. While he still has the nerve.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The text comes while she’s cleaning up from breakfast. 

 

-Happy Birthday, Beth. It’s Daryl.

 

She sends back a thank you and they’re so insignificant, those two little words, compared to what she’s feeling.

 

“Morning Bethy.” Her daddy comes in on one crutch, a catalog rolled up in his other hand. Taking a seat at the table he sets the catalog down and sees that it’s from the prosthetics company. He notices her noticing. “I’m going to start looking, this crutch is wearing me out.”

 

Beth nods because she’s having all kinds of feelings about this sudden change of heart her daddy has had but she hasn’t really processed them yet.

 

“I have a plate for you in the oven.” Reaching down she takes the plate of eggs and bacon out and sets it beside the book.

 

“Well thank you. I got up a little late this morning.” Usually, he cooks breakfast. Or they all just grab something on their own. Today she was awake and wanted something to do.

 

Handing him a napkin she starts to walk out when he stops her with words she isn’t expecting.

 

“Happy Birthday Beth,” he says. Then after a couple of seconds of silence, he adds, “You’d prefer that it passes like any other day.”

 

“I thought, I,” she doesn't know what to say.

 

“That I forgot. I didn’t. I haven’t. I let it go because there are so many other things you're remembering and I, I guess it was just easier.” He’s touching on things she has no desire to look at right now.

 

“It is. Easier. For now.” Beth says quietly. “But thank you, daddy.” She’s out of there as fast as she can but obviously not fast enough because she hears him.

 

“It shouldn’t be.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The little library in town is one of her favorite places. If only because of the memories it holds. It’s a building full of stories and so many of her own stories are here too. 

 

Memories are stories. That’s what her mama used to tell her. She kept a journal and it was her story. And Beth, always wanting to do whatever her mama did, started keeping a journal too. In the beginning, it was mainly pictures but as she got older it started to fill up with words and it became a place to go when things were too hard to handle.

 

She’s got her most recent journal tucked in her backpack as she leaves the library where she met Mr. Monroe and even though he said she didn’t need it she brought in a resume. They chatted for a few minutes and Mr. Monroe admitted there was very little interest shown in the job posting and maybe that’s because she was meant to have it. She’s beginning to believe that nothing is a coincidence.

 

He offers her the position and she accepts. 

 

Beginning next week she’s to come in three mornings a week to read a book and do an activity with the children. She’s excited, but she’s nervous. It's a small town after all and people talk.

 

Let them talk. She’s not going to keep hiding. Her world will only be as big as she lets it. Pulling her phone out she reads Daryl’s text again. It makes her feel things, silly things like butterflies and sunlight and she thinks about the fact that this could go somewhere, all of this could go somewhere she’s never been.

 

Her daddy’s birthday wishes did something to her too. They gave her hope for the future that’s supposed to be hers. And that, like Daryl’s text makes her smile.

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

Walmart is exactly what Daryl expected it to be. Which is reassuring in a way. So many things are happening now that he never expected, this small bit of normality is a strange comfort.

 

He’d broke away from Carol and the kids long enough to grab a shower curtain, bath towels and a few dishes and utensils. There’s a bed in the apartment and it has bedding on it already. And the refrigerator he’d bought when he’d first started staying there is still there. He’ll get everything else he needs eventually. He’s got a bed and the means for making and keeping food. That’s all he needs for now.

 

He finds himself standing in a brightly lit aisle with hundreds of greeting cards. Mothers, fathers, birthdays, condolences, graduations. The extent of the choices one has is giving him anxiety. All he needs is one card, a birthday card for Beth. He narrows it down to a section of ‘birthday cards for her’ and his eyes rove over all of the sub-sections. Mother, daughter, sister, niece, until they land on friend, and then even better, special friend.

 

Somewhere in the background he hears his nephew, he’s sure of it and he grabs the first card he sees. Glancing down at it, there’s birds, a whole flock, executed in mid-flight, a murmuration he thinks its called and it’s ironic, but kind of perfect. Tucking it and the envelope between his shower curtain and a box of utensils he heads back into the chaos of shoppers searching for a small boy whose voice stands out above everyone else's.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

After the excitement of choosing a slip n’ slide, in which Daryl’s was the deciding vote, Carol steers her cart and unruly little group down an aisle filled with cake mixes. Daryl has a pretty good idea what’s going on here. Even though he never mentioned anything to Carol, she knows Beth, better than he does. And so she knows it’s her birthday.

 

“I’m gonna let the kids decorate cupcakes and invite Beth over. Celebrate her and Merle and you all at once.” Carol says reaching for a box of chocolate cake mix. Daryl doesn't respond. He just watches and waits.

 

“I don’t know what Beth’s told you about- anything. But I think we’re the only ones-” Pausing Carol sighs. “I’m not going to let her birthday just go by unacknowledged even if her family does.” Carol’s seems a little frustrated as she tosses frosting and sprinkles into the cart.

 

“I know.” Daryl turns a little letting his arm drop so that the card he tucked away is visible. “I don’t know much about any of it, but I know she deserves a birthday,” Daryl says quietly.

 

“Give her time. She’ll tell you her story and maybe you can tell her yours.” Taking a hold of the cart Carol moves down the aisle to stop Beau from climbing the shelves to grab, “Them candles mama, the sparkly ones, I want ‘em for our Beth!”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth stayed in town after stopping in at the library. She picked up some things from the market and even ate lunch at the cafe. She’s avoiding going home. Although she knows eventually she is going to have to.

 

And she will but not just yet. the park is across the street from the cafe and she makes her way over intending to sit and maybe write in her journal. But what she sees, More accurately, who she sees stops her in her tracks.

 

Amy is there. Shawn’s wife. And she has the girls with her. Abbi and Claire are on the swings and Amy is pushing them. They’re smiling, all of them. Beth doesn’t think she’s ever seen Amy smile like that.

 

And although she wants very badly to go over and say hi, hug her nieces, she doesn’t get that. Backing up in the direction, she came she crosses the street and finds her car. Swallowing hard she wills herself not to cry. It’s no use, tears aren’t going to change this.

 

Her phone ringing startles her and swiping at her face she pulls it from her pocket. 

 

“Hey, Carol. Everything okay?”

 

Everything is okay. Merle’s coming home and Carol wants to celebrate and they want her there too. And Daryl, she’ll get to see Daryl. Which may or may not be the best part of it all.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl brought his things up to the apartment. The stairs are only moderately hard to climb but that won’t last. Setting everything down on the kitchen counter he picks up the card. Printed on the inside, ‘Happy Birthday to a Special Someone’ doesn’t feel quite right but it will have to do. Besides he likes the birds.

 

He took a pen from the house but he doesn’t know what to write. Love, Daryl? XOXO whatever that means, he isn’t sure but people write it in cards sometimes. Finally, he decides that ‘Daryl’ works. At the top, he adds, ‘To Beth’. 

 

He’s not going to let the idea of a gift bother him. He doesn’t think she’s the type of girl to care much about that. She’s probably going to love the cupcakes the kids are making a mess of in the kitchen. Speaking of which he told Carol he would keep an eye on things, make sure DJ doesn’t eat all the frosting of which he’s particularly fond of and keep the kitchen in order. Shoving the card in his back pocket he heads back to the house.

  
  


The kids are just about done when Sophia plops a cupcake down in front of him.

 

“I ain’t eatin’ one yet!” he says.

 

“It's not for you to eat! You gotta decorate it. Beth would like it,” she says her hands on her hips. She can be a bossy little thing. 

 

“I ain’t never decorated a cupcake in my life. Don’ know how.” Sighing with exasperation, Sofia hands him and knife and pushes a container of white frosting over near him.

 

“Just frost it. Then you can use the icing tubes to make a picture or something.” 

 

Daryl looks over at Beau who’s watching and waiting. And DJ who is diligently working on his cupcake. Tongue poking out of his mouth because this is serious business. And Daryl realizes it is- serious. For these guys. Making Beth’s birthday a good one matters to them so decorating this cupcake is going to matter to him too. Growling under his breath he picks up the little cake and the knife.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth pulls into the Dixon’s driveway. It feels a little weird to be driving over here. She always comes through the woods, but after Carol’s call, she decided not to go home. She did call her daddy though and tell him what she was doing and that she’d be home later. Even if they infuriate her sometimes, she doesn’t want him to worry unnecessarily.

 

Now she’s here and her stomach is full of butterflies. But she’s saved by a distraction in the shape of a little boy.

 

“Beth is that yer car? I never seen it!” Running up as she gets out he gives the car a once over then looks at the balloon she’s holding in her hands. It’s tied to a plant that she put back twice before she bought it.

 

“How come yer bringing balloons ta yer own party?” he asks and then she’s just confused.

 

“My own party? What’re you-” The front door opens again and Carol’s standing on the porch hands on her hips. “Beau Dixon, you can’t keep your mouth shut can you?” She meets Beth halfway to the house and takes the plant and balloon. Her smile and Beau’s smile and the way they lead her into the house makes her a little nervous.

 

“Happy Birthday!” Merle is stretched out on the couch. Beside the coffee table in front of him, Sophia and DJ are pointing excitedly to a bunch of cupcakes spread out on a plate. And in the background leaning against the wall, Daryl smiles at her.

 

“Oh, you guys! I just-” She’s overwhelmed at how much this means to her. She told Daryl it wasn’t a big deal and it wouldn't have been because she wasn’t expecting this. But this is somehow exactly what she needs.

 

“We’re celebrating Merle and Daryl and you!” Carol says hugging her and kissing her cheek. “And the plant, it’s mine! It’s beautiful!” 

 

“I, I don’t know what to say. Thank you,” Her eyes flit to Daryl and he’s still smiling.

 

“Beth we decorated cupcakes!” Sophia says tugging on her hand and Beth kneels beside the table to look. 

 

“But first I have spaghetti, Merle’s request. Come on kids get a plate. No cupcakes until after you eat.” They follow behind Carol into the kitchen grumbling about having to wait. Beth sits down on the edge of the couch beside Merle.

 

“I bet you’re glad to be home!” She says and his smile warms her heart, she notices then the resemblance between him and Daryl. It’s subtle but it’s there.

 

“I am, jus’ tired. Can’t wait to eat some home cooked food and one a them cupcakes!” Sophia brings a plate and sits down beside him.

 

“Mom says to help you. Do I have to feed you?” Giggling she balances Merle’s plate on one knee and hers on the other.

 

“Gimme that plate! I can feed myself!” he growls making Sophia giggle even harder.

 

“Come on and make a plate Beth.” He’s standing right in front of her and she’s having trouble breathing and the world continues to go on. She stands and follows him as Carol and the boys join Sophia and Merle. 

 

The spaghetti smells amazing and she watches Daryl as he makes his plate.

 

“What?” he asks when he notices she’s just staring at him.

 

“You did this? You,” She’s not making any sense but he gets it. He’s shaking his head.

 

“Nope. I was gonna, but Carol- she already had plans.” Daryl says not looking at her. He was going to make sure she had this and he kind of did, in a way.

 

“They’re good to me,” Beth says softly. They are. They’re good people.

 

“Yer good ta them.” Of course, he’s gonna say that. But it isn’t that. Not at all.

 

“No. They’re good to me. There’s so much- I don’t know where I would be if they hadn’t of bought this place, moved in here and-” If she says anymore she’s going to end up crying. Grabbing a plate she piles it high with spaghetti and reaches for the bread. Looking over at him she laughs. Now it’s her turn to ask.

 

“What?”

 

“You gonna eat all that?”

 

“Yep and a cupcake!” This feels good. This easy conversation. All that she isn’t saying is still there and she thinks that maybe Daryl needs to know. It won’t change things. It can’t. He sets his plate down and reaches around behind him. Holding out an envelope towards her she sees the flush on his cheeks.

 

“I, ah, I got ya this. It got a little bent in my pocket, I..” He’s trying to smooth out the wrinkles and Beth takes it gently from him. He’s looking at her expectantly so she opens it. It’s a simple illustration on the front. But.

 

“It’s a murmuration,” she breathes. This is real magic. Something she’s loved forever. The way these small, insignificant birds communicate and fly together making pictures in the sky.

 

“Yeah, that’s it. I was tryin’ ta remember…” When she looks up at him he’s right there, close enough that she wouldn’t even have to reach to touch him. And the expression he’s wearing, she can’t quite read it but his eyes are so blue, that intense blue that is nothing like the sky and so much like a storm. She doesn’t mean for it to happen, but her eyes drop to his mouth, to his lips that might be soft against hers and it’s just like a movie. It’s him that reaches out and lets the back of his fingers brush her cheek.

 

“Thank you, Daryl,” she whispers and she’s absolutely sure he was leaning in but…

 

“I’ll grab you one, just stay- Oh! I’m sorry, I needed- bread, Merle needed bread.” Carol is blushing and Beth knows she has to be too because the temperature in the room feels like it’s risen 10 degrees.

 

“S alright,” Daryl mumbles taking his plate and with a quick glance at her, he heads into the living room. Once he’s gone Beth takes a deep breath and picks up her own plate.

 

“I am so sorry Beth, I didn’t know I was walking into something.” Carol’s got the basket of bread in her hands and she’s smiling at Beth.

 

“It’s okay, really it wasn’t, it wasn’t anything.” 

 

But it was almost something. And she doesn’t know if she wants to do a little happy dance or sink to the floor and cry.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So I wouldn’t exactly call this a cliffhanger, but I did leave you hanging and that’s why I apologized in the beginning. We are getting closer to something! We know what Beth was thinking, but what about Daryl? Next week I promise you will find out and a bunch of other stuff will happen too... thank you for reading!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Let me start by saying thank you for supporting this story and for all of your kind words, it means so much! This chapter is heavy in ways I am not sure how to put into words. It’s been my headspace this week and it’s come out here in my writing. I hope you enjoy!**

  
  


He watches her eat, balancing his plate on his knees trying his best not to spill it everywhere. He sits there, like an idiot and just watches her eat. She’s smiling and once or twice she’s glanced in his direction and he’s tried to pretend he’s involved in the conversation, paying attention to whatever bullshit Merle’s going on about. 

 

But he isn’t. He’s watching her and wishing Carol had never walked into the kitchen and he’s wondering what it’ll be like to kiss Beth. 

 

Because he is gonna kiss her. There’s so much he isn’t sure of. But he’s sure of this. She makes him kind of nervous and she’s young and that’s just a fact. It’s unimportant as long as he lets it be.

 

“Uncle Daryl, hello?” Sophia’s standing in front of him hands on her hips again and giving him a look, not unlike the ones he’s seen her mama give her.

 

“Whada ya want?”

 

“I asked if I could take your plate, we wanna do the cupcakes now!” He shoves his plate in her direction and she giggles and grabs it and runs off to the kitchen. 

 

“Look Beth we decorated them! Mine are the crazy ones with all the sprinkles. DJ, he drew the best pictures, see… Sophia, she wrote your name and Uncle Daryl made this, uh, this mustache.” Beau explains.

 

“Ain’t a mustache!” Daryl says leaning over Beau’s shoulder. Beth picks up the cupcake he decorated and peers down at it.

 

“It’s nice, um, what is it?” The way she’s looking up at him, with her big blue eyes it's all he can do not to get up and run. Grab her hand and run-off where they’re alone again and he can kiss her like he wanted to. Like he wants to.

 

“Well, ‘s a bird. Can’ ya tell?”

 

“Oh wait! I see it has wings.” There’s a twinkle in her eye and this whole thing about birds and wings, it’s kinda their thing now. And he likes that they have a thing, he likes it a lot.

 

Beau looks up from where he’s trying to sneak a finger full of frosting,

 

“Y’all know birds got wings right? Y’all’s jus’ kiddin’ around right?

 

Cupcakes and candles. Beth hadn’t been at all offended that there were only 12 candles and not 21. They sang, loudly and off-key. Her blue eyes lit up in the candlelight as she sat on her knees and leaned over the table to blow them out. 

 

The kids bicker over which cupcake they’re going to eat and Daryl notices that Beth has his, the bird.

 

She takes a bite and holds it out for him. He must have been staring at her. And she caught him.

 

“Nah, I’m good.” His stomach is doing all manner of things and that sweet frosting isn’t going to help. But.

 

“But it’s my birthday Daryl. And it’s a bird.” That fucking smile.

 

“ ‘S got wings!” Beau says and there’s white frosting on his nose and with his missing tooth, he looks ridiculous. Daryl can’t say no.

 

There’s laughter. The kind that makes things lighter. The kind that lifts hearts and eases the loads that people carry unnecessarily.

 

But it doesn’t take a genius to see that underneath her smiles there’s still that sadness. And it’s tearing him up that he can’t figure out why.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

After eating they all end up in the backyard looking at the slip n’ slide. The kids are figuring out where they’ll put it in the morning when Merle calls it a night. It isn’t really all that late, the suns just setting but Daryl can see that Merle’s tired. The surgery's taken a lot out of his brother. He never even asked Daryl anymore about Beth, didn’t say a single thing about it.

 

“I’m goin’ ta bed in my own bed. Feelin’ kinda rough.” Beth moves to hug him gently and he wishes her a happy birthday and gives Daryl a small nod. He heads in the house followed by the kids who need just a few more minutes with their daddy. 

 

Daryl has had these little moments all afternoon watching Merle with the kids. And he feels so much pride in who Merle has become. It’s an odd feeling that he understands but doesn't feel comfortable with at the same time. He guesses he’s learning just like Beth said.

 

Merle’s is a damn good father, he’s everything their daddy wasn’t.

 

Carol’s hugging Beth and he hears her thanking Carol for everything. Everything that wasn’t all that much but still Beth is thanking her. 

 

“I’m gonna go put my family to bed. Where are you sleeping?” Carol asks him. She’s asking but he figures she already noticed he’s been moving things from the house to his apartment.

 

“I uh, I got stuff set up so I’m gonna try out my place.” He doesn’t have to feel guilty about this. He’s not running away. Carol’s smile confirms what he was thinking.

 

“Okay, good night you two.” Waving she disappears into the house and Beth and Daryl are alone.

 

Something’s caught her eye and she walks away from him out towards where the trees start to get denser. There are swings out there. He follows her hands in his pockets, hoping for a breeze.

 

“I think this has been here forever.” She settles on a swing, her feet touching the ground. “When I was little a family lived here. We used to come over sometimes but the kids were older than us so it was only a few times. I always came out here.”

 

The swings are old. The metal bars are weathered and Daryl remembers stuff like this on the playground at school. He isn’t sure what to say. Maybe saying nothing is okay. She isn't really swinging, just kind of moving herself back and forth with her feet.

 

“This was nice. Tonight,’ she says softly.

 

“Yeah? Then why ya seem so sad?” 

 

“Do I?” The swing isn’t moving anymore. “I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I saw my nieces today.” 

 

“Ya got nieces?” This is something he didn't know. There's a lot he doesn't know. About her. And it seems the same goes for her, she doesn't know much about him. But he has a feeling she’s just as perceptive as he is.

 

“Oh, I, I guess you didn’t know that. I don’t see them much.”

 

“Well, then seein’ em was a good thing.”

 

“Well I saw them but they didn’t see me. My brother’s wife, she doesn't spend much time at the farm or around us so..” she seems uncomfortable and he doesn't want her to be. He doesn't say anything, it’s not his place to comment on something he knows absolutely nothing about.

 

But he can be upset that it makes her sad. Even if he really has no cause to be. Except that he does because she’s his friend. And he cares.

 

He cares a lot and that’s incredibly frightening.

 

“That’s tough huh?” Is all he offers. Because for now, it’s all he has.

 

“Yeah.” She too has little to say he supposes. 

 

Maybe he should give her an out now- let her go home. Even though he’d stand here all night just to exist in her presence watching the fading light, the way it makes subtle changes in her, in the sky, in the trees, in everything around them as the sun finally turns twilight to night.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Sighing, Beth stands up. It’s getting dark and this whole evening has been so heavy. It’s been about her, too much about her, but it’s sweet that they did this. The kids and the cupcakes. The smiles and Merle being home. It’s all good. But it’s too much. They aren’t hers and she’s holding on too tight.

 

She’s holding on too tight and she cares too much.

 

She doesn’t get to have this. Her family isn’t here. They didn’t plan a party and yes that’s mainly on her, just like her daddy said. But that’s how they work right now. That's how they function, how they get by. They’ve been doing years of getting by and it works. But her daddy told her happy birthday. 

 

Being here makes her hope and that scares her. And maybe that’s where her sadness is coming from. The sadness that Daryl saw.

 

And Daryl, he’s unexpected. No matter what she might believe she’s undeserving of, he’s pushed his way past that because she hasn’t yet let herself imagine that this, them, isn’t going somewhere. That she doesn’t want it to go somewhere.

 

He’s making her feel things, so many things. What would she have if she let that go? 

 

It’s hard and it’s scary to feel so much for the first time in so long. It’s wearisome, even the things that take her breath away, like the weight of his gaze when it rests on her. And the fact that universe conspired to put them both here together in this particular moment.

 

Stars are strewn across the violet night sky and fireflies are winking in the shadows of the trees. There’s an ache inside of her that hurts and feels absolutely amazing at the same time. It’s being here with him.

 

She could go home and leave the weight of it behind for now, but why? Why should she walk away now when he’s watching her and she can see the way his hair is pressed against his cheek with the humidity that night has yet to chase away. His hands are hanging at his sides, fingers moving, brushing against his jeans and if she were to reach out and slip her hand in his she knows without a doubt he’d hold on. 

 

She’s terrified but if she smiles, oh if she smiles…

 

He’ll smile back.. a small crooked smile.

 

**xxxxXxxx**

 

Daryl’s made up his mind and before he can even think about what he’s going to say he’s saying it.

 

“Wanna come up? See my place?” He should have thought about it a little because it sounds kind of like something else. Not just an innocent question. But it is innocent. It’s just what he said. He wants her to see his apartment and he wants to see it through her eyes.

 

She’s smiling though and that’s encouraging.

 

“Yeah, I’d like that Daryl.” He’s blaming the sweat he feels rolling down his back on the lingering heat and not his nerves and he’s trying to remember if he filled up the ice trays in his freezer so he can offer her some ice water.

 

“Alright.” Heading away from the swings and the trees to where the shop sits back behind the house he glances over, makes sure to pace himself so she can keep up. And she is, she’s right beside him. Close enough that he could reach out and take her hand. But they aren’t there yet. At least he doesn’t think so. He’s been wrong about a lot. As much as he’d like to hold her hand. He won’t. Not yet.

 

“It’s up here,” he waits to let her go in front of him and cringes because obviously, she knows the apartment is over the shop. 

 

The staircase is one he and Merle found. A reclaimed iron staircase from an old warehouse. Her hand on the railing as she climbs the steps is small and pale and he’s already seeing things in a whole different light with her here.

 

Once they get to the top he reaches around her and opens the door but before he does he leans in enough that he’s brushing up against her and it’s hot outside and humid but she shivers and he feels it and it’s like a jolt to his core, it’s like the feeling you get when you hear a song that just reaches inside you and makes you tingle all over. 

 

This girl has got him. 

 

Stepping inside and closing the door behind them he watches as she looks around. The space has an industrial feel to it. He wanted clean lines and at the time he wanted to try out some construction techniques he was interested in. He still likes it. Aged hardwood floors, concrete countertops, stainless steel appliances. There are a table and chairs and a futon. But other than that it’s just kind of empty right now. 

 

But with her here it doesn’t feel so empty.

 

“Oh, wow…” What does that mean? Does she hate it? His anxiety is skyrocketing. Shoving his hands in his pockets he looks over at her.

 

“Ain’t  much but-”

 

“No, it’s not that. I just, I guess I expected something different. But I don’t really know what. I don’t know you, I mean-” He knows what she means. It’s like earlier when she talked about her nieces that he didn’t even know she had. They don’t know each other.

 

That’s kind of exciting. And kind of scary. That they have to get to know one another.

 

“What’d ya expect?” he’s not sure he wants to know but he asks anyway.

 

“Well, I guess just white walls and brown carpet?” Nervous laughter accompanies the question.

 

“That wha’ you think a me?” he’s teasing but she’s blushing and she’s shaking her head.

 

“No, Daryl.. it wasn’t meant to be-” Well fuck he doesn't want her feeling bad.

 

“ ‘M just teasin’ ya.” She smiles and it’s brilliant, like the sun and she probably doesn’t have any idea.

 

“Oh.. I like it. You just need to fill it up with you. Like your stuff, you know?” She’s made her way to the little nook that serves as his bedroom. “This, I can see you here.” He comes up behind her and sees what she sees. His crossbow is hanging on the hook he put there before. And his vest is laying on the bed. It’s a big bed with a dark blue comforter and big pillows. He wanted a bed so he bought one. And she’s looking at it. His bed. 

 

He only feels a little guilty for imagining her in it. Her blonde hair spread out on the blue cloth in stark contrast with the comforter. The sheets underneath it are a soft gray. He remembers because he picked them out. There’s a bedside table and on it is a framed picture. Beth sees it and picks it up sitting down on the bed. 

 

It’s Daryl and all three kids. Beau and DJ are sitting in his lap and Sophia is beside him, her head laying against his arm. Beth runs a finger over the glass.

 

“The boys are just babies!” And then a little softer she asks, “Daryl, why do you look so upset?” He doesn't have to look at the picture to know. He hates that picture and he never knew why Carol took it or even why she framed it. It was taken right after DJ’s accident. His face is bandaged and he doesn’t look much happier than Daryl. After the surgery he wanted nothing to do with anyone but his mama and Carol had insisted they take this picture even though DJ had whined and fussed at being sat on his uncle’s lap. It was probably the first time he held the little boy after everything had happened.

 

“Don’t like havin’ my picture taken.” He can’t tell her the real reason. That he didn’t want to touch DJ, that looking at him hurt too much. He’d sound like a complete dick if he confessed that. Sitting beside her he takes the picture.

 

“I left right around the time this was taken.” He had. Right before DJ was scheduled to have a second surgery. There was no way Daryl could stay and live through that. As far as he was concerned his nephew shouldn’t even have had to endure all that. If he’d just been paying attention.

 

“Why’d you leave?” It’s an innocent question but another one he can’t answer. At least not yet. He figures eventually he’s going to have to tell her something. Especially if she’s going to be part of his life. And he wants her too, more than he thinks he’s ever wanted anything.

 

“Jus’ thought I needed to get off on my own.” The way he says it, even he can hear the finality in his voice. He doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn't ask anything else but what she does say floors him.

 

“I’m glad you came back.” It’s quiet and she isn’t even looking at him. Not the real him anyway. She’s focused on the picture again.

 

“Me too.” And he is. It isn’t easy, and it probably won’t ever be. But he’s thinking it’s worth it. Being back here with these people who make up his family and who are the most important people in the world to him, it’s worth it. 

 

And then there’s her. Now she is looking at him. Like she was in the kitchen, her blue eyes full of something he can’t name and Daryl thinks it’s now or never. But they're sitting on his bed. Is that weird? Can he kiss her on his bed? 

 

He’s hesitated too long and now she’s looking down at her hands in her lap. She probably thinks he doesn’t even want to kiss her. 

 

Fuck.

 

“You want a glass of water, ice water, or something?” Pushing himself up off the bed he sets the picture frame back on the table. And heads to the kitchen hoping there’s ice.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Maybe she’s got this all wrong. Maybe he didn’t want to kiss her. Maybe she’s making him uncomfortable. Following him into the kitchen she waits while he fumbles with an ice tray that falls into the sink spilling out the ice cubes. Blowing out a breath of obvious frustration he pulls out another tray and it’s empty. It was never filled up.

 

“Daryl, it’s okay. I don’t need ice.” She reaches out and lays a hand on his forearm which stills him. He looks at her hand and then raises his eyes to hers.

 

“Beth…” And then it’s like whatever started between them in Carol’s kitchen earlier breaks wide open. He cups her cheek and leans in and she’s pushing herself up on her toes to meet him halfway. His lips brush against hers softly, hesitantly, like he knows what he wants but he’s unsure. And he’s waiting. For her. 

 

Sliding a hand up around his neck she pulls him down giving him permission if that’s what he needs. And he cups her other cheek, tilts her head the tiniest bit and then he’s kissing her like his life depends on it. 

 

His lips are soft like she knew they would be. And they open against hers. Running the tip of her tongue along his bottom lip she delights in the small moan this elicits. It rumbles in his chest against her and every nerve in her body that started spinning the minute he first kissed her reacts. He tastes like something wild, like the forest and the trees, like something that might run if spooked. There’s a hint of nicotine and spaghetti and if she wasn’t so busy kissing him she’d laugh at the absurdity of picking out the individual flavors that are Daryl. 

 

Winding her other arm around his neck, she sighs into his mouth as he lets one hand fall to her hip bringing them closer together, curling around her lower back. She’s never been kissed like this before, never been held like this...  And she’s never felt like this. Like it wasn’t right until it was him.

 

If she keeps on with her theory of the universe then she was waiting for him too.

 

“Daryl….” Pushing back just a little bit, making a space between them so she can breathe she leans into him not wanting the physical contact to end with the kiss. In fact, if he could just not let go… Safe, settled, but oh so alive. That’s how it feels here.

 

And that ache that she thought was gone forever. It’s there burning a soft heat in her belly, making her warm in places that are waking up.

 

“I wanted ta…”

 

“Me too.”

 

“So ‘s okay?” It’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s perfect as much as a thing like this can be. 

 

He’s waiting for some kind of response so she nods, maybe a bit too enthusiastically which her soft laughter is a testament to.

 

“It’s okay.” They stand there in his kitchen, her head against his chest, his arms around her for what feels like forever and only a second before she pushes back again and looks up at him. Reaching up she runs a finger along his bottom lip, following the path her tongue took just minutes ago.

 

He’s unexpected. And she’s spent so long living in her self-created half-life his existence is like a fairy tale. She learned a long time ago that fairy tales don’t come true.

 

Never.

 

Maybe she got wrong? Maybe. 

 

“I should go, let you get settled.” It hurts, really physically hurts to step away from him. But it’s also okay if she can just stop listening to the voices in the back of her head, the ones that keep her feet firmly planted on the ground.

 

It’s okay because he’ll still be here tomorrow and the day after that and those voices have been fading anyway and eventually she’s going to stop listening to them once and for all.

 

“Alright,” he mumbles and if she knew him better maybe she'd be able to read the expression on his face. Right now what she sees reminds her of Beau and DJ when they’re pouting because something didn’t go their way. Aren’t grown men sometimes just little boys in big bodies?

 

She can relate to that. The little girl in her reaches out and takes the hand of the little boy in him and they walk back out into the humid summer night.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s possible that kissing her is the single greatest experience in his life. It’s also possible kissing her is going to kill him metaphorically speaking.

 

It was perfect. At least he thinks it was. How it felt, how she felt, how she made him feel… All those things that are taken into consideration when you kiss someone you want to kiss.

 

He’s never kissed anyone quite like that. And it’s possible the definition of a kiss has changed completely now that he’s kissed Beth.

 

Daryl never really thought about what defines a kiss anyway. A kiss was just the thing you did before you did the rest. All that other bullshit was meant for a damn romance novel. Not real life. Not his life.

 

But it’s real and it’s his life and now she wants to leave and he’s walking with her and holding her hand and he wants to pull her back up the stairs with him and…

 

And what? Because there are a whole lot of options and not all of them are, ‘appropriate’. That’s the first word that comes to mind.

 

But there  _ are _ a whole lot of options and they have time. They literally have time and her going home isn’t necessarily a bad thing. She just wants to and he’s okay with that for the most part. Because there’s tomorrow, lots of tomorrows with Beth. 

 

Even if right now he feels kind of sad.

 

Sad because of a girl. This is not a world he understands but he’s going to jump. 

 

Shit.

 

She opens her car door before he even realizes it and he feels like a schmuck because he could've done it, should’ve. She isn’t getting in though. She’s standing there in the little space between the door and the car and she’s got a smile on her face. And her lips, he might just be conjuring up images, but they still look pinker than usual and a little swollen, cause he kissed her. 

 

“Um, wanna text me when you get home?”

 

“Daryl I live right next door.” She's amused, he sees it. And he likes it.

 

“Yeah, I know.” He leans in and presses a kiss to her forehead because if he does what he wants to they might be out here all night and anyone could come out the front door and find them doing more than holding hands.

 

Taking a step back he watches as she gets into the car and closes the door. She does roll down the window and she does wave as she drives away. And that makes him incredibly happy.

 

He fights the urge not to chase her damn car and instead turns and heads back to his apartment taking a detour before the stairs and making his way back out to the swings.

 

Feeling kind of like an idiot but sort of not he sits on the seat and pushes with his feet, just a little, not really swinging at all. Like she did. It’s kind of nice, starting slow. But he wants to push hard and soar like he did when he was a kid and it was okay to swing, to pretend he was flying.

 

Beth. She likes birds and the moon and swings. They’re starting slow. That’s what they’re doing. He can’t push. They’ll get there. Eventually.

 

He gets her text on his way up the stairs.

 

_ ‘I made it...’ _

 

He pauses for a minute wondering how to respond and if he should. 

 

_ ‘Ok’ _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **And they finally kissed…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this is the chapter where the rating and tags and all that stuff really starts to count. If you were paying attention and I hope you were… and since I can’t tag everything just a heads up for mentions of suicide and a brief mention of semi nonconsensual sex. Thank you for reading!! I can’t even say it enough… I appreciate everyone!**

 

Nothing in the world has really changed. The sun still shines, the grass is still green, the breeze and the birds continue to do the things they do. 

 

But everything is different. At least that’s how she feels.

 

No one was around last night when Beth got home. No one to ask uncomfortable questions or say things she didn't want to hear. She wondered, but not for long, where they were but then she showered and got into bed.

 

She had it with her, everything that had happened, the whole incredible night and even though there was an underlying sadness because she had had this very quick vision of her own family there with her and the Dixons, it had been fleeting and she’d let it go and enjoyed the people who were there.

 

And Daryl. They’d kissed, Finally. He didn’t just kiss her, she kissed him too and he made her feel things and want things she hadn’t for such a long time. Things she’d given up feeling. There alone in her bed, her hand sliding over the curve of her hip she can think about him and think about what his mouth felt like, what it tasted like, she can let her hand touch the places that he set to aching. 

 

Her fingers were trembling. It hadn’t taken long. She’d bit down hard on her lip to keep quiet. Just in case. 

 

Falling asleep she realizes that Daryl is giving her back so many things she’d lost and he doesn’t even realize it.

  
  


When she woke up this morning she knew that Maggie and her daddy were back from wherever they had been. The house always feels different when she isn’t alone in it. They weren’t up though when she started on the morning chores so it’s just her and the chickens and horses and the memory of Daryl’s kiss.

 

Cause she can’t stop thinking about it. 

 

She’s taking her time with the chores, dragging it out because the repetitive motions make it easy for her to stay lost in her head and imagine what else she and Daryl might do- eventually. How it can be him doing the touching. Her face heats up even though it’s just her and the hens in the chicken coop. She’s not a child and definitely not a prude but thinking about it, about him and what she wants makes her blush.

 

She’s not a virgin either. But that was a loss of a different kind and she doesn’t ache because of it. She regrets it, for sure. But only because it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. 

 

Sometimes you have to do a thing more than once to get it right.

 

Back at the house, she finds Maggie and her daddy in the kitchen eating breakfast. Her daddy has a smile for her and its bright in the way that it always is and also in a way that says he’s trying, he’s trying so hard to be there. They’re both dressed in what has been over the years to be known as their “clinic clothes’.

 

“Morning Beth,” he says. Instead of just heading up to her room she sits with them. They talk about the call they took last night and how Maggie had to assist with a calf birth even though when they were little anytime there was a birth on the farm and Maggie was there watching she’d throw up.

 

“You’d be proud of me Beth, I didn’t even puke!”

 

Beth tells them about the job at the library and the happiness is genuine. And for a little while, everything is good. But it seems like a step forward always ends up being two steps back with her and Maggie. The interaction started out civilly until it wasn’t. 

 

Maggie jumps up and pulls a plastic container from the fridge.

 

“We brought these home last night, but you were already in bed,” her sister says setting the container on the counter in front of her. In it are four rainbow-colored cupcakes. Beth is at a loss for what to say or even how to feel. Feeling anything seems wrong because she’s avoided this celebration for three years and her family has always respected it. But maybe they could have pushed too. Like now. Like this.

 

“Your sister was adamant that we got those.” Hershel chuckles. 

 

“I hope it’s okay?” Maggie asks smiling at Beth.

 

“It’s okay. Carol and the kids surprised me with cupcakes last night too…” Maggie's face changes then, the smile fading away into something else. Beth knows her sister and for a fleeting second, there was hurt in her green eyes.

 

“Oh." It’s curt as if she’s taken offense to an innocuous remark. Which it was.

 

“I didn’t ask them to, didn’t even expect it. They just did it.” They did it because they’re her friends. Because they care about her. Does it really matter?

 

“Well.” Maggie has this way of saying so much with very few words. She rests her hands on the plastic container. And Beth, being Beth, tries to fix it.

 

“We can have them tonight.”

 

“That’s a good idea.” Hershel agrees.

 

“You sure you don’t have plans somewhere else tonight?” Maggie’s remark is cutting which Beth is sure it’s meant to be. And she just stands there as her sister takes the cupcakes and puts them back in the fridge.

 

“No, unfortunately, I’m stuck here. I’ve always been stuck here.” She’s more than a little surprised that she said this. She’s thinking it. She’s always thinking it. But she said it out loud and her daddy is sitting right here and she wishes he wasn’t because this isn’t about him, not completely. 

 

It’s really about her and Maggie and all the ways they’ve failed each other.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s in the shop. He came out here early and opened everything up so he could get reacquainted. Merle already has a job lined up for them, well for Daryl anyway. He has a few more weeks of healing. Daryl should probably take it easy too, but he won’t. A few minor automobile repairs aren’t going to hurt anything. He’ll stop if it’s too much. He made that promise to Carol. But he can’t just sit around doing nothing.

 

Two pickup trucks roll in around 9 am. Abraham’s Custom Construction. It’s a small locally owned company that Merle had out to do repairs on his roof last winter. And as is the way of small towns, Abe is returning the favor. That and he and Merle became friends.

 

“He’s a good guy. Took care of me when I needed it.” Merle had said.

 

A large red-haired man with a prominent mustache gets out of one of the trucks and approaches Daryl.

 

“Hey there, I’m Abraham. You must be Daryl?” Daryl nods and shakes the man’s hand. “Merle said…”

 

“Hey, Abe!” Merle calls from the back door or the house as he makes his way out.

 

They go over the things Abe wants done and it’s simple stuff that Daryl has done before. He’ll have no problem getting the job done. While they’re standing outside the shop Abe takes a look at the iron staircase that leads up to Daryl’s place.

 

“Musta paid a pretty penny for this huh?” he asks.

 

“Ah hell no! Daryl found it in a junkyard and brought back here. He drew up some plans and I welded it back the way he wanted it. ‘S his place up there.” Merle says waving towards the apartment.

 

“You designed it?” Abe asks looking at Daryl which makes Daryl uncomfortable. But he nods.

 

“Designed the whole fuckin’ place.” There’s a hint of pride in his brother’s voice and it gives Daryl a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. And then Merle takes it a step further and invites Abe up to see the place.

 

Darl follows along behind. What else can he do? Merle’s lucky he’s recovering from surgery cause right about now Daryl wants to kick his ass.

 

By the time Abe heads out in the other truck he’s offered Daryl part-time work because he’s never seen such precision craftsmanship from a guy with absolutely no schooling whatsoever.

 

“You got some raw fucking talent man! Don’t waste it tinkering with a bunch a cars!” He’d laughed and slapped Daryl on the back and then Merle and then headed out

 

“Guys a complete asshole, but he’s right Daryl. You help out til I get on my feet and then go show that dick up! You got a future in there somewhere.” Merle says.

 

“Thought ya liked him?” Merle’d said Abe was a good guy.

 

“Hell I do, but then I gotta lotta assholes I call friends!” 

 

Later that evening when he’s alone in his apartment he thinks about it, how it felt to have someone look at the things he’d done and appreciate it and think it was worth something. Underneath the discomfort of being put in the spotlight, Daryl is proud of what he’s done. It’s just not that big of a deal to him.

 

He isn’t used to this, but then again he’s getting used to a lot of things he never in a million years thought would be a part of his life.

 

Like a beautiful blonde girl. Who he kissed and hasn’t stopped thinking about since he kissed her. Actually, he’s been thinking a lot about her since he first met her. It’s just different now. He knows what it feels like to hold her and kiss her and he’d be a damn liar if he couldn’t admit he wants more of that. 

 

He’s also been thinking about her in a specific way that’s got him walking around like an oversexed teenager. And it’s uncomfortable. 

 

His mind is all over the place, one minute he’s got her here in his bed or on the kitchen counter and they're doing all the things he’s been thinking about and the next he’s feeling like a dirtbag for thinking about her naked while he’s got his hand wrapped around his cock. 

 

But it feels so good and it’s just her. No one has ever made him feel like this. 

 

She makes him happy, she makes him laugh. That future Merle seems to think he has, he wants Beth to be a part of it.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Shawn comes out on Wednesday evening and he follows Beth around the barn where she’s been all afternoon cleaning Nellie’s saddle and bridle and avoiding Maggie. He makes what their mama would call ‘polite conversation’ until Beth calls him on it and he heads back up to the house. Leaving her saddle cleaning long enough to follow silently behind him, she eavesdrops on the conversation.

 

They’re in the parlor and the windows are wide open and they seem to forget that she’s here.

 

“What’s the matter with her? She seems kind of down. You been keeping an eye on her Maggie?” Keeping an eye on her? Of course, because she might break again. She might mess everything up.

 

“Don’t put this on me, Shawn! She's always running off, I can’t keep tabs on her!”

 

“And you shouldn’t be.” That from Hershel.

 

“I just want to know where she goes daddy. You think she’s really at the Dixon’s all the-” 

 

When she finally can’t stand it anymore Beth runs back to the barn. She should’ve gone into the house and confronted them all, but it’s easier just to walk away. Saddling up Nellie she pulls herself onto the horse the smell of polish wafting around her. Flicking the reins and touching a heel to the horse's side they head out of the barn towards the woods.

 

It will be dark soon and her daddy will go to bed. Shawn will go home to his family and Maggie will either go into her room or to her boyfriend's house. Beth will take Nellie back to the barn and climb up into the loft if the lights in the house are still on and stay there or make her way quietly to her room.

 

This is familiar territory. She knows how to navigate its terrain, but it’s getting old and she’s getting tired of it.

 

For just a second she wonders what Daryl would think if she just showed up at his apartment. Of course, she isn’t going to but if she did what would he say?

  
  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By Friday night the summer storm that’s been threatening to cut loose all afternoon finally arrives. Lightning flashes across the sky and the rain on the window sounds louder than it should. And it’s cold. Not a typical Georgia summer storm.

 

Daryl came over about an hour ago when Carol finally convinced Merle that a trip to the E.R. was happening whether he wanted it to or not. His incision had been giving him trouble, trouble he hadn’t told Carol about because he himself was nervous. He didn’t want to end up back in the hospital, but an infection could mean more than just a hospital stay and her angry tears finally wore him down.

 

Of course, Daryl agreed to stay with the kids who are already in their beds asleep. And he glared at Merle for making Carol cry, but he’s also worried about his brother because this is one thing that is a concern after a transplant. He closes the door behind them and watches the lights of the car as they disappear down the drive.

 

He likes the rain, but storms, especially the loud ones leave him a little on edge.  They always have ever since he was a little boy. The power went out about 15 minutes ago and Carol had been prepared and left him a bunch of candles which he lit and spread throughout the room. He hasn’t decided yet if their light is soothing or just a little too creepy.

 

He’s pacing in front of the living room window when he sees a silver shape dart across the lawn. Before he even gets to the door he hears a soft knock. Opening the door he finds Beth standing there and even though she’s soaked from the storm he can tell she’s been crying. 

 

“Beth? Wha’s goin’ on? You okay?” His first instinct is to reach out to her but she has this look on her face that makes him think if he did that she’d bolt.

 

“I, I came to see Carol.” Water is dripping off of her hair as she looks down at where she’s wringing her hands. 

 

“She took Merle in ta the E.R. Thinks he might have an infection in his incision.” 

 

“Oh no! Have you heard anything? Is he okay?” Of course, she’s concerned. Even though she’s not okay, and he knows without a doubt she isn’t, she’s gonna worry about Merle.

 

“Ain’t heard nothing yet but he’s tough. He’ll be fine. Beth, wha’s wrong? Somethin’ happen?” He can see her trepidation. The thunder and lightning has her jumping at every crack.

 

Wiping her face she looks off towards the woods.

 

“I’ll just, I’ll come back!” Before he can even say another word she takes off across the lawn into the downpour. And it pisses him off. Somethings wrong, she’s running away. Why can’t she just stay here with him? 

 

“Beth!” The rain is cold and it surprises him, takes him off guard and he yells her name again. His voice must’ve conveyed the fact that he’s angry and scared because she stops suddenly. He doesn’t though. He keeps going until he’s almost right beside her and even in the rain he can see her shoulders shaking. Two more steps and he’s close enough to touch her and this time he doesn’t hesitate. He puts a hand on her shoulder and turns her around to face him.

 

“Ya ain’t runnin’ off-” His words and his breath are cut off as she hurls herself at him. She lays her head on his chest and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her in close and whispering into her hair, not necessarily words just sounds, soothing sounds as he leads her back to the house.

 

Once they’re back inside they stand dripping on the tile just inside the front door. He takes her arm and leads her down the hall to the bathroom.

 

“Go on in, take off yer wet clothes and wrap up in a towel. An’ wait. Okay? Jus’ wait here.” She’s nodding and without even thinking about it, questioning it, he reaches out and brushes wet strands of hair from her cheek. “Promise me ya ain’t gonna leave Beth.” 

 

“I promise.” Okay. She promised and he heads out the back door to his apartment, getting soaked again but once he’s inside he grabs a plastic grocery bag and heads into his room. Yanking open his closet he gets what he came for, stuffs it in the bag and heads back to the house.

 

Light coming through the crack in the bathroom door leaves a thin stripe on the floor. He taps gently on the door and says her name.

 

“Beth?” Holding his breath, he’s waiting. She’s in there, he can feel her, the weight of her wrapped up in a towel and probably shivering.

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I uh, I got somethin’ dry you can put on.” Pulling sweats and a t-shirt from the bag he pushes them through the door and waits until she takes them.

 

“Thank you, Daryl.” Her voice is so far away behind the door. He wishes he could go in, make sure she’s okay. But he’ll just have to wait.

 

Going back into the living room he strips off his own wet clothing and pulls on another pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She comes out a few minutes later with her wet clothes and a towel in her hands.

 

“Here lemme,” Taking her wet clothes he looks over at her so small in his clothes. He shoves them into the plastic bag he used to bring the dry things in. “I’d throw them in the dryer, but..”

 

“Yeah, no power.” Holding out the towel she says, “I brought this for your hair.” A small smile and no trace of those tears he’s sure were mixed with the rain a few minutes ago.

Taking from her he rubs it over his head when he pulls it off she’s sitting on the couch, legs tucked up underneath her.

 

Letting the damp towel dangle from his hand he moves to the couch and sits closer to her than not. But not exactly next to her.

 

He’d like to sit next to her, put his arm around her and pull her in close. He thinks she might want that. She wanted it out there in the rain. And he kissed her a couple of days ago so why is it so hard now to know what’s okay?

 

Leave it to her to know at least a little something because as he settles back against the couch she scoots closer to him so their arms are touching. He relaxes into her touch.

 

“Wha’ happened Beth?” He glances over at her. She’s got her gaze focused on the window, the glass pane that’s still being pelted by the unrelenting storm. The candlelight flickers and he can see her eyelashes where they brush against the soft skin under her eyes.

 

He thinks maybe he’s pushing too hard and he should just back off, let her be until Carol gets back. Maybe she’s better off talking to her. Refusing to let his own pathetic insecurities get the best of him he decides he isn’t gonna back off. She doesn’t have to talk if she doesn’t want to but he’s going to make sure she knows he’s here to listen if she needs him too. He’ll do whatever she wants him to.

 

“Ya ain’t gotta say nothin’, but if ya wanna…”

 

“I got into a fight with Maggie.”

 

Okay then. She’s talking and he’s listening.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

If Daryl would just kiss her, then she wouldn't have to say anything and she wouldn’t get closer to telling him everything she’s afraid to say.

 

He’ll think she’s crazy. He’ll back off. He won’t want anything to do with her.

 

Maybe she should just kiss him. But she can’t do that. What if he stops her, doesn't want her too? 

 

So instead… she’ll just talk.

 

“I got into a fight with Maggie.” He nods, but that’s all. He really is listening, waiting for her to continue.

 

“We, it’s been hard, for us, I mean since my daddy’s accident…” Everything no matter what she says or where she starts is going to take her right here.

 

Wrapping her fingers around her wrist she squeezes the leather cuff that covers the part of her she’s spent almost 4 years trying to keep hidden. But it’s hard to hide something everyone knows about

 

Except him. Daryl doesn’t know.

 

Now he’s going too.

 

“I lost my mama when I was just a little girl and after that, I don’t know, everything just fell apart."

 

“Losing yer mama, that ain’t easy,” Daryl says gently as if he knows and understands. Beth remembers he lost his mama too. Merle told her about it, losing his mama and this is Daryl’s story too.

 

Nodding and swallowing hard because if she starts crying now right now it's going to make this even more difficult than it already is, she continues.

 

“My daddy loved my mama, he loved her so much and when she, when she was gone a part of him was gone too. Maggie and Shawn, they were just kids and we…” She feels his hand as it slides under hers lacing their fingers together. He’s giving her something to hold onto so she can let it all go.

 

“We were kind of on our own for awhile.” They’d had help from Patricia and Otis, members of their church. But no one can take the place of a parent, which was what they needed. “But your brother and sister aren’t supposed to be your parents too.”

 

How they got through those years is unfathomable. Their daddy was there but not there. He managed to keep the farm going and his business but both, along with his children suffered.

 

“When they graduated from high school Shawn and Maggie went away to college and I was there alone. My daddy, he just never seemed able to move on. It was worse after my brother and sister left. He started drinking again and he’d get so drunk and then he’d get angry and curse my mama, beg her to come back.. like she was just gone to the store or something.”

 

It had been terrifying seeing her daddy like that but a person really can get used to anything. Eventually, this became normal, this was the way things were and she made do.

 

“When he got like this I’d hide in the barn, wait it out. And then for a little while, he’d be more like himself.”

 

“He didn’, he never laid his hands on ya… Sorry, I jus’..” But she knows because Merle told her this too. How his daddy was. But not her daddy. Not that.

 

“No, he never hit me. It’s crazy but I always felt loved, just not the way I should’ve been.” Being loved and protected, taken care of, she did those things for herself and she wasn’t very good at it.

 

“I tried being the good daughter like I always was. But I got tired of it you know? Of waiting to see what he was gonna do next, I just got so tired.” The storm is still raging outside the window and it doesn’t seem to be letting up. And it’s only fitting, she thinks as she tells him these things, these things she kept secret, until now.

 

“There was a boy,” Beth laughs gently because isn’t there always. “He was a friend, we grew up together. After my mama died I was different. The other kids, they weren’t ever cruel or anything but they didn’t know how to act around me so they kept their distance. Jimmy didn’t. I don’t know if his mama made him be my friend or if he really wanted to. But he was around. Nobody else was, no one to tell me to behave myself or keep my curfew… and I found a way to leave without leaving.” The mysterious parties Maggie snuck off too and would come home from with hay in her hair smelling like daddy’s liquor cabinet opened up a whole new world Beth. 

 

She found out why her daddy drank and Maggie ran off with any boy who looked her way. She knew what it was that made Shawn go out looking for fights and daring anyone to say a word about his black eye.

 

And she wished she could always feel like she felt then.

 

“I thought I found it, a way to cope with everything.” Daryl hasn’t said anything else. She has no idea what he’s thinking. Looking at him is impossible because she isn’t done yet and she’s determined to put it all out there. Everything. No matter what happens.

 

“I kept pushing it, sneaking out, drinking, pretending I was somebody I wasn’t because everybody liked that girl. Jimmy liked that girl. How come when you’re sixteen being drunk is like being in love?” She isn’t really asking him and he stays silent anyway which is probably best.

 

“When I let Jimmy when we… when I gave Jimmy the one thing I wanted to hold on to because someday someone would love me like the sun loved the moon, that’s what my mama told me, but I didn’t, I let…” Being ashamed of herself is even harder than imagining what other people think. Because it’s always there inside of her, a mean little voice whispering,  _ ‘you’re a horrible girl Beth’. _

 

“Turns out doing all of those things didn’t make the awful feelings go away. There was still just this empty place and I felt like I had made it even worse by doing the most horrible, terrible things and if my mama knew… she’d be so disappointed in me. And I was disappointed in myself. I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve said something to someone.” But who? Who would have listened to little Beth Greene whine about her life?

 

“Ain’t always easy to be strong. Sometimes being brave jus’ means living another day.” He’s speaking quietly and what he says, he’s being nice. But he doesn't know what it was like. 

 

“That summer, I turned 17 and Maggie and Shawn came home. It was supposed to be good and I don't know if it was having them back and still just feeling stuck. They seemed like different people. Everything was holding me down and they seemed so free.”

 

Slipping her hand from Daryl’s she stands up and moves away to the window. It's easier this way. To tell it.

 

“I don’t remember much about that day. It’s just flashes of things,” Twisting the cuff on her wrist, she knows he’s looking, watching and maybe he’s already figured it out. “Jimmy called that day, wanted me to go to a party. I hadn’t gone to any in awhile, I didn’t want to, I didn’t want.. I told him no he and started calling me things, names that were ugly and he kinda hinted that he might let things slip about us and that night.” The tears aren’t for Jimmy, they're about her and how she couldn’t stand to be in her own skin that day. She remembers that, remembers how disgusted she felt.

 

“He promised when it happened, said he wouldn’t tell, said he was sorry if he hurt me. But on the phone, he didn’t sound sorry and I couldn’t even argue with him. Then I was on the floor in my bathroom and the mirror was broken and there was blood and I screamed. I screamed and kept screaming even when Maggie was there with me wrapping my wrist in a towel.” If she looks at him now will he be wearing that same face, the one that everyone who knows her, knows what she did, wears? 

 

“My daddy fell, he was coming up the stairs to me and he fell.” She doesn't have to say anything else. Unless he asks, but it’s pretty easy to figure out what happened next besides the obvious.

 

There’s only one other thing she wants to say. She’s never said it out loud to anyone else.

 

“I was so selfish, just thinking of myself and I ruined everything.” A bone-rattling sigh runs through her like an aftershock and she leans against the window, forehead pressed to the cool glass. From the outside, it must look like she’s got tears running down her whole body. Which oddly enough is fitting.

 

What does not compute, what is completely out of place in this scenario is his voice.

 

“That what you think?” Well yes. Of course, it is. It’s her fault, all of it.

 

“That’s what I know!” Something maybe anger, gives her the courage to face him.

 

There is no pity in his blue eyes. There’s something else though, something that’s wrong, like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit. Admiration.

 

“Wasn’t yer fault. You were a kid Beth. Jus’ a kid and fuck,  you was carrying more than any little girl should be expected too.”

 

“I was stupid, I did things…” He reaches for her hand and she pulls back, wraps her own fingers around her wrist. Holds it tucked against her chest.

 

“Don’t matter.” She can feel her face heating up in frustration even though there’s a part of her that wants to believe the fact that she was a kid is enough.

 

“It does matter, I should’ve done things differently, I should of-”

 

“Still wouldn’ a mattered.” He’s being so adamant and he doesn’t even know, doesn’t have a clue.

 

“You don’t know that!” It’s louder than she meant and it surprises her and him because his eyes widen just a bit as he watches her. Lowering her voice she says it again,

 

“You don’t know that Daryl.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He sat there and listened to her, to all of it, his stomach in knots and his heart aching. He’s only known her for a very short time, but in that time everything has changed and she’s telling him a story that he knows very well. The circumstances are different sure but aren’t these things all one and the same?

 

His mama died, she did it on purpose and she left him behind. She failed him and he carried that with him, the guilt for what she chose. Until one day he realized she didn’t have any choice either. She was stuck and she did the only thing she thought she could. So he decided that he wasn’t gonna feel guilty about that anymore. It was gonna hurt sure, but he was letting it go. He can’t change it. Couldn’t back then either.

 

Merle too, he left Daryl behind in that trailer with their father and he knew where it would go even if he said he didn’t. He knew but what was he gonna do? They were kids. Just kids. He did come back and maybe he didn’t rescue Daryl but he came back.

 

And their daddy. He gets no mercy. He failed his sons, he failed his wife and he failed himself. But he’s gone and it’s Daryl and Merle who carry the guilt and shame that may not even be theirs to carry but they carry it anyway.

 

Daryl knows all these things. Doesn’t make it any easier but he knows them and he’s trying.

 

“Nothin’ made sense. Ya had nowhere ta put the blame so you took it on yerself.” And even though he’s talking to Beth he’s thinking about another time and another place.

 

“What do you mean Daryl?” She’s let her hands drop to her sides and that fire in her eyes is gone. She doesn’t realize how strong she really is. Course she doesn’t. Not yet.

 

“My mama died when I was just a kid. Burnt herself up smoking in bed, prolly drunk too. My daddy was a mean son of a bitch, put his hands on my mama and Merle an me. My mama, she got out. Merle, he left too. And I was stuck there alone. Couldn’t go nowhere, I’s jus a kid. Tried ta stay outta the old man’s way, tried to stay alive, did my fair share a bad things.”

 

“Merle told me about his mama, your mama… He told me,” she says softly and of course, Merle told her because he’s an ornery son of a bitch but he would ‘ve reached out to her, let her know just like Daryl’s trying to that bad things happen.

 

They happen and you just have to let them go.

 

_ ‘Kids fall all the damn time! Ain’t on you, ain’t like that!’ _

 

Well.

 

Suddenly everything is upside down and inside out. The storm, the candles, Beth’s guilt, his own guilt.

 

The things they carry.

 

“Wanna know why I left?” He isn’t sure where he’s going with this, but it’s happening regardless. 

 

“You told me-”

 

“Wasn’ the whole story, weren’t the whole truth. I left when DJ got hurt when he fell. I was there. Right fuckin there and I coulda, if I’da just reached out and grabbed em. ‘Stead he’s got that fuckin’ scar on his face and I shoulda stopped it.” 

 

“It was an accident Daryl, it wasn’t your fault!” No, it wasn’t, but in some ways, it always will be. And she gets it, in that moment her eyes lower to her hands and then rest gently on him again. He may have let go of the past, but DJ and that scar they still have a good hold on him.

 

He looks at her pointedly, but it still hurts- it hurts so fuckin’ bad and he feels like he always feels when something reaches in and threatens to break him more than he already is.

 

This is the part where he runs because he always runs and he figures this would be the part where she hides or does things that make her feel like she’s not Beth. Because being Beth like being Daryl hurts.

 

He didn’t figure on her though. Her and that goddamn beautiful smile.

 

“You came back, Daryl.” 

 

“Yeah, I did. Ya ain’t gone either.” He takes a chance and reaches for her hand and this time she lets him. He just holds it, the leather band and little-beaded bracelets bunch up around her delicate wrist.

 

“I didn’t want to tell you, I didn’t want you to know me like that.” She whispers it like its a secret and telling it will make it come true.

 

“Why?”

 

“If you knew you’d look at me like other people do…”

 

“What the hell you mean? How my gonna look at you?”

 

“Like I’m broken. Everyone who knows looks at me like, like all I am is this scar.” The scar that she keeps hidden. “All they see is what I did. And that’s not, that’s not all I am.”

 

He knows that. And he knows about scars.

 

Maybe.

 

Letting her hand go he turns away from her and pulls his t-shirt over his head. He thinks he hears her breath catch, just a little. A tiny insignificant gasp.

 

“Whada ya see?” Even asking hurts. But he does it anyway.

 

“I…”

 

“Scars, “ he says turning back to her, “ ‘s who I am.”

 

“No you’re not, it’s not…” Catching on. She’s catching on. He reaches for her hand again holds her wrist and his eyes flick to hers, she’s gotta do this, not him. He can hold her but she’s got to be the one to show him what she’s been trying to hide.

 

Her small delicate wrist, the bones moving, the tendons turning under pale skin. She unsnaps the cuff, lets it fall away revealing the thin pink scar, skin barely raised there like it does when a scar forms. It’s a whisper, a shadow, a weight. 

 

He brings his thumb around and presses it against the scar which compared to his is beautiful. That’s what he thinks anyway. And it’s not her, it’s a part of her obviously, a representation of who she is but it’s not all of it. He can feel a pulse but he doesn’t know if it’s hers or his.

 

He’s not his scars.

 

And DJ, he’s not the mark on his face that calls out to Daryl like a beacon of guilt.

 

He’s trying to make her see and maybe he’s trying to see for himself too.

 

“ ‘S not who you are either.” She’s gazing up at him, her face all eyes and soft lips that are parted and pink. He can kiss them. He can kiss her, he wants too.

 

He can’t tell her what to feel, can’t take away the things she’s always thought but he can kiss her like none of those things are what she is to him.

 

He can do that.

 

He lets her hand go and slides his up her arms and weaves his fingers into her still damp hair. He cups the back of her head in his palm and when she doesn’t wait, when she meets him halfway, he smiles against her lips, she did that before. Met him halfway. She’s kissing him as much as he’s kissing her and it so fucking ridiculous that it means what it does to him.

 

That she means what she does.

 

“Well wha’ the hell’s goin’ on here?!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Merle has perfect timing! So there’s the rest of the story… kind of. And I just feel the need to clarify, the nonconsensual sex between Beth and Jimmy was not rape. She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t say no and both of them were drinking. As far as I’m concerned drunk means no. But what happens when both parties are drinking? The debate could go on forever! But this is a fanfic and Beth is very much aware of what happened and although she regrets it, she doesn’t feel like Jimmy forced her to do anything she wasn’t willing to do. Jimmy is a jerk (it’s always Jimmy or Zach!) But his part in the fic is basically over and no he never tells anyone about him and Beth even though he threatened to do so. Let me know what you think!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Interrupted again! The Dixon’s have the worst timing! This chapter is all sweetness! With a little spice. Enjoy! And thank you for taking time to read my fics!**

  
  
  


 

_ “What the hell’s going on here?” _

 

Beth feels Daryl stiffen beneath her hand on his chest, his bare chest. He seems to realize he’s not wearing a shirt at the same exact time she does. Pulling away from her, he grabs his shirt from where he dropped it on the couch and yanks it over his head.

 

The spell is broken. That's what it feels like. Before they’d been interrupted she felt Daryl smile against her lips and it had been a sweet, little rush, feeling his lips curve against hers, she’d wanted to smile too.

 

But.

 

His shirt is back on and he’s too far away. Taking a chance she holds her hand out to him. And he doesn’t even hesitate, just takes her hand in his, weaves their fingers together and moves in beside her.

 

Carol and Merle are still standing there staring at them expectantly and Beth has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing at the absurdity of it all. Her and Daryl wearing Daryl's clothes, their damp hair sticking to their faces, faces that were only moments before connected at the lips.

 

So it’s quite likely that Carol and Merle are thinking a number of things right about now.

 

“Ya okay?” Daryl speaks first, keeps it safe by asking a question. Merle shrugs looking a little chagrined.

 

“He,” Carol says stabbing a finger in Merle’s direction, “was itching. Scratching his incision which made it red and inflamed and it could’ve potentially become infected.” 

 

“But it’s not, infected?” Beth asks. Carol shakes her head, eyes fixated on her husband who seems like he’s trying to disappear. “Well, that’s good news. And you know Merle they make creams for that.” Beth can’t help it, she has to tease him a little. If only for the simple fact that she’s glad he’s okay. And because he interrupted the kiss. And that left her wanting. The warm feeling in her lower belly, that rush, isn’t completely gone. He knows everything now, Daryl knows everything and it doesn't matter.

 

But it does.

 

It does because he looked at her like she was still that girl he met in the woods.

 

“Yeah, yeah I know that. Got a tube a something from the doc at the E.R.” There’s a twinkle in his eye as he looks at Beth and she has a strong urge to go to him and hug him because he’s okay- he could’ve been a lot worse off, without Daryl, without all of this.

 

“I’m glad you’re okay Merle,” she says it because it’s true.

 

“Course ya are! Cause yer a sweetheart! Don’ know what ya see in my brother though!” That’s a lie and she knows it. He’s the one teasing now and he’s also acknowledging that he knows there is something there, between her and Daryl.

 

Daryl’s face is a mask. Whatever he’s thinking is a secret. But he’s still holding her hand.

 

“Everything go okay with the kids?” Carol asks as she pulls off her wet jacket and drapes it over a chair. She reaches for Merle’s and does the same with it.

 

“Yeah. No one woke up. Slept through the worst part of the storm.” It’s like they’re waiting for something, standing there together watching Merle and Carol watch them.

 

“I, um, I had a fight with Maggie and I came to see you Carol, but… Daryl was here and he,” She won’t even begin to try to explain what Daryl did because one she can’t and two it’s theirs. What happened here in the candlelight and the storm, it belongs to her and Daryl. “He gave me some dry clothes and… it’s okay.” It’s a pretty lame explanation but it's all she has.

 

“Well, I’m glad he was here. You shouldn’t have run out into a storm like this one though Beth. One more person I have to worry about.” She doesn't look too upset about that though. She does look tired and Beth realizes that she’s been going through a huge amount of stress with Merle and his illness and the surgery. Carol really doesn’t need anything else to worry about. It’s late or early and she’s probably worn out.

 

“I should probably go-,” she starts. And all three of them look at her.

 

“Ya ain’t going anywhere,” Daryl says suddenly startling her.

 

“He’s right, the storm eased up but it ain’t over yet. We’ll be lucky if we get power back before daylight,” Merle says.

 

“Take the spare bed Beth, I mean unless…” Carol looks between the two of them. Uncertain. Beth feels her face heat up. She can’t even turn her head in Daryl’s direction. They’ve only known one another for a little over a week. Carol can’t possibly think... but they did walk in on her and Daryl kissing and Daryl wasn’t wearing a shirt so…

 

And to be honest, Beth has been thinking of all those things too. All of them. And every single one involves her and Daryl, both shirtless.

 

But not yet.

 

“Oh no, it’s,” God could she be any more pathetic? “I’ll sleep in the spare.” Letting Daryl’s hand slide out of hers she heads down the hall to the spare bedroom. She knows where it is. She’s even slept in it a couple of times. It’s dark though and she forgot about that when she hurried out of the room but Carol is right behind her with a candle.

 

Setting the candle on the bedside table Carol looks around the room. 

 

“Daryl spent a couple of night’s in here and I haven’t had time to change the sheets yet, I hope that-” She stops suddenly and bursts out laughing. “You keep getting interrupted by us! I’m really sorry about that. But I knew it! I knew… you’re okay though? The fight..?” Carol asks. This is what she loves about Carol, it’s like having her mama and Maggie without all the heartache. 

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. It was dumb- like most of our fights are,” Beth says. 

 

“But it was enough to send you running here in a storm no less,” Carol says gently.

 

“I think it just hurts my feelings more than anything. We used to be close. I miss that.” And she does. If she could fix it, what’s wrong between her and her sister she would.

 

“Have you ever tried talking to her about it Beth?”

 

“Well, not really like I should I guess. I’m afraid though, what if she doesn’t care?” That’s something she doesn't think she can handle. Right now she’s holding onto the hope that one day she’ll have the relationship she used to have with Maggie. Or at least something close.

 

“I have a feeling that wouldn’t be the case.” Carol pulls the bedding back and starts fluffing the pillows. “But Daryl was here, you talk to him about it?” 

 

“Not really about the fight. But everything else. I told him everything. And he, he didn’t judge me, didn’t make me feel stupid.”

 

“Course he didn’t. That’s not Daryl. And I told you- there’s something about you.” Carol smiles at her

 

Something about her. Something about him. All of it. When she’s here she can breathe.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Once Beth left, followed Carol down the hall, Daryl sat on the edge of the couch. He tried not to think about how fast Beth had taken off down the hall. And why. Because to be honest he isn’t sure. Questions about sleeping arrangements that just got awkward. And now Merle is staring at him which is a whole other kind of awkward.

 

“Wha’?” Merle just shrugs. But it’s not just a shrug it’s a whole lot more. “I’m gonna head out in a-” Daryl starts.

 

“Ya ain’t going nowhere either. Yer familiar with this couch ain’t ya?”

 

Fine.

 

“Ain’t sure what y’all are thinkin’, ‘bout me and Beth, but it ain’t, it ain’t like that and it sure the hell ain’t none of yer business.” Daryl tries to be assertive but there are these roles that were determined a long time ago between him and his brother and it’s tough to supersede them.

 

“Don’ matter. I already see it. ‘S plain as the nose on my face. She looks at you like you got the power ta make the sun shine and you, shit yer jus’ as bad. All moony-eyed when she’s around.” Merle smiles.

 

“I like her.” Plain and simple but so much more than that. He likes her. Three small words that hardly do justice for what it is he feels.

 

“Ya don’t say?” His brother is an asshole. But he knows Beth, knows her family and he can probably give Daryl the information he wants, needs…

 

“Her daddy, family, they ain’t like, ain’t like ours at all? I mean no one’s hurtin’ her-” He doesn’t even like thinking it let alone saying it out loud. But he’d wondered when she was telling him her story.

 

“She tell ya they was?” Merle looks at him sharply.

 

“No, but things she’s said and always wanting ta be gone-”

 

“Her daddy’s a good man. Family is good too. They been through some tough shit. Still struggling with it, but they ain’t bad.” Merle is scrutinizing Daryl.

 

“Wha’?”

 

“Wha’ if they was?” It seems like a challenge. Or maybe Merle just wants to know.

 

“Ain’t gonna let nobody hurt her,” Daryl says softly. There’s a look of wonder on Merle’s face and his smile kind of hurts.

 

“Course ya wouldn't. Guess that makes two of us huh?” 

 

Carol comes back- a shadow emerging from the dark hallway. She must’ve left the candle with Beth.

 

“Daryl I know you only live a few yards away but I hope-” she starts.

 

“He’s staying on the couch,” Merle says. It’s funny because over the course of the years there have been moments where Daryl has felt more like one of the kids than an adult. This is one of those moments.

 

“Rain ain’t gonna hurt me.” Daryl mumbles.

 

“Ya gonna leave when yer girl’s right down the hall?” The back of his neck prickles uncomfortably but he likes the sound of that.

 

His girl.

 

Ignoring Merle and looking at Carol, “I’m gonna go- see, I’m-” He’s a grown fucking man and he doesn't need permission to go see Beth, tell her goodnight.

 

Huffing out a breath he pushes past them both, continues to ignore Merle who is now snickering and heads down the hall. He reaches the threshold and he can see the door isn’t closed tight, candlelight flickers from inside. 

 

He stood at the bathroom door and knocked lightly just like this and that seems like another place, another time. When he hears her call out he pushes the door open and steps inside.

 

“Hey, I jus’ wanted ta make sure yer okay, I mean stayin’ here…” And he wants to see her. Carol must have given her a brush because her hair is combed out and falling in waves down her back and over her shoulder. It shines in the soft light.

 

“Oh, I’m fine Daryl. It’s still raining and I, I really don’t want to go back there tonight.” He doesn’t want her to go either. Even if her family is a good one, she isn’t happy right now and he knows she’s happy here. He’s seen it.

 

“Ain’t they gonna worry?” Her face falls just a little, but she wipes it away as she brushes a stray lock of hair from her cheek.

 

“I don’t think so. They’ll probably figure I’m in the barn.” She’d told him she went there a lot, must still go there. Hiding. 

 

“Okay.” Fidgeting, he stands there waiting for something he isn’t sure of. 

 

“Do you wanna sit for a minute?” She’s moving over on the bed making room for him. His mouth is suddenly dry and he’s nervous but he sits tentatively on the edge of the bed.

 

Because he wants to sit next to her.

 

“Thank you for listening to me Daryl.” He has a feeling she’s feeling a lot like he is. 

 

“Ain’t nothing, don’ gotta thank me.” He’s shrugging his shoulders. She’s smiling up at him and her eyes, still pink-rimmed, are so blue.

 

“I want to.” She does because she’s got a goodness in her. She was falling apart- saying things that were really tough to say especially to someone she hardly knows. And now she’s thanking him for listening. And she’s so fucking beautiful.

 

“I wanna kiss you, Beth.” He says it before he chickens out before he leaves the room and the candlelight and her without doing this.

 

Reaching out he lays his palm against her cheek and rubs his thumb across her lips. Touching her, being allowed to touch her feels unreal. She doesn’t equate. Not in his life, not someone like her.

 

But she’s here and she has a hand on his chest she's slowly sliding up and over his shoulder, curling it around the back of his neck. And the look on her face, her pupils are blown wide with desire and the tip of her tongue chases his thumb. She sucks it into her mouth and he can’t handle it anymore. With a groan, he leans in.

 

This kiss. It’s a whole different story. It’s the kiss that when he thinks back over the course of his life, will be the turning point, the game changer.

 

Her mouth is open as if to skip the formalities and get right to the business of kissing. Before he felt he needed to be gentle with her, take it slow but now she’s knotted her fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against her. Their noses bump and the sounds she’s making are like music to his ears. And even as she’s making those noises her mouth on his is warm and wet. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, worries it with his teeth until she whimpers and he feels them falling back onto the bed and he tilts his head so he can kiss her deeper. Hands framing her face, her name on his lips when his lips aren’t busy tasting hers.

 

“Beth…” She’s carding her fingers through his hair and his lips find her temple, her soft ear and he gently sucks at the skin where her neck meets her shoulder. She shudders beneath him and it’s then that he realizes how incredibly small she is. His body is covering her and it feels so good to have her here beneath him. Too good.

 

All of the blood in is body has centralized in one place and that one place has a mind of its own and he finds himself grinding against her hip. She’s bucking up against him and it’s only fueling the fire in his cock, she’s doing that.

 

When he becomes fully conscious of what he’s doing he raises himself up and off of her.

 

“I gotta stop Beth, for I can’t,” he breathes. The words are out of his mouth before he realizes what he could be implying. “I mean I coulda, I-”

 

She’s watching him while idly running a finger over his eyebrow and down the side of his face. Her eyes are wide and her lips curve in a soft smile secure in the knowledge she already has but he needs to voice.

 

“I’d never hurt ya, Beth,” he whispers.

 

“I know that Daryl. I knew it all along.” Easing himself up into a sitting position, he brings her with him and when he leans back against the headboard she tucks her self in beside him.

 

“I just don’t want ya ta think I’d try and do anything ya weren’t ready for.”

 

“I want you as much as you want me, it’s just not as apparent…” Daryl feels his face heat up. She knows. She felt him. And she wants him. Groaning he tips his head back until it thuds against the wall.

 

“Sorry ‘bout that.” 

 

“I like it, I, I like that I make you feel that way.” 

 

“Do I make ya feel that way too?” No, he did not just ask her that. Or maybe.

 

She has a hold of his wrist and she tugs his hand up under the t-shirt he gave her to wear and with her fingers guiding him she lets him feel what he’s doing to her. He palms her warm breast and brushes a thumb over her hard nipple. Hard because of him.

 

“You make me feel that way too Daryl.” It’s breathy and warm against his neck.

 

She leans in this time and kisses him. He’s still reeling from the feeling of her in his hand, soft and hard at the same time. And when he squeezes a little she moans into his mouth and it’s definitely time to stop. Because even if she wants him like he wants her it’s not happening in his brother's house.

 

That thought is enough to sober him up. Because kissing her and touching her is like being drunk. He’s fucked. In the best way possible.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The way he’s holding her and what his fingers are doing, she’s pretty sure she got her point across about him doing to her what she’s doing to him. And she doesn’t want him to stop. It feels so incredibly amazing and it’s never ever been like this. And so there’s a certain way it’s gonna go.

 

_ Is it too soon to think about the sun and the moon mama? _

 

She feels herself pulling away just a little, and his hand smoothing the shirt back down over her body.

 

“I should prolly go-” No, no, no… he can’t not yet. He can’t.

 

“Stay, just until I fall asleep?” She can’t be sure, but the way his face changes, he’s happy.

 

“Yeah, I can do that.” He moves with her, back down onto the bed and holds an arm out her inviting her in, and she lays her head on his chest.

 

“Beth?” The timbre of his voice is low and gravelly. 

 

“Mmhmm..” There’s thunder in the distance, rumbling like his chest under her ear.

 

“Wanna go to a movie or dinner sometime?” She was getting soft with sleep until this, now she’s wide awake.

 

“Like a date?”

 

“Well yeah if ya want to?” His tone is suddenly cautious like maybe he said the wrong thing.

 

“I do. I-” A date. Which she hasn’t been on since, well, ever if you really want to get technical. And even though her family is what is it, there are certain things she thinks have to be done and if she’s ever going to be on even ground with them she has to at least try and do her part. Doesn’t she?

 

“Wha’, wha’s a matter?” he asks.

 

“Does that mean you’d come and pick me up and-”

 

“Well yeah, that’s how it works ain’t it?” And she wonders how many dates Daryl has been on, how many daddies he’s had to meet and if, being that he’s older, he even wants to deal with all that.

 

She’d rather not. But.

 

“My daddy, he’ll be there and you’d probably have to meet him.” There she said it and he can decline if he is really opposed to it.

 

“Alright.” 

 

“You will?” If she’s being honest she knew he’d agree to it. Even if he doesn’t want too.

 

“Yeah, I’ll meet yer daddy. Thought you was goin’ ta sleep, girl?” He’s funny, in a quiet sort of way. His sense of humor is tentative, like him, kind of unsure. She likes that. 

 

“I am. Thank you, Daryl.”

 

“Stop.”

 

“What?”

 

“Thankin’ me fer everything. Don’t gotta.” She could argue with that, go into all the reasons why but she knows what he’s saying without him even having to say it and she’s beginning to pick up on the little complexities that make up Daryl Dixon.

 

“Okay.” Rubbing her cheek against his chest she sighs and slides her arm around him and he tightens the one he has around her. Falling asleep like this with him is the closest thing she’s had to being loved in a long time.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl is a little disoriented when he wakes up, mainly because there is a warm body right next to him. It only takes him a second before he remembers everything and smiles and pulls Beth in close. There is a soft light coming through the window. The storm must have passed and it’s morning.

 

Shit! It's morning. He must have fallen asleep. She’s stirring against him and he feels the exact moment she realizes what he just did.

 

“It’s morning?” Her voice is heavy with sleep. And it’s doing things to his body, things he’d rather not have happen right now. Extracting his arm from underneath her he sits up, rubbing his face.

 

“I better get back out on the couch…” 

 

“Yeah. I think it’s early, but yeah.” She sits up too, scoots back and is messing with her hair, smoothing it down. It’s wild and unruly and he wants to bury his face in it, see what she smells like in the morning before she fully wakes up.

 

But he won’t. 

 

“ ‘S early, go back ta sleep.” She nods but she’s also not moving and watching him. So he does what he wants to and what he thinks she’s waiting for. He leans in and kisses her. Softly. For such a small thing, it’s wreaking big havoc on his brain and his body. He’s dizzy. 

 

Kissing Beth makes him dizzy and it’s perfect.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Carol is up already. Making coffee in the kitchen. She smiles at him when he walks in.

 

“Whada ya doing up so early?” he asks opening a cupboard a grabbing a mug. He isn’t even going to try sleeping. Not with his head full of everything that happened and could happen and no he just can’t lay on the couch and think right now.

 

“Couldn’t sleep. You didn’t use the couch?” She raises an eyebrow before she turns away. He doesn't say anything at first just continues watching her as she takes out the waffle iron and gathers ingredients for waffles. She’s already fried up bacon. 

 

“I- we fell asleep.” He says it softly without any irritation. He doesn’t have to explain anything to Carol. He could but he doesn’t have too.

 

A few minutes later Beau comes ambling in his spiderman PJ bottoms and they’re on backward. Daryl has noticed they’re always backward.

 

“Why ya always got yer jammies on backward?” he asks his nephew who has climbed up onto a stool by the island where Carol is stirring waffle mix.

 

“Keep away nightmares!” He says it matter of fact as if Daryl should know exactly why he’s wearing them this way. His brow furrowed Daryl looks to Carol for an explanation.

 

“Don’t ask.” That seems to be the safest answer for now. But he is curious.

 

DJ and Sophia are right behind Beau, lured by the smell of breakfast no doubt. DJ climbs up onto the stool next to Daryl and the little boys scarred face brings the storm and he and Beth’s conversation from the night before back and Daryl has to look away. Grabbing his coffee cup he goes for a refill.

 

“I thought waffles were for special occasions and guests mama?” Sophia asks.

 

“Sometimes. You guys missed out last night. There was a huge storm, power was out, I had to take daddy to the hospital and Beth came to stay with you guys and Daryl.” For a minute the kids just look at their mama without even blinking and it’s kind of comical. Until DJ almost falls off his stool in his hurry to get down and run towards his daddy’s room. And Sophia and Beau look a little scared.

 

“Shit! That didn’t go as planned.” Carol mutters dropping her spoon and going after DJ.

 

“Uncle Daryl, what happened?” Sophia is tugging on his arm.

 

“Hey ‘s okay. Yer daddy just had a rash or somethin’, he’s fine. He was scratching and he shouldn’ a been.” Daryl explains. Both kids are looking up at him with huge eyes.

 

“Y’all stayed in the dark last night?” Beau asks.

 

“They had candles, Beau, like mama always does when the lights go out.”

 

“Oh. Where’s Beth?”

 

“She’s-” he starts but Carol calls from the other room.

 

“Sophia, Beau come in here please!” The kids take off and Daryl turns back to his coffee.

 

“Hi, Daryl.” She’s right there behind him. How did she manage to sneak up on him? Turning around he looks at her. She’s wearing her own clothes. Carol must’ve dried them for her. She’s here and she’s real and suddenly he feels shy.

 

“Hey.” It’s all he can muster. After everything that happened last night. ‘Hey” is all he’s got?

 

“Oh coffee, can I-”

 

“Yeah, yeah com’on. You can have anythin’ ya want.” Reaching into the cupboard he pulls out another mug for her. And sets it on the counter.

 

“Anything?”

 

“Wha’?” 

 

“You said I could have anything Daryl.” She’s so close he could lean in and just...

 

But of course, here they come, the whole damn family. His family.

 

“Dammit!” He thought he said it under his breath but she’s giggling next to him as she takes the mug from the counter.

 

He watches them as they crowd into the kitchen. The kids at the island with Carol asking for chocolate chips in the waffles and calling to Beth to come watch, Merle looking from Beth to him and smiling in a knowing way and her in the middle of it all. 

 

His family includes her too. Beth.

 

Maybe. Because he hasn’t met her father yet and he did a good job making her believe he was good with it. He’s not. Not one bit.

 

But like he told her, she can have anything.

 

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I’d say they’ve come a long way in just one night! But storms and power outages are known to work magic… Daryl has agreed to meet Beth’s father. And he’s nervous. I wonder how that will go? Stay tuned! And if you can please leave a note! I would appreciate it! Thank you!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **And here we go! Thank you for sharing your comments with me! It’s always nice to see what you are all thinking/feeling!**

They ate waffles. With chocolate chips. Sitting around the table laughing with all of them was almost perfect. The one thing that could tip the scales would be going home to her own family and feeling the same way she feels right now.

 

Saturday morning turns out to be very chaotic at the Dixon’s. Merle’s phone starts ringing off the hook. Something about a company truck and that has Daryl wolfing down his waffles and looking at her apologetically as he heads out to his apartment to change into work clothes.

 

She can’t kiss him before she leaves. Not here in front of everyone. So it’s just a look that they share and it seems to go on forever until he turns away. And even then she feels it, his leaving, like an empty box that used to be full.

 

Beau and DJ are asking for the slip n’ slide and Sophia needs a ride to a friends. Merle is going on about some guy named Abe who is gonna steal Daryl away from him. And Beth can’t help but smile as she helps Carol clear the table.

 

“How about I give you a ride home? I know you’d probably prefer-” Carol starts.

 

“No, it’s fine. I get the feeling they’re busy. Which is good right? As long as, I mean Daryl’s okay to do that stuff?” Carol raises an eyebrow and shoves the last of the forks into the dishwasher.

 

“Some of it. I made him promise he’d stop if he gets tired or anything hurts. They started this job Thursday and I know the owner needs the trucks back this morning.” Beth nods as Carol talks and soon the dishwasher is full and they're headed out to the car. 

 

“Come on Sophia! Beau, DJ you can start unpacking the slip n’ slide. Keep all the small pieces in the box and don’t bother your daddy or your uncle! I’ll be back soon.”

 

“Okay mama, Beth you gonna spend the night again?” Beth isn’t sure what to say and then DJ joins in.

 

“Next time we wanna stay up with y'all. Did’ja guys play games?” 

 

“We um, well it was dark..” Games. No games, lots of talking and telling hard truths and then well then it all just got better and better. “Next time we will definitely play games!” That seemed to satisfy the boys and they hugged her and took off outside.

 

“Put you on the spot there didn’t they?” Carol chuckles and even Sophia is smiling.

 

“I bet you guys held hands huh? In the candlelight? That’s so romantic!” she giggles.

 

“What do you know about romance young lady?” Carol asks as they climb into the car. But Sophia is giggling too hard to answer. 

 

Before Beth’s got herself buckled in Daryl comes around the side of the house. He’s chewing on a thumbnail as he approaches the car and she feels her heart flutter as she watches him. Suddenly the car is extremely quiet.

 

I uh, I’s jus’ gonna say-” he starts but before he can finish she interrupts.

 

“Not, not goodbye, see you soon.” Goodbye isn’t a word she likes. Goodbye is final. It’s what she was told to say to her mama. It’s what people do at funerals. Goodbye is too much like forever in her opinion. He’s looking at her like she’s a little crazy but he nods.

 

“Okay, see ya soon then,” he says quietly.

 

“You can kiss her uncle Daryl. I won’t tell!” 

 

“Sophia!” Carol chides and giggles erupt from the back seat once more. Beth’s sure her face is beet red. Daryl’s blushing all the way up to the tips of his ears. She drops the seatbelt and stands up and gives him a quick hug resting her chin on his shoulder.

 

“Don’t have to kiss me, not here,” she whispers but she feels his lips brush her forehead anyway and she’s smiling as she buckles herself in watching him stand in the driveway as they back out.

 

“Gosh, a forehead kiss is really romantic too!” Carol doesn’t reprimand her daughter, this time she joins in laughing with her and Beth.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He couldn’t just let her leave without, something. PDA is a thing he doesn’t think he’ll ever be comfortable with, but then he never had something like this, someone like her. He’d walked out of the house leaving her with just a look and it wasn’t what he wanted, sure as hell wasn’t what she wanted. He saw her face, the way it fell. But everyone was there.

 

So he’d left. 

 

And the entire time he was changing into his coveralls he’d thought about it. Letting her just go without anything. That wasn’t right. He could be uncomfortable for her because it isn’t even about her. The discomfort. It’s him and who he is, but that was before her.

 

Shoving his feet into his boots he takes the stairs two at a time and glances over at Merle.

 

“Be right back.” He sees the boys out on the lawn tearing into their slip n’ slide. “Where’s yer mama?”

 

“Gonna take Beth home. Y’all gonna need the hose?” Beau asks.

 

“Nah, go on n’ take it,” Daryl says distractedly. Heading around the house he saw them in the car, just about to leave.

 

But she was still there and she watched him walk over, said she didn’t wanna say goodbye and when she wrapped her arms around him it was only uncomfortable because there were other people there. 

 

It wasn’t her arms around him, her soft breath against his ear and the way she let him off the hook about a kiss, none of that felt wrong at all. He even managed to brush a kiss against her forehead to the delight of his niece. But hell even that wasn’t so bad. 

 

Standing there in the driveway watching her leave was the part that wasn’t any good. Mainly because he felt like a big old fool. She was just going home. Less than a mile away. Not to the moon.

 

“Come on loverboy, we got shit ta do!” Leave it to Merle to help him get his head on straight.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Hey, ya got everythin’ wrapped up here?” Merle’s voice cuts into his daydreaming. Jobs like these he does better just going off in his head and letting his hands do what they need to. The truck is finished. He’d wanted to do a final inspection. Wants to get this job right because the things that Abe had said, he’s been thinking about them.

 

“Yeah, ‘s done.” Sliding out from under the truck on the dolly he wipes his hands on his coveralls.

 

“Wash up then. We’re goin’ over ta the Greene farm.” Daryl notices how Merle keeps an eye on him as he says this. “Hershel called me, ‘s got a truck he needs modified so he can use it with his prosthetic leg. Think ya can do somethin’ like that?” The Greene farm, Beth’s daddy. Shit. 

 

“Did some modifications on a Harley out in Nashville. Can’t hurt ta look at it.” Daryl shrugs.

 

“I’m guessing her daddy don’ know ‘bout you and his baby girl?” Daryl cut his eyes to his brother as his stomach cramps in a fit of nerves. Shaking his head, he looks away from Merle.

 

“Ain’t sure what it is no how” he mutters. He also doesn’t know what Beth has said to her dad about him. Or if she’s even said anything all. His guess is probably not.

 

“Right,” Merle chuckles. “Get yerself ready then. Y'all get ta see fer yerself where she comes from.” Turning away his brother heads out of the garage hollering at the boys to turn off the hose before they flood the whole of King County.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth agreed to ride with Carol to drop Sophia off at her friend's. She knew that Carol had something on her mind and although it might have been about Daryl she’s pretty sure it’s about what happened between her and Maggie. And since she didn’t really feel comfortable talking to Daryl about it, she’s glad her and Carol are alone and can talk. Because Carol’s been the one she’s been going to for the past four years. And it’s a good feeling having someone to talk to who listens without passing judgment. 

 

“Okay spill, what happened that sent you running off into storm?” Carol asks as she backs out of the driveway of Sophia’s friend's house. 

“Maggie started in on the whole, ‘What’re ya doing with your life Bethy? You need to be making some plans. You're twenty-one years old, blah, blah, blah…”  The fight hadn’t been the reason she’d left. Part of it, but not all of it. It had been everything. She’d tried. For as long as she could and then she couldn’t anymore.

 

_ Beth had done her best to steer clear of Maggie after eavesdropping on the conversation her family had about her on Wednesday evening. After taking Nellie out she’d climbed up into the loft and slept there. She’d tossed and turned all night. It didn’t bring her the comfort it once had. _

 

_ She thought about Daryl, their kiss and how she wanted more, with him and for herself. The farm which had once been a kind of sanctuary was starting to feel more like a prison. But the gate wasn’t locked and she was free to go anytime she wanted. _

 

_ That was the part that was the hardest for her to accept. Her world was changing though. Meeting Daryl, getting a job, she felt like a butterfly just beginning to break through the walls of a cocoon that held her tight while at the same time demanding she fight her way out. _

 

_ Luckily for her Thursday had been a busy day at the clinic and she had the house to herself all day. It gave her time to catch up on laundry and get some cleaning done. Dinner was ready and waiting when her daddy and Maggie came home well after sunset. They both looked beat and after letting them know dinner was in the oven she made an excuse about being tired and had hurried up to her room.  _

 

_ No one asked her where she’d been all night, for all the worrying they did about her most days you’d think this reprieve would be welcome. But it left her feeling unsettled. She’d fallen asleep with her phone in her hand agonizing over whether or not she should text Daryl and what she should say.  _

 

_ Friday morning her daddy caught her on her way out. He’d commented on her not sleeping in her own bed the night before. _

 

_ “I know when you aren’t here Bethy, you might think I don’t but I do.”  _

 

_ Her daddy’s the cocoon.  _

 

_ She’d spent the morning at the library picking out books for the following week and making a list of the things she needed to bring from home or pick up at the store. Mr. Monroe had told her to keep her receipts because the library would reimburse her for anything she used with the children. He also showed her a little storage room that had a puppet theater, flannel board stories and activities and a few art supplies that she was welcome to use also.  _

 

_ When she left a few hours later she was excited and looking forward to her first day. _

 

_ Unfortunately, she’d come home to chaos. A feud between farmers on the other side of town over a suspected cattle poisoning had been what kept Maggie and her daddy away the day before and this morning the last of the cows had been put down. Her daddy loved his job but losing patients was always hard on him. Not long after she got home Sheriff Grimes had shown up to take their statements. The sheriff had been a family friend for years and Beth could tell he wasn’t enjoying this part of his job either. _

 

_ Needless to say, no one was in a good mood that afternoon and it continued into the evening as the storm that had been teasing them all day finally rolled in. She’d heard Maggie slamming cupboards and mumbling to herself as she came down the stairs and it was then that she’d realized she had forgotten about dinner. Which consequently wasn’t really all her responsibility. _

 

_ Maggie, however, seemed to feel differently. _

 

_ “Where were you all day? Coulda used some help here.” Her sister was pulling out slices of bread. Beth noticed the jars of peanut butter and jelly sitting on the counter. _

 

_ “You’re feeding daddy peanut butter and jelly?” Maggie had stopped what she was doing and glared at Beth. _

 

_ “He went to bed, wasn’t hungry. You know how he gets when he loses an animal. Well, he lost 20 over the last two days. Did you even think to ask him how he’s doing?” Maggie was being completely unfair now. Beth hadn’t had a minute alone with her father to check on his well being and to be honest she’d only gotten bits and pieces of the story throughout the day. _

 

_ “I was-” she’d started. _

 

_ “You were what? Hiding out somewhere? Taking care of the Dixon family? What are you doing with your life, Beth?”  _

 

_ Something in her right then said to fight back. Maggie is the cocoon too and this is the way it goes. _

 

_ So she hadn’t run off, not at first, she’d stood her ground and looked her sister in the eye. _

_ “I don’t know Maggie, I never got to go out and live it. Shawn left, you left and I was here looking after my grieving father!” When he should have been looking after me is what she’s thinking. “Nobody ever asked me what I wanted to do, you all just left…” _

 

_ “So you had to cut your wrist to get everyone’s attention?” Feeling like she’d been slapped Beth backed up into her father as he bellowed, _

 

_ “Margaret!” For the record, Maggie had a look of horror on her face and Beth knew her sister regretted what she’d said but that didn’t stop her. _

 

_ “I didn’t do the for attention, I didn’t-” _

 

_ “Then why’d ya do it? We were all hurting-” _

 

_ “Enough! I’ve had enough. Maggie go to bed. Beth-” He’d looked at her then and she saw in her daddy what she carried around inside of her. Guilt. And it didn’t make any sense because wasn’t this all on her? It was. It had to be. She didn’t know it any other way. _

 

_ What happens to a butterfly who can’t fight her way out of the cocoon? _

 

_ She ran then. Old habits die hard and running away was easier than looking into her daddy’s eyes. _

 

“My daddy looked at me and he, he just looked ashamed Carol and I couldn’t handle that. He fell because of me, he lost his leg because of me. He can’t change the story now that I’ve been living it. But he looked at me like everything I believed to be true wasn’t.”

 

“Cause maybe it isn’t Beth,” Carol says gently.

 

It dawns on her then, that maybe guilt is the cocoon too and it’s wrapped around all of them, holding on tight. 

  
  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They ride over to the farm in Merle’s truck. The sun is shining, the storm clouds have all moved on and by late afternoon the heat will have settled over them like a blanket again. Merle doesn’t try and make small talk and for that Daryl is grateful. Regardless of how he’s meeting Hershel Greene, he is meeting him. Beth’s daddy. And it’s kind of nerve-wracking. 

 

“Ya sure Hershel don’t know nothin’? Asked me ta bring ya along fore I even tol’ him you’d be the one ta do the work.” Merle could have told him this before they left, given Daryl the choice whether or not he wanted to come. 

 

He would’ve. Has too. For her.

 

“Ain’t nothin for Beth ta tell. We jus’, this all happened last night.” That’s a lie and Merle’s not stupid.

 

“Ya asked me about her daddy cause she tol’ ya everything right?” Merle asks. Daryl glances over at his brother and nods. “Prolly has a lot ta do with that.” Maybe. It doesn’t really go along with Beth’s story. But maybe.

 

At the end of the drive is a huge white farmhouse, it’s old. Probably close to a hundred years give or take a few. Besides the house, there’s a barn, some other outbuildings, a corral, and a garden. The woods creep up on the north and south sides. The fields behind the house look like hay.

 

Climbing out of the truck he watches as an older man with white hair and a beard comes down the front steps on a crutch. This is unexpected. Beth’s daddy is a lot older than he’d assumed the man would be.

 

“Merle! Good to see you on your feet.” They meet him halfway and Merle shakes his hand.

 

“Hard ta sit around doing nothing. As long as I take it easy the warden back home will let me out.” Hershel chuckles along with Merle. “This here is my brother Daryl.” Merle introduces him and Hershel is looking out at him from a pair blue eyes that bear a striking resemblance to the girl he can’t get out of his head. The smile on the man’s face doesn’t quite reach his eyes though. There’s something else there, a wariness. 

 

“Daryl, good to meet you. I heard what you did for your brother. That’s an honorable thing.” Hershel takes Daryl’s hand and Daryl notes his grip. It’s firm and even though he’s older and only has the function of one leg, he’s not feeble. And he probably owns a shotgun which he can still shoot.

 

“Ain’t nothin’, he’s my brother,” Daryl says. 

 

“It’s something, and my daughter must think so too. Drove all the way into Atlanta to pick you up. That girl barely leaves this farm.” The look. This is what it was all about. Beth coming to pick him up. He goes back to talking with Merle and Daryl feels dismissed.

 

DAryl doesn’t attempt to join in their conversation. There’s no reason to. He doesn’t know the people they're talking and he’s been gone so long none of it means anything to him. Instead, he’s looking around wondering if Beth is here, wondering which room is hers and wondering what’s going on here that makes her so unhappy that she runs out into a storm just to get away. Because what Hershel said about Beth never leaving the farm is bullshit. Girl’s been over at the house, out in the woods, even sleeping in the damn barn to get away from something.

 

They finally get around to the reason they came when Hershel leads them over to a shop, one of the other outbuildings Daryl saw when they were driving in. Inside is a 1969 Ford F250 that’s obviously been well taken care of. It's a little beat up which is to be expected being that it's obviously a work truck. Climbing into the cab, he finds that it’s untouched. It’s like a piece of the past. Once he takes a look at the current pedals he gets out. 

 

“Ya got somewhere yer gettin’ parts from?”

 

“I do. Are you up for something like this Daryl?” He can’t be sure but he thinks he detects a hint of doubt in the old man’s tone. Before he can comment Merle and his big mouth butt in.

 

“Hell yeah, he can! He modified a Harley for a biker out in Nashville didn’ ya Daryl? Boy’s magic when it comes to vehicles and construction.” Merle’s smiling like he himself taught Daryl everything he knows.

 

“Shut up Merle,” Daryl growls. 

 

“When the parts come I’ll have you come take another look and if you think you can it do I’d appreciate it. I’d pay you for your time of course.” There’s still a look there and Daryl doesn’t like how it’s making him feel. 

 

“Ya ain’t gotta pay me. Beth does a lot for my family. Wouldn’t feel right taking money from her daddy.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Hershel insists they come back up to the house and have a glass of sweet tea on the porch. And of course Merle doesn’t ask Daryl what he’d like to do, just accepts Hershel's offer. Once they’re set with tea Hershel decides to prod some more.

 

“I saw Carol drop off Beth this morning, she spend the night at your place?” Hershel is looking at him but it’s Merle who answers.

 

“She did. Came looking for Carol, we couldn’t send her home in that storm so she stayed in the spare room.” Daryl looks away, down at the glass in his hands. Condensation is beading on it and running down in rivulets only to be deterred by his thick fingers. If Hershel is so worried about his daughter why didn’t he go after her when she left? Did he even realize she’d left or was it Carol bringing her home that gave it away?

 

“Mmmhmm. There was an argument with her sister. Those two, they just can’t seem too..” He pauses as if searching for the words. “Well, it’s been hard.” Merle is nodding, but Daryl looks away, down at his glass, his boots, anywhere but at the man, he wants to dislike but can’t, not completely. He hears screen door squeaks like it's being pushed open and then she’s there. Beth. Cutoff jeans and cowboy boots.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had.. company.” Her eyes light on Daryl and it’s impossible not to see her smile and realize that it’s directed at him. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and her cheeks are flushed either from the heat or something else. 

 

“Merle and Daryl came over to look at my pickup. Daryl thinks he can do the modifications on it so I can drive with my new leg.” Beth doesn’t look over at Hershel as he’s speaking, she’s looking at Daryl and it’s almost palpable, the intensity of her gaze. He wants to turn away, should, but he can’t.

 

“Hi Daryl, Merle…” _'Look away Beth'_ , look anywhere but at him is what he’s thinking because when he looks at her he’s sure it’s all there, _‘plain as the nose on my face’_ as Merle had said last night.

 

She finally turns her head in her daddy’s direction. Gives him a small, tight smile. 

 

“That’s great daddy.” The exchange that takes place between the two of them at that moment makes Daryl uncomfortable and he feels his hands ball into fists. Here’s the sadness. She's the first to look away though and Hershel’s gaze lands on Daryl. Only for a second but it’s enough.

 

“I was gonna take Nellie out for a bit but let me get you all some more tea before I go.” Taking her daddy’s glass she turns to Merle and takes the glass he’s holding out to her.

 

“Actually we need ta get back. Make sure my boys haven’t flooded the backyard.” Merle’s laugh sounds a little strained and Daryl is all for leaving. But.

 

"Oh, okay.” Her shoulders droop just a little and she turns to him, lips pursed and reaches for the glass in his hands.

 

“I can help ya,” he says it quietly but it’s impossible to hope that only she heard. With a small nod, she turns and he follows her into the house that he’s never been in before. He hears Merle start up a conversation or at least trying too. 

 

He follows her into the kitchen that’s filled with light and it’s like stepping back in time. Beth sets the glasses on the counter and turns to face him. She must’ve picked up on the vibe out on the porch.

 

“Is everything okay?” What’s he supposed to say? Your dad doesn’t like me? Because he doesn’t know that for sure, he only knows that Hershel is aware that there is something going on. And for a father, that's enough Daryl supposes. So instead of answering her he just shrugs. 

 

“Well since you're here maybe I could tell my daddy that we’re gonna see a movie or something… sometime... What?” He’s shaking his head.

 

“No Beth.”

 

“Why? Daryl, what’s going on?” Her hand is resting on his arm and he wants to take hold of it and pull her out the back door and run off into the woods where she goes when she leaves this place.

 

“I don’ think yer daddy would approve.” This was always how it was going to be. He should have known. He doesn’t get to have this. Her. It doesn’t work out that way for guys like him.

 

“What do you mean? Did he say something? Did he-” Looking over her shoulder at what’s caught Daryl’s attention. Her daddy is standing in the doorway.

 

“Beth, I’m going to need you to drive me out to the Hutchins farm. I got an emergency call.” Hershel’s gaze falls on Beth’s hand where she’s holding on to his arm. Daryl moves back enough so that she has to let him go.

 

“I uh, I better catch up ta Merle.” He gives her one last look before he heads towards the doorway where Hershel is still standing.

 

“I’ll let you know when the parts come in-”

 

“Or I can just call Daryl for you daddy.” Girl. What the hell is she doing? Daryl nods doesn’t look back at Beth as he skirts around Hershel. Before he tears off through the front door he forces himself to stop and turn around. Hershel is half in half out of the doorway.

 

“It was nice meetin’ ya. Thanks for the tea.” Pausing for a minute he adds, “See ya later Beth.” Then he turns and pushes through the screen door, stomping down the stairs with more force than he intends and makes his way to Merle’s truck.

 

They make it to the end of the drive before Merle says anything.

 

“What the fuck brother? Why y’all bent outta shape?” Merle handles the hot steering wheel with his fingertips.

 

“Ain’t.” He’s feeling all kinds of things. 

 

“Shit Daryl, thas’ his baby girl, man’s just lookin’ out for his own. Beth ain’t a child though, ya ain’t gotta feel ashamed a nothin’.” 

 

The one thing he never thought too hard on- her daddy- maybe it's because she’s made the man seem like he’s on the peripheral of her life, that he’s kind of background noise.

 

But he’s not. Hershel Greene is very much in his daughter’s life regardless of their problems. And he is in absolutely no way happy that Daryl Dixon is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know… I know... but life isn’t always perfect is it? I’ve had a week and it came out right here! Plus my characters seem to think they are in control and they were in the driver’s seat this time around! Please leave a comment! I appreciate them! And I appreciate all of you!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A little fluff and some other stuff… I hope this little update helps further us along. to wherever it is we’re going! Enjoy the finale tonight guys!! I am going to see it in the theater… whether or not that was the best decision remains to be seen! Thank you for reading and letting me know what you think. You’re all awesome!**

 

Beth stands at the counter, the silence of the kitchen bearing down on her. She’s trying to focus on her hands but her vision is blurry, blinking, she wills the tears away, berates herself internally for crying at a time like this. She isn’t sad or scared, she’s angry.

 

Drawing in a deep breath she steadies her voice.

 

“I, daddy what did you say to him?” It surprises her how soft her voice is when everything in her is telling her to turn on him, yell, scream, do something. All she can think is that it was him, her father, he must have said or done something that made Daryl act the way he did.

 

“If you’re referring to Daryl, I asked him about my truck, talked about Merle, no more than that. Is there a problem Beth?” The way he says it as if she’s making it all up… He’s confusing her again, making her question herself. He’s been doing this for years and she’s never given it much thought because he’s her father. What he says is supposed to be the truth. But she saw Daryl’s face and the way he acted. It wasn’t for nothing that he took off out of the house like he was being chased.

 

“I got the feeling something was wrong, he was- different.” She can’t explain it to him without explaining everything and that’s something she doesn’t have to do.

 

“And why do the actions of this man you barely know matter to you Bethy?” Barely know? She thinks of Daryl’s eyes when he watches her, his hand when he held hers after DJ gave him the note for Merle. She remembers the scars on his back and the way he held her, how she felt safe in a way she hasn’t in so long.

 

Barely. That’s no longer true. 

 

“Is there something going on that I should know about?” She doesn’t detect any kind of emotion behind the question. But she’s having a lot of her own feelings about it and all the other changes that have been happening lately.  

 

“He’s my friend, he’s,” She pushes away from the counter, puts the glasses she brought in into the sink. “You said there was an emergency? Maybe we better tend to that?”

  
  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The cab of the truck is suffocating and he’s about ready to tell his brother to pull the fuck over and let him out. So he can breathe and try not to feel everything he’s feeling in this confined space. 

 

But it’s a little like running away and he isn’t doing that anymore.

 

Except he just did, didn’t he? From Beth.

 

“Had a look in his eyes from the start. Seemed ta me he was thinkin I couldn’ do nothin’ with his truck.” Maybe it was about Beth, maybe it was the truck and maybe it was nothing but him. 

 

“Com’on little brother yer makin’ it out ta be something it ain’t.” Daryl shrugs. “Ya got feelins fer her, and I know ya do so don’ try n’ bullshit me. Ya got feelins fer Beth yer gonna have ta deal with her daddy.”

 

Nodding, he avoids looking directly at Merle. He’s very much aware of the fact that he’d eventually have to deal with Beth’s daddy. She’d said so herself when he’d asked her out on a date. He’d asked and now he’s running scared all because her old man looked at him with a critical eye.

 

“Don’t mean he’s gonna approve.”

 

“Mayhap he won’t, don’ mean that’s gonna matter one bit to her!” The fact that Merle is so frustrated is kind of comforting. He’s not laughing and teasing, he’s actually sympathizing with Daryl.

 

“Might be too late.”

 

“Fulla excuses ain’t ya? Well, I can’ change that. But I’ll tell you wha’, I ever feel like my kin is bein’ disrespected I’ma speak up! We come a long way, Daryl! Deserve a chance just like anyone else. I don’ think Hershel was doin’ nothin’. I think yer scared and doin’ like ya always do.”

 

The fact that Merle is right just pisses him off. Keeping quiet is his best bet. Leaning his head against the window he watches the blur of the woods rush by. Greens and browns blending into one another.

 

“Ya let this go, yer gonna be sorry one day.” He’s not gonna be sorry. Because he isn’t giving up yet. He just has to figure out how to tell her what he felt without sounding like a complete idiot.

 

“We goin’ home?”

 

“Yeah, we’re goin’ home.” Merle doesn’t say anything else the rest of the ride. Daryl doesn’t either if you don’t count all the voices in his head.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Pulling up to the Hutchins farm, Beth sees Maggie coming out of the barn. It must be something pretty bad if her daddy called her sister to come out too. She wants to ask, but they’ve both been pretty quiet. Besides giving her directions, her father hasn’t said a word. She never answered his question and he never asked it again. Because not answering was kind of like answering. She hadn’t denied anything.

 

Once Hershel’s out of the car, Maggie leans down and peers at her sister.

 

“It might be awhile. I’ll just bring daddy back.” Beth nods sparing the smallest of glances at her older sister. Last night seems so far away and she wants to leave it there. At least the parts where her sister and her were saying awful things to each other. Apparently, Maggie feels the same way because she gives Beth a tight smile and then there’s a whoosh of warm air and the car door slams shut.

 

Leaving them behind she heads back to the farm where she does her best to pick up where she left off.

 

She hears Nellie’s soft nicker as she heads into the shadows of the barn.

 

“Sorry girl, I was coming earlier but well there’s this guy, you met him…” Nellie has been listening to Beth for years. She’s a good listener, the best because she usually doesn’t talk back. Besides the snorts and whinnies which when Beth was younger only made it easier for her to believe that the horse could really understand her.  

 

Every heartbroken little girl needs a horse’s ear to whisper her sadness into. 

 

The woods aren’t any cooler than any other place but it always feels like the temperature drops just a little when she is finally under the cover of the trees. Riding or walking, just being out here away from everything always makes her feel better. But today it’s different, today there’s something deep inside her, a pull that’s got her heading in a direction that her heart wants to go.

 

She doesn’t lead Nellie, they just go. It’s late afternoon and the sun flashes through the trees keeping the deepest shadows at bay for now. Birds chatter back and forth like old ladies gossiping around the clothesline. Sometimes a warm breeze stirs the leaves and the grass around Nellies feet as Beth continues to whisper to the horse telling her everything. 

 

She’s paying very little attention to what’s going on around her so his voice startles her. 

 

“Talkin’ ta horses? That somethin’ ya like too?”

 

His presence doesn’t surprise her at all. Neither does the fact that he was able to sneak up on her. Not that he’s sneaking, although the thought of Daryl as the big bad wolf and herself as an unsuspecting Red does cross her mind for a second. 

 

But only for a second. Because.

 

He’s standing there in a sleeveless shirt that isn’t even buttoned, crossbow over his shoulder. The look on his face that says he’s not at all surprised to see her either, fills her with an aching need to grab a hold of him and never let go.

 

She knows that if he took off running right now she’d follow. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl came looking for her. And he found her. Going off into the woods isn’t something new. He’s been doing it since he was old enough to find his way back. Except for the one time he didn’t. He learned a big lesson that day. Pay attention.

 

This, for him, is leaving but not leaving. 

 

But he also came looking for her.

 

He heard her before he could see her, a horse's hooves on the undergrowth, the swish of its tail, creak of a leather saddle. And then her soft whispers, Beth had been talking to the horse. He’d smiled because of course, she’d do that,

 

When she was close enough there was the flash of her blonde hair through the trees, a pale leg, muscles taut against the horse's body, and the easy way she moved with the large animal as if they each anticipated the others actions.

 

Daryl knows she hasn’t spotted him and he doesn’t want to scare her, but watching her without her knowing feels a little on the creepy side. He purposely makes noise as he steps out onto the trail to give her a warning but the way she jerks her head up and widens her eyes is a dead giveaway that she didn’t hear him coming.

 

They stop and when what he said finally sinks in, she smiles. It’s just a smile but for him, it’s a pretty big deal. She’s smiling at him and she has on her cowboy boots and he thinks that he’s never really appreciated a pair of shoes. But these, he likes them, more specifically he likes them on her. 

 

The horse reins are wrapped loosely in her hand and his eye follows the leather strap down to her slender wrist wrapped in its own little bit of leather and beads.

 

He wants to touch it again. Run his finger over the pulse point underneath it. Her scar. He didn’t want to think about her enduring anything that would leave a mark. When Merle had made the comment back in the hospital he hadn’t known what he knows now and couldn’t ask then. Now he gets it and although he doesn't like it at all he can make it for her what she makes his for him. 

 

Just another part of her that makes her strong. Proof she’s been living, they both have. 

 

“Ain’t nothing wrong with talking to my horse. She’s a good listener.” He sees her cheeks flush and she lowers her head a little and peers at him through wisps of hair that hang in her face. “You were a good listener too.” He ducks his own head, suddenly self-conscious at the compliment.

 

“Wasn’ nothing,” he mumbles. 

 

“Oh, but it was.” Kicking a leg over she slides out of the saddle and walks over to him leading the horse. “Are you out here hunting?” 

 

“Nah, not really. Just out here, always bring my bow with me. In case.” Her eyes have drifted to his chest that he suddenly remembers is bare. His hands are itching to yank the shirt closed and do up the buttons, her looking even though she’s already seen hurts in a dull aching sort of way. But she’s already turned away and that flush is now a full on blush. Which is worth whatever discomfort he has to suffer.

 

“In case? You worried you might run into something out here? Tigers maybe?” she teases searching the trees for these imaginary tigers.

 

“Ain’t the tigers I’m worried ‘bout. It’s them, zombies. Ain’t ya heard the rumors girl? These woods are full of ‘em.” She’s already giggling and as dorky as he knows he sounds he keeps it up. “Seriously! Can’t be too careful.”

 

“You gonna protect me, Daryl Dixon, from these zombies?” 

 

“I won’t let nothin’ hurt ya ever.” Somehow it came out sounding husky and serious and she’s not giggling anymore. She’s watching him and he can see the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathes, standing there half in, half out of a shadow cast by a tree. He figures this is the best place to start as any so he keeps talking. 

 

“ ‘M sorry about earlier, takin’ off and stuff.” He is sorry and he wants to tell her in more than just a few simple words, but this is the only way he knows how. 

 

“Daryl, what happened? Did my daddy say something?” What did happen? He’d like to know too. Because he isn't even sure himself.

 

“No.”

 

“Then how? I don’t-” He shrugs and glances at her. “He doesn’t know anything, about us, I mean I haven’t told him anything.”

 

“Think he might know somethin’.”

 

“Daryl?” He knows isn’t making any sense and he’s as frustrated as she seems to be.

 

“Jus’ felt like he was lookin’ at me and well shit Beth ya came out on that porch smiling like ya do and I know I was starin’ and-’

 

“You think he wouldn’t approve of you, that’s what you said.” Shaking his head he tries to put it into words.

 

“Way he looked at me. Dunno, always been looked at like, like I’m not good enough, I guess. Don’ usually matter…” He leaves off unsure of how to say that it matters, this time it matters so much. 

 

The reins slip from her hand and she closes the space between them. She’s close enough that he can see the tiny wrinkle between her eyebrows.

 

“Daryl that’s not like my daddy too- He likes Merle, an awful lot and he knows, look I’m not making excuses for him… I don’t care what he thinks.” This last part comes out in a rush.

 

“I can’ come between you and yer daddy..”

 

“You giving up on me Daryl?” Jesus, she might as well reach inside him and yank his heart right out. Those tears that he sees welling up in her blue eyes are gonna kill him anyway. Shaking his head again he reaches out and takes her hand, pulls her closer.

 

“No. I ain’t. I came looking fer you. I came…”  _ I don’t want to lose you, Beth. _ Hershel Greene can look at him any way he wants too. He can not look at him at all of that’s what he chooses to do but she’s…

 

He’s not giving up on her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

His face when he says he came looking for her, the way it changes makes her forget everything she’d been telling Nellie she was going to say to Daryl once she saw him again.

 

How she’s perfectly capable of deciding what she is gonna do with her life. And that her daddy isn’t gonna choose who she spends her time with. Her father’s approval although she’d like it, isn’t necessary. And blah, blah, blah… all she can see right now is him and all she wants is what she does.

 

Stepping towards him she slides her arms around his waist and leans against his chest. His very bare, naked chest.

 

“Damn girl…” he breathes into her hair.

 

“The first time I looked at you, I never wanted to look away. And not even my daddy is gonna change that.” Is it her that’s shaking or is it him? This is the first time in a very long time that she knows what she wants and she’ll do whatever it takes to have it. To have him and keep him.

 

Beth is used to losing things. Little by little everything that was her world went away or changed until she barely recognized it. She watched it all go, screaming inside for it to stop, to wait, not to leave her behind. Maybe if she would have said something, maybe…

 

The realization dawns on her, he said he came looking for her and he said he wasn’t giving up on her. Leaning back she looks up at him and he’s blinking at her, waiting. 

 

“I- you’re not giving up on me?” 

 

“No, I toldja…” 

 

“Okay.” A breeze lifts the hair off of the back of her neck and it blows cool against the perspiration there. It chases the leaves in the trees, forces the birds roosting into flight. She feels him as he leans down his cheek brushing her temple, scratching softly and making her shiver. Cupping her chin he tilts her head up just so and before he kisses her his dark blue eyes search hers until he finds whatever it is he’s looking for. 

 

And then he kisses her. 

 

It’s hot and sweaty and her hair is in her mouth and his and she has to wipe it away with a slick palm. But it’s perfect in the way that each kiss she’s had with Daryl has been perfect. Leaning back he smiles that little half smile of his and unshoulders his crossbow, lets it slide to the ground beside them and pulls her back in his mouth searching out hers. 

 

Indifferent to the heat and the fact that her tank top is soaked between their bodies, she wraps her arms around him again holding on as he nuzzles her neck. She slides her hands up under his shirt and over his back. His muscles tense and his mouth is still on her neck as she runs fingers over the rough ridges of his scars.

 

“Daryl? Does it, I mean should I not…” She hasn’t really touched them, not like he did hers and maybe he isn’t comfortable with that, with her putting her hands on them. Moving them back to his hips she feels him tense again.

 

“No, ‘s okay, you can… No one’s ever touched ‘em, not like you…” He stops talking and they just stand there, both of them with cheeks flushed, hair sticking to their faces and it’s about as romantic as dirt. But he’s standing here looking at her and she needs to do this in a certain way. The only problem is she isn’t quite sure what that is.

 

“When you held my wrist, touched it like you did, it felt like it was more than just something terrible that I’d done.”

 

“Wasn’ terrible.” Reaching for her hand, he holds it palm up in his.

 

“Oh but it was, until, well,” laughing softly she tries to make sense of what she wants to say, “It’s like the way Carol touches DJ’s scar, like it’s there, but not there, just a part of who he is and she loves all of him, you know?” 

 

He nods but she isn’t sure he knows what she means. Not quite.

 

“You touched my scar and you made it feel like something more, like it was ok… like…” This is all wrapped up in love and that isn’t somewhere they’ve gone yet although she can’t deny that she thinks about it. The sun and the moon and what her mama told her and when Daryl touched her scar that’s how she thinks it feels, how the sun loves the moon. 

 

“Scars come from bad places, don’ mean they gotta stay bad.” 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The words are easy coming out of his mouth but they punch him in the heart when he thinks about the enormity of what he just said. He’s trying to comfort her, to sympathize with how she's feeling and in reality, it’s so much about him, how he feels about his own body and the scars that mar it. And DJ’s scar and the guilt he carries because of it.

 

There’s a bead of sweat rolling from her temple towards her cheek and he catches it with the tip of his finger, brushes it away.

 

“Kinda hurts when ya touch ‘em. ‘S a good hurt, but still…” The physical act that it took to cause those scars was done in violence and rage but it’s her small hands that threaten to break him. Because it’s impossible to equate love with the twisted mess spread across his back.

 

And everything Beth does, she does with love. The way she is with the kids, her concern for Merle and how she turns it into a joke so his brother can accept it because he too fumbles with anything that has to do with being loved. Daryl sees it in everything she does.

 

She wants to touch his back and she’s gonna do that with her kinda love too and he doesn’t know if he can handle it.

 

There’s only one way to find out.

 

“Com’ere,” he says gently sliding his hands to her elbows and holding them as she slides them around his waist and then the rest is up to her. 

 

He tries to relax. Not stand there like a fucking statue, tries to give her cues so that she knows it’s ok. He probably does a shit job of that. But she keeps her hands moving, sliding up and over the worst of them, the one that was left there by a belt buckle and a fucked up attempt at stitches. Because you can only go to the ER so many times before they start asking questions. The others from switches, fists, anything the old man could get his hands on.

 

Some of them healed flat, just a shade darker than his actual skin color. Others are raised and dark red and purple. The worst are twisted and mottled in an array of colors that represent pain. The pain is still there but it’s just a shadow.

 

Until her fingers trace the past that he won’t ever forget. 

 

It hurts. It hurts like hell but it also feels like something else is there underneath the hurting. A warmth low in his belly, stirring some else in him. Because she’s touching him in a way no one else has and it feels- amazing? Like she’s stripped him naked and taken his cock in her hands and is stroking it, not the scars on his back. Groaning, he drops his chin to his chest. 

 

“Daryl?” her voice is cautious and her touch lightens. He leans into her and kisses her and she can probably feel what’s going on, it’s obvious and he’s pressed up against her. 

 

“ ‘S okay, ‘s okay… it don’ hurt so bad. Feels ok,” he stutters and feels like an idiot. But she does move her hands. She takes his and laces their fingers together. Resting his forehead on hers he watches as she works something out in her head, he doesn’t know how he can tell that’s what she’s doing, but he can.

 

“I think they need to be touched like that. I think maybe that helps.” She still isn’t sure about it but she said it to him anyway and he nods because he thinks so too. Now. 

 

There’s a little tinkling sound, a ringing and she stiffens and turns to Nellie.

 

“That’s my phone…” he lets her go and she digs through a little pouch on the side if the bag. Pulling out her phone she takes the call.

 

Turning away he pulls out his cigarettes and lights one relishing in the feel of the smoke as it fills and empties him in one inhale. Rubbing a hand across his forehead he’s surprised to find his hair wet. Glancing over at her he realizes they’re both sweaty and look almost as bad as they had after running in that storm.

 

When she comes back over to him her face has changed. There’s a little of the tension there he’s seen before with Maggie and then with her father in the kitchen at the farm.

 

“That was my daddy, he and Maggie just got back but Maggie isn’t feeling good, he’s worried.” Biting her lip she looks at him. “I’m gonna go home and check on her, maybe take a shower,” now she's smiling,” we’re kind of a mess.”

 

He nods and for a brief second he thinks maybe the old man is making excuses, maybe he’s just trying to get Beth home with him, away from Daryl. But he doesn’t know that for sure. And he really doubts that she’ll fall for that anymore. So he'll have to let her go for now.

 

“Wanna come over later?” He can ask that. “I can come get ya or somethin’.” 

 

“Oh.. yeah, yeah I wanna come back.” It’s breathless and she’s happy, he made her happy and that makes him happy. Like a damn romance novel.

 

“Ok then.” They hold each others gaze for a minute and then she turns and heads toward Nellie. He follows because he’s learned his lesson, there’s always gonna be something before she goes. Taking a hold of her arm he turns her toward him and kisses her until she pushes away chest heaving.

 

“I gotta go and if you,” her eyes lock on his lips, “I’m not gonna be able to.” He watches her tongue as she slides it across her bottom lip. And he knows just how she feels.

 

“Alright. Lemme know if ya want me to come get ya. Cause I will.” He will. 

 

“Ok.. thank you, Daryl.” He thinks about telling her to stop, she doesn't have to thank him for every damn thing. But that’s her. That’s Beth. His girl.

 

“Go on now.” He watches as she climbs on the horse, settles, fits. She belongs there. Her hair is a halo of heat-induced frizz and her tank top is dark where it’s damp. 

 

She's the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. And she likes him. She looks over her shoulder as she goes and smiles.

 

“See you soon Daryl.”

 

_ See you soon girl. _

 

Once she’s disappeared into the trees he yanks off his shirt and grabs his crossbow. There’s no reason to stay out here any longer,  cause he found what he was looking for.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I love Daryl… I want a Daryl of my own.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Remember I said slow burn… it’s so slow even I am getting frustrated! We’ll get there. Eventually! I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday or Monday depending on where you are on the planet! Happy Earth Day!**

  
  


 

Going home and leaving Daryl behind leaves Beth feeling empty. Being with him is the only place she wants to be. She’s been thinking a lot about where this is going, where it could go. 

 

Depending on another person to determine your happiness is pathetic, but maybe just maybe sometimes it takes another person to let you see that you can be happy, that you can feel things you never dreamed you could.

 

Her daddy is in the kitchen leaning against the counter his crutch beside him. When he looks up at her she can see the worry etched across his face. This is something. Because in the car she’d thought for a minute, but only a minute that the phone call about Maggie was a way to get Beth to come home because… But he had no idea where she was or who she was with. He does know something. Daryl is right about that. Her daddy isn’t completely oblivious.

 

“Daddy?” setting her things on the counter she watches her father.

 

“She’s been vomiting, says she thinks she has the flu, but she’s having some pain in her stomach. She’s trying to hide it, how bad it’s hurting her. I’d guess it’s her appendix, but, well I didn’t ask her about the possibility of pregnancy....” He leaves off there and looks hopelessly at Beth.

 

“I’ll go check on her.” Resting her hand on his arm she gives him a small smile before heading up to Maggie’s room. 

 

Her sister is curled up on her bed, eyes closed, arms wrapped around her middle. Standing in the doorway Beth can see that she’s shivering a little. Concern isn’t something she needs to fake because regardless of everything Maggie is her sister and she loves her. That love has just become something complicated.

 

“Maggie?” Settling on the bed beside her she puts her palm on Maggie’s forehead. Her sister is burning up. 

 

“I, I don’t know. Maybe the flu. It just kinda came on out of nowhere.” Maggie says.

 

“How long?” Beth knows that if it is her appendix time is a huge factor.

 

“A couple hours maybe.” Maggie moans and curls in on herself even more.

 

“Mags- is there, could you be pregnant?” Beth asks gently. Peeking up at her from the bed Maggie shakes her head but stops and really looks at Beth.

 

“I don’t think so, I- there’s always a chance but we’re careful.” When she says ‘we’re’ Beth doesn’t have to ask. It’s Glenn. Who she knows very little about except that he makes excellent pizza and he’s always nice to her when she goes into his restaurant.

 

“I think I should take you to the ER. Something’s going on and you need to be seen.” Beth doesn’t ask and Maggie doesn’t argue. She nods and then pushing herself up with more energy than Beth figured she had she makes it into the bathroom before getting sick again. And Beth, with no time for a proper shower she hurries into her own bathroom and cleans up with a washcloth.

 

When they get downstairs and their daddy is waiting by the front door. When Beth tells him Maggie has a fever too, he’s more convinced now that it’s her appendix.

 

“Take her in and call me as soon as you know. I can get a ride in if need be.” Beth knows that he always feels like a burden. That’s why he’s staying home. His crutches and the fact that he’s a lot slower make him feel that way.

 

“You can come, daddy if you want too.” Because he really should be able to.

 

“No, you go and take her. Just let me know.” Nodding she and Maggie head out to her car.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Once they’re checked in at the ER everything goes quickly. A diagnosis is made based on the symptoms alone and Maggie’s headed for emergency surgery. But not before she gives Beth Glenn’s number and makes her promise to call him. It touches Beth’s heart the way it’s him she asks for. It tells her so much about her sister, things they haven’t talked about, because, well they don’t talk all that much.

 

“He can sit with you so you’re not alone.” Maggie is asking her to stay without saying so. And it doesn’t make Beth feel special or privileged or any more loved. She doesn’t even feel obligated. She was going to stay all along. 

 

A nurse directs her to the surgery waiting room.

 

“It’ll be about an hour and a half. The doctor will come out after the surgery to let you know how your sister is doing.” 

 

Now that Maggie’s being taken care of and Beth’s alone she lets herself feel what she felt walking into the ER. Anxiety. She’s been here. This is where they brought her that day. A doctor stitched her wrist up another doctor asked her all kinds of questions. Those memories are vague like they happened to another person in another lifetime. But she doesn’t try very hard to recall them. She’d rather not. Not now. 

 

Maggie had been there then. Right beside her the entire time. 

 

Pushing the past away she takes out her phone and makes the calls she needs to make. First, she calls Glenn who is off the phone and on his way before she’s even finished explaining what’s going on. The next call is to her daddy and she assures him that she’ll stay until Maggie is moved into a room.

 

There’s one more person she wants to talk to. 

 

Daryl. 

 

It’s been a few hours since she left him in the woods. She wanted to go back over to his place. She wanted to finish what they started in the woods. She wanted to thank him for letting her touch him, for being so brave, even though she doubts he’d see it that way. She can picture it, and it makes her smile, him shrugging like it’s nothing when in reality it’s kind of everything. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

After a shower, where he stayed longer than he normally does, thinking of Beth and her fingers on his skin, on his scars and imagining it’s her hands on his painfully hard cock as he jerks it fast and hard, bracing himself against the slick tile as he comes, his whole body shuddering, her name on his lips. 

 

After that he’s in jeans and a t-shirt, his hair still damp and he’s staring into his empty fridge. It’s not completely empty, there are a couple of bottle of beer. He really needs to run to the market so if she does come back he doesn’t look like a complete idiot. NOt that she would judge him. Because she wouldn’t. And eating with his brother and Carol every meal isn’t something he dislikes. He likes it just fine. But he wants to settle in here. In his place. 

 

Feeling his pocket for his phone he sits on the futon and flicks on the lamp. Carol brought it and a small table over. Caught him as he was coming back from the woods. She hadn’t said a word about what a sweaty mess he was. She’d just carried the things up and mentioned she didn’t need it cluttering up the garage. ‘You’ve got some things in there too. Maybe something you could use here.’ Then she’d looked around, given him a small smile and left. Merle probably told her a thing or two about their visit to Hershel's but Carol never pushed. Unless she had too. 

 

The phone he was looking for suddenly rings where it’s laying on the futon beside him. The name on the screen makes everything tense in him ease up.

 

“Hey, Beth.”

 

_ “Hi Daryl, I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner…” _

 

“Don’t gotta apologize.” Her soft laughter in his ear makes him miss her, a feeling he isn’t accustomed too.

 

_ “Knew you’d say that. My sister, she was really sick. I’m at the hospital now. She's in surgery getting her appendix out.”  _

 

Well. Maybe her dad wasn’t making excuses to get her home. And maybe he needs to not worry about that shit. She made it clear that what her daddy thinks isn’t gonna change how she feels.

 

“ ‘M sorry ta hear that. She’s gonna be okay now though?” 

 

_ “Yeah, she is. But I, I’m gonna stay here for awhile. So I probably won’t be coming over tonight.” _

 

The way she says it like the words aren’t at all ones she wants to say, makes him miss her even more. He realizes he’s nodding and she can’t see him nod. She’s on the phone for christ sake.

 

“That’s okay. Yer sister needs ya. You start yer new job tomorrow?” He feels a touch of pride that he remembered and he has a feeling that will make her happy.

 

_ “Oh yeah, I do! I’m looking forward to it!” _

 

It does.

 

“Okay then, maybe you can call or somethin’ after. Lemme know how it went.”

 

_ “Oh, okay Daryl.”  _  She pauses for a moment but he senses she isn’t done.  _ “I- I wish I was there.” _

 

“Mmmhmmm…”  _ Me too, I wish you were here too, Beth. _ Is it gonna get any easier to say these things? These words that do little to convey everything that he’s feeling. Probably not. But he’ll try.

 

_ “Well, goodnight Daryl.” _

 

“Night Beth.” He’s sure he hears a small sigh before she clicks off. He keeps the phone up next to his ear for a moment longer as if he can hold on to her that way.

 

A knock at the door catches him off guard and he drops the phone on the cushion as he stands up. How the hell did he not hear footsteps on the stairs? 

 

Beau is standing outside the door hands in his pockets looking like a mini Merle.

 

“Whatcha doin’?” he asks the little boy.

 

“Mama says ta come see if yer hungry cause it’s tacos and can I see yer house?” Beau asks peeking around Daryl. Stepping aside Daryl lets him in. He walks around looking at everything, sometimes touching. It reminds Daryl of the way Beth had looked at his place when he brought her. 

 

“Ya ain’t got a TV?” Beau asks incredulously.

 

“Nah.”

 

“Ya gonna git one? I could come watch movies with ya.” This makes Daryl grin. Him and Beau hanging out.

 

“Ya wanna do that?” he asks and Beau nods his head. “Alright. Ima look in ta that.” Beau continues his exploration.

 

“Ya ain’t got stuff either?” Beau’s craning his neck, looking into the kitchen at the table and chairs.

 

“Wha’ the hell ya mean stuff?” Daryl scratches his chin.

 

“Ya know like pictures and a book, just stuff.” Beau keeps wiping his nose which is looking a little runny.

 

“Go get a tissue.” Daryl jerks his head towards the bathroom and Beau obeys shuffles past his uncle. While he’s wiping his nose he talks to Daryl.

 

“We got a lot a stuff in the garage. I can ask mama-”

 

“Why ya so worried ‘bout my stuff?” Daryl asks as Beau comes out of the bathroom, nose clean. He looks up at his uncle with his big blue eyes. The look makes Daryl profoundly uncomfortable.

 

“Cause if ya got stuff ya won’t leave. I don’t want ya ta leave again.” The kid is being completely honest with Daryl and it hurts. The kids were so young when he left, they couldn’t have understood.

 

But he’s back. He’s here now and Beau doesn’t want him to leave. He wants him to stay long enough to have ‘stuff’.

 

“Ain’t goin’ nowhere. Les’ go eat and you can show me that stuff.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s late when Beth finally gets home. The porch light is on, but everything else is dark. Her daddy most likely went to bed once he knew Maggie was out of surgery and settled in her room. Glenn had shown up and he said he was staying until someone kicked him out.

 

It was the first time she’d really ever seen them together. And she realizes there’s so much she doesn’t know about Maggie. Glen held her sister’s hand and the smile she gave him was so genuine and so Maggie that it hurt to watch. 

 

Maggie’s in love and Beth didn’t even know it.

 

She closes the front door and locks it behind her and silently climbs the steps. Dropping her purse on her desk she undresses and pulls on a t-shirt. She didn’t realize how exhausted she was until now. And her bed looks so inviting but the afternoon in the woods and the hours perched on a waiting room chair in the hospital need to be rinsed off. 

 

After a quick shower and a towel drying that leaves her hair damp but dry enough she crawls across her bed to the pile of pillows, she has to have to sleep. Reaching over she turns off her bedside lamp and stares at the ceiling. It’s as familiar to her as the four walls around her. This used to be her sanctuary. She took comfort in its sameness. The bookcase with her collection of Little House on the Prairie books that she and her mama had read together countless times were propped up next to the poetry books and silly romance novels she’d added later. Ribbons from the fair when she was going through her ‘horses are everything’ phase and had tried to make Nellie into a show pony are pinned to her curtains. Needless to say, the red and yellow and even a couple of green participation ribbons are proof that Nellie wasn’t horse show material. But Beth had loved her ribbons anyway. Even without the coveted blue ribbon.

 

There are pictures taped to her mirror above her desk. Her mama, Nellie, her and Maggie when they learned to french braid one summer and practiced on each other. Beth prided herself on the perfect straight braids she’d woven into Maggie’s shiny hair. Her own hair was a study in how not to french braid. It had been hilarious to the girls and the picture of them laughing was that moment caught forever in a photograph.

 

The paintings on the walls of horses and a Ferris wheel were things her and her mama found in a second-hand store and she’d loved them, feeling very grown up with paintings painted by real artists hanging on her walls. Her bureau and desk are evocative of that long ago childhood. 

 

She realizes with a sudden clarity, that these four walls that used to provide Beth with something she needed no longer seem comforting. She’s ventured out into the world again and found that it’s not so bad there, it’s okay to be in it.

 

Especially because Daryl Dixon is in it too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

From the minute she walks into the library and meets a smiling woman who introduces herself as Olivia, just Olivia, the morning flys by. She reads “Brown Bear Brown Bear, What Do You See?” to a small group of younger children and their mothers. Afterward as the moms ‘oo and awe’ over the art activity the children do. And Beth realizes her fears about being looked at with a critical eye are completely unfounded. Everyone enjoyed what she did and didn’t hesitate to tell her.

 

Even Olivia, who turned out to be the Children’s Section librarian makes Beth blush with her comments.

 

“Are you a teacher during the school year?” she’d asked, completely serious. Which threw Beth for a loop because teacher? Really?

 

“No, I, I just enjoy children. I really haven’t decided on a career yet.”

 

“Well, I think you’ve found your calling!”

 

She needs to remember to thank Carol for this. It feels good to have a sense of purpose that she doesn’t get at home. One where she isn’t trying to right wrongs that really only exist in her head.

 

Before she leaves she thanks Olivia and as she walks out of the building she feels changed, stronger. She finds herself thinking more and more about a future that she isn’t afraid of.

 

She makes a quick stop at the market for a few things she needs for her next day at work. Steering her car into a parking space she hurries inside. 

 

It turns out stopping there just makes her day even better.

 

**xxxxXxxx**

 

“Uncle Daryl! I remember this! We got it at the farmer’s market!” Sophia is holding on to a woven tapestry. The boys crowd around her to see what it is. They followed him out here earlier and Carol had just shaken her shoulders when he gave her a ‘look’.

 

“They want to know who you are Daryl, you're a mystery. And they can carry everything up to your place. Free labor!” She’d handed him a carrot from the bowl she was cutting them into and smiled.

 

So here they are in the stuffy garage going through his boxes.

 

“You can hang it in yer room, by yer bed Uncle Daryl,” Beaus says as he reaches out and traces the wolf hidden in a dark forest of trees.

 

“What are ya, my decorator now?” Daryl growls but he’s got a crooked smile on his face so they know he’s just messing with them.

 

“Oh, can we?” Sophia jumps up and starts searching other boxes. Shit now what did start? 

 

“Hey, hold up now. I gotta see if I even wanna keep all this shit!” Daryl didn’t realize just how much he’d had and it surprises him and makes him feel a little sad that Merle kept it all. Just sitting here in boxes waiting for him to come back. 

 

“Is this you and daddy?” DJ holds a framed picture out towards Daryl and he doesn’t even have to look to know that it is. It’s one of the only pictures of them together when Daryl was really young. He’d been about four or five at the time so Merle had to have been around twenty.

 

“Mmmhmm.” Kneeling down next to him he watches DJ’s face as he looks at the picture.

 

“I kinda look like you,” he says, “ ‘cept ya ain’t got a scar like me.” Daryl doesn't know what to do with that because if DJ only knew.

 

“I wasn’ half as tough as you neither.” 

 

“Beau says I’m soft.” This seems to irritate DJ, Daryl can see it on the little guy's face. And he can relate.

 

“Yeah, yer daddy said that ta me too. Still does. It’s cause we’re tougher than them. Tha’s all.” 

 

“Yer still gonna teach me ta fight ain’t cha? For school starts?” DJ is watching him, waiting for an answer. How in the hell is supposed to answer that?

 

“Hey whas’ going on out here? Y’all ‘er makin’ a big ole mess or what?” Daryl stands up as DJ sets the picture back in the box. Saved by Merle but Daryl doubts the boy will let this one go. He’s going to have to deal with eventually.

 

“We’re helping Uncle Daryl. He needs stuff to decorate his place,” Sophia says trying to heft up a box full of lord knows what. Daryl reaches over and steadies it for her.

 

“Decorate? Oh yeah? Gettin’ that place all purrdied up for Beth huh?” Merle laughs.

 

“Shut up Merle.” Daryl mumbles.

 

“When’s Beth coming to yer house? She can watch movies with us!” Beau’s discovered a stash of old biker magazines and Daryl snatches them out of his hands. They aren’t dirty magazines but there’s always a few topless women in them.

 

“Yer uncle and I gotta go see Mr. Hershel, get his truck and bring it back. Git them boxes or whatever ya got moved so’s we can take off,” Merle says and with Daryl directing them, they manage to get a bookshelf and a couple of boxes up the stairs and into his living room before they load up in Merle’s truck to head over to the Greene farm.

 

Daryl chews on his nail the entire drive there and he’s glad Merle made the boys stay home and help Carol. He’s not necessarily worried about going to the farm. It’s just uncomfortable. And Beth won’t be there so he doesn’t even have that to look forward too.

 

“Y’all right?” Merle asks and Daryl straightens in the seat and nods. He’s fine. He can do this because it doesn’t matter what the old man thinks. That’s what he tells himself anyway.

 

Turns out it wasn’t such a big deal although Hershel did mention Beth and her first day on the job and something about how Daryl probably already knew that. Merle winked at him as they followed Hershel into the shop where the pick up was parked. The parts were in the back and Hershel had given Daryl an appraising look.

 

“I appreciate this. Take your time. However I am getting fitted for my new leg on Friday and getting behind the wheel is, well I want to drive again.” Daryl nodded, looked down at his hands clasped in front of him. Looking back up at him he says,

 

“I’ll have it back here before ya get home.” And he will.

 

They get back to the house and Daryl parks the pick-up in the garage. Carol and the kids are gone. Grocery shopping or something and this reminds Daryl that he needs to grab a few things too. In case.

 

So that’s how he ends up walking into the little market in town just as Beth is walking out.

 

“Daryl! Hi…” She’s smiling of course, but there’s something more, something else. She looks different.

 

“Hey, Beth.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. Being here in in the market with her is throwing him off. Maybe that’s what’s different. He’s coming and she’s going. Maybe he could just leave with her, come back later. He’ll go wherever she’s going.

 

“I had to grab a few things. You?” she asks.

 

“Yeah me too. Went by the farm and got yer dad’s pick-up.”

 

“Oh? I‘m heading there now, I have to bring him back into town. He’s doing a procedure on a cat at the office today.” Okay, maybe he can’t just go with her. She looks so pretty, kinda dressed up and he remembers the job. First day.

 

“How was yer first day?” Her face lights up then and he realizes this is the change. The job.

 

“Oh! Daryl it was, it was perfect. It was, well, it was good.”  _ And good for you,  _ he thinks. 

 

“Thas’ great Beth. Knew you’d be good at it.” Now, what can he say, to keep her here talking in the doorway of the market? 

 

“Yeah. I guess I did okay. I, um maybe I can call you later or something?”

 

“Yeah, you can.” He watches her bite her lip and it almost looks like she wants to say something else or do something, he can’t be sure. He knows what he wants to do. He knows what her face feels like against his hand, his lips, his chest. 

 

“K, well I’ll let you finish. I’ll talk to you later.” She turns and walks out and he’s torn. How do they do this? And exactly what is it? Aren’t they at the point where they’ve established that they are something? Fuck.

 

Turning, he heads into the store where fans stir stale air that smells like produce and meat. Grabbing a basket he mindlessly fills it with the basics, bread, eggs, cheese, because he likes cheese. Beer and milk and a few other things before he waits at the check out for a harried looking woman who is probably close to his age ring him up.

 

“That’ll be $25.80.” Taking his cash she hands him his change and bags his items. “Have a nice day,” she says. He was having a nice day, or at least a nice few minutes until Beth left.

 

Back out in the heat, he shoves the groceries in the saddlebags on his bike.

 

“Daryl?” Her voice is soft and sweet directly behind him. When he turns to look at her she grabs his hand and pulls him into an alley. The alley between the market and the hardware store. He’s been here, but that was a different time, a different world really because in that world he was never holding the hand of a beautiful girl as she laughs breathlessly and pulls him into the shadows.

 

“Beth what are ya-”

 

“I wanted to kiss you, I wanted-” He doesn’t make her wait, leans in and takes her face in his hands and opens his mouth against hers.

 

“Girl, ya read my mind,” he breathes against her lips and she whines softly pulling him until her back’s against the brick wall of the store and he’s pressed up against her. She nips at his bottom lip and he groans because it’s good, it’s so good.

 

“So it’s ok then that I…” She’s leaving a warm little trail of kisses down his jaw and her lips are on his neck and she’s never done that and it’s- too good. At least for right here where they are. In an alley. But he can’t stop, doesn’t want to. Her mouth finds his again and he presses her back against the wall, kisses her hard enough to take her breath away. And then forces himself to slow down.

 

Pulling gently away he looks into her face and it’s flushed and her lips are swollen and she’s his, all his and he wants her to know that, to know he knows it too.

 

“ ‘S more than okay. ‘M all yers Beth can kiss me whenever ya want.. it’s jus’, here…” Waving his hand he sees the smile and can’t help but lean in and kiss her again. Quick and light before stepping away and taking her hand.

 

“I know, I just, I wanted to…”

 

“Ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout sayin’ sorry!” He gives her what he hopes is his best glare, although it’s hard. She makes everything in him soft, well almost everything. 

 

“I’m not!” They stop beside her car and she runs a finger down his chest. “I’m glad I saw you. I, it’s silly but I miss you.” She said it in an offhand way on the phone too and he doesn't get it, not one bit but he’ll take it. Because he missed her too. The difference is he didn’t say it. Not then.

 

“Miss you too,” he mumbles, hoping he doesn’t sound like an idiot, that she can hear how much he means it. “Maybe we can go do something tomorrow?“ He reaches down and opens her car door for her. 

 

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll talk to you later okay?”

 

Not goodbye. Nope, not ever goodbye.

 

“And Daryl?” He looks down at her and she’s squinting up at him, the sun shining full on her face. “I’m all yours too.” Closing the door she drives away and he figures if his milk is curdled and his cheese is melted, it was worth it.

  
  


****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A couple of things, first Beau wasn’t supposed to have much to do in this chapter. Beau decided he wanted to have a bigger part! His character, as well as DJ kind of write their own story and I, feel compelled to share it! I’m sure you have all already figured out that the boys represent what I think Merle and Daryl would have been like as little boys raised by a loving parent. Second, Beth, her dad and sister, and brother do have a fierce love for one another, but they’ve all made mistakes and they’re working through them. Just know that. Thank you again for all the love! I have the next chapter pretty much written and I think it’s my fave so far!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this chapter didn’t turn out exactly as I had planned. Because it got too long! It’s mainly Daryl’s POV and moves his part of the story along. Beth’s part will come next and I have a feeling it will take up most of that chapter. So as always thank you so much for reading favoriting and reviewing!**

 

Daryl’s been struggling with the gas pedal on Hershel’s pick up all morning. It probably has more to do with where his head is than his abilities.

 

“Fuck!” he hisses sucking his thumb into his mouth trying to soothe the pinched digit.

 

“You okay?” Carol’s voice pulls him out of his moment of self-pity. He should’ve been paying closer attention to the task at hand, but his mind is back in that alley by the market, Beth’s body soft and yielding between him and the brick wall. He keeps getting lost in there and the memory of her mouth. Try as he might (which he isn’t trying very hard) he can’t stop thinking about her.

 

“Yeah, things a bitch,” he grumbles as he unfolds his body from the cab and stands, stretching until he hears a distinct pop.

 

“Take on more than you can handle?” Carol asks and it’s an innocent question, but he throws her a pointed look. “Just asking!” she says.

 

“I’ll get it.” Pulling out his cigarettes he steps out of the garage. It’s as good a time as any to take a break.

 

“Hey I have to take Merle into his first follow-up and the boys don’t want to go. They hate that drive and having to sit still in the doctor's office. How would you feel about them staying here with you?” He doesn’t have to say yes, he can tell just by the way she’s asking. But he won’t. It might be kinda cool being the babysitting uncle. Although it would be even cooler if their regular babysitter was coming over. Clearing his throat and forcing himself to focus on Carol he says,

 

“Yeah, that’s alright.” Taking a deep drag he blows out the smoke and glances at Carol. “How come they ain’t ever playing with friends?” 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I was jus’ wondering. Sophia is always going off ta a friends house-” He sees how Carol’s demeanor changes. It’s minuscule, but it’s there. 

 

“There was some trouble last year at school.” She shrugs as if it’s nothing. But it’s something. Obviously.

 

“What kinda trouble?”

 

“Oh some of the bigger boys, they were teasing DJ-” 

 

“His scar?” Daryl asks hoarsely. Carol nods and he can see how it hurts her. 

 

“Beau got in a couple of fights over it and well you know how it goes in a small town.” He does. He knows very well. This doesn’t do anything to ease the ache in his gut though. 

 

“They got each other. They’re brothers and best friends.” Carol laughs gently. She’s a strong woman but her boys, her family, they’re her weakness. Although not all weaknesses are bad.

 

“Ain’t right, them kids are assholes.” It’s more than that though. DJ shouldn’t even have that damn scar and Beau shouldn’t have to defend his brother with his fists.

 

“Hey, why y’all lookin so down in the mouth?” Merle comes up to them smiling and slides an arm around Carol’s waist.

 

“Just thinking about how I am gonna have to deal with your backseat driving all the way to Atlanta,” Carol says, but she’s smiling.

 

“Is that so? Thought the boys was gonna stay with Uncle Daryl here so’s I could make the ride interestin’?” Merle waggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly and Carol laughs like he said the funniest thing ever.

 

“Com’on now! Go, just go. I got the boys.” Putting his cigarette out he heads back into the garage leaving before he hears more than he needs too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s just about finished the entire modification when he hears it. One of the boys is screaming. They’d headed down to the pond earlier to fish and Daryl had been planning on joining them when he got a few more things done.

 

Bolting out around the shop he sees Beau coming through the trees. He’s not really running, just kind of hurrying along pausing every few steps to look back over his shoulder.

 

“Uncle Daryl!” He starts running when he sees Daryl. A few seconds later DJ comes from the same direction, hand up against his face, covering his scar and there’s blood dripping from in between his fingers. Not a lot, but enough.

 

Daryl’s breath catches in his throat and he falters for a fraction of a second letting what he’s seeing sink in. As his feet carry him over the ground toward his nephew he’s pulled into a flashback 5 years or so in the past, there was screaming then too, and DJ, and all that blood, and a baby he should’ve protected.

 

He can do that now. Can’t he?

 

“I didn’t mean ta, it was an accident!” Beau’s blubbering now, snot all over his face, cheeks red.

 

DJ, however, is calmly looking at Daryl. Not really looking, more like watching his uncle.

 

“It was the fish hook,” he says quietly. Daryl forces himself to his knees beside the little boy, peers at the small, grubby, hand covering his face and takes a deep breath.

 

“Lemme see,”  _ No! I don’ wanna see, go find yer mama, yer daddy, anyone else, don’ make me… _ But he asked so DJ moves his hand disturbing the little rivulets of blood between his fingers. Daryl looks and what he sees is that it’s just a nick. A tiny nick, on the temple where the skin starts gathering into the scar.

 

He feels Beau move in beside him, sniffling.

 

“ ‘M sorry, ‘m sorry DJ,” he implores his brother.

 

“Ain’t yer fault, com’on now les’ get ya fixed up little D, ain’t bad.” Pulling his bandana from his pocket he folds it up and hands it to DJ. Then he takes DJ’s hand and Beau’s and walks them back towards the house.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beau seems to find his confidence again and takes charge. Maybe it’s the safety of the house or that he’s had time to calm down. Whatever it is Daryl is grateful.

 

“I’ll get ya the first aid kit Uncle Daryl,” he says running off down the hallway.

 

Daryl and DJ stand facing one another. DJ, still strangely calm, is holding Daryl’s bandana up to his face. It’s probably stopped bleeding but Daryl doesn’t move take it. He knows what’s coming and he’s terrified.

 

He knows he needs to clean off DJ’s face, check the cut a little better. And he’s going to have to touch it.

 

He’s never touched DJ’s scar. Never had a reason too. He’s touched Beth’s, and it only felt heavy in the way that scars do. He cares about her and thinking about the desperation she felt when she did what she did hurts in a way he’s still trying to understand. He’s touched his own scars obviously. They’re familiar though. Like the dull ache of a broken bone that never healed correctly. But he’s used to them. They’ve been there in one way or another for most of his life.

 

But DJ’s…

 

Beau stars talking and his chatter is distracting in a good way because silence right now, with what he’s doing, would suffocate him.

 

Maybe.

 

Daryl glances at the first aid kit and reaches over it and picks up the wad of wet paper towels. He kneels again by DJ. He’s holding out his small hand where Daryl’s bandana rests, wet from the blood.

 

Head wounds bleed a lot. Even tiny little nicks.

 

Daryl wipes the blood away that’s run down DJ’s cheek and smeared in his hairline. He wipes a couple of spots on his chin. Everywhere, anywhere but the blood that runs along the scar, flaking as it starts to dry there.

 

He’s been avoiding looking DJ in the eye but he does now and maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe that was a big fucking mistake. DJ trusts him, he sees that and it hurts. His hand is shaking as he raises it and very gently in a couple of strokes, the damp paper towel erases the blood. 

 

Beau digs in the first aid kit, searching and when he finds it he holds up a tube of antibiotic cream and hands it to Daryl.

 

“I ain’t supposed ta cast over my shoulder,” Beau says watching closely as Daryl squeezes a drop of antibiotic on to his finger. Then he freezes, finger hovering in the air.

 

“Jus’ gotta dab it on-” Beaus explains over Daryl’s shoulder.

 

“Mmmhmm.” Daryl lays his hand on the crown on DJ’s head, his fingers ruffling the sandy hair. He does just like Beau said and dabs the cream on the minuscule cut. He doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until he releases it when his finger brushes the edge of the scar.

 

“It doesn’t hurt. It’s okay.” DJ says softly. Boy must be thinking Daryl’s afraid of hurting him. But it’s so much more than that.

 

“Gimme a band-aid,” Daryl says hoarsely and he hears Beau rummage around in the kit again and then the tear of paper. He takes the bandage and presses it to DJ’s temple, smoothing the sticky edges. He let’s, no forces his finger to keep going and run the length of the scar. Everything in him knotting up tight. DJ’s gaze is heavy, so heavy and it’s got a hold of him like a vice.

 

“ ‘S all good little D.” His voice tremors a little, just a bit and maybe DJ didn’t even hear it.

 

“I’m hungry, think we can eat somethin’?” Beau's voice breaks the spell, eases the tension and Daryl lets his hands fall to his sides.

 

“Thought ya wanted to go fishin?” Daryl asks busying himself with putting away the first aid kit. 

 

“I don’ wanna no more.” Beaus face clouds and Daryl imagines the fun of fishing had waned and rightly so.

 

“I’m hungry too.” Daryl notices DJ’s moved away, far away from Daryl to the other side of the dining room. It's okay. The distance is good. For now. He doesn’t let himself think about the why.

 

He makes pb&j’s, puts on a movie and sits on the end of the couch chewing on his thumbnail. His leg is bouncing and he’s trying to keep it still, but it’s bouncing with a nervous energy that’s thrumming through his body. 

 

Before long the novelty of the movie wears off and the boys wander outside. Daryl follows them out but crosses the grass leaving them to kick a soccer ball half-heartedly in the afternoon heat. Beau’s talking to his brother in hushed tones and it reminds Daryl of their baby language, the way they’d babble to one another in complete understanding. 

 

He hopes whatever Beau is saying comforts DJ. Cause he sure the fuck hadn’t.

 

He spends the rest of the afternoon in the garage double checking his work on the truck, straightening up the tools and pacing. Back and forth. Occasionally he glances over at the boys who haven’t left the grass and once or twice he catches Beau looking back at him.

 

Eventually, the hose comes out and Daryl realizes he hasn’t said a word to them since he made lunch. Some fucking uncle he is! He watches them as they try to stand under the fall of water from the hose Beau holds over their heads.

 

“Where’s that slip n’ slide? Could get it out.” Daryl says as he walks up.

 

“Yeah?” Beau smiles and his goofy missing tooth grin eases the tightness in Daryl’s chest.

 

“Yeah.” DJ comes over to him his palm up and Daryl sees the wet band-aid lying on it.

 

“It came off.” Daryl's eyes flick to the tiny cut and he avoids looking too hard and letting his eyes linger too long. 

 

“Don’ matter. It’s good now, yeah?” Daryl asks and DJ nods turning to chase after his brother.

 

Is it good though? Cause it feels like a whole lot of something has squeezed its way in between him and his nephew. And it doesn’t feel good at all. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The physical exhaustion she’s feeling right now is welcome. Tossing her dirty clothing into her hamper she steps into the warm spray of the shower. 

 

When she isn’t working at the library she’s been trying to cover for Maggie. At least when her dad needs her. She can only do so much though. She’s basically been driving him to different appointments, carrying anything he can’t, cleaning up and chasing after or helping hold onto his unruly patients.

 

But it’s distracting. And she needs a distraction. She hasn’t seen or talked to Daryl since the market where she practically dragged the poor guy into the alley and did what she wanted too, acted on impulse without even thinking about how Daryl would feel.

 

But he kissed her back, kissed her first actually. He’d wanted it too. He even said that he missed her.

 

So why isn’t he answering calls or responding to her texts? They’d talked about getting together but if she can’t even get in touch with him…

 

She tells herself he’s busy, working on her daddy’s truck, taking care of other things he and Merle have going on. And he definitely doesn’t seem like the type of guy to be attached to his phone.

 

Or maybe she pushed him just a little too far? 

 

Rinsing the conditioner from her hair she realizes that once again she's overthinking the whole thing. Making too much of it, which she often does. After she dries off and slips into her sleep clothes, she wanders downstairs to get something to eat.

 

Maggie's home. She has been for a couple of days. Glenn’s also been here most of that time too. She can hear them now, talking and laughing quietly in the living room. Lingering at the bottom of the staircase, she can’t make out what they’re saying, she doesn’t want to. It makes her lonely, listening and knowing what it feels like to have the one person you want sitting beside you, maybe talking, maybe not, but there.

 

All of a sudden she isn’t hungry. Her stomach hurts as she tries to swallow the lump in her throat. Heading back up to her room, she sticks closely to the side of the stairs that don’t creak when stepped on. The last thing she wants is for them to hear her, to call her back, to have to sit there and wish she was somewhere else. Not anywhere, but somewhere.

 

Maybe he’ll call tomorrow.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Carol and Merle come around the side of the house not long after the boys finish setting up the slip n slide. Daryl heard the car and moved back into the shade of the garage. He watched as the boys greeted them at the back door and Daryl can tell by Beau’s animated explanation that the boy is telling them what happened. Carol checks out DJ’s face then shoos them both off to clean up.

 

Merle joins him by the shop, eyeing his cigarette.

 

“Fuckin’ doc doesn’t want me going back ta those,” Merle says a small frown on his face.

 

“Ya gonna listen?” Daryl hopes he will but doubts it’ll happen. Merle’s half-hearted shrug seems to confirm that. “Everything check out ok?” 

 

“Yeah, just gotta take it easy for another 4 weeks is all.” Daryl detects the sarcasm in his voice. Sitting still isn’t something Merle is good at. Carol joins them, her eyes on Daryl as she walks up. He looks away. At the trees, the ground, anywhere but at here directly.

 

“Had a little excitement?” she asks. Shrugging he shoots her quick glance before dropping his head and staring at the concrete.

 

“Wha’ happened?” Merle asks.

 

“Beau cast his line over his shoulder and caught his hook in DJ’s cheek,” Carol says. There isn’t much feeling in it except maybe a mild irritation. Beau had said he’s not supposed to do it so maybe this isn’t a new thing.

 

“I told that boy he wasn’ ready fer that! Member my damn elbow?! Beau?” Merle heads over to the boys leaving Daryl and Carol beside the shop.

 

“He hooked Merle too. Sliced his elbow real good.” Carol says shaking her head. Daryl nods.

 

“ ‘M gonna go take a shower,” he says turning and walking away.

 

“Daryl?” He stops when she says his name but doesn’t face her. Waits. 

 

“Thanks for watching them.” Nodding again and letting himself breath he keeps walking until he’s in his apartment with the door closed. It’s stuffy and smells like cardboard and he doesn’t see anything when he starts kicking because his vision is blurred by everything he’s been holding in. He kicks at the boxes the kids brought up from the garage, kicks over the bookcase and since it’s not as yielding as the cardboard he kicks it again. And again. Until he hears the wood splinter. Picking it up he holds it unsure really of what comes next. Does he throw it? Put a hole in the wall? Rip it apart with his bare hands? Letting it drop he stumbles over the pieces as he heads to the kitchen. 

 

In the cupboard above the stove, he finds what he wants. It’s five years older but whiskey is supposed to get better with age isn’t it? Not even bothering with a cup because why would he? He unscrews the cap and takes a big, long drink and the way it burns as it travels from mouth to stomach is like a balm to his soul. Pretty pathetic. 

 

How he ever thought this was going to work is beyond him. Why he even imagined he could fix this has him tipping the bottle up again and wondering just what the fuck is wrong with him? He was supposed to come back and make this work. 

 

But it hurts. And he should just be able to let it go. No one is blaming him, they never have. It’s just been him, all him and the way he can bring himself to that place that’s so familiar. Not good enough, just a piece of shit.

 

_ Boy yer fuckin worthless ya know that? Yer mama shoulda took ya with her! Get the fuck outta my sight ya hear?  _

 

_ Didn’t matter that he was bleeding again, didn’t matter that it was after midnight in the middle of February. Daryl had fucked up, pissed off his dad. But he’d had to pee, thought for sure Will Dixon was passed out for the night. _

 

_ He wasn’t. _

 

He never figured out what it was he’d done. Even all these years later he had no clue. He was just alive and that infuriated his dad.

 

_ Too fuckin worthless to grab that baby boy- _

 

“NO!” His voice surprises him, even more than the bottle that bounces off the wall without shattering until it hits the floor. What doesn’t surprise him is the sharp knock on the door and Carol coming through it before he has a chance to answer.

 

She glances at the dented boxes, the broken bookcase as she makes her way to the kitchen. Her eyes linger for a second on the brown liquid trickling down the wall and the glass, all the glass spread out on the floor. 

 

“I left my child back there trying to figure out what it is he did to make you mad. Why you have barely spoken to him, to both of them. Why your hands shook when you took care of his face? Why you’re afraid of him?” She’s got her arms wrapped around her and her eyes although a steely blue hold a hurt he saw a glimpse of earlier. When she told him why DJ and Beau play alone.

 

“I ain’t afraid of him. Ain’t like that, it was jus’ hard an he doesn't understand…”

 

“Then you’re going to make him. I told you, Daryl, you aren’t gonna break his heart. And you need to stop letting him break yours! You didn’t put that scar on his face, you didn’t hurt him, it was an accident. What you’re doing now-now you’re making him feel bad and you better fix it cause he isn’t listening to me!” Before she turns away he sees the tears but he also feels relief.

 

He knows what he has to do.

 

“And clean this place up. Hang that fucking tapestry up for Beau.” Slamming the door behind her he hears her footsteps on the stairs and even though he wants to cry he wants to smile too, maybe even laugh. Cause hell he’s crazy. He has to be.

 

And then he waits.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It doesn’t take long. He didn’t think it would. He knows the boy is climbing the stairs but unlike his mama and his brother he is careful about it. Like he’s thinking, paying attention. It’s still the loudest thing in Daryl’s head.

 

Daryl cleaned up the glass and the spilled whiskey. He couldn’t do much with the bookcase and the boxes so he just pushed them aside. 

 

When he opens the door DJ is standing there holding something in his hands. 

 

“Hey, little D.” Moving aside he makes room for DJ to come in.

 

“I brought a book, ‘s about birds… how come your bookcase is broken?” Daryl didn’t really think that would go unnoticed. But he hoped.

 

“Com’on.” Closing the door he lays a hand on DJ’s shoulder steering him to the futon. DJ sits, the book balanced on his lap.

 

“Dija break it?” Daryl nods sitting down next to him.

 

“I was mad.” Honesty is sometimes the easiest route and he thinks that’s what he’s avoided this whole time. 

 

“Are ya mad at me Uncle Daryl?” This time his voice is softer, more like the little boy he is.

 

“No, I ain’t never been mad at you little D, been mad at myself but never you or Beau.”

 

“Oh, yer mad cause I got this scar huh? I get mad too sometimes. Like when those boys tease me. It makes me mad then I cry… and I look like a sissy.” He says it so matter of fact and Daryl can totally relate to it. Just in a different way.

 

“Ya ain’t a sissy.” He wants to tell DJ it doesn’t matter what those boys think, he’s better than them. But even though it’s true it won’t help right now. He won’t really understand that.

 

“I look different, and ‘s ugly. I know ya didn’t want to touch it…” His hands were shaking and DJ saw that Carol told him. The fact that DJ thought his trepidation was disgust sickens him. He’s gotta make this right.

 

“Ain’t like that little D, it ain’t… “ Reaching over the back over the back of the futon to one of the cardboard boxes, Daryl grabs the framed photo. Which thankfully was not broken during his little outburst. “Ya look like me, member ya said that?” DJ nods. “But ya said I ain’t got a scar like you do.” DJ nods again his eyes searching Daryl’s face like maybe he missed something. 

 

Lying the picture on the couch Daryl stands up. Looking down at his nephew he hopes to hell this is the best way to go. Hell, he doesn’t even know how much the boys know about his and Merle’s daddy, their grandfather. But Carol told him to make DJ understand.

 

So.

 

Yanking his t-shirt over his head he turns so DJ can see his back. All the scars, stripes crisscrossing his back.

 

“My dad, yer dad’s dad, he was a mean man. He… he did this, gave me these. Made me feel like somethin’ was wrong with me, always had ta hide ‘em. I’s ashamed of ‘em.” Peeking over his shoulder he sees DJ looking, his brow furrowed.

 

“That was our grandpa, daddy told us he was a bad man.” Thinking for a minute he shakes his head looking older than his eight years. “Yer daddy shouldn’ a hurt ya-”

 

“Nah, shouldn’ a and I shouldn’ a let ya fall and get that scar on yer face, an the kids pick on ya- hell DJ I know it ain’t my fault, was an accident. But yer my nephew, and I love ya and I just get mad and wish I could fix it.” There. He’d said it all in a way he hoped was enough and not too much because trying to work it out in his own head is like trying to put together a puzzle with one missing piece. 

 

“Ya got a lot a scars, looks like you was in a battle!” Well, that’s a first. Besides Beth, no one’s ever looked at his scars and seen something besides the ugliness. But then he has never really shown them to anyone else. Pulling his shirt back over his head he sits down beside DJ.

 

“I got scars too, jus’ like you little D, and I hate ‘em and I don’t like people looking at ‘em or touching ‘em. That’s why I was, ya know, feeling bad about cleaning up yer face.” DJ is nodding. 

 

“Mama says when I get older I can get some kinda surgery and it might make the scar go away some, I don’t know. Doesn't hurt when she touches it. Didn’t hurt when you touched it either.” He shrugs and looks down at the book before raising his eyes to Daryl again. “I like yer tattoos. I’m gonna get lots when I grow up!” He’s smiling up at Daryl with that familiar crooked smile and it blows Daryl’s mind that it was really as simple as it was to ‘fix’ it like Carol asked him too. All DJ needs is for Daryl to love his scars like his mama does. 

 

Daryl’s gonna try really hard to do that.

 

“Lemme see that book.” DJ hands it to him and it’s some kind of bird watching guide for Georgia. He looks over at DJ for a minute before flipping through the book.

 

“Ya like birds right?” Beth likes birds. He appreciates birds, always liked hearing the owls in the woods at night. 

 

“Birds are cool,” Daryl says.

 

“I brought it fer yer bookshelf, but-” DJ says.

 

“I know, I broke it. Pretty dumb huh? Maybe you can help me try and fix it.” Daryl closes the book.

 

“Ok.”

 

“I think ya better head back, get ready fer bed or somethin’.” Daryl stands up and looks again at the ruins of the bookshelf. It might be salvageable. 

 

“Uncle Daryl?” DJ is standing now and he’s looking up at Daryl. “I think yer tough too, we both got scars and I don’ care about them dumb boys at school. I ain’t gonna let ‘em make me cry no more.”

 

“Good. I can teach how ta defend yerself little D, but ya ain’t goin’ looking fer a fight okay? Tough guys don’ do that.” DJ nods solemnly and then he kind of flings himself at Daryl wrapping his arms around his waist.

 

“I love ya, Uncle Daryl,” he says in a hushed voice. Daryl was doing good, doing perfectly fine this whole entire time until… this. 

 

_ Loving people hurts. _

 

And he’s learning. Beth said that and she touched his scars and the past is never going to change but it doesn’t have to ruin what’s here now, what he has and can have. 

 

Resting his hand on DJ’s head he lets it slide over the side of his face, right over his scar and he leaves it there.

 

“I love ya too kid.”

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Huge progress! I have received a couple of reviews as well as pm’s from readers thanking me for this story and how it relates to something personal in their own lives. And I can’t even begin to tell you all how that feels! Because I know. There are few fics out there that have a had a profound effect on my life and it felt so crazy to pm an author and tell them so, but I did it and now being on the receiving end of those messages, I am glad I did it. Words are so powerful, no matter where they come from. If they touch you and change you or somehow give you something you need I believe that’s a gift. I appreciate knowing that I have been able to return the favor for some of my readers! Love you all!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Daryl spent some time dealing with his demons in the last chapter and now it’s Beth’s turn. Thank you, guys… for reading and reviewing! To all the guests (who I can’t respond to..) thank you for your kind words!! Okay.. I hope you like it. ;)**

****  
  


Daryl’s in the garage on his second cup of coffee, trying to wake up. Merle pounded up his stairs at the crack of dawn and practically beat down the door which was consequently unlocked. He was ranting about Daryl not answering his phone and telling him to get his ass outta bed.  Abraham had called with an emergency with another one of his work trucks and was willing to pay double if Daryl could look at ASAP.

 

Normally Daryl would already be up and around but yesterday had been a fucking hard day. Last night talking to DJ, that had done it for him. He’d been exhausted when he fell into bed. Without his phone which he’s misplaced and is about ready to pay the boys to search his place for it.

 

A large white truck rounds the house and Daryl motions, Abe, to pull it into the garage. Climbing out of the cab, Abraham shakes Daryl’s hand.

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s the alternator. Battery can’t keep a charge and it ain’t more than a year old, the battery that is.” 

 

“Mmmhmm.” Daryl already pulled out a diagnostic scanner and he steps around Abe to plug it in under the dash. He pops the hood and eyes the battery connectors.

 

“Hey, I wanted to run something by you. I got a customer wanting concrete countertops in her kitchen as well as a concrete floor. I have zero experience with that type or work, but you, I saw what you did in your place. Interested in a side job? Won’t take you away from your brother. At least not yet.” The way his mustache bounces around mesmerizes and annoys Daryl. 

 

“I ain’t got a license or anythin’.” Daryl eyes the codes on the screen of the scanner. He’d very much like a side job, but he thinks playing it cool is his best bet. And like he told the man he doesn’t have a license or anything. 

 

“I think I can cover that. Think it over.” Abe eyes the scanner he’s holding. “What’s the damage?”

 

“ ‘S the alternator,” Daryl says.

 

“Bitch nuts!” Abraham grunts and behind him Beau starts cracking up. Abraham whirls around and sees the boys giggling up a storm. “Well shit, I didn’t know I had an underage audience!”

 

“Get in the garage Beau, go sweep ‘er somethin’. I ain’t paying ya till ya work.” Daryl had agreed to let Beau help for some extra spending money. He’s decided he needs a crossbow like his uncle and Daryl can’t help but feel a bit of pride in the fact that the kid wants to learn to use a bow.

 

Turning back to Abraham he nods at him and shows him the scanner. 

 

“Gimme a day. I can do it. An let me think on the other.” A huge smile graces Abe’s face and he salutes Daryl then heads off down the drive.

 

“Sure thing, I got my guy waiting out here just gimme a call!” Saluting Daryl again he disappears around the house.

 

“Fuckin’ weirdo,” Daryl mumbles. DJ is lingering by the garage watching Beau sweep. “Wanna make five bucks?” Daryl asks him.

 

“Yeah!” He smiles and Daryl sees a big gap in his mouth where just last night a pearly white tooth had been.

 

“You lose a tooth too?” Daryl asks. DJ nods sliding his tongue in the vacant spot. Shaking his head Daryl waves towards the stairs. “I can’t find my phone, ya find it I’ll give ya that five bucks.” 

 

“Really? That’s all I gotta do?” The little boy is gone before Daryl says another word.

 

“Ya figure out what the problem is?” Merle asks walking up to the truck.

 

“Alternator. Gonna have to go get one.” 

 

“That’s a bitch. Alright. Gonna have to bring the boys, Carol and Sofia are going shopping,” Merle says. Daryl could go by himself. But he and Merle always use to do these trips together and now having the boys along makes it better in a way he never thought it could be.

 

DJ comes racing down the stairs Daryl’s phone in his hand.

 

“Found it!” he says. Daryl takes it and looks at him. “I knew where it was. I saw it under yer couch last night.” Fishing out a five dollar bill he hands it to a smiling DJ. 

 

Hitting the home button Daryl sees the notifications for a couple of missed calls and 2 texts from Beth.

 

Fuck. With everything that had happened, he’d never called her or even saw that she’d been trying to get a hold of him. 

 

“C’mon boys, gotta go over ta Newnan to the auto parts store,” Merle says and while he’s dealing with the boys Daryl opens the text messages.

 

_ ‘Hey, just wanted to say hi…’ _

 

_ ‘Hope everything is ok..  ‘ _

 

Clicking out of his messages Daryl finds Beth’s name and is about to press call when he realizes it’s Friday and she’s at the library. Damn. Feeling like a complete prick he figures he can call her right at noon when she’s off. He was dealing with a bunch of shit but it would have been nice to hear her voice last night. 

 

Hell if he’s being honest it would be nice to hear her voice anytime. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth smiles as she watches her nieces on the rug. They’re putting together a puzzle and Abbi is helping Claire, guiding her little hand as they fit the pieces in place. They’d come into the library on Wednesday to drop off a book. Story hour had just ended and Beth was cleaning up when the girls spotted her. Running as fast as they could, they’d climbed into her lap overjoyed to see their aunt.

 

They’re back today and Beth thinks that this day might even be better than her first.

 

“Hi, Beth.”

 

“Amy, hi.” Beth stands and smiles tentatively at her sister in law. On Wednesday Amy hadn’t said anything to her. But she’d smiled and waited while the girls gave her hugs and kisses, asking question after question Until their mom told them they needed to go, they had things to do but Beth heard her promise them they’d be back on Friday for story hour and wouldn’t it be so fun hearing auntie Beth tell them a story.

 

She’d forgotten, with everything on her mind that morning that the girls were coming today so when they’d come in and joined the little group, choosing to sit right up front, it had made her day. Nothing else mattered right then except the fact that they were there.

 

“I didn’t realize you were working here,” Amy says.

 

“I just started this week.” It’s strange standing here talking to Amy because they’ve barely spoken more than a couple of words to one another. 

 

“We come every Friday, but I had to drop off books the other day… the girls were so excited to see you, it’s all they’ve talked about. Well, Abbi anyway. Claire just kept saying ‘b’, ‘b’.”

 

‘B’. That’s what Claire calls her. Beth doesn’t have any words right now. She’s afraid if she tries to talk she might start crying. Leaning over the table she busies herself organizing some of the materials she’d used. Tears are stinging at the backs of her eyes. Having her nieces here, knowing that Amy brought them means everything to her. But she’s self-conscious and a nervous wreck. 

 

“Beth I- I haven’t been a very nice person and I just wanna apologize. Every time I see you with my girls, you and Maggie, I feel like a complete bitch for the way I’ve acted towards you and your family.”

 

Beth’s first instinct is to disagree with Amy assure her it’s all okay. But it really isn’t and even though she isn’t sure where or why things are the way they are, she isn’t going to be mean. That’s just not her. 

 

“It’s your family too, you and the girls.” Because they are family.

 

“I know.” Looking over at the girls, Amy smiles. “I was excited when we first started looking at houses here. My family, well there’s only my sister now, and Shawn always talked about the farm and you and Maggie and I wanted that for Abbi.”

 

That hardly makes any sense to Beth because if that was true then Amy and Shawn would have been around all the time, not just on the holidays and her and Maggie would have babysat, they would have been a part of their niece's life.

 

Shawn met Amy in college, brought her and baby Abbi home after their dad’s accident. After Beth…

 

“Then when everything happened, when everything…” Beth can see that Amy is struggling, but she is finding it hard to have any sympathy for Amy right now because the missing pieces are starting to fall into place. “My mom committed suicide and my dad started drinking and didn’t stop until he couldn’t anymore. And it was just, it was, I’d been there before and I was afraid.” There’s shame in her confession and that’s what it feels like, a confession.

 

“You were looking at houses before my before my daddy fell?” This doesn't fit in with what she’s believed to be true all these years, the story she’s told herself because no one else was there to fill in the blanks.

 

“Oh, yeah Shawn and Maggie both wanted to come home. They missed you, missed Hershel. It was Maggie who came out to see us and said she was coming back here and Shawn… Beth?”

 

They missed her? But they left. 

 

“Sorry, I- I didn’t know that. I didn’t know any of that.” There’s a lot she doesn't know. Did Amy and Shawn have a wedding? Did Amy wear her dead mama’s dress? How much did Abbi weigh when she was born? What about Claire? 

 

And where had she been when all of this life was being lived without her?

 

“Your brother worried so much about Hershel’s drinking. Then after he fell, I’m sorry I know it’s family business and really personal, and I just, I was scared and it’s stupid and selfish. My little girls need you. They deserve to have their family.”

 

Beth’s kind of checked out at this point. All she keeps thinking is Amy’s mistaken. Hershel stopped drinking, he got rid of all the alcohol. He wasn’t drinking, he wasn’t…

 

Her dad had been drunk when he fell. And Maggie and Shawn had been planning to come home all along. 

 

Everything she believed is a lie. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Where we eatin’ boys?!” After they picked up parts for Abe’s truck Merle followed Daryl over to the Greene Farm to drop off Hershel’s truck. Daryl took the keys up to the front porch where a pretty brunette and an Asian man had been sitting. He figured the woman was Beth’s sister Maggie. He was correct. She’d introduced herself and introduced him to Glenn, her boyfriend who owns the Rhee’s Pizza. 

 

Handing her the keys he explained what he’d done to Hershel’s truck and that if he needed any help figuring out how to use the new pedal with his prosthetic leg he could give Daryl a call.

 

“Thank you, Daryl. My daddy is real excited to get back some of his independence.” Maggie had said. She gave him a huge smile and he kind of saw a resemblance to Beth. 

 

“Mmmhmm, glad I could help.”

 

“What does he owe you?”

 

“Ain’t lettin’ him pay me.” She flashed him another huge smile and it made him a little uncomfortable.

 

“Thank you, Daryl. I’ll tell him.” He’d begged off real quick after that and once he was in the truck with his brother he relaxed. Maggie waved as they drove off. 

 

Now they were headed back into town for lunch. 

 

“Burgers!” Beau yells.

 

“French fries!” DJ adds.

 

“Whaddaya think little brother? Burgers?” Daryl has his phone out and he’s pulled up Beth’s messages and he’s trying to come up with a response. Something that doesn’t sound pathetic. Because the fact that he is just now responding is already pretty pathetic. 

 

He should call. He wants to call but he’s in the truck with too many ears. 

 

“Yeah, whatever,” he agrees distractedly. 

 

_ I’m sorry I missed your texts. I’m gonna call later, explain _

 

And then..

 

_ I miss you _

 

Hitting send he still feels like an ass and he hopes Beth’s having another good day at work.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

After Amy and the girls left Beth managed to clean up and give Olivia a smile and a wave as she walked out. She made it to her car before letting go of the tears. They have nothing to do with sadness, she’s angry and she’s hurt and she's so confused. Even though she loves her daddy, right now she hates him.

 

She’s shouldered the guilt for everything. Every single thing that happened. A cry for help, that’s what the broken mirror and all the blood and her screams were that day.

 

Because she was just a kid and she felt so incredibly lost and she didn’t have the words to tell anyone.

 

So she took a piece of glass and cut her wrist.

 

Maggie and Glenn are out on the porch when she pulls in. Taking a couple of deep breaths before getting out Beth debates saying anything to Maggie. This can’t turn into that. It’s not about her and Maggie. This is about their daddy and the choices he made. 

 

Grabbing her bag she climbs the steps and they’re both smiling at her and a part of her thinks, just let it go, Beth, keep this, Maggie smiling and everything quiet and calm and safe.

 

“Hey, Beth!” Glenn says. She does her best to smile back, be the Beth they want her too.

 

“Daryl Dixon came by, dropped off daddy’s truck. He the reason you’re always hanging out over there? I mean those arms…” Maggie’s teasing her, wiggling her eyebrows, trying to get Beth to laugh. It’s an old joke, see who can make Bethy giggle till her cheeks turn pink. It’s not working though, it hasn’t for a long time. That’s a past she barely remembers. 

 

But Daryl was here and she thinks that if she turns and starts running she can be over at the Dixon’s in 10 to 15 minutes.

 

What would that accomplish? Sighing she gives up trying to keep up the facade.

 

“Where’s daddy?” Her voice sounds small and weak. That won’t do. That won’t do at all. She needs to be strong. She needs to stand up for herself and that little girl from the past.

 

“Shawn took him to Atlanta to pick up his prosthetic leg, should be home any time now. Beth, wait…” But it’s suddenly really important to her that she change. Take off this dress and just change. Maggie’s following her, her footsteps on the stairs give Beth anxiety in a way that only that sound can. And it isn’t fair.

 

Maggie sits on her bed as Beth pulls her sundress over her head and grabs the jeans draped over the chair at her desk. 

 

“Beth, what’s going on?” Digging through a drawer in her bureau she finds a tank top and then fishes her cowboy boots out of the closet. When she’s dressed she turns to Maggie.

 

“Were you and Shawn planning on moving back before, before daddy fell, before…”

Maggie is frowning at her, brows drawn together.

 

“Well yeah, Shawn was waiting to hear back on a place, and I was, I just wanted to come back here. Stay on the farm with you, Beth you knew this, daddy must’ve told-” Shaking her head vehemently, Beth wraps her arms around herself as if it’s suddenly chilly, not pushing 90 degrees in her bedroom.

 

“Did you know he was drunk, that day when I cut myself…” She has to say it. Saying it will take away the power it has over her. But it’s so hard.

 

“What?” Maggie says incredulously. “That’s not, it can’t be Bethy. He stopped drinking he-” But Beth can see that Maggie isn’t so sure herself. “Shawn said, he-”

 

“Shawn knows.” Beth looks at Maggie and waits expecting Maggie to tell her she’s wrong, to argue with her. To yell. To think being the older sister she knows everything. But she doesn’t she just continues to stare at Beth.

 

“Are you sure?” she asks. Beth nods.

 

“Hey Mags, you coming down? Your dad and Shawn are back!” Glenn calls from the porch. Turning away from Maggie, Beth heads back down. She’s doing this now, while she feels brave enough because if she waits if she waits…

 

Hershel is in one of the rockers, his crutches on the ground beside him. The leg of his pants is no longer pinned up and the empty space is filled. Beth only spares a glance for the new foot. It makes her heartache, but it makes her remember what she needs to do and it gives her the courage to face him. 

 

His face is somber and when she thinks back, later, she’ll realize that they knew, both Shawn and her daddy were expecting her, expecting this or something like it anyway. 

 

“Got a new leg,” Shawn says without much conviction. And Beth stands there toe to toe with her daddy.

 

“You fell because you were drinking. You fell and you let me believe that it was me, that I-” Her daddy can’t even look at her. He lowers his head and it reminds her of how he used to bow his head in prayer, reach for their hands around the dining room table and give thanks to God, ask for his blessing. She wonders if he’s asking for God’s forgiveness now or if he thinks he even deserves it.

 

“Ain’t the time for this Beth,” Shawn says. Turning on him she feels something burn in her chest, he lied to her. Her big brother who could have protected her too could’ve taken care of Hershel but protected Beth, lied. It was a lie of omission but just as bad as if he’d outright spoke the words.

 

“You knew.” Looking between the two of them, her brother and her father and feeling Maggie behind her Beth continues. “I was just a little girl, I lost my mama, I lost you daddy and then I lost my family. I wanted to say something, anything but there was no one there to hear me. Until I hurt myself..” It hurt, that burning in her chest, that’s what it felt like when she’d taken the glass to her wrist, it burned and it hurt. It all hurt so bad.

 

_ I’ll never hurt ya, Beth _

 

She’s down the stairs and halfway to the barn before Maggie is coming after her and there’s some ruckus about Maggie running, but Beth isn’t the only angry one.

 

“She’s my sister! Why didn’t anyone tell her I was coming home cause I wanted too, why’d she have to believe I had ta come home cause of her?” Maggie’s crying and everything in Beth is saying turn around, go back. Everything except a pair of dark blue eyes and a promise.

 

_ I won’t let nothin hurt ya ever _

 

Maggie does catch up to her as she’s leading Nellie from her stall.

 

“Beth I don’t want you to run off-”

 

“I just need to go, for a little while, I just, I need to go.” Maggie grabs her hand and gives her a teary-eyed smile.

 

“Okay- Beth I came home because you’re here. I missed you. I thought you knew, I thought..” 

 

“I didn’t. But I do now.” She can smile for Maggie, so she can see, so she knows. 

 

She leads Nellie to the water trough and climbs up on her back, no saddle just a blanket and reins. Looking back over her shoulder she smiles at Maggie one more time before giving the click that cues Nellie to go, go, fast girl, go as fast as she can.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Awe hell no, yer not gettin’ outta this one little brother! Yer gonna take that side job and yer gonna do yer thing and fuckin impress the hell outta everyone!” 

 

They’ve been working in the garage all afternoon. The alternator in Abe’s truck is finished and although Daryl did all the actual work, Merle made suggestions and passed him the tools he needed. It wasn’t bad. Daryl could’ve worked quicker without all the conversation. But it was okay.

 

Daryl mentioned the job Abe offered him and that’s where they were at now, discussing it. Actually, Merle is basically telling him to take it. Which is what he wants to do. He’s good at fixing cars, he can repair anything on any vehicle. But building things, that's something he thinks he could like. He thinks he could like it a whole a lot.

 

And Merle won't let him get out of even if he wanted to.

 

Suddenly Beau comes running out of the trees hollering something unintelligible. The boys had gone out into the woods earlier in search of a rabbit warren. Daryl agreed to give them their first lesson with the crossbow if they could find one. He and Merle both doubted they’d have any success. They have yet to master the fine art of being quiet, although Daryl thinks DJ might have a knack for tracking just like he did when he was a kid.

 

They’ve obviously found something.

 

As Beau gets closer Daryl can see that his face is red and it looks like he’s crying.

 

“Wha’ the hell?” Merle must’ve seen what Daryl sees. 

 

“Beth, it’s Beth! She fell off a Nellie, she’s hurt real bad!” Beau’s coughing and crying and trying to catch his breath.

 

But all Daryl heard was Beth and hurt and that was enough to set him off running in the direction Beau came from. It’s not hard to follow his nephew's tracks. And what he sees has him stumbling, tripping over his own feet. DJ’s kneeling over Beth, his hand gently brushing her forehead. Nellie is a few feet away nosing in the grass.

 

He ran. He covered the distance in less than two minutes. But now time slows and moving through the world takes effort. Breathing takes effort too and he knows that a few minutes ago there were birds singing and a soft breeze, but now everything is still, silent. DJ looks up at him as he approaches and his blue eyes are brimming with unshed tears.

 

“She’s bleeding Uncle Daryl! She ain’t opening her eyes neither!” Moving over he makes room for his uncle. Daryl drops to his knees in the grass his eyes on Beth and he wants so badly to unsee this, to rewind and have her ride out of the woods behind DJ and Beau, flashing him her beautiful smile and fussing at him for not answering her calls or texts.

 

“No... no… no...” It’s a whisper, a plea. Brushing the hair from her face where it’s stuck in the blood on her cheek, he leans in close to her and he can see the rise and fall of her chest, feel the air as she breathes out, small warm, puffs against his face.

 

“Beth?” Trailing one finger along her jaw, he aches, he wants so badly to pick her up, wake her up. “Com’on girl, open yer eyes.” Cupping her cheek in his hand he looks down the length of her body. Nothing looks out of place. There’s the gash on her cheek that’s still oozing blood and a branch on the ground just above her head that has some of her hair tangled in the bark. Blonde hair and blood.

 

He takes all this in, in seconds. He continues stroking her face, and with his lips against her temple, his voice raspy he implores her,

 

“Please Beth, ya gotta open yer eyes for me.” He brushes kisses against her brow and swallows what he knows is a sob. He’s aware that both boys are here, they’re watching and they’re witnesses now to what Daryl feels for Beth, what he feels and hasn’t named.

 

“Beth ya gotta.. fuck.” His voice breaks, something inside him breaks too and he’s just about given up and sent Beau for Merle when she whimpers and turns her head just a little and then her eyes are open. Blue like the sky. And she’s looking at him and he exhales as she says his name.

 

“Daryl?” She even smiles. In the middle of what feels like hell to Daryl, Beth is smiling. It’s small and strained but its a fucking smile and he’ll take it. 

 

“Beth, there ya are, ‘s okay. I got-” She lays a small hand on his wrist tugging gently.

 

“I needed to see you, I came-”

 

“Shhhh... I know. I’m here I got ya. I need ya to move yer arms and legs. Can ya do that?”  _ Please do it, please girl… _ She does and he’s nodding like a lunatic. “Okay, okay, that’s good. How ‘bout yer head, can you move it?” She does that too. 

 

“It hurts.” Closing her eyes again she murmurs, “I wanted to see you.”

 

Looking over at the boys, they’re both crying and he can’t do this, he can’t take care of all of this right now. Them and her. He needs to get her back to the house. And he really needs to hold her, take her in his arms and just hold on.

 

“DJ, Beau, ya gotta help me now, gotta help Beth okay?” They’re nodding and wiping away tears and snot and trying to man up. It almost hurts to watch them. “DJ, get Nellie, grab her reins and lead her to the house, Beau, you go first make sure there ain’t nothing in the way so I can carry Beth.”

 

Both boys jump up, and Daryl looks down at her again, her eyes are closed and she could just be sleeping. Sliding his arms under her body, he hoists her up, holds her against him. He’s got her right here in his arms and that’s all that matters right now.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He figures he must have been quite a sight walking out of the woods with Beth, unconscious and bleeding in his arms. As soon as she spots them, Carol comes running up.

 

“Daryl? What happened?” She rests a hand on his back and walks with him.

 

“Her horse threw her, don’t know why. I need something ta wipe off the blood, I ain’t got…” His bandana is sitting in a pile of dirty laundry, DJ’s blood on it. Shifting his arms, pulling her in closer because she keeps slipping, he shakes his head. Talking right now is too much.

 

“Bring her in, to the couch. I’ll get a washcloth.” She leans over and looks at where Beth’s head rests on his arm. There’s blood there too. He knows that but it’s not a lot and he can only handle so much at once. She’s hurt, Beth is hurt and it’s twisting him up in a way he doesn’t understand. Carol meets his eyes for just a second and then rushes ahead. 

 

They’re all talking and he hears but doesn’t hear as he carries her over the threshold and into the living room. He eases her onto the couch where Carol has a towel spread out. She holds out a wet cloth to Daryl.

 

“I can’t- you-” He realizes he’s shaking now, but Carol doesn’t listen, pushes the cloth into his hands.

 

“You can. I need to see if Merle got a hold of her daddy.” Carol smiles at him encouragingly. But she isn’t gonna back down.

 

“Not my daddy, don’t call- Maggie, call Maggie.” Beth’s eyes are open and she’s watching them both and he feels a wave of relief that threatens to bring him to his knees if he wasn’t already on his way to kneeling down beside her.

 

“Okay, Maggie, we’ll call Maggie, Beth,” Carol says.

 

Then it’s just him and her and everything else is out of focus, just background noise. Raising the damp cloth so she can see it he looks down at her face. It’s not bleeding nearly as much now.

 

“ ‘M gonna clean it off okay?” he asks and he waits for her to say it’s okay, or nod or anything. But she’s just looking at him tears in her eyes. “I know it hurts, we’ll get ya seen okay-”

 

“It’s not that, it’s my daddy, he-”

 

“Have you looked at the back of her head yet?” Carol’s back kneeling beside Daryl and Beth doesn’t say anything more.

 

“Nah, I just wanted ta get her here.” 

 

“Beth you need to see a doctor honey, we can call an ambulance…”

 

“No! No… can we just drive, I don’t want.. not that.” Carol nods her hand on Beth’s cheek.

 

“Sure, we can do that. Me and Daryl, we’ll take you. Can you turn your head a bit so I can see what’s going on back there?” Beth does and Daryl slips his hand into hers and her eyes never leave his.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He was there. She’d been going to see him and when she opened her eyes he was there. 

 

Beth’s head is pounding and her cheek burns. She hadn’t let Daryl carry her to the car. The kids were there watching and she wanted them to see that she was okay, some bumps and bruises but okay. For a minute though she thought Daryl was going to refuse to listen to her, he looked so adamant, but in the end, he relented, took her hand instead and walked with her to Carol’s car. He’d opened the door for her and then climbed in right next to her and if she hadn’t felt so horrible she might have kissed him for that.

 

They’ve been driving for about 10 minutes and he’s been quietly watching her the entire time, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of her hand. When finally says something she can hear how his voice breaks a little. And she’s in awe of the fact that he sounds scared. Not a whole lot, not like terrified, but scared.

 

“ ‘S hurting?” he asks. She nods looking over at him. “Wha’ happened Beth? Nellie jus’ throw ya?”

 

“We were running, there was a snake and she got spooked. She reared up, I think I hit my head on a tree then I was falling. That’s all I remember.” It happened so fast she’d barely had time to process it all. But she saw the snake and wrapped her hands in Nellie’s mane and tried to hold on. The blow to the back of her head must have knocked her unconscious.

 

“Had ta been going pretty fast,” he says. Too fast is probably what he’s thinking and he’s right. She doesn’t usually run Nellie full out like that in the woods. Only in the open spaces. But she wasn’t thinking about anything but getting to Daryl.

 

“I- my daddy was drinking the day he fell down the stairs.” The words still don’t register in her head, they don’t make sense. But they’re true. Which makes them even harder to believe.

 

“Wha’? Whaddaya mean?” And then it dawns on him, she sees it in his eyes.  _ Oh. _ And she has to look away because what she also sees in his eyes breaks her just a little. She’s not gonna cry. She’s absolutely not gonna cry.

 

Somebody hurt her and it hurts him too.

 

_ I won’t let nothin’ hurt ya ever _

 

“Com’ere.” He says it low and soft, sliding an arm around her and pulling her in. Shuddering she lets it all go, everything she felt from the moment her daddy’s silence confirmed what Amy had told her. Because with Daryl she feels safe. And maybe she shouldn’t, maybe it’s too soon. 

 

Or maybe when it’s right, like her mama said when it’s the moon and sun- when he loves you… she doesn’t know if he loves her and really it’s inconsequential right now. 

 

But.

 

He’s the only place she wanted to go when everything fell apart. He was the first person she thought of when running became the only option.

 

She wasn’t running away. She was running too him.

 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Well. Let me know what you think…. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this chapter is a little shorter. Because I want to spend a whole bunch of time on the next one for reasons… Happy Mothers Day to all the mama’s and those who take on the mama role (cause there are some damn good ones out there who have no biological connection but give out that mama love like they were born too!) Here’s your update! Thank you for all the love and kindness!!**

 

Carol pulls into a parking space and Daryl meets her gaze as she glances over the backseat at him. 

 

“I’m going to get a wheelchair.” Nodding at her he looks down at Beth. She’s got the folded up cloth pressed against her cheek and she’s still tucked up against him. 

 

He hadn’t said anything after she broke down. He’d held her and comforted her, his own anger simmering just below the surface. She needed to see him, wanted to see him. That’s what she’d said. Fuck she’d even smiled at him! 

 

What she’d said, her dad had been drunk. Daryl won’t ever admit it to her but he’d thought about it for a moment when she was telling him everything the night of the storm. Grief can break a person. And Hershel was grieving.

 

But Jesus Fucking Christ! He let his own daughter carry the burden of that guilt. His daughter, who was doing her own grieving who needed someone, anyone to see her, hear her, realize that she was not good, not good at all.

 

But nobody did. 

 

Daryl understands what it’s like to be alone in your own horror show of a life. And that anger that was there, probably even before today, turns into something else. A fierce protectiveness. Looking at the small blonde curled up in his arms he realizes that even though he loves his brother, loves the kids and Carol... 

 

He’s never loved anyone like he loves her right now. He’s never felt anything like it before. Nothing and no one will ever hurt her. Not anymore. He’ll spend the rest of his life making sure she’s loved and safe and that she knows how important she is to him. 

 

The rest of his life. Huh...

 

He loves her.

 

A sniff from her jolts him out of his head. Sitting up she looks at the cloth and then at him.

 

“Is it still bleeding?” It is, but not nearly as much as it had been when she was crying. But Daryl can’t make his mouth form the words to tell her that. He’s looking at her and she’s looking back at him, curiously, not really sad, she just looks tired. But surprisingly okay besides the obvious.

 

“Daryl?” She’s amused now, he sees that too. So he does the thing he wants to. Even though it’s probably ridiculously inappropriate right now given everything that’s happened, but it's all he can think of because he loves her. He loves her and his heart and his body want this. He needs to feel okay.

 

Putting his hands on the sides of her face, paying little mind to the blood, he notes how she leans into his touch, how this little gesture creates a tightness in his groin that makes him ache.

 

He’s careful as he leans in, kisses her softly at first but that doesn’t last. It can’t last. Not with how he’s feeling. Her mouth is warm and soft and she tastes familiar now. Groaning he licks at her lips and all the softness is gone and its just want. He isn’t the only one wanting either. She’s kissing him back with just as much intensity, maybe even a little more.

 

Pulling back, his heart pounding and breathing like he just ran a marathon he feels her tremble just a little. Resting his forehead against hers he looks into her big blue eyes. She’s breathing just as hard as he is and she’s got her hands fisted in his shirt, holding on.

 

As if he’d ever let her go.

 

“Sorry, I couldn’ help it, I had ta… Beth I,” His voice is raspy and he realizes where this is going, what he’s about to tell her when a gust of warm air and sunshine fills the backseat.

 

“Here we go…” Carol has a wheelchair and she looks at them both expectantly, waiting. She didn’t see anything, couldn’t have. He’d know. He just would. Sliding out of the car he takes her hand and she looks at the wheelchair then up at Carol.

 

“You don’t have to push me-”

 

“I’m not, Daryl is. Now come on or you know he’s just gonna try and carry you.” Carol teases. Taking a hold of the grips on the chair after she sits down, Daryl thinks to himself, he would, he’d carry her, give her a piggyback ride, anything and anywhere.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Going into the E.R., checking in with the receptionist, it all seemed to be happening to another person. Not her.

 

How is it that only an hour, two at the most have passed since she left the library? The world cracked open. It fell apart. Nothing makes sense anymore. 

 

Her head aches and her scalp stings and she feels drained. She’s also holding onto what happened in the car before they came in. The way Daryl looked at her, the kiss they’d shared. That’s keeping her from completely falling apart. 

 

He’s been by her side since they got here. Except for now.

 

A nurse is rolling her down a hallway towards radiology. A CT scan was ordered by the attending doctor, which is standard procedure with any head injury. At least that’s what they said. When the nurse came to get her, Daryl just stood there, hands shoved in his pockets, looking at her. 

 

It would only be a few minutes. That’s what the nurse told them. He could wait right there.

 

He didn’t look like he wanted to wait. He didn’t look happy at all with the idea of her leaving without him. Like in the car she got this sense of protectiveness from him. And it made her feel things she’d forgotten she’s so deserving of.

 

“I’m okay Daryl. I’m- you’re gonna wait for me aren’t you?” His eyes met hers and he nodded just slightly.

 

“Course.” She knew he would but she’d been trying to ease whatever discomfort he was feeling. There was no indication, as far as she could see, that what she’d said had helped at all. So she did the only thing she could and gave him a reassuring smile as she was rolled away. 

 

The procedure was quick. And then she was back. He wasted no time in moving the chair he’d been sitting in next to her and he took her hand and he let out a breath.

 

She wonders if he’s been holding it the entire time she was gone. 

 

He has to be some kind of a guardian angel, those wings… and he came into her life when she needed a hero. Someone to give her her own wings, or the at least the idea that she can fly.

 

Her head hurts but she smiles at him because she thinks he might need that, so he’ll be okay.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The examination area is enclosed by light blue curtains and it smells like disinfectant. Beth is curled up on the gurney. She keeps trying to convince him she’s fine but it’s obvious she really isn’t. He can see it in her eyes. Her head is hurting, she’s been squinting in the bright light and taking it slow whenever she moves it. It’s been like that since she came back from the CT scan.

 

The nurse who took her for the procedure, like the one that admitted them, said she’d get Beth something for the pain. Then they made her wait for the scan and now she’s still waiting. It’s bullshit and he’s done watching her suffer. Standing up, he meets her eyes but before he can do anything else the curtain is pulled back and a man, the doctor they’ve been waiting on, is there. Holding out his hand he glances over at Beth.

 

“I’m Dr. Edwards,” he says shaking Daryl's hand and then moving over to Beth. “Hi, Beth. I’m sorry I made you wait. I wanted to take a look at your CT scan before we did anything else.” Pulling a rolling stool over next to the gurney Dr. Edwards takes a seat. Daryl’s still standing.

 

“Can ya give her somethin’ for the pain?” It comes out gruffer than he intends, but he’s irritated. Beth’s hurting and she’s been waiting.

 

“Sure. Let me do a quick-”

 

“Nah. She’s hurtin’.” Folding his arms across his chest, he realizes that he can sometimes be intimidating and he uses that to his advantage now. The doctor watches him for a second and then his face softens. Rolling over to the curtain he pulls it back pokes his head out, calls to a nurse to order pain meds for Beth Greene. Once he’s back beside the bed he motions for Daryl to sit. He does but he’s even more irritated at how simple that was. Why the fuck hadn’t someone done that an hour ago? Reaching for her hand again he's trying not to think about the fact that touching her somewhere anywhere is keeping him grounded. She's the one who needs comfort now. Not him.

 

“Pain meds are coming, I apologize again. We had a little boy we moved upstairs that got caught up in some barbed wire fencing or I would’ve been here sooner.” He’s talking as much to Daryl as he is to Beth and Daryl appreciates that. He still doesn’t like that Beth’s in pain but he knows her well enough now to know that she’d forgive the doctor anyway. Especially since he was tending to a child.

 

While he does a physical examination he goes over the results of the CT scan. Which came back normal. But due to the fact that she lost consciousness, he’s considering it a concussion. 

 

“We’ll give you,” he glances over at Daryl, “ a list of things to watch for that might warrant a return to the hospital. It’s highly unlikely that will happen though.” He smiles at Beth. A nurse comes in pushing a small cart covered with what Daryl assumes are the instruments needed for stitches. “Good, here’s your pain medication,” he hands Daryl a small cup that contains a pill and another that’s filled with water. 

 

Beth scoots up on the gurney and Daryl holds out the two small cups. Smiling at him she takes them both and swallows the pill.

 

“Thank you, Daryl.” Always saying thank you, even when she’s laying on a damn gurney in the emergency room. Shaking his head he takes the cups from her.

 

“Ya ain’t gotta-”

 

“I know. But I am.” She glances over at the doctor. He’s organizing things on the tray in front of him and Daryl can see by the way her face changes that Beth knows what’s about to happen. 

 

“Unfortunately I am going to have to give you a few stitches on your cheek. The back of your head is just an abrasion. Keeping it clean is about all you can do while it heals.” 

 

Daryl watches as she nods and the muscles in her throat work and her eyes tear up and if he could he’d pick her up and carry her out of here. 

 

“It’s gonna be okay Beth.” She nods but there’s more to it. He knows there’s more. 

 

“Alright. Just a quick little poke to numb the area.” Daryl squeezes her hand and doesn’t look away the entire time.

 

It only took five very small stitches. Less than two minutes Daryl guesses. If it hurt she didn’t let on. The doctor covered it with a gauze pad and medical tape and went over aftercare instructions which Daryl didn’t pay any attention to, he’s been watching her face and waiting.

 

When the doctor finally leaves to take care of her discharge Daryl’s about to ask her if she’s okay but he sees the tears.

 

“Hey, what’s goin’ on? I seen yer face… Beth?” Taking both of her hands he holds them in his.

 

“There’s gonna be a scar,” she says it softly, “it’s stupid, I mean for me to think about that..” He knows. He gets it. Reaching out he raises her face towards his with a finger under her chin. That look hurts. “Every mistake I've made is written on my body.” A tear finally makes its way down her cheek and he leans in and kisses it away. Brushing his lips up against her ear, winging it cause he doesn’t know what to say, how to make this any better.

 

“Still the most beautiful girl I ever seen Beth.” It must have been okay because her hand finds its way into his hair, fingers dancing across his scalp.

 

“Daryl..” Any misgivings he felt for kissing her in the car when they got here earlier, disappear. She’s got a hold of his hair and she’s tugging him down to her, finds his mouth with hers and puts everything she’s feeling into a kiss he never wants to forget.

 

“You rescued me, came along like I was some kinda princess and you rescued me.” He feels her lips moving against his cheek as she whispers. He wants to shrug his shoulders, act like it’s nothing. But he needs her to know that he’s always gonna be around if she needs him, but she’s strong and brave and she’s been there to hold him up a few times too. 

 

“We got each other. ‘S what friends do.” Husky and gruff he breathes in her in and delights in her small laugh. He already told her he’s hers but this, teasing like they’re doing. It’s good.

 

“That what we are? Friends?” She finds his mouth again and it’s quiet for a second, just their breathing.

 

“Maybe, maybe I want ya to be more..” And he’s never had a friend kiss him the way she is and make him wish they were somewhere alone with less clothing between them. But he won’t say that. Not yet.

 

“I wanna be more Daryl. I wanna be your..” 

 

“Um, Beth?” 

 

“Maggie?” Daryl looks from the brunette he met earlier at the farm, to Beth. The tears are back but she’s smiling. More changes. This seems like a good one. She’d told them to call Maggie, not Hershel. Maggie comes in tentatively looking between him and Beth.

 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I, Carol called I wanted to come.” At that, she’s leaning over the bed hugging Beth and crying and Daryl feels like maybe this is his cue to step out. Give them a minute. But just a minute.

 

The minute he stands Beth looks up at him.

 

“I’m gonna go let Carol know wha’s goin’ on. Give ya a minute,” he says.

 

“Yeah okay. Oh, Maggie, this is Daryl… who you’ve already met.” Laughing. She’s laughing and it makes him happy.

 

“Yes. Hi Daryl. Good to see you again. Thank you for.. just thank you.” She’s tearing up too and Daryl is itching behind the collar so he nods and takes one last look at Beth before he takes his leave.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When Daryl leaves Maggie sits down on the stool the doctor had been using and gives Beth a look. One she knows very well. She feels a blush spread across her cheeks and she smoothes her hands over her jeans.

 

“What?” she asks meekly trying not to smile. After what she walked in on, Beth is sure her sister has questions.

 

“We’ll get to that later. What happened? How did you-” The concern on Maggie’s face, it means so much. 

 

“A snake. It spooked Nellie and she threw me. I hit my head on a tree branch and my face too, somehow. It knocked me out. The boys were in the woods and they found me. And they got Daryl, and well here we are.” So simple. But it really isn’t.

 

“Carol called and of course it was in the middle of, well a mess, but I came as soon as I could.”

 

“Was it bad, after I left?” Beth hates that she feels a tiny bit of guilt so she pushes it away. 

 

“Don’t do that, don’t you dare take any of this on your shoulders!” Maggie says forcefully. “I laid into them, that’s what happened. And Shawn tried to make excuses but there aren’t any. It’s just- we didn’t handle anything like we shoulda.”

 

How do you handle something you’ve never experienced before? Grief moved in after her mama died and stayed for years. It’s not like any of them knew what to do. And they'd been children. But her daddy, maybe he should have gotten help.

 

“Amy called Shawn before they got back to the farm,” Maggie says.

 

“I thought they knew something. Amy was trying, I think she was trying to fix things with us, she didn’t know anything. Thought I knew it all already and she just wants the girls to be with us more. Did you know her mama committed suicide? And her daddy died too?” The fact that they have so much in common with this woman who is technically a sister is mind-boggling.

 

“No. I don’t know much about her either, except she made Shawn happy and she seemed like a nice person. I guess she must’ve said a few things to Shawn too. He had that look he gets like he’s been caught doing something wrong.”

 

“Why’d he keep it quiet? He could of..” Beth isn’t sure what he could have done. But letting her think everything was her fault, not saying a word about her daddy’s drinking. It was wrong.

 

“We have to fix it though. We’re still a family and it’s long past due. Ain’t right, none of it... I don't know. We aren’t healing at all are we?” Maggie looks as lost as Beth feels. But they’re together. They have each other again and that’s something.

 

“We are. Me and you. Maybe that means there’s hope for us all eventually.” Beth tries her best to give her sister a bright smile.

 

“Always could find the bright side. I missed you, Beth, so much!” And then they’re hugging and crying and Beth has a hand on her cheek cause it feels so tight. She doesn’t want to tear the stitches.

 

“Okay, okay. You’re okay though, except for the cut?” Maggie wipes at her eyes.

 

“Yeah. The doctor says it’s a concussion because I was unconscious but he thinks I’ll be fine. The back of my head is pretty scraped up, but I’ll be okay.”

 

“You’re so strong, Beth. Always have been. Might’ve been small but you’re tough!” The sisters smile at one another and it’s so good to have this again.

 

“Now tell me what’s going on with you and Daryl?” And of course, it would come back to this.

 

“I- he, we met and I don’t know. We just connected, or something. He makes me feel normal. Even though I got all this stuff,” she says waving her hand around in the air, but Maggie gets it. “He knows, well everything now and he doesn’t look at me like I’m broken. We have a lot in common..”

 

“He’s older.”

 

“That’s not a problem!” Maggie holds her hands up.

 

“Ya didn't let me finish. Not if he’s good to you is what I was gonna say.” Beth feels that blush again. Daryl is older. That’s a fact and it’s also of very little importance. He’s a good man. And all she thinks about is what her mama told her, the sun and the moon and sometimes when he looks at her, how he looks at her, it feels like that. Like finding something you didn’t know you were looking for but you know you can’t live without now that you have.

 

She thinks about wings too and butterflies and cocoons. It's like finding wings and flying. It’s like breaking free even though it’s hard and hurts. It’s gonna be worth it. Maggie's here smiling at her and Daryl is out there somewhere waiting for her.

 

It’s all gonna be worth it.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth refused to let him push her out to the car. Even when he gave her what he thought was his best intimidating stare she adamantly refused, staring right back at him her blue eyes flashing. And he thinks he may have met his match. He hopes more than anything he has.

 

She took his hand though, right in front of Carol and her sister and she walked beside him to the car. Carol and Maggie were walking a little ahead of them, talking. Daryl heard Hershel’s name and watched as Carol rubbed Maggie's shoulder. Then he felt a tug. Beth’s stopped walking and she’s looking up at him biting her bottom lip. It could be kind of hot but she also looks a whole lot nervous.

 

“Daryl, I don’t want to go home. Yet. I just need, I need some time to, I don't know breathe. Can I-” She doesn’t have to say anything else he’s already nodding his head.

 

“You can stay at my place, I mean, that’s what yer asking aren’t ya?” Did he jump the gun? Rubbing his face he peeks at her from under his hair. 

 

“Yeah, I wanted to.. if it’s okay.” She looks shy all of a sudden and he feels it. They’re quite the pair. 

 

“ ‘S okay.” Her smile. It’s back. The big one, the one that puts the sun to shame.

 

His girl. His girlfriend. That’s what she is.

 

Maggie agrees to bring some things over for Beth and before she heads to her car she comes over to him and she has a look, not unlike the one Beth wore when she refused the wheelchair ride.

 

“She’s my little sister. Take care of her. Like you have been.” He nods, unsure of how to respond to that. But that seems to be enough. She goes back to Beth, hugs her and waving heads to her car.

 

Beth’s going home with him. Well shit. Now what? 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **They’re going home. Cause home isn’t always a place… you see how I did that? I really appreciate all of you and when you review my story it makes writing it so much sweeter. I read as much as I write and having that one fic just take your breath away.. it’s the best!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **, First of all, I am sorry that I didn’t post yesterday!! Life got in the way… But it’s here now and I think, I hope where we're going makes up for taking an extra day. I also want to remind everyone that from the very beginning this fic was rated M and this chapter is definitely the reason why. Thank you for being here! Enjoy!!**

 

They pull into the driveway and before they are even out of the car the front door opens and the boys are rushing out to greet them. Sophia’s right behind them, followed by Merle who waits on the porch with his hands in his pockets.

 

The whole damn family.

 

Daryl figured it would be impossible they’d be able to slip by unnoticed into his apartment. And really it’s okay. Because that smile on her face, these people love her and they want to make sure she’s okay, he knows what that’s doing to her. She's even getting teary-eyed. Girl is probably more worried about the boys and letting them know she’s fine.

 

That’s the kind of person she is. He saw that from the very beginning. She gives more than she takes and it ain’t fair. She deserves everything and he is gonna give it to her. Whatever she wants.

 

“Beth! You were hurt and me and DJ found ya!” Daryl watches as the kids surround her and she kneels down in the little circle they’ve made.

 

“I’m lucky you were there. You both helped me, thank you!” She says smiling at them.

 

“Uncle Daryl was carrying you and you were bleeding! It was so scary. I’m glad you’re okay!” Sophia leans in and hugs her.

 

DJ’s been standing back just a bit but when Beth smiles at him he steps in closer and raises a hand and brushes a finger over the bandaged stitches.

 

“Ya got a bad cut,” he says.

 

“I did. The doctor gave me stitches. Five of them.”

 

“Ya gonna have a scar?” He’s watching her closely. Daryl gets the feeling that this, how Beth answers this simple question is important to DJ.

 

For a second she looks over at Daryl and he wishes he could’ve told her what happened earlier that week, between him and DJ. How those damn scars keep coming back to haunt him. All of them. His, hers and DJ’s.

She doesn’t know but in a way she does. He watches as she nods at DJ, smiles a little.

 

No excuses, no explanations. She’s gonna have a scar. Another scar.

 

“Okay,” DJ says. Then he hugs her and over his shoulder, her hands flutter to her face to wipe away the tears.

 

And as she tells them about the snake and Nellie, the CT scan and Maggie coming, Carol comes to stand beside him.

 

“I can make dinner-”

 

“I uh, I got spaghetti so.” He’d been thinking about that driving home. He’ll make her dinner, she can rest. And he can have her all to himself. Lock the door so no one interrupts.

 

Carol smiles and nods as Merle joins them.

 

“Jesus having kids is exhaustin’!” Daryl and Carol stare at him pointedly. “Her,” he gestures to Beth, “them, even you baby brother. Feels like y’all are my kids and yer making me old.” Shaking his head he chuckles.

 

“Honey you are old, but I love you anyway,” Carol says swatting him on the butt which elicits a real laugh. “Okay come on, let’s get these kids fed.”

 

“Hey y’all! Go on now, Beth’s okay. Seen it fer yerselves. She needs to go rest. Maybe tomorrow night we’ll barbecue or something.” This seems to satisfy the kids and DJ and Sophia follow Carol into the house. Beau doesn’t go with them. He walks over to Daryl, his small face holds all the seriousness of a grown man.

 

“Is Beth yer girlfriend now?” he asks. It would be funny but Daryl thinks even cracking a smile would offend Beau. And Beth is standing behind him, waiting and listening. It feels a little like an interrogation.

 

_That what we are? Friends..._

 

_Maybe I want more…_

 

_I wanna be more Daryl…_

 

“Yeah, she is.” Beau seems to think about this for a minute.

 

“We saved her huh?” he asks.

 

“Hell yeah- took all of us.” Beau breaks out in a jack o’ lantern grin with his missing teeth and Daryl feels Beth’s hand slip between his ribs and bicep.

 

“Just ‘member Uncle Daryl, girl’s got cooties- even the pretty ones,” Beau whispers from behind a strategically placed dirty hand.

 

“Ha! Yer gonna be surprised how much ya wan’ them cooties one day!” Merle says slapping a hand on Beau’s shoulder and leading him towards the house.

 

“Girlfriend?” She’s leaning against him just a little.

 

“Yeah,” he says as she slides her hand down his arm and finds his hand with hers, laces their fingers together and squeezes. Holding on to her he leads her to his apartment.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Maggie showed up as they were headed up the stairs and Beth let Daryl go ahead while she got her things from her sister.

 

At the bottom of the stairs.

 

Maggie kept glancing up at the door. Beth gets it. But she doesn’t invite Maggie up. She thanks her for bringing her things. They don’t talk about when she’s coming home. Nothing is said about Hershel or Shawn. Nothing much is said at all, but they’re sisters and sometimes words aren’t needed.

 

“Call me when- well when you’re ready.” Beth watches her leave and it’s all she can do not to run up the stairs, leave that sadness that’s obviously there behind and be where she wants to be. With Daryl.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He left a couple of towels folded up on the vanity. She’d said in the car on the ride home that she really wanted to take a shower. And Maggie brought her things. So she can have a shower if that's what she wants. And he can think about her there, naked and wet if he wants too.

 

He kind of expected Maggie to at least come in for a few minutes. so he’s surprised when Beth comes in alone and closes the door behind her. He stops what he’s doing and watches her as she turns the deadbolt. She lingers by the door, bag over her shoulder and her eyes meet his and he’s trying to read what he sees there. Is it hesitancy? Is she unsure now about staying with him?

 

“Maggie leave?” he asks.

 

“Yeah.” Again he’s trying to determine what’s going on in her head. She takes a tentative step forward, then another and drops her bag on the futon. Then she keeps walking until she’s there right in front of him. Tear tracks and dirt on her cheeks, still a bit of the forest in her hair, and the bandage that looks so wrong. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s beautiful. Smiling a little, she takes a deep breath.

 

“Daryl I just want-”

 

“Don’ even think about thankin’ me.” Her eyes widen the tiniest bit and then she huffs out a breath.

 

“Fine.” She looks a little put out. And it’s not his intention to make her feel that way. But she doesn’t have to keep saying thank you either. Not to him. It’s not that doing things for her is nothing and he knows she appreciates it. She’s so fucking kind and good and how is he supposed to feel worthy of all that?

 

“Beth, I jus’, I mean ya don’ gotta-” Before he can put together the words he needs to tell her how he feels she’s running her hands up his chest and clasping them behind his neck. Her blue eyes holding him still.

 

“Can I at least…” She pushes herself up on her toes, “.. do this,” she whispers against his lips before she kisses him softly. And he nods, murmurs some kind of approval and wraps his arms around her. She can kiss him all she wants. In fact, she never has to say thank you again. She can just kiss him. He smiles against her mouth at that thought and she must feel it because she laughs a little as she leans back.

 

“But really…” she tries halfheartedly.

 

“I know.” Taking her hand he leads her to the little kitchen where he’s got the things he needs for spaghetti out on the counter.

 

“Oh, you’re cooking for me?” The way she says it implies that ‘thank you’. Again. It’s just dinner and he has to eat too. Looking over at her and raises an eyebrow before he leans in and kisses her again.

 

“Making us dinner. Us. ‘S no big deal. Go take a shower. I left ya some towels and there’s soap and stuff too.” She holds on to him for a minute longer and he likes that in a way he can’t name.

 

“Okay, Daryl.” She leaves him standing there. Before she goes into the bathroom he calls out to her.

 

“Hey.” She glances back at him. “Why’d ya lock the door?”

 

“Oh, cause we keep getting interrupted. And well maybe I wanna see what happens if we don’t.” She goes then, into the bathroom and closes the door. For a second he’s stuck. Like when she looks at him a certain way sometimes. He can’t move.

 

What happens if they don’t get interrupted…

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Dinner’s quiet, he brought their plates to the futon and asked her if she minded if he turned out the lights and just used candles. It keeps the power bill down and just feels cooler is what he’d said and then apologized for not having AC. She reminded him where she grew up. Hundred-year-old farmhouses don’t have AC.

 

Besides, there’s a breeze from the overhead fan and the open windows. The air and the flickering candlelight makes everything soft. And she tells herself he lit the candles because it’s romantic.

 

It’s quiet but it isn’t uncomfortable. Once they’re done he takes her plate and she hears the clink of dishes as he rinses them and puts them in the dishwasher. When he comes back he sits beside her, reaches for her hand.

 

“Daryl th-” He’s staring at her with both eyebrows raised and it’s almost comical. Sighing she leans over and kisses him.

 

“That’s for dinner.” Nodding he looks around the room.

 

“Ain’t got a TV yet. Or we could watch movies or somethin’.”

 

“I just like sitting here with you. We can talk or not talk and it doesn't matter. It’s good either way.” She likes the small smile on his face, the way he watches her sometimes, it’s like he’s trying to figure her out.

 

“Wanna tell me ‘bout today, what happened?”

 

Oh.

 

He didn’t mean it, had no idea this question would do what it’s done. He catches on quick though and leans into her.

 

“Ya ain’t gotta, Beth.” But she does. She wants to and he’d disagree if she said so but he deserves to know why he had to carry her unconscious body out of the woods. She’s not a princess, but he was there for her. So she’ll tell him.

 

“Remember I told you about my nieces?”

 

Once she starts it gets easier even though she has to pause every now and then to let it all sink in. Again. Living it was different than telling it. She has time to react and it hurts in a more profound way. Daryl listens. He nods in all the right places and doesn’t let go of her hand. She watches as anger flashes across his face when what she says isn’t what he wants to hear. But he still listens.  

 

People are inherently flawed but parents are supposed to try not to be, they’re supposed to try and be better for their children. They’re supposed to love and protect them no matter what. Aren’t they?

 

By the time she finishes, she’s crying again. Not full-on sobbing, but there are tears and an ache in her chest. And when Daryl holds out his arms and whispers ‘Com’ere’ she doesn’t hesitate to crawl into them.

 

This right here is why she asked to stay with him. What she feels when she’s with him is a lot like what she’s felt with the rest of his family except it’s so much more. This is like coming home even though he’s never been her home. He’s brand new and still a bit of a mystery but he’s also familiar and safe, although the things she wants from him and wants to give to him are sort of scary, she feels more like the person she was and is and wants to be. And it has a lot to do with him.

 

Right here.

 

His breath is warm in her hair as he pulls her in close.

 

“Ain’t right Beth, what yer daddy did,” he says softly and that just makes it even harder to try and reign in the tears.

 

“But he’s, he’s still my daddy, you know and I can’t just-” Daryl has never said either way what he thinks she should do. She gets the feeling it all makes him angry and that has a lot to do with his feelings for her, but he never pushes her either way. He’s just here.

 

“He is. ‘Member ya told me once, loving people hurts. Ain’t gotta figure it out right now.” He’s running his finger over the bandage on her cheek and she wants to rip it off, let him touch it like he does the scar on her wrist. Cause when he touches it, it makes it into something else, something more.

 

Reaching up she rests her hand on his cheek. He’s looking at her so intently, it’s like he can see right inside her, see everything she is. Can he see how much she wants him? How she wants to give him everything right here, right now? She isn’t sure who initiates it but it’s like she blinked and then they’re wrapped up in each other. Lips on warm skin, lips on lips, hot breath that’s setting her nerves on fire as she presses against him awkwardly where they’re half sitting, half lying on top of each other.

 

“Daryl…” Twisting in his arms she’s trying to get as close to him as she can. She can tell he’s as frustrated as her because he’s growling into her neck. Pulling her up into his lap he fumbles for the hem of the t-shirt she’s wearing helping her pull it over her head and doing the same with his own shirt.

 

And then they’re both bare from the waist up and breathing heavy. It’s like he’s looking at her for the first time. Which it kind of is. He’s never seen her quite like this. His lips are swollen and she marvels at his blue eyes, pupils blown wide with desire. For her. His gaze lowers, travels her body making her tingle and it’s almost too much.

 

She wants to cover herself, wrap her arms around her body. She must have made a movement of some sort. Gave herself away because he shakes his head and reaches out, traces her collarbone with his finger and follows the line of her sternum until he stops between her breasts.

 

“Shouldn’ do this, yer supposed to rest…” he murmurs leaning in and kissing the places his finger just touched. Shivering she runs her fingers through his hair as he lowers his head to her breast. Laves a nipple with his tongue before gently sucking it into his mouth.

 

“I’m okay, I’m....” she breathes arching into him as he pulls away from her. “Daryl..”

 

“Beth...” His expression encompasses more than just the worry about her getting enough rest. It’s more than her concussion. His hands practically span her entire waist. She notices this because she had to look away from his gaze. For a minute. But he says her name again and she can’t pretend she didn’t hear.

 

“Hey, com’on back ta me?” But there’s something in his eyes, something there that’s making her nervous and she can’t figure it out.

 

“We don’t have to, um, do anything if you don’t want to Daryl,” she says and her voice sounds so weak in her own ears she can imagine what it must sound like to him. If he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want this, where it’s headed. Because she kind of thought she knew. Maybe she didn’t.

 

“Damn girl, you’re so fucking beautiful and sittin’ here like this… I want you. Don’ think I ever wanted someone so much! I jus’...” He looks nervous. This man and that’s definitely what he is. A man, not a boy. But like this, she can see the boy he was. He’s shy and nervous and there’s something he needs to say.

 

“What is it, Daryl?”

 

“I don’ want ya doing nothing cause yer feeling bad about what’s going on at home. Ya ain’t gotta run from that shit no more. Especially when yer with me.” He says it fast and his face is red and…

 

Oh.

 

She’d told him about the parties and drinking and Jimmy. Her skin prickles with embarrassment and something else. Her feelings are hurt. This isn’t that. She’d never use him as a way to forget.

 

“That what you think this is? Is that what you think of me?” His face immediately falls, all of it rearranges into this sadness and his eyes flash as he looks into hers. So there’s a little bit of anger too.

 

“I think yer hurting bad, but ya came ta me cause, cause… fuck Beth ya came ta me and I’m gonna make sure nothin’ hurts ya. I toldja that. I don’ wan ya... Ya know what?! I could take ya ta bed right now, show ya how much I love ya cause damn girl tha’s all I wanna do but I gotta be sure you wan’ it too. Not just cause ya need ta escape…” He’s breathing heavy and his hands have slipped to her thighs and the way he’s holding on to them is gonna leave bruises. Circle shaped bruises where his fingers are pressing into her soft flesh.

 

But, he said...

 

“You love me?” she whispers and he freezes. It dawns on him then, what he’d said. She sees the moment he realizes it.

 

“I..” Nodding he lets his hold go on her legs rubs the marks he left. Watching his hands as he does it. “I ain’t never loved anyone but my family and it ain’t, it ain’t the same. Don’ know if I’m doin’ it right, but I do. I…”

 

He loves her.

 

_‘if he loves you like the sun loves the moon, never let him go’_

 

Cupping his chin in her hand, the feel of the scruff tingling against her palm she raises his face so she can look into his eyes. His blue eyes that had her the minute they saw one another in the woods.

 

“Do you know the story of the sun and the moon Daryl?” She doesn’t expect him too so she isn’t surprised by the look of confusion on his face. “It’s, I don’t know it’s a fairytale I guess.” She laughs softly at that. It’s a fairytale and she still believes in it with all her heart and she’s hung on to it, hung on to her mama’s words because she was waiting for this, for him. Maybe.

 

“Gonna tell me?” he asks quietly.

 

“Well the sun loved the moon, he loved her so much that every night he died just so she could breathe.” Daryl’s watching her his brow furrowed but his hand is inching up her arm, one finger brushes the swell of her breast.

 

“My daddy used to tell my mama, _I love you like the sun loves the moon, my sweet girl._ And I just, I always loved that, because he did, my daddy loved my mama so much and she loved him. When I was little my mama told me someday I’d fall in love and if he loved me like the sun loved the moon I should never let him go.” His fingers are giving her goosebumps and she wonders if he thinks its all silly, her story and how she holds on to things like that.

 

“Think you might be more like the sun than me girl…” Tipping her head back she can laugh and it hurts a little, all of it seems to hurt just a little.

 

_You’re learning_

 

It’s not just Daryl, it’s her too. Everything is changing and it’s hard and it hurts and she’s learning too.

 

“I’m not trying to escape anything Daryl. I’m not running away, I think… I think I’m trying to find my way now. I don’t know...” He’s running his finger up and over her breast watching as his touch makes the nipple hard again.

 

“I love you, Daryl.” It feels like her mama is right here, hands on her hips smiling like, _see, I told you so baby girl._

 

Pushing back and standing in front of him she rests her hands on the waistband of her little cotton shorts. She pushes them and her panties down over her thighs and lets them fall into a  puddle around her ankles. She wonders why she doesn’t feel all that nervous? Why her hands aren’t itching to cover her body because he’s looking. He’s looking at everything and instead of wanting to curl up around herself, hiding all the parts that make her feel vulnerable she holds out her hand and pulls him in.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

If there’s one thing he can say with absolute certainty right now. It’s that Beth Greene is anything but weak, she’s a victim only in the sense that things have been done to her that shouldn’t have and she had been a child. But beyond that she’s amazing and she’s so strong and none of the fantasies he’s had about her late at night in bed or up against the tile walls of his shower compare to this. He feels like she’s giving herself to him, standing here with nothing on, nothing and fuck she’s perfect. Of course, he doesn’t think he can live up to that perfection. Old habits die hard, but he’ll try and for the first time ever in his life he wants all of his clothes off and he wants to feel her eyes on him, all of him.

 

Fumbling with the buttons on his jeans he gets them undone, pushes them down and kicks them off all the while trying not to end up on his ass. He’s not wearing underwear. He rarely does in the summer. And he’s hard, been hard almost the entire time they’ve been sitting out here together.

 

He can do this without the fear and anxiety of uncovering his scars because Beth is already very familiar with that part of him. And it’s fucking ridiculous but being able to take everything off and only wear her gaze is a turn on he never knew existed. She’s looking at him and he’s getting harder. His cock jerks a little when she exhales.

 

“Jesus Beth... “ Groaning he shuffles forward a couple of steps but stops when she holds up her hand.

 

“No, wait. I wanna look… Daryl, I just want to.” Girl wants to look at him, he’s not gonna deny her. But jfc he could probably come right here with just her gaze stroking him like her warm small hand might. Not might. Will. Groaning again he reaches down and cups himself.

 

“Girl, yer killin’ me…” Her eyes are huge and her lips are parted just a little and she’s focused on one place in particular.

 

“Daryl you… hold onto yourself, show me how you…” A blush darkens her cheeks and he wonders then if she’s even ever seen a grown man naked if this is her first time? He can honestly say he’s never been completely naked with a woman. Never wanted to. Taking a hold of his cock he runs his hand down the length of it. He’s aware of how her breathing changes then, how she moves in closer to him. Close enough to touch him. If she wanted and he thinks she does. She just looks unsure.

 

Reaching out with his free hand he takes her wrist and moves her closer, moves her hand closer to his cock.

 

“Take it in yer hand, jus’ wrap yer fingers around it.” This too is a first. showing her how to touch him. She had to have touched that boy, didn’t she? “Ya ain’t never held-”

 

“Not like this, not cause I wanted to.” He takes both hands away and lets her do it by herself, watches as her much smaller hand does things his couldn’t. “It’s hard and soft at the same time… it’s- god Daryl, I want- I wanna feel you inside of me.” Fuck yeah, he’s not gonna last at all if she starts talking like that. Stilling her hand he leans down and kisses her. Licks at the seam of her lips.

 

“Com’on les’ go in my room.” Grabbing the candles he follows behind her admiring the gentle sway of her hips and the way their shadows dance around them in the candlelight.

 

Turning on the ceiling fan he sets the candles down and they flicker from the bedside table and he watches as she crawls onto his bed. Her gaze falls on the tapestry on the wall above his bed. And he remembers what he was thinking the night he showed her his place. Her hair spread out on his bed. Premonitions.

 

“That’s new?”

 

“Nah, I had it. Found it and brought it up here.”

 

“I like it.” Somehow he figured she would. Suddenly he’s unsure of what to do next. Condoms. Where are the goddamn condoms?

 

“Daryl? Com’ere…” She’s patting the bed beside her and he remembers he put the box in the drawer. Right next to the bed. Makes sense. Lowering himself down next to her she wastes no time, closes the space between them. Stretches the length of her lithe body right up against him and he turns on his side his cock hard, trapped between them pushing against the softness of her belly.

 

She lifts her leg and rests a knee on his hip rubbing her foot on his calf and he may have it all wrong but he thinks this is an invitation. She wants something from him.

 

“Whadda ya want?” he asks cupping a breast and rubbing his thumb over the nipple. Not gentle or soft but hard and she gasps pushing into him.

 

“Touch me, I want you to touch me.” It breathless and beautiful, getting her wound up like this is making him ache.

 

“Yeah? Where?” She looks a little confused as if he should know. “Gonna have to tell me, girl. Where ya want my fingers?” Now he’s got her whimpering. And he likes this.

 

“I, Daryl! Really?” She laughs shakily. “Oh, touch me, my pussy, I want you to touch…”

 

Pushing her back onto the bed he moves in so he can watch as his hand, big and dark compared to her ivory skin, parts her thighs and slides between them. It’s slick there already. She’s as wet as he is hard. There’s a soft tuft of curls, darker blonde than the hair on her head and he slides a finger over them, between warm lips and then he’s inside of her and this too feels like something new because he's never quite taken the time to feel what he’s feeling now. Everything inside of her moves with her, pulses, muscles quiver along with her breathing and she raises her hips and her pussy clenches around him sucks on his finger. Sliding his finger back up to the hard bud nestled under those curls, he circles her clit with a fingertip and she whimpers.

 

“I want, Daryl… I want you inside of me!” Frantic whispers and she’s no longer concerned with the actual words.

 

“I am. Can’ ya feel it?” He slides another finger inside of her and spreads them apart. Gets her squirming under his hand.

 

“No, no.. not your hand. I want your cock inside of me. I want you to fuck me, Daryl.” Okay. That right there is something he can’t deny her.

 

“I like that, I like it when ya talk when you say…”

 

“Come on then! Do it, fuck me. Please?” Groaning he rolls away from her, fumbles in the drawer and pulls out a little plastic square. Before he can do anything with it she plucks it from his fingers and sits up beside him. The soft, latex circle resting in her hand.

 

He has a feeling she hasn’t done this either. And he hasn’t had anyone else do it for him and just how fucking good that is makes him smile and chuckle and she might have caught on cause she’s giggling too. They manage to get it where it belongs and it only made him feel like he was gonna lose it for a second. Her warm hand running down the length of him is one of his new favorite things.

 

She lays back on the bed and there it is, what he imagined. That premonition. Her blonde hair spread across the dark blue comforter. Now it’s his turn to straddle her holding himself up with one arm and watching as she spreads her legs. Lining himself up with her and then sinking into her.

 

It’s like falling and every nerve ending in his body is on fire. Closing his eyes he wants to remember it. It’s never been like this. It’s never felt like this. Sinking into her until he bottoms out, he feels her shift beneath him and he looks down at her beneath him, a small wrinkle between her brow.

 

“ ‘S hurting? Beth?”

 

“No, no gimme a second. You feel, god you feel so good Daryl, I just wanna remember this.” Well. Leaning down he kisses the hollow in her throat, the line of her jaw, her temple. She smells like his soap and sex.

 

“I love you, Beth. Jesus, I love you so much, girl.” He’s blown away by how much he does, in fact, love her.

 

“I love you too... I.. you can move now, please move…” It’s a plea and he won’t deny her. Starting slow, he moves gently pulling out half way and pushing back in, controlled even strokes. And she sighs and looks up at him. “Harder.” That one word is a jolt to his cock and it’s like his body takes over, doing what she asked aiming to please.

 

His thrusts aren’t even there’s no control he's just chasing that feeling that place where it’s all gonna come together, they’re gonna come together. She’s just as wild beneath him bucking up her hips to meet him, sliding a hand between them and rubbing herself, finding her clit and breathing his name and it’s that, her moaning his name that does it for him, he pulls her leg higher up on his hip and thrust hard and fast.

 

“Beth, I’m gonna come…” She’s gotta be there too. She's so tight, feels even tighter than when they started. And when she arches into him, hands holding onto his shoulders he lets go, goes over the edge with her.

 

His entire body is shaking. Rolling over he takes her with him, wraps his arms around her and holds her. He can feel her heart beating against him and he wants it to be this way forever. Her.

 

He hears her sniffle and sees her wiping her face. Fuck.

 

“Beth, wha’? Are ya hurt did I?”

 

“No. I’m fine. I’m… this is how it’s supposed to be.” Is she laughing or crying? Damn girl. She’s definitely gonna kill him.

 

“Think yer having a side effect, from that concussion…” he grumbles halfheartedly.

 

“Yeah? Maybe..” And then softer, “I love you, Daryl.” Rolling them both on their sides she moves away long enough for him to get rid of the condom and then she curls into his chest, her head beneath his chin and he pulls the comforter around them.

 

“ ‘M glad ya locked that door,” he whispers and he isn’t sure if it was really her laughter he heard or he was just imagining it. Either way its good and he drifts off to sleep with her tucked in right next to his heart.

 

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So… long time coming right? And so much for taking it easy because of her concussion. They’ve definitely taken things to the next level now! Thank you for your patience and for reading and commenting and kudos and being really awesome humans in general! I appreciate it!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **My muse has been acting like a bratty teenager.. but I gave her a good talking to and here we are! As always I really appreciate you guys! I get the nicest reviews. I love writing for all of you!**

 

For a second when she first opens her eyes Beth can’t remember where she is. A soft snore and a tickle at the back of her neck brings everything back. All of it is perfect. Except for the bandage on her cheek and the dull ache at the base of her skull. But even the accident can’t take away from the rest of the night.

 

Speaking of night, the light filtering through the curtains is weak and it must be really early. Turning over slowly, doing her best not to wake him up she lies on her side and looks at his face. His eyes are closed, lashes dark against his cheek, hair mussed up, she’s never seen him like this. He’s not sleeping, not anymore anyway. She hears the change in his breathing. And there’s a kind of vulnerability in the moment. Waking up together for the first time. After.

 

Their first time. Because this was nothing like her first time. Nothing like that first boy. Daryl isn’t a boy- he isn’t her first either, but in all the ways that count, he is. And It’s all happened so fast. It doesn’t feel like it though. It feels like this dance they’ve been doing has been going on for a very long time.

 

“Girl whadda ya doing?” His voice is rough with sleep and when he opens them his eyes are so blue. Bluer than she’s ever seen them.

 

“Just looking…”

 

“Gettin’ ready ta run?” Stretching his arms over his head he sighs and the comforter falls low on his hips uncovering them both.

 

“Only if you’re coming with me,” she whispers scooting over so she can curl up in the curve of his body. Tucking her face into the space between his shoulder and neck she breathes him in. There’s the faint smell of the soap he has in his shower, but beneath that he smells like a man, like himself and she inhales again wanting to memorize the smell of him and hold onto it.

 

“Ya smelling me now?” he asks huskily. The sound of his voice and the warmth of his skin on hers sends a tingle down her spine as he runs a rough hand over her hip.

 

“Mmmhmm.” He shifts to pull her closer and she can feel him hard between them.

 

“And?”

 

“I,” she feels silly, he probably thinks she’s nuts, but his body’s responding to her and she can feel her own doing the same. “I like it… you smell good Daryl.”

 

“Ain’t as good as you..” he groans a little as she nuzzles his ear, gets the lobe between her teeth.

 

“What do I smell like?” she whispers in his ear making him shiver. His arms around her and she can feel the gentle thrust of his hips, pushing his cock against her belly.

 

“I’unno, like apples.. and sex…” It strikes her as funny, and she giggles.

 

“Apples?”

 

“Hell I don’ know, ‘s like somethin’ sweet…” Making him self-conscious is the last thing she wants to do. Especially right now because he’s started something, him and his manly smell.

 

“And sex?”

 

“Fuck yeah.. ‘s me and you- wanna taste it. Wanna taste you, Beth.” There’s an edge to his voice, a whine and it's making her wet, she can feel it as she rubs her thighs together. Rolling her onto her back he moves down her body and for a second anxiety kicks in. 

 

She’s never actually done this. 

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

He feels her body tense up underneath the ministrations of his hands and lips. The breath that escapes her lips stops him, hands on her thighs and lips just below her belly button.

 

“Daryl, I’ve never…” Her hands are fisted in the sheets. She’s nervous.

 

“Beth, ‘m sorry, I ain’t gotta..” Pushing up off of her he meets her eyes. She’s raised herself up on her elbows and she’s looking down at him. Her mouth is open just a little. He can feel the subtle change in the air like the electricity he sometimes picks up on right before a lightning storm.

 

“No, I mean yes… don’t stop.” Her chest rises and falls with her breathing that’s sped up now that she’s looking at him.

 

Lifting her leg, bending it at the knee he kisses the sensitive skin of the inside of her thigh. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that she might not have done this. And if he’s being honest he hasn’t done it all that much either. And never like this. Never because he wanted too. He does now. 

 

He can smell her, she does smell like sex. They both do. The whole bed does. It smells like them and he wants to taste that. Nudging his shoulder under her knee, hand pressing down on her belly, he leans in but before he does anything he glances up at her and she’s transfixed, staring down the length of her body at him between her legs. Her lips are parted just a little.

 

“Can I?” He’s teasing just a little in case she’s nervous, which doesn’t seem to be the case. At least not anymore because she’s lifting her hips, trying to get him closer to where she wants him.

 

“Oh god Daryl, please..” He’ll take that as a yes.

 

Last night was about making that connection, and he doesn’t have words to name it. It’s a very foreign concept for him. Like love. But it turns out just going with it and letting what happens happen is easy.

 

It’s always been just sex. That’s not what this is. Any of it.

 

Because he loves her. And that’s easy too.

 

This. Right now. This is learning, this is exploring. Which he definitely has not ever done. He’s pretty sure she hasn’t either.

 

“Daryl.. can you?” Is he stalling? She’s right here, spread out before him and all he wants to do is bury his face between her legs and taste her.

 

But he wants to make sure everything he does feels good for her. 

 

Kissing the crease between her thigh and her pussy he spreads her with his fingers and she whimpers. Leaning in he traces her outer lips with the tip of his tongue, kisses and sucks them gently making her tremble. And that’s a pretty good sign that he’s doing okay. 

 

Pulling back he looks at her, this part of her specifically, and it’s overwhelming what he’s feeling.

 

“So pretty…” he whispers.

 

“I, I am?” Her uncertainty is innocent. But it’s true. For obvious reasons, yes. But also because she just is. Too him. She’s like a flower, soft petals, pink folds, and even the way she smells. It’s so fucking cliche but in a way it’s true. It makes complete sense to him.

 

“Ya are, everywhere, fuck Beth... “ With the flat of his tongue, he licks the length of her and her moans are almost as good as the taste of her on his tongue. She's soft and sweet, kinda salty and it’s everywhere. Groaning he licks at his lips moves where he needs to be. He’s done looking. 

 

He wants to use his mouth and make her come. 

 

Sliding his arms under her ass, pulling her up close, he licks her again harder this time, sucks her clit into his mouth and rubs his tongue over the hard little nub until she’s whining his name, body arched up underneath him. Pushing one finger and then two into her warmth, he pumps them in and out in time with what his tongue is doing. He’s got her wound up, she’s all nerve endings rolling around beneath him.

 

“Want ya to come.. com’on Beth…” he breathes, mouth up against her clit and this gets her. Sliding her hands into his hair, holding his head against her she begs him, pleads with him.

 

“Don’t stop Daryl.. don’t.. oh…” Bucking her hips up he holds onto her as the orgasm he wanted to give her is her undoing. And she’s beautiful as she falls apart. Gently removing his fingers from her lowers her hips to the bed and rests his mouth against her pussy that’s still softly pulsing. 

 

She shivers and loosens the grip she has on his hair. And he moves up beside her, rests his chin on his palm and watches her. Her eyes are closed and her face is flushed, then she smiles.

 

“You watching me now?” Her voice is shaky.

 

“Mmmhmmm… damn woman. Hottest thing I ever seen.” And it was. Taking her to that place with his mouth and fingers, it might even be better than actually fucking her. 

 

“Daryl.. that was.. wow.” She laughs softly and turns to him but before she can say anything else he kisses her, lets her taste what she did to him. When he starts to pull away she tugs him back, humming as she cleans his beard with her hot little tongue.

 

“Got me all wet girl..”

 

“Uh huh.. your fault. You got me all wet.” Growling he pulls her into his arms. He’s still hard and she rolls her hips against him. 

 

“I love you wet.” He thrusts back against her but doesn’t put much effort into it. This was about her. He can wait. Kissing her forehead he moves to sit up.

 

“Daryl, you’re…” She’s reaching for his cock and he bats her hand away.

 

“Uh-uh. Later. We gotta eat somethin’. Hows yer head?” Standing he walks over to his closet and he can feel her eyes on him which makes his cock jerk and he’d like to get back in bed and bury himself inside of her, make her whimper his name again. But he won’t. He already feels a little guilty for last night and then this morning. She was supposed to rest. Slipping on boxers and grabbing a clean t-shirt, he turns and looks at her.

 

“You really don’t…”

 

“Oh I do, I really fuckin’ do, but later. Now com’on... “ Giving her a smile he leaves the room, leaves her muttering something about his stubborn ass.

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

They spent the morning and half the afternoon laying on the futon stealing kisses and talking about Beth’s job, Abe’s offer, and anything and everything. She did most of the talking and she’s come to realize that Daryl talks when he has something to say, but mostly he listens. And the way he listens makes her want to keep talking. Like everything, she’s saying matters. 

 

“You wanna go for a ride, check out that job Abe wants me ta do?” His head is in her lap and she’s playing with his hair brushing it back and twirling it around her finger. It’s soft. And she knows what it smells like. That knowing gives her a warm feeling in her chest.

 

“On your bike?” Daryl pushes up out of her lap.

 

“Hell no. I mean, I wanna, but ya had a concussion. I don’ wanna do-” They’re interrupted by knocking on the door and voices, two little boys arguing. Daryl gives Beth a little half smile. “Took ‘em longer than I figured.” Sitting up cross-legged in the middle of the folded out futon Beth watches as Daryl opens the door and Beau and DJ come in a little hesitant at first but their faces break out into big twin grins when they see her. 

 

“Hi, guys!” Beau climbs up onto the futon with Beth.

 

“What’re ya doing Beth?”

 

“Just resting. Hanging out with your uncle.” She smiles at Beau. “What are you guys doing?”

 

“Mama said we could come over for a minute and say hi, can’t stay and bug y’all though,” Beau says and Daryl chuckles. DJ is kneeling in front of the little bookcase Daryl has in the corner and he stands up with a book in his hands. Looking over at Daryl he smiles.

 

“Ya fixed it.” Daryl nods and something passes between the little boy and Daryl. She sees it. And when his eyes met hers Daryl nods a little. DJ walks over to her and Beau.

 

“I brought this book, has birds in it.” He holds it out for Beth. She takes it and looks at the cover. It’s a field guide for birds in Georgia. Smiling she flips through the pages. 

 

“This is cool! I bet we can find a lot of these birds out in the woods,” she says.

 

“Yeah.” He rubs at his nose and looks her full in the face. “Beth, can I see yer stitches?”

 

“Ya ain’t supposed ta ask her DJ! Mama said no!” Beau says. DJ’s face is flushed and Beth bites her lips so she doesn’t smile.

 

“It’s okay Beau. He can see. You wanna see too?” Beau is nodding and Beth looks at Daryl. “Can you help me, I don’t want to just rip it off…” Something flashes across his face and for a minute she thinks he might say no. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t. Because it hurts. Without hesitating she climbs off the futon and reaches for his hand forgetting the boys are there, forgetting everything except the need to touch him.

 

“Hey, you don’t have too, you don’t Daryl.” He rests a hand on hers that she laid on his chest. 

 

“ ‘S okay. Com’on. Prolly should change that bandage anyway.” 

 

The four of them crowd into the tiny bathroom and Daryl gently removes the bandage. Beau and DJ crowd around when she kneels down and they both agree Beth was brave. Maybe not as brave as little DJ was, but brave nonetheless. Their nonstop chatter seems to calm Daryl and Beth doesn’t see what she saw in his eyes earlier. That hurt.

 

His eyes meet hers and she tries very hard to convey all the love she feels for him in that shared look. Before he covers the stitches with a fresh gauze pad he runs his finger over them and Beth closes her eyes and smiles. He’s touching her scar and it’s just a part of her, he’s loving it like he loves all of her.

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

Something significant happened in the bathroom earlier that day, he can’t say exactly what, but it was something. Changing her bandages, DJ watching closely, he let himself do what he wanted to, he touched it. Ran his finger along the rough edge of the stitches and let out a breath that was tight in his chest.

 

And that was it. He let it go.

 

They eventually went and talked to Abe’s client about the cement countertops she wanted. She, being a busty redhead not much older than Daryl, who flirted shamelessly with him and his sweet Beth, who smiles at everyone got her feathers ruffled and pouted (just a little) on the drive back. Although she swears she wasn’t jealous at all. He just shook his head and lead her up the stairs and as soon as they walked into the apartment he started shedding his clothes until he was bare ass naked and she was speechless.

 

“Get undressed, I’ma show you how no one else matters but you girl…” He carried her into the bedroom bridal style and she threw her head back and laughed in his arms. And then she climbed on top of him, whispered all the dirty things he hoped she would until he was holding tight to her hips bucking his release into her and chanting her name like it was a mantra.

 

Curled up around her in bed he tried not to think about her leaving, going back home to the farm and wondering if maybe the day would come when he could ask her to stay.

 

Always. 

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

Sunday morning is waffles at Merle and Carol’s and like the last time, it feels so right being here with them. This time there are strawberries and whip cream and you’d think it was a party by how excited the boys were. They definitely piled on more than one small boy really needed but Carol didn’t call them on it and Dary joined in which led Beth to believe he might have a secret sweet tooth.

 

Then her cell phone rang and the mood changed dramatically. But Daryl sat beside her and slipped a hand into hers and that little bit of comfort did help.

 

She’s going home.

 

Going home means seeing them. All. When she talked to Maggie earlier, her sister said that Shawn would be there with Amy and the girls. 

 

She’d wanted Daryl to come with her. From the minute she decided she’d go. She’d wanted Daryl with her but she hadn’t wanted to ask him- he might not feel it was his place to be there. And then he’d offered.

 

“Beth I know ya gotta do this on yer own, but if ya want me there jus’ I don’ know. I’ll do whatever ya wan’.” She’d been standing in front of the mirror, pulling her hair up into a ponytail and he came and stood behind her. She’d turned to him and blinked back tears.

 

“You’ll come?” He’d nodded and she’d kissed him. Saying thank you.

  
  


Walking up to the porch she sees her family is all there. Waiting. It hurts but mainly it makes her angry. Because now they want to listen, now it matters? It should’ve mattered a long time ago. Daryl gives her hand a squeeze. And that little reminder that he’s here with her gives her comfort. She avoids looking at her daddy just yet because she’s afraid of what she’ll see and how it will make her feel. Instead, she looks at Shawn. Which might have been a mistake too. His eyes are hard and they’re trained on Daryl.

 

It’s late afternoon and the porch is shadowed with only stripes of sun lighting it up and Beth always liked the way it looked at this time of day. It was like the world transformed this little space into something special. But that was a long time ago. And everything has changed. She’s changed. 

 

“Hey, Beth.” Maggie moves in to hug her. She also lays a hand on Daryl’s arm. “Hi, Daryl.” Beth hears him murmur a hello back to Maggie and he keeps a hold of her hand. She glances at Amy and gives the other girl a small smile.

 

“Where are the girls?”

 

“They’re inside with Patricia. Making cookies,” Amy says. “I’ll bring them out, after…” She looks down at her feet. And Maggie crosses her arms.

 

“Oh, okay. I um,” What is she supposed to say? How does she do this? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come. Not yet anyway. She didn’t think it through, didn’t come prepared for- well anything. Glancing over at Daryl he nods a little. Touching the bandage on her cheek, she finally does let herself look at her father and he looks so sad.

 

“Ya got this girl,” he says it quietly. But since no one is talking, it sounds a lot louder than it really is. But he’s here, she isn’t alone. And Maggie’s here too.

 

She’s got this. Maybe.

 

xxxxXxxxx

 

“Yeah well, we have things to talk about.” Shawn, Beth’s brother, takes a couple of steps toward them. “So uh, he can leave now.” He can leave now? Daryl feels the muscles in his back tense up. 

 

“I ain’t going nowhere,” Daryl says in a low voice. He glances over at her daddy and the old man looks ashamed. Should be. Of all of this.

 

“This is family business, so you best be heading out to wherever you came from-” Daryl can see the way the guy puffs out his chest a little. Trying to be tough or at least look it. He can’t be that much younger than Daryl but he’s smaller. Which is why he’s obviously trying to intimidate Daryl.

 

“He’s not leaving Shawn,” Beth says a hard edge to her voice, one he hasn’t heard before.

 

“That right? And who the fuck is he?” The porch isn’t that big and it only takes a couple of steps before Shawn’s in right in front of them. Right in front of Beth actually and although she’s trying to be brave too, he sees her falter a little and her brow furrows as she looks at her brother. 

 

“He’s- this is Daryl,” she says that hard edge gone as she takes half a step back because he’s in her space now. And this pisses Daryl off. So does the fact that the guy has obviously had a few drinks. His face is red and Daryl can smell it, a faint hint of whiskey. 

 

Mother fucker.

 

“Ah, Dixon! Think you might be a little old to be- doing whatever it is your doing with my little sister?”

 

“Don’ think that's any a yer business unless she makes it so.” Daryl tries his best to maintain a level of calmness that keeps him in control of the situation.

 

“Oh, I think it might be. See my sister, she’s not really emotionally able to-”

 

“Shawn!” This from Maggie. And Shawn raises a hand in her direction. 

 

“Stay out of this Maggie.”

 

“Yer sister is just fine, no thanks to y’all.” Daryl knows it’s not his place, but he can’t let the guy keep talking like this. And Beth hasn’t moved. She’s standing beside him still holding onto him but it’s like she’s stuck.

 

“Uh huh, think we heard enough outta your redneck ass..”

 

“Shut up Shawn!” That hardness is back. Beth lets Daryl’s hand go and balls her fists at her sides as her brother whirls to face her.

 

“What did you say to me?” He moves towards Beth and raises a hand and that’s all Daryl needs, he doesn't know what the guy is gonna do but he knows what it looks like. Stepping between Beth and Shawn he gets right in his face.

 

“Ya ain’t gonna lay a hand on her!” Daryl growls. Taken by surprise Shawn falters out of fear or something else and steps back.

 

“I ain’t, who the hell are you to tell me…” His face is redder than it was seconds ago. But he’s also not so brave anymore.

 

“Shawn!” Finally, the old man has something to say. But Daryl isn’t backing down. 

 

“Ain’t gonna touch her.” Daryl pushes into Shawn’s personal space.

 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me…” And before Daryl can get a hand up Shawn clocks him right in the eye. It’s a lucky punch, but a good one.

 

“Shawn!” Amy, his wife screams, and Daryl hears the screen door and a child’s voice.

 

“Mama?” Pushing Shawn back until he’s got the wall behind him to steady him Daryl leans in really close.

 

“I outta beat yer drunk ass into the ground, but yer wife and daughters don’ need ta see that and it ain’t my place. But if you ever put yer hands on Beth I won’t even think twice.” Pushing the man away from him he backs up, wiping at his eye that’s tearing up and stinging like a bitch.

 

He turns and sees them all watching him. Amy is holding a little girl in her arms and the other one has a hold of her leg. Maggie is reaching for Beth. Hershel’s standing up and he’s shaking his head, looking at his son.

 

And Beth. She’s standing there, blue eyes wide, just looking at him. He could have ruined it all. There’s a pretty good chance he just fucked it all up. But she’s looking at his face and there’s concern, not disgust in that look. So. Holding out his hand to her says,

 

“I don’ wanna leave ya here Beth.” 

 

She doesn’t hesitate. She takes the hand he’s offering and they make their way down the stairs. Nobody calls out to them as they go. But he hears her daddy’s voice and there’s thunder in whatever it is he’s saying, it doesn't make up for anything but at least it's something.

 

Opening the passenger door he lets Beth climb in. Climbing in on the driver's side he starts up the truck and foot heavier on the gas than he intends he takes off down the dirt road leaving a cloud of dust hovering in the air behind them.

 

Right now all he wants is distance between her and them. 

 

He drives for a few minutes, letting the anger dissipate before he pulls off on the side of the road into a small copse of trees. He sits for a minute staring down at his hands where they rest in his lap, feeling all kinds of anger and shame. 

 

“Well, that didn’t go well.” Soft and low he can hear the tremor in her tone. She’s trying not to cry and that knots him up inside.

 

“Beth I’m sorry, I shoudn’ ta…” 

 

“Stop! You aren’t apologizing for my brother… you- Daryl he hit you, he…” And then she's up on her knees, a warm hand on his cheek, soft fingers tracing his cheekbone.

 

“ ‘S alright, I’ve had worse.” It’s what she does next that gets him. Leaning in she presses a soft kiss to his bruised face. 

 

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” 

 

“Nah, I can’t apologize, neither can you.” Sliding an arm around her waist he awkwardly pulls her into his lap.

 

“He was drunk. I don’t think he would have hurt me, I don’t think…” she shudders and lays against him. “But I don’t even really know anymore.”

 

“I watched my dad beat the shit out of my mama. Watched him raise fist after fist ta her. Swore I’d never be like that, never stand for anyone else doing it neither, not if I could stop it. Couldn’ stop it from happenin’ ta my mama but.. ‘M gonna be honest, if he woulda hurt ya, I would hurt him back. Worse.” Rubbing his hand down her back over the bumps of her spine he lets her breathe. Back there, that was on them. Beth came. She tried and it fell apart because of her brother. Now they’re gonna have to come to her. He’s kept out of this because it is her business and all he’s done so far is be here for her. 

 

“He would’ve deserved it, I just, I don’t want it to come to that. I want, I thought maybe it was gonna get better, you know?” She’s crying, softly, just tears and it hurts, tears him up seeing her like this.

 

“ ‘M sorry girl, I know.” He does. Family is tough. He’s lucky, he knows that. He and Merle have overcome a lot to get where they are and he’s still working through some of that shit. He doesn’t want that for her. She deserves to be happy, always. Wiping away the tears she scoots off his lap and settles beside him.

 

“Is it okay if I stay another night?” Seriously? Does she have to ask? Maybe she does. Maybe he needs to make sure she knows he’s here for her. Cupping her cheek in his hand he looks into her blue eyes, beautiful blue eyes that somehow by some miracle saw something in him worth loving. 

 

“I got you, Beth. Whatever ya need, I’m here.” Kissing her softly he shivers as her fingers wrap around his bicep.

 

“Sex, I need sex,” she whispers mischievously.

 

Fuck them all back there on that porch. He’s got her and she’s smiling and flirting and maybe tomorrow she’ll be sad again but for now, his girl is good. 

 

Once they’re home, yeah he can think of it as home because she’s here and she makes it home for him, once they’re there he pulls out plates and they eat the pizza they picked up from Rhee’s. He grabbed a six pack of beer and Beth insisted on having one but he can tell by her expression she isn’t enjoying it all that much. 

 

A knock on the door has him groaning.

 

“Them damn boys, can’t stay away from ya!” He can’t blame them though. Beth is like a light that everyone wants to be bathed in.

 

“I think they kinda like their Uncle Daryl too. I know I do!” He watches as she tips her beer bottle taking a big swallow and then burps. Her cheeks flush and she giggles.

 

“Damn Greene!” He doesn’t bother with a shirt just pulls open the door and is surprised when he finds Maggie standing there. And down at the bottom of the stairs, Hershel Greene waits, hands in his pockets.

 

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Her daddy came to her, which is a good thing because I don’t think Daryl was going to let her go again. He loves her and in my stories, he always will! Happy Sunday!!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The majority of this was written when the temps here in California were close to 100 degrees.. did it help me? I don’t know… but it sure was/is hot! I think! I hope.. anyway here it is! Enjoy! On a side note I have not let myself fully comprehend the future of the show... losing Rick is, well IMO devastating! And making Daryl lead man.. at first I was like no! Not that I doubt Norman’s ability to deliver, because given the chance and a damn voice, I think he’d be up for the challenge. If it was written right. Daryl is Daryl. I don’t want him to change all that much because I love him fiercely. So now I am trying to be optimistic. I do however see an end insight and I never let myself see that before but in the words of my favorite poet… “Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?” Mary Oliver, A Summer’s Day**
> 
> **Also thank you… for everything!**

  
  


Daryl looks over at Beth sitting on the futon wiping her mouth with a napkin. She smiles at him.

 

“You gonna let them in? Come on Daryl-”

 

“Beth?” Maggie peeks around the edge of the door and Daryl steps out onto the landing and lets her in. He waits there on the threshold between where she is and where her daddy is and wonders if this is gonna go better than it did back there on the Greene porch. Because this time… This time he won’t keep quiet. 

 

He can hear the murmur of voices as he glances down at Hershel. And a few seconds later Maggie comes out, followed by Beth. When her eyes meet his he can see the resignation there and she’s tired, he sees that too. But there’s also a little spark of hope. Damn girl ain’t ever gonna give up on ‘em. They should be so fuckin’ lucky. 

 

Reaching for her hand, he rubs his finger over her knuckles. If they expected privacy for this conversation they aren’t getting it. He isn’t going anywhere. With her other hand, she pats nervously at the bandage on her cheek

 

“I ain’t going in Beth… ain’t leaving ya out here…” He isn’t necessarily concerned about anything happening to her. He just wants to be where she can see him, look to him, if she needs to. And maybe he needs to be able to see her for his own peace of mind. Pressing a hand to the side of his face, she gives him a look that’s like a hug. It wraps around him and makes him feel grounded. 

 

As she walks down the stairs he settles himself on the top step. Arms folded across his knees he looks at the old man, dares him to say something, anything. Hershel doesn't look away and what Daryl sees in his eyes is respect. And that’s different. But he wonders what else Hershel sees. He’s older than Beth, sitting here in jeans with no shirt, tattoos, scars… a little rough around the edges. And she’s… she’s perfect. The curve of her neck underneath her ponytail. The way she holds herself, he sees a strength in her that he didn’t see at first. She’s changing, there’s a confidence in her that he likes. It makes him want to be a better man too.

 

Everything about her makes him want to be more, do more. He came back home to try and build a life that he ran from and in the midst of putting the pieces of his world back together he got her too. She’s a new piece, but she fits. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He looks so small, her daddy used to be larger than life, even though he was always older than her friends' fathers and she can’t really remember a time when he didn’t have that white beard. He was always there at least before they lost her mama. 

 

He’s standing there on two legs waiting for her and she can see by the expression on his face that he isn’t happy. He looks so sad.

 

“Beth.” There’s a hint of a smile. But it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry..” Bitter laughter follows his apology. “Such simple words for, well they don’t even begin to make up for- everything.” His throat works beneath the beard, swallowing back emotion and an ache twists it’s way through her chest, hot and sharp. 

 

Standing here with her daddy she feels small and weak. The years between her being a child and a woman seem to just disappear like dandelion seeds in the wind. But she isn’t that little girl anymore. And she’s far from weak, she’s strong, she knows she is even though she doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

 

Looking back over her shoulder at Daryl sitting at the top of the stairs, his blue eyes are focused on her and that gives her the courage to say what she says next even though it hurts. Because her daddy’s apology really doesn’t make up for anything. He can’t change that. And she realizes it isn’t fair to hold his grief against him, but the rest, the other, that’s on him.

 

“No it really doesn’t,” she says softly. “I lost mama and I lost you too. I know you loved her. I know…” Swallowing hard, she takes a deep breath, tears are the last thing she wants right now. But it hurts. “It was almost like you died with her. But you weren’t gone.”

 

Hershel seems to be at a loss for what to say. To be honest Beth expected excuses. There aren’t any though. Maggie, who had been standing between them in what Beth felt like was a neutral position, moves over beside her.

 

“We didn’t have anybody daddy. We had to do it all on our own. And that wasn’t fair.” Maggie adds. Still nothing from Hershel. Beth can sense Maggie’s frustration. She’s feeling the same way. Why’d her daddy come here if he isn’t gonna say anything? Sorry is hardly enough. Even he could admit that. His silence gives her the courage to just keep talking, say everything she wanted too, but never could. Until now.

 

“Everybody left and I couldn’t… I was stuck and- do you even know what I did, where I went who I was with? You don’t cause most of the time you were drunk.” The anger comes easy and there’s no guilt, she doesn’t seize up and immediately try to fix it, she doesn’t try to be good Beth.

 

“I know where she was. I may have left but I heard things. My baby sister was looking up to me and I was not a good role model. You remember how the sheriff brought me home all those nights? Maybe you don’t. He was way too lenient on me and Shawn. Beth got lucky. She never got caught.” Maggie’s laughter is quick and harsh. 

 

“Maybe if I would’ve, maybe if someone had been paying attention.. but this isn’t about that. All this time I’ve blamed myself for your fall. My stupid, selfish, actions ruined everything…” The tears are coming even if she doesn’t want them to. They burn as they fill her eyes and she brushes at them, roughly running a hand over her bandaged cheek. Sucking a breath through her teeth at the twinge of pain she keeps going. 

 

“I’ve been carrying this, this burden and it was never mine to bear! I was just a kid… I was hurting too.” Wrapping her arms around her body she forces herself to look him in the eyes. “I trusted you, even when I knew you weren’t doing your best, I trusted you cause you’re my daddy. And then you-”

 

“Bethy-” She steps back, stumbles a little and his hand falls short. Shaking her head slowly. Hugs might have fixed things when she was little. They don’t have that power anymore.

 

“I don’t even know where to start.” Rubbing his face he clasps his hands in front of him. “I failed you, all of you. I dishonored your mama's memory… I, I loved her so much. She was my world and when she was gone I didn’t want to go on. It took a long time and a wake up call from a child that no parent wants to get. Even then I continued to fail you… I should’ve been straight with all of you,“ Hershel says to both girls, ”but after everything, I just wanted to move on. I wanted us to heal, to be a family again.” If it’s possible her daddy looks even smaller like he’s shrinking with every word he says. Still, he looks determined. 

 

“Maggie and Shawn missed me… and they came home and I thought… I didn’t know they missed me, wanted to be with me-” Now it’s Maggie’s arms that are wrapped around her. 

 

“Beth neither daddy or I knew Shawn had been drinking that much. I’m sorry he hit Daryl, just wish Daryl woulda hit him back. Harder.” That was another thing that was lingering in the back of her mind. When everything falls apart he’s been here. Like there was a space waiting for him to fill it up. 

 

“Your brother has a problem, I have a problem. Beth, I came here to tell you that I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I can’t make up for any of it. But I can work on making it better, being better. We all can. We’re still a family. I love you, I love you both and Shawn and my granddaughters. I asked Maggie and now I’m asking you, can you give all of us a chance?” There’s a hint of the daddy she remembers from before- the one who guided them and loved them. 

 

Is it possible that the cocoon that’s holding them all so tightly is loosening? It’s still hard to breathe but she feels like she can stretch her wings just a little, she can do that. It’s also scary because that cocoon has been all she knows and she hasn’t been able to go past a certain point. Unless she pushed.

 

It’s already happening though. The man waiting for on the stairs behind her, he’s out there. Not wrapped up in the papery folds of a broken heart, a broken home. He’s out there and she wants to be out there too. With Daryl, with her daddy and Maggie and her nieces and even Shawn. 

 

“I just wanted to tell you that.” She looks back at him and nods, notices how he glances up at Daryl. Hershel’s face hardens just the slightest and for a second before it’s gone she sees fear there. 

 

She hears footsteps and she knows he’s coming because that’s all he’s done, from that first day in the woods.

 

They buried a bird and that made them friends.

 

She fell in love with him. He fell in love with her. Simple. 

 

Not even close.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s going on instinct, something in the old man’s glance seemed to require that he do this. He’s walking down the stairs and where only a few minutes ago he didn’t much give a shit that he was shirtless, now he’s self-conscious and fighting the urge to turn around and go back into the apartment and grab a shirt. Wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans he comes up behind Beth, close enough that he can feel the warmth radiating off her, but not touching her. He wants to take hold of her shoulders, pull her against him, take comfort in her. Make sure she’s okay. And he will. After.

 

“Daryl I want to apologize for my son's behavior. Like Maggie told Beth neither of us was aware that he had been drinking as much as he had. And I appreciate your restraint.”

 

“Wasn’t gonna hit the guy in front of his wife, his little girls… but if he woulda laid a hand on Beth…”

 

“Shawn wouldn’t have hurt his little sister.” Daryl doesn’t respond to that because there’s no good answer. Alcohol changes everything. Hershel knows that. “Beth can come home if she wants. I appreciate you being-”

 

“Daddy, I’ll come home when I’m ready.” Daryl feels the ghost of a smile but he holds on to it. Hershel can play the dad card now, and Daryl doesn't doubt the man’s concerned or that he loves his daughter. But this is Beth’s call. Not Hershel’s, not even Daryl’s. 

 

But she doesn’t want to go home. How the hell does he know that? Regardless of all the things he does know, things she's told him, shared with him, he knows this. She doesn’t want to go home. Not to that home, not yet. 

 

He wasn’t touching her before but she’s touching him now. Backing up a little to press against him. It’s subtle. But Hershel notices. And it isn’t even about Beth making a choice, choosing Daryl over them. Girl is doing what she has to for herself. 

 

“Ok.” It turns out Hershel knows a little about restraint too. Daryl senses this isn’t over, this conversation they’re having. But it won’t go any further right now. “Well, Beth you call me okay?” Daryl feels her nod against his chest and then she does step away and she hugs her daddy and it’s a good thing.

 

And then Maggie is squeezing in between her daddy and Beth and hugging her sister and murmuring things and before he sees it coming Beth’s sister has him wrapped in a hug too.

 

“Thank you for being here for her. You, you’re a good guy. I like you.” She backs off and Daryl shrugs uncomfortably because what the hell is he supposed to say. He doesn’t need thank yous. He just needs Beth. That’s all. 

 

Maggie’s car is parked by the house and as they walk away Daryl calls out,

 

“I meant what I said about the truck. If ya need any help figurin’ it out jus’ lemme know.” He can feel Beth’s gaze on him and when Hershel turns to give him a nod and a wave he sees the same blue in the old man’s eyes that he’ll see when he looks down into the eyes of the girl he loves.

 

He feels her hand in his. Her fingers sliding over his palm and finding a place between his. Holding hands. He never knew how much he likes holding hands. Her hands.

 

“Daryl, I wanna go up.. can we-”

 

“Com’on.” Taking her hand they climb the stairs and go back inside. Letting go of his hands Beth sits on the futon, crosses her legs and stares at her hands in her lap. Turning the deadbolt on the door, because well- interruptions. He sits down beside her kind of at a loss as to what to do or say. 

 

“How do I know what to do Daryl?” Good question. Unfortunately, he has absolutely no idea either. But maybe…

 

“Whadda ya wanna do?” She sighs softly and looks over at him. Big blue eyes. Kinda like her daddy’s but all her own. And there’s something about the way she looks at him that twists him up inside.

 

“I want… To try.” She’s so beautiful. And once again he’s thinking how she doesn't give up. Even when she was there all alone feeling like she’d been deserted by everyone, she didn’t give up. He loves this about her. He loves everything about her.

 

“Then that’s what ya do.” Her smile is, well it’s a smile from Beth so it’s always something, but this one is softer and like before he can see she’s tired. Leaning over he kisses her cheek, right below the bandage. Before he can pull away she turns her face and kisses him back. On the lips. And where his kiss was him offering comfort her’s is asking for something else. 

 

Before he can do anything she’s in his lap, hands on his shoulders pushing him back against the cushions, kissing him again, opening her mouth against his, sliding her warm tongue over his lips, driving him crazy in a matter of seconds.

 

“This is me saying thank you, Daryl,” she breathes, “for always being here for me, for always…” No ‘thanks yous’ is what he told her unless it’s a kiss. They agreed on that. Now she’s being sneaky doing both at once. And he’s not complaining, not at all. He covers her mouth with his, slides a hand up and under her ponytail. 

 

He’s thinking about how this is where and how it all started Friday night when she shifts on his lap, moves one bent knee between his legs right up against the hard lump in his jeans.

 

“Daryl, I need…” she whimpers. Her hands on his chest steady her as she presses herself down on his thigh, circles her hips slightly. The sudden realization of what she’s actually doing, how her thighs are tense on either side of his leg and she’s grinding against him…

 

“Fuck,” he breathes and rests his hands on her hips, holds her, essentially helps her as she uses his leg to get herself off.

 

This might be the single most erotic thing he’s ever experienced in his life.

 

“Whadda ya need girl… whadda ya.. fuck Beth!” Her knee keeps bumping his cock and the pressure is amazing. He could probably come like this, watching her, feeling her, knowing what she wants.

 

“I…” He’s not going to make her say it. He knows. He gets it. Today was hard and now she needs something to let it all go. He's something and she picked him. So he’s gonna make sure she gets what she needs. Leaning in, forehead against hers he has one hand on her hip and the other he slides around to the button on her jean shorts. He hesitates for a second, gives her the chance to stop him. Maybe she wants to do this herself. But she doesn’t stop him. So.

 

He gets the button undone and the zipper and slips a hand down the front of her shorts and panties. He nudges two fingers between her lips and she’s already so wet. She hisses as his fingers find her clit.

 

“This what ya need,” he whispers. 

 

“Yeah… yeah. Just don’t move Daryl, don’t…” She lets her head drop to his shoulder and he feels the flex of the muscles in her legs as she speeds up the push and drag rhythm she’s got going on.

 

“Com’on… yer close aren’t ya?” Kissing into her hair and nipping on the side of her ear he can tell she’s close, she’s lost her rhythm now and she’s just humping down on his fingers. She wraps her arms around his neck, arches her back and shudders against him.

 

“Daryl….” He’ll never get tired of hearing his name from her lips when she’s coming. It’s like music, his new favorite song. Pushing one finger deeper and inside of her he can feel her pussy flutter around his finger as the rest of her body goes loose against him. Slipping his hand from her shorts he kisses her temple.

 

“Better?” She responds with shaky laughter. She sits up, a lazy smile on her face. Satisfied. He did that. She’s blushing, and suddenly shy.

 

Her gaze is soft until he raises his fingers, slick and wet, to his mouth. Her lips part and she watches as he sucks them clean. Her own tongue swiping softly along her bottom lip. On a whim, he reaches between them and runs a finger over her lips pushing it into her mouth. The fact that she’s tasting herself on his finger is doing all kinds of things to him. Groaning he palms himself with his other hand. He’s to the point where he’s uncomfortably hard.

 

Sliding from his lap to the floor. She settles on her knees between his outstretched legs. And oh. She’s...

 

This is one fantasy he never let himself have. For a number of reasons. But.

 

Brushing his hand aside she cups his hard cock and it jerks in response to her touch. When she’s got her fingers on the button of his jeans he lays his hand over hers.

 

“Ya ain’t gotta…” 

 

“I want to. Is it okay?” The puzzled look on her face amuses him. But he’s nervous. This is different. Do nice girls do this?

 

“Ya ever, I mean you said you haven’t… shit Beth..” It’s weird and he’s so far out of his element. Discussing sex with his girlfriend. Asking questions, liking things he didn’t think he cared for either way. Doing things he never imagined he’d do.

 

“I have. I’ve, yeah.” Now she looks a little uncertain. “I don’t have too…”

 

“You wanna?” She squeezes him again, gently, looks up at him with those big blue eyes and nods. Nice girls do. Fuck. 

 

Tugging on the button and zipper he lifts up enough to slide his jeans down over his hips. His cock, dark red, the head already slick with pre-come juts up from between his legs. He hisses as she takes him in her hand, wraps her fingers around him and then looks at him again questioning.

 

“I wan’ ya too,” His girl is a nice girl, but she’s got a wicked look in her eyes and as she lowers her mouth over him he watches and he realizes that any fantasy he might have tried to have couldn’t compare to the reality.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Pushing aside the questions she has about his hesitancy and her own insecurities because he’s a man and even though she’s done this before, she hasn’t done it all that much and she wants it to be good for him. Amazing even. Like everything he’s done to her has been.

 

She’s comparing herself to all those invisible women he must have been with. 

 

Pushing all that aside she takes her cues from him and when she takes him in her mouth, swirls her tongue around the head of his cock his hands go to her head, tangle in her hair and he’s breathing her name and whimpering and this is definitely all the encouragement she needs.

 

There’s no question now. He wants this.

 

Letting her hand slide up and down the length of him, she likes the feel of him. He’s bigger than Jimmy and different. Comparing him to Jimmy doesn't feel right. He’s nothing like her past. He’s so much more and she loves him. 

 

“Jesus fucking christ girl… I ain’t gonna, I can’ hold out much longer.” He’s panting and it’s so sexy. He’s a pretty reserved guy so seeing him like this, knowing she’s doing it to him is like a secret they share.

 

“It’s okay Daryl, you can come, I want you to come…” She breathes hot breath against him, flicks her tongue over this tip of his cock, and relishes in the throaty ‘fuck’ she receives in return.

 

“Where’da ya want me ta... “ He’s shaking now and he’s close. He’s asking her where like what she wants matters. Of course, it does. This is Daryl and he makes her feel like she’s a damn princess. So maybe…

 

“Um, my mouth… come in my mouth.” Yes, she’s done this. Kind of. Not like she plans on doing it now. Because what she said, it had the effect she was hoping for as Daryl’s hips snap up and his hand's fist into her hair.

 

“Ya sure, ya... “ She’s sure. Takes more of him, sucks even harder so he knows.  _ It’s okay Daryl.  _ He arches up off the couch but he’s careful not to choke her, she can feel that little bit of restraint. And then he’s hot in her mouth and down her throat and it’s nothing like she thought it would be. It’s so much better.

 

Before she can do anything else he hauls her up his body and kisses her, licking into her mouth tasting himself like she tasted herself on his fingers. And it’s so incredibly perfect.

 

“I love you, Daryl... I-” He silences her with another kiss and it tastes like him and she wants to laugh at how this is everything. He’s so beautiful the way he loves her, cherishes her. Everything he does, everything. Even this, which was for him, but her too.

 

“Girl I wanna keep ya forever… I wanna… Beth, I love you too, love ya so much.” 

 

It’s not just this. It’s not just sex. It’s so much more and it’s happening so fast, all of it. She wants to keep him too. Forever. But that’s a big word and it’s scary because it’s been a long time since she’s thought about having something to keep forever. 

 

Everything good always goes away. She can think about it though. And they can take their time. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Turns out the futon he thought was a temporary seating option until he bought something better is good for more than sitting. After he was able to let her go, leave his arms to use the bathroom he pulled the futon into a bed again and now they’re laying here together, not saying much and he wonders if it’s just him or the is air heavy with something that’s not being said.

 

He has a pretty good idea.

 

“Ya alright?” he asks. She doesn’t answer right away and that’s okay. She’s thinking. Turning on his side and resting his head on his palm he looks at her and waits. 

 

“Yeah, I’m good... I’m... I don’t even know where that came from Daryl,” soft laughter, “I just needed… I can do that with you, I can be me.”

 

“Course ya can.” Brushing a wisp of hair from her forehead he keeps watching because she isn’t finished. 

 

“I like that.” And. “You said you wanna keep me, forever,” Yeah. “That’s scary… I mean, it’s just, things always fall apart and I don’t get this. I don’t get to be happy.” The last part comes out in just a whisper and he cups her chin in his hand, tilts her face up so he can look at her.

 

“Maybe ya gotta let it happen. Maybe we both do.” Saying what he’s been thinking for awhile now wasn’t even hard. And that’s probably because he’s saying it to her. She can be herself with him and he’s finding out he can do the same.

 

“Yeah? Yeah… You make it sound so easy.” Curling into him, she gets a hold of his hand, laces her fingers with his.

 

“Cause it is Beth.” She smiles like he just told her something amazing, incredible, and maybe he did.

 

“We got time. We can take our time…” 

 

“That’s what we’re doing. Well, ‘sides sex. Ain’t gotta do nothin’ but… this,” he says waving his hand above his head and feeling like a complete idiot, but she gets it. Thank god she gets it because he can’t do any better trying to put into words what he feels. What he wants.

 

“I only want you,” she whispers. She’s good with words because those four make him feel like the other three she’s said more than a few times now. Words no one else has ever spoken to him and made him believe. He believes her.

 

A loud knock has him rolling over groaning.

 

“Ain’t a kid, fucking Merle.” Beth jumps up and opens the door. And yes it’s Merle and he laughs at the door being locked and the futon pulled out into a bed. And then he rubs his face and gets all serious.

 

“I got the barbecue going, we promised them kids and shit! They don’t ferget stuff like that. They also didn’t ferget y’all said ya’d come.” Folding his arms across his chest he waits.

 

“Of course we’ll be there! I’m starving!” Beth heads out the door and down the stairs.

 

“I bet ya are,” Merle says looking over at Daryl. “Bet ya both are! Might wanna close them blinds all the way. Locking that deadbolt might not be enough!” Snickering Merle heads out the door and Daryl is left looking at the small window beside the door. 

 

Sure enough, the blinds are open. 

****  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **There you have it! And no Merle is not a creepy peeping Tom! He’s just Merle and I love when he torments his baby brother! It’s all outta love! Until next week!!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This was supposed to be a little filler chapter. It’s still definitely a filler but it’s not so little and that’s okay. Beth went home and Daryl misses her and they are both having all kinds of feelings. Thank you all for reading and reviewing and commenting... This story is definitely fueled by all of you. I write because I love it but when others love it too, it’s twice as nice! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 21**

 

For a couple of days, it felt like they were living a different life. Daryl took her to work and picked her up and she sat on his futon with him in the evenings and washed her hair in his shower and held on tight to the fact that for a moment she had the fairytale.

 

It was getting harder not to believe that maybe, just maybe she could have it. 

 

She finally did go home because as much as they loved that little place they’d created together they both knew it couldn’t last, not like that, not yet.

 

But maybe someday.

 

For now what they had was more than enough. She doesn’t want to rush it. The love and the sex and the early morning conversations where she does all the talking, that can keep moving as it had been. But they’d been pretending with all the other stuff. Her at his place, almost making it her place too. At least that’s how she feels, but she hasn’t said too much to him about it because it’s okay to be nervous about all that. They’ll figure it out. What they have between them is still new even though it feels like it’s been there inside of her all this time, like a memory she couldn’t quite recall until he was there. 

 

Going back to the farm was not what she’d imagined it would be. Her daddy didn’t make a big deal about it, he didn’t try and talk about anything that had been said. He smiled at her, hugged her asked her about her job and how it was going. He asked about Merle and how he was doing after the surgery. He asked about Daryl. And then it was almost like nothing had ever happened, except she had a cut on her face that was going to leave a scar.

 

No one has said anything about that. Not the fact that it will leave a scar. 

 

Her daddy did acknowledge it in a way, he asked when she’d be seeing the doctor. And he apologized again. And that was it. 

 

There are some words that are never spoken. 

 

“I was thinking I’d give Daryl a call, I could use some help figuring out how to manage the truck. It’s tougher than I expected. Do you think he’d be okay with that?” They’re in the kitchen, her daddy’s having breakfast and she grabbed a banana and granola bar to take with her on the way to work.

 

“Of course he would. He told you to call. Daryl wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it.” They way she felt it with her whole body when she said his name, she misses him and hoped that maybe he’d just show up. Pull up in Merle’s truck or come walking out of the woods. Silly things she’d think while she was finishing up chores. He texted sometimes 4 or 5 times a day and she’d been just as bad. And he’d called. Every single night right around the time she was crawling into bed, just to tell her he loved her.

 

The first night he did it she’d cried after they hung up. He loved her. His voice right there next to her ear every night had become something she looked forward to.

 

“He means a lot to you doesn’t he?” She feels a little like a deer in the headlights. And she’s unsure how to respond only because they’ve never done this. Not because she doesn’t know the answer to the question. She absolutely knows. But there had never been talks around the table with her daddy about boys and crushes. No vague threats that he’d be waiting for her after a date and he may or may not have a shotgun. Never anything like that.

 

“Yeah, he does.” She waits for Hershel to comment, say whatever it is he’s thinking because she can see that he is, she knows her daddy well.

 

“I, I just want to make sure he’s good to you, that he’s been-”

 

“Daddy.” She could refuse. Because it isn’t any of his business beyond his concern for her. She doubts very much he’ll try and use the old, ‘you live under my roof’ because he’s not the type to be that petty. And just like she loves him regardless of his faults, he loves her regardless of the mistakes he’s made. 

 

So she’ll just be honest.

 

“Daryl is… he’s good to me.” That’s it? She has a whole novel in her head about the ways that Daryl Dixon is good to her, how he came out of nowhere and changed everything. He’s even changed the way she thinks about herself. He’s her person. He’s her sun. Wherever they’re going, she thinks they’re going together, she hopes they are. She can’t even begin to imagine a future that Daryl isn’t a part of.

 

She doesn’t tell her daddy all that. There’s no point. Besides she doesn’t want to share any of that with him. 

 

“He’s a good man daddy.” Grabbing her breakfast and car keys she smiles at her father who has somehow become a stranger. “I gotta go. Friday is my busiest day at the library.”

 

“Okay. Have a good day Bethy.” Her childhood nickname. It’s made her feel loved and special, it’s infuriated her and embarrassed her, but now it just feels wrong. And that’s so incredibly painful. 

 

But she doesn’t have it in her to take that away from him. 

 

Cranking up the radio and tearing the package on the granola bar open with her teeth, Beth steers her car out to the road towards town. Passing by the Dixon’s turn off she wonders if Daryl’s home and if he’ll want to see her tonight.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

With Beth gone everything feels a little less. Less what he’s not sure. Just less. He stays busy in the garage with the Merle, hangs out with the kids. He has a follow-up doctor's appointment with Dr. Jenner and unless he has any issues he doesn’t have to come back.

 

And he misses her.

 

They text and talk on the phone and he sometimes has to shake his head because who is this person he’s become? He’s never done this. But then he’s never fallen in love either. It’s good though. He wants it. All of it. Well, most of it.

 

Daryl doesn’t doubt that Beth is okay. That going home wasn’t a mistake. He doesn’t for one second think it’s easy. But she’s okay. And she wants to try. He might not be able to read it in her texts unless she explicitly says she’s not okay, but he’d hear it in her voice if she wasn’t. And her voice on the phone every night is soft and sweet and full of hope when she says anything about her family. It’s also almost as good as a kiss would be before he falls asleep.

 

Until he hangs up. Then his mind is free to wander and his brain has been fucking with him lately. 

 

He’s okay. But he’s also not. He’s struggling with his own demons. It doesn’t make any sense, at least not to anyone he might try to explain it to and there is no one he’d attempt to do that with. He could with her. But even then he’s sure he’d fuck it all up and leave her wondering what the hell she sees in him.

 

This is what his stupid head does though. When things are good. It finds all the reasons why they shouldn’t be. And with her, there are a few that he’s convinced himself are plausible. But there’s one big one that’s been there all along. 

 

Their age difference. 

 

It doesn’t seem to bother her. She said so when she asked him his age and said he wasn’t too old to be her friend. But that was before all of this. What they’re doing now. Sex has changed a few things.

 

How he looks at her for one. She deserves everything and he can’t figure out why he is everything she wants. She was stuck and now she’s working her way through that and there is so much she still has to do. Still can do. Things he never did because well it just didn’t work that way for Daryl 

 

But it can for her.

 

And he thinks what if all of this, them, is about her being lost and struggling with her family and he just happened to be there, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to, safe cause he’s Merle’s brother.

 

That’s bullshit and he knows it. But it’s an excuse and his brain finds it easier to believe the bullshit than it does the truth. Which is Beth loves him. She loves him and wants to be with him. On his futon, in his bed, wherever they are together. She wants to be there. Why is that so hard for him to accept?

 

Rolling over he looks at the time on his phone. He hung up with her two hours ago and he’s still laying here hearing her brother’s voice echoing his head.

 

_ ‘Think you might be a little old to be doing whatever it is your doing with my little sister?’ _

 

_ ‘... we heard enough outta your redneck ass…’ _

 

It’s stupid. Shawn was drunk and only being a dick because he got caught keeping secrets. Hell Daryl can’t be that much older than Shawn. And he doesn’t need or want Shawn's approval.

 

And then earlier that day he and Abe had taken a load of materials over to the house where he’d be doing the countertops and floor. They’d unloaded it in the garage and the homeowner, the busty redhead he and Beth had met, Paula he thinks that’s what she said her name was, came out and offered them a beer which they declined. 

 

She’d asked where his ‘daughter’ was laughing the entire time, knowing full well Beth wasn’t his daughter. And then as they were on their way out she’d added, 

 

_ ‘You’re a little old for her don’t you think? You just let me know when you’re ready for a real woman!’  _

 

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Only her.

 

But she's got the whole world ahead of her and so many possibilities.

 

Doesn’t he too though? Is there an age when possibility is no longer possible?

 

She makes him feel like anything is possible, everything as long as he’s beside her.

 

She’s just beginning and he’s starting over and they can meet in the middle. They already have. 

 

He’s got to let this go. Because for the first time in his life he has something worth fighting for. His brother, his family. And her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Shelving the last two books Beth sits down at one of the small tables where she has the leftover materials from the activities she did with the children at story hour. Stacking them neatly, she’s filing them away in her activity box when she hears the door. After story hour the library is usually pretty quiet until the pool at the high school closes and then they get a few older kids.

 

But Beth’s always gone by then. She hears footsteps and then Daryl is walking into the children’s section looking like he’s in a foreign country.

 

She wanted this, hoped for it, that he’d just show up. But this, him coming into the library, it’s even better than if he’d shown up on the farm.

 

“Daryl?” He might be completely out of his element but that crooked grin that she loves so much is there and he’s wearing a shirt with no sleeves and his sunglasses are tucked in the collar and he’s standing in her library.

 

“Hey, sorry ta jus’ show up. I wanted ta see, ya know, where ya work.” He shrugs and he’s blushing a little and looking around the room.

 

“I’m glad you just showed up,” she says softly. And she makes her way over to him unsure of how to do this in public. She wants to kiss him, but it’s different than the alley by the grocery store. She was feeling daring then, right now she’s overwhelmed by the fact that he came to see her. At work. 

 

So she settles for standing beside him. Close enough, but far enough. 

 

“How the hell ya sit in those tiny chairs?” he asks and she giggles because she’s imagining him trying to fit himself into one.

 

“Well, this is the children’s section so it’s mainly little people sitting in these chairs. You’ve never been in here before?” she asks.

 

She can’t imagine living somewhere your entire life and not finding the library and visiting it. But her and Daryl have lived different lives. Although she thinks that he uses the woods like she uses the library. As an escape.

 

“Nah- I don’ think so. Been in the school library, when I was little.” He’s looking at her now, really looking. “Whadda ya do here? Jus' read to the kids?”

 

“Well yeah. I read and I usually have an activity for them. Art or something.” She points to a few butterflies she’s taped to the windows. They made them after reading ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’. The children sometimes leave their project for her to display. They love sharing their creations.

 

“You sit in them tiny chairs?” There’s a twinkle in his eye. He’s teasing her. And it takes all her self-control not to slide her arms around his waist and kiss him. 

 

“Not when I’m reading. I sit on the carpet with the kids. They like that.”

 

“Yeah? I think I’d like that too. Sitting on the floor next to Ms. Beth while she reads me a story.” Now he’s just being unfair, talking in that low gravelly voice and looking at her like he wants to do more than read on that carpet. He surprises her by sliding one arm around her waist and kissing her softly.

 

“You’re welcome to come for story hour, Daryl. I’ll even let you choose the book.” His laughter is music and she takes his hand and tugs on it. “Come on, I’ll give you a tour since you’ve never been in a library. It’s one of my favorite places.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Walking around the library with Beth, seeing it through her eyes he supposes he can understand why people like it. It’s cool and quiet and smells like old things, paper, and dust. Carol loves to read just like Beth. And she has shelves full of books at the house. Before he’d left for Nashville he’d even read a couple. Of course, Merle had noticed and poked fun at him, but Carol had shut him up with, ‘he’s being a good role model for the kids, so keep your mouth shut or you can forget about Watership Down.’ Daryl found out later that Carol read to Merle at night and his favorite book was Watership Down, a fantasy about rabbits. Fucking rabbits! After that Merle kept his mouth shut.

 

“I spent a lot of time here with my mama when I was little and then after she died I came here just to get away,” Beth says softly. Somewhere between the children's’ library and the stacks here in the main library he took her hand and has been holding on to it as they walk and she talks.

 

“Kinda like how I go out in ta the woods…” he’s been thinking about that. 

 

“Yes! I was thinking the same thing back there, and-” Suddenly she’s got a hand on his shoulder and she’s leaning into him brushing a soft kiss against his lips. It’s quick and she pulls away before he even gets a chance to kiss back.

 

“Wha’ was that for?” he asks reaching out and letting his fingers weave into her ponytail.

 

“Just because…” Her eyes are sparkling like they do in the sun even though they’re in the shadows of the bookshelves. 

 

Just because. 

 

They head back to the children’s section and another woman is there. Beth introduces Daryl to her. Olivia. She’s the children’s librarian and she looks the part. Long dark skirt, glasses, hair in a bun. She’s nice and it’s obvious she likes Beth, but then how could anyone not like this girl. His girl.

 

“Do you want to get lunch or something?” Daryl nods. He missed her and he’ll do anything she wants as long as they can be together. Gathering her stuff up she stops at the desk to talk to Olivia and Daryl can’t help but overhear a comment he really wishes he hadn’t overheard.

 

“I never pegged you as the type that likes older guys Beth!” It’s a completely innocent comment. But. And Beth seems to be at a loss as to what to say. She laughs a little and says her goodbyes and then she’s walking towards him smiling and he doesn’t see a single thing on her face that gives him reason to believe the comment bothered her.

 

So why does it bother him so fucking much? Like the others, Shawn, Paula… It’s a fact he’s older. It also shouldn’t matter this fucking much. But he’s let it get under his skin now and giving her what he hopes is a believable smile he takes her hand and they walk out.

 

They left his bike back in the library parking lot because he doesn’t have a helmet for her yet and now they’re sitting at a picnic table in front a burger joint that has been here forever but never seems to keep the same name for longer than a year. It’s currently going by ‘Best Burgers’ which seems to fit. The burgers are good and having stuff to put in his mouth keeps him from having to say anything. Which he has a feeling isn’t going to last.

 

“Daryl are you okay?” 

 

He was right.

 

Chewing the bite he has in his mouth, he grabs a napkin and wipes off the grease. He shrugs and makes the mistake of making eye contact. She’s looking at him and she’s waiting for something more than the simple gesture. He’d tried to just let the librarian’s comment go. But the way he’s been thinking lately the last thing his stupid brain is gonna do is let it go.

 

“ ‘M fine.” Grabbing his coke he takes a drink and forces himself not to turn is head and find her eyes and her lips and the soft tendril of hair that keeps falling across her forehead.

 

“You seem kind of quiet.” Taking a french fry she dips it in ketchup and takes a bite.

 

“ ‘M always quiet.” Just not so much anymore. Not with her. With her, he does talk, a little. Sometimes.

 

“Well quieter than usual then.” Another french fry. This time he watches mesmerized by the way she swirls it in the little puddle of ketchup.

 

“Ya ever think ‘bout going away ta college?” Cringing at how random the question is he looks over at her and he isn’t surprised by the confused expression on her face.

 

“I thought about it when, you know, Shawn and Maggie left, but I just, I never, I told you all this Daryl.” She’s giving up on the fries and she’s got her hands folded in her lap and her eyes on him.

 

“Wha’ ‘bout now, ya know, since they’re back.” He’s not sure what he’s asking. Maybe confirmation that she isn’t gonna up and leave him. That’s what it is. That’s what he needs. For now. Just something to hold on to.

 

“Now? I haven’t really… do you think I should? Leave?” Her eyes widen just a touch as if she doesn’t want to hear his answer. Well hell, of course, he doesn’t want her to leave. He doesn’t want her anywhere but with him. His brain though and all the reasons why he can’t have a good thing always seem to mess things up.

 

“No, no I don’ I jus’, I thought… Fuck, I don’t know Beth.” Balling up the remainder of his burger he stands and takes it to the trash can breathing heavily through his nose and chewing on his bottom lip. Her hand on his arm startles him a little and when he turns around she’s right there.

 

“I use to think I wanted to leave, just pack up and get as far away from everything that hurt. And maybe it would stop hurting. But you can’t run away can you Daryl? And for the first time in a long time, I don’t want too.” He reaches between them and tucks that unruly tendril of hair behind her ear and wishes he could take back everything he said. Because she looks sad and he doesn’t want that. But he has to be honest with her too.

 

“Could take classes online or somethin’. Probably be a damn good teacher.” She would. He knows that. She’d be amazing.

 

“Atlanta isn’t far either, I could drive there if I wanted too. You really think I’d be a good teacher?” Her smile is back and everything in him that was bound up tight loosens as he nods.

 

“Auntie Beth! We couldn’t come today, Claire got shots-” A little girl, her niece, he recognizes her from the farm comes running up and stops in her tracks when she sees Daryl. She’s got her hands on her hips and she’s glaring at him. And even though she’s a tiny little thing she’s fierce.

 

“Shit…” he breathes.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth looks down at Abbi who is giving Daryl the evil eye and it’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen. Because Daryl actually looks nervous.

 

“That is a bad word,” Abbi says moving closer to Daryl.

 

“Yeah, I uh, ‘m sorry ‘bout that.” He looks over at Beth and she shrugs because she isn’t sure what’s going on either. Amy comes up behind them, her eyes flicking from Abbi to Beth and then Daryl. She doesn’t say a word, just watches, and waits. But Beth can see she's fighting a smile too.

 

“You were gonna beat up my daddy.” The little girl is maintaining a calm most adults couldn’t in this situation and it’s adorable. 

 

“No, no I wouldn’t, I wasn’ gonna do that. I was jus’ worried ‘bout yer aunt.” Daryl says and Beth sees how he straightens up and gets serious.

 

“You was protecting her in case my daddy did something dumb huh? My mommy told me that.” She takes her hands off her hips and scratches her nose. Still looking up at him. Beth kneels beside her and Abbi giggles when Beth tugs on her braid.

 

“Your daddy is bossy and likes to tell me what to do. He wasn't going to hurt me. Daryl didn’t know that though. That’s all.” Abbi is nodding and smiling now.

 

“He was over acting.. or something. Mommy told me.” Abbi says earnestly.

 

“Overreacting. And you don't have to tell everyone, Abbi, remember we talked about this.” Amy joins them with a sleeping Claire in her arms. “Hey Beth, we missed story hour. Doctor visit,” she says pointing at Claire’s little arm and the two bright green bandaids there.

 

“She had to get shots. But I didn’t. I hate shots.” Abbi has moved over beside Daryl and it’s him she’s talking too. He looks completely lost and Beth can’t help but laugh. There seem to be no hard feelings as far as her niece is concerned. Hopefully, that goes for her mama as well. 

 

“Amy this is Daryl, I um, I didn’t get a chance to introduce him the other day.” Amy holds out a hand to Daryl, juggling her sleeping daughter up to her shoulder. She’s smiling but it’s a sad smile. 

 

“Hi Daryl, it’s nice to meet you. I’m so sorry about Shawn’s behavior. He, um, well-”

 

“ ‘S okay. ‘M jus sorry yer girls had ta see it.” He’s not sorry he did it though. He did it for her, he was protecting her. He’d do it again. Beth is sure of it.

 

“We came for ice cream. I promised Claire but I think she wore herself out crying.” Amy explains.

 

“I still want some! What happened to your face auntie Beth? Why is there a big ole band-aid on it?” Beth kneels back down beside her and the little girl touches the white gauze.

 

“I fell off of Nellie. She saw a snake and got scared.” Beth explains.

 

“A snake? I don’t like snakes either.” Abbi says earnestly.

 

“You know what, Daryl came and saved me. He took me to the doctor and I get all fixed up.” He carried her out of the woods like some princess and even though fairy tales aren’t supposed to be real and she stopped hoping for them a long time ago...

 

Daryl came along and he’s the reason she’s remembering why she loved them for so long.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl offered to buy ice cream and when he headed over to the counter to order Abbi followed him. She talks a lot and he can’t keep up but he’s also relieved that she’s not afraid of him after what happened at the farm.

 

“Wha’ kinda cone ya want?” Daryl asks looking down at the little girl.

 

“I’unno, can I see?” She’s pointing to the counter and Daryl scoops her up and sets her on the ledge so she can peer through the windows at the people working inside.

 

“They got funny hats!” She giggles. Daryl taps his hand on the window where there are pictures of the ice cream they offer.

 

“Gotta pick somethin’.” She looks over the menu and points to a vanilla cone dipped in chocolate. Daryl orders and digs into his pocket for his wallet.

 

“Did my daddy do that to your eye?” Abbi is looking up at him and he completely forgot about the black eye he’s sporting thanks to Shawn’s lucky punch. Looking away from her prying eyes he nods and pushes the bills he has out under the little window. “My daddy drinks beers. That’s bad cause they make him over act,” she says struggling with the big word.

 

This sets off an alarm deep inside of Daryl. Something old, something that’s been there for as long as he can remember. But he didn’t remember until just now.

 

_ ‘Go play in the woods Daryl, find yerself a frog, baby. I’ll come get ya in a while.’ _

 

Which really translated to, stay away from your daddy while he’s drunk so he doesn’t beat your ass too. The girl behind the counter hands him Abbi’s cone first and he gives it to the little girl and sets her on the ground.

 

“Go on over with yer mama and yer aunt.” She’s so tiny. Little hands and arms and tiny bones that break like matchsticks.

 

“Okay. Thank you for the ice cream, Daryl!” She runs away and Daryl feels a new weight settle on his shoulders, one he didn’t ask for and he doesn’t want. He swore to himself that he’d never treat a woman like his daddy treated his mama. And he wouldn’t stand for any man doing that if he could stop it. He never thought about kids though. Kids like him. Anger surges through him dark and red. Abbi is happy and smiling, eating ice cream. She’s nothing like he was. Nothing. 

 

Juggling three more cones in his hands he makes his way back over to the girls and overhears a snippet of conversation.

 

“Beth, your boyfriend…”

 

Here it comes. He can add it to the others. All the reasons why...

 

“He’s hot!” 

 

Well, that was unexpected and he feels his face heat up hot enough to melt all three of the cones he’s got in his hands. Beth and Amy are giggling when he walks up and pushes the dripping cones in front of them. Beth takes them smiling at him.

 

“Yum! Thank you, Daryl.” Her eyes flick up to his and recognition flashes there. He likes that. He likes it a lot, so much so he leans down and kisses her chastely and whispers,

 

“Yer welcome.” 

  
  


By the time they’re back in Beth’s car and headed toward the library Daryl is pretty sure Abbi is okay. Abbi isn’t Daryl, she doesn’t have to hide in the woods when her daddy is being a dumbass. 

 

But he really shouldn’t fucking be one. 

 

Beth takes a turn in a direction that is not towards the library and after taking a few more turns they end up behind the elementary school. A chain link fence encloses a field with a baseball diamond and grass and trees. And he remembers, vaguely, wandering around that field when he went to school there. A very long time ago. Before the beautiful girl sitting next to him was even born.

 

A sigh from her brings his attention back to the present and he glances over at her.

 

“Why ya bring me out here?” Her gaze is kind of uncomfortable. But he won’t squirm or look away. He’ll wait for her to say whatever it is she needs to say.

 

“Did you ask me about college earlier because you think I’m leaving?” He could shrug it off, refuse to say anything. But he won’t.

 

“I jus’ thought, things are gettin’ better maybe… Got yer whole life ahead of ya girl.”  _ Why ya wanna waste it on me? _

 

“I do. But Daryl if you’re not in it…” Taking her hand he lifts it to his face and rests his lips on her soft skin.

 

“Ain’t use ta things being good.”

 

“Me either. It’s scary. it’s… I want us, oh.. I want everything. I just think we have time.”

 

“We do?” If she can confirm this for him and make him believe it maybe his stupid brain will turn off the part of him that is afraid of believing in the good things. The part that’s afraid that if he doesn’t grab her and run she’ll somehow disappear.

 

“I do. We’ve got all the time in the world if we want it. You want that?”

 

_ I want forever, can I have forever? _

“Yeah, I wan’ that. With you.” Her smile, god her smile and the fact that she’s giving it to him. He doesn’t deserve it, but she’s giving it to him all the same.

 

They have time. For all of it. 

 

And maybe he can tell her everything that his stupid brain makes him believe and she can tell him a little bit more about what she’s afraid of too. And they can work through it all little by little.

 

They have time.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Rolling down the windows in her car Beth watches as Daryl pulls out of the parking lot. On his motorcycle with the sun on his arms that aren’t covered up by sleeves. And she imagines what it would be like riding behind him, wrapping her arms around him, holding on to him. 

 

She’d wanted to kiss him before he left. But there were kids parking their bikes and yelling to each other across the expanse of grass in front of the library so she’d settled for a quick hug and then after a few awkward seconds she’d pulled open her door and he’d walked a few steps backward.

 

“I’ll call ya,” he’d said.

 

“Okay.” And then he was gone.

 

Pulling out of the lot and going in the same direction Daryl had she feels a little letdown. One sweet afternoon was not enough. It had been perfect, even the conversation in the car that got heavy and seeing her nieces and Abbi’s honesty. It wasn’t enough though. 

 

She thought he might ask her to hang out or something. But maybe that heavy conversation had him thinking… Thinking what she isn’t sure but something. He’s so quiet. But today that quiet held something more and she’s pretty sure he didn’t share everything that was bothering him. She can’t force him though. Maybe giving him his space... 

 

Her phone is vibrating in her purse and the volume she didn’t turn all the way down is emitting a soft jingle. Her ringtone. Pulling it out she glances at it. Its a text from Daryl.

 

_ ‘Stop at the lightning tree.’ _

 

He knows the lightning tree? The fact that they share that knowledge, the legend of the lightning tree lifts her spirits. Tossing her phone back in her purse she speeds up just a little and follows the road out of town and what is really only a few minutes feels like hours. His motorcycle is already there and he’s leaning against it smoking a cigarette.

 

He puts the cigarette out under his boot when she gets out of the car.

 

“You know the lightning tree, Daryl?” He doesn’t answer just pulls her in close and kisses her like she wanted him to more than once today. She can taste the cigarette he was smoking and the ice cream from earlier and it makes her dizzy. 

 

“Thas’ better. Been wanting to do that since I saw you sitting in them tiny chairs.”

 

“You could’ve… But it’s okay. This, this is better.” His smug smile and the way he tightens his arms around her doesn’t help that dizzy feeling she’s got.

“Was gonna ask ya before, but I was jus’... you wanna go on that date?” The date. He’d asked her and even though they’ve been doing everything else in between they didn’t really ever do that.

 

A date. He’ll come and he’ll pick her up from her house and she’s never done that, never gone on a real date. Nodding she looks down and the gravel under her feet blinking back tears. How could he ever think she’d want to go away now?

 

“Hey? Ya okay?”

 

“Yeah, I just, I’ve never been on a real date you know? Not like, well not ever.” Looking up into his dark blue eyes she’s going to make sure he knows, every single day that she isn’t leaving. He’s not just a temporary place for her to find calm in the storm that her life can sometimes be. He’s more.

 

“I ain’t been on a real one either. So tha’s good. Can’t mess up huh?” As if. Everything they’ve been doing together, even if it isn’t the first time, it feels like it and she doesn't regret any of it.

 

“No.. and even if we do how are we gonna know?” 

 

“Com’ere.” Pulling her into a hug he whispers into her hair,

 

“Never thought I’d already be in love 'fore the first date.”

 

“Me neither…” she whispers back slipping her hands into his hair and pulling him down for another kiss.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **And they’re finally going on their first date! Sometimes things don’t necessarily have to go in any certain order. Beginnings, middles, endings, they happen all the time and over and over again.. possibilities. Happy Sunday and for those of you in the northern hemisphere, here comes summer!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It’s date night.. and also time to come clean. Enjoy! I appreciate all the love! You guys are all so kind. Thank you!!**

 

He’s never been on a date, not a pick her up at home and tell her daddy he’ll have her back by curfew kind of date. There’ve been women, at the bars, the bowling alley, who he hung out with, drank with, did other things with. And before that when he was younger there were parties and a few girls. But he never went to their houses or took them to his and he never met their fathers.

 

And Beth doesn’t have a curfew. From what she’s told him it doesn’t sound like she ever had one.

 

But she does have a father and although Daryl has met the man more than once, he’s gonna have to meet him again and the circumstances are different enough that he’s got a little anxiety going on as he drives to her house. He’s in Merle’s truck because he isn’t ready to take her on the bike yet. 

 

He plans on getting a helmet for her this weekend though. Because he has thought about it. How it would feel riding out on some deserted road that winds through the woods with her behind him, arms wrapped tight around his waist. Just the two of them. 

 

He’s never shared that part of his life with anyone else, except Merle, but even that wasn’t like what he’d like to share with Beth. He wants to show her what it is about being on a bike that he loves. How freeing it is, how it’s almost like flying. He has a feeling she’d understand and maybe she’d love it like he does. But first, he’s gotta get that helmet. He’s a good driver. But you can be damn sure he’ll be extra careful because he remembers what she looked like unconscious and bleeding in the woods and when he remembers, it hurts to breathe.

 

There aren’t any definite plans for tonight. He just knew after leaving the library that it hadn’t been enough time and he wanted to be with her, well all of the time if he had his way. She’d mentioned something about being scared and that they could take their time and it’s easy to read between the lines, but it doesn’t mean he can’t spend time with her, as much as she’ll let him.

 

Parking his truck he gets out and he hasn’t even made it up the porch steps when she comes out the screen door. She’s in a skirt. He’s seen her in a skirt before but this is different. It’s long and flowy, soft blue, like her eyes and the dark blue tank top she’s wearing shows off her shoulders, her neck, and her delicate collarbone. Her hair is up and that’s something new too. It’s not just her ponytail. There’s a braid twisted around a bun thing and he has no idea what it’s called or if it even has a name. But he likes it. He’s never paid so much attention to a woman’s hair. Ever. Realizing he hasn’t said anything, he clears his throat and the words that come tumbling out weren't the ones he was planning on sharing. Not here on her daddy’s porch. 

 

“Damn girl, ya look beautiful.” She does, she always does. The soft blush his compliment causes only makes her look even prettier.

 

“Thank you, Daryl,” she says.

 

“I didn’t know we was dressing up.” He had paid attention to what he wore tonight though. His nice jeans and ‘shiny’ boots, the ones Beau thought were funny. A black t-shirt and his vest with the wings. That’s for her.

 

“No? You look really nice too Daryl. I like your wings.” Can he just kiss her now? Does he have to wait until the end of the date? Reaching for her hand he nods in the direction of the door.

 

“We going in ta see yer daddy?” This was supposed to be part of it. She told him this was how it was gonna be and he talked himself into it all the way here. 

 

“Oh, I didn’t, I wasn’t sure, do you want to?” She looks a little surprised, but pleased and that makes him feel good. 

 

Yeah.” He wants too, he wants to make sure Hershel sees how he treats Beth, how he respects her, not because he’s trying to win Hershel over but because this is what Beth deserves, all the time. Proof that she’s loved.

 

Holding on to his hand she starts to lead him into the house but Hershel is already coming out onto the porch. 

 

“You’ll have to forgive me, I’m an old man and I might be a little late but, well I just wanted to see my daughter off on her date.” There’s something else there in his eyes. Daryl sees it but lets it go.

 

“Daryl was coming in to let you know we were leaving,” Beth says still holding his hand and watching her daddy with a bit of trepidation. Daryl sees this too.

 

“Well, then we’re on the same page.” Smiling at Beth he turns his attention back on Daryl. “I guess I don’t have to tell you to take care of my daughter. Seems you’ve already been doing that. Thank you.” He reaches out and shakes Daryl's hand and then they’re walking down the stairs headed to the truck.

 

Daryl is extremely glad Hershel didn’t ask Beth when or if she’s coming home or what their plans are. 

 

Because he doesn’t have any plans, not certain anyway. He just wants to be with her.

 

Opening the door on the passenger side he watches her climb in resisting the urge to reach out and touch the exposed skin on her back where her tank top has ridden up. She’s got a big purse thing that she sets on the floorboard against her legs. Walking around the truck he climbs in on his side and finds she’s scooted to the middle, a shy smile on her face.

 

“Can I?” she asks.

 

“Course ya can, don’ have ta ask girl,” he meant to growl a little, drop his voice down a couple of octaves because he knows she likes it. Her eyes sparkle and her smile gets a little wider.

 

This is what he wanted- him and her together. He likes it this way, he still doesn’t quite get it, why she wants to be with him, but he likes it.

 

**xxxxXxxx**

 

When Daryl mentions a new restaurant in Newnan, some fancy steakhouse, Beth can tell just by the way he says it that it’s not really where he wants to go. And if she’s being honest, neither does she. 

 

“You sure that’s really where you want to go?”

 

“Yer all dressed up. Jus’ figured…” Shrugging he looks over at her a little lost.

 

“Grantville.” 

 

“Huh?”

 

“You know where it is?” An idea suddenly comes to her. One she’s toyed with but hadn’t really thought out until now.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Drive. Trust me.” He raises an eyebrow but does like she says. 

 

When they get to the little town she points to a place on the corner. It’s an older brick building with a tiny courtyard in front that’s strung with twinkling lights that are already on even though it isn’t dark yet.

 

Those twinkling lights are special to her, the whole place is. The place being, ‘Rosie’s Diner’. It’s nothing fancy, doesn’t serve ribeye or London broil and she hasn’t been here in years. Looking over at Daryl she watches him check out the place.

 

“This it?” he asks his brow furrowed. Her tummy does a little flop because maybe she read him wrong, maybe that fancy steakhouse is his kind of thing.

 

“Well, yeah…” She should’ve just let him pick. Glancing over at him she sees he’s smiling a little and nodding his head.

 

“I like it. ‘S perfect.” When he opens his door and gets out she slides out behind him, not wanting to wait another minute to show him a piece of her past that isn’t wrapped up in sadness and anger. 

 

They’re in a little booth in the back and Beth was just as surprised as Daryl when they walked into a half full diner. A few families, couples obviously doing like they are and a few regulars sitting up at the bar arguing about something that happened 50 years ago. She didn’t expect to see this many people. 

 

They got waters and drinks, a lemonade for her and a coke for him and a waitress came and took their order. Now they’re waiting and she likes watching him look around the place although his gaze keeps coming back to her.

 

“Gonna tell me why ya brought me here?”

 

“Does there have to be a reason why?” They’re sitting together on one side of the booth. When she’d sat down she’d slid all the way over and he’d only hesitated a second before sitting next to her. She did notice how he looked over at the waitress like he was waiting for her to say something but she just handed them their menus, took a drink order and headed to another table. 

 

“Place like this, there’s gotta be a reason.” She feels his hand on her thigh and then he’s looking at her, expectantly.

 

There is a reason. He figured that out. But he’s perceptive.

 

“We came here a couple of times after church when I was little, all of us. but most of the time it was just me and my mama.” His eyes soften and she feels his fingers on her leg, drawing little circles. It warms her heart and other places too. He does that though, makes her want everything all at once.

 

When she was really young before she went to school with Maggie and Shawn, she and her mama would come here after running errands and they’d share a piece of the peach pie. It had been her mama’s favorite. It was also their secret because if her brother and sister knew they’d be upset. Special treats were saved for special occasions. 

 

She cherished those pieces of peach pie and the time spent when it was just her mama and her. Even as a little girl she knew it was special.

 

“Last time we came was my seventh birthday. She was already sick and going through chemo. I remember she took two bites of the peach pie. Just two. I couldn’t eat it, not if she couldn’t and I faked a stomach ache so we could go home.” Remembering hurts, but it’s supposed too. She supposed to miss her mama. She just doesn’t want to forget. Sniffling she grabs her napkin. Feeling embarrassed and ridiculous and wishing she could slide under the table. Why’d she tell him all that? Could’ve just said her mama brought her here and left it at that.

 

“Hey, we didn’ have ta come here if it was gonna make ya sad Beth.” Tipping her chin he brushes the pad of his thumb across her cheek. Her stitches are covered by a simple beige bandage now. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would be like this.. and it’s okay. I mean it makes me sad but it’s good too. I like to remember her.”

 

“Don’ gotta apologize. Thanks, fer tellin’ me.” When he says that she realizes that she hasn’t talked about her mama with anyone. Not even her sister and brother. Daryl’s the first one. She told him about the library and the sun and the moon.

 

Sharing this with him feels right.

 

“Ya haven’t been here since that day, yer seventh birthday?” It’s a question and she figures he already knows the answer. Shaking her head she looks up at him.

 

“No, not really I’ve driven by but never stopped,” she says softly.

 

“Ya did this time. Ya gonna come back?” he asks and he pulls her in close to him, as close as he can in the small area they have to work with.

 

“Yeah. I think I might. Wanna come with me sometimes?” 

 

“Course I do.” The waitress walks up then with their plates. Daryl’s got a cheeseburger with everything on it and fries on the side. Beth ordered meatloaf and potatoes. She was the only kid in the family who would actually eat her mama’s meatloaf. And it smells delicious.

 

“Alright, there y’all go. Anything else I can get for you folks?” Beth is about to tell her no they’re fine thanks when Daryl speaks up.

 

“Ya got any peach pie?” Beth feels it somewhere in the very center of her heart, this little gesture of love. She wonders if he realizes what it means to her?

 

“Sure we do. I’ll bring ya two slices…”

 

“Just one,” Beth says, “ and two forks.” With a smile and a wink, the waitress leaves them to their meal and neither of them says a word. They just dig into their dinner. Words aren’t necessary. If Daryl didn’t know what it meant to her, he does now.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Everythin’ okay at home?” They finished dinner and they’re waiting for their peach pie. Daryl has her hand in his and he’s running a finger over the bumps of her knuckles. He has questions he wants to ask, things he wants to say about how he’s been feeling but after what she just shared with him he doesn’t want to bring her down or make her feel like anything is wrong. Because it really isn’t. It’s just him being ridiculous.

 

“Nothing’s really changed much. The tension is gone and we can talk an act semi-normal. But no one's saying anything about what we need to do, you know? Shawn hasn’t even come over yet. I think the drinking is something we need to talk about. Especially since Shawn’s still drinking, maybe even more now.”

 

Daryl’s relieved she brought that up because he wasn’t sure how to explain what he was feeling when her niece said the things she said about Shawn.

 

“We need to talk about my mama, it’s like no one says anything because they’re afraid. I wanna know if it’s me if they’re afraid I’m gonna do something, like before.. like..”

 

“Yer brother said somethin’ about ya not being emotionally able or some bullshit, I don’t know, is that why no one says anything about her? Yer mama? They afraid it’s gonna upset you?” That part he can sort of wrap his head around, but as far Beth not being able to handle shit, he doesn’t for a second believe that. She’s been carrying everybody else’s guilt as well as her own. She’s probably stronger than all of them.

 

“Maybe partly, maybe it’s just hard and after all this time it’s gotten easier not to say anything. I saw a therapist for over a year after it happened. Once a week. She wanted my family to be involved and they did come a couple of times, but I think they just figured I needed to get ‘better’ like I was sick and it would go away. It doesn’t go away, the pain, you just make room for it.”

 

This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen.

 

“I wanna talk about her. I want to remember the good things…”

 

“Like this place and peach pie?”

 

“Yes. And how she loved brushing mine and Maggie’s hair and reading comics with Shawn and how my daddy never wanted her to drive the tractor because he was afraid she’d get hurt. And one day when he was on a call she plowed a whole field just to prove to him she could.”

 

“Sounds like somethin’ you’d do,” Daryl says gently. Her face lights up with a smile. And that he could do that, give her a little bit of happiness makes him feel good too.

 

“Before she died my daddy used to call us two peas in a pod, said I was so much like my mama, stubborn and ornery, but if I gave him a little smile I could get him to do whatever I wanted.” Beth smiles at the memory. “I wanna know more of those things, I want to remember her, I want to take out the photo albums and talk about her and be sad that she’s gone, but blessed that we knew her, cause we’re still here. We’re still alive. I didn’t want to die that day Daryl. I just didn’t know how to live. I’m learning…” Her soft laughter pulls at everything in him. She’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. Sure he’s head over heels in love, but she’s amazing, she is.

 

“I’m learning too I guess,” he says. As much as he hates having the spotlight on himself he wants to give her a break. 

 

“You are. You came home even though it was hard for you.” It was hard. It’s still hard. He hasn’t even told her about the incident with DJ, but he will eventually because she’ll understand and she’ll make him feel good about it and it’s nice to have that one person who is there for you no matter what.

 

For the most part, his childhood was a nightmare. He didn’t have anything close to what Beth had. He has a few vague memories of moments when it was okay, but they’re ephemeral and sometimes he questions whether or not they’re even real. Like he made them up so he could feel normal.

 

Later on though after he and Merle grew up and decided they weren't going to follow in their old man’s footsteps, that’s when he was given some semblance of a life worth living. And it was almost impossible to accept it and go about living it when his brain refused to believe it would last and that he deserved it. He was doing it though and then DJ’s accident happened and it was a trigger that sent him right back to being a broken little boy hiding out in the woods from his old man.

 

The difference between her family and his was that Merle wouldn’t let it alone. He did talk, he didn’t try to sweep shit under the carpet. He called Daryl on his bs and he told Daryl he loved him wanted him around. He was family and he belonged with them.

 

His brother never let him forget that. His brother who was just as broken as he was might have left too but he came back and together they got out. They got out and Merle loved him. More than anyone else ever had. It hadn’t been too late and although they’d never be perfect, they carried their father’s legacy with them after all, they were good.

 

They’d beat the odds, hadn’t they?

 

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Squeezing his hand she brings him out of his head. Even if he wanted to tell her he couldn’t. Not in the right way.

 

“Nothing, just thinkin’ ‘bout me and Merle. He was all I had in the world and it was good and I took off cause I was scared, but that asshole, he never let it be until he up and got sick ta get me back here.” It wasn’t quite like that, but it would be a Merle thing to do. “I think yer all jus’ scared, yer family. Somebody needs ta start yelling, not cause they’re angry but cause y’all love each other. I don’t know.. kinda dumb..” he feels his face heating up, even his ears. He thinks these things, he thinks a lot of things,  but never says them. Ever. Until now. And it’s all her fault.

 

“It’s not dumb, you’re right… Can’t stop talking or loving, or being there cause it hurts. Won’t always hurt.” She’s talking so softly he has to lean in to hear her and when he does, when he’s close enough that his lips brush her cheek he leans in a little further and kisses her, lets the tip of his tongue dance across her bottom lip before he pulls away to find the waitress smiling down at them.

 

“I hope y’all ain’t rushing outta here yet! This here pie is the best in all of Georgia. I guarantee it!” Laughing she takes two forks out of her pocket and hands them to Daryl.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Got a TV.” They’ve just pulled out on to the road when Daryl says this. Beth waits for a second to see if there’s more but apparently, that’s it. He’s staring straight ahead but he’s got a little smirk on his face.

 

“I brought a bag. With clothes. For tomorrow.” They hadn’t talked about her staying over but she came prepared, just in case. 

 

“Ya gonna stay with me?” A lock of hair falls across his forehead as he looks over at her and without even thinking she reaches over and brushes it out of his eyes. She could do that all the time, potentially forever. 

 

Forever. 

 

Not even a month... She doesn’t take the time to actually figure out the number of days they’ve known one another because maybe deciding what and when and why with days as a guide is ridiculous. But it hasn’t even been a month and she’s looking at forever like it’s something she has to grab onto and not let go of.

 

They’ve got time.

 

“I’m gonna stay with you.” Her eyes tear up, that hot feeling that comes before you start crying has her blinking and taking a couple of deep breaths. She’s a mess. But he did it. He asked about the peach pie and if she wasn’t already in love with him that would have been the moment. 

 

“I got some movies too.” He says taking one hand off the steering wheel and resting it on her thigh. She shivers and he must feel it because he gives her a squeeze.

 

“It doesn’t matter what we do Daryl, as long as I’m with you I’m happy.” The look he gives her, it’s like he has a hard time believing that. Shaking his head he glances out the window and then back at her.

 

“Alright.” Sometimes he has a lot to say and other times it’s just a word or two. But she gets it. She isn’t going anywhere and he came back and somehow it does seem like something set this all in motion. Him and her and maybe it is fate. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They stop at the little grocery store to pick up popcorn because Beth asked if he had any and he doesn’t and she smiled that smile so of course, he stopped.  When they get up to the check out the woman at the cash register is staring at him, like really staring. The kind of staring people do when they think they know you.

 

“Ain’t you Merle’s little brother? Daryl, Daryl Dixon!” She’s older, Merle’s age and he doesn’t have a clue who she is but then Merle had a lot of women friends. Scanning the stuff he and Beth picked out she smiles and he nods. “I hung out with Merle quite a bit. Just saw him the other day. He’s doing good and got himself a coupla kids! Never figured Merle Dixon’d settle down.” Daryl grunts in response, uncomfortable and unsure of what to say he wishes she’d just finish ringing them up.

 

“How ‘bout you?” Her eyes fall on Beth. “This yer….” He can see she’s struggling because what would a beautiful young girl be doing with the likes of Daryl Dixon?

 

“His girlfriend, I’m Daryl’s girlfriend Beth.” He watches as Beth smiles a sweet smile at the woman and takes the bag she’s holding. Daryl fumbles for his wallet and hands over some bills, waiting for the change.

 

He follows Beth out into the parking lot and all of a sudden movies and popcorn are the last thing he wants to do.

 

“You know, every time I turn around there’s some woman ogling you and- Daryl?” She was teasing him, playing around but she must have picked up on his mood, or change in mood to be exact because only minutes ago they were practically kissing in the cookie aisle. Okay, he was thinking about kissing her in the cookie aisle. And now all he’s thinking about is how every time he turns around something reminds him that he’s older.

 

“Nah, ain’t me they’re looking at, ain’t that at all. Yer brother, the woman at the library, that Paula chick, crazy woman called you my daughter! Now, this? You should be off at some college looking at college guys yer own age, not me, not-” Opening the truck he tosses the bag he took from Beth onto the seat and then heads over to the passenger door and opens it. 

 

But Beth isn’t behind him. She’s standing on the other side of the truck just looking at him.

 

“Ya coming?” He doesn’t want to sound angry, not at her because it isn’t her. It’s him. She’s walking towards him and the look on her face makes him want to kick himself.

 

“What are you talking about? Is this- you asked me about college and- this is why? Does it bother you that I’m younger?” She looks completely bewildered.

 

“Don’ bother me at all. Seems everyone else has something ta say ‘bout it.” 

 

“Does that bother you?”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t want ‘em thinkin’ nothing bad about you…”

 

“Daryl fourteen years isn’t a big deal. I mean I may look like a teenager sometimes, which I hate! But I’m not. I’m a woman, maybe not as much of a woman as that redhead with the big boobs, but…”

 

“What the hell Beth!” She's standing there with her hands on her hips and she no way in hell looks like a teenager, a young woman yes, but not a kid. “Com’on get in.”

 

“No! Tell me the truth Daryl, is our age difference a problem for you?”

 

“Beth...”

 

“You care that much about what other people might think? Because I don’t.” He shouldn’t but he does. To a certain degree. Mainly it’s her. All her. He cares what she thinks and feels and if a few comments got him all fired up what about her?

 

“I care what you think,” he mumbles. She walks by him and climbs into the truck but turns in the seat and reaches for his hands.

 

“You wanna know I think? I think you're afraid-”

 

“I ain’t afraid of nothin’.” She’s holding up her hand and giving him a look that says shut up, so he does.

 

“You are, you’re afraid. You’ve said it before, said it today in my car, you aren't used to things being good. And I’m- I’m a good thing, I think..”

 

“Yer the best thing.” Pressing a finger to his lips she smiles.

 

“Hush. You're distracting me. Let me finish. You’re afraid and you’re looking for excuses so you don’t have to just admit that you're afraid.” Very little is making sense right now. Could be her close proximity, or the finger that she has yet to take from his lips, or her eyes, the way she smells.. everything about her.

 

“I’m afraid.” There he said. 

 

“Of?” There are a few cars in the parking lot, people walking back and forth carrying bags. There’s an ugly yellow glare from the parking lot lights and he’s standing here having a heart to heart with her. Nothing makes sense anymore so telling her what he’s afraid of is easy.

 

“Ya might get tired of me. Wanna go off and do the things ya never got ta do.” 

 

“There’s a lot of things I wanna do, and I’m afraid to Daryl..” Now he can ask her because she also said it in the car earlier.

 

“Wha’ are you afraid of?” Bumping her knee to make room for him to move in close, he cups the back of her head in his hand, lets his fingers knead her scalp.

 

“People leaving, being happy, believing in fairytales… that you could be the sun and I could be the moon because it’s all happening so fast and I don’t get to have good things either.” She’s leaning back into his palm now.

 

“Damn girl and all I could come up with is being old…” he murmurs.

 

“So you admit it was an excuse and by the way, you aren’t old… you’re perfect, you’re… don’t you get it? That Paula girl with the boobs, she wants you!”

 

“Ain’t gettin’ me.”

 

“And Olivia, at the library, her husband was like fifteen years older than her. He recently died, not of old age! He had cancer too, like my mama. And that woman in there,” Beth nods in the direction of the store, “I bet she wanted you to Daryl. As for Shawn, he doesn’t count. Big brothers say things to their little sister’s boyfriend's to scare ‘em.” That seems to amuse her and she giggles. “And Daryl,” She scoots herself closer to him, pressing herself into his chest, her skirt stretched tight until she tugs at it pulling it making it possible to get even closer to him, closer to where he’s hard for her because she’s so fucking beautiful and she loves him. “My daddy was twenty years older than my mama, and me and my mama we were two peas in a pod so it’s only fitting that I fall in love with an older man...”

 

“ ‘S that so?” She’s driving him crazy and he loves it.

 

“Uh huh… I’m terrified of all of this, but you and me, we’re learning right? Made it through our first date-”

 

“Date ain’t over yet,” he breathes and because he can’t wait anymore he kisses her, holds her head in his hands and brushes his lips against the softness of hers.

 

“Daryl… you aren’t supposed to kiss-” Slipping a finger between there lips he presses it to hers.

 

“Hush. I ain’t finished an yer distracting me.” Wrapping his arms around her he kisses her again, gently at first until he feels her mouth open and she steals his breath and he takes it back and for a second it’s just them in the world all alone. Until somewhere someone whistles and a horn honks and they’re pulled back into the reality of the parking lot where they’re making out.

 

Breathing heavy he gets her into her seat and closes the door. She’s already moved over, in the middle like it’s her spot, which is. He’s decided. He’ll even write her name on the seat. He’s crazy and he loves her.

 

“I was trying to say, you aren’t supposed to kiss until the end of the date, Daryl.”

 

“Yeah? Ain’t supposed to fall in love before the first date neither.” Her laughter is like music and he wants to listen forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Date night isn’t over but this chapter had to come to end.. don’t worry we will see what happened next week!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This was an emotionally exhausting chapter to write… and I apologize that its late. Again. Thank you for sticking with me. I can’t see an end yet. I think I am afraid to leave this…. so, for now, we’re here and all is somewhat right with the world.**

  
  


The popcorn is popped. And the apartment smells a little like a movie theater, but a whole lot like a summer night. The windows are open and the woods and the pond and just the heat itself is carried in on the breeze. The flat screen is flickering, a soft green light, making shadows on the wall as dinosaurs and humans run wild in a world far removed from the one they’ve created for themselves right here.  

 

Daryl pulled out the futon and if anything, that might have been the game changer. That’s not to say that if he’d left it up anything would have been any different. What happened in the parking lot of the grocery store earlier tipped the scales. Cause it had been gaining momentum from the moment he walked into the library earlier that day.

 

She’d been a mess, in the best possible way. She’d missed him and he’d shown up and all she wanted was to be as close to him as possible, touching him, breathing him… and it isn’t just sex, although that is incredible in ways she never even knew existed. It’s just being with him, feeling grounded. Feeling like she belongs somewhere again. There’s a place in the world that’s hers. Theirs. In her head, it all sounds ridiculous and she knows it’s being in love and her heart, that’s never known love like this is waxing poetic and she loves it. All of it.

 

_ The sun loved the moon, he loved her so much that every night he died just so she could breathe... _

 

They haven’t watched more than five minutes of the movie.

 

Daryl’s lips taste like butter and they kiss until the taste of the popcorn is gone and it’s just him, all him. Running her fingers through his hair she tilts her head to the side, encouraging him. He presses kisses along her jaw and down the column of her neck, teeth grazing tender skin making her hum with pleasure. When he reaches the soft spot where her neck meets her shoulder he sinks his teeth into the soft muscle sucking gently at first but when she moans he sucks harder drawing skin between his teeth and she’s sure he must’ve left a mark. 

 

When he pulls away and raises his head above her, she looks up at him, caught off guard by the depth of the desire she finds staring back at her. He makes her feel beautiful and so infinitely alive that sometimes it’s almost too much. This is what it means to be loved.

 

Running a finger across her forehead, he brushes the hair away and trails that same finger down along her temple and under her eye across the bandage covering her stitches. Her skin vibrates in the wake of his finger and her heart beats faster under the scrutiny of his gaze. 

 

“ ‘S kinda warm, ya wanna…” His eyes flick to her shirt and nodding she reaches down to grab hold of the hem when he stops her with a hand over hers.

 

“I thought…”

 

“Lemme,” he watches her and she realizes he’s waiting for permission. Permission to undress her. A thrill surges through her and her smile is all he needs.

 

She does have to sit up and help a little, but it’s mainly Daryl doing all of it. And as he slides her shirt over her head she feels his knuckles on her ribs and the sides of her breasts. Her nipples respond, tingling as the shirts material brushes over them. Her small sigh doesn’t go unnoticed. Daryl cups one breast in his hand and drags the rough pad of his thumb across her nipple. Arching into his hand her sigh turns into a whine.

 

“Daryl…”

 

“Lay back.” On his hands and knees, he moves to her feet and runs his hands up her legs from ankle to thigh over the skirt. He hooks his thumbs in the elastic band and she raises her hips. He slides it off and leaves her lying there in her panties. And maybe she should feel a little self-conscious, but she doesn’t. Right now she believes she’s everything he sees. Everything that’s making him touch her with such tenderness.

 

Kneeling at her feet he rests his hands on her ankles again, slides them slowly up and over her knees pushing his thumbs into the soft muscle of her inner thighs. It's absolutely the most amazing feeling, like a massage and although she’s never had one, this has to be what it feels like. Except it's Daryl and his hands and the fact that he’s hovering over her, blue eyes peeking out from his unruly hair, is making her ache and she’s wet.

 

His hands keep moving up over her hip bones, fingers drifting across the flat of her stomach. She wants to commit all this to memory, the way he touches her. Knuckles brushing her ribcage as he lowers his body over hers, cupping a breast and taking the nipple into his warm mouth. Sinking her fingers into his hair she exhales a shaky breath and feels him shift above her.

 

“ Ya okay?” 

 

“I’m… Daryl, I love you.” There’s a subtle change on his face, a shift. It softens but his eyes are dark, the pupils large, that too is for her, because of her.

 

“Girl…” He frames her face with his hands and rests his forehead against hers. “I love you too.” Curling a hand around the back of his neck she pulls him down to her and kisses him. Kisses him like he kisses her when he’s trying to give her the words he can’t say. Because sometimes words aren’t enough.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They kneel together on the futon and she helps him tug his shirt over his head giggling at his mussed hair until he quiets her with another kiss. He has to stand to get his jeans off and the way she watches him she may as well of have her mouth on him. As he slides them off his hard cock slaps his belly. She’s looking at him so intently he waits, stands there and lets her look until it’s too much for him. 

 

No one has ever touched him like this, without hands or fingers, only a gaze and it’s certainly never felt like what it feels like with her. She’s found a way inside of him and as far as he concerned she can make a home there and stay. Forever.

 

Climbing back onto the futon with her, he pulls her against him and kisses her hard and deep and there’s no more giggling, no more half smiles and soft blushes. It’s all hands and mouths and breathless urgency.

 

He feels it as she reaches between them and circles his hard length with her hands. Dragging his mouth from hers he leans back just the slightest bit, so he can see, watch her fingers dance over his cock. When she leans in and presses a soft kiss to his chest he’s almost done for. This girl, this beautiful girl can completely undo him.

 

He wanted to be in control, give to her, make her feel good but she’s got other plans it seems as she pushes him back down onto the futon slips out of her panties and climbs on top of him, straddling his thighs.

 

“I wanna be, I wanna be here,” she breathes. He hopes the innocence that she possess never goes away because its a fucking turn on. It has nothing to with age, it’s her overwhelming wonder and devotion to everything around her. Right now it’s him. Right now he’s basking in her light.

 

“On top?” His voice trembles, just saying it and not even having to conjure up the image because she’s here perched above him nodding. “Yeah, yeah… just stay there..” he whispers as he finds the condom he dropped on the futon when he took off his jeans and rips the package open and with shaking hands slides it on. 

 

Palms flat against his chest she raises up and with one hand reaches down and pulls his cock away from his belly and sinks slowly down, taking all of him and making it hard for him to breathe. Settling in she waits, tormenting him. 

 

“Ya gotta move Beth.. fuck ya gotta move girl.” And she does. Circling her hips, slowly relentlessly, moving in a way that has her clit bumping up against his pubic bone. She’s taking pleasure in what she’s doing, her head tipped back, the column of her throat stretched tautly. She’s whispering his name and it’s pushing him closer to the edge. It’s agonizing. Reaching for her hips he bucks up against her and she falls forward hands back on his chest her blue eyes black with desire.

 

“Harder?” It’s a question and he answers with another hard thrust and she meets him and matches his rhythm, fast and hard, until her thighs are shaking and he can feel it, the way her body tightens around him, clenching as she cries out his name.

 

His name. That does it. Holding onto her hips, stilling her movements his body tenses under her and for a minute he sees stars and then it’s like his skin is one big nerve ending. Rolling her over he covers her face in kisses, whispers her name as he does, says a few other things that would normally be completely out of character but she just gave him one of the best orgasms he’s ever had and he can’t help it. 

 

“Daryl, that was... oh… you make me feel so good…” Bumping noses, fingers mapping each others faces he smiles against her mouth.

 

“You, you did it…” Nosing into her hair he eases onto his side pulling her into the curve of his body.

 

“We did it.” The way she curls up, the way she fits, they fit.

 

They did it.

 

Eventually, they do make it to the bedroom and sleep comes easy with her beside him. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s still early. But Daryl has a job he has to do today and he’s driving Beth to her house. He refused to let her walk. Which is fine. It just means she gets a few more minutes with him. But she has to give him a little grief.

 

“I walk in the woods all the time Daryl. And the woods in the morning are beautiful.” With the sun and the birds and no one but her, it’s peaceful. But sitting beside him is definitely better.

 

“Ain’t having ya walk home from a date. Told yer daddy I’d take care of ya.” 

 

“You afraid there might be a big bad wolf lurking somewhere in the shadows?” She giggles. He glances over at her, eyebrows raised slightly, that crooked smile she loves teasing a secret he’s keeping, something he isn’t saying.

 

“You gonna chase me through the woods Daryl Dixon?” she purrs leaning in close enough so that he can feel her breath tickle his neck.

 

“Girl… that what ya want?” He’s growling on purpose, and suddenly she does want it. Very much so. She also wants to see how far she can push him.

 

“Yes… And if you catch me I want you to fuck me up against a tree.” She’s pressed up against him, holding her breath because she can’t believe she just said what she said. It’s thrilling, it’s a dirty word and he likes it. She can tell. He likes it a lot.

 

“Goddammit, woman!” She doesn’t think he’s cussing because he’s opposed to this little fantasy she’s spun. It’s very much the opposite. 

 

She laughs as he coasts down her drive mumbling about how it ‘ain’t fair ta send him off to work like this’ But he’s smiling as he leans in to kiss her.

 

“Think about me today?” she whispers feeling just a little bit possessive knowing where he’s going. 

 

“Gonna be impossible not ta, think ‘bout ya all the time anyway…” Daryl loves her it’s ridiculous to be jealous, but she’s feeling it, just a little. It’s a new feeling. It was never like this with Jimmy. And the comparison is pathetic. Jimmy was a way not to feel. Daryl, he makes her feel everything.

 

She waits as he gets out and comes over to the passenger door. It’s probably partly show for her daddy, but she thinks it’s also for her. Daryl is good to her, he’s kind and treats her with respect. 

 

“Have a good day Daryl.” 

 

“You too.” He has an arm slung around her shoulders and he leans in and kisses her on the forehead as he hands her bag. They stand there together for a few seconds longer as if leaving is is the last thing either of them wants. 

 

But it’s inevitable and she watches as he drives away, a knot in her belly. Sighing she shoulders her bag and climbs the steps to the house. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s been dreading this job. It’s not the work. He enjoys that. And this job is giving him the chance to hone his skills. He’s dreading dealing with the homeowner. It makes him uncomfortable and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. And he knows that even though Beth isn’t saying much, it bothers her too.

 

Which is ridiculous. He loves her and only her and even if he wasn’t with her this woman’s attention would be the last thing he wants. Abe and another guy are gonna be working with him. They’re hoping to learn a few things. That’s another thing that’s making Daryl nervous. But he figures he’ll tell Abe he needs to keep the homeowner out of his hair in exchange for a demonstration.

 

Pulling his truck up to the house he gets out expecting to see a couple of Abe’s trucks. There’s no one. The garage is open though and as he walks up the drive Paula comes out. Taking a deep breath Daryl heads into the corner where he left his tools.

 

“Morning Daryl,” she says politely.

 

“Mmm hmm morning.” He can’t be completely rude. But he doesn’t have to be nice.

 

“Hey I just want to apologize for, well I suppose it was disrespectful of me to make comments about your girlfriend.” This comes out of nowhere and he isn’t quite sure how to react. It makes him just as uncomfortable as her unwanted advances, but he does appreciate it.

 

“Thanks.” He continues to stand there, waiting for her to leave or something, anything but stare at him and try and make small talk.

 

“I’ve been divorced for a year and a half and well it’s hard to find a good man.” Looks like he isn’t going to be that lucky.

 

Paula eventually went in the house and it really wasn’t all that bad talking to her, or listening more like. She did ask how old Beth was and although it wasn’t really any of her business Daryl told her. Then she went on and on about how beautiful Beth is and how she’s been blessed with amazing genes and  _ ‘if y’all have babies they’ll be gorgeous…’  _ He felt his face turn all shades of red and he did his best to look extremely busy. Because babies? Really?

 

Before she left she offered him a cup of coffee and let him know that there were bottled waters in the garage fridge that he and the other guys were welcome too. So it wasn’t all bad. It definitely changed his mood. He sent Beth a text,  _ ~I love you~. _ So she knew for sure that he was thinking about her. And he managed to accept Abe’s compliments as they started the job.

 

He even let himself believe that he was actually good at it. All of it. The construction work, the family and especially the boyfriend stuff.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Latching the door to the chicken coop closed Beth heads towards the house dusting her dirty hands off on her jeans. She’d spent the morning catching up on chores with Maggie and they’d just about finished.

 

Maggie voiced her concern about Shawn and his drinking. But admitted that her dad hadn’t said anything to her about it on the few visits they’d done for the clinic. 

 

“We might have to bring it up again Beth, we can’t just let it go, not anymore,” Beth told her about the drive in and having ice cream with Amy and the girls. How their little niece even knew that drinking made her dad act differently. It’s all still new, the change in their relationship but it’s a beginning and it gives her hope that they can get closer as a family again.

  
  


They’d talked about Daryl, of course, and her date. And Maggie told her that things were getting serious with Glenn.

 

“Like a ring serious?” Beth teased. 

 

“Well maybe not that serious yet, but I could see myself doing all that with him Beth!” It's crazy because Maggie was always the wild one, there were never enough boys. But apparently, Glenn is enough. Beth had seen it though, in the hospital when Glenn was with Maggie. Her sister’s in love. And Glenn is definitely a good guy. Someone Maggie could have a future with.

 

“What about you? It’s like love at first sight or something with you and Daryl, like mama and daddy.” Maggie smiles and to Beth, it sounds like a fairytale, but it kind of is. Isn’t it? He texted earlier. Told her he loved her and it was another one of those, is this really happening moments. She’d texted back the same three words. And even though she didn’t tell her sister, she could see herself doing everything with Daryl. Making it something that lasted forever.

 

Now all she wants is a shower and then she and Maggie are going to get dinner started for their daddy. After that, she’s decided she’s gonna ask Daryl to go fishing or something tomorrow. A second date doing something he likes to do. 

 

Climbing the steps to the house she stops when she hears a car coming down the drive. It’s Shawn and Amy is in the passenger seat beside him. She hasn’t seen or talked to him since the argument on the porch. 

 

She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what she gets. Shawn got out of the car and walked right past her barely sparing her a glance. When he disappeared into the house Amy and the girls joined her on the porch. Abbi and Claire immediately ran over to the porch swing, their favorite thing to do at grandpas house. But they’re oddly quiet and subdued.

 

“There was some problem at the office today. A longtime customer called your dad and complained. Didn’t like Shawn’s attitude and he said Shawn smelled like alcohol,” Amy says. She looks tired and like she wants to say more but she leaves it at that and goes over to the swing to sit with the girls.

 

Beth hears raised voices inside, her daddy and Shawn and then Maggie too. Turning away from Amy and her nieces she heads into the house. It’s awful the way it makes her feel like she’s twelve years old again and hiding out while her daddy screams at her mama’s ghost.

 

But there aren’t any ghosts, this is her family, her broken family.

 

“I had lunch with a distributor, had a couple of drinks. It was business, that old codger-” Shawn’s saying as Beth walks into the kitchen.

 

“Business shouldn’t involve alcohol, Shawn. Not when you’ve got to go back to the office and treat patients.” Hershel is calm, but just barely. Beth can see that in the set of her daddy’s shoulders.

 

“This is our livelihood, Shawn! The books are a mess, the vet tech is done with your bullshit and ready to quit and now we’re getting complaints from customers? You’re gonna ruin daddy’s good name!” Maggie has never been afraid of Shawn, she was always the one to stand up to him even when they were little.

 

“Oh, you know all about good names doncha Maggie! My little sister, once the town tramp! Found herself someone who has no clue about her past and she’s ready to move in with him. Didja know that dad? She’s looking at apartments with her boyfriend! He even know what yer really like Maggie?” His face is red and he’s sweating. He doesn’t look like her brother. He’s a stranger. The one person who didn’t treat her like she was damaged goods after she cut her wrist. He’s not that person anymore. That person is gone.

 

“Go to hell Shawn!” Maggie yells. 

 

“Go to hell? Go to hell, I’m the one that’s been holding this family together, keeping us outta hot water-” Shawn sputters.

 

“Are you serious?! Why do you think I’m at the office every day now? Because that’s my career choice? I’m trying to save your worthless ass and the business!” This is new to Beth. She wasn’t aware that things were that bad. She knew they weren’t good, not after everything that happened but no one told her, well no one told her anything. 

 

“You better step back right now Maggie, that’s a fucking lie-” Beth feels it the moment Shawn notices that she’s there and the smile he gives her isn’t loving at all. It’s a sneer. “Think you need ta get yer daughters in check dad. My baby sister hanging out with a piece of shit Dixon… Maggie looking to throw her life away for the first man that comes sniffing around!” He’s slurring his words and Beth can see how unsteady he is.

 

“Leave Glenn out of this,” Maggie says.

 

“What if I don’t?” Shawn leans in, gets right in her face. “What are you gonna do?”

 

“That’s enough Shawn!” Hershel says. It is enough and without thinking Beth steps between her sister and brother. It hurts to see this, to see them going at each other like there was never any love there like they don’t have years of history that isn’t all about losing things.

 

“Stop it! Just stop it!” Before she can take a breath Shawn has his hands on her and he’s pushing her from in front of Maggie and she feels herself falling, her shoulder jams into the counter before she lands hard on the floor.

 

“You will not put your hands on her!” Hershel bellows and it’s that, her daddy’s anger that finally gives her the courage she needs.

 

“She’s fine, didn’t mean to push so hard- Come on Beth get up.” He looks down at her nervously a flicker of recognition in his eyes. He holds out a hand but she backs away- stands up on her own.

 

“Don’t touch me.” She didn’t scream, didn’t cry, and looked right at him. Which wipes the concerned look right off of his red face.

 

“Really? Oh for fuck's sake, it was an accident! You gonna go tell yer boyfriend? Get him to come after me? Does he know what you did? Cut yer goddamn wrist! And that I took care of you- all of you…” He waves his arm around in a grand gesture.

 

“Shawn, let’s go home. Come on, you can relax…” Amy’s standing in the doorway and she looks like the last thing she wants to do is take Shawn anywhere, but she’s saying it, begging him.

 

“Go take care of the girls, I got this under control. Where are they?” 

 

“They’re on the porch, they’re fine- just leave them-” Amy watches helplessly as Shawn stalks down the hallway red-faced and angry. Beth sees the fear flash across her face as she looks to Hershel.

 

“I can’t- he… I can’t stay with him, I-” She seems to shrink in on herself and Beth wants to run because suddenly it’s hard to breathe. She knows what it feels like, even though the circumstances are completely different, being helpless and not knowing what to do and doing the worst thing possible. Her shoulder blade where she hit the counter is throbbing. And her throat burns with tears she’s been holding onto, refusing to cry in front of them. Because if she does they’ll look at her like they used to like they still do sometimes.

 

“Maggie, take Amy and the girls home. Leave him here. I’m going to talk to him and he’s going to listen.” Hershel starts towards the door.

 

“Daddy, he’s drunk and-” Maggie takes a couple of steps in her daddy’s direction.

 

“It’s fine. Your brother won’t raise a hand to me.” He keeps going and Maggie turns to Beth.

 

“Are you okay? Beth, he pushed you, he… Come on you can ride with me to take Amy-” And it’s Maggie too. Maggie looking for apartments with Glenn. Leaving again. 

 

“No.” It comes out a little more forcefully than she intends. “I need to shower, I- I don’t want to go.” 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I just, I want to go to my room.” She’d gone to counseling after she got out of the hospital. It was a requirement but she’d gone hoping that it would help her. Help all of them. It hadn’t worked out like she’d thought it would back then. But she remembers something the counselor had told her about triggers, things that might happen that could possibly throw her right back into that emotional turmoil she’d felt before she hurt herself. 

 

Is that what this is? It’s gotta be. Because she refuses to believe she’s falling apart. Not now, not when things are so much better. Not when she’s almost got ahold of the fairytale.

 

Hurrying up to her room she pulls off her clothes and jumps in the shower, rushes through shampooing her hair and then she’s pulling on her cut off jeans and a t-shirt like her life depends on it. After shoving her feet into her cowboy boots, she drags a brush through her hair and weaves the damp tresses into a braid that falls over her shoulder. 

 

Grabbing her phone and taking one last look at the door across the room she climbs out her window and down the trellis, like she’s sixteen again and the only thing that makes any sense is out in the woods.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He hears it. The telltale crack of sticks underfoot. Somebody walking in the woods nearby where they’re catching fireflies in glass jars. Beau is giggling because Daryl told him to be quiet and listen and of course when 8-year-old little boys try and be quiet on purpose, for no good reason, laughter ensues. DJ at least is trying. A smile is the only evidence that he’s barely containing himself. 

 

They’ve got a couple of fireflies in their jars and they’re examining them trying to see who’s is the brightest when she walks out of the trees. That’s what he heard and if he’s being honest deep down he’d kind of hoped it was her. 

 

What he sees is even better than what he was imagining. She’s wearing cutoffs and cowboy boots and a little pink t-shirt. Its dusk and the sky at the horizon is still orange and gold and it makes her skin glow. She gets close enough that the boys see her, call out to her laughing again because she’s here. One of the people they love most in the world.

 

He sees it, her face before she forces a smile for the boys. He sees the despair there, the sadness he remembers from the woods when they met for the first time. She’s not doing as good a job of hiding it now though.

 

“Beth! We was gonna come get ya! Mama and daddy are makin’ s’mores! Wanna come with us?” They run to her, hold up their jars with the flashing bugs inside and she smiles and holds a jar up to her face and whatever her burden is, for a minute it’s lightened.

 

“Yeah, I wanna have s’mores with you! I love s’mores!” 

 

“Come on then, uncle Daryl she wants ta come with us!” He watches the boys take off headed towards home and he meets her as she walks up.

 

“Hey.” Taking her hand he pulls her in close. “I was wishing for ya, on that star right up there.” Feeling absolutely ridiculous he points to it, the star that he did think about wishing on. He glances at her and she’s looking up where he pointed but she’s not hiding it anymore, that sadness. She looks down at their hands and then finally at him.

 

“Shawn came over they were arguing, it was- I just needed to leave.” He knows there’s more. Can’t be all of the story.

 

“You was jus’ gonna walk around in the woods?” That sets him on edge. She’d probably be fine, but thinking about her out here alone. He doesn’t like it. She’s shaking her head. 

 

“I was gonna find you,” she whispers. 

 

“Ya did, I’m here... fuck, Beth what’s wrong, what happened-” A million and one scenarios are going through his head, none of them making any sense at all.

 

“Let’s go to Merle’s, let’s make s’mores, let’s-” She’s frantically pulling on him, tugging him in the direction of the laughter of little boys with jars of fireflies. 

 

Keeping secrets. That’s what she’s doing.

 

“Nah, you tell me.” Because he already knows, he’s already trying to see through the shadows that twilight is making, he’s already searching for telltale signs. Anything. A mark, a scrape…

 

“Promise you won’t-”

 

“I ain’t promising a fuckin’ thing. He hurt you?” The humidity is nothing compared to the hot rage that’s burning through him as she nods, just a little, barely even noticeable if you weren’t looking. And he’s looking.

 

“He pushed me. And I fell.”

 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I told you.. this one was tough. And I just kind of left you hanging. I apologize for that. It was the way the story played out… I’ll be waiting at my inbox. I can already hear a couple of you! You’re all so kind and I’m really happy you love this like I do!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know what everyone wants! All I can say is give it time. Right now there are more important things… :) Thank you for coming here every Sunday (and a couple of Mondays) or any day that you come and read and review my little story! I appreciate it!**

  
  


 

His face falls when she says it even though he’d figured it out, put two and two together when she told him about Shawn and the argument. And he’s so angry. She can feel it coming off of him in waves. It’s overwhelming. He’d said it, he wouldn’t let anything hurt her and she knew he meant it. But this- 

 

He literally won’t let anything hurt her. He’ll hurt it back. Worse. 

 

“Daryl please don’t.. let’s just- Something happened at the office today-” She has no idea where his head is at. Is he going to take off to the farm and find Shawn? Beat him up? It can’t happen like that. As wrong as Shawn was she doesn’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt her. It was the alcohol and the things happening at work and maybe at home between him and Amy too. It has to be.

 

“Ya makin’ excuses fer him? For what he did?” Daryl looks at her incredulously. Is she?

 

“No, I…” Shawn is her brother. He’s been with her all her life. Her and Maggie. He loves them. But if he does he wouldn’t do what he’s doing, wouldn't call them names, accuse them of horrible things, put his hands on them.. hurt her.

 

She is. She’s making excuses. Like Amy had, she knew that standing there in the kitchen earlier, listening to her sister in law and she’d felt sick. 

 

“I am, aren’t I?” she whispers it more to herself than him. He takes her in his arms, pulls her close, so close she can feel his heart, the deep thump reminding her that he’s here. And this is breaking his heart too. In different ways than it’s breaking hers.

 

“I’m sorry Daryl..”

 

“Don’t ya ever apologize for that... for him… don’t Beth, jus’... fuck.” They stand there like that for another minute or so the air thick with whatever it is he is mulling over. How she knows that is a complete mystery to her. But she does. “My ma made excuses, she knew ‘em all, made up plenty on her own. She made excuses for my piece a shit dad until she couldn’ make anymore.”

 

There is very little comparison in their situations except that neither of them should’ve happened. That’s all he wants her to know. He’s put away his anger for now. Or at least he’s keeping it from her. But when he takes her hand and says,

 

“Com’on. Let’s go ta Merle’s, have s’mores.” There’s very little conviction in his words. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The firepit in the backyard is blazing and shadows dance around it. The boys are laughing at something Merle is saying and Carol is warning them to slow down before they burn their tongues. It’s peaceful, it’s a safe place untouched by the past and wide open to a future that promises things the three adults who share it never imagined life would give them.

 

And somehow fate saw to it that Beth Greene would find her way here too. Into his world that despite everything he can sometimes think of as perfect.

 

But not all the time. Not now.

 

The minute she said it, what he already knew, he wanted to high tail it through those woods and make good on the promise he made to her brother on the porch. Beat his ass. Beat it good. Make him hurt like she’s hurting. Like he’s hurting too. Only make it a hundred times worse. He still might do that. He’s gonna do something. That’s for sure.

 

But for right now she needs him. She came looking for him after all. Girl has come chasing through the woods just to find his worthless ass more than once because… because… 

 

Because she loves him and for some crazy reason when she’s hurting or scared he’s where she wants to be. And that makes him feel like he’s ten feet tall. Beth has so much faith in him it’s starting to wear off. She’s making him change his mind about a whole fuck load of things.

 

So, for now, he’ll hold off and he’ll be her hero.

 

“There y’all are! I’s ‘bout ready to come lookin’ fer ya. The boys said you was right behind ‘em.” Merle is grinning from where he’s sitting in a camp chair beer in one hand, roasting stick in the other. 

 

Two things happen at once when they join them at the fire pit. Merle gets a good look at Daryl’s face and stands up, heads in his direction. And Beth takes a deep breath and smiles like she’s been waiting all day just to come and make s’mores with his niece and nephews. But he knows better.

 

The kids immediately get her all fixed up with a stick and a marshmallow. Beau starts in about the Hershey bar with almonds he picked out cause he knows Beth likes them best. Daryl heard all about it when they were catching fireflies earlier. And he tucked the little bit of info away for a day when he might need to know that Beth likes almonds in her chocolate bars. 

 

Merle catches his eye and with a jerk of his head has Daryl following him into the house.

 

Nothing is said until the brothers are in the house with the door closed. 

 

“Wha’ the hell's going on? Ya, look like yer ready to blow!” He may be exaggerating a bit, but Merle knows Daryl best. Especially this side of him. 

 

“Her brother, fucking prick, he… goddammit, Merle, he put his hands on her, pushed her down.. he fuckin’... I’m gonna kill him!” He can let his anger loose in here. He’s pretty good at hiding things too. Maybe. Maybe she knew he was putting on a show, that this isn’t over.

 

“The fuck you say? Tha’ little shit hurt her?” He’d told Merle about the confrontation at the farm. And Merle saw his black eye, the one that’s still got a ghost of a bruise under it. And Merle and Carol love Beth. They’ve seen the things that have gone on over the years, things he isn’t privy too. They’ve been like a second family to her.

 

Daryl gave Merle the short version of what Beth had told him, all the while pacing the kitchen, a beer in his hand strategically placed there by his older brother. 

 

“Wha’d Hershel do?”

 

“I dunno, she didn’t say… but he’s still over there, I can go now, catch him off guard-”

 

“Ya ain’t going nowhere. Ain’t gonna do any good right now. I ain’t lettin’ ya get yer ass in hot water this way.”

 

“He fuckin’ put his hands on her… she, she..” Daryl slams his bottle on the counter at the exact moment Beth comes in the back door.

 

“Daryl?” He ducks his head, can’t look her in the eye because his are filled with tears. Hot, angry, tears.

 

“You got my baby brother’s heart all tied up in knots,” Merle says gently and Daryl peeks through his hair, watches his brother as he reaches out and takes a hold of Beth's hand. “We Dixon’s don’t take kindly ta anyone hurtin’ the people we love Beth, ya gotta know that.”

 

“I do, I.. I don’t want anything else to happen, I just want it to stop.” She sounds so fucking sad. Daryl bites his lip and drags his arm across his eyes so he can look at her. 

 

“Sure, and right now it is,” Merle says. ”Ain’t no one gonna go off and do nothin’ for now. But it ain’t over darling, you know that. Gonna have ta deal with it eventually and yer gonna have to let that man over there make it known that no one’s gonna hurt his girl.” When she looks at him Daryl sees the fear in her eyes.

 

“Hey, I ain’t gonna kill yer brother. Beth, I ain’t gonna do that. Can’t ask me not ta wanna protect ya though. Even if it’s just the fuckin’ alcohol or whatever, all’s I care ‘bout is you girl.” Now he can look at her and he doesn’t even care if she can tell he’s been bawling like a little bitch. 

 

She’s nodding a little as she walks across the kitchen, wraps her arms around him and tucks herself against his chest.

 

“I just don't want anything to happen to you because of all this. I know you’re gonna protect me, I know… why do you think I came looking for you Daryl? Remember zombies and the big bad wolf,” Her soft laughter and the memory of what she told him in the truck eases the ache in his chest and he can even chuckle a little.

 

“Ok I don’ know what kinda freaky shit y’all get up to but I think I’ma go help my boys make s’mores. Come on out when yer ready. Beth grabs a beer, we got some relaxing to do right now.” When the door closes behind Merle, Daryl cups Beth’s face in his hands.

 

“I ain’t gonna lie, I wanna kill him.” Beth is shaking her head, her lips pursed.

 

“He’s not worth going to prison for. And I don’t want to lose you.” Leaning down he kisses her softly.

 

“Ain’t gonna lose me, girl.” He’s still angry and if he lets himself he can get angrier still. But he won’t do anything stupid because he doesn’t want to lose her either.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Nights like these are some of Beth’s favorites. This isn’t her first time sitting around the fire pit with Merle, Carol, and the kids, but it’s her first time with Daryl. Maybe if the circumstances were different they’d be enjoying themselves more. But at least it’s a distraction for now. And the beer although it’s bitter, it’s taking the edge off of everything.

 

She’s been watching DJ, the little boy has stuck close to Daryl since they came back and sat down. He pulled his chair next to his uncle’s and sat there quietly eating his s’mores and watching Daryl. At one point he leans over and says something to Daryl while Beau is roasting his last marshmallow and taking his sweet time because after he’s done its showers and bedtime.

 

“How come ya didn’ tell me?” Beth leans in a little so she can eavesdrop on the conversation. 

 

“Cause I was by myself in the woods an I ain’t supposed ta be, but Beau’s too loud. We was never gonna find nothing. I can be quite like you,” DJ says shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Ya really found one?” DJ nods and glances over at Beth. Daryl does too and she smiles at them.

 

“You’re going to teach them to use a crossbow?” Something about that just seems perfect. And she can see it, the three of them out in the woods together.

 

“Had ta find a rabbit warren first. All on their own.” Daryl explains. Looking back at DJ he says, “Gonna have ta show me for I agree ta them lessons.” DJ nods again a little smile on his face. 

 

“What lessons? We ain’t found no rabbits yet. What’re y’all talking about?” Beau asks his face a mess of chocolate and graham cracker crumbs.

 

“Alright everyone inside now, it’s already after ten!” Carol makes the call and the grumbling starts. Mainly it’s Beau wanting to know what DJ said. But it’s also Sophia complaining that she needs a later bedtime than her baby brothers which incites a small riot with said baby brothers. DJ’s attempts to join Beau in wiping their sticky fingers on their big sister is half-hearted. He looks back at Daryl still wearing that smile.

 

Once they’re gone and it’s quiet Merle asks about Daryl’s job for Abe and how it’s coming because he’s got some work lined up for next week.

 

“ ‘Cept for the fourth. Gonna head out on an early fishing trip before that goddamned carnival in town. I’d be happy staying here and shooting off fireworks over the pond. But they got a Ferris wheel and shooting games and shit. Damn kids. Y’all coming out?” Merle asks.

 

Daryl looks over at her. They haven’t talked about the fourth of July. They haven’t really talked about what comes next as far as dating and dates go. She’s beginning to think that they’re very unconventional, her and Daryl and that she likes it. 

 

“You ever been?” he asks her. She has, but it’s been awhile. These last few years the farm was her whole world. But the world has gotten bigger and she’ll go anywhere and do anything if Daryl is with her.

 

“Not for a few years, but it might be fun.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Beth, I don’t know everythin’ thas’ goin’ on, but I know yer daddy’s a good man, I don’ see him standin’ fer none a this. An ya got us, shoot got my baby brother all off an in love..” Chuckling at the groan from Daryl he tips his bottle back, swallows the rest of his beer and looks over at the two of them. “I’m hittin’ the hay. Y’all wanna put this out for me?”

 

“Mmm hmm. We got it.” Daryl finishes off his beer and sets it on the ground next to his chair. Leaning forward he rests his elbows on his knees. The firelight flickers on his face. She knows he isn’t letting this go. Not completely. She doesn’t expect him too.

 

Because he loves her.

 

“Stay with me.” It’s uneasy, the statement. He’s not asking.

 

“I don’t- I don’t have any clothes.” She doesn’t realize how it sounds until he’s giving her the ghost of a smile.

 

“Don’t need any.” And he’s teasing. It lightens the moment and he reaches for her hand. “Com’ere, lemme show ya something.” Leading her up and into the apartment, he flips on the bathroom light and pulls open a small drawer on the vanity. There’s a brand new pink toothbrush, a bar of soap that isn’t green and pine scented, and a hairbrush.

 

It’s overwhelming and not because of what it could imply. It’s the simple fact that she’s wanted. 

 

“For ya start thinkin’, I know what ya meant when ya said you was scared and that we got time- this,” touching the edge of the drawer he looks to her reflection in the mirror, “this is just here for you in case ya need it, like now, ain’t nothing else.” 

 

Nodding she leans into him and he slips an arm around her waist pulling her close wrapping her up in the smell of the fire and beer and him.

 

Even if she had planned on going home, which she hadn’t, there was no way she could now. Not after this.

 

He gave her a drawer.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He told her she didn’t need clothes but he did give her a t-shirt to wear to bed. He handed it to her before he went to shower, leaving her alone to change. Stopping in the doorway and glanced over his shoulder just as she was pulling her own t-shirt over her head. 

 

The candles on the bedside table did little to light the room but he could see the arch in her back, the definition of the muscles in her arms as she stretched. Little things, parts of her he commits to memory. She wasn’t wearing a bra and that would never get old. And the beginnings of a bruise on her shoulder blade, small but still...She must have sensed him there watching because her arms instinctively wrapped around her, covering her and he was sure if he could see it, there’d be a blush on her cheeks.

 

“Yer beautiful Beth.” He said it and then left it there for her to do with as she pleased and he went and took his shower. 

 

Now they’re laying on the bed, covers at their feet, ceiling fan stirring the air around them offering a little respite from the heat. He isn’t sure what to do, he’s kind of at a loss, he doesn’t know what she wants. Usually, he can tell, he can read her but tonights different. He’d been angry and maybe that anger had pushed her away. Or maybe she just wants to sleep, doesn’t want him touching her. He only wants to hold her, doesn’t have to be about sex. 

 

“Ya okay?” So he’ll ask. She hesitates before she answers. When she does she rolls over on her side and looks at him. 

 

“Yeah. I am. Just thinking.” 

 

“We ain’t gotta do nothin’, but can I jus’-”

 

“Hold me. I want you too, Daryl… please.” That’s all he wanted. Hand on her hip he rolls her over against him, her back to his chest and she curls up there.

 

“ ‘M sorry ‘bout all this Beth,” he whispers into her hair. He’s not apologizing for anything he’s done, because he hasn’t done anything. This was all before him, but it happened and it hurts her so now it hurts him and he wishes he could somehow fix it. Make it go away. All of it. 

 

Is that how it is for her when she sees the scars on his back, or when she runs her hands over them when he’s inside of her trying to forget everything, does she think about what his life was like before? He thinks that she might. Like him, she might wish she could take away some of his hurt too. He can believe that. 

 

“Don’t have to be sorry, you’re always the one who‘s here. I can always find you when everything else falls apart,” her voice is soft. 

 

She’s been here for him too. Maybe he can tell her about DJ now, about the fish hook and the blood and how he was terrified to touch his nephew and hated himself for it… He can tell her that and she’ll do just like he’s always figured, something to make him feel better. Like he’s doing for her. Because this is what you do when you love someone. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

There’s a sudden jarring tug at his shoulder blades. It pulls him back a little, takes his breath away. The ruffle of feathers is a soft swish in his ears. And the wind, the wind is everywhere.

 

Beth’s still here with him. He can’t see her but he knows she’s here. That’s how they fell asleep, him wrapped around her in bed. There’s that tug again and the wind that lifts him carries him. There’s a flurry of wings, around him, underneath him. Wings. Black wings on his back.

 

He’s aware now of the fact that he’s dreaming. This isn’t real. He doesn’t have wings. But the knowledge doesn’t change the fact that it feels so real. The wings on his back, the wind in his face and hair. He reaches out to wrap his arms around her but she’s gone and it’s dark and the wings are pressing against him, pushing him back. The more he fights it them the harder it gets to move.

 

“Daryl…” Her voice. And her hair against his cheek. The sheets tangled around their bodies. Their naked bodies. The t-shirt Beth was wearing is gone and she’s pressed up against him grinding her ass into his very hard cock. If this is still a part of the dream he doesn’t want to wake up yet. 

 

Sliding an arm around her he cups her breast in his hand, squeezes and when she moans in response to that he reaches down and gets a hold of his cock that’s trapped between her body and his. Pushing it down he nudges her legs apart with his knee and slides his hardness between her thighs. Rolling his hips experimentally he feels his cock slide against her pussy, not in it against it and it’s good, so good. Beth catches on quick and she tightens her thighs around him flexing the muscles there.

 

“You’re so fuckin’ hot girl… and wet…” He gets a hold of her hip, thrusts harder and as she arches her back he feels it as his cock slides inside her. She whimpers burrowing back against him, pushes her hand down between her legs where he can’t see it and he’d very much like to see it because he knows what she’s doing. He feels her fingers brush his cock as he moves against her and she rubs her clit.

 

Dropping his head on her shoulder he kisses her ear, her neck, gets his mouth on the taut muscle and bites down gently smiling when she shivers and pushes her ass back molding her to him, relentlessly moving against him.

 

“Harder... I need, make me come!” Her breathing is ragged and she’s got to be close because he is. Just watching her, feeling her. It's not gonna take much and he’s gonna come undone.

 

Wrapping an arm around her and taking her breast in his hand again he buries his face in her hair and slams into her. She matches his rhythm, her hand still working furiously on her clit and the little ripples of pleasure turn into a shattering climax and he would bet his life she came at exactly the very same time as him. For a second he’s back in that dream state but this time he’s holding on to her. She's there. Not a dream.

 

He feels her hand on his thigh, fingers softly stroking up and down. 

 

“I want it always to be like this Daryl... “ If she only knew. He wants this too and he’ll fight for it if he has too. 

 

“Dreamed I had wings, but yer the one that made me fly. Damn girl…” Rolling up against her he feels it. Wet. Too much wet, like a little puddle on the bed between them. Pushing himself up on one elbow he can see it, come on the backs her thighs and the bed and it wouldn’t be like that if. Oh if.

 

“Jesus Beth… we didn’t use, fuck!” He hears the little intake of breath and she rolls over to face him.

 

“I didn’t think… it was too good waking up to you and that.” She’s smiling. A soft smile dazed and mellow until his words penetrate her post-orgasmic brain.

 

“Oh.” She doesn’t look upset. Surprised but not angry or worried or anything he’d expect. His expectations are kind of limited because he’s never, not once had this little problem. And it’s little, it’s just… fuck.

 

“ ‘M sorry I wasn’t thinkin’...”

 

“Me either, I just, I wanted you and I think it’s okay Daryl, I mean I’ve only been with Jimmy so-” He has no idea what she’s going on about until he does.

 

“I ain’t worried about catching nothing…”  _ Not from you, you’re perfect.  _ “It’s just, ya ain’t on any birth control are ya? I mean ya never said…”

 

Then she gets it. Birth control. Babies.

 

“Oh!” She says that fucking word and how she can convey whatever emotion she’s feeling into those two little letters is beyond him but she does and it’s not doing anything for his nerves right now.

 

“I’m not. Using any birth control. We used condoms and we…” There’s the face he thought she’d make a few minutes ago. Nervous, a little scared. And shit she doesn’t need this right now. Not with everything else. She doesn’t need to worry about an accidental-

 

“Fuck Beth, ‘m sorry, shoulda thought…”

 

“Hey, stop. I was here too. You can’t blame yourself for this. Unless you wanna act like you’re so much older…” He glares at her but sees the little glint in her eye and knows she’s teasing him. And she is the only person in the world who can tease him about this and get away with it.

 

“I’ma blame you, rubbing yer sweet little ass all over me and I was helpless… dreaming about flying.” Resting his forehead against hers he relaxes when she cups his cheek, rubs her the soft pad of her thumb under his eye. 

 

“I’m not going to worry about Daryl. And neither are you. Unless we have to okay?” Daryl nods because that’s all he can do when she’s looking at him like she is now. Leaning in she kisses his forehead. And it out of everything they just did, is the thing that undoes his heart. 

 

“Love you girl… so fuckin’ much.” That smile that he can coax out of her, most of the time with very little effort has become one of his favorite things. 

 

“Can I tell you something, kinda ridiculous?” she whispers against his mouth where she seems to have decided her lips need to be.

 

“Mmmm hmmm.”

 

“I’d much rather worry about this, you know, than all the other stuff. It doesn’t hurt, thinking about that.” He can’t really breathe at the moment and she must have sensed that. “Not that I want... it’s not, we’re not… I don’t know. I’m not making any sense am I?” 

 

She is and she isn’t. It wouldn’t be an ideal situation right now, and hell if he’s being honest he never thought about being in that situation ever. But. A baby with Beth. 

 

It’s a secret he didn’t know he wanted to keep. With her. That they could have that.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth didn’t get to ask Daryl out on the date like she’d wanted to. He got a call from Abe about a crack in the floor in Paula’s kitchen. She dropped a jar of pickles and could he come and check it out. Beth smiled as he grumbled on the phone because he sounded so in his element talking about the logistics of a crack and what they’d have to do now and what was she thinking, she was supposed to stay off the floor as much as possible until next week.

 

She also got a call. Her daddy wanted her to come home. 

 

“No one’s here. Just me. I want to talk to you sweetheart. Just us.” It had given her anxiety thinking about it and she hadn’t even told Daryl much beyond the fact that her daddy wanted to talk. Of course, the first thing Daryl asked was if Shawn was going to be there. Beth couldn’t answer that because she didn’t know. 

 

Daryl drove her home and instead of kissing her and letting her go he gets out and walks her to the porch. Hershel’s sitting there with his coffee and he stands as they come up the porch steps. 

 

“Daryl.” Daryl nods and takes her hand. She’s pretty sure she knows where this is going and she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

 

“He ain’t coming over is he?” Daryl asks. “He” being Shawn.

 

“No. He isn’t coming over.” Hershel seems to sense that there’s more so he waits. Beth is waiting too. Waiting to see what Daryl does, how he’s going to continue to be here for her.

 

“I don’t wan’ him around her. Unless I’m here.”

 

“You don’t think I can protect my daughter?” It’s a challenge but given the past and everything that’s happened Daryl has the advantage. It doesn’t make her feel good knowing that and she doesn't think it makes Daryl feel good either. It’s not a game.

 

Daryl doesn’t offer anything but a shrug.

 

“I told him he couldn’t come back until it was okay with Beth and Maggie. I told him a few other things too and well, we’ll see how much of what I said made any difference. I tried. And it’s the best I can do. I can say it’s a whole hell of a lot better than what I’ve been doing.” Hershel looks defeated and he’s a little diminished in her eyes but he’s still her daddy and she will probably always leave the door open for him. She won’t be waiting just inside it anymore. 

 

“Alright.” Daryl seems to accept that. Turning to her he smiles a little. That crooked smile and those blue eyes. Soft for her, but stormy because that’s just him. “Ya okay?” he asks. Looking over at Hershel he gives him a nod.

 

“I’ll be right back daddy.” She follows Daryl back over to his truck and slips her arms around his waist hugging him. “Thank you.”

 

“Sorry if I overstepped-” 

 

“You didn’t, you… I love you.” Pulling back she looks up at him. “Remember you’re the one that I come looking for.”

 

“Always gonna find me, girl.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **What’s Hershel going to say to Beth? Will Daryl get his chance to beat Shawn's ass? And will Paula stay out of the kitchen after Daryl fixes the crack? So many questions! Let me a note an let me know what you think… It does matter!!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Daryl is a man of his word… and he looks good in sleeveless t-shirts! Thank you all.. you make me smile and I appreciate all the kindness!**

 

Chapter 25

 

 

Beth’s stayed busy all week. Besides the library, she checked back in at the E.R and Dr. Edwards took out her stitches and recommended a couple of creams to minimize scarring. She’d also volunteered to go out on two calls with Maggie and her daddy. She wanted to see first hand how her dad was getting around with his prosthetic leg. Both calls were foaling mares with high-risk pregnancies. Hershel and Maggie were just there to assist as needed. But the deliveries were both successful. Beth could tell this was a huge boost for Hershel's confidence. And Maggie didn’t throw up. But she called Beth out on coming along pressing her little sister for the truth.

 

“And don’t give me some lame excuse like you were bored, had some free time on your hands. I’m sure any free time would have been taken up by Daryl. What gives?”

 

“You’re leaving, moving out with Glenn and I just, I don’t want to stay there again. Like that, like… So I came to see how daddy’s doing. How he’s getting around and all that.” Guilt made a home inside of her all those years ago and even knowing what she knows now it’s a hard habit to break. She didn’t cause her daddy’s accident. None of it is her fault and she can stop paying a penance that was never hers to pay.

 

Because she’s been thinking about her future and what she can do now. For herself. Things have changed, but the fact of the matter is the farm will never be the home it once was. And when she thinks about being there, without Maggie she feels a weight settle in her chest and she can’t live like that.

 

She's been thinking about Daryl too and that drawer her gave her. She knows what it means to him, what it represents. It’s a future with him. At least that’s what she’s hoping. And they’ll get there. It’s where she wants to be but there doesn’t need to be any rush. 

 

“Are you moving in with Daryl?” Beth had expected her sister to ask this. It would have been weird if she hadn’t.

 

“No. I, it’s too soon and I don’t want that yet. I’m still figuring out what I’m gonna do Mags. I don’t know but, I need to do this.” 

 

“You should. Daddy will be fine. I think he’ll learn to love it. Having his own space. Unless of course, Shawn ends up there.” Maggie frowned and then shook her head. “Can't-do nothing about that though… hey you know Glenn and I are seriously looking at this old house that’s been converted into three apartments, well two apartments and a loft. What if you could afford the loft? How much do you make at the library?” And then she was off, her sister loved to dream big and although it wasn’t really all that big of a dream, her own loft space seemed like such a long shot. But maybe.

 

As busy as she’s been Daryl’s always there in her thoughts. She’ll stop what she’s doing and wonder what he’s doing right then. Is he having a cup of coffee? Maybe cleaning up from working on cars all day? Is he thinking about her and missing her like she’s missing him? 

 

The hardest times are laying in bed at night. She knows what it’s like to be with him in his bed, curled up in his arms, his heartbeat a lullaby she swears she could pick out from a million others. 

 

By Wednesday morning she’s tired of feeling so miserable after their late night phone calls. And she just wants to see him.

 

_ Want to meet me for lunch today?  _

 

_ Yes. _ His one-word response makes her smile. Because it's definitely a Daryl response.

 

_ Come to the library at 12. _

 

_ Ok. I miss u. _ He misses her. 

 

_ I love you.  _ And she loves him.

 

The morning goes by incredibly fast and the best thing about it, besides Daryl coming to meet her, is Mr. Monroe’s offer of extra hours if Beth wants them. They need an assistant to help with filing and reshelving in the afternoons. Extra hours? And a loft.

 

“And I’d like you to take a look at the scholarships the library is offering. I don’t know what your plans are as far as school but there’s a pretty decent amount of money that we give to anyone looking to further their education.”

 

Money for school? She has a college fund that she hasn’t ever talked to her daddy about. Something that was set up years ago. But a scholarship would help too.

 

“Aren’t those just for high school kids or something?” She can feel herself blushing and she knows there is absolutely no shame in not having gone to college yet. Her life and everything that had happened had made college seem like a pipe dream.

 

But it isn’t. It really isn’t.

 

“To be honest I don’t remember the last time a high school student even applied for the scholarships we offer. It’s usually young adults or single parents, people who want to get an education but can’t afford it or have only just decided what they want to be when they grow up.” Reg laughs like he knows exactly how that is. “The money isn’t just for school. It can help with other things that come up, rent, bills, school takes time away from having a job and that can be a hindrance for people who need to make a living.”

 

She takes everything he tells her to heart and before she knows it the children’s section of the library is quiet and she’s cleaning up. With everything on her mind, she isn’t paying attention to what’s going on around her and she jumps when Daryl clears his throat.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

After Daryl dropped Beth off at the farm he’d headed to Paula’s trying not to think about leaving Beth and Hershel’s question.

 

_ You don’t think I can protect my daughter? _

 

He’d wanted to yell ‘fuck no!’ right in the old man’s face because it was the truth. Daryl can’t deny losing his wife was devastating, but his kids were still there and they needed him. His little girl needed him and he hadn’t been there.

 

So no, Daryl did not believe Hershel could protect Beth like he should, like Daryl himself would, will, is. He’d stopped off for a bottle of whiskey. And yeah maybe he was being a hypocrite by turning to the same vice that the Greene men seemed to favor. But there was a difference, Daryl knew when to stop. He knew his limit and right now he just needed to take the edge off of everything.

 

A little whiskey did the trick. He took care of the issue at Paula’s and when she giggled and kept touching his arm he was brave enough to tell her his girlfriend Beth told him to make sure and thank Paula for the nice compliments. The touching stopped and Paula retreated to the backyard and left him alone.

 

True to his word Merle had jobs lined up and it kept them busy in the garage from sun up until just before sundown. Unfortunately, it didn’t completely occupy Daryl’s mind. Most of the repairs he was doing were things he could do with his eyes closed. His hands took over and he was left to think about Beth.

 

They’d talked on the phone last night until her voice was soft with sleep and his body was doing all kinds of crazy things because of it. He’d gotten into the habit of thinking of her when he was sleeping alone. That’s what it was now, sleeping alone. Not just sleeping, not after having her next to him.

 

He’d think about her, how it felt having her pressed up against him, her soft skin and warm breath. It didn’t take much and with his fingers curled around his cock and her voice in his ear whispering things she hadn’t said yet, but might, maybe. It almost hurt with how good it feels. But he’s left wanting because she isn’t there.

 

Thinking about her made him miss her and missing her made him grumpy and he didn’t like being grumpy. He was short with Merle and dismissive of the boys even snapped at Carol. He knew the minute he did he was wrong but Carol just smiled at him, folded her arms and told him to go see his girlfriend.

 

Sophia, who’d been sitting at the dining room table, overheard the conversation and she’d giggled. His glare hadn’t phased her.

 

“She lives next door uncle Daryl! Jeeze if my boyfriend lived that close I’d just walk over and see him, get a kiss so I’d feel better.”

 

“Ya ain’t allowed ta have no boyfriends! Ain’t allowed ta kiss ‘em either!” He’d stomped off leaving Carol and Sophia giggling. But later that night after the house was dark, he’d left his apartment and wandered through the woods until he could see the farm and Beth’s window. It had been dark and he’d been too nervous to go any further. 

 

Besides missing her there’s the whole issue with the condom or lack of one. She’d hardly seemed worried at all. She did have a whole lot of other things on her mind though. 

 

But this. 

 

It could be a big deal. It might not be anything. But it could. Right now he’s having all kinds of anxiety and he’s well aware of the fact that it’s mainly because he wants to see her. All of the time. 

 

And he’ll give her all the drawers she wants.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

She turns and he’s there and for a few seconds she just looks at him and everything they’ve been through together flashes through her mind like a video on fast forward. 

 

“Hi.”

 

“Hey.”

 

Tentative steps. Hers and his. And she smiles at him, his hands stuffed in his pockets like he’s nervous or something, but when they’re close enough it’s like a magnet, like an invisible force pulling... His hands find their way out of his pockets and they’re cupping her face, thumbs brushing her cheeks and lips and then he trades his thumbs for his lips and this is everything.

 

The way he tastes, the feel of his scruff on her face, how he holds her in his hands like she’s a priceless artifact. He sets everything inside her on fire. She wants to wrap herself up in him. He makes her feel capable and strong, even when he’s standing on her daddy’s porch making it clear he’s gonna protect her. 

 

But he’s let her see him break too, the words of a love letter from a little boy to his daddy opened him wide and he didn’t try to hide his vulnerability then, he accepted the comfort she offered and he’s been showing her those sides of him, the ones he keeps to himself, the ones he’s afraid of. He shows her and he lets her in. Not completely. Not yet. But she gets the feeling he’s never let anyone get this close.

 

She hasn’t either for that matter, not for a very long time anyway.

 

Maybe somehow her heart knew he was coming and she was just waiting.

 

Pulling back just a little, just enough to catch her breath because breathing went out the window the minute they touched, she tilts her chin to look up at him and he rests his forehead on hers.

 

“Girl,” he exhales a heated breath against her cheek.

 

“I missed you,” she murmurs her fingers curling into his hair.

 

“ ‘S only been three days.” His eyes are a deep blue and she wants to kiss the crinkles at the corners of them.

 

“I know… it’s just-” Three days feels like too long. 

 

“I know. Me too.” And he leans down and kisses her again, softer this time but the intensity is still there just under the surface. “Where we goin’?”

 

“Oh! Hang on.” Letting go of him, reluctantly, she hurries behind the circulation desk and grabs ahold of the handle of the little cooler. And suddenly she’s self-conscious. She’d packed a lunch and maybe he’d think that was silly.

 

“Ya brought us a lunch?” Daryl asks. She had. And there’s a park across the street and a blanket in her car. 

 

“I did. But I mean if you wanna go-” He’s shaking his head and looking from her to the cooler.

 

“Ain’t never had a picnic with a pretty girl before.” Reaching for her hand, he takes the cooler and they walk out of the library into the afternoon sun.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

There are a blanket and food and Beth. Sitting on the ground is awkward and he’s been shifting around trying to find a comfortable position. One where he doesn’t look like a complete idiot. She looks like she has picnics every day. Even in the little lace dress and cowboy boots she’s wearing.

 

She’s beautiful and she’s his.

 

“Are you okay Daryl?” She’s unpacking a bunch of things from the cooler. Sandwiches, chips, carrots, pickles, bottles of water.

 

“Mmm hmm,” he shifts again trying to get his legs and his boots to cooperate so he can sit Indian style. Like her. 

 

“You look a little uncomfortable. We can sit at a table-”

 

“ ‘M fine.” She’s perfect right here on this blanket and that’s where he’s gonna stay.

While they eat Beth tells him about the job offer and scholarship possibilities. The hope is rolling off of her in waves and it’s about time she’s catching a break. That’s what he thinks anyway. He tells her about Paula’s and how he got a phone call this morning from Glenn. Apparently, Paula was raving about her new floors and countertops to Glenn’s mother and she’s interested in doing something similar in their restaurant. 

 

“You’re doing it right?” She sounds like Merle, all the faith in the world in him. He doubts he’d get out of it if he could. Which he doesn’t want to. And it isn’t a done deal yet. Just talk so far.

 

Beth tells him about the house Maggie and Glenn are looking at and the loft apartment. He wants to tell her to just come live with him, but maybe she needs this, at least for a little while. She has a drawer at his house though. And she can have more, he’ll give her whatever she wants when she’s ready.

 

“I could come stay the night at yer place then…” Her eyes sparkle and she leans into him. She’d scooted over next to him when she made him a plate and he didn’t feel so awkward sitting there with Beth close enough to brush up against.

 

“Could sneak over to the farm any night… climb in my window…” She’s giggling and he thinks about the other night when he walked through the woods and stood there looking at the farm and her window.

 

He could’ve…

 

They’re busying themselves, finishing off lunch when he brings up the talk she had with her daddy.

 

“Oh. It was good, it was... He apologized for Shawn and for everything again. He, he can’t fix it, Daryl, you know? He can’t take it back. But I think that the older I get the more I’m able to understand it. Doesn’t make any of it right, but I understand it. Losing my mama broke him. He loved her so much and without her, he didn’t even wanna live…” Her voice gets soft and Daryl slips an arm around her waist.

 

“Com’ere…” Pulling her in closer he brushes a kiss on her temple.

 

“He has us and he didn’t even wanna live… I don’t think that I could do that to a child, my own child even if I lost the man I loved,” She stops talking and looks at him, then sighing she keeps going. “I guess that loving you has maybe… I can’t imagine... I love you so much Daryl, I don’t even want to think about what it would do to my heart to lose now or twenty years from now…” Twenty years? She’s thinking about forever? And she’s blushing and sputtering excuses. But all he heard was forever. “I mean you know if we, if… and if there was a baby, a child, that’s something you can’t just give up on right?” 

 

Parents are supposed to love their kids, maybe even more than they love each other. Although how that could even be possible, he doesn’t think he could love anyone more than he loves her. But a child, that they made together? He’d protect it as fiercely as he’s gonna protect her.

 

“Can’t give up. Nope,” he says and then because he needs to hear it from her, “Ya ain’t worried about, ya know? Shit, Beth, I fucked up, was jus’ wantin’ you.” She rests a hand on his cheek and looks at him, really looks.

 

“This is bothering you?” He ducks his head but she won’t let him look away. “Daryl I think it’ll be fine. I mean I know my body and,” she’s blushing again and he has no doubt he is too, “it’s not impossible, but I, I’m pretty regular so by tomorrow I should…  but if I was?” Turning the tables. Sneaky girl. Shrugging he reaches for the rest of her pickle.

 

“We’d make it work.”

 

“So you’d want kids someday?” Shrugging again he looks at her. He’d never thought about this kind of someday. Until her. Now this kind of someday is one he imagines he’d be happy with. More than happy. 

 

“With you.” That seems to please her, she laughs and it’s a soft, delighted, little laugh. They don’t say anything else about it or her daddy. She reprimands him for eating her pickle and he even dares to kiss his her. On a blanket in the middle of the park.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Digging through her closet she’s trying to keep her anxiety at a minimum. It’s just that walking around town on a day when everyone is going to be out is making her nervous.

 

But her job, going shopping and out to dinner, that’s all been fine. She’s been doing it. Just not like this. 

 

Pretty shirt, cut-offs, cowboys boots, bracelets dangling on her arm, she’s ready. She may have worn the boots because she kind of thinks Daryl likes them. He hasn’t specifically said so but they way he looks her up and down when she’s wearing them has her thinking. She hears the roar of an engine, a motorcycle to be exact.

 

And there’s only one person she knows who would ride up on a bike.

 

Grabbing her bag and running to the front door what she finds has her smiling. Daryl’s climbing off of his bike with a helmet in his hands.

 

“Daryl! Is that for me?” His hair's a mess, helmet hair and she loves it. He’s wearing jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt with his leather vest. And oh he has the best arms! He’s smiling that crooked smile she loves as he holds out the helmet.

 

“Toldja I was. Try it on, make sure it fits,” he says huskily and she sees his eyes are trained on her boots. Yep, he likes them. 

 

“But my shorts? Should I change?” She may not have ridden a street bike before but she imagines that shorts are not the best choice of clothing.

 

“Nah, we’re just going into town. Anywhere further though ya gotta wear something that covers you up.” Before she tries the helmet on she slides an arm around him and leans into his body for a hug.

 

“Thank you, Daryl. I’m so excited!!” He takes her bag while she pulls the helmet down over her blonde head. When she struggles with the strap he does it for her. He gives her the thumbs up on the helmet’s fit and then climbs on the bike. Before he starts it he reaches down and lowers the pegs.

 

“Ready for this?” His smile and the glint in his eye are proof that he’s probably just as excited as she is. Nodding she steps on the peg and gets on behind him, wrapping her arms around him, her feet bouncing on the pegs. He starts up the bike, she feels it vibrating through her entire body and they’re off.

 

Daryl’s right, riding a motorcycle is like flying. She thinks he’s probably taking it a little slower than he would if was riding alone, but they’re still eating up the road and she grips him with her thighs and holds her arms out to her sides so she can get the full effect.

 

Flying.

 

His hand on her knee gets her attention and even through the tinted faceguard of his helmet she can see his steely eyes and she lowers her arms. He’ll get used to her being her behind him and then maybe she can try a few other things. Things he probably won’t say no too. Wrapping her arms around him again she lets one hand slide down between his legs and she gives his inner thigh a squeeze. He eyes her in the little circle rear view mirror and clamps a hand over hers, but he doesn’t move it. Keeps it there.

 

It’ll be okay. No matter what. Even if everybody stares. She isn’t just the Beth who cut her wrist anymore. And in reality that was never all she was, she just needed to find the girl inside of her, the one who hid when everything fell apart.

 

She’s doing that now and Daryl is a big part of it. He’s not the reason, he’d probably say that himself, tell her she’s doing it all on her own. Coming back. But he’s here too and that means something. It means a whole lot of something to her.

 

So she makes up her mind not to let any of this bother her. She’s got him beside her and if it gets to be too much she knows all she has to do is say the word and he’ll take her away from it.

 

She has to live in this world too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl has had enough of the carnival. He expected looks, he’s a Dixon. That’s how it’s always been. He’s used to it. But they aren’t looking at him.

 

They’re looking at her.

 

And she’s trying so hard to pretend it doesn’t matter. But it does.

 

Main Street is shut down and there are booths and food vendors. The lot that sits empty the rest of the year is home to carnival rides. The Ferris Wheel the boys were looking forward too and the cheesy midway games that are almost impossible to win.

 

They rode his bike over and parked on a little side street. Beth had been excited then. Pulling off the helmet he’d bought her and trying to fix her hair, tuck the unruly curls back into the braid that rested on her shoulder, she’d been laughing and smiling.

 

In her cut off jeans and a pale purple shirt that keeps sliding off her shoulder, she’s beautiful. But that’s not what the little sidelong glances are. The whispers between people. All of them younger, she probably went to school with them and they know what happened.

 

Or some version of it anyway.

 

That’s what the stares are all about.

 

Merle, Carol, and the kids had come a little earlier for the parade. And Daryl was intent on finding them. Merle would be Merle, loud and maybe not as obnoxious as he once was but enough to keep Daryl’s nerves on low burn. Merle is his big brother. He handled things. At least when he was around he did.

 

They maneuver through the other people walking up and down checking out booths. Their hands brushing and bumping together until Daryl takes a hold of hers, weaves their fingers together and pulls her just a little closer. He can tell from the expression on her face that she's forcing a smile.

 

“Want somethin’ ta drink?” Pulling her even closer he slides an arm around her shoulders because she just looks lost. And he won’t have that. It seems to help because she gives him a smile that’s real and genuine and he’ll keep on doing whatever she needs him to if she’ll keep smiling.

 

They line up at a booth that’s selling bottled water and soda behind a woman that can’t be much older than Beth. There’s a stroller next to her and a tiny kid with a runny nose hanging onto her leg. Another one, not much older keeps darting out of line.

 

“Lucas get back here or ya ain't getting no soda!” The woman yells. She happens to glance back at them and Daryl sees the recognition in her eyes when she sees Beth.

 

“Beth? Beth Greene? How are you?” Beth seems taken aback at first, but then in true Beth fashion, she puts a smile on her face.

 

“Oh hi Amber, I’m good. How are you?” Looking at the kids at her feet and one in the stroller Daryl doesn’t think she’s all that fine. She looks miserable.

 

“I’m okay. Busy-” She gestures to the children. 

 

“You married Pete didn’t you?” She’s good, his girl, making small talk acting like she’s got this. And maybe she does. Moving in behind her he rests a hand on her shoulder. 

 

“Yeah, football captain and the head cheerleader, it’s like a dream come true.” The sarcasm is evident and she leans over and wipes the nose of the small child tangled in her legs. Beth leans down and smiles at the little girl.

 

“Hi, sweetie.” The little girl smiles back at her.

 

“That there is Scarlett. And River,” she says pointing to the stroller, “and Lucas is, somewhere out there. His daddy can find him.” She smiles at Beth again and eyes Daryl. “It’s good to see you, after everything…” Everything. Daryl sees it in the way Beth’s shoulders droop. Just with this little insinuation. But it isn’t little and they’ve been on display since they got off the bike. He’s about ready to take her hand and get her out of there when he hears a loud chuckle and his name.

 

“Daryl, yo partner!” Turning he sees Abraham headed in his direction with a very pretty, very young Hispanic girl.

 

“Hey, Abraham.” He takes Beth’s hand and smiles down at her nodding towards Abe. Get her away from all that mess, he thinks looking over Beth’s shoulder at the woman and her kids.

 

“Was hoping I’d find you here! This is my girl Rosita, Rosita this is Daryl, he’s gonna be my partner one day! Hell, he’ll probably end up my boss!” Daryl takes her hand when she offers it, but she’s looking over her shoulder at Beth. Of course.

 

“Beth?”

 

“Rosita?”

 

The girls immediately hug and fall into a conversation that doesn’t sound anything like the one she just had with the head cheerleader.

 

“I’m guessing they know each other! Probably went to school together.” Abe says and Daryl can’t help but think about that for a minute. Rosita is Beth’s age and Abe, shit he’s at least 5 years older than Daryl. Well.

 

They drift away from the booth selling beverages and head for the Irish pub. Abe wants something with a little kick and Daryl just wants to get away from anyone else who’s gonna take away Beth’s smile.

 

Daryl and Abe talk business and Beth and Rosita laugh and talk and from what he gathers from the conversation Rosita knows about Beth and something must have happened to Rosita, something the town decided was scandalous enough to have an opinion about too. 

 

“I have a scar,” Rosita’s saying. “I had a c-section.” The girls notice that the boys are quietly drinking their beers and watching them. Rosita raises her chin a little and looks at Daryl. “I got pregnant when I was fifteen, had a baby boy. He was adopted by a really nice family in California.” The way she says it, it’s like she’s daring Daryl to judge her. 

 

“My girl is tough. I’m just glad she came back so’s I could charm her into my life!” Abe laughs and Daryl knows there’s more to the story but when he looks at Beth, sees the look of recognition, he’s not the only one that feels it. The familiarity. 

 

They can’t stay long. Rosita has a family thing she’s ‘dragging my ass too’, Abe says but he doesn’t look all that put out. He buys a round of shots before they go. Beth tips the little glass of brown liquid back and Daryl is mesmerized by the expanse of her throat as she swallows. Giggling, she slams her glass on the table.

 

After exchanging numbers with Rosita and a promise to hang out, Beth takes his hand and squeezes it smiling up at him.

 

“That was nice,” she murmurs leaning her head against his shoulder.

 

“Mmm hmm.” Better than what they were getting. “Think we better get some food lightweight?” 

 

They decide on Best Burgers because the food vendors booths are packed with people and people aren’t what either of them really wants right now. So the less the better. They’re passing the lot full of carnival rides when Daryl hears his brothers whistle. He scans the crowd and sees Merle and Carol standing in front of the Ferris Wheel, smirking he glances at Beth.

 

“Better check in with this asshole before we go eat.” She’s smiling at him and looking all dreamy eyed. Yep, she’s a lightweight! 

 

Carol and Merle both look miserable. Merle’s holding a giant teddy bear and a couple of scrawny green monkeys in his arms and Carol’s clutching two plastic bags full of water each with a little fish inside. Their tiny bodies flash in the sun as they swim in circles in their plastic prisons.

 

“Get me outta this hell! “ Merle grumbles shifting the load in his arms.

 

“This is the last ride, I told them. These fish are gonna boil if we don't get them into some shade!” Carol isn’t much happier. 

 

“Did you win all of those Merle?” Beth asks. Merle glares at her.

 

“Ya hush now or I’ma make ya carry ‘em all home on the back a Daryl’s bike!” He gives her a little smile and a wink.

 

“We’re going over to that burger place come on down when yer done.” Daryl loves seeing Merle in full dad mode and he loves it, even more, when Merle is being tortured by his kids. Giving his big brother a little finger wave and getting a middle finger in return he and Beth walk the rest of the way to the burger place. 

 

It’s pretty crowded, seems like other people had the same idea as they did. There are a few tables though and Beth snags one while Daryl heads to the counter to order. A large group files in behind him and he loses sight of Beth sitting at the yellow picnic table in the shade of an orange umbrella. After an excruciating discussion about what they should eat the couple in front of him finally agrees and places their order and moves on. Daryl's order is simple and shoving his change in his pocket he grabs the ticket and navigates the group of people. There’s shouting from somewhere and he hears Beth and disregarding everyone around him he pushes through the crowd.

 

She’s standing up by that yellow table, right under the orange umbrella and Shawn’s got a hold of her wrist. Daryl sees the beads of her bracelets glinting in the sun as she twists her arm in her brother's grip. There’s an older man standing beside Beth trying to intervene. Daryl feels the bile rise in his throat and all he sees is Shawn’s fingers wrapped around Beth’s wrist. 

 

He’s there in a couple of strides and he grabs Shawn from behind dragging him down to the ground. To his credit Shawn immediately lays into Daryl, fighting back but Daryl has the upper hand.

 

“You fuckin’ touched her.. you fuckin’.. yer dead boy!” Daryl growls into Shawns face. It’s red and he’s sweating and the odor of whiskey is coming off of him in waves. Of course he’s drunk. 

 

“Yer crazy! Get off a me redneck, get off..” Daryl slams him back to the ground and then he hears it. The distinct sound of a siren, just a chirp, like a warning.

 

Fuck! Who called the cops? His first instinct is to run but he can’t. He’s got Beth and he’s not in the wrong. Even if he’s a no good, redneck, Dixon.

 

“That’s him, this girl’s boyfriend came over and it was just in time too. He pulled that drunk man off of her!” The elderly gentleman is explaining all of this to a deputy. Grimes. Daryl knows of him. They even went to school together.

 

Rick comes over and looks down at Shawn.

 

“Shawn Greene.” He smiles but it isn’t a hey how ya doing smile. 

 

“I was jus’ tryin’ ta talk to my sister Sheriff-”

 

“Last time ya talked ta her ya put yer hands on her, pushed her-” Daryl leans down his grip on Shawn’s shirt tightening.

 

“That so? Go ahead and let him up.. Daryl, Daryl Dixon, right? I got him. Go check on your girl okay?” His girl, Beth. Fuck. She’s standing not far behind Rick the with the elderly man and his wife.

 

“My wife called the cops. Couldn’t stomach how he was treating this young lady!” He moves aside, giving Daryl room to get closer to her. Taking her hands, he looks at her wrist but its fine, no marks. Then he looks into her eyes and there is where he finds the hurt.

 

“Hey, com’ere. Did he hurt- what the hell was he doing? Dammit, I wasn’t even gone fer more than a couple minutes, Beth…” Reaching out she rests her hand on his chest and gives him a small smile.

 

“I’m okay. I’m… you’re here.” She takes his hand and they head over to Rick.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“The caller said you were harassing Beth, is that true?” Shawn’s sitting on a bench his white t-shirt  covered in dust from rolling around on the ground. And it’s obvious he’s not sober, not at all.

 

“No, hell she’s my sister! Tell ‘em, Beth, tell ‘em!” Beth moves back a little when her brothers eyes land on her. She moves back against Daryl. “He started it! He’s a fuckin’ Dixon man, ya know what they’re like! Him and his brother-”

 

“Daryl and his brother aren’t the problem here,” Rick says and Beth feeling the anger rising inside of her because how dare he, how dare he say anything about Daryl and Merle.

 

“He was harassing me, Sheriff Grimes,” Beth says stepping forward and pushing her shoulders back. She won’t cower in front of her brother anymore. He may have a problem but bullying her wasn’t going to be an option. Not anymore.

 

“It’s Rick, Beth, just Rick. Did he push you down, Daryl said something…”

 

“Yes-” she starts but is quickly interrupted by Shawn.

 

“It was a misunderstanding, a family discussion.” Rick’s aware of what’s been going on in the Greene household. He’s been a family friend for years. It was his daddy that brought Maggie and Shawn home many nights when he should have taken them in.

 

“Did you push her?” Rick asks Shawn again.

 

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean it, I…” 

 

“She could press charges. That’s assault, Shawn.” Her brothers face pales and Beth feels a whole bunch of emotions she can’t even begin to process. Daryl’s behind her and she feels someone come up beside her. Carol. Looking over her shoulder she sees Merle and the boys and Sophia. Turning back to Rick she shakes her head.

 

“I’m not gonna, I’m not-” Rick takes her hand. Holds it gently in his and smiles at her and she notices his eyes are blue too. A soft blue like a worn out pair of jeans. That strikes her as funny but she doesn’t have it in her to smile right now.

 

“You don’t have too. I’m taking him in now though. For the harassment and being drunk in public. Time he’s held accountable. My daddy was too easy on him.” Rick says this to her and only her although Daryl is right there listening too. Looking over her shoulder Rick nods at him.

 

“Don’t suppose I’ll need to question any of you. The witness’ gave me all I need. Y’all go home, watch some fireworks, relax.” Daryl nods and Merle, who’s made his way over thanks Rick and shakes his hand. 

 

Once the sheriff’s car drives away with her brother in the back Beth’s composure crumbles. She felt it slipping, tried to hang on to it but the elderly couple who were so kind and Carol coming up and standing there with her.

 

And Daryl.

 

She knows exactly what Daryl was thinking when her daddy said what he said.

 

_ You don’t think I can protect my daughter? _

 

And she knows that this man, who held his tongue, respected her father at that moment is doing more for her than anyone else has in a very long time. If it’s at all possible for a person to be a safe place, like a house with four walls and a roof, then Daryl’s just that.

 

He’s her home. 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I wanted her to press charges! I really did! But this is Beth. Seems like Rick understands her too and he did as much as he could because he knew how hard it was for her. Welcome to my story, Rick Grimes… promise me you’ll stay awhile!**
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> **I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know below! Thank you!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here we are, the aftermath.**

 

 ****Daryl doesn’t hesitate for a second, he puts his arms around Beth and holds onto her. They have an audience, the people at the outdoor tables have been watching since the whole ordeal started and a few even made their way outside when the Sheriff showed up.

 

And Merle, Carol, and the kids are here with them too.

 

He’s not thinking about his comfort right now, only hers. Because he saw her falling apart and it’s his job to catch her and hold her together. It’s his job to protect her.

 

“Show’s over folks.. go on an eat yer lunch,” Merle grumbles to the looky-loos closest to them. “I say it’s high time we split. All these eyeballs are making my skin itch something fierce!” Daryl completely agrees with Merle. He’s wanted to leave since the minute they got here.

 

“Hey, Beth?” She looks up at him and even though she’s upset, there’s something in her eyes. Something that tells Daryl she’s got this. It hurts like hell, but his girl is tough and she’s got this.

 

“I’m okay, I’m good Daryl. Let’s just go.” She even tries smiling. Tries because it isn’t really much of a smile and it’s probably mainly for show anyway. He’s gonna get her out of here where she doesn’t have to pretend and if she wants to cry she can cry.

 

“Shoulda kicked his ass uncle Daryl!”

 

“Beau Dixon!” Carol admonishes and Daryl looks down at his nephew all of four feet tall with a missing front tooth and can’t say he doesn’t agree. But problems aren’t easily solved with fists and if anything Daryl wants his nephews to know that.

 

“Can’t beat people up jus’ cause ya don’ like what they’re doing.” Not real bad anyway is what he’s thinking. Cause he did manage to get in it a couple hits.

 

“But what if he hurt her bad?” Beau is serious about this so Daryl is honest.

 

“I wouldn’ a let ‘em. I’da stopped him.” But how far would he have gone? How much would be too much? Daryl saw the bruise on her back the first time and they never talked about it and now this.  “I’da done whatever I had ta do.” It’s true. He would have and he still will. He and Beth have a few things they need to talk about. This time he won’t just let it go.

 

He feels Beth brush up against him as she kneels down in front of Beau. DJ’s quick to join his brother. His face pinched with worry that mirrors his brother’s anger. Daryl sees what she’s doing, smiling at them, easing their fears, making everything okay for them. It’s what she does.

 

“I’m okay Beau, your uncle did the right thing, and Sheriff Grimes handled the rest.” Both boys are hugging her and Sophia is there too, resting a hand on Beth’s shoulder and smiling down at her friend. That’s what they’ve been, her friends. When she needed them most.

 

“Alright, alright, les’ head home,” Merle says ruffling Beau’s hair.

 

“And have a little chat about your mouth mister,’ Carol says firmly.

 

“Awe! But I was mad mama!”

 

“Y’all comin’ fer fireworks ain’t ya?” Merle asks. Beth’s gonna have to call this one. It’s up to her. He will do whatever she wants.

 

“We got sparklers, Beth! We can write our names in the sky like last year!” Sophia smiles and the boys are smiling and maybe that’s what decides it, at least for Beth. Daryl realizes that she’s been a part of his family even when he was gone. She was there with them, eating dinners, playing games, lighting sparklers on the fourth of July. She’s been there all along and he was always gonna come back, he knows that now. They were always gonna meet. No matter what.

 

“I wanna do that too!” Beau hollers. So, of course, that’s what they’re doing.

 

After waving them off Daryl takes Beth’s hand and leads her away from Main Street and all the people and down a side street. It’s a detour so she doesn’t have to paste a fake smile across her face and act like nothing bothers her.

 

She seems to realize what he’s doing and she gives his hand a little squeeze and lets their arms swing between them as they walk. Neither of them says anything. They don’t have too, at least not yet.

 

There are laughter and the smell of food but it’s muted by the buildings and the distance between them and the carnival. Leaving it all behind hasn’t really made Daryl feel any better. Because they aren’t actually leaving it all behind. He isn’t even sure they’ve left anything. Which is why he’s going to say what he needs to say before he gets on the bike. He’s gonna say it and she can do what she wants with it although he hopes, and hope is a very basic word for how Daryl feels and what he wants Beth to do, but he does hope that she’ll do what he’s gonna ask.

 

The detour looped around and brought them back up closer to Main Street, but with everything going on there’s still no one else on the side road where the bike is parked. He’s reaching for her helmet when she reaches for him, winds her arms around his middle and lays her head on his chest.

 

“Thank you for being there for me Daryl.” It’s hot and humid and it smells like cotton candy and charred meat and he knows that what he’s going to say next might have her thinking twice about thanking him.

 

“I don’t want ya going back to the farm.” Maybe he’s overstepping his boundaries and has no business telling her what to do. But he has to let her know what he’s feeling because he can’t just keep it all bottled up inside.

 

“Daryl I-”

 

“Ya don’t have ta stay at my place, I mean ya can but there’s the spare room at the house an maybe ya look into that loft if that’s something ya want… I jus’, I can’t think 'bout him coming there and…” He isn’t sure what to do with his hands because she’s backed away from him and he was holding her but now he’s not.

 

“Maybe he won’t.. maybe... I can’t just runaway Daryl. I can’t let him make me afraid to be in my own house.” The conviction isn’t there though.

 

“But ya are.”

 

“I would never have believed I’d be afraid of my brother, that he’d hurt me,” she whispers. He wants to reach for her, pull her back, wrap her up, make it all go away. Watching the person he loves most in the world hurt like she’s hurting is worse than his own pain.

 

“Ain’t yer brother, ‘s the alcohol.” And the anger and the loss of control and the loneliness of being left, it’s a lot of things and Daryl can even relate to it. But he’d die before he ever hurt the ones he loves intentionally.

 

 _And DJ, you didn’t hurt him, wasn’t yer fault._ A little voice, it might be his own. But it feels more like her.

 

Everything is all twisted up inside of him and if she’d just let him do this one thing, just this for now.

 

“Daryl, I won’t go back. Not yet. But I have to figure it out, with my daddy and Amy and… I’m scared, you’re right and I don’t want to be. But I am and you’re the only place that I feel safe.”

 

He should be feeling elated right now because this is a start. She said she’s not going back yet and maybe yet will turn into not at all. But he’s having a hard time keeping his anger in check. Having Beth close to him is the only thing that’s keeping him sane. What he said to Beau, about not beating people up, he meant it. For Beau.

 

But him. He wants to hurt them all, every single person who ever hurt her, whoever had her second-guessing herself or crying herself to sleep or hiding out in a barn. Anyone who laid a hand on her with the intention to overpower her or break her or hold her back. It’s rolling around in his gut like a sickness and the only way to get rid of it is it to give it to someone else. WIth his fists.

 

That would be bad, it would be horrible and it might ruin everything he has right here in his arms. She came back and he can feel it, she's holding on tighter and this ties up everything inside of him in knots. She’s in his heart, living there and he can’t lose this, can’t lose her.

 

TIme. He’ll give it time.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

She held onto him the entire ride home, even though the humidity and his leather vest and just the fact that he is like a furnace, giving off heat like he’s got a fire burning inside of him turned her pale purple shirt into a sweaty mess. She held on tight because it could slip away, all of it. Him and her and the life that she’s slowly taking control of. She remembers how she used to tell herself not to get to close to the Dixon’s, even though they gave her so much just by being her friends, that it could change and they weren't hers to love. Not really, not completely. She couldn’t replace her family with them.

 

But here she is all these years later and the Dixon’s have become like family to her. Somewhere along the way she forgot about her resolve not to let them get too close and it just happened. And it didn’t fall apart and they didn’t leave.

 

She’s being ridiculous thinking like this, about this right now when her brother is probably sitting in the drunk tank at the Sheriff's Department. There are so many conflicting emotions that she doesn’t even know how to feel or what to think about this. So she won’t.

 

She’ll think about Daryl and how despite all the hurt her heart is holding he still takes up the most space in it and the thought of going back to the farm feels too much like leaving.

Stay. That’s the word on repeat in her head. Stay.

 

_Please don’t ever leave._

 

Once they’re back she avoids climbing the stairs to his apartment. If she goes up there she might not come back down. And for now, she’s good. She can do this. Eat veggies and dip, chips and sugar cookies decorated with sprinkle stars. Hold Daryl’s hand as they walk out to the pond with blankets to sit on and bottles of cold water to drink. DJ and Beau are carrying 5-gallon buckets, _‘Gotta bring ‘em, just in case.’_ Merle had said and the expression on Daryl’s face as he listened to his brother gave her a glimpse into a window looking back on the past, she can imagine a younger Daryl looking at his big brother just like that. It’s disbelief and awe and it probably didn’t happen often, but now, the Dixon brothers are both different men. They’ll light fireworks and sparklers and for a little while, it will be like everything is right with the world.

 

And it is. For a little while. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and when she pulls it out it’s Maggie’s name on the screen. She’s been waiting to hear something from someone, assumed it would be Maggie. But is it wrong that a small part of her hoped her daddy would call? That he’d want to check on her, that he’d be so angry at Shawn? Glancing over at Daryl she holds the phone so he can see who's calling and then she gets up, walks a little ways away from everyone, back into the trees.

 

“Maggie?”

 

“Oh my god Beth! I’ve been trying to call! I was worried, Shawn called and, what the hell happened? Did he hurt you? Are you okay? Where are you?” It’s like a hug from her big sister coming right through the speaker of her phone. Maggie’s concern may have been there all along and Beth just chose not to see it, either way, it feels so good now, when she needs it the most.

 

She lets Maggie know she’s okay, that she’s with Daryl and then she tells her what happened at Best Burger and in the retelling, it just doesn’t seem so horrible. It was, is, but it only takes her a handful of seconds to give it all to Maggie and when it was actually happening it felt like hours.

 

“He needs help Beth and we can’t give it to him, we can’t live like this either. Stay with Daryl okay? Just for now.” So even Maggie is afraid. Beth feels a lump in her throat and she nods against the phone.

 

“Is, is Amy upset that he got taken in?” She feels Daryl come up behind her. Feels because she didn’t hear him. The air stirs around when he does that, catches her off guard, but she never hears him.

 

Maggie assures her that Amy is not mad at her. She also lets her know that her daddy is upset and the first thing he asked was, _‘is Daryl with her?’_.  Maggie had spoken to Rick and he told her that Beth was with Daryl.

 

“He seemed to feel better once he knew that Beth.” Somehow that means very little to her right now. She finds out that Maggie and Glenn took Hershel into town to see fireworks with Amy and the girls so there’s no one at the farm. She ends the call and turns to face Daryl who is standing behind her.

 

“Everythin’ okay?” he asks.

 

“I don’t know, I guess. Maggie’s in town with my daddy. They’re watching fireworks with Amy and the girls.”

 

“They hear about Shawn?” Daryl asks.

 

“Yeah, Rick called Maggie. He’s been a family friend for years. He knows, well he knows everything.” Beth laughs softly. Rick knows the Greene family history. His own daddy was Sheriff when he was growing up and Hershel was friends with him.

 

“Yeah, knows a lot about my family too. Went to school with him. He also took Merle in a time or two back in the day. Guys like us are supposed ta hate cops, thing is I always respected him. Wasn’ a dick like some of ‘em can be.”

 

“Guys like you? Your circumstances don't make you a horrible person Daryl. Your choices do and aren’t we all guilty of making bad choices on occasion?” It hurts her when he’s down on himself or makes light of his past in a way that’s deeming. You don’t get to decide what you’re born into. “You’re a good man Daryl.” She sees the change on his face when she says it like there’s a little bit of physical pain involved in hearing it. She won’t stop though, won’t even go easy. Because he is a good man. The very best as far as she’s concerned.

 

“Do you think we could go to the farm? I need to get a few things.” Going now while her daddy and Maggie are gone will be easiest. Because honestly she’s tired of the talks and working through things and even though she knows they need to do it, tonight she’s done. Her daddy didn’t even ask to talk to her, to hear her voice, to make sure...

 

She could be done forever if she wanted. She could do that. But she won’t give up on them.

 

“Yeah, we can do that.” His face softens and it seems like he wants to say more but he doesn’t. What he does do is reach for her and pull her close and kiss the crown of her head before walking back to the pond.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They take the bike and he’s glad they did because it seems to make her happy and she does what she did earlier, she lets go of him, spreads her arms out wide like she’s flying. He wraps one hand around her thigh and lets her be. Watching her in the rearview mirror he wishes she could take off the helmet and let her hair fly. He imagines it would beautiful.

 

The big house is dark, Beth said her dad was in town with Maggie and he figures this is why she wanted to come over here when she did. He understands that. He just hopes none of what she’s feeling is guilt. Parking right up by the front steps he lets Beth climb off first and takes her helmet.

 

“I’ll drive my car back, that way I don’t have to bother you for rides.” She heads up the steps and he follows not feeling a bit bad for letting his eyes admire her tight cut offs, cause she’s his. And she can bring her car although he’d drive her anywhere she needs to be. He’d rearrange his schedule if he has too. She knows that so he lets the comment lie.

 

The door is unlocked and that’s not surprising. But it’s just another thing that makes him uneasy. Not that locked doors are gonna keep Shawn out, he probably has a key. And this is his fucking house, his family.

 

She switches on the porch light and her boots make a hollow sound that echoes through the empty house as she climbs the stairs. He follows and realizes he’s never been up here. Actually, he’s only seen the hallway and the kitchen. And it’s weird because this is her world, a huge part of it anyway.

 

She's rummaging around in her closet when he walks in. So he takes a minute to look around. The room is ageless. Maybe it kind of looks like a teenage girl's bedroom. He wouldn't know because he hasn’t been in any young girls bedrooms except Sophia and they’re nothing alike. But it looks like Beth too, the soft pillows piled up on her bed, pictures of her family, her horse, and books. She loves books, he knows that. There’s a guitar in the corner and he wonders if she plays and how well and if she’s ever gonna play for him.

 

Dumping an armful of clothes on her bed she looks at him.

 

“It’s kinda- I don’t know childish, I guess. I just never wanted to change it. I felt safe here once.”

 

“Ain’t nothing wrong with it, ‘s you,” he says. He doesn’t miss her comment about feeling safe. Once. But not anymore.

 

“I did get rid of the mermaid bedding,” she laughs but it sounds kind of bitter like there’s more attached to that memory than she’s sharing.

 

“Don’t gotta change nothin’ if ya don’ wanna Beth.” She’s found a duffle bag and is sorting through the things on her bed, stuffing some in the bag and tossing the others back in the closet. He takes a closer look at the pictures taped to her mirror. Her and Maggie when they’re little. She’s a tiny blonde thing all curls and big blue eyes. Another of her mama and her. Daryl sees the resemblance, he also sees the love. They’ve got their arms around one another and both of them are wearing big smiles but Beth isn’t looking at the camera. She’s looking over at her mama.

 

His early memories are vague or maybe it’s just hard to remember the good when there was so little of it. What he remembers about his mama is that she was gentle and kind and when she wasn’t drinking to numb the pain that made up her life, she did love Daryl.

 

Not enough though. Cause she left and he was alone.

 

“Do you remember your mama Daryl?” She snuck up on him. Reaching out she takes the picture from the mirror and looks at it.

 

“Some, not a lot.” If there are pictures of her he’s never seen them. When she died it was like she never existed unless his daddy was cursing her, blaming her for what a piece of shit Daryl was.

 

“It feels like I’ve forgotten so much. Right after she died I used to make myself remember certain things every day, just little things, like how her favorite perfume smelled and the songs she hummed and she was always happy and smiling. I can’t see it anymore, her smile. ‘Cept in pictures.”

 

He doesn’t have any idea what to say. He knows what she means. Kind of. But it wasn’t like with her. She had a mama, a happy family, a beautiful life. All he had was ugliness. The weight of her loss seems so much more significant.

 

“Ya look an awful lot like her. Seems like ya take after her in a lotta ways too. I mean from what ya told me...” He puts an arm around her. He can do that. He can show her with his actions the things he has a hard time saying.

 

“Yeah, maybe…” Pulling away he watches her stuff the photo into the bag with her clothes. She has a box on the floor next to her with some books and other things and when he looks down at it then back up at her she’s blushing.

 

“Got it all?”

 

“Yeah, I uh, it’s just a few things. I’m not trying to move in or-” Looking down at her feet she takes a deep breath.

 

“Stop, bring whatever ya want Beth.” He leans down and reaches for the box while she zips up the bag. Before they leave he looks back at the guitar. “Ya play that?”

 

Oh.. yeah I do. It’s been awhile, but-” She looks embarrassed but there’s a longing in her eyes as she looks over at the guitar.

 

“Bring it. Maybe ya might wanna pick it up again.” He leaves the room, waits for her by the front door so she can decide if that’s what she wants to do. And he’s pleased as he watches her come down the stairs with the guitar in her hand.

 

Her car’s parked by the barn and he follows her over to it. Sunset has left the sky streaked with color. The boom and thud of an occasional firework are all around them. In fact, Merle’s probably still down by the pond lighting his off. He hears a faint whiny and wonders if fireworks spook horses.

 

“I’m gonna check on Nellie, she doesn’t like fireworks.” There’s his answer.

 

She’s hanging a bucket on a hook inside the stall where the horse is nosing at some hay. A little trough attached to the wall is full of water. She smiles at Daryl as she reaches out and rubs her hand along the horse's neck. He’s content to stay on the outside and watch her. She knows that, remembers his reaction when she rode up to the house on Nellie the first time.

 

She latches the stall behind her and when she looks at him he points to the ladder, the loft.

 

“That where ya went when ya needed ta get away?” He can’t see much, just the ladder and the straw hanging over the edge.

 

“That’s where I hid, yeah. Come on.”

 

They climb up into the loft and without knowing what to expect because he’s never been in the loft of a barn before, he likes it. She’s lit a lantern and it’s sitting on a wooden box in a corner. The soft light flickers gently and it smells like hay and horses and dust. Through a small open door, he can see the sky and he thinks maybe being here and looking at the sunset he’s seeing now made her feel things she couldn’t down there with her family. Maybe things she needed to feel.

 

She sinks down onto a bale of hay by the door and he watches her looking out over the farm.

 

“I like it up here,” he says softly. Because he does. The smile she gives him makes it impossible not to go to her and settle in the hay beside her and tug on her hand until she’s giggling and falling into his lap. Nuzzling her hair, he presses a kiss to her cheek.

 

“I like you up here, never brought a guy up here before.” She’s being coy, teasing him. Intending to one-up her, he pulls her hair away from her neck a lets his lips tease right back.

 

“No?” he breathes against her neck and she shivers in his lap.

 

“This place means something to me,” she’s breathless and he’s the reason and he likes that. A lot. “Never wanted to share it with anyone, until you… god, Daryl, that feels too good…” He’s working his lips and teeth over a taut tendon and she’s squirming to get closer. All the squirming she’s doing is making him hard and it’s gonna make leaving here even harder.

 

“Maybe we better get outta here, while we can,” he says huskily. She’s found his earlobe with her soft lips and she whispers against it.

 

“What if we don’t have to. At least not yet.” The tactile sensation is overpowering his ability to hear what she said. Or at the very least comprehend it.

 

“Hmmm…” he mumbles sliding his hands up underneath that pale purple blouse she has on.

 

“Daryl, did you hear me?” Giggling she untangles herself from his arms and pushes away from him leaving him confused.

 

“Beth whada ya…” She’s pulling her shirt over her head and the light from the lantern behind her outlines her body in a soft glow. Her nipples are hard, he sees that when she turns just a little and the light flickers over her skin. Her hand’s on the button of her shorts when he comes to his senses scrambles to his feet.

 

“I got a text, earlier. They’re not, no one’s coming back tonight.”

 

“ ‘S jus’ you an me?” She’s nodding. He gets up slowly hoping she stays right where she is so he can do what he wants to. Taking a step towards her he reaches up and works the hair band out of her braid. With one finger he unweaves it letting it fall over her shoulder.

 

“I’ve never made love in a loft…” she whispers. Made love. He’s never done that. Until her.

 

Turning his face into her palm he kisses it and with his eyes locked on hers he tugs his shirt over his head and spreads it out on the straw. A place for her to lay. Unlacing his boots he kicks those off too and stands again in front of her. She slips out of her boots and her hand is on her shorts again. But he shakes his head and hooks a finger through her belt loop, pulls her close and unbuttons her shorts. She’s quick to reach over and do the same with his jeans.

 

She's there waiting when he finally gets his feet untangled from his jeans. Sliding her arms around his neck and pressing her body flush with his, the only thing between them is his cock and it’s so hard it hurts a little as she moves against him.

 

“Daryl…” Running his thumbs along the line of her collarbone he raises his eyes to hers. “I love you so much.” Oh how easily she can break him with her words. He leads her to his shirt. Laying back on it she watches and waits. His jeans and his leather wallet, he finds it. Rips the package open and moves to kneel between her legs. The blue in her eyes is almost swallowed in black and her watching makes him harder, his cock jerks in his hand at his touch and her gaze.

 

He doesn’t want to wait, doesn’t think she does either. Foreplay isn’t really necessary because it’s been there all along, just under the surface in the looks and the words and that invisible current that runs between them and through them whenever they’re in close proximity to one another.

 

But just to be sure.

 

Easing her legs apart he lowers himself down between them, runs his hand over her hip and inner thigh before cupping her and squeezing gently making her moan. He slides a finger between her pussy lips and she’s wet as wet as if he’s already had a hand there or his mouth. She’s wet and hot and he wants to be buried there, inside of her. Raising his fingers glistening with her slick to his lips he licks them. She reaches for him, fingertips barely brushing his cock.

 

“Daryl, please... just..” she’s whimpering. It’s beautiful how much she wants him, how she doesn’t hold back.

 

“Please what?” He can draw it out a little longer. The before…

 

“I need you in me, I want you to fuck me.” There it is. That thing he was hoping she’d say. Dirty words from the mouth of a pretty girl, his girl, telling him what she wants him to do to her.

 

“Yeah?” Getting ahold of his cock he nudges the head just inside, rubs it up and down her slit. “I wanna fuck you,” he growls and she arches her back to meet him as he sinks inside of her, a shiver races up his spine as he almost pulls out of her. But not quite. He snaps his hip, thrusts back into her and she exhales his name. Does she know what that does to him?

 

Finding a rhythm, her legs wrapped around him he looks down at her. Outside the sky’s lit up by fireworks, soft purples, and reds that flash on the walls of the loft and across their bodies, bathing her in a different kind of light. Making her look ethereal. Leaning down he circles a nipple with his tongue, sucks it into his mouth greedily and bites down gently and is rewarded with gasp. Smiling against her breast he moves to her face, little kisses at the corners of her mouth, on her chin, her nose. She’s got her fingers in his hair tugging him closer, bringing his mouth to hers she kisses him hard, take his breath away.

 

“Beth…” Circling his hips he feels it when her hand slides between them and down. She’s getting close, gonna help herself over the edge. He wants to watch. Pushing himself up enough to see between their bodies he groans as she passes up her clit and wraps her hand around the base of his cock. With a small flex of her wrist, she pumps him there, small movements that draw his balls tight to his body. It feels amazing and he doesn’t want it to stop but he’s too close now to turn back. She must have seen the look on his face.

 

“You first Daryl… watching you, it’s gonna…” Shuddering she squeezes just right and he’s gone, bucking against her. But before the tremors of his climax settle he moves down her body and lets his mouth finish her. Her thighs clamped to his head, her hand fisted in his hair as is tongue dances over her swollen clit until she can’t stand it anymore and she pushes his head away as she comes apart beneath him.

 

He’s quick to move back up beside her, pull her into his arms and hold her as she rides the waves of what he did to her, her chest heaving. His body feels soft wrapped around hers, soft enough for her to curl up against him and fit perfectly- a puzzle.

 

“I never thought I could ever love somebody so much… again,” she murmurs against his neck where she’s tucked her face. Chuckling he runs a finger down her spine, making her shiver.

 

“Don’ know why exactly…” he breathes draping a leg over hers, wrapping her up in all of him.

 

“Stop…” Her finger brushes his lips. He sucks it into his mouth and feels the response in his cock.

 

“Deserve everything girl…”

 

“I have it. Right here. The sun and the moon…” Her mama gave her this gift, this promise and if he can make good on it he damn well will. But in his heart she’s always gonna be his sun, shining a light on him that makes everything else pale in comparison.

 

“Alright... I’ll be whatever ya want me to.” Anything. For her.

 

It’s dark now and the fireworks are fewer and further between. The kerosene in the lantern is burning low. They should probably really go this time. Straw is poking him, sticking to his sweaty body and it’s itchy and all he can think about is a shower, with her. Shifting a little so he can look down at her her face looks contemplative.

 

“Ya okay?” She nods, smiling and stretches in his arms like a cat after a nap. Rolling away from him she kneels in the straw and that look that he can’t decipher is still there. “Beth?”

 

“I don’t, I was just thinking… my daddy- he was with Maggie and he didn’t even ask to talk to me, to make sure, it’s stupid I know-” It’s not stupid. Not at all and it hurts his heart.

 

“ ‘S not. He shoulda.” He wants to hold her but he gives her a minute because she isn’t done working through it. That he’s sure of.

 

“Wanna go home? This straw is itching like crazy!” Whether or not she’s changing the subject matters very little to him. As long as she’s okay and she knows he’s here for whatever she needs that’s all that matters to him.

 

And she called his place home. Isn’t the first time, but it is the first time he realizes he’s never heard her call the farm that.

 

Home.

 

It’s also the first time he realizes that he feels like he’s home.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sex in barn loft without a blanket! I suppose when the mood strikes you just go with it! Thank you for reading… I hope you enjoyed!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Some questions get answered and new ones pop up. But isn’t that the way we keep a story moving forward? Thanks again for reading! And saying nice things... Link in the end notes to a missing scene! Check it out!**

 

 

Leaving the loft is a letdown. While they were up there nothing could touch them. Everything went away and it was him and her in their own little world.

 

They can’t stay there forever though.

 

Watching her headlights in his little rearview mirror, Daryl does his best to shake off the heavy mood winding its way up his spine, itching more than the straw and the dust from the loft. She’s coming home with him. That’s what he wanted. 

 

Everything else is inconsequential and out of his control. He can’t make her daddy call her just to hear her voice, he can’t wake her brother the fuck up, he can’t follow her around all day everyday smacking the shit out of anyone who looks at her in a certain way, a way that makes her droop like a daisy that needs more water and sunshine…

 

But he can love her. 

 

That’s enough for Beth, it’s everything to her. Him loving her. He can see it in the way she looks at him and how sometimes those looks, her gaze, it hurts. Rips him up inside. He isn’t that good, he really isn’t. But she thinks he is and he has a feeling if he tried to deny it, tried to change her mind she’d put up a fight that he would never in a million years win. 

 

She thinks he’s good enough. So he has to be better. Somehow he has to be better.

 

The moonlight coming in the bedroom window casts enough light that he can see her beside him, lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling. Thinking maybe. Wondering why he’s so quiet and kind of off. He knows she is, she keeps looking at him in that funny way she has when she’s trying to figure something out.

 

She hasn’t said anything to him, hasn’t asked if something's wrong. Not yet anyway. Maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll let it go for now. Because he honestly doesn’t even know how to name what he’s feeling.

 

“Daryl?” Here it is. 

 

“Mmmhmm?” He slides his hand between them, finds hers because he might be in a mood but he isn’t gonna be a dick. Not to her.

 

“I’m not pregnant.” Oh. And then he hears a shudder and a sigh and.. fuck is she crying? Rolling over he looks down at her face and yep there are tears there.

 

“Beth? I thought... “ She’s crying. Why is she crying? Did he miss something? It hurts so fucking much to see her sad and this is part of why he’s feeling out of sorts. 

 

“I know, I know. It’s ridiculous, I mean, I’m not ready for a baby, we’re not.. and I don’t want one, I didn’t want to be pregnant.” She’s wiping her face with her hands and he sits up and pulls his shirt off and holds it out to her. The look she gives him is kind of comical, like what the hell is this? Taking it back he wipes her face and then she’s laughing and crying.

 

Once she composes herself she starts folding up the shirt, covering the wet spots and working something out. For her.

 

“I get like this sometimes, emotional, when it’s my time of the month, you know?” He starts to nod, agree with her but he doesn't know. Has no fucking clue. Females are a mystery, but he wants to know. He wants to know her.

 

“ ‘S that where all them dumb jokes come from? Girl being on the rag or whatever?” he mumbles unsure if he’s even going in the right direction. He never understood those jokes. They were kind of demeaning and always made him uncomfortable.

 

“Maybe. I don’t know. Sometimes I wanna cry, sometimes I want to eat, most of the time I don’t know what I want,” she says softly.

 

“Know what ya might want now?” he asks genuinely curious. Her response isn’t what he was expecting. Not at all.

 

“You.” Him? But… she’s in one of his t-shirts, her hair still damp from the shower. The one she took alone because Merle ended up lighting some grass on fire with his fireworks and although it turned out alright he needed Daryl’s help disconnecting a hose from the pump and even though he’d wanted to shower with her, very much, he didn’t blame her for wanting to wash away the straw and the dust.

 

“Well, I uh, I don’t know how…” Suddenly she’s shaking her head and blushing like a ripe tomato.

 

“Not for.. not sex, I don’t…” Covering her face with her hands and still shaking her head she whispers between her fingers, “I didn’t mean that Daryl.”

 

“Alright.” He feels the heat on his own face but something about all of this is kind of endearing. They can have this conversation, they can talk about it. He could probably ask her anything and she’d give him an answer if she could.

 

“I’ve never done that. Have you?” Okay so maybe that question is one he wouldn’t have asked her. But he’d be lying if he said he wasn't curious.

 

“Uh-uh.” There’s really no eloquent way to respond.

 

“It’s supposed to help when you have bad cramps… at least that’s what I’ve heard anyway, but..” The silence is awkward. Once again he’s completely out of his element. 

 

There’s one thing he can do if she doesn’t want to try… he would. It’s Beth. Her body is amazing and everything it does intrigues him. 

 

“I’ll be right back.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth can feel her heart pounding in her chest. She’s done it, pushed him too far. Everything that’s been going on with Shawn and her father. He’s probably sick and tired of her whining and crying and maybe he’s decided protecting her is just too much of a hassle. He’s been kind of quiet. It doesn’t feel like his usual quiet which never feels wrong like it has since they left the farm. 

 

And then this. Talking about her period? Why didn’t she just shut up and let him fall asleep? Her tears only confused him and then diarrhea of the mouth struck and she went into detail, detail! Men don’t want to know about this particular bodily function, hence the jokes.

 

But he’d been so worried about a possible pregnancy. Worried but he also seemed like maybe it could be something, someday. And now someday might never come because she’s horrible at knowing when to stop. Sitting up and pulling the t-shirt over her knees she lets the tears fall. May as well. She’s already proved she’s a mess.

 

Daryl comes in through the open door and lights a couple of the candles on the table before he gets on the bed. When he turns to her he’s holding something in his hands and even though her vision is blurry from her tears she knows what it is.

 

It’s a Hershey bar with almonds. And it’s too much because a minute ago he was done with her. Well in her head he was and now he’s holding this in his hands and he’s giving it to her.

 

“Daryl…” she whispers and she sees his brow furrow and he scoots closer and puts a hand on her cheek gently tilting her head, making her look at him. His face softens and his eyes, there’s still a storm going on in them but he’s got them locked on her.

 

“Girl why ya still crying?”

 

“You left after I said.. too much I know I said too much and I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear that. And I cry a lot and I’m sad and my family is a mess and you got dragged into it all and I don’t blame you if… but you brought me this.” Picking up the candy bar and holding it in her hands. “It’s my favorite.”

 

“Uh huh, I know. I heard sometimes girls like chocolate when they’re… they’re… maybe that’s bullshit too, like them dumb jokes.” She tears the wrapper away and breaks off a piece of the chocolate.

 

“Well it’s true for me, but I like Hershey bars with almonds just about anytime.”

 

“Weren’t kidding when ya said ya get emotional huh?” He looks so concerned. And he brought her chocolate. Swallowing the little lump of sweetness she tries to smile.

 

“It’s not usually this bad, I thought... “

 

“Wrong. Ya thought wrong. I never wanted ta walk away from any of it.” He could have. Right from the start. But he didn’t. 

 

“Sure you don’t want to make a run for it? This happens once a month.” 

 

“Ya always gonna be so, so..”

 

“Emotional?”

 

“Yeah, that.” Breaking off another piece of chocolate she lets it melt in her mouth a little before she answers.

 

“Not always.” 

 

“Okay. Well even if ya are, I ain’t going nowhere.” Biting her lip she looks up at him, he’s serious. There’s hardly ever any grey area with Daryl. He means what he says. And he never says too much. 

 

“Thank-” he presses a finger to her lips and she remembers.  _ ‘Don’t even think of thankin’ me.’ _ Sometimes she can sneak one in every once in a while, but kissing him instead, that’s fine with her too, she just wants him to know that she appreciates him, everything he’s done and doing.

 

“And if ya need, if ya wanted me and you, us too, you know.. ain’t gonna turn me off. ‘Sides if it makes ya feel good probably gonna be good for me too.” Maybe he doesn’t know how to stop either. He keeps saying and doing the very things that make her feel like she can’t keep everything she’s feeling inside. She nods, brushing at the tears until he hands her his t-shirt again.

 

Leaning over she kisses him softly.

 

“You’re so good to me Daryl.” He shrugs his shoulders and she sees the blush on his cheeks. “Maybe… we could try it, see, but do you have another candy bar?” 

 

He’s chuckling as he rolls her over and buries his face in her neck and the mood she felt earlier has lifted. She’s beginning to realize when things are complicated everywhere else the only place that makes any sense is him. Like in the loft, they were wrapped up in each other and for a little while they had peace. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Waking up with Beth will always be better than waking up alone. Rolling over he kisses her shoulder letting his lips trail down the soft expanse of her naked back. At some point during the night, she took off his t-shirt and now she’s topless. Leaning back he rests a hand on her hip unsure if he can touch her or…

 

“ ‘S okay?” He’ll learn this too. This part of her and he’ll know what to do but for now, he’s going to ask.

 

“God Daryl, don’t stop….” she’s breathless almost like she is when he gets her worked up with his hand or his tongue, pushes her right to the edge of falling apart.

 

“ ‘S alright if I…” Trailing a finger along her side. He’s still uncertain, wants to be sure it’s okay.

 

“Yeah… maybe not, um, any lower… just don’t stop kissing me like that. It feels so good.”

 

So he doesn’t stop. He kisses her, tickles her with his scruff until she’s giggling and rolling over in his arms.

 

“Good morning,” she whispers brushing back his hair from his eyes and running a finger along his bottom lip.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Beth’s in his bed. It’s better than good. 

  
  


They eventually got out of bed. And then when Beth’s attempt at making breakfast was thwarted by the fact that his fridge was half empty and half expired, they got dressed and ran a few errands that both of them needed to do.

 

But going out may not have been the best idea. It certainly doesn’t do anything for his mood. They stop in at the coffee shop, which isn’t like any coffee shop he’s ever been in. It’s new and he never realized there could be so many different types of coffee. When he tells the woman behind the counter he wants a coffee she rattles off a bunch of things that may as well be a foreign language as far as he’s concerned. But Beth steps in and the coffee she gets for him is hot and black and perfect. 

 

Grabbing the bag of bagels she bought she takes his hand.

 

“Come on, I don't want to sit in here,” she says leading out him the door. He looks over his shoulder at the other customers. Just a bunch of older people, no one was looking at them funny, but he can feel her discomfort. Climbing in the truck he pulls out the cup holder watching her while he does. She’s pulling out their bagels and little packets of cream cheese.

 

“It’s prolly cooler in there, how come ya didn’ wanna stay?” he asks trying to be nonchalant.

 

“I like it best when it’s just me and you.” She spares him a quick glance coupled with a tight smile and she’s not lying about liking it when it’s just them, he likes that too. It’s something else though.

 

“Bullshit, that ain’t it.” She sets the plastic knife on the napkin and looks at him.

 

“The girl who helped us, I went to school with her. She dated Jimmy after… everything.”

 

“She say somethin’?” Is she did Daryl didn’t see it, he was right there the whole time. Shaking her head Beth picks up the knife again.

 

“No, she was fine, she didn’t… but she knows and I just felt- stupid.” Her confession shouldn’t make him feel the way it does but maybe it’s the same for her when he gets down on himself and she refuses to hear it. Protecting each other. That’s what they’re doing.

 

“Ya ain’t stupid. Who the hell cares what she thinks!” But he knows it doesn’t feel good to have people thinking things that aren’t true. He can shake it off, mostly. Beth tries. That’s what she was doing by leaving. She shouldn’t have to leave. 

 

“I know… it’s just easier this way.” There’s a finality in her words so Daryl lets it lie. He can’t change it. Can’t make her feel differently about it. But like he realized earlier, he can love her, love her enough to make everything else irrelevant.

 

“Let’s get some a these for home,” Daryl says licking cream cheese off of his finger. Beth’s smiles and leans over and wipes the corner of his mouth with her thumb. 

 

“Okay, Daryl.” There’s so much more than what those two small words imply. There’s so much more to all of this. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Walmart is the last place either of them want to be. Him in particular. He groaned when she mentioned it. But they decided on it because of the bagels. Daryl wants to buy bagels and when she mentioned a toaster and then explained the difference between microwaving and toasting bagels, he was on board. Confused but on board. So they’re buying a toaster.

 

“Did you have appliances or anything in your place in Nashville?” It’s amusing watching Daryl interact with the world. He relies on the basics which she loves but she also kind of figures he doesn’t let himself splurge on the little things, like a toaster.

 

“Nah, mainly crashed in shitty motels. Ate a lotta take out.” They’re navigating the semi-crowded store with a half-full cart. 

 

“That sounds lonely.” All of sudden she wonders what would have happened if they hadn’t met if Merle hadn’t gotten sick and Daryl hadn’t come back.

 

“Didn’ know it was, til I came back.” He rests a hand on the small of her back as she pushes the cart and it’s reassuring and overwhelming at the same time.

 

“What if Merle hadn’t got sick, what if-” she voices the thing that at any other time wouldn’t make her such an emotional wreck. But right now it doesn’t take much.

 

“I was always coming back. Already was planning on it then Carol called.” He’s looking at her like he knows what she’s thinking like maybe he thought about it too.

 

“We were always going to meet…” She says it more to herself than him, but he stops her with a hand around her waist and a serious look on his face.

 

“Where’s the chocolate bars? I’m thinking we should get a big box.” He’s teasing her and she loves him for it. Sliding her arms around his neck she pushes up on her toes and whispers against his ear,

 

“Or we could try having sex.” The way his arms tighten around her and his warm breath on her neck as he pulls her close for a second is her answer.

 

“Les’ do both, cover all our bases.” 

  
  


They’re on their way out of the store when the real world decides to intrude again. 

 

“Auntie Beth!!” Abbi’s running in their direction a huge smile on her face. Amy’s behind her with Claire in a cart. Abbi stops in front of Daryl and Beth almost laughs out loud at the way the tiny girl looks up at him. She slips her hand into his completely at ease. Daryl, on the other hand, looks a little scared.

 

“Um, 'scuse me, what’s your name again?” Daryl clears his throat and looks down at her.

 

“Daryl.”

 

“Uncle Daryl? Cause aunt Maggie has a Glenn and she says we can call him uncle.” Beth can’t help it, she laughs as she kneels beside Abbi hugging the little girl.

 

“Uh, sure?” Daryl says and he’s so cute standing there completely at a loss looking back and forth between her and Abbi. Amy comes up behind them and before Beth can even say anything she's come over and pulled her into a hug.

 

“I’m sorry Beth, so sorry. You’re okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m- are you? Okay?” Amy nods and looks over at Abbi who is very animatedly telling Daryl something about fireworks.

 

“I’m, this is a start. Things are going to change, he can’t… I’ll leave otherwise.” Amy walks back to the cart and Claire. Fingering a curl on the little girl’s cheek she speaks a little softer. “They don’t know, I mean Abbi anyway. She thinks he’s working.”

 

“Amy does he, does he hurt you?” Glancing over at Daryl he must see the look in her eyes because he points to a row of gumball machines and digs in his pocket while Abbi bounces on her toes. He’s distracting the little girl for which Beth is grateful because she needs to ask this question. She needs to know.

 

“He’s physical, yeah. Not violent, but I’ve been afraid…” Beth was already feeling a wave of emotions; betrayal, anger but mostly just sadness and then she looked at Amy and saw it all in her eyes too.

 

“The girls?” This is probably the worst part because asking this question is kind of an accusation. A mother is supposed to protect her children. But so are fathers and hers has fallen short.

 

“No, no. But if he can hurt me, you, he could… I won’t stand for it. I’m done with it.”

 

“I’m sorry if I-”

 

“Don’t be. Maggie already asked, your dad, you guys are my family too. In fact, you’re kind of all I have,” Amy says.

 

“What happens when he comes home?” Amy looks a little uncomfortable with this question but she answers anyway.

 

“I think he’s going home. To the farm, I mean. He’s got to get help or he’s going to lose everything. His job, our house, me and the girls. Hershel is gonna talk to him… I guess. Maybe they haven’t talked to you yet?” Beth shakes her head. No, they haven’t. Good thing she left on her own. Was anyone going to tell her, ask her if she was okay with it? Maybe it was decided after she told Maggie she was going with Daryl. 

 

It’s like before. She’s just there and sometimes it feels like they forget that.

 

“Look mama! I got a tattoo! It’s a dragon! Can I put it on? Just takes water. Uncle Daryl said. Can I?” Daryl comes up beside Beth and when he looks at her he knows that something is going on.

 

“Ya ready?” He is. Now. It’s written all over his face. Nodding she glances at Amy.

 

“Call me okay?” 

 

“He’s out Wednesday. Then there’s an arraignment. One of the stipulations is a program. I’m so sorry no one said anything.” Amy stands there holding onto Abbi’s hand and Abbi waves, her smile huge and carefree. Beth is glad because Abbi doesn’t need to know. In fact, she already knows more than she should. Beth smiles back and waves as her and Daryl walk away.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

_ ‘Wait.’  _ That’s all she said the entire ride home. And it was agonizing because what she didn’t say was written on her face. He could’ve pulled over, made her tell him because he thinks she would have. If he pushed she would've told him. She scooted over next to him and didn’t let go of his arm until they got home. And when they got inside she still didn’t say anything at first. 

 

She cried and he let her. He took her in his arms and held her and let her cry.

 

Once she calmed down she told him about the conversation she had with Amy. And he was irritated but it’s only been one day. He’s gonna give them some time to call her or something. She deserves to know what’s going on. Or did they just pass her off to him to keep her out of it all? Makes no sense. She’s a fucking adult. Not a child. She’s not broken or fragile or unable to handle anything. She’s strong and tough and if they don’t start treating her with the respect she deserves he’s gonna give them all a piece of his mind. He’s got a pretty good idea that Hershel already knows where he stands. But Maggie, that’s what Daryl thinks is bothering Beth most of all. He’ll deal with her too if he has too.

 

He went down to the shop to help Merle with an oil change on Carol’s car, mainly because he needed something else to focus on but also to give Beth a little space to unpack her things and breathe a little. Seems like she’s more worried about what he thinks sometimes then she is about just feeling what she feels. Maybe his mood has something to do with it. 

 

“Fuck!” Daryl jerks his hand from inside the engine. It’s the second time he’s pinched his finger since they started working on the car.

 

“Dammit Daryl, what’s goin’ on?” Merle pulls him back from the car, Daryl jerks away from his brother who’s only trying to look at his finger.

 

“Ain’t nothin’ “ he mumbles. Merle’s pulling out a bottle of whiskey from under the tool bench. And two shot glasses. Daryl doesn't let himself think about all the reasons why he shouldn’t. Or even the reasons Merle shouldn’t.

 

“Bullshit! It’s somethin’. You gonna tell me?” Merle passes him a glass. He’s right though. And once again he thinks about his brother’s relationship with Beth, his entire family’s relationship with her. He fills Merle in on what happened with Amy and what’s supposedly happening with Shawn.

 

“Gettin’ fuckin' tired of them hurtin' her! If I have to listen ta her cry…” A shadow falls over him and then he hears her voice.

 

“Daryl?” She’s standing in the bay door, the sun behind her so he can’t really see her face. But he can hear the question in her voice.

 

“Beth, ya alright? Ya-”

 

“I’m fine.” She’s not. “I’m- I’m sorry.” Then she’s gone and he hears her feet on the steps up to the apartment. Taking the other shot Merle poured he goes after her.

 

When he walks into the apartment he sees the little changes. Little pieces of her. Her guitar is in the corner. There’s a laptop on the coffee table and a soft yellow blanket draped over the back of the couch. It smells different and he realizes it smells like her. Like soap or a flower. A candle on the table flickers. 

 

“Beth?” He doesn’t see her in the bedroom and the bathroom door is open and it’s dark inside. He heads to the kitchen, the only place he can’t see from the living room. She’s there. Leaning against the counter where she has bread and lettuce and lunch meat spread out.

 

“I was coming to ask you what you wanted on your sandwich and I…” His hands itch to hold her.

 

“Tell me what ya heard and what ya thought so I can tell ya yer wrong…” He has a pretty good idea of what it was and the reasons why.

 

“I- look, Daryl, I know-”

 

“Tell me, Beth.” Sighing she looks down at her hands.

 

“You said, you said if you have to listen to me cry… I told you I was emotional,” She says it gently, not accusing, just stating a fact.

 

“Ya think I was complaining?” And he’s gentle right back. He’s also slowly walking over to where she is.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe? Yeah…” 

 

“I was complainin’ but not about you, so yer wrong.”

 

“Daryl I-” Taking her hand he pulls her to him and looks at her, he can’t help but smile. She’s so beautiful even when she’s sad. And this emotional shit is no joke. But she’s wrong.

 

“I ain’t gonna stand for yer family to keep up messing ya up if I have to listen ta you cry because of them,” he stresses the past part, the part she thought she heard, “they’re gonna hear it from me.” 

 

“Oh…” Her soft laughter reaches right down inside of him and squeezes his heart.

 

“You want a candy bar?” She laughs harder and starts to lean into him but gasps and takes a hold of his hand.

 

“Daryl! You’re bleeding!” She holds it up so he can see. He’d forgotten about that. His finger is throbbing and there’s blood running down his arm.

 

“Shit. Smashed my finger…” She leads him to the sink and holds his hand under the faucet. She gets a better look at it without the blood and while she’s looking at it, he’s looking at her, the wisps of hair curling at her temple, her furrowed brow, and her bare shoulder. He leans down and presses a kiss to it. “I was havin’ a hard time focusin’.”

 

“Cause of me?” she asks.

 

“Maybe a little.” More than a little but he won’t tell her that. She’ll think she has to fix it and she doesn’t. He’s angry and moody, she’s emotional and sad. They’re a mess.

 

“Let’s go in the bathroom, we need a bandage.” She doesn’t let go of his hand as they walk the short distance into the little room. He leans against the counter while she finds what she needs. He holds out his finger so she can dab it with antibiotic cream and wrap the bandage around it. Her blue eyes meet his. “Am I hurting you?” 

 

“No.”

 

“You sure?” He knows what she’s doing, knows what she’s really asking.

 

“Get yer walking shoes, we’re going for a walk.” He heads into the bedroom and takes his crossbow down. She’s following right behind him.

 

“Are we going hunting?” She sounds kind of excited. That warms his heart. They’ve been out in the woods together and she knows he hunts, tracks. She also knows he goes there to get away. She showed him her loft now he’s gonna show her his woods. 

 

“Nah, but always gotta be prepared,” he says. She’s got a couple of pairs of shoes in the closet right next to his and that is the first thing that’s felt right this whole entire day. Besides waking up with her next to him.

 

“Prepared for what?” she asks slipping on her converse. He shrugs and checks the tension on the bow.

 

“ I’dunno, maybe zombies or wolves.” He smirks and her laughter is almost perfect, but not as perfect as her shoes right next to his.

 

****  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A few little things and one big one. Periods and toasters, Daryl is learning new things and Beth is finding out that she can count on Daryl, he’s not going anywhere even when she doesn't know if she wants to laugh or cry or eat. Until next week!!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **There is a missing scene that takes place between chapter 27 and 28! I included it in my Summer of Bethyl 2018 fic "A Handful of Bethyl". I've posted the link here in case you're interested in seeing what happens on their walk in the woods!**
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **  
> [Sunset and Sound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15394962/chapters/35946531)  
>   
> 
> ****


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So you got a little peek into a scene I hadn’t planned on writing last week and now here’s the big stuff! Shout out to @gneebee and her fic “Not Her” for inspiring Daryl and the Hershey Bars with Almonds… That’s all I am saying.. if you haven’t already read this fic, go read it now! (Also check out The Daryl Dixon Diet.. one of my all times faves!) And to the guest reviewer who pointed out my misuse of to/too… I am not mad! I appreciate it! I use an editing program and I’m wondering why it’s not picking this up! But I am so guilty of messing up these two! (HA! to/too) Ok go read and thank you as always for being nice...**

 

The best thing about sunsets in the summer is that they seem to go on forever. Long after the sun dips below the horizon the light that’s still fading streaks the sky in purples and pinks, not quite finished with the show. Stars are already twinkling when they come out of the woods and head towards the apartment. He held her hand, listened to her talk, smiled when she said she still liked to wish on stars but for the most part neither of them said much.

 

This is the first time he’s ever shared the woods and what they mean to him, with anyone. It feels good. It doesn’t hurt so much giving her pieces of himself. He’s pretty sure it’s her, all her. He wouldn’t do this with anyone else. Couldn’t.

 

He lets her go up the stairs in front of him and before he opens the door he turns her to face him and he kisses her. He can’t tell her what it means, sharing it all, the words are there but getting them from his heart to her ears isn’t happening. But this can and she gets it. 

 

Her phone is jingling as he heads for the bedroom. She left it lying on the table. He hears her answer, it’s Maggie.  _ ‘Bout fuckin’ time,  _ he thinks. He tries not to listen as he kicks off his boots but he can’t help it.

 

“I’m sorry, we went for a walk. I left my phone here.” There are a pause and a couple of uh huhs. Something about tomorrow and Daryl heads to the bathroom to turn on the shower. When he comes out she’s sitting at the table.

 

“Everythin’ okay?” he asks. Because she looks tired. And a little nervous.

 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine. She’s been trying to call.”

 

“Oh yeah?” he asks but he knows she can read his mind on this one. She knows how he feels about all of it. The way they treat her pisses him off. She deserves so much more from her own family.

 

“Her and daddy want to get together tomorrow and talk about what’s gonna happen, you know, with Shawn and everything.” 

 

“Thas’ a good thing.” He waits, watches as she works something out.

 

“Would you, I want you to be there with me Daryl, could you…” She doesn’t have to ask, he’ll do anything for her. Nodding, he shoves his hands in his pockets. 

 

“I’ll be there, course I will.” Her ambivalence belies the small smile on her face as she rests her hands on the table.

 

“Maggie and Glenn, they got the apartment. They get the keys tomorrow.” Oh. He isn’t prepared for this. Obviously, he knew it was coming, he just did his best to not think about it. Unsure of what to say he doesn’t say anything. But suddenly all he wants is to be near her, to have her in his arms, to have her and not think about what all this could mean, her sister and the apartment and that little loft on the third floor she told him about.

 

Her leaving. Even though this was only temporary. He knew this. 

 

“Wanna take a shower?” She quirks an eyebrow but she smiles her best Beth smile at his request, it’s his favorite and it eases the tight feeling in his chest.

 

“A shower?” She stands, waits for him to answer.

 

“Yeah, or somethin’.”  Something, that’s what he really needs.

 

“I’m…” A soft blush that might be about more than the fact that she’s talking about her period with him, colors her cheeks. And his body is definitely responding to the thought of her naked and pressed up against him under the spray of the shower.

 

“Don’t care, it’s you and- jus’ don't matter.” _ I jus’ wanna hold you. I need to, I need you. _ It probably doesn’t count for much that he’s thinking all the words he wants to say to her. He has entire conversations with her in his head. Maybe someday he’ll be able to have those conversations with her for real. But for now, he’s gonna have to go with what he’s got. Which are actions rather than words.

 

He takes off his t-shirt. And the way she looks at him gets him harder than the thought of her naked in the shower. She pulls her tank top off too and then her bra and it’s a stare down until he puts his hand on the top button of his jeans and she mimics him.

 

If it’s a race then he wins which is okay because he gets to watch her.

 

They’re both standing here, her in her panties and him naked. It feels like waiting. But for what? He sees the rise and fall of her chest, the way her lips are part just a little and her half-lidded gaze. 

 

“I need-  can I use the bathroom before...” Her cheeks are a deeper pink now and the blush is spreading down her chest and she’s nervous. Maybe this is too much. Now that they’re actually here and it’s not just talk anymore. 

 

“Com’ere…” holding out an arm he curls it around her when she comes to him. And she does without hesitation. “If ya don’ wanna do this... “ His cock brushes up against her belly and she shivers. 

 

“I do,” she whispers. And the look in her eyes, he’s seen it before, it’s all the confirmation he needs. She wants this as much as he does. Leaning down he kisses her softly. 

 

“Go on, I’ll meet ya in the shower.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Closing the door behind her Beth takes a deep breath. A million thoughts are chasing each other around in her head about how this is supposed to go. Refusing to let anxiety take over she uses the bathroom, flushes her tampon and stands in front of the mirror. He wants this, he wants her. 

 

And she can’t deny that she wants him too. Really wants him. Which isn’t anything new. But. 

 

She’s on her period and she still wants him to fuck her silly. 

 

Opening the door a little to let him know he can come in she climbs into the shower and stands under the spray. The water is cool and it feels good on her scalp, rolling down the back of her neck, the curve of her spine. She’s got her eyes closed but she hears the rustle of the shower curtain as he gets in.

 

Resting his hands on her hips he leans into her and she feels him, his cock is hard where it’s pressed up against her, between them. His lips are on her neck, then her ear.

 

“Water okay?” His tongue and his teeth are doing things to her and she sighs, arches into him.

 

“It’s perfect- now.” Groaning softly his mouth finds hers and he turns her a little so he can back her against the tile wall, cage her in with his arms and kiss her again, but this time it’s filled with a need that feels out of place. Not that she doesn’t want him to need her, want her, but it’s desperate like it’s fading like something is leaving.

 

Like he’s trying his best to hold on.

 

Sliding her fingers into his wet hair she tugs him closer, kisses him harder wanting to fill him up leave no room for whatever this is that has him shaking against her.

 

“I want… fuck Beth,” he breathes against her lip

 

“Me, you want me?” She’s unprepared for the wave of desire that overtakes her when she says those words and he nods. He cups her breast, teases the nipple. Then backs away, fumbles with the shower curtain. A condom rests in his hand and she takes it, tears it open and then it’s her turn to fumble, her hands are shaking a little in her rush to slide the condom on. He whimpers at her touch pushes himself into her hands.

 

He turns her again, this time she’s facing the wall and he’s behind her, his voice vibrates against her back.

 

“Lift yer leg, here, that okay?” Lifting her leg and resting her foot on the edge of the tub she leans over a little, hands against the wall and rubs her backside against him and yeah that’s okay. It’s more than okay when he pushes into her, trapping her between him and the wall. She trembles and he starts to back away.

 

“No, no, stay here, keep me…” Something about having him inside of her and behind her and being held in place by the weight of him is so erotic and she knows he feels it too. He’s whispering against the side of her face, one hand covering hers on the wall, the other holding onto her hip as his thrusts speed up.

 

When he tries to slide his hand down between her legs she pushes it away. And it isn't because of the blood, she’s beyond caring about that. Arching her back, she whines softly.

 

“Harder... Beth.. can I?” Answering is impossible, she’s so close. Bracing her hands against the wall she leans forward a little more and all it takes is one hard upward thrust and her climax comes at her in drugging waves. His strong arm slides around her and he holds her up as he shudders against her.

 

They lean against the wall for a moment. His breath in her ear. He has both arms around her now and she turns in them so she can lay her head against his chest, listen to his heart slow down, even out.

 

The water at their feet is tinged pink and her voice quavers with the after-effects of one of the most intense orgasms she’s ever had.

 

“I better…” This, all of it was so much more than she ever thought it could be. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable and she really hadn’t thought of the little things like the color of the water at her feet, until just now. 

 

None of it mattered. It still doesn’t matter, but she’s thinking coherently and feels a little self-conscious.

 

“Hang on.” Reaching behind her he brings his hand around between them and he has a washcloth. He rests it against her belly, looks into her eyes and she moves a little, spreads her legs and he wipes gently, cleaning her off. A small moan escapes her lips. If he did this, kept it up, he could probably make her come again. Her clit is so sensitive right now but so is her heart and what he’s doing is touching it as much as her pussy.

 

“God Daryl…” He’s watching her intently. And she can’t read him, not completely. She sees so much. Like the sex, there’s an urgency, a need that has nothing to do with their bodies. He moves his hand away, rinses the cloth under the water, and then cleans himself off, getting rid of the condom at the same time. He rinses off the washcloth a final time and hands it to her.

 

“I’ll let ya finish up okay?” It’s sweet, and it’s hormones and it’s that desperation she knows she saw but doesn’t fully understand that brings tears to her eyes as he leaves pulling the bathroom door shut behind him with a click.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They ate omelets on the futon, cleaned up the kitchen together and then crawled into bed. It was quiet just like their walk out of the woods, but he kind of got the feeling she’s figured out there’s more to it, the quiet. It’s possible she knows what the ‘more’ is or at least has an idea. 

 

For whatever reason, she chooses not to press the issue. Yet. She will though or he’ll come clean. Because brooding over everything he has a tough time understanding or dealing with in relation to her isn’t going to work. He thinks he’s been doing a pretty good job all things considering. 

 

At least up until she told him Maggie and Glenn got the apartment. 

 

And it’s not like he’s just finding out all of this out. He knew. But that was before he had her with him. Before he knew she liked scented candles and soft blankets. Her not being here already feels like a loss. She said it, he’s her safe place. So how come he can’t just ask her to stay?

 

She’s asleep before him one hand resting on his belly where she had been rubbing circles, making him sleepy too. And that’s a good thing, he has to just focus on the good things. And the rest, it’ll all be okay. It has to be.

 

Morning comes and it’s not soon enough. His dreams were dark and he Beth were running in the woods, running from something that terrified him. More than anything he felt like he needed to protect her, keep her in front of him, hold onto her hand as they ran and ran.

 

Now she’s in his arms, pressed up against his chest. He stretches a little, trying to relieve a cramp in his leg without waking her. But when he glances down, her blue eyes are on him.

 

“Hi,” she sighs cupping his cheek. Kissing her forehead, he leans into her touch.

 

“Morning.” This is how it needs to be every morning. Not her somewhere else. And him here alone. Shaking that thought off he pulls her up so he can kiss her on the mouth, relish in the feel of her fingers in his hair. 

 

“Want me to teach you to use the toaster?” With a wicked little gleam in her eye, she sits up and looks down at him. Her hair is everywhere and his t-shirt is falling off leaving her shoulder bare.

 

“I know how ta-” She yelps as he pulls her back down, runs his fingers up her ribs and leaves her breathless with laughter.

 

Daryl toasted the bagels and Beth spread on the cream cheese and they moved to the little kitchen table with their cups of coffee. Biting into the bagel Daryl is positive these are better than the coffee shop. Maybe it’s just because they made them here together.

 

“Daryl you didn’t let go of me all night,” she says gently. He doesn't respond at first- then,

 

“Jus’ wanted ta hold you, sorry,” he mumbles looking down at the table.

 

“Don’t apologize, I’m not complaining. I liked it.” His eyes flick to hers and he wishes she could just read it there, everything he’s feeling and wants to say to her.

 

“Had bad dreams…” Ridiculous dreams and this isn’t even a thing he needs to worry about. Her leaving. He keeps telling himself this but if it’s sinking in, he can’t tell.

 

“No matter where I am I’m always yours.” She gets it. She knows. And he feels like an ass, doesn’t want her to think he’s upset, that she can’t live her life the way she wants. He just doesn’t know how to do this. He got a taste of how it could be. And they do have time for all of it. But ‘we got time’ means someday and someday sounds like the thing people say when they actually mean never.

 

“What time we gotta be over at yer dad’s?”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth knew something was up last night. Something changed when she told him that Glenn and Maggie got the apartment they were looking at. The same one that has a little loft she can probably afford and will most likely get. He hadn’t said anything but she saw it on his face. 

 

And the shower, his suggestion all of a sudden, like he was changing the topic of a conversation they weren’t having, it was amazing. She never knew it could feel like that, but there was also that underlying feeling of desperation like he was trying to reach for something and he couldn’t quite grab it.

 

What she said to him at the table, it was just a hunch. Maybe her moving into her own place isn’t what he really wants. 

 

They’re in Merle’s truck on the way to the farm and he’s talking about finding his own truck. The mood from earlier has dissipated and he’s got one hand tucked between her legs and he’s talking about a truck and how he can help her move and take the kids to school once it starts and he’s trying so hard to be okay with this. She can’t help but love him more. Which is virtually impossible because she loves him with everything in her already.

 

Driving down the dusty road to her childhood home isn’t supposed to cause anxiety. She’s not supposed to wish she was driving away instead. Daryl kills the engine and squeezes her thigh.

 

“I got a couple a things I need ta say in there too. Might not be my place-”

 

“Daryl you have every right to speak your mind, about anything.” Getting on her knees on the seat beside him she takes his face in her hands. “Your place is with me, I hope, and if you have something to say, please say it.” They stare at each other for what seems like a very long time, but it’s only seconds before he leans in and kisses her.

 

“I love you, Beth.” He’s so good at dodging this whole thing. But she’ll let him off the hook for now. He knows she’s on to him. And if she’s being honest she’s having a hard time thinking about leaving the little place they share too. 

  
  


Beth isn’t at all surprised at how the conversation has gone so far. It’s like all the rest of them. Her daddy and Maggie talking and telling her what’s going to happen, what she should do as if she hasn’t already figured it all out. As if she doesn’t have a choice.

 

Daryl, he told her he had a few things he needed to say. She just didn’t expect it, because most of the time he just listens unless...

 

He has something to say.

 

“Ya asked me if I thought you could protect her? I don’t. Ain’t nobody asking her what she thinks, what she wants ta do. Y’all are jus’ tellin’ her like she’s a helpless kid. She ain’t. She’s strong, so fuckin’ strong and she’s a grown woman and y’all need to treat her like one.” Her family is silent, but they look a little chagrined. Especially her daddy. Glenn, who came with Maggie is nodding a little like he agrees. 

 

Beth looks over at Daryl, arms folded across his broad chest, he’s not really looking at anyone but then he takes a deep breath and looks right at her daddy.

 

“If she needs protectin’ she’s got me.” Nodding at Hershel he turns and heads out of the kitchen and down the hall.

 

“Did he just-” Maggie starts.

 

“He’s right,” Glenn says, his cheeks pinking up when all eyes turn on him.

 

“I know that! I- Beth, I’m sorry. We should’ve-” But Beth isn’t listening. She’s going after him.

 

He’s on the porch smoking a cigarette. She can tell just by the way he’s standing that he’s uncomfortable.

 

“Daryl?” His face, like his body language, is telling her he’s not happy. She waits for his apology and when it doesn’t come she moves to him, slips her arms around his waist. The last thing she wants to hear is him apologizing for speaking his mind. Everything he said was true and she’s wanted to say some of those very same things but the role she’s always played in all of this didn’t include standing up for herself. That’s changing though. He’s helping her change that.

 

“Ya done in there?” he asks getting rid of the cigarette. 

 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna tell them we’re leaving.” He nods and she stretches up n her toes and kisses his cheek. They don’t need words. Sometimes it’s possible to say everything with none. Before she can even untangle herself from him Maggie comes out the front door followed by Glenn. Beth feels Daryl tense up against her.

 

“Everything you said was true,” her sister says looking at Daryl, “ but she's still my little sister and I thought I was gonna lose her too. Maybe I’m holding on a little too tight.”

 

“You guys want to come get pizza with us? My mom’s there and if you’re up for it she’s been bugging me to get you in the store.” Glenn’s smile is contagious and Daryl looks to her for confirmation.

 

“Yeah, sure. I just need to see my daddy for a minute.” Pushing away from him she goes back inside. He’s still in the kitchen. Alone, leaning against the counter with a glass of tea. 

 

“I know you're a grown woman Beth, I guess I just look at you and see the little girl you were and maybe a part of me wants a second chance to do things the way I should’ve.”

 

“We don’t get to go back daddy.” And living there, in the past isn’t any good either.

 

“We don’t. I’ll call you, let you know what’s going on. Daryl, he was right.” There’s a little stubbornness in admitting that, she can see it. And it’s ok. It feels normal.

 

They talk for a few more minutes. About school and the college fund, he’s going to transfer it into her name, and the loft.

 

“Do what your heart tells you, Beth. I think your mama would’ve said the same thing.” She didn’t say anything about her feelings or Daryl’s feelings or how this impending move is weighing heavy on her heart. But he’s her daddy and regardless of the past, he knows her.

 

She hugs him tightly, makes him promise to take it easy and then before she goes back outside she runs up to her room and takes the pictures of her mama off the mirror and slides them in her pocket.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So right now the move seems to be an issue. It’s something Beth is going to have to work out on her own. Even Daryl knows that which is why he’s keeping (or trying) his feelings about it to himself. Maybe that’s not such a good idea… PSA! Condoms and water are not the best combo but showers are different… so…. Just remember as much as we want to believe… this is a work of fiction! Thank you and please let me know what you think!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **When you’ve never been in a serious relationship you learn as you go… they’re learning. They’ll get there. Maybe. This is a long chapter! I hope you enjoy it even though it’s living up to the angst tag! Thank you for being super cool!**

Going for pizza turns out to be alright even though Daryl wasn’t in the mood to hang out with anyone. At least he didn’t think he was until they walked into the little pizza place and the smell made his mouth water. Glenn went back into the kitchen to make their pizzas himself because according to Maggie he’s got the magic touch when it comes to pizza.

 

A small Korean woman who looks a lot like Glenn and definitely smiles like him comes over to where the three of them are sitting and she holds out a hand to Daryl. She is slight but has a commanding air about her that Daryl respects. She won’t be misjudged because of her size. Not unlike the beautiful little blonde sitting beside him.

 

“Mr. Dixon, I’m Mrs. Rhee, come with me, please. I need to talk business with you.” Motioning for him to follow her Daryl does exactly that glancing back over his shoulder at Beth who gives him an encouraging smile.

 

By the time he gets back to the table, Glenn is back with the pizza and Mrs. Rhee has convinced him that he is the only one she will hire to do the floors in her restaurant. Paula recommended him and she saw his work. She won’t take no for an answer and she won’t let him dull his own shine.

 

“You’re going to make my floors twice as good as Paula’s. She thinks she’s so special… I’ll show her,” she mutters the last part and then shakes on a deal Daryl has obviously agreed too.

 

When Daryl sits down Glenn chuckles.

 

“She’s bossy and stubborn. That’s my mom. But she won’t cheat you and you’ll get free pizza for the rest of your life,” Glenn says with a smile.

 

“ ‘S a big job.”

 

“I’m willing to help. I have a few carpentry skills. I don’t just make pizza.” Glenn’s expression is eager and the fact that he kind of backed Daryl up back there in Hershel’s kitchen makes him an ally.

 

“I’m coming in ta take measurements and stuff tomorrow,” Daryl says reaching for a slice of pizza. Glenn smiles and turns his attention to Beth.

 

“Your salad! Come on and I’ll show you my secret,” Glenn says and glances at Daryl, “Apparently I have salad skills too.” Beth is giggling as she follows Glenn across the restaurant to the salad bar.

 

Sitting across from him, picking at the cheese on her pizza Maggie glances over at Daryl.

 

“When Beth cut her wrist I was terrified. I thought I was gonna lose her like we lost our mama. I knew she was feeling down, we were all such a mess. I guess we still are. I was scared and then I got angry and I just wanted to make sure she never... “ Daryl nods. Maggie doesn’t owe him an explanation. But he appreciates it and he gets it. 

 

“She ain’t gonna,” he says quietly.

 

“I know.” She smiles a little smile, it kind of reminds him of Beth and right now everything about Beth makes him ache in a way he hopes never stops.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Everything feels settled. Sort of. As settled as Beth thinks it can be for now. The apartment came up only because Maggie and Glenn were headed over there to pick up the keys. The loft never came up. Not then and not later when they drove back to Daryl’s apartment. It gnawed at her a little but she refused to let it become a thing. Yet. 

 

They talked about the week ahead and the restaurant and what Daryl needs to do to get ready for that. And when the boys came up, each with a mason jar full of coins and dollar bills, proof they’re ready to buy crossbows Beth retreated to the bedroom to sort laundry and let them take care of business.

 

She listened to them make a plan and made her little piles of clothing and who knew that sorting laundry could make a person feel so many things?

 

Monday came and went and after a quiet day at the library, she came back to Daryl’s for an even quieter afternoon. No one was home at Merle and Carol’s and Daryl was still working. She jumped in the shower and then took care of the laundry she’d sorted, cut up vegetables for stir fry, something Daryl hadn’t ever eaten and picked up her guitar.

 

It’s kind of like riding a bike. Her fingers find the strings that make up the chords to the songs she liked to play when she was just learning. She’s self-taught, unlike the piano where she sat beside her mama on the bench and copied every move she made. She was four years old and playing the second part to chopsticks and by six she was tapping out simple versions of Beethoven that she put together on her own. 

 

But her favorite thing was listening to her mama play. When the cancer took even that away Beth didn’t go near the piano again for a few years. In high school, she took music classes and started playing there but never again at home. 

 

The guitar was different because she did it on her own but playing music as much as she loved it made her miss her mama and even though her fingers ached to go there she very rarely did it on her own.

 

She’s doing a lot of things that she hasn’t done in such a long time and it feels good. Sometimes it hurts, but the hurt is expected. She knows where it’s coming from. And it hurts to heal sometimes.

 

Light falls across the floor and when she looks up Daryl’s there standing in the doorway. Her fingers falter on the guitar strings. His gaze is heavy and it holds her.

 

“Keep playing.’ Coming in he closes the door behind him.

 

“Oh,“ she laughs softly and looks down at her hands repositioning them on the fretboard, she starts strumming again- nothing special, just a little tune she remembered always playing around with. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him come across the room and he sits down beside her on the futon.

 

“ ‘S got any words?”

 

“No, it’s just some chords, I like the way they sound together.” He’s rubbing his knuckles along her thigh, making her shiver.

 

“Sing something,” he says, “I mean if ya want.”

 

She’s self-conscious all of a sudden- but she also wants to. It’s just that she hasn’t sung in front of anyone since her mama died. He’ll be the first and that’s a pretty big deal for her.

 

But it’s Daryl and he’s a pretty big deal too.

 

_  I walked until the sun went down _

_    I thought that no one else was around _

_    Until I saw you, until I saw you… _

 

Her fingers know the way and its bittersweet because she should’ve been doing this a long time ago, playing and singing, but it’s also almost perfect that he played a big part in bringing it back, the music that she loves.

 

“Got a real pretty voice girl, should be singing all the time.” She could say the same thing about his voice It’s just a different kind of pretty if it’s even possible to use that adjective to describe Daryl’s voice and all the things it does to her. Especially when he’s talking like he is now, the low rumble of his voice reverberating through her body.

 

“Th-” Catching herself she leans over to kiss him. He gives her a quick peck and moves back.

 

“ ‘M covered in dust and crap, lemme clean up and we can make some dinner,” Daryl says standing.

 

“Oh I already got stuff ready and I have laundry I need too-” He’s staring at her, that crooked smile she loves curling up the corners of his mouth. But there’s something in his eyes that doesn't quite fit with that smile.

 

“Ya did my laundry?” Nodding she feels a blush heat her cheeks. “An ya made dinner?” Nodding again she returns his smile, the one that isn’t quite a smile anymore. “Didn’t have ta do that.” He’s almost whispering now and the smile is definitely slipping.

 

“I wanted to.” She did. It felt good, feels good doing these little everyday things. And maybe it’s too much because she’s got those other plans.

 

“Okay.” It’s the finality of it, the word and his tone that lets her breathe again. But it isn’t over. They both keep dodging it. Only she isn’t sure where to turn. This is his call. “I’ma jump in the shower.” Leaning down he kisses her again, lingers a little longer, then backs away.

 

She watches him go, barely four steps to the bathroom from where they were sitting and she’d like to follow him in there, but maybe it’s best to give him some space. Instead, she heads down to switch the laundry. It’s in Merle and Carol's garage and she’s just finishing up when Carol walks out.

 

“Hey Beth, I thought I heard someone out here.”

 

“Just finishing our laundry. Do you need to get in here?”

 

“Oh no, I have a question for you. We usually go to the library on Tuesdays, but I was thinking I could probably get Beau to come if he knows you’re reading a story,” Carol says.

 

“We switched story hour to Thursday this week because of a meeting, but I’d love for you guys to come!  I have a story about camping and hunting. And they can help me with a campfire project!”

 

“I can tell them you need big helpers.”

 

“Yeah, and my nieces will be there too. I can introduce you guys.”

 

“Perfect!” Carol says. “Everything going okay?”

 

Beth smiles softly. “Yeah it is, it’s just-” Pausing for a moment she thinks about how to ask what she wants to ask without sounding completely ridiculous. “How long should you be with someone before you live together? I mean is there a certain amount of time or-”

 

“Well, I don't know. I guess it’s different for everybody and probably depends on the reasons… I think it’s something only your heart really knows.”

 

_ ‘Do what your heart tells you, Beth.’ _

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Why does it have to be so confusing? 

 

“Are you guys thinking-” Carol asks. She doesn’t seem at all surprised either.

 

“No, no- I, I found a little place in town, but…”  _ But I don’t know if leaving the little place I have here is what I want,  _ is what she’s thinking.

 

“That’s not what you want?” Carol can see right through her. Like her mama or Maggie.

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

“What about Daryl?” What about Daryl? She wishes she knew.

 

“Oh, he’s gonna do whatever he thinks I want!” She laughs but it's bittersweet. “But he seems- distant. And kind of sad whenever the topic comes up.”

 

“Getting him to tell you what to do is going to be like pulling teeth, you know that right?”

 

“I don’t want him to tell me what to do. I want to know what he wants, that’s all. Cause it matters.”

 

“Maybe he’s trying to tell you. Like I said, listen to your heart.” Resting her hand on Beth’s arm she gives her a warm smile. It’s too much and all Beth can do is nod in return as she reaches for the laundry detergent. The door to the house swings open.

 

“Mama I,- Beth!” Beau is there for a second, in just his underwear and then the door slams shut behind him.

 

“I better go see what that was all about!” Carol laughs.

 

“Thank you, Carol.”

 

“No problem. And for the record, my home is always yours.” Carol disappears into the house leaving Beth with a warm feeling in her chest but still just as confused as ever.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl feels the quiet before he even leaves the bathroom for the kitchen. The apartment is empty- Beth must still be down doing the laundry.

 

Is this what it’s gonna feel like when she goes for good? Doing laundry, making dinner, playing her guitar… she said he needed to fill up his apartment, make it his. But she’s done that. She’s filled it up with herself and nothing he does is ever gonna come close to having her here.

 

When he walks into the little kitchen the first thing he sees is the toaster.

 

And he wants to pick it up and throw it, smash it against the wall.

 

He hears the door and then she’s there, forcing a smile kind of like he is.

 

“Sorry Daryl, I was talking to Carol-”

 

“ ‘S okay- what are we having?” he asks.

 

“Oh! I thought I’d make stir fry for you to try, you said you’ve never had it.” Her eyes are kind of sparkling. All at the thought of making him stir fry? Damn girl, he loves her so much it fucking hurts.

 

“Yeah? I like that. What else ya gotta do?” She moves into the little space beside him and starts pulling things from the fridge. Cut up vegetables, a bowl of chicken marinating in a thick brown sauce. Setting it all on the counter she rests her hands on her hips.

 

“I just need to cook the chicken a little and then add the veggies, it won’t take long. Oh and some rice…” Her cheeks are flushed and she’s pulling out a skillet and all he wants to do is make her smile- chase away the somber mood that seems to find its way between them lately.

 

“I wanna help,” he says reaching for the pan.

 

“Yeah?” He nods and that smile he wanted to put on her face is there. “Okay you can start the chicken, just put a little oil in the pan first.” She hands him the bottle of sunflower oil.

 

He does like she says while she gets water boiling for the rice.

 

“There a kitchen in that loft?” It doesn't feel too horrible asking her, but he doesn’t like it much either. He just wants her to know he supports her. No matter what.

 

“Um, a small one. That’s what Maggie said. I haven’t seen it yet.” She’s stirring the rice into the water, not looking at him.

 

“Prolly nice.”

 

“Mmmhmm.” He gets the feeling she’d rather not talk about it either. And maybe his mood has ruined the excitement for her because when she first told him about it when they had their picnic she was excited. She should get to feel that, it’ll be her first place on her own.

 

“Got a toaster?” It’s meant to be an innocent question, funny even, but it seems to catch her off guard.

 

“I, I don’t know…” Her voice is strained and this isn’t what he intended at all.

 

“Can come over here an use mine,” he says bumping her gently with his hip.

 

“Every morning?” She smiles bumping him back.

 

“Every single one girl.” The catch in his voice changes the tone from playful to kind of painful. He keeps fucking everything up. He’s trying to make this easier but he’s doing a shit job.

 

After a moment of silence that feels like it’s suffocating him, she grabs the bowl of veggies.

 

“We can add these now,” Taking them he dumps them into the skillet. “Just keep stirring.” Stepping back he reaches over and rests a hand on her lower back.

 

“Wanna help me?” Nudging her a little she follows his lead and steps in front of him and just like he’d hoped she leans against him and rests her hand on top of his that’s holding the wooden spoon.

 

Together they stir the food as it sizzles softly in the pan. There’s no desperation in what he’s feeling tonight as he rubs against her, nuzzling his nose into her hair. But he does want her. Even if the circumstances were different, this wouldn’t be. He’s always gonna want her. She’s pushing back against him, she’s obviously feeling it too.

 

“I say we eat and hit the sack early. We both gotta work and stuff…” He whispers against her ear. Her soft moan makes his cock pulse. Leaving the wooden spoon in her hand he slides his hands to her hips, rocks her against him.

 

“Daryl…” Breathless she covers his hands with hers, slides one up to her breast.

 

“Fuck Beth,” he groans. But he lowers his hand and moves back a little, enough so she’s not rubbing her tight little body up against him. The rice is boiling and the stir fry smells really good. Almost as good as she feels. 

 

“Oh no!” Beth notices the rice and Daryl chuckles as she moves the pan off the burner. Reaching down he turns off both burners and picks up the wooden spoon.

 

“Smells good. Think we better eat it, ‘fore we can’t.” She laughs a little and reaches for plates in the cupboard.

 

“I could skip dinner…” she says quietly.

 

“Nah, you did this for me and I wanna eat it.” When she holds out a plate of rice he looks to her for confirmation and when she nods he scoops stir-fry on top. They take their plates to the table and he grabs a beer for himself and water for her. She scoots her chair right up next to him and it makes him feel things he doesn’t want to look at too closely right now, he justs wants this. Eating and talking and knowing that after he can have her like he wants her.

 

They clean up together and he can tell she’s rushing it, dumping leftovers in plastic containers he’s never seen before, she must’ve bought those. And just rising off the dishes saying she’ll do them later.

 

She keeps looking over at him and smiling and it’s a shy smile and it's also a fucking turn on and when she grabs his hand and walks around the tiny apartment with him while he turns off the lights, all two of them and he swears to himself he’s not gonna let thoughts of her leaving put him in a mood anymore. Not in front of her. She’s so sweet and special and she loves making him happy, she loves him. That’s something.

 

Life is good. He needs to remember that. And they have time. For everything.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Maybe tonight she’s the one who's feeling like all she wants is him. If he would have said he wanted her then and there she would have skipped dinner, just like she said she would.

 

But he ate and said he really liked it, said they should have it again sometime. And the way he looked at her earlier when he walked in from working all day and she was playing her guitar… She’s listening to her heart but she’s listening to him too and what he’s saying and the way he acts contradict each other and if he’s trying to tell her anything she’s completely confused.

 

She’ll give it until the weekend. They’re gonna take the bike and go for a long ride. Then she’ll tell him all the things she’s been feeling and she won’t hold back and maybe he’ll be able to open up too. Because despite what he’s saying she doesn't think any of this is making him happy. She’s not happy either. But there’s one thing that will make them both feel better. 

 

“Wanna light the candles?” His voice is husky and he’s right behind her. Nodding she turns and he slips his arms around her, pulls her in close. “Thanks for dinner, was good.” Leaning in he kisses her, sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, kisses her deeper and she can taste it, the stir-fry.

 

“You taste like it, “ she whispers against his lips.

 

“Gimme a minute, I’ma taste like you…” He steps away from her, leaving her standing at the foot of the bed while he lights the candles then he settles on the bed, against the headboard. “Take ‘em off,” he says softly. “I wanna watch.”

 

“What? I-” Undress, while he watches. She feels a blush starting at her scalp and tickling its way down her body.

 

But he’s looking at her like she’s everything, like she’s the only thing and her fingers find the hem of her shirt and then it’s over her head and on the floor followed by her leggings and her bra and panties and she’s standing there in front of him with nothing on and it’s not like it’s the first time. 

 

But.

 

It’s familiar and they’ve been here before, only not quite like this. It’s never the same thing twice. Maybe sometimes the first time happens again and again.

 

“Like this?” 

 

“Just like that.” She blinks and then he’s there, hands running up and down her arms. He kisses one shoulder and then the other, holds her breast in his hand and leans over to flick his tongue across the nipple making her gasp. And then he’s moving her back against the wall and lowering himself to his knees in front of her. Pressing a kiss to her hipbone he skims his palms up the back of her thighs and tips his head back to look up at her. His gaze makes her knees weak and this is a first. Not his gaze but the wall behind her and standing up and his mouth… oh, his mouth...

 

He’s moved in between her legs, nudged them apart, opening her up and before the sensation of his warm breath on her inner thigh begins to register in her brain his mouth is on her pussy, soft lips, tongue teasing and circling her throbbing clit sending her spinning and throwing her off balance. Hands in his hair she tries to steady herself. He moves his mouth away and immediately she feels the loss.

 

“Ya okay?”

 

“I… yeah it’s- I feel like I’m falling…” she breathes. Falling, always falling and it’s all because of him.

 

“Lean back, use the wall, I gotcha, ain’t gonna let you fall,” he whispers, gravelly words uttered against her flesh making her shiver and it’s way too late not to fall. 

 

But he keeps his word and holds her up, his tongue working over her as she comes in waves that tumble her into oblivion where the only thing she feels besides her pleasure are his hands wrapped around her, fingers pressing into her flesh, keeping her safe.

 

He moves up her body presses kisses as he goes. His cock is hard between them and slippery from the precome leaking onto her belly. His need making itself known.

 

Cupping his face in her hands she kisses him softly, sweetly, brushes back his hair.

 

“You taste like me Daryl, it‘s- so good...”

 

“I toldja…” He slides his arms around her, scoops her up like she’s light as a feather and carries her to the bed. He crawls on top of her, kisses her again deep and hard and he shivers as she runs her hands over his back, over the scars. “Jesus Beth…” his voice is shaky and he leans over a little, finds the box of condoms. He’s still rocking against her, where she’s wet and slick and it feels so good she’s sure she can come again.

 

Pushing himself up on one arm he tears the packet open with his teeth and manages to slide the condom over his length with one hand. He eases down between her legs again, guides the head of his cock into her slowly, she can feel it, every inch.

 

“Daryl…” He’s buried inside of her and he’s not moving just holding her there, breathing. It’s a sweet ache how he’s not moving. And he wraps his arms up around her head, his mouth seeking out the delicate skin of her neck, the soft shell of her ear.

 

“Wanna stay like this forever girl… wanna be inside you like this…” He raises up to look into her eyes as he rolls into her. That’s how it starts, slow, lazy. Kisses in between, fingers in each others hair until he shifts and rubs against something deep inside of her and her moan sets him off and his rolls turn into thrusts and they’re both breathing like they’re running a marathon up a hill until they get to the top and there’s nowhere else to go but down…

 

Falling. Always falling. Arms wrapped around bodies slick with sweat and come and wet kisses. And tears. Hers and his.

 

They’re both whispering,  _ I love you, I love you _ over and over again as he lets the condom fall to the floor and pulls her to his chest and she tucks her head down under his chin.

 

It’s ridiculous all of it. The things they aren’t saying. Sleep comes quick and for that she’s thankful.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By Thursday evening Daryl is beat. Climbing the stairs to the apartment takes serious effort. When he walks in and it’s quiet and dark he’s disappointed. He’d hoped Beth would be there cooking something, playing her guitar, anything. Just there.

 

Pulling off his dirty clothes, he leaves them on the floor beside the door intending on taking them down to the garage later on. They’re dirty, covered in dust from grinding down the floors in the restaurant.

 

The job is done and he’d been looking forward to telling Beth. After he and Merle build a treehouse with the boys tomorrow, the weekend is theirs. His and hers and he’s got plans. Kind of. They never decided on a destination, just that they were getting on the bike and going.

 

The hot water feels good on his aching muscles and he’s looking forward to curling up in bed with Beth. Pulling on his boxers he brushes his teeth and wanders through the empty apartment and ends up stretching out on the bed. He wakes up when he feels the bed move. Rolling over he looks at her through bleary eyes.

 

“Hey…” Pushing himself up he reaches for her and he notices the hesitation before she scoots over next to him.

 

“I’m sorry I’m late. Did you get my text?” He didn’t, he fell asleep, never even thought to check his phone.

 

“Shit Beth, I crashed. I don’t even know where my phone is…” Rubbing his face he can tell by looking at her that something is bothering her.

 

“Maybe your pants? By the door. I can take them down to-” 

 

“ ‘S okay. I’ll get ‘em in the morning. Where’d ya go?” After work. Which was a couple of hours ago at least. But he isn’t sure what time it is.

 

“Oh, I went by Maggie’s apartment. And the loft. The owner was there and let me look at it.” She isn’t exactly looking at him as she says this. She’s watching the fan in the window and it’s still light enough that he can see the shadows from the blades ripple across her face.

 

“Yeah, how’d that go?”  _ Did you hate it? Was it too small, too cramped, not here with me? _

 

“Okay. Um, the owner said I can have it. I can move in next week if I want to.” There’s a lump in his throat that he can’t swallow. All he can do is nod and even that is forced.

 

“Alright.” He has to say something and that’s the only thing he can manage. Now it’s his turn to look away. Fidget with his fingers, pulls at a loose piece of skin on his thumb.

 

“Are you hungry? I can-”

 

“Nah we had pizza, beer… was celebrating finishing the job. ‘M beat.” Easing himself back down on the bed, turning a little so he doesn't have to see her face and feeling guilty doing so, but he can’t look at her now. What does next week mean? Like Monday next week or…

 

He feels her hand on his arm.

 

“We still going for a ride?” Her voice is small and he can hear that she’s hurting and it hurts him, fucking breaks his heart that already feels kind of broken. He’s a dick. Turning a little and looking at her, her blue eyes asking a question, he forces a small smile.

 

“Course we are. Ya ain’t backin’ out on me are ya?” She shakes her head. “Good.” Laying back down he holds her gaze, doesn’t look away from her beautiful sad face.

 

“Okay, I’m gonna eat something and take a shower.” She doesn’t wait for a response from him she just gets up and goes. Leaving him to lie there and berate himself for everything he should have done and all the things he wants to say.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

She isn’t hungry, her stomach hurts. It has from the moment Maggie called and told her to come by and see their apartment and check out the loft. 

 

_ ‘It’s adorable! You’re gonna love it, Beth.’ _

 

Today had been almost perfect. Story hour had been busy. Carol and the kids had shown up and Beau and DJ helped out and told the little kids about hunting and camping and even painted their own campfires. Abbi took a liking to Beau and DJ, especially when she found out Daryl was their uncle. She asked them to come to the park to blow bubbles with her and Beau had surprised Carol when he asked if they could.

 

So she, Carol, and Amy had sat at a picnic table while the kids played in the park. Beth was on her lunch break and she and Amy caught up on everything. Hershel had called Beth on Wednesday night and let her know what was going on with Shawn and the late release and her and Amy talked a little about that. Not much though. There wasn’t much to say. Hershel had promised Beth that changes were going to happen and if they didn’t Shawn would need to decide what was most important to him. 

 

_ ‘I’m going to try and help him, but you and Maggie come first. If your brother can’t straighten up he’ll lose all of us. Including his own girls. I’m not losing mine again.’  _ It had felt good to hear him say it but she’ll believe it when she sees it. 

 

She got the call from Maggie and her lunch break had been just about over so she’d left Carol and Amy in the park with the kids. She looked over her shoulder and the last thing she saw was Beau and Abbi holding hands and blowing bubbles. That’s when her stomach had started hurting.

 

She’d tried to call Daryl, but he didn’t answer so she sent him a text letting him know she was stopping by Maggie’s. The fact that he never called or texted her back didn’t help her stomach. Neither did everything that was going on in her head. Or more importantly her heart. 

 

The loft was cute. And it would have been perfect if….

 

If she didn’t already have something that felt more like home than anywhere else ever had and it wasn’t even four walls and a roof. It was a man with blue eyes like a storm and strong arms that seemed to be the only place she felt safe.

 

She hadn’t expected to feel like she did when he reacted pretty much how she’d thought he would. She didn’t think it would hurt like it did because she knows how he feels about it, at least she thinks she does. But he hasn’t come out and said anything so she isn’t sure and this weekend is supposed to be her chance to try and get him to tell her the truth. 

 

And the loft has a toaster. But she doesn’t want another toaster. She likes the one she has right here with Daryl.

 

She’s thinking all of this as she showers and brushes her teeth. With the way her stomach is feeling dinner wasn’t something she wanted anyway. And not with Daryl in bed. That’s not how they do things. It’s not right and if he’s in bed that’s where she wants to be too.

 

It’s pointless to think she’ll crawl into bed unnoticed. He rolls over the minute he feels movement.

 

“Com’ere,” he whispers. He wraps an arm around her and when he shifts to his back she moves to lay with her head on his chest. Cause this is how they do this part. Always touching. Together. 

 

“I love you, Daryl.”

 

“Love you too.” She could tell him now, all the things she planned to say this weekend. Maybe…

 

“Daryl?” she whispers a soft sigh that rumbles just a little is the response she gets. He’s worn out and there’s no point in waking him. Let him sleep is what she thinks and she keeps right on thinking until the sky outside their window starts to show signs of the coming day.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When Daryl wakes up Beth is in his arms. Leaning down he kisses her forehead and she mumbles something in her sleep and ducks her head and snuggles back against him. He’d been awake last night when she said his name but he hadn’t wanted to do what they’re inevitably going to have to do. Which is talk.

 

Not yet.

 

He felt her toss and turn off and on all night. He had slept some. More than usual. Which is surprising because he’s usually the one whose mind won’t be quiet. She obviously didn’t get much sleep because she’s snoring softly against him.

 

“Beth, hey girl…” Sighing she turns in his arms but her eyes are still shut. Kissing her cheek and her chin and nuzzling into the warmth of her neck he whispers against her ear. “Love you so much… I didn’t mean ta be a dick…” 

 

He doesn’t get any further than that before Merle is banging on the door.

 

“Com’on brother we got lumber ta buy!” Groaning Daryl rolls over and sits on the edge of the bed. Glancing back at her he grabs his jeans and heads to the bathroom. 

 

Before he leaves he looks back in on her and she’s got his pillow in her arms, her face pressed into it just like she does with him when he’s there. And he has to fight with himself not to crawl right back into bed with her.

 

When they get back with a load of lumber Beth’s car is already gone and it doesn’t sit well with him. His mood is scratching at the back of his mind like a grumpy cat wanting to be let in, but he’s holding it at bay.

 

DJ and Beau are excited and it’s contagious. They’re building a little treehouse or tree fort as Beau calls it. Something he and Merle never had as kids. One of the many things they didn’t have and Merle seems determined to give his boys everything he didn’t get. Daryl thinks that having his brother for a daddy trumps it all. 

 

But he’ll do anything and everything for his nephews too. Even if he’s in a mood and his heart is aching and his girl might be somewhere else next week and he’ll be sleeping alone. 

 

Lonely is a concept he completely understands now. And he hates it.

 

By the time they get the ladder and the platform finished the boys are bored. They’d helped with a lot of the easier stuff but once the construction moved up into the tree it got a little tricky and now it’s just downright impossible. 

 

Not to mention it’s got to be close to lunchtime. And hungry boys are a pain in the ass. 

 

“Dammit, Beau just scooch over a bit, keep yer legs offa yer brother!” Merle says.

 

“Y’all need ta get down. ‘S too crowded up here.” Daryl growls moving his arm again so the hammer doesn’t smash any small fingers.

 

“Nah we wanna help!” Beau says standing and stepping right on DJ’s finger.

 

“Ow! Beau, get off!” Beau takes a couple of steps back and his legs hit a skinny branch and the past comes rushing back as the little boy's arms flail and he tumbles over the edge of the treehouse platform and onto the ground below.

 

Daryl feels all the air leave his lungs as Beau starts screaming. Merle is down the ladder and by Beau's side before Daryl even moves. And then he follows his brother reaching out for DJ and helping him down too. Carol comes rushing out the back door and Daryl watches it all happening in slow motion. Beau’s red face covered in tears. Merle gently holding his arm to get a better look. DJ kneeling beside Beau, resting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

 

And Daryl stuck on the grass beside the ladder to the treehouse.

 

“It’s all crooked daddy,” DJ says.

 

“We’re gonna have to take him in Merle.”

 

“I know, I know.. come on Beau, ‘s gonna be okay. Stop yer hollering boy. I got ya.”

 

“It’s broke! It hurts!” Beau is screaming and he’d be screaming even it didn’t hurt.

 

“Daryl?” Carol catches his eye and she sees something there. “Go on with your dad DJ, help him get Beau in the car.” 

 

Panic has started to set in and he is confused because kids break their arms all the time. Don’t they?

 

“He fell, he..” 

 

“He’s fine. Hey look at me,” Carol gets a hold of his chin, forces him to look at her. “We’re taking him to the E.R., DJ too. You okay?”

 

Backing away from her touch and rubbing his face he nods. 

 

“Yeah, yeah.. shoulda made ‘em get down.” Daryl mumbles.

 

“I heard you both telling them too. Stubborn is what they are. He’ll be fine.” She’s smiling but it’s strained and of course, it is. Her kid is hurt. No matter how many times kids break their arms, this kid is hers. His. Theirs.

 

_ Loving people hurts. _

 

“Go on. ‘M okay.” But not fine. Not even close. Something is seriously wrong with a man who can’t save a kid, who can’t tell the woman he loves to stay where she belongs because he needs her, wants her, he’s gotta protect her.. he’s gotta-

 

He goes up to the apartment. Washes his hands. He takes a couple of deep breaths and pats his pocket, checking for his phone. He carried a phone on him at all times when he left so Merle could call and let him know how DJ was doing. Merle will call. He always calls.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the toaster and before he even stops to really think about the fact that a toaster, a fucking toaster is offending him with its very existence, he picks it up and throws it against the wall. Like he wanted to. Then he goes to the cupboard over the stove and pulls out the bottle of whiskey there. Screwing off the cap he takes a couple of big swallows, puts the cap back on and grabs his keys. Taking the stairs two at a time he finds his bike parked in the shop and fires it to life. Rolling out of the garage he backs it up and heads for the road, doing the only thing he knows how to do.

 

Leave.

 

He tucks the whiskey bottle into a saddle bag and puts on his helmet at the end of the driveway and rides off opposite the direction of town, past the Greene farm and down roads where the trees grow tall and tunnel-like. Disregarding the speed limit he opens the throttle wide. The need to go fast is the only thing on his mind right now. 

 

Go fast and forget what’s going on behind him.

 

Rounding a turn the sun suddenly breaks through the trees and its glare is disorienting. He slows down but not soon enough. His back tire hits the soft dirt of the shoulder and the bike swerves. 

 

Adrenaline kicks in as Daryl struggles to regain control of the bike. That isn’t happening though and the only option is to try and lay it down to avoid anything worse. He feels it when his leg makes contact with the asphalt. A pain like fire shoots up his leg and explodes in his head with a blinding whiteness. The bike is down but continues to slide a few feet dragging him with it, his left leg pinned beneath it. Once it stops he jerks the helmet off before leaning over and heaving up whiskey and bagel, the only things he had in his stomach.

 

He tries to take a few deep breaths but the pain is making that almost impossible. Reaching down he lifts the bike enough to slide his leg out from under it. Hissing through his teeth he bends and stretches it and it hurts like hell but he can move it. 

 

“Fuck!” His jeans are shredded from just about mid-thigh to right below the knee. It’s road rash. Just how bad he’s not sure. His left hand is throbbing too. He feels his stomach heave again and he leans over and lays back in the grass. The nausea subsides a little. But he’s dizzy and seeing spots.

 

He hears an engine, a car coming from somewhere. Closing his eyes he wills the pain to let up, just a little, enough for him to figure out what he’s gonna do. Because he has no fucking clue. The car he heard must’ve slowed down because he hears tires in the gravel behind him. 

 

“Daryl, hey Daryl? Carl, get the first aid kit.” He knows that voice. Cracking open an eye he sees the Sheriff, at least he thinks it’s the Sheriff. He’s not in a uniform and there’s a skinny dark-haired kid standing next to him.

 

“Rick?” 

  
  


****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I am sorry.. kind of. Cliffhangers, those nasty beasts! And yes I know a lot of problems could have been avoided if they’d just done one thing. Talk. But who does that? For the record, they were going to, on that long ride. But… leave a note! Don’t scream… Please! Thank you again and again for letting me tell this story!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Last week I apologized for the direction this story went and really there is no need for that. It’s a story and it goes where it goes. I won’t retract that apology because I did feel a little bad for the cliffhanger, but I‘m not sorry, for any of it. If I can make you feel one thing, one little thing then I have accomplished my mission. And come on, you’re enjoying it! And you are all so incredibly cool! Thank you!**

****  


Beth takes her lunch across the street to the park and finds a shady spot under a tree not far from where she and Daryl had their little picnic. She vaguely remembers him trying to wake her up this morning but she’d had trouble sleeping and was exhausted. She’s still pretty tired and is looking forward to going home to him.

 

Home.

 

And she’s also looking forward to their weekend.

 

A text notification pops up on her phone from Carol.

 

_‘Beau fell out of the treehouse and broke his arm, he’s gonna be fine, but Daryl_

_seems upset- check on him please.’_

 

The sunny afternoon disappears and she’s left sitting on the blanket her hands shaking as she responds with a quick _‘ok’_ and immediately calls Daryl’s phone. She gets his voicemail though. The standard greeting in a computerized voice, not even his voice.

 

She’s still sitting there with her phone in her hands when it rings, Daryl’s name flashing across the screen.

 

“Daryl?”

 

“Hey Beth, it’s Rick- Daryl’s been in an accident, laid his bike down-”

 

“What? Where is he? Is he ok? Rick-” She feels adrenaline kick in and is already up on her knees ready to go.

 

“He’s okay Beth, he’s banged up and a little out of it but he’s okay. I’m taking him to the E.R. right now, can you meet us there?” RIck’s voice should be comforting, his words calming but they aren’t.

 

“Yes, yes I’ll leave now! Can I, I want to talk to him.” She has to hear his voice. Just hear him.

 

“Sure, Daryl?” There’s rustling and then she hears him and immediately she’s crying. Relief, fear, and a million other things she can’t even name swirl around her head and heart like a tornado.

 

“Daryl?”

 

“ ‘M fine, ‘s okay Beth.”

 

“Were you- Daryl what happened?” She cuts herself off before she says the first thing she thought of. Leaving. But now’s not the time.

 

“I was jus’ going’ for a ride-” She’s pretty sure he knows what she wanted to say and his excuse about going for a ride? It’s weak. But she isn’t going to ask anything else of him. She can hear him breathing through the phone and that means everything.

 

“It’s okay, it’s- I’m coming.” Swallowing she takes a deep breath.

 

“Alright. I need you.” The accent, that Southern boy drawl disappears and all she hears is the need and this ties her heart in knots.

 

“I’ll be there.” She listens again to his breathing then ends the call.

 

Olivia waved her out the door the minute she walked in. The Sheriff had already called the library looking for her. Now she’s walking through the doors of the E.R. and just this alone is exhausting. Hospitals, doctors, illness, injuries. Her life seems like it’s been filled with this. ANd not just lately. Her mama too is here in the hurt.

 

Merle and DJ are sitting in the waiting room and DJ looks up and sees her.

 

“Beth!” Merle turns and smiles at her following DJ who’s running over to her.

 

“Hey Beth, ya didn’t have ta come down here!” Merle says as he walks up to her. His smile falters though and it’s probably due to the expression on her face.

 

“I’m not here-” They both turn as DJ takes off running again, away from them.

 

Beth sees him coming through the E.R. doors, the ones she just walked through barely minutes before. Daryl. He’s hobbling in, leaning on Rick. Of course, he wouldn’t use a wheelchair. He’s too stubborn. But he’s there and he’s alive. Her eyes take in the torn jeans and the blood. There’s so much blood. His leg, his arm…

 

He stops when he sees her, glances down at DJ who’s reaching out for him. She watches as he takes his nephew's hand and looks back up at Beth with those blue eyes that never seem to be the same color twice and if she ever had to live in a world where they weren’t looking back at her, it just wouldn’t be worth living.

 

“Daryl?” She’s at his side in less than a second trying to see everything at once and not break eye contact.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Rick convinced Daryl to let him take him to the E.R. and Daryl didn’t even try and argue. It’s road rash and it isn’t horribly bad but it hurts and it needs to be cleaned up.

 

And after hearing Beth’s voice on the phone he did it because it’s what she wants him to do. She was fucking crying, he heard it. All he wants is to see her, let her see him, see for herself that he’s really okay.

 

“I gotta ask, you been drinking?” Rick’s voice pulls him out of his head.

 

“Ya gonna haul my ass in?” Rick looks at him pointedly. “I had a couple shots. Ain’t drunk.” _Got too much ta live for. Got a girl, a family,_ he thinks.

 

“I found the bottle,” Rick says, “ couple of shots of whiskey, taking off on a bike- I’ve been there. Just switch the bike for a truck. Sometimes we need to let off a little steam.”

 

Daryl grunts in response leaning his head back on the seat. Maybe Rick can sympathize, but he isn’t giving the other man any details.

 

“And I know you’re not drunk,” Rick adds.

 

“Wait! Beth Greene is your girlfriend?” Carl pipes up from the back seat. Daryl turns and glares at the kid but Rick’s chuckling.

 

“Beth babysat for Carl a couple of times. He kinda had a little crush.” This makes Daryl smile- but then he thinks of Beau and his crush on ‘our Beth’ and that broken arm and it doesn’t feel so good anymore.

 

“Yeah, she is,” Daryl says.

 

“Man! She’s pretty and nice. She works at the library huh? I saw her when Michonne took Judith to hear a story or something. Does she still babysit?”

 

“You’re too old for a babysitter Carl.” Rick sighs.

 

“Judith isn’t.”

 

“She babysits my nephews sometimes,” Daryl says. Stretching his leg he sucks in a breath as the dried blood and his jeans pull at the wound.

 

“Does it hurt bad?” Carl asks hanging over the back seat.

 

“Hurts like a bitch!” Daryl growls.

 

“You’re tough. I’d be bawling like a baby right now if I was you.” Daryl sees admiration in the kid's eyes. He's not used to this, it’s weird and he still feels like he wants to puke and maybe even bawl like a baby too. But he won’t. Not in front of them.

 

“Damn good thing we were heading out to the river-” RIck starts.

 

“Fishing?” Daryl asks.

 

“Yeah, Carl and I try and go at least once a month.”

 

The talk turns to fishing and Merle’s pond and his nephews and somehow he agrees to go out with Rick and Carl one day. This seems to please Carl and again Daryl feels that odd sensation of having someone else want him around. Making friends. With a cop no less. And his kid. Maybe he did hit his head.

 

They pull into the parking lot of the E.R., a place that has all sorts of painful memories that he keeps having to face. Maybe one day they won’t be so hard to think about.

 

Right now he’s having a little anxiety and a whole lot of desire pertaining to a beautiful little blonde he knows he’s about to see.

 

“Let me just grab a wheelchair-”

 

“Nah, I’m good,” Daryl says standing up and trying not to groan because his leg feels like it’s on fire.

 

“Daryl…” But the look he shoots at Rick seems to shut him up and the other man comes up beside him and walks with him towards the doors.

 

Heading into the E.R. the pain kicks in and Daryl’s leaning on Rick. It’s pretty intense and it’s making him lightheaded and cold. It’s possible he’s feeling a little bit of shock. He’s familiar with the symptoms, figured that was what was happening on the side of the road with the nausea and dizziness, but he managed to talk himself down.

 

He’s been taking care of himself and his injuries all of his life. He’s learned the hard way, but he’s managed, he’s always managed.

 

The smell is the first thing to hit him but it's not the punch to the gut that it usually is and maybe that has a lot to do with the fact that he’s recently spent so much time dealing with doctors and hospitals and procedures. Some good and some bad.

 

He’s used to it. He’s dealing with it. He’s learning.

 

Raising his head as he makes his way in still holding on to Rick he sees her. She’s there just across the lobby standing with Merle and DJ. It’s a small town. Of course, they’d end up in the same E.R. He hasn’t figured out if that’s a blessing or a curse yet.

 

And Beau is somewhere in here with a broken arm.

 

 _‘It’s not your fault’._ That’s her voice whispering in his head. He knows it’s not his fault- he just doesn’t like it, that he can’t protect them all. All the people he loves.

 

He sees DJ running towards him out of his peripheral vision but he can’t look away from her. He imagines himself running to her, letting her touch him reassure her that he’s okay, he’s fine- because she looks scared, her ivory skin is pale and it’s all because he was being stupid.

 

The thing is she’ll probably say she understands.

 

He doesn’t have to run like he imagined himself doing, he doesn’t have to move at all. Glancing down at DJ he takes the little boys outstretched hand and when he looks back up she’s there, blue eyes shining with tears, bottom lip quivering.

 

“Daryl?” With his other hand, he reaches for her, then lets go of DJ and pulls her close.

 

“ ‘M okay, ‘s okay Beth,” he breathes into her hair as he holds onto her.

 

“You’re not! You’re bleeding! You’re hurt, you’re…” she chokes on her words and he isn’t sure what to do.

 

Suddenly they’re surrounded, there’s a guy in scrubs pushing a gurney, followed by Rick. Merle’s made his way over and he’s asking all kinds of questions. DJ is still standing close enough to touch him, his hand resting on Daryl’s side and Beth… she hasn’t let go of him and she looks like she’s about to start crying at any second.

 

It’s too much. He’s still light headed and hurting more so than he was in the truck. Shifting a little against Beth, she immediately looks at him and a sudden resolve settles on her face and she takes his arm.

 

“Lay down Daryl.” He doesn’t even think of arguing with her, just does what she says because he is hurting. And he’s overwhelmed with all of it. The man in scrubs introduces himself and helps Daryl lift his injured leg up on the gurney, props his arm on a pillow. He lays back and closes his eyes and he can hear her talking quietly to Merle something about talking to Rick and a text from Carol. Then Merle tells Beth to go with Daryl, he’ll handle the registration.

 

He feels the pressure of a small hand on his bicep. Peeking through his lashes he sees DJ, his eyes wide in his small face.

 

“You said you weren’t leaving.” It’s not exactly accusatory, but there’s a question in there, full of a bunch of emotions.

 

“Wasn’t leaving, jus’ going for a ride.” It’s true. It was a knee-jerk reaction and even if the wreck hadn’t stopped him he would’ve turned around and come back. This is home.

 

“Promise?” Someone else who doesn’t to lose him. Someone else who wants him around, wants him to stay.

 

“I promise boy-” Another flurry of activity and he feels the bed begin to move, hears talk of an exam room and he turns his head searching for Beth, he feels her hand slip into his as she walks beside him.

 

“DJ, come on boy, “ Merle calls from somewhere.

 

“Wait!” And then his nephew slips under Beth’s arm, leans in close and whispers,

 

“I love you, Uncle Daryl.” Daryl squeezes Beth’s hand tighter and closes his eyes.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth thinks the most painful part of the entire E.R visit, at least for Daryl was when the doctor says they’re going to have to cut off his jeans and they’ll send him home in a hospital gown. The expression on his face alone should’ve had the doctor running in fear but he’s an E.R. doctor and even in a small town he’s probably seen it all.

 

Beth is at a loss because she knows the pants need to come off so the wound can be examined and cleaned but she also knows Daryl won’t wear a hospital gown. He’ll probably walk out naked from the waist down first. Which isn’t happening either.

 

Luckily for Daryl, Rick is in the room with them and happens to have a pair of sweats in his truck, he heads out to get them and the doctor follows him.

 

“I ain’t got no shorts on,” Daryl mumbles.

 

“What?” She hears him but she just has to clarify.

 

“ ‘M commando girl!” She can’t help it she starts laughing and lays her head on his chest and then she’s crying. “Beth, shit, wha’…”

 

“I don't care about your underwear Daryl, I’m just... you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.” He’s just perfect, this man. Sitting up she wipes away her tears and reaches out and brushes the hair from his forehead. “I’m just-”

 

“Here is he is!” Merle comes in followed by the entire family and they crowd around Daryl. Beau’s got a bright orange cast and he comes right over to his uncle's side. His eyes are huge and he looks a little nervous. Beth kneels beside him and hugs him but he’s only got eyes for his Uncle.

 

“Ya okay Uncle Daryl?”

 

“Mmmhmm got a cool cast,” Daryl says looking at Beau’s arm as he holds it up.

 

“Yeah, I’s being stupid…”

 

“Reckless Beau, not stupid.” Carol admonishes.

 

“Yeah that. ‘M sorry.”

 

“Ain’t gotta apologize ta me.”

 

“I scared ya,” Beau says. Beth watches Daryl and waits for him to deny being scared. But he doesn’t. He looks at Beau long and hard.

 

“Ya did. Gotta be careful. I can’t take ya out and give ya a crossbow if ya ain’t gonna act responsible.”

 

“I am! I promise! Come on... I swear I ain’t gonna be stu- what mama said.” Daryl smiles at him, a gentle smile that’s probably softened by the shot of morphine he got when they first came into the exam room.

 

“Alright.” That seems to satisfy Beau.

  


The rest of the stay in the E.R. was easy thanks to the pain meds. And Beth feels like it was harder on her than him. She watched the doctor clean Daryl’s wounds and it was so painful. Even more so when he flinched or hissed because she knew it was hurting him and she couldn't do anything about it.

 

They discharged him with pain medication and antibiotics. He’s also given a big bag of bandages and dressing with strict orders to change them frequently and keep the wounded areas clean.

 

“It’s going to be pretty painful at first. Will you have help?” the doctor asks.

 

“I’ll be there,” Beth says glancing over at him. He gives her a small smile. Insignificant to anyone else, but between him and her that smile says everything. The sun is setting as they walk to the car, hands clasped between them, taking it slow for his sake.

 

Because no wheelchair.

 

He dozes on the way home but keeps one hand on her thigh as she drives. He gives it a gentle squeeze every once in a while and she wonders if that’s for her sake or his.

 

The stairs to the apartment prove to be a little more difficult than either of them assumed and when she offers to give him a piggyback ride he wraps his arms around her, rubs up against her and she can feel everything through his baggy sweats.

 

“I got something you can ride,” he growls in her ear.

 

“Let’s just get you upstairs Mister Dixon,” she says tucking herself under his arm so he can hold on to her while they slowly climb up the stairs. He wobbles a little and she wraps her arm tighter around his waist.

 

“Damn, ‘m kinda dizzy,” he mumbles.

 

“I got you, Daryl,” she says.

 

“Yeah, you do.” It’s quiet but she hears it, all of it. What he says and doesn’t say.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They’re stretched out on the bed kissing like it’s the last time they’re ever gonna kiss each other. The hospital was chaos and they didn’t have a minute to themselves so all they did was look at one another and Daryl is finding out it’s possible to have a conversation with just your eyes- it is. At least with Beth.

 

They’re alone now and he wants to kiss her and hold her and let her do the same because she needs it as much as he does. He can tell by the way she’s holding on to him. She’s also making him hard. It’s crazy because he’s hurting, it’s low key but he can feel it, especially in his arm because he’s moving it. But the pain, at least right now is nothing compared to how much he wants her. She’s being careful, so incredibly careful with him but every time she sighs or moves in a way that puts pressure on his cock he just wants to flip her over and grind himself into her.

 

Groaning as he tries to lift his leg Beth pushes away from him.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Everything hurts, but this, her here kissing him, being able to touch her and smell her soft sweet smell, that doesn’t hurt.

 

“Nah- you feel so good ‘s all.”  Sliding his hand into her hair he kisses her again, runs a hand down her back and over her hip pulling her in even closer.

 

“So do you Daryl.. but you need to rest, you’re hurt-”

 

“Hush- this helps.” He was lucky the bike and his body are only banged up and bruised. His ego on the other hand possibly took a bigger blow.

 

Right now nothing much is bothering him except the fact that Beth is still wearing clothes. His stomach is kind of queasy and he’s tired.

 

But he’s got his girl in his arms. And her laughter as he runs his fingers up and down her ribs is music.

 

“At least let me get you something to eat. You’re on a lot of pain meds.” She’s still pressed up against him and her hands have found their way under his t-shirt, her fingers are making everything she touches tingle.

 

“Wanna eat you…” he whispers huskily even though he’s well aware of the fact that if he tries to roll over or even sit up the room will spin and it’s gonna hurt like hell. A little food in his belly is probably a good idea.

 

“God Daryl! Stop- you’re teasing…” She means it but doesn’t mean it.

 

“Alright, alright, “ cupping her cheek in his hand he gazes at her, “ ‘m sorry-” She reaches between them and rests a hand on his chest.

 

“Don’t. Apologize. You were there when Beau fell out of the treehouse?” She gets it. And he knew she would. Nodding he shivers as she leans over and kisses his cheek.

 

“It’s not your fault Daryl.” She said it, that little voice that was in his head earlier is right here next to him whispering in his ear for real.

 

“Don’t like it,” he whispers back. It feels good to feel it, to say it, accept it. It sucks and it hurts. But it’s not his fault.

 

“I know baby.” Her breath is warm against his face.

 

Baby? That’s new. But it’s so good. She called him baby. She’s pressed up against him whispering love into his skin, smelling like all he ever wants to breathe in for the rest of his life.

 

“I wanna fuck you, Beth…” It’s a beautiful ache inside of him and maybe it has a little to do with the drugs in his system, but not completely. He groans as she rolls away.

 

“You can- but right now I’m getting you food.”

 

“Come back naked,” he calls after her as she leaves the room.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Walking into the kitchen Beth’s smile fades as she leans over on the counter and rests her forehead on her hands doing her best to stifle her sobs.

 

He could have been hurt so much worse.

 

He could’ve been...

 

Giving herself a minute, because she needs it, she lets herself feel it. Then she lets it go.

 

Pulling out the bagels and cream cheese she looks around for the toaster. It’s on the floor and it, like the wall next to it, has a huge dent in it. Kneeling beside it she picks it up gently like it’s some kind of precious relic.

 

“Oh, Daryl-” she whispers. She’s done. They have to talk about this. She’s been having the conversation in her head for days now. It’s time and she’s going to say it. Setting the broken toaster on the counter she grabs a couple of pieces of cold pizza and a water bottle and heads back into the bedroom.

 

Daryl’s asleep, his arm over his eyes, t-shirt still rucked up showing off the soft part of his belly and the line of dark hair that disappears under the waistband of his sweats. She stops in the doorway and watches him. The rise and fall of his chest, his hand moving on the comforter beside him, fingers curling and stretching.

 

Leaving the pizza and water on the bedside table she pulls her shirt over her head and lets it and her shorts fall to the floor followed by her bra. Turning off the light she lowers herself gently onto the bed and by some miracle, he doesn't even stir. Crawling up next to him she rests her hand on his warm belly, her head on his chest and lets his heartbeat reassure her and lull her to sleep.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s the sun that wakes Daryl up and he wants to curse it but he can’t. Beth and her damn fairytales. He doesn’t have it in him to mar the thing she’s some made theirs. So he a sucks breath between his teeth and tries to stretch without moving his leg. A hangover would be 100 times better than what he’s feeling right now. It’s not just the road rash, it’s his entire body. All the muscles feel like they’ve been put on a taffy puller and twisted into ugly spirals.

 

Beth raises up on the bed beside him and he doesn’t feel guilty for waking her up.

 

“You’re hurting.” He nods in agreement and she moves off of the bed and picks up the bag from the hospital. He hears the telltale sound of a pill bottle and then she’s back a with a water bottle and couple of white pills in her hand. “Here take these. And I’m making breakfast.” Swallowing the pills as she watches he moves his leg again.

 

“Gotta pee…”

 

“Okay, come on, Hold on to me.” She’s tiny next to him but she’s gonna be there for him. And he could probably do it himself, but her taking care of him makes it a little better. Hell, it makes it a whole lot better and he knows this is what she wants to do too.

 

He’s not protesting. Not at all. Ever.

 

He pees and she gets toothpaste on his toothbrush for him and even wipes his face with a washcloth. That’s when he notices she’s not wearing anything but a little pair of pink panties. How did he miss that? Standing there with his blue toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and staring at her she finally cues into to what’s going on.

 

“Oh!” Sweet laughter and a blush are all he gets and then she disappears only to return covered in a shirt. At least it’s his shirt. That’s kinda hot.

 

She settles him back in bed and it’s not long before he smells something good. Eggs and bacon and coffee. Carrying two plates into the room she sets them down and goes back for the coffee.

 

And blueberry bagels.

 

“We’re gonna have to get another toaster. It’s way too hot to makes these in the oven.” The toaster. Their toaster that he threw at the wall. If memory serves him well he did a little damage to the wall too.

 

“Yeah,” he says sheepishly. She doesn’t push it, just slides a bagel onto his plate and sits it on his lap. It’s quiet while they eat. She hands him his coffee when he wants a drink, goes for the rest of the bacon when she runs out and positions herself on the bed so that some part of her is always touching some part of him.

 

After eating he feels like a different person. His body still feels like he’s been in a fight with a bulldozer but his stomach is better and he’s clear-headed.

 

And he’s horny. That isn’t new though. What he was feeling the night before never really went away and he likes that. She takes their dishes to the kitchen and then comes back and lays down next him turning on her side so she’s looking right into his eyes. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, she’s got something on her mind. And it’s probably not sex.

 

“Daryl, we’ve got to talk…” she says evenly.

 

Talk. Oh, talk.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“I, I want to know what you think, about the loft. About me moving..”

 

“Don’ matter wha’ I think.”

 

“It does matter. What you think and feel, it matters.”

 

“Don’ want ya thinking ya got do anything- jus’ fer me.“

 

“But it is for you. And it’s for me, it’s for us. Listen to my heart, that’s what I was told and I am but part of my heart is with you... it’s with-“

 

“Wha’s yer heart telling ya girl?”

 

“You gonna tell me what you think if I tell you?” If it’s that important to her and it seems to be, then he’s just gonna have to tell her. What he wants what he thinks about… how she’s what makes his place a home. How she fills it up with everything he needs.

 

Her.

 

“Yeah. I will… so wha’s yer heart saying?” She looks almost afraid to tell him. Maybe it’s bad, maybe she wants to go out on her own, maybe...

 

“Don’t go. My heart is saying… don’t go.”  He lets a breath go he didn’t even realize he was holding. Two words. That’s all it takes to change everything. But she’s still looking up at him and she still looks scared or nervous or…

 

She’s waiting. For him.

 

Reaching out his bandaged arm he slides his fingers in her hair runs his thumb along her jaw and imagines this all the time, forever.

 

“When I brought ya up here, the first time, ya said I needed to fill it up, make it mine. I did. With you. You made it a home.” Her eyes are sparkling with tears and he feels a tightening in his throat, swallowing hard he does his best to get rid of it. “Then ya wanted ta leave and I didn’t want that, didn’t know how ta tell ya and I thought maybe it was what ya needed.”

 

“Daryl…”

 

“I don’t want ya ta go,” he brushes his thumb over the plump of her cheek, under her eye, catching the tears, “I love ya Beth. This is yer home, our home. Tha’s what I think.”

 

She looks like she’s got things to say, a lot of things knowing his girl. But she has mercy on him and kisses him instead. They could’ve saved themselves a bunch of heartache if they’d done things differently. Especially him. But it’s new and they’re learning. Together.

 

Breathing against her mouth he whispers the things he thought and wished and wanted.

 

“Wanna fall asleep with ya and wake up with ya… wanna listen ta ya sing and go shopping…”

 

“Buy a toaster?” she asks and it turns into a moan as he slips his hand under her shirt and cups a breast, kneading it in his hand.

 

“Buy ya whatever ya want, give ya everythin’ Beth.” He’s pulling at her shirt, his shirt trying to get it off of her.

 

“I just want you…” She can bring him to his knees every when he’s laying down.

 

“I was wantin’ ya all night…”

 

“I’m talking about forever,” she says sitting up and pulling the t-shirt over her head. She moves to take off her panties and he reaches for her arm, stills her hand.

 

“Leave ‘em,” he says his voice thick with desire. She looks over at him, lips slightly parted, eyes wide and nods. He sits up and scoots back against the headboard and tugs his shirt over his head, taking it slow with his bandaged arm. He hears the drawer on the bedside table and smiles as he watches her grab a condom.

 

Moving up beside him she tentatively reaches for the waistband of his sweatpants.

 

“Let me help?” she questions.

 

“Gonna half too,” he says lifting up a little so she can slide the sweats down. Kneeling beside him she eases them over the gauze wrap and bandages on his leg. She’s gentle, takes her time and he appreciates that he really does but it’s driving him crazy. Her soft skin, the way her hair is falling out of the messy bun she tried to tuck it into earlier, he wants her so bad. Her knee bumps his leg and he hisses at the sharp pain. Her eyes dart to his, full of concern.

 

“Daryl we can’t-”

 

“Com’ere.” They can. They will. Easing his legs apart he guides her between them until she’s kneeling there and he reaches for the condom she left lying on the pillow next to him. Tearing it open he slides it on, glancing up at her where she’s watching, pink tongue caught between her teeth, pupils blown wide with desire. When she reaches for her panties again he grabs her hand and shakes his head smiling at her confusion. “Jus’ get up here.”

 

Straddling his lap she shivers as his cock bumps against her pussy and he feels it. Her body is so alive in his arms. Sliding his hands over her shoulders and down her back, cupping her behind he pulls her close to him and tongues the hollow in her neck where her delicate collar bones meet. She’s whispering his name and he mouths hers against her skin. _Beth, I love you girl, love you so much..._

 

His girl, his beautiful girl isn’t gonna leave. She wants to stay.

 

She’s running her hands up his arms, fingers tangling in his hair she pulls his head to her breast and he won’t deny her anything. Leaning over he traces a hard nipple with his tongue and covers it with his mouth, sucking softly and feeling her body respond.

 

Something about the thought of this, fucking her while she’s still wearing her panties makes him even harder. He cups her mound and she arches against him, grinding into his hand making it slick with her juices. His fingers find an elastic edge and he pulls the soaked crotch aside. Shifting his hips a little he lines himself up between the swollen lips of her pussy. She reaches down takes a hold of him, and uses him on herself, rubbing the head of his cock against her clit she whimpers.

 

“Girl, com’on…. please…” It’s so fucking good but it could be better.

 

“You begging now Mr. Dixon?” Mischievous little thing, playing with him, teasing him. Turnabout is fair play. But…

 

“Hell yeah… please, Beth, let me fuck you, I wanna be inside-” Lowering herself down, taking all over him her head falls against his shoulder as he grabs her ass, digging his finger into the tender flesh.

 

“Fast, I need-” he growls.

 

“Your leg-” she’s breathless above him, legs tense against his thighs.

 

“ ‘S alright.. it’s-” She moves, up and then back down and he helps, holding onto her, matching her rhythm as he does his best to thrust his hips up to meet her. There’s a low burn from his bandaged thigh but even that just adds to his pleasure as she wraps her arms around his neck and rides him whispering his name and then,

 

“Baby, I love you so... “ His hips snap as his orgasm rolls through him. She grinds down on his lap shuddering, her pussy pulsing and he can feel it, feel her. And neither of them is any good for the other to hold onto. They’re both falling.

 

Leaning back against the headboard he cradles her in his arms, buries his face in her hair and tries to catch his breath. He feels her small hands on his neck and shoulders, then she’s smoothing the hair from his face and kissing his forehead, eyelids, cheeks. Laughing softly she runs a thumb over his eyebrows.

 

“You’re so good Daryl… promise me you’ll remember that.” He feels the heat on his cheeks, it’s never gonna stop, the way she makes him feel. He doubts very much that he’s done making stupid choices, but she believes in him and she’s making him believe in himself too.

 

He can’t be all that bad, he’s got her. She loves him.

 

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **They talked and they loved and all is right with the world… for now! Please leave a note and let me know what you thought!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We’re moving forward and seeing that life goes on… last week's chapter may have felt like an ending and it was I suppose but the story isn’t over. We have a little ways to go and a few more things to learn. Thank you to all of you! I appreciate all the love and support!**

 

 

Closing the door behind him Daryl looks around at what he can see of the little apartment. It’s not the same place it was two months ago, not the same place at all.

 

It’s better.

 

It’s definitely still something their both getting used to. He’s probably more settled than she is for a number of reasons. She brought her things from the farm, a desk, and a bookshelf, a little-winged chair she calls her reading chair, her books, and clothes and a mysterious collection of bottles and jars that fill up the bathroom counter.

 

But she left a lot behind too. Put it all away. Some of it in the attic of her childhood home and some of it, the memories, he thinks she’s just hiding those somewhere in the back of her heart. It’s hard to let go of the past even when it hurts. Daryl knows that for a fact.

 

They found a couch at a second-hand store in a little town they stopped off in when they took a ride one weekend. It was big and bulky and covered in blue denim but she fell in love with it, said it reminded her of his eyes on the day they met. Of course, he couldn’t tell her no. They had to go back for it with Merle’s truck. And they hauled it up the stairs themselves, her laughing and him groaning. 

 

Kicking off his boots by the door he tosses his vest over the back of the couch and heads into the kitchen. It’s Beth’s late night. She has a class at the college so they’re doing a crockpot dinner. Daryl secretly loves the crockpot. When Carol had used it a few times he was in awe of the fact that you could put stuff in it and let it simmer all day and come home to hot food.

 

Once he’s satisfied he did what Beth told him to do, he hurries to shower before she gets home.

 

He’s standing in the living room towel drying his hair when she walks in. And he can tell by the expression on her face that something isn’t right. It makes him think of a wilted flower. She sets her bag on the floor and pulls her shirt off then her leggings and crawls onto the couch in just her bra and panties. Tossing his towel aside he joins her pulling a blanket over them.

 

“Whas’ goin’ on?” Their lying face to face but she’s curled up around herself. It’s a defensive mechanism he’s all to familiar with. Nudging her legs gently with his knee and sliding a hand up under her arms he gets her to uncurl herself and wrap herself around him instead. She sighs and he kisses the crown of her head.

 

“That’s better,” she says softly. He waits, gives her a minute before he presses again. They’ve done this before, stripped down to nothing and hid under a blanket breathing in each other and letting go of whatever it is that’s bringing them down. It’s not something they consciously decide to do. It just happens.

 

It happened the first time right after she’d moved all of her things in. Maggie and Glenn had come over and helped. Even Rick and Carl showed up. And of course, his family are in and out of their place all the time. They have however learned to knock and not peek in the window. But her daddy never came over.

 

She tried to be nonchalant about it when Carol asked if Hershel had come to see the apartment. But Daryl could tell by her body language that it was bothering her. Later that night after taking out the trash he found her on the couch, hair still damp from her shower. He hadn’t been sure that night why he did it, pulled off his jeans and t-shirt before lying down with her. It just seemed right. So it became a thing they’d do.

 

Like now.

 

“Ya wanna tell me?” 

 

“I went to the farm.” He feels his stomach clench. It’s not like they haven’t been over there. But he’s always with her and Shawn never comes out. As far as they both know her brother’s been doing what he’s required to, attending anger management classes and participating in a counseling program for alcohol addiction.

 

“I woulda went with-”

 

“I know Daryl, I just, I was feeling sad-” She’s touching his face now, running her finger along his cheekbone, back and forth. In any other scenario it would be soothing, might even put him to sleep, like she plays with his hair sometimes.

 

“Homesick?” He doesn’t like the way it feels to say that. Because she’s here with him now and this is home.

 

“Maybe for the past, can’t change it though… I don’t wanna be anywhere but here Daryl. With you. I wanted to know why he hasn’t come by, just to see for himself I’m okay I guess, I don’t know.” She won’t give up. On any of them, And he even told her she shouldn’t and maybe that’s still true but she might not ever get what she’s hoping for and that’s hurting him almost as much as it is her.

 

“Think he’s starting to see how strong ya are…” It’s weak, he knows this even as he says it. But he really isn’t sure what to say. 

 

“But I still wanna know he cares, I still… I might never get that, at least the way I want it…” She’s figuring things out and he’s just laying here hoping that when she needs this kind of comfort he’ll always be the one she comes too. 

 

“Might not,” he can’t lie not to her, not even to make her feel better. “Wha’ happened?”

 

“The house was dark. I didn’t even knock,” she says.

 

“Knock? It’s yer house, coulda walked in…” But even as he says it he realizes she won’t just walk in. Not right now. As fucked up as this all is he’s at least thankful for that. “Next time let me know yer going, or take me with ya.” Even though he’s a little uncomfortable telling her what to do, he’s going to. She’s looking across the tiny expanse between them, so close he can feel her warm breath and she’s nodding. And smiling a little like maybe just this made her feel better.

 

“Daryl?” The tone of her voice amuses him, hell all of it amuses him, that she’s here, that she loves him, that she shares things with him and trusts him enough to ask what he thinks and feels. But most of all, that it matters, everything he does and says, thinks and feels. It matters to her.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Promise me you’ll always get naked and lay with me, right here on this couch when the world is being mean and ugly?” He feels her thigh slip between his legs, soft and silky as she moves it up and down. “Can you?” She’s teasing him now, with her leg and her smile and her finger tracing his face.

 

“Think I can do that,” he says huskily lowering his face into the crook of her neck. Her hair tickles his nose and her body, her scent, the way she moves, it’s all so familiar now. His beautiful girl… he’s been down this road before, he knows that some things are out of his control as much as he fucking hates it. 

 

But he can love her. And he does so fucking much that it hurts.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Going out to the farm was impulsive and ridiculous. And then not even having the guts to follow through… 

 

The reason she didn’t follow through is right here next to here, his breath hot on her neck and his hands sliding up and down her body like he can’t get enough. And he’s the reason she drove away without even getting out of her car.

 

If anything had happened. Anything… His face when she told him and the tension in his body she knows damn well is from holding back so much of that he wanted to do and say. He loves her like she’s everything and that is overwhelming. It’s scary sometimes. 

 

But she doesn’t ever want it to end.

 

Running her fingers through his hair and kissing his temple, his cheek, his warm mouth, she whispers against his lips,

 

“I’m sorry Daryl…” 

 

“Don’...” his rough fingers are dancing over her shoulder, sliding her bra strap down and cupping her breast, “ jus’ let me know next time.”

 

“There won’t… god Daryl.. be a next time.” Her father loves her. She’s sure of that. And that will have to be enough.

 

Hooking a finger into the elastic of her panties he raises up and it makes her shiver looking up at him. He asking without saying anything.

 

“Take them off…” sighs. And he does.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“It smells like Halloween!” Beau exclaims.

 

“Keep yer voice down boy!” Daryl hisses and he hears a huff from DJ that hitches at his heart. The boy is so much like him. 

 

They’d come over last night and asked Daryl if he could go out with them this evening. They’d been practicing tracking and seemed to enjoy it. For different reasons. Beau just liked going out into the woods and carrying his small crossbow over his shoulder like his uncle. He was a deadshot when they set up targets in the yard. Never missed a mark. But he stomped around the woods like he’d just walked into a party and wanted everyone to know he’d arrived.

 

DJ, on the other hand, was like a cat. He learned quickly how to walk lightly and leave as little evidence as possible that he’d passed by. He’s also good at hitting marks on the fly. They decide on a tree in advance and then when Daryl gives the signal they stop and let their bolts go. He’s intuitive. He senses Daryl’s cues and never hesitates to follow them. He’ll be a fine hunter one day. 

 

If.

 

He’s got a soft heart. It’s hard for him to shoot just to kill. But he’s learning and he reminds Daryl so much of himself. He’s gotten a little taller in just the past two months. Both boys have grown but somehow it’s more evident with DJ. Daryl kept his promise and showed him a couple of self-defense moves and how to throw a punch but made DJ promise not to use his fists unless he absolutely has too. And that seemed to give him a little more self-confidence. He was excited about going off to the third grade on the first day of school. Which had Carol in tears because this hasn’t happened before.

 

And so far Merle and Carol haven’t got a call home. Which is huge. 

 

Beau’s right, it smells like Halloween. Summer is holding on but not for long. The leaves are beginning to change and the light is different. Probably some scientific explanation that could explain it better but Daryl just goes with what he knows and can see. 

 

Things are changing.

 

A rustle in the bushes ahead has them all frozen on the little trail they’ve started to wear into the grass. His heart can’t help but swell a little as he watches his nephews raise their small bows and pay attention. 

 

He sees it before they do, a big fat cottontail. He doesn’t say a word, lets them take over. DJ makes a little sound, a soft cluck and when Beau glances over he nods to his brother. DJ could’ve had it. It would have been a simple kill for him. But Daryl isn’t surprised he didn’t take it, passed it on to his brother. What is surprising is Beau hitting his mark. Dead on.

 

“Yes! I did it! Didja see Uncle Daryl!” His voice rings through the woods. The birds roosting in the trees take flight and every other creature in the vicinity has probably run off or hidden. 

 

“Sure did boy.. good job!” It was a lucky shot. It took skill but Beau wouldn’t have had a chance without DJ. Daryl won’t say any of that. DJ gave him this and he looks as proud as if he’d taken the shot himself.

 

Daryl notices the way his nephew's scar moves as he smiles at his brother. It scrunches up into his scalp, disappears into his hair. He doesn’t look away, finds that lately, it doesn’t hurt as much to look at that scar full on. It doesn't feel exactly good, but it’s getting better.

 

Things are definitely changing.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth celebrated Beau’s kill like she was one of the happy hunters but she’d be lying to herself if she believed for one minute looking down at the lifeless bunny didn’t break her heart more than anything else. She kind of sensed that in the way DJ was acting too.

 

Responsible hunters use their kill, all of it. And tonight Beth is lucky enough to be right there beside the boys as they get another lesson in skinning a rabbit. She’s also going to be the one to make a stew with it. Obviously, the whole family gets to be involved in teaching DJ and Beau how to hunt.

 

“Ya good?” Daryl asks. She’s standing beside him at the bench in the back of the shop designated just for this activity.

 

“I’m fine.” She is. There’s very little blood involved and the skin just seems to slip off of the little animal. She does turn her head just a bit when Daryl guides Beau’s hand with the knife needed to remove the head and feet. DJ backs off a little too and they share a thin smile.

 

Merle walks in when they’re cleaning up and praises both boys. Beau is still over the moon that he actually made a kill but he’s not so selfish that he takes all the credit.

 

“It was teamwork dad! Me and DJ! Jus’ like you an Uncle Daryl!” They all laugh because getting sentimental is definitely not acceptable man behavior. But Beth has no problem sniffling as she smiles and Daryl’s hand rubbing circles on the small of her back let her know that he gets it.

 

Merle hands Daryl a beer and then he helps the boys ‘clean up’ a foot they plan to present to Sophia who got out of all the festivities because she has algebra. Beth imagines the algebra was an excuse to hide in her room and avoid this ‘grossness’. 

 

Beth doesn’t have a choice, actually she does but she’s here for the boys and Daryl and tomorrow night when she’s cooking up a tasty stew with Carol she’ll appreciate it even more.

 

And it’s not only that. It’s this, all of it. Being here, finding a sort of peace that’s been missing for a long time. She used to think she couldn’t have this with them, the Dixon’s were her friends, not her family. But that’s changed now. They are like family. Not even like, they are family.

 

And Daryl, he’s everything.

  
  


****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Just a little time hop.. and some sweet stuff. Cause we all love the sweet stuff! And it’s probably the smallest chapter I have ever written! There’s a reason though… Please let me know what you think!!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **There’s a lot going on… I think you’ll like it. I hope you will! ;) Thank you for being a part of this! I appreciate every single one of you!!**

 

 

“Daddy hasn’t even come over to see me, is it silly of me to feel bad about that?”

 

Beth is sitting cross-legged on Maggie's living room floor. They’ve got boxes of photos, sweet tea, their mama’s favorite recipe and they’ve been crying and talking for hours. It’s been cathartic. This is the first time they’ve done this, remember their mama. And it’s something Beth has wanted for years now.

 

“He hasn’t come by here yet either. But he calls and I’ve gone out to the house a couple of times.”

 

“He calls me too. And Daryl and I have gone out there. But… “ It’s not the same. And it hurts.

 

“Neither of them have been into the office for weeks now. Daddy’s not even going out on calls. We got a vet from Athens who's filling in for the time being. And I’ve been covering the office stuff...” Sighing Maggie takes a sip of her tea.

 

“I have more free time now Mags- I can help.” Story hour dropped down to two days a week and her hours vary for her other position. She’s focusing on school as much as she can. But she’ll make time for Maggie. This is what they do, what family does. Even if for now it’s just her and Maggie.

 

“You’re going to school, that’s more important.”

 

“The family business is important! I got all three scholarships I applied for and my college fund.” And a boyfriend who refuses to take anything from her because having her with him is all that matters to him. She manages to sneak in groceries and all her toiletries or at least she tries. He has made a couple of comments about things magically appearing out of nowhere. Like his favorite beer and all kinds of bagels that he’s become quite fond of.

 

“Well, I might have to take you up on that.” Maggie's smiles.

 

It’s good hanging out like this. Maggie and Glenn’s apartment is adorable. Hardwood floors and big windows, it has the charm that old homes have and they’ve filled it up with second-hand store buys and garage sale finds.

 

“Someone moved into the loft. An older guy and his cat. He seems nice.”

 

“Oh yeah? Well, I’m glad it didn’t stay vacant,” Beth says nonchalantly.

 

“Come on! You wanted to be with Daryl all along didn’t you?” Beth can feel her cheeks heating up. She won’t even try to lie or beat around the bush because it’s the truth.

 

“I did,” she says softly. Of course, they had to figure it all out the hard way and thinking of the day Daryl crashed still makes her sick to her stomach.

 

“My sweet baby sister in love with a big bad biker.” Maggie chuckles.

 

“He’s not so bad, he’s- he’s where I belong.”

 

“That’s what matters.” It’s quiet as they shuffle through more of the photos. Pictures mama never got to put in albums that her daddy just stuck in the attic because it hurt too much too look. It still hurts but it’s supposed to.

 

“I love this one,” Beth holds up a family photo. Patricia or Otis took it, she can’t remember which one. What she does remember is the laughter. It’s one of the last pictures they took together before her mama was diagnosed as terminal. They’re sitting on the porch steps and Beth is squished in between her mama and daddy, blonde braids with little pink bows on the ends. Maggie is leaning on her daddy, arms around his neck and Shawn is making a funny face from where he’s standing beside their mama.

 

After that, the pictures are few and far between.

 

In this one, though they’re always gonna be happy.

 

“Keep it,” Maggie says, tears in her eyes. Again.

 

“But daddy-” He doesn’t even look at them. Why would he want it?

 

“Daddy put these in the attic. When he’s ready he knows where they are,” Maggie says stubbornly.

 

“What if he’s never ready?” Beth whispers and Maggie pauses for a minute before she looks over at her sister and shrugs her shoulders.

 

“I don’t know, but I don’t wanna be stuck anymore. I think you’re probably the only one who let yourself feel it. You were such a brave little girl, you cried because it hurt and you missed her. The rest of us, we kept it inside, buried it deep, while you were hurting- I wish I’d have been there for you, I wish-”

 

“Don’t. Let’s not live there anymore okay Maggie? Let’s just remember mama.” Laying her hand on her sisters she smiles.

 

“Time doesn’t make it any easier. I thought it was supposed too.”

 

“I think that grieving lasts forever,” Beth says gently glancing down at the photo in her lap. “Every time we see a picture, or something reminds us of her, it’s gonna hurt. But it will be good too. That’s how we’ll remember her. Cause I’m afraid of forgetting.” It can’t ever be over and done. Her mama’s memory can’t disappear completely.

 

“That’s what this is, the reason I brought these to my house. And we’re gonna do it again and again, okay? Promise we won’t forget!” Maggie wraps her in a hug and they’re both crying again and laughing some more. And it’s so much like when they were little.

 

“Remember this?” Maggie says suddenly holding out another photo. This one is of Shawn and Beth. He’s got her on his back and she’s missing her front teeth and smiling like a jack-lantern.

 

“I do. I fell off of Nellie, it was probably the tenth time. Shawn didn’t want me to cry so he told me I could practice on him.” Running her finger over their childhood faces she thinks to herself how she doesn’t want to lose him either.

 

“Did daddy tell you Amy’s been coming out once a week with the girls? I guess she’s gonna try staying a whole weekend. The girls miss their daddy.” Hershel had told her during one of their phone calls. Beth nods.

 

“I went out there the other night, but I didn’t go in. I couldn’t… I-” It’s a confession.

 

“Alone?” Maggie asks.

 

“Yeah, I know.. all I kept thinking was if something happened to me Daryl would.. he would be so hurt.”

 

“Did you tell him?”

 

“Mmmhmm. He didn’t like it.”

 

“Course he didn’t! I don’t either. We just don’t know.. we gotta be careful.” The weight of that is so heavy. Be careful of their big brother, the one who carried her piggyback for hours, the one who teased her mercilessly but who’d beat anyone up who dared look at her funny.

 

“I know we do.”

 

Before they know it the afternoon has turned into evening and Glenn comes in smelling like pizza. So they pack up the photos for another day, except for the two Beth sticks in her back pocket. Those are for her.

 

Before she leaves she makes Maggie promise to call her if she needs help. And they agree to have lunch later on that week.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s washing up in Rick’s kitchen. He’s spent the last two days helping Rick strip and refinish his hardwood floors.

 

“You need to give me a figure man,” Rick says setting two bottles of beer on the counter. Drying his hands on a paper towel Daryl turns to face him.

 

“Don’t feel right chargin’ ya- yer a friend,” Daryl says and as he says it he’s aware of the warm feeling in his chest. Friend. He hasn’t made a lot of friends in his life, hasn’t wanted or needed any friends. But he’s finding that lately, they’re just showing up, these people he calls friends.

 

“You’ve taken a lot of time to help me. That’s worth something.” Daryl shrugs. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Rick’s helped him out too. His bike is sitting at home in the shop because Rick had it towed after the wreck. And he showed up with Glenn and Maggie and helped move Beth’s furniture up to the apartment. They’ve grabbed beers after Rick’s shift at the station was over. Gone fishing.

 

He likes Rick. He wants to hang out with him, wants him and his kids in his life. For Daryl, that’s a pretty big deal.

 

“Okay fine, if you won’t take my money I got something else for you.” Pulling out his phone Rick taps the screen a couple of times and holds it out to Daryl. What Daryl sees on the screen is a white pickup.

 

“Whas’ this?”

 

“!989 Ford Ranger Extended Cab.” Daryl looks at him pointedly.

 

“I know that.”

 

“You can have it, said you were looking for a truck- nothing special. This is definitely nothing special but it runs and you can haul shit around in it and take the kids to school.”

 

“I can’t take this.” A truck- it’s too much. He can’t accept something like that.

 

“Yes, you can. It’s sitting in my parent’s garage and has been for years. They’re sick of it. You’d be doing me a favor.” Rick takes a big swallow of his beer and grins at Daryl.

 

“I don’t know man…”

 

“Daryl, I couldn’t have done these floors without you. And I kinda have a soft spot for that old truck. I’d like to give it to a friend rather than sell it to a stranger.”

 

A friend. There it is again. Doing favors for each other. Fishing, Hanging out.

 

“Yeah?” Daryl glances over at Rick.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Alright.”

  


He’s feeling pretty good when he walks into the apartment that evening. He’s got a truck and Abe called on the drive home with a _‘unique one of a kind job dude’_ , a metal spiral staircase that needs some work.

 

He’s got friends. Real friends. Which is weird, but he likes it. And the best thing, Beth’s waiting for him inside their apartment. Their. Apartment.

 

She’s sitting on the couch with the blanket over her legs. And he stops just inside the door, confused because she’s on the couch with the blanket but she’s sitting up and she’s dressed.

 

She’s also holding a couple of photos in her hands.

 

Their eyes meet. There’s a little curve to the corners of her lips. And he guesses that’s kind of a smile but her eyes tell a different story. He can tell she’s been crying. He stands there waiting unsure of his next move and wanting to get it right. She pats the couch beside her and he sits. His hand immediately reaching for hers.

 

“Got me a little confused here girl, thought we was ‘posed ta have our clothes off?” He murmurs. That gets a smile out of her and eases the knot in his chest.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing like that… my daddy called, he wants to have a family dinner on Sunday. And I don’t know what to do? What do I do Daryl?” He’s the person she comes to. And he’s still utterly in awe of that. She wants his advice and apparently his arms too because she’s pushing him back onto the couch and climbing into his lap, snuggling up against his chest.

 

“Dinner? An everybody’s gonna be there?” He feels her nod and tightens his arms around her. Everybody means Shawn and it means Hershel, who hasn’t even made an attempt to come see his daughters new home.

 

But it’s her family and he knows damn well she’s gonna keep trying. So.

 

“Whada ya wanna do Beth?”

 

“I have to go, I want to.. I just- how many times do we have to do this before we actually make any progress? I’m just so tired.”

 

“I know ya are… But-” Cause there’s a but in there.

 

“They’re my family.” He knew this was coming. And they don’t deserve it- her mercy. But he can’t tell her not to. He won’t. At least not yet.

 

“Then we’ll go,” he rubs his lips against her soft hair, breathes in the smell of her shampoo, “yer brother does or says anythin’ wrong, even looks like he’s gonna, I don’ give a fuck who's there, I’m gonna beat his ass.” He waits for her to protest or something but she doesn’t. She looks up at him, takes his face in her hands and kisses him.

 

“I love you.. you’re my best friend, always got my back…” He doesn’t hear anything else she’s whispering against his face except those two words. And they’re on repeat in his head. _‘Best friend’_. She calls him all kinds of things and he loves every single one of them, but this means something more.

 

Friend. It hurts like it hurt when she touched his scar like he wants it, needs it but he’s not used to it. It was the same way when Rick said it just not as overwhelming.

 

They decided they were friends a long time ago, back when they buried a bird. He didn’t think that anything could feel better than that.

 

Then he fell in love with his best friend.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

There was the couch, the blanket, and knowing that she could lay there and wait for him and he’d come home and hold her and she’d be okay. But she can’t curl up and hide every time her family breaks her heart.

 

So here they are. She didn’t crawl under the blanket, she sat back and waited for him. And she’s thinking his lap might be even better than the blanket. Almost. He took the pictures from her and he’s looking at them. She watches his face, wonders what he’s thinking. He might tell her, at least some of it.

 

“I was at Maggie’s. We were going through old photos,” she says.

 

“Thas’ good.” Remembering her mama, telling stories, holding onto memories, it’s something she’s wanted for a long time now. She told Daryl that and of course, he remembers.

 

“Yer mama was beautiful…” he murmurs against her cheek.

 

“She was.”   

 

“Twenty years huh?” Laughing she turns enough to slide her arm around his neck. Of course, he remembers that too.

 

“You got a problem with that Mr. Dixon?” she teases.

 

“Uh, uh.” He’s serious though and he’s not looking at the picture anymore. He’s looking at her. She cups his cheek and he leans into it.  He doesn’t say anything and that’s okay. She already knows what it meant, what he did say and what he can’t. Reaching for his hand she takes the other photo, the one of her and Shawn.

 

“This is my big brother, this is how I remember him. Not what he’s- I don’t understand it.”

He protected her but now he’s the one she's afraid of.

 

“We all look fer ways ta make the pain go away.” Daryl isn’t going to tell her Shawn’s gonna be okay, come back, be who he was. He won’t lie to her about what he thinks. And he’s probably not telling her everything- but he won’t sugar coat it.

 

“I just wish-,” What does she wish? That she didn’t care? That after all her brother has done she could finally turn her back on him? Maybe. “It’s stupid-”

 

“Ain’t stupid ta want yer brother back. Want him ta be who he should be. Coulda gave up on him a long time ago… ain’t in ya, ta give up. Always hoping for the best.” His smile is soft, one of her favorites. Especially when he’s talking like he is. The way he sees her... Sometimes he looks at her and she feels like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. She’s just a girl, nothing special. But he makes her feel like she’s so much more.

 

She feels a little self-conscious and like she might cry. So much for being strong. Squirming a little in his lap and struggling for something, anything to say she realizes it’s easy. Just say,

 

“Th-” Covering her mouth she laughs.

 

“Already gave ya a freebie… gonna have ta kiss me.” His breath is hot in her ear and he doesn’t have to ask twice, sliding her arms around his neck, she pulls him down and kisses him. But it doesn’t last long before she pulls back leaving him out of breath and reaching for her.

 

“I’m so sorry Daryl! I didn’t even ask how it went at Rick’s! Did you guys finish the floor?” His brow furrows and he shakes his head.

 

“Mmmhmm. Wouldn’t let him pay me though. So he gave me a truck.” He’s pushing his boots off and she does the same with her converse and moves out of his lap to curl up next to him.

 

“What?! A truck? Really?”

 

“Felt kinda weird taking it.” That doesn’t surprise her at all.

 

“You helped him out and he’s your friend…” She sees the change on his face, subtle. Sometimes Daryl is like a butterfly too, fighting his way out of the cocoon that was his old life.

 

“A sheriff and a biker, friends. Imagine that,” she teases gently.

 

He gets her on her back on the couch and holds her down and tickles her until she’s breathless and the only thing that saves her is her wanting to make good on the kiss she interrupted earlier.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Merle found a couple of old dirt bikes at an auction and brought them home. He and Daryl got them running. It’s Saturday morning, the sun is shining and they’ve been teaching the boys to ride.

 

It’s hardly teaching though. The Dixon brothers are naturals.

 

“ ‘S in their blood!” Merle hasn’t been able to stop grinning. He’s alternated between watching them and chasing after them on one of the quads.

 

Daryl, on the other hand, is chewing on a thumbnail and watching Beth bounce on her toes at the edge of the field where the boys are zooming around. Merle’s already been talking about borrowing Hershel’s tractor to make some small jumps and whoop-de-doos.

 

The field they’re riding around in is small, too small for jumps and crazy bumps as far as Daryl’s concerned. There’s also a little copse of trees at one end and so far neither boy has smacked into one- but if he’s he’s being honest it’s cool as hell and he wants to jump on one of the bikes himself and tear it up out there.

 

But then Beth wanted to learn to ride too.

 

“Teach me how to ride Daryl!” The back of his bike isn’t enough? Nope. She wants her own wings. He’s not afraid she’s gonna fly away, but she could get hurt. And that won’t work for him. Not one bit.

 

“No.” It’s weak though, his refusal. And pointless in the grand scheme of things.

 

“How come uncle Daryl? Mama says girls can do whatever boys can do if they wanna,” DJ says and Daryl glares at him. He never knew a boy who listened so well to his mama.

 

“They can’t pee standing up!” Beau croaks. Beth is giggling behind her hand but Merle and DJ are cracking up.

 

“Hey! Watch yer mouth, “ Daryl snaps but it’s as half-hearted as his no to Beth was.

 

“ ‘S true! Might as well teach her little brother. Ain’t much longer for we’re gonna have Sophia and Carol out here too,” Merle says.

 

“What don’ ya come with me on the quad?” Safe. Behind him and he can navigate the terrain. Her face falls a little.

 

“I can do that, but Daryl I wanna learn and I know you’ll make sure I do everything right so I’m safe!” Damn girl, she knows what to say- how to work it in her favor. She smiles and flashes her big blue eyes at him and he’s a goner. With a big sigh, he gestures for her to put on her helmet.

 

Once they’re out in the field and she’s straddling the bike he shows her all of the controls again. She was paying attention when the boys were learning. Already knew she’d get her way.

 

“Think ya can kickstart it?” he smirks. Raising an eyebrow she lifts her self up and stomps down hard on the lever. Unfortunately for Daryl, she starts it on the first try. He was counting on her struggling with it and quitting out of frustration.

 

But Beth isn’t a quitter and she doesn’t give up.

 

“I did it!” she yells over the rumble of the engine. Her smile is contagious and he can’t help smiling back. Then he gives her a nod but before she takes off he jumps on the back stretching his long legs comically out to each side.

 

“Daryl!”

 

“One time around- com’on, jus go!” She does and she takes it easy and shifts like she’s supposed to, for the most part. She avoids the trees, probably for his sake. His legs sticking out like they are would make it hard to navigate her way through them.

 

After making the loop she stops and kills the bike with a jerk.

 

“Oops!” The movement of the bike slides him forward so he’s pressed up against her back. Sliding his hands down and over her things he squeezes, holds her in place and thrusts his hips forward, rubbing himself against her.

 

“Ya did good girl,” he says huskily because she feels so good and riding behind her is kind of a turn on.

 

“Yeah?” Pushing her ass back against him she shimmies a little. Maybe it turns her on too. Before he can let his imagination take him any further she asks,

 

“Gonna let me do it by myself now?” Growling he climbs off the bike and slaps her on her cute little ass. He can hear her laughing as she takes off.

  


Beth and the boys have monopolized the bikes all afternoon. Sophia came out for a minute. Just long enough to ask Daryl if he was friends with Sheriff Grimes.

 

“Yeah. Why ya wanna know?”

 

“Oh, um, Carl told me you were over there helping his dad the other day.” When she said ‘Carl’ her voice did this funny thing and her cheeks turned pink.

 

“When did ya talk ta Carl?”

 

“We go to school together uncle Daryl!” She’d flounced off then shaking her head as if Daryl should have known better.

 

“She ain’t gonna ride?” Merle asks as he walks over.

 

“Nah- was goin’ on about talkin’ ta Carl,” Daryl says scanning the field looking for Beth.

 

“Sheriff’s kid?”

 

“Mmmhmm,” He finds her and she’s going a little too fast for his liking, “got all silly.”

 

“Goddammit! Knew the day would come when I'd have ta load up my shotgun- but the sheriff’s kid?! Fuck me!” his brother groans.

 

“No thanks!” Daryl chuckles but he almost chokes when he sees Beth’s bike go down out near the trees. “Shit!” Sprinting across the field he’s next to her in seconds, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he can hear it in his ears.

 

And she’s laughing.

 

“Beth! Wha’ the hell!” Dropping to his knees beside her he helps her sit up and take off her helmet.

 

“I’m fine Daryl, really…” Her face is flushed and her eyes are sparkling. “I just- there’s a rock back there-” He looks her over, dirt and grass, that’s about it. No scrapes. No blood. But.

 

“Fuckin’ scared me…” Leaning back on her hands she’s looking up at him. The scar from being thrown from Nellie is all but healed up and it’s a soft pink shadow on her cheekbone. And all of a sudden everything in him needs to feel her, reassure himself that she’s alive and it’s ridiculous and he doesn’t even understand it but Beth makes him crazy so…

 

Pushing her back into the grass and the dirt, his body hovering over hers he pauses for a second, just looking at her. And then he falls down onto her, one hand on the ground, the other cupped over her head and he kisses her hard and fast intending to pull away but she snakes one small hand up behind his neck and keeps him where she wants him, where he wants to be. Her mouth is warm and sweet and….

 

“Kissing! Come on! Yuck!” Beau. And somewhere back there DJ is giggling.

 

“Now, now, Auntie Beth is just letting uncle Daryl know she’s okay,” Merle snickers.

 

“I ain’t watching!” Beau yells as he runs off followed by DJ.

 

“Me neither!”

 

“Ooowee, y’all wanna get up and go somewhere’s else?” Merle goes after the boys laughing the whole way and then they’re alone.

 

Raising up a little so he can look at her he just shakes his head, doesn’t have it in him to make her feel bad. She looked, still looks so fucking happy. And making her happy is all he wants to do. He starts to sit up but she grabs his arm and pulls him back.

 

“Wait... I love you, Daryl.” She kisses him again and he rolls them both over, gets her on top of him and takes her face in his hands.

 

“Yeah? Well, I love ya more…”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Standing on tiptoe Beth twists her body so she can get a good look at her lower back in the bathroom mirror. There’s a dull ache where she landed when she fell off the dirt bike and she’d felt it walking up the stairs. But she’d forgotten to look before she got in the shower.

 

The mirror above the vanity is foggy with condensation but she can see a dark red smudge, the beginnings of a bruise roughly the size of her fist. It’s tender to the touch and she hisses as she presses her fingertips into the colorful flesh.

 

“Said ya weren’t hurt…” His voice is like gravel, but rolling over her skin it’s honey, thick and soft and sweet. He’s leaning against the door frame, tall and lanky, a lock of dark hair covering one eye.

 

“It’s just a bruise. I bet those boys are covered in them. Did you see how many times they fell over?” She doubts Daryl’s thinking about his nephews as his eyes roam over her body in the mirror in front of them. She’s naked. Her towel draped over the edge of the tub. He comes up behind her and rests his hands on her shoulders.

 

She’s aware of the fact that she’s pale, never could tan and even after a blistering sunburn she always goes back to being the color of creamer. But in Daryl’s deep brown hands she glows, all of her. The flat of his palms skim over her shoulders and around her front to cup her breasts. One in each hand. Hands that are rough from hard work with calluses that make her shiver as he brushes a thumb over the nipples. One and then the other.

 

“So beautiful,” he whispers resting his lips on the curve of her neck that she’s offered him by tilting her head just so, knowing that’s exactly where his mouth would go.

 

If she had a camera she could capture this moment in a photo like the ones of her family, of her and Shawn. Only this one would be different. This one would be the part of the story where the girl is happy, not just looking back on it. Looking right at it in the mirror in front of her.

 

He’s looking too, watching as he slides one hand from her breast over the flat plane of her belly and down just a little further over her mound sparsely covered with hair that’s not quite soft, more like the hair on his chin, coarse and scratchy and currently giving her goosebumps along with his teeth as he nips at her neck.

 

“Watch me touch ya…” He pinches her nipple as he slides two fingers even further down between her legs, dipping between her lips, finding her clit.

 

“Daryl…”

 

“Like that?” Maybe it’s because of their kiss earlier or the fact that she’s watching what he’s doing, but she’s already so close her legs are trembling. Nodding her head she holds onto his arm.

 

“I want, I wanna see you too.” Their eyes meet in the mirror and he moves his hands away from her making her whimper at the loss. He pulls his shirt over his head and fumbles with his belt and jeans.

 

He’s naked in seconds and already hard. He rubs up against her like he did on the dirt bike.

 

“Put yer hands down an’ lean over.” She does what he says, flattens her hands on the dark granite. He leans into her and pulls open a drawer and reaches in for a condom. “Spread yer legs… yeah just like that.” Gripping her hips with both hands he runs his tongue up her spine making her delirious with want.

 

“Oh my god…” She can feel his cock between her legs bumping her pussy.

 

“Look in the mirror Beth… don’t ya dare look away,” he breathes into her ear. He stands and she grips the edge of the vanity tighter as he nudges her open with the head of his cock and slides in slowly until there’s no space between them. “Fuck.. this ain’t gonna last long, keep- fuck!’ His thrusts speed up and she knows he’s about to lose himself. She’ll never get tired of watching his face when he comes, he’s completely vulnerable in that instance. All the walls and the ways he keeps people out are gone and she’s there with him.

 

Arching her back, pressing against him she lets go of the vanity and holds on to him as her orgasm wraps around her. She keeps her eyes on his in the mirror until he ducks his head to presses kisses to her shoulders. Reaching between them he gets rid of the condom so she can turn in his arms and kiss him like she needs too.

 

Shivering from the after effects she rubs his cheek, feels the scruff as she looks into his eyes. He’s got a big grin on his face.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’ even gotta say it.. ‘S always gonna be.”

 

“Always gonna be what?”

 

“Like this girl… every single time.” He’s still smiling when she wraps her arms around him and kissing him again.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl left Beth curled up on the bed reading a chapter from one of her school books. It got cold standing in the bathroom naked and when her teeth started chattering they crawled under the comforter and warmed each other up. Then Daryll reluctantly got up and dressed so he could go down and help Merle put away the bikes and quads and close up the shop.

 

Beau busted the kickstarter going around a tree and Merle’s taking it off when Daryl walks in.

 

“Got everythin’ taken care of loverboy?” Merle ribs. Daryl ignores him and heads out to bring in the gas cans. Beau comes from around the side of the shop carrying his and DJs helmets.

 

“Uncle Daryl somethin’s going on at Mr. Hershel’s, think he might have a fire.. there’s smoke and-” Pushing past his nephew Daryl heads out to where he can see the Greene farm.

 

“Fuck… he breathes. “Merle we got trouble…” Merle comes up behind him and sees what Daryl sees.

 

“Jesus… Beau tell yer mama ta call 911. Get a quad brother, faster ta head through the woods!” Nodding Daryl runs over to the nearest one and jumps on. Beau is almost to the back door when Daryl yells to him,

 

“Have yer mama get Beth!” Turning on the engine he takes off with Merle following right behind him.

 

Hershel’s barn is on fire.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know… but it’s not really a cliffhanger. Just an ‘OMG what’s going on?’**
> 
>  
> 
> **Fun factoid... The follicles of beard hair are composed similarly to the hair on a man’s groin (and a woman’s)… just in case you were like ‘eww why is she comparing Beth’s…’ well, you get it.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Stay tuned, next week you will definitely find out what’s going on!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here’s the update!! I hope you enjoy it! And thank you again for being so awesome!**

 

 

By the time Daryl is out of the woods and the barn is visible the smoke is making it impossible to see how much is actually burning. But it’s a lot and it’s bad. Reaching for his bandana in his back pocket he covers his mouth as he drives up around the corral.

 

Rick’s SUV pulls up in front of the burning barn. Jumping out of the vehicle he comes running over to Daryl.

 

“You know what’s going on?”

 

“Nah, just saw the fire and headed over.”

 

“Rick! Rick!” Hershel and Shawn’s wife Amy are running in their direction. Hershel is struggling but Amy has a hold of him as they make their way over.

 

“I got a call into the Fire Department-” Rick starts in.

 

“My girls- they’re in the barn! They’re in…” Amy is coughing so hard she can’t continue and Daryl’s heart drops into his stomach. Turning, he looks at the blaze and takes a couple of steps in that direction. He can’t just wait for the fire department. It might be too late. 

 

“Daryl hang on! Are you sure?” Daryl hears Rick talking to Amy. But all he can see is the flames and the faces of those two little girls.

 

“Shawn took them to show them the loft, it was a while ago-” Daryl doesn’t hear anything else because he isn’t waiting.

 

“Daryl wait! I’m coming with you.” Rick catches up with him as he’s rounding the barn. The doors in the front are blocked by the fire, this is the only other way in. A rain barrel catches his eye and Daryl shoves his bandana into the water before tying it over his face. 

 

It’s almost impossible to see through the smoke as they make their way in. The shadow that seems to come out of nowhere takes him off guard. It’s stumbling towards them coughing and waving its arms around.

 

Shawn.

 

Daryl grabs him by the shirt and yanks him forward. Even with all of the smoke and fire he can smell it. Whiskey. Shawn’s unsteady and coughing and sputtering. He’s hanging on to Daryl like he’s the only thing holding him up. Daryl could let go, push him away, he would like nothing more than to let him fall right there. But they need to know where the girls are.

 

“Where ya fucking kids at?” Rick’s already heading further in, a bandana covering his face.

 

“Whada you.. wh-” Daryl feels helpless and enraged all at once and he smacks Shawn across the face. Hard. 

 

“Yer daughters? Where are they?” Recognition crosses Shawns face and fear follows but he doesn’t respond and Daryl's about to punch him when Merle comes running in.

 

“Nah, ain’t worth baby brother... go help, Rick. I’ll drag his sorry ass outta here.” Shawn seems to find his voice then and he points up.

 

“Loft,” he says before collapsing against Merle’s side.

 

“Daryl up here!” Rick’s halfway up the ladder to the loft. The heat is so intense it’s burning his eyes and they’re watering making his vision blurry but as he meets Rick at the bottom of the ladder he can see a child curled up in his arms. The little one. Claire.

 

“Ya see the other girl?” Abbi. She’s still up in the loft somewhere. Has to be. 

 

“No, I didn’t get all the way up! She came crawling over to the edge-” Rick lifts the little girl up and she takes a deep breath and coughs. Can’t be a good thing doing that with all the smoke.

 

“Get her outta here. I’m going up-” Claire's tiny body is shaking. She’s crying and coughing. Daryl shoves his wet bandana towards Rick but the other man shakes his head. 

 

“You need that! I got mine! Go!” Rick turns and disappears into the smoke in the direction of the door they came in.

 

Daryl climbs the ladder his heart pounding in his chest. It’s almost impossible to breathe up here. He’s surrounded by straw. If the fire reaches him or a spark- shaking his head he gets on his knees and crawls forward moving one hand back and forth through the straw.

 

“Abbi, where are ya? I’m gonna take ya outta here, com’on tell me-” He hears it, it’s weak but it’s a little girls voice.

 

“Mama, mama… “ He finds her and she’s huddled by the hay door that’s open enough to let in some air. When she looks over at Daryl he can see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

 

And for a brief second, he wonders if his mama cried if she changed her mind and wanted out when she was in their burning house.

 

“I got ya Abbi, com’ere girl.” Reaching out for her she grabs a hold of his hand and everything inside of him breaks as he pulls her against his chest. Her tiny body is shaking in his arms and he can feel her struggling to catch her breath. “Cover yer face with this, ‘s gonna help ya breathe.” Nodding she takes it and when she looks up at him all he can think is,  _ ‘I couldn’t save my mama, but ‘m gonna save you, Abbi’.  _

 

He forces himself to stand up, and he takes a deep breath of the air that’s coming in the hay door. He makes sure Abbi’s got the bandana over her face but before he can turn around a loud crack sends smoke, ash, and sparks swirling around them.

 

Sparks. And straw. 

 

The only way out is through the hay door and he can’t remember if there were any hay bales stacked up underneath it and he can’t see much of anything. It doesn’t matter anyway. This their only option and his chest hurts and his eyes are blurry and he just wants Beth, wants to be with her on their couch, holding her, talking about the future, talking about forever.

 

“Gotta hold on ta me Abbi okay, we’re gonna go find yer mama.” He leans over and kisses her small head before he squats down and jumps out of the hay door.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth finished up some reading for school and then she must have dozed off. She wakes up to pounding on the door and before she even gets off the bed Beau and DJ are standing at the bedroom door.

 

“Hey guys, what’s-” Carol comes up behind them and Beth can see by the expression on her face that something's wrong.

 

“Carol?”

 

“Your daddy’s barn is on fire. The guys headed over on quads.” That’s all she needs to hear, tugging on her boots she follows them out the door and down the stairs. 

 

The air smells like burning wood and she can see the smoke and the tips of the flames over the tops of the trees. But that’s all she can see. It’s enough though. Enough that her heart is racing and her fingers trembling where they rest against her lips. Thankfully Carol has the car running and waiting and they climb in and take off down the drive.

 

“I called 911. Maybe the guys can get the hose from the well-” Carol may be trying to ease her fears but it’s not working. 

 

“It’s too far from the barn.” She remembers her daddy telling Maggie this, one summer when it was really hot and Maggie asked what they’d do if the barn caught fire. It would burn. That’s what her daddy said. They’d have to let the horses out and just keep the fire from spreading until the fire department showed up. 

 

Luckily the barn isn’t near the house and it’s not near the woods. It’s kind of in the middle and- Nellie! Was she in her stall? Did somebody let her out? 

 

They pull up next to the Sheriff’s SUV and Merle and Daryl’s quads. Beth sees figures but she can’t make out who they are. Before Carol even has the car in park she’s out of the car and running towards them.

 

It’s Hershel, Amy, and Merle leaning over someone who's lying on the ground. Her feet can’t get her there fast enough and before she says anything to anyone she goes to Merle. Because she’s thinking that it must be, has to be… because…

 

It’s not Daryl. It’s Shawn and for a second there’s a little bit of guilt for the relief she feels that it’s not Daryl. He’s not laying on the ground, he’s- where is he? Spinning around she still only sees the four people who were there when she got out of the car. Carol and the boys are huddled next to Hershel, their hands over their faces trying to avoid the smoke.

 

“Where’s Daryl?” Did he go for Nellie? He didn’t, shouldn’t risk his life for her horse. She loves her horse but she loves him more…

 

“The girls are in the barn.. the girls..” Beth sees now that Amy is sobbing, the firelight is flickering over the tears that are running down her face and her daddy looks distraught and Rick’s car is here but she doesn’t see Rick either. 

 

Then it dawns on her. They’re looking for the girls. In the barn. And it’s on fire, not just a little but a whole lot. Daryl’s in that burning barn and suddenly it’s impossible to breathe. She doesn’t even think about it, just rushes towards it, the fire and the barn, and Daryl.

 

“Beth no!” She hears her daddy’s voice but who is he to tell her anything? Where has he been the last two months? The last thirteen years? It isn’t her daddy’s arms that wrap around her and it certainly isn’t his voice in her ear trying to calm her down.

 

“Com’ on now Beth, stay put. Ya know he wasn’ gonna sit here and wait fer no damn fireman… those baby girls are in trouble and my damn fool brother is too good of a man ta wait fer help tha’ mighta been too late.” Merle’s got a hold of her waist and he’s easing her back as he talks softly in her ear. “Ain’t been more than a couple minutes girl. Give ‘em time. He and Rick they’ll be coming any second.. they’ll be…” 

 

A shadow does come running around the side of the barn. Not running really, more like stumbling. Beth knows instantly it’s not Daryl. It’s Rick and he’s holding one of the girls. And that’s a relief. It’s one of her nieces in Rick’s arms. She hears Amy’s screams but they’re drowned out by a loud crash as the front half of the barn folds in on itself. 

 

The fire seems to shoot up higher into the sky and the sparks fly and she remembers the fourth of July and how Daryl gave her a sparkler, a little stick spitting sparks and it was pretty. 

 

Nothing about this is pretty.

 

Her screams pierce the night and they drown out Amy’s, they drown out everything. She’s like a feral cat fighting Merle kicking and scratching. She hears his ragged breathing and something that sounds like a sob rips its way from his throat. 

 

Rick came, but Daryl didn’t.

 

“Let me go… let me…” Reaching out and she digs her nails into dirt trying to find anything she can get a hold of. Merle’s strong, stronger than he looks. He’s still got a good hold on her but he’s yelling and pointing- there’s something.. someone. She blinks, blinks again then rubs her eyes and she sees him, his shadow black against the backdrop of fire. Staggering around the side of the barn, with a little girl in his arms. Merle lets her go, drops her right in the dirt and he takes off towards Daryl. 

 

Beth scrambles to her feet and she isn’t far behind Merle, her eyes on Daryl. Once Abbi is taken from his arms he falls to his knees and before he can go any further she’s there, breaking his fall, pulling as much of his upper body as she can into her lap.

 

He’s covered in soot and ash and coughing so hard it hurts her to hear it. But he’s breathing and he’s in her lap and he seems to know that because his hand searches until it finds hers grasping it tightly. He’s mumbling something she can’t hear because the fire trucks have arrived and sirens and pulsing red lights flashing off of the trees turn the night into something out of a horror movie.

 

Leaning down she rests her lips on his cheek. She can feel his heart beating where he’s lying across her legs and she can hear him wheezing. He mumbles again and this time she can make it out, what he’s trying to say.

 

“Got her out… got Abbi, Rick got Claire…. they find their mama?” He heaves in a breath.

 

“They’re with their mama, you saved them, Daryl, you-” If she keeps talking she’s going to break down and then he’ll try and comfort her and this is not about her. Brushing his hair back she tries to get a good look at him. “Daryl, are you hurt? Did you get burnt, did you-”

 

He’s coughing even harder now and he rolls over and tries to push himself up on his hands and knees but he can’t do it.

 

“Daryl… just be still please! I’ll get help!”

 

“Can’t get enough- air-” Torn between leaving his side to find help, she searches frantically for the one person she needs besides Daryl. 

 

“Merle! Merle!” But Merle is already on his way over with two firemen and one of them has oxygen.

 

“What’s his name Ms.?”

 

“Daryl, he’s Daryl.. he’s having a hard time breathing!’

 

“Daryl? We’re going to have you turn over, lie back.” The look on his face is pure panic as the firemen ease him back down to the ground but once the oxygen mask is on he seems to relax.

 

“Inhaled a lot of smoke, this will help alright?” Beth watches as he nods and then he turns his head and his eyes meet hers. Swallowing hard she moves up beside his head.

 

“Better now?” She runs her fingers through his hair, combing out ash and straw. He nods again and clears his throat.

 

“Abbi…” It’s raspy and by the way he winces, she imagines it hurts too. Resting a hand on his chest she gives him the best smile she can and lies right through her teeth.

 

“She’s ok, gonna be fine. They both are.” But she doesn’t know that for sure. She hasn’t checked on her nieces or Rick. She hasn’t even thought about her brother. 

 

He’s staring at the sky and she can see the fire flickering in the in the blue of his eyes. He’s her whole world, that’s what she’s thinking, as cliche as it sounds and it does, it’s true. Everything else in her life is so uncertain except for him.

 

Looking up she sees her daddy coming towards them. His crutch is tucked under his arm even though he’s wearing his prosthetic leg and that’s concerning for a minute, but only a minute. She pushes the thought aside choosing to deal with it later. Maybe.

 

“Beth, how’s Daryl-” He’s genuinely concerned, she’ll give him that. But Daryl is lying on his back in the dirt, an oxygen mask strapped to his face because he went into a burning barn and saved their family.  _ ‘That’s how Daryl is daddy.’  _ She can say it in her head but doesn’t quite have the courage to spit the words at him.

 

“Ain’t dead,” Daryl rasps pushing himself into a sitting position. 

 

“Daddy, what happened?” 

 

Hershel doesn’t have a chance to answer. The ambulances have arrived and a couple of EMT’s are there with a gurney. Merle and Carol and the kids are right behind them. She can feel Daryl tense up beside her. 

 

“I ain’t going in no ambulance,” his voice is ragged and it hurts her to listen to him but she should’ve expected this. Resting her hand on his shoulder she tries to give him a convincing smile.

 

“Daryl we have to make sure you’re okay, there was so much smoke-” If she had it her way he’d get in that ambulance and go, but she understands why he doesn’t want to and if the EMT’s check him out she’ll have to be okay with that. It’s something. 

 

“ ‘M fine.” He says it but she can see how he’s glancing over at her as if how she feels matters too.

 

“We can check you out right here. We’ll listen to your lungs and get your vitals and then it’s your choice whether or not we transport.” Daryl shrugs as he locks eyes with her. He doesn’t fight them and Beth moves back to give them room. Her daddy has conveniently disappeared. She isn’t finished with their conversation though. 

 

“Let me guess he’s refusing to go to the hospital?” Carol questions. Beth nods. He’s letting the EMT’s do their job though and Merle and Sophia are with him.

 

“Is everyone okay?” Keeping her voice down so Daryl doesn’t overhear her because she already told him the girls are fine.

 

“Everyone’s being treated for smoke inhalation. Abbi has a burn on her leg, but it seems like it’s minor. Your brother-” Carol doesn’t continue, looks down at the boys huddled on either side of her.

 

Her brother. He had to had been the one who took the girls into the barn. Amy and the girls have been coming out to visit and Beth assumed or wanted desperately to assume that things were going well. But this…

 

Glancing back over at Daryl, seeing that Merle is there Beth slips away and tries to find Amy or her daddy. she spots them both by an ambulance. EMT’s are loading up a gurney.

 

Beth hurries over to them and she sees her nieces together on the gurney. They’re so small the fit on it together. Two little girls wearing oxygen masks, their cheeks are red and smudged with soot. Amy is climbing up into the ambulance behind them. She takes a couple of steps in her father’s direction but stops before she comes up beside him.

 

“They were in the barn alone with Shawn?” The accusation is there even if she didn’t say the words. She doesn’t have too.

 

“Beth, we don’t know what happened yet-” They don’t, but it’s pretty obvious. 

 

“The barn was on fire daddy! Look at your granddaughters! And Daryl- Daryl…” her voice breaks and she turns away because this isn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be strong. To stand up to him and tell him what she knows is true. But she’s angry and she’s disappointed. 

 

“Mr. Greene you can ride along in the front.” Standing there looking at the smoking remnants of the barn she waits to see what her daddy is going to do next. When she hears the familiar thud of his crutch hitting the ground she gets her answer. 

 

Nothing.

 

As the ambulance drives away she catches Rick’s eye. He’s with a fireman and one of the EMT’s. An oxygen mask is in his hand and she supposes like Daryl he chose not to go to the hospital. He says something to the other men before walking over to her.

 

“Are you okay?” she asks.

 

“Yep. Did the trick,” he says holding up the mask. “How about you?” Her. This isn’t about her. But then maybe it is. Her family and this endless cycle of hits and misses and Rick has been around for most of them and if not around he’s heard. Because this is a small town.

 

“Shawn did this-he- what happened?” She’s sure but she isn't sure and honestly, she’s afraid to hear the answer, to know the truth.

 

“We don’t have all the facts yet- but Shawn took the girls in the barn earlier. And he was the first one we found when we were going in- he was coming out.”

 

“He didn’t have the girls? Didn’t try…!” Rick is shaking his head and he looks grim.

“He seemed disoriented. It was Daryl that grabbed him and Merle took him out. I need to talk to Amy and your dad-”

 

“My dad,” Beth laughs bitterly, “and if he chooses to protect his son? Can’t you press charges or something? You and Daryl, you could’ve been hurt, it could’ve been a lot worse- and my nieces, Abbi has a burn! Rick we both know it wasn’t an accident!” You don’t accidentally let a barn catch fire when your children are in it. You protect them! A father protects his children. Unless he can’t, unless grief has made it impossible for him to function. Shuddering she wraps her arms around her body. 

 

“He was given a breathalyzer test, they’ll take blood at the hospital, his children are injured and your dad can’t protect him from that Beth.” He slides an arm around her shoulders and hugs her close. “I’m so sorry Beth.” It’s more than just this though and she knows it. Nodding she moves away from his.

 

“I’m gonna go check on Daryl, thank you, Rick.”

 

“Okay, and Beth, this time, something will be done. I can promise you that.” 

 

Can he though? People break promises all the time.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl had been advised to seek medical treatment but the EMT’s told him his lungs sounded clear and that he should go in if his breathing worsened. He’s half listening to Merle telling the kids what happened when Beth comes up and slips her hand in his. It’s like she knew he needed that, needed her. His chest aches and his throat burns and he leans into her a little.

 

“Abbi got burned, Carol tol’ me,” his voice sounds like it belongs to someone else and it hurts to talk.

 

“She did- I wanted to wait- to tell you…” Didn’t want him worrying or feeling bad or anything. Cause she was taking care of him. 

 

“I jus’ wanted outta there, wanted ta be home with you- I was scared, ‘fraid I couldn’ get her out.” Maybe someday he’ll tell her how it made him think of his mama. Maybe.

 

“But you did Daryl. You saved her. I was scared too. The fire was everywhere and Rick came but you-”

 

“Thought you was comin’ in after me? Merle said you fought ‘em,” Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to attempt and thank god Merle stopped her because he thinks she might have actually gone through with it or at least tried. 

 

“You would’ve come after me.” 

 

“I woulda.” Without a doubt. The thought of her risking her life for him doesn’t feel right, but if he’d do it for he’s going to have to accept the fact that she’d do it for him. 

 

The ambulances are gone. And the fire is out. It’s eerily quiet compared to the chaos from just minutes ago. Some of the wood is still smoldering underneath piles of ash where half of the barn is a charred skeleton. He can see the hay door where he took Abbi and jumped. Their landing was soft and he rolled down the bales of hay with the little girl in his arms and if he’d of had the strength and the air in his lungs he would have whooped out loud.

 

He honestly hadn’t known when he jumped what was waiting for them below. He’d taken it on faith. And he’s been doing that a lot lately

 

“Go home and shower you look like hell.” Rick doesn’t look much better himself. But he’s smiling at Daryl as he walks up and there’s something else there, a bond.

 

“Wha’ ‘bout you? Think ya got yer uniform dirty there officer.” Rick’s face is dirty, as well as his uniform. 

 

“Finishing up a report then I have to stop by the E.R. for statements, after that I’m off the clock. You did good in there Daryl- you saved that little girl.” His compliment makes Daryl uncomfortable. But it’s okay.

 

“We. We saved ‘em. Did it together.” 

 

“Damn right. We make a good team. Maybe you should think about a career in law enforcement. I could put in a good word.” The laughter hurts his chest but it feels good too, eases some of the tension. They shake hands but it’s more like grabbing and holding on and it feels right. 

 

“Don’t think we need ta go that far…” They’re friends. That’s enough all on its own.

 

Rick heads out and Merle and the boys take the quads back to the house. Walking back over to the car Daryl squeezes Beth’s hand.

 

“I need ta go to the E.R. I wanna see Abbi, I jus’ need-” He’s not sure how to put it in words, what he needs but he doesn’t have too because of course, she knows. She always seems to know.

 

“We can do that Daryl.” She stops him before they get to the car and pushes herself up on her toes, wraps her arms around him and kisses him like she would if no one was watching.

 

He doesn't care if anyone is watching. He kisses her back. 

 

“First the wreck and then this… Daryl Dixon my heart can’t survive losing you,” she whispers so only he can hear. She says stuff like this all the time, stuff that nobody else has ever said to him. And he’s even gotten to the point where he can believe most of it. 

 

He feels the same way about her. But then she’s perfect. She’s the best thing about his life.

 

“Ain’ goin’ nowhere unless yer coming with me, I already toldja that girl.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Saturday nights are definitely busier than most at this particular E.R. But tonight it seems even more so. Beth wanted to come but she didn’t want to face her father. Something Daryl had said on the drive over got her thinking about what she’s feeling and why. 

 

_ ‘This ain’t yer daddy’s fault Beth’ _

 

It’s not. 

 

She’s been trying to let go of old hurts. What happened between her and her father can’t be changed. He can’t fix it for her, she has to do that. And she’s trying. But being mad at him for Shawn’s mistakes isn’t helping. It’s only bringing all the mistakes he made with her to the surface.

 

It’s only fitting that when they walk into the waiting room her daddy is the first person she sees. Slowing down she lets her hand slip out of Daryl’s. Coming here wasn’t what she wanted she did it for Daryl.

 

“I need to…” 

 

“Com’on.” He takes her hand and they walk over to Hershel. It hurts her in a place deep down to see him sitting there looking so old and broken.

 

“I was hoping you would come.” Even his smile is sad. And it gets to her even though she doesn’t want it too. Glancing at the crutch resting on the chair beside him she asks because she wants to know.

 

“You’re using your crutch, did you hurt yourself or-”

 

“I wanted to be able to move faster. And I was terrified if I had to go in that barn and try and save them… I don’t know if I could have done it. Physically.”

 

“Ya would’ve. If ya had ta.” 

 

“You sure about that?” She sees a bit of a challenge in her daddy’s eyes as he looks at Daryl. Daryl doesn't say anything more. Maybe he isn't sure. She knows that she has her doubts but she thinks he would have tried. 

 

“We came to see the girls,” Beth says looking around for anyone else. Carol and Sophia found seats and Carol’s on her phone. 

 

“I haven’t been back yet. I’m waiting on Rick and Maggie is coming…” Maggie, Beth hadn’t even thought to call her. Her sister couldn’t have done anything more than she’s done except be there.

 

“Daddy! Beth…” Maggie comes in like a hurricane. “Why didn’t anyone call-”

 

“We did. Once we could.” Hershel smiles at his oldest daughter but the look on her face is grim.

 

“What happened, I-” But Hershel shuts her down quick.

 

“Rick’s on his way. I planned to talk to him about how to handle this because contrary to what you're probably thinking, I was going to do something, anything, I wasn’t just going to let it go. Turns out I don’t have to.

 

“What do you mean?” Maggie asks the question before Beth can even get the words out. Because she didn’t expect this.

 

“Shawn already admitted to what he did, he told the doctor that was examining him that he had a bottle in the loft and he was drinking and fell asleep. He left his daughters to themselves with a lit candle.” At the word candle, Beth gasps. A candle. Her candle that she had up there to read by. She feels Daryl’s hand on her forearm but she pulls away, mumbles something about the bathroom and hurries away.

 

Before she can close the door and lock it behind her Daryl pushes his way in. He’s glaring at her and it should be comical with the way his face is all smudged up. 

 

“Don’ do this.” 

 

“What am I doing?” As if he doesn’t know. He knows very well.

 

“How long y’all had a candle up in that loft? Or a lantern?” He’s right. He’s right and he loves her and he isn’t gonna let her hide in a dirty public restroom and blame herself.

 

“Always.”

 

“Alright then. Les’ go see Abbi.” Taking her hand they walk to the front desk. The woman sitting there looks up and Beth can see she’s taken aback for a minute. Daryl can be menacing without even trying. Top that with what a mess he is and it’s understandable how the woman is intimidated.

 

“Can I help you? Are you hurt?”

 

“Nah I need ta see Abbi Greene.” 

 

“I’m sorry sir only family members are allow-” 

 

“He’s her uncle, he rescued her from a burning barn,” Beth explains. It’s really not even that simple but it’s enough. Besides if she started gushing about him, he’d just be uncomfortable. The woman blinks up at them still unsure. But she buzzes the door and tells them where to go.

 

“Uncle huh?” he says under his breath as they walk in.

 

“Yeah.” It’s easy to smile now. Daryl’s okay. Shawn may actually be doing the right thing and she can hear her niece’s little voice somewhere down the hall.

 

“Okay.” He lets her hand go, drapes an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer.

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I am really curious to see what you think about this chapter. Where do you think the blame lies? Thank you again for sticking with this one!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here it is… better late than never right?! You guys are so wonderful and patient and I hope this makes you happy…**

 

Beth will never forget the expression on Daryl’s face when he first saw Abbi, tiny and dirty, but smiling from where she sat on the bed in the E.R. exam room.

 

It was relief, it was like finding out the thing you feared worst in the whole world never happened. He’d carried her out of the burning barn but he’d never had the chance to see her after, to put his fears to rest.

 

She was chattering away to her mom until Beth and Daryl walked in. Then she stopped and just looked at them, at Daryl. Beth heard the hitch in his breath, watched as all the tension in his jaw eased up and a small smile curved up the corners of his mouth.

 

“Hey Abbi,” his voice is still rough, more than his usual huskiness but it’s gentle when he says her name.

 

She sits there for a second, not saying a word and Beth worries that maybe her niece might be afraid of Daryl- after all she’s been through not to mention the fact that Daryl is looking a bit on the wild side.

 

Abbi crawls to the end of the bed and settles there on her knees contemplating Daryl.

 

“Can I see your wings?”

 

“Wha’?” Daryl glances over at Beth and she’s just as clueless as he is. But Abbi is adamant. Holding out her hand she twirls her tiny finger, a gesture for Daryl to turn around.

 

“Your wings, I saw ‘em when we flew out of the barn,” Abbi explains. Beth feels the tears stinging at the backs of her eyes. She knows where this is going.

 

“I ain’t got…” Daryl mumbles but he turns like she asked him to.

 

And there stitched to the leather on the back of his vest are wings- angels, birds, butterflies. It’s so easy to see what Abbi sees. Beth covers her mouth with her hand blinking fast willing the tears to stay where they are.

 

“See! There! Mama, I told you! Uncle Daryl flew out of the barn with me!” She’s so proud of herself bouncing on her knees and clapping her hands. Amy’s smiling and nodding, tears in her eyes.

 

“They ain’t real…” Beth reaches out and lays a hand on Daryl’s arm. And when he looks at her she gives her head a small shake. Let her believe in magic, let her believe in something amazing… let her have this to carry with her instead of the horror that it really was.

 

“Not now- but they were, they were real! You saved me!” And then she’s in his arms, squeezing him in a hug and reaching over his shoulder to run her fingers across his wing.

 

And it’s like that day in the kitchen when Beth had first seen the vest with the wings. She’d already made Daryl out to be some kind of angel for what he was doing for Merle, but the wings just solidified that for her. And it had felt like magic then, all of it had felt like magic, meeting him, falling in love with him, it was magic and it still is, watching her niece and Daryl smile at each other.

 

He may not believe in himself most of the time, but she believes in him. And Abbi does too. He’s a good man. 

 

“Wanna see my band-aid? It’s big!” Beth sits down beside Amy and brushes her fingers through Claire’s soft blonde curls. She’s fast asleep in her mama’s arms her face still smudged and streaked with tears.

 

“She’s okay?” Beth asks.

 

“Yeah, just scared. Wore herself out crying.” Amy says glancing at Beth. “I had no idea he- he’s been doing so good, following his program, helping Hershel. I never should’ve let him take them to the barn alone. He wanted to show them the loft where y’all used to tell ghost stories…”

 

Beth isn’t sure what to say. It’s not okay, none of it and they are so incredibly lucky it turned out how it did. 

 

“He’s not who he was. None of us are. Not anymore.”

 

“I’m their mama, I should’ve known.” Amy sounds angry and Beth is at least glad for that. Because they can’t just let this go. “He’s going to jail, he confessed. Maybe it’s for the best, maybe he’ll get the help he needs.” 

 

Beth hadn’t thought about all of this in terms of jail. Not even before when Shawn got physical with her. She doesn’t really know what she was thinking. Where and how it would all end up. But jail, it hurts, that her family is so broken. 

 

“What are you gonna do?” Shrugging she adjusts Claire in her lap.

 

“I could go back, to my sister. But I’d be alone and I know they’re little but I don’t want to take them away from the only family they know. Your daddy said we’d figure it out. But I want to stay-”

 

“You have to stay. We’re family and I- I want you to stay.”

 

That’s something Amy has to work through of course. Because it’s more than her and the girls, it’s Shawn too. And maybe that can’t be fixed. It’s trust and that trust has been broken.

 

Beth can understand that because she doesn’t trust her brother. And she may never trust him again.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl hasn’t said much since they left the hospital. He’s admittedly uncomfortable with all the praise- but Abbi… He’ still trying to wrap his head around the little girl’s perception of him- with wings. He’s thinking about Beth and his vest and his dream of actually having wings. And how all of it is connected. The way he sees himself, this, all of it doesn’t fit. He’s not a hero or an angel, he’s just living his life. A life that he never imagined he’d call his.

 

It’s all wrapped up in her. Beth. If he had to choose, if he had to fight, if he had to give up everything for this woman sitting beside him, her small hand tucked between his thighs, he would.

 

She’s his first, last and always. It keeps coming back to this. And her.

 

Covering her hand he squeezes it and glances over at her. She’s been quiet too.

 

“ ‘M sorry I scared ya.” She’s sad, he can see it. 

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Course she’s gonna say that.

 

“I know, jus’ want ya to know.” _Please_ jus _’ don’ be sad._

 

“I do,” she says softly, “what you did, that’s who you are. You don’t have a cape, you have wings.”

 

“Stop…” It’s half-hearted because coming from her it’s not so bad even if he doesn’t think of himself as any kind of hero. But he’ll do his best to be hers. 

 

It’s past midnight by the time they pull up next to the house. As if he was standing just inside the door waiting for them, Merle walks out to join them. Sophia slept the entire drive home curled up on the front seat. Merle wakes her up, tells her to go into bed but before she does she comes over to Daryl and hugs him.

 

“G’night uncle Daryl.” Her voice is thick with sleep and something else that winds its way around Daryl’s heart.

 

“Ya good brother?” Merle asks. Daryl nods. There’s a whole lot of meaning in those two words but they both understand. And it’s enough. He follows Sophia into the house and Carol pulls him into her own hug.

 

“You did good.”

 

“It ain’t….” Nothing was what he was going to say but he doesn’t get a chance.

 

“Don’t. You’re gonna have to let us have this cause you’re home and safe. And Abbi is too.” Nodding he watches her go- surprised at the emotion he feels.

 

They’ve both come a long way. And maybe Carol is his first real friend. He just didn’t understand it back then. He never let himself see the good things because anything good never lasted anyway. 

 

Now the good seems to outweigh the bad and it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna change anytime soon.

 

Beth stops him just inside the apartment door.

 

“Daryl, I just need to…”

 

This time no one is watching. She wraps herself around him and kisses him until they’re both breathless and they can’t get close enough. It’s desperate and messy because now Beth is crying and he’d stop kissing her to find out why but it’s so good and he thinks he gets it, how she can be grinding up against him with tears on her face.

 

“I’m sorry Daryl- I’m sorry-” she whispers. Taking her face in his hands he uses his thumbs to wipe away the moisture. His own face is wet too.

 

He doesn’t know what to say to make her feel better, but he can show her. He can kiss her and hold her, let her feel him alive in her arms. So he does.

 

They kiss for a few minutes more, the desperation turning into something softer, tears mixed with the soot drying on both of their faces now. The last thing she does before she puts some space between them is lay her head against his chest and he knows what she’s doing cause she does it all the time. Crazy girl is listening to his heartbeat. Sliding a hand up her back, he presses his palm between her shoulder blades. He can feel her heart and too. Maybe she’s not crazy, cause it’s reassuring like when he searches for her hand in the middle of the night if he wakes up and laces their fingers together so he can fall asleep holding on to her.

 

“Could take a shower…” He definitely needs a shower. He’s dirty and smells like smoke and sweat. But he doesn’t want to leave her. 

 

“Yeah, we can.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Actually getting into the shower seems to be a problem because it means they need to let go of each other and take off their clothes. And even though he’s here and he’s safe she’s having a really hard time not touching him in some way.

 

But they manage in between kisses to toss their smokey clothing outside the bathroom door and close it behind them letting the room fill up with steam from the shower.

 

Daryl does what he always does when they shower together, he moves her in front of him.

 

“Uh uh... let me wash your hair, Daryl.” He only balks at her for a moment before he switches her places. Rivulets of water tinted black by soot roll down his body. If only it could be that easy to wash away everything else the night and the fire gave them. Let it go because she’s heavy with the weight of it all.

 

They’ve done this before too- washed each others hair, but it’s mostly been him doing the washing. He’s tall and it’s harder for her to reach him but after he rinses off he moves out of the spray and kneels in front of her. Taking a hold of her hips he presses a kiss to her belly button. Shivering she grasps his shoulders.

 

“Daryl let me focus-” This could very easily turn into something else. Desire has been playing at the edges of every touch.

 

He leaves his hands where they are on her hips and lets his head fall back as she runs her fingers through his hair trailing shampoo in their wake. She scratches softly at his scalp and he moves with her hands, eyes closed, a small smile curving the corners of his mouth.

 

“Feels so good… “ he mumbles. Looking down at him her heart aches with tenderness. 

 

What they have, this love, it’s fragile and not because either of them are uncertain but because the world is and that terrifies her. She lost her mama, the person she loved most in the world. She never imagined there would be anyone else she’d give that love too.

 

But he came along and he didn’t even have to ask her to jump.

 

Moving her hands to his shoulders she takes a step back.

 

“You can rinse.” Standing he leans back and rinses the soap from his hair. When he turns away from her she steps forward and slides her arms around his waist and rests her head between his shoulder blades. Holds him, feels the taut muscles of his back moving underneath her. The raised skin of his scars, warm under her cheek are as familiar to her now as the pale pink stripe on her wrist. The one she still tries to hide with leather and beads. 

 

“Hey...” His voice moves through his body and into hers as he turns in her arms. Because of course he knows her, knows something is going on after her tears when they got home. 

 

“It was too close Daryl, too close-” she whispers.

 

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere Beth,”  he says tilting her head back with a finger under her chin. “Promise.”

 

“You can’t promise that Daryl.” It hurts to even think it but it’s true. 

 

“I know, but I still wanna try.” Whenever her faith seems to be slipping he always finds a way to put it back where it belongs.

 

Turning her around he gets the shampoo and by the time he’s done his hands are doing more than massaging soap in her hair. He’s holding her against him with his hands cupped over her breasts kneading them gently, his face pressed into the crook of her neck. 

 

“Daryl…” She wants their bed and them in it, wrapped up in blankets and each other.

 

“Want ya… so bad,” It’s a rough, needy whimper and it sends a pulse of pleasure through her that makes her legs weak.

 

“I want you too, ” she says shivering either from the cold water or what Daryl is doing, “not here... I mean can we...” He reaches out and shuts off the water. And they wrap up in the towels she laid out on the vanity. There’s one light on in the living room and he shuts it off and follows her in the dark towards the bedroom.

 

She lets her towel fall and crawls into bed on his side, barely leaving room for him, but ensuring that the space between them will basically be nonexistent. He scoots in beside her and pulls the covers up over them.

 

“Cold?” he asks. His hand is on her breast, thumb rubbing over her hard nipple. Pushing into his hand she slides a leg between his.

 

“Maybe, I don’t know.. just want to be close to you Daryl.” 

 

“Guess so,” he chuckles, “ yer hogging my side.” He brushes his lips against her forehead. “Can have it though, c'mere.” Scooting closer if that’s even possible, she rests her head on his shoulder. This is what she wanted. Just this.

 

The mood from the shower only minutes ago, the want, the desire has dampened into something less urgent. And her head is no longer spinning horrible scenarios where Daryl never walks out of the barn. 

 

“I know it’s everything that’s happened that’s got me feeling like, like I need to hold on tight. It’s just- god Daryl sometimes none of this feels real, how much I love you.” She’s aware of the fact that she’s babbling and possibly not making any sense at all. Cause he’s looking at her like she might be losing her mind. ”It’s like one day I’m gonna wake up and it’ll all be gone- like it never- like we never...”

 

There’s a very real possibility that she is, in fact, losing her mind.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Marry me.” He leans back so he can see her face. Her lips are parted just a little like she was about to say something else and her blue eyes couldn’t look more beautiful as what he says starts to sink in.

 

“What….?” It’s hard to breathe and it has nothing to do with all the smoke he inhaled. He asked and he meant it even though he’s only thought about in the briefest sort of way because it’s hard to fathom, her and this... And he doesn’t have a ring and he thinks now, that he probably should have.

 

But.

 

Regardless of the uncertainty of literally everything else, he wants her to know that for him, this is real and it’s forever and whether or not that’s even possible is a minor detail.  He’s got all the same fears she does- but none of that matters because they can love like they’ve never been hurt, like they’ve got that elusive forever right in the palm of their hands.

 

They’re doing it already.

 

So he says it again.

 

“Marry me, Beth.” The second time the words roll off of his tongue he’s even more certain this is the way it’s supposed to go. But she’s not saying anything, looks a little scared even. 

 

Maybe...

 

“I… yes.” 

 

“I shoulda got a ring- supposed ta have a ring…” He’s doing this all wrong but he did it and he won’t take it back. He can get a ring, he can do that… Her words are there but they haven’t quite found their way around the conversation he’s having in his head.

 

“I don’t need a ring…” Looks like she might cry.

 

“Yeah, ya do- ‘m gonna get a ring.”

 

“Okay, Daryl.” And she’s crying. 

 

“Did ya say-” He’s an idiot and he can feel the heat on his cheeks.

 

“Yes. I said yes…” Oh. So now what? 

 

Now he asked Beth Greene to marry him and she said yes and he’s having a ton of feelings about that but none that he can coherently convey.

 

So. It’s what he always falls back on and maybe it’s okay that he doesn’t have the words most of the time. He has other ways of showing her what’s in his heart. He can do it with his hands and his mouth and she understands it all.

 

Their kisses are shy and tentative, not like the kisses they usually share but not unlike them either. Just different.

 

“You wanna marry me?” Maybe he isn’t alone in what he’s feeling.

 

“I wanna marry you.” His mouth slides down and along her jaw, teeth nipping gently, nose in her damp hair.

 

“You wanna fuck me?” Four little words whispered in his ear unravel him. Growling he rolls her onto her back, his body cradled between her spread legs. Rocking against her he lets her feel what he wants, what she’s doing to him.

 

“I wanna… “ Groaning he pushes into her hand that she’s slid between them and taken hold of his cock with. Getting up on his knees he watches as she works her small hand from the base all the way up to the head and down again. Every nerve ending in his body has found its way to his cock summoned there by her nimble fingers and dirty mouth. 

 

Batting her hand away he leans over to the night table, pulls open the drawer and finds an empty box. But that can’t be right he’s sure… Digging around he finds what he needs and just as he closes the drawer her mouth is on him, hot and warm and if he wasn’t already on his knees…

 

“Damn girl!” He loves the sounds he can draw out of her but it always amazes him what she can do to him. Sometimes he doesn’t even recognize his own voice. “Lemme go... “ Her laughter and the way she settles back on the bed is so simple, but it touches him in places her mouth and fingers can’t reach. 

 

“Daryl I thought you were gonna…” Leaning over her he takes a nipple into his mouth and worries it with his teeth making her moan.

 

“I am. In a minute…” He scoots between her legs again but keeps going dragging the comforter and blanket down her body with him. He hears the whimper he knows she tried to hold back. Moving between her legs, his head pillowed on one thigh, the other draped over his shoulder he doesn’t waste any time. And going by how wet she is it isn’t gonna take long. Which is okay. This time.

 

He wants her to feel good, wants her to fall asleep sated, body humming from an orgasm. Maybe two. If he’s lucky.

 

She's shaking even before he gets his mouth on her. He licks along her outer lips then parts them with his tongue, licks up to her clit and circles it before leaning in and covering the whole thing with his mouth and sucking hard until she’s arching her back and making a song out of his name. 

 

Spent she falls back down on the bed but he doesn’t move yet, he stays where he is pressing soft kisses to her inner thigh because even there he can feel the tremors as they even out. And this is such a turn on and maybe he’s weird but the way her body works and the things he can do to it fascinates him.

 

Maybe it’s more about love than anything else. He loves her and she loves him and that’s enough right there to get him going and keep him going for as long as she wants.

 

She said forever and he won’t argue with her.

 

“Daryl…” Raising himself up he moves back up between her legs, kneels there and looks down at her. Post orgasmic high looks so fucking good on her. He wants to be there too. Wrapped around her sleepy and warm and smelling like sex.

 

Taking care of the condom he gets a hand under her knee and she shivers as the head of his cock rubs her tender flesh.

 

“Gonna come fer me again?” he rasps thrust his hips forward, sinking into her. She wraps her leg around his back and he lowers himself down so he’s laying on top of her, elbows on either side of her head. She brings a hand to his face, runs her fingers down his temple to his lips.

 

“Get them wet…” Sucking them into his mouth he swirls his tongue around them and as he eases out just a bit her fingers are there on her clit and he thrusts into her again not worrying about taking it slow anymore, just pounding into her fast and then faster.

 

“Ya gotta come... I’m close.” Panting over her, hearing her gasp, he can even feel it, those first flutters and then he’s gone over that precipice and he’s pretty sure she followed.

 

Because sometimes they get lucky and it happens like this.

 

It isn’t long before the sweat they worked up dries and their bodies are soft and the comforter and blankets get pulled back up. Beth is right back where she was before as close to him as is humanly possible. Her hair is drying and the wild curls are everywhere including his face, tickling his nose until he blows them away with a puff of breath. Finally, he gives up and curls up around her and buries his face in the offending curls.

 

“I love you Daryl…” she murmurs from the cocoon she’s made out of his body.

 

“Enough ta marry me?” He’s sure she’s sure, but old habits die hard and he needs to reassure himself. Her soft laughter is a balm but he’s waiting for the words.

 

“A hundred times over…” Yeah. That’s it. Right there.

 

“I love ya too girl.”

 

****  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I was late and I’m sorry! I lay the blame completely on the kids! All of them… they put me through the ringer! But I did the thing all moms do, I survived. And I finished and I have to say I am a little proud of this one… that marriage proposal came out of nowhere cause I wasn’t planning on going there.. ask arrowsandagels! She’ll vouch for me!! But it worked and she said yes!! Thank you for reading and whoever the anon is that always asks if I am posting… if you’re reading that always makes me feel good! So thank you!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Beth’s walking away from things and Daryl’s walking towards them. That’s my corny cryptic note. And before anyone asks... no Daryl didn’t go to Hershel before he proposed. It doesn’t always happen that way. It definitely wasn’t happening that way in this story.**

 

 

Sophia’s at the dining room table doing homework when Daryl finds her. On a Saturday. 

 

“Hi Uncle Daryl,” she says scribbling away on a piece of graphing paper. 

 

“Hey, whatcha doing?’

 

“Algebra,” she groans, “which I suck at.” Daryl glances over her shoulder at the textbook open in front of her. He’d always liked his math classes and did pretty good when he was at school.

 

“Ya havin’ a problem?” he asks.

 

“When am I not? Why do they even make us learn this stuff? I’m never gonna use it!” Daryl chuckles and pulls up a chair beside her moving the book over so he can see what she’s working on.

 

“Which problem ya stuck on?” Daryl asks and Sophia taps her pencil one. A mixture of equations with letters and numbers cover most of the page along with a couple of comic-like illustrations geared to make it all look like fun. Taking her pencil Daryl writes out the problem slowly going through it step by step until he’s found the answer.

 

“You can do algebra?” Sophia is in awe of him and it’s weird and makes him uncomfortable.

 

“I like numbers,” Daryl mumbles.

 

“How come you never told me? Mom and dad are no help at all and the teacher smells funny- no way am I asking him for help!” 

 

“I can help ya.” 

 

“Yeah?” She still looks like she can’t believe what she’s hearing and it’s definitely still weird.

 

“Mmmhmm, but I need a favor.” He’s been thinking about this for a few days now, who he could ask for help.

 

“Sure!” This morning he realized that the perfect person has been right under his nose the whole time. 

 

“I, uh, I need a ring.” Her screech is ear piercing and he’s sure the rest of the family is gonna show up any second. “Damn girl! Keep it down!”

 

“You’re gonna ask Beth to marry you?” she lowers her voice and leans in conspiratorially once she picks up on the fact that it’s somewhat of a secret. Her eyes are sparkling and somehow he knew she’d be excited.

 

“Already did…”

 

“Without a ring? Uncle Daryl! What did she say?” He’s still beating himself up about the ring. And the proposal. He hadn’t planned it, it had just happened. And according to Beth, it was perfect.

 

“What the hell ya think she said? But I wanna get her a ring.” Sophia’s grinning from ear to ear and she’s even a little teary eyed.

 

“Yes! I wanna help you… we’ll find the perfect ring! When are we going? Now? Should I-” She’s bouncing on the chair.

 

“Nah ya gotta finish yer algebra.” Groaning she plops back down and picks up her pencil. “Why ya got homework on a weekend anyway?”

 

“Oh…” Her cheeks are pink and she’s avoiding his eyes. “I have this class with Carl and we sit together and if he checks my paper I don’t want to look stupid.” Carl Grimes. Again. Well, at least he’s a good influence so far.

 

“Yeah? Cool, I like Carl.” He won’t tease her. He needs her but he will have a chat with Carl real soon. “Don’ say nothin’- ta nobody,” Daryl says taking her pencil to correct her work.

 

“Oooh! A secret, how romantic! I knew you guys were gonna fall in love…” She’s giggling and bumping him with her elbow.

 

“Stop.” It’s half-hearted because this feels good. Like the proposal, he’s going with his gut. If anyone can guarantee he finds a ring Beth will love it will be his niece. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Six months in jail and six months in a rehabilitation program.

 

And he doesn’t want to see his own daughters.

 

Hershel was at Shawn’s sentencing along with Amy and this is the outcome. Knowing how to feel, what to feel is impossible. Maybe this is a step in a better direction. Maybe Shawn will get the help he needs. Maybe he will get a second chance with his family.

Maybe it will all be okay.

 

Maybe isn’t good enough as far as Beth is concerned. But it’s all they have.

 

Her phone vibrates on the table beside her. A text from Daryl. Picking it up she glances at Maggie.

 

“I need to take this…” Pushing out her chair she heads for the front door. The old wooden floors squeak and creak as she goes. Being here is like being haunted. She felt it walking up to the house earlier, the charred remains of half of the barn a glaring reminder of how incredibly fast things can change.

 

Daryl’s message is there in little black letters but it’s his voice she hears in her head as she reads it.

 

_ -Where are you _

 

Smiling down at her phone she’s just about to text back when the smell hits her. Burnt wood. Her smile falters as she raises her head. She’s standing right about where she was that night when he came out of the barn with Abbi in his arms.

 

_ Uncle Daryl flew out of the barn with me! _

 

In her hand, the phone is vibrating again. This time it’s a call and not a text.

 

“Hi…” 

 

_ Hey, where are ya? Sent a text… _

 

“At the farm, I came over with Maggie, to talk to my daddy and Amy…”

 

_ Oh, I’ll let ya go- _

 

“I’m not in the house anymore, I came outside... I needed-” To breathe. She needed to breathe but she ended up here, looking at this, all of this- so much for breathing.

 

_ What are ya doing Beth?  _

 

“I’m just... looking at the barn.” It would be a vague statement if he didn’t know. But he knows.

 

_ I’m coming ta get ya… _

 

“Daryl you don’t have to drive over here and get me Maggie will be leaving and I can-”

 

_ Not driving quit looking at that fuckin’ barn. I ain’t in it. Meet me in the woods. _

 

She can hear his breathing change and the sounds coming through the phone are different too. He’s outside, probably already heading into the woods. 

 

“Okay.” She doesn’t have to force herself to walk away, he’s out there, coming for her. She didn’t want to be here anyway. Not now. When Amy and the girls are settled and there’s some life here again...

 

Maybe. 

 

The woods are like a promise. They’re perfect. They are as much a part of her childhood as the house behind her. But it doesn’t feel like she’s suffocating when she’s in them. Dappled sunlight flashing on the ground as a breeze makes the leaves dance and birds, all over, everywhere, calling out to one another, singing just because. 

 

She feels like she felt after first meeting Daryl. The day they had a bird funeral and then hoping she’d see him again.

 

And all the other times she went off into the woods to find him on the other side.

 

She can see him up ahead. He’s standing there hands in his pockets, waiting. He’s wearing a flannel and it makes her think of the blanket on their couch and how wrapping up in it and him would be perfect right now. 

 

He catches her eye although he probably saw her coming long before she saw him. When he holds out his hand she doesn’t hesitate to reach back and then he’s got her pressed up against him.

 

“Ya okay?” The concern in his blue eyes always hits her right in the heart. But this time there’s something else there.

 

“I am now. I mean, I was. I just didn’t want to be there. I know we have to talk about Shawn and plans have to be made, but I think I was done. At least for today.” It’s simple. Or it is now out here with Daryl.

 

He takes her hand again and they start back the way he came. 

 

“What’d they give him?” 

 

“A year. With rehabilitation.” Daryl just nods in that way he always does. He’s listening and thinking but he won’t say anything until what he says is something he thinks is important. She’s learned that about him. She, on the other hand, is the opposite. She talks and talks until she figures things out. “You know when you think you know someone? More than anyone else in the world? You know them because you’ve spent most of your life with them.. and then that person is just gone?”

 

His eyes flick to her and then back to the trees. But she can see that this has touched him in some way. This is about more than her and her brother. 

 

“Yeah, I do.” His brother, his past. He probably understands better than anyone else could. 

 

“I know I should hate him. But I don’t. He’s my brother and I still love him. Do you think that makes me crazy?” He stops her there in the middle of the woods and wraps his arms around her, rests his lips against her forehead.

 

“Ya ain’t crazy,” he says softly. Slipping her arms inside his shirt she winds them around his torso. She can hear his heartbeat and it always makes her feel better.

 

“Why’d you walk over and get me, Daryl?” It’s barely a whisper and she’s not sure he even heard hear.

 

“Cause I’m here.” Not there. 

 

“I know. And I’m okay.” She saw the barn and the next time she sees it, it won’t hurt as bad. It won’t make her feel like she can’t breathe.

 

“Look.” He’s pointing to something on the ground. 

 

“Daryl it’s….” This time the thing that takes her breath away isn’t a burnt up barn. It isn’t even the tiny grave from all those months ago. She was just thinking about it, the day they met.

 

He’s holding out his hand.

 

He kept his word.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Finishing Sophia’s homework had been the least of their problems- when the boys found out that she and Daryl were going somewhere they wanted to go too. The bickering between the three of them brought Carol into the room.

 

Sophia had started crying, real tears even. It had been so convincing she’d even shut both of her brothers up. She’d also left him feeling like he’d missed something.

 

They’re headed out and Sophia said no mall and he’d been relieved. The mall is worse than Walmart. And Walmart isn’t an option he’ll even consider.

 

“Where we goin’?” he asks curiously because Sophia seems pretty confident and that combined with the fact that she didn’t take him to the mall is just odd.

 

“You know where the old hardware store is? Not the one downtown, the other place, the big one.” 

 

He knows the place she’s talking about. It’s in a shopping center in the part of town that tried to be new 20 years ago but never quite lived up to it. Now it’s just the rundown, almost the wrong side of the tracks, part of town. It’s not really even in their town. It’s on the border, in-between, a place that’s kind of been forgotten. 

 

At least it was when he was living here before. He can’t imagine it’s changed all that much.

 

“What the hells over there?” Nothing good is what he’s thinking.

 

“It’s a place I went with dad. Just trust me, Uncle Daryl.” Shaking his head he figures they can always hit the mall if they absolutely have too. But his niece has been surprising him all morning.

 

“That was some pretty good actin’ ya did back there,” he says nonchalantly. She doesn’t look up at him as she picks at the seam in her jeans. And he senses he’s touched on something.

 

“I wasn’t acting, not really,” she says softly. Daryl absolutely does not know what to do with that. Maybe this is why he had the feeling he’d had. “It was so scary watching the barn burn.. and Beth, she was screaming and fighting my dad cause he was holding her. Carl’s dad came out and we waited… I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t want you to go away again.”

 

Oh.

 

“Didn’t mean ta scare ya... I had ta get Abbi outta there. Me and Rick, once we heard those little girls were in there we had ta go in and get ‘em.” He hadn’t thought about dying, just that he needed to get the girls out. 

 

“Yeah, you’re pretty much a hero. Both of you.” There it is again. That word. 

 

“I ain’t-”

 

“You are. Carl’s dad too. We both think so.” Her smile is smug.

 

“That right? Ya been talking ta Carl about me?” A blush has blossomed on her cheeks and that smile she was wearing looks a little strained.

 

“Uncle Daryl! He’s my friend…” It feels good to put the spotlight back on her. Off of him.

 

“Uh huh… And I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” Her response is a bigger smile and a little nod of her head.

  
  


A pawn shop. He was right about the shopping center, it hasn’t changed all that much. But a pawn shop? If he had to guess he wouldn’t have picked a place like this in a million years.

 

“Sophia, what the hell did yer daddy bring ya out here for?” Granted pawn shops aren’t necessarily bad places and the ones that are operating honestly do provide a service that’s needed, but a lot of times it’s all wrapped up in other illegal activities.

 

“I know what you’re thinking but this place isn’t like that. You know Otis right?”

 

Daryl nods, Otis is the farm hand that Hershel has had around forever. Merle talked about him back when he was helping out on the farm.

 

“His wife Patricia has a sister and this is her place. She’s a biker! You’ll like her! This is where daddy got mama’s ring. And he brought me with him. I picked out the ring and my mama still loves it!” She says proudly getting out of the truck.

 

“Yer daddy got your mama a ring from a pawn shop?” Daryl is wondering how in the hell Merle ever got away with that when Sophia grabs his hand.

 

“Just come on!” 

 

The inside of the shop is just as he’d expected. It’s a little dark and filled with various items one would find in a place like this. Musical instruments, high-end electronics, video game consoles, a few power tools. Inside a glass counter, he sees watches of all kinds including the newest ones that you can talk too. There are also some gaudy rings and strings of pearls mixed in with the watches. Nothing he’d ever imagine giving to Beth.

 

He’s seen Carol’s engagement ring. She still wears it right next to her wedding band. It’s a nice ring with a sizable diamond. Daryl would never have guessed it came from a pawn shop.

 

“Hi there, how can I help- Sophia?” A big muscular woman comes out from behind the counter. She’s got some tattoos and a black t-shirt with a flag on it and she definitely looks like she could handle a big ole Harley.

 

“Hi, Sylvia!” Sophia is enveloped in a huge hug and then she’s pulling the woman over to Daryl. “Uncle Daryl this is Sylvia. Uncle Daryl is gonna ask his girlfriend to marry him and he needs a ring.” 

 

“Well hello, Daryl. Glad to meet you. You’re going to propose huh?” He likes her smile. It’s genuine and Sophia is still holding on to her hand.

 

“Well, uh… I did that part. I just need a ring.” Daryl feels his cheeks burning and he wonders why he even cares. He doesn’t know this woman and how he chose to propose is his business.

 

“Believe me, it happens! I’m assuming your girl loves you so much she probably doesn’t even care,” she says winking at him. “Those are the best kind!”

 

“Can I tell her who it is Uncle Daryl? She won’t say anything. It’s like a customer privacy thingy or something..” She seems so excited that all Daryl can do is shrug. What does he care?

 

“It’s Beth Greene!”

 

“Little Beth Greene? I guess she’s not so little anymore is she?” Sylvia says.

 

Otis and Patricia. So that means Sylvia knows Beth. Daryl huffs out a breath. And shifts from one foot to the other as Sylvia continues to smile at him.

 

“Uh, yeah it’s Beth.” He’s not concerned that she’ll comment on anything because she doesn’t look like the type but he’s kinda tensed up expecting something.

 

“Well, then we need something perfect for her. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her and her family. They went through some pretty tough times. My sister’s heart broke for them all.” She goes on talking as she heads back around the counter and through another door.

 

“Come on Uncle Daryl!” Sophia says exasperatedly.

 

It turns out that besides the pawn shop Sylvia specializes in rings. Mainly engagement and wedding rings. Her father was a jeweler and she inherited a love for rings but life had not taken her down that path was how she put it. A loud motorcycle, a bearded biker and a lot of years on the road was her path. Until she lost the biker to cancer and needed to settle down.

 

“We grew up out here on a small chicken farm. My mother took care of the chickens and my father sold rings. He made some of his own too. Taught me everything I know. But I mainly stick to selling the ones I come across in the shop or through other dealers.” 

 

She pulls a few drawers out of a safe. Velvet lined with little grooves in them, each drawer is full of rings. Not the gaudy stuff in the store, but rings like you’d see in an upscale jewelry store.

 

“Rings have always been my favorite piece of jewelry.” It’s then that Daryl notices that she’s wearing rings on almost all of her fingers. They’re silver except one. That one must be her wedding ring. 

 

Glancing down at the drawers she laid out on a table he’s overwhelmed with how many there are. But Sylvia seems to be used to this and she gets right down to business helping him weed out the ones he won’t buy and keeping the possibilities together. 

 

He silently takes back what he thought about Merle buying Carol a ring from a pawn shop. He is absolutely sure he’ll walk out of here with a ring for Beth and he won’t feel a bit bad about it. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Daryl?” A small circle sparkles from where it rests on his palm, fingers curled up just a bit to keep it from sliding off. This hand that has held her, wiped away her tears, fed her, touched her in places and ways that no other hand will ever be allowed… this hand holds the future. It holds a little piece of their forever. One that will last as long as it lasts.

 

“I shoulda had this when I… I…” Blinking back the tears and shaking her head she cups her hands around his.

 

“No… no… this is the way it’s supposed to be, this is..” Nothing about them will ever be by the book. 

 

“We buried a bird.” It feels like so long ago. And since then so much has happened.

 

“We did.”

 

“I think I mighta fell in love with ya that day…” He’s blushing. Even his ears and it’s the best thing because she knows how hard this is, talking about how he feels but he’s doing it. For her. He’s always doing things for her.

 

“I came back out here the next day hoping maybe you’d be hunting with the boys or… something.” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.” She looks down at the ring again. “Can I…”

 

“Shit. Yeah, ‘m sorry. Here.” Taking her hand he slides the ring onto her finger. It fits perfectly. 

 

“How did you…”

 

“Sophia. She helped me. Figured y’all had the same size fingers.” He’s still holding on to her hand. “Now it’s good.”

 

“It was never not good Daryl.. you have to know that. It’s been right from the very beginning and I didn’t need a ring but this, it’s beautiful and I love it and I love you and…” She’s done her best to keep her emotions in check for him but a girl can only take so much. 

 

And it’s been a day.

 

“Com’ere…” Sliding a hand into her hair he curls his fingers around the back of her neck and holds her there as he leans down and kisses her. It’s soft until it’s not and breathing could be a problem but she doesn’t care. Because this is Daryl and when he kisses her everything else goes away and it’s just the two of them. She breathes in the smell of him, his soap and his skin and when he pulls back a little she leans in not wanting it to end just yet. 

 

“Kiss me again Daryl,” she whispers. Leaning in again until the ends of his hair brush feather light against her cheeks and she can feel his breath warm on her face.

 

“How ‘bout you kiss me?” His eyes crinkle at the corners with a smile she can't see because she’s kissing him. Pushed up on her toes, one hand fisted in the collar of his shirt the other holding on to his shoulder she’s kissing him.

 

The entire world could burn down and she’d still be here kissing him.

 

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **No it’s not the end.. not yet! But it felt like it didn’t it? Hold on to that feeling. And thank you for reading and reviewing and commenting… xoxo**


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I’ve been waiting for this chapter.. :) I’m not disappointed. I hope you enjoy it and I apologize again for a delay! I didn’t even finish all my smut for smut week! Thank you for sticking with me and being so kind!**

Daryl’s in the shop working on his truck when she pulls in. Lunch with Maggie put her in an off mood but seeing Daryl with his new truck chases away the frustration she’s felt all afternoon. That’s how it always is, he makes her feel better just by being there.

 

Dropping her backpack at the bottom of the stairs she wanders into the shop. Hopping up on the tailgate she watches as he adjusts the side mirror he replaced.

 

“Lunch go okay?” he asks glancing over at her.

 

“Yes,” says and then, “no.” He considers her for a minute and then lays the screwdriver on the workbench and joins her on the tailgate.

 

“Wanna talk ‘bout it?” he asks running a finger up and down her thigh. Sighing she twists her ring watching as it catches the light. She also knows a little secret. Sofia might have taken her uncle to the shop and helped him pick out a few possibilities, but it was Daryl who decided on the ring she’s wearing on her finger.

 

“I showed Maggie the ring and she went into overdrive,” Beth says. After the hugs and tears and congratulations, she’d wanted to know when, did they have a date? Did Daryl go to Hershel first and why not? Are they going to do it this year and have a winter wedding or wait until next year for the spring? All Beth kept saying was, ‘I don’t know’ and finally Maggie threw up her hands and said, ‘Do you know anything?!’ She’d apologized and said she was just excited but by that time Beth had had enough and just wanted to leave.

 

“Kinda like Merle and Carol?” Sliding an arm around her shoulders he pulls her right up against him.

 

“Merle and Carol were fine. They were just excited and I liked that, I mean… Maggie just kept pushing, wanted answers. She wouldn’t let it go- let it be what it is.” Daryl doesn't say anything else for a couple of seconds. 

 

“Wha’ is it-” he asks, “ta you?”

 

“I-” Closing her mouth she thinks about that. She knows what it’s not. It’s not a rush to the altar because he asked and she said yes. It’s not dates and dresses or seasons and color schemes. None of that matters. 

 

He takes her hand, laces their fingers together and waits.

 

And it’s simple. This is it right here.

 

“It’s you and me, it’s ours. And I just, I don’t want to share it, don’t want to make about anything else yet.” Ducking her head she can feel the heat on her cheeks. Words aren’t good enough for a lot of things but when he squeezes her hand and puts his finger on the diamond pushing the ring back and forth making it catch the light as she had… 

 

Words sometimes aren’t needed.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Ya got anything ya gotta do this weekend?” He’s been thinking about this all afternoon, what they could do if she was free.

 

“No, laundry maybe, why?” There’s a hint of a smile on her face. She knows he’s got something up his sleeve and she likes it. Which is why he’s asking like this.

 

“I was thinkin’ I wanna take this truck for a ride and maybe I might throw in the tent and sleeping bags, my crossbow…” The smile that lights up her face makes him feel ten feet tall. He can fix anything, even his sad girl.

 

“Camping?” she asks hopefully.

 

“Mmmhmm…” 

 

“Yes! That sounds perfect, just you and me and the woods and a fire and-”

 

“Beth?” Looking up at him expectantly with her big blue eyes, making everything in him melt or get hard he cups her cheek. “We ain’t gotta do nothing ‘til we’re ready. ‘S for me and you. Like ya said, ok?” She nods as he kisses her softly. “Go on an pack,” he whispers.

 

Hopping off the tailgate she heads out of the shop and he hears her feet echo on the stairs and the door opens and closes and he’s not sure but he thinks he can hear her singing something. Maybe he’s just hoping though.

 

He finds the tent and sleeping bags on the shelf where Merle put them. There’s a lantern there and he grabs it too. Tossing everything in the back of the truck he heads up to the apartment.

  
  


There’s an ice chest on the kitchen table. Daryl peeks inside. Beth packed the basics. More than enough. She also brought his special seasoning just in case he catches their dinner. He knows damn well she’d rather not have squirrel for dinner but he also knows that if he catches it she’ll eat it. and it’s not just because she’s polite and wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.. well maybe it’s a little bit about that. She just does things for him because she loves him. 

 

He can hear her humming to herself in the bedroom so she probably was singing. He leans in the doorway and watches her folding clothes and tucking them in a duffle bag on the bed. Coming up behind her he slides his arms around her waist and kisses her neck.

 

“Put whatever you need in here,” she breathes leaning back against him. He’s listening to her but he’s also busy enjoying the feel of her. “Thought we were getting ready to go Daryl…” She’s right if he keeps this up the only place they’re gonna end up is on the bed. A box in the duffle bag catches his eye. Reaching over her shoulder he plucks it up.

 

“Think we’re gonna need all these?” he asks shaking the box. 

 

“Mmm, better to be prepared. It’s our first camping trip, Daryl. Outdoors under the stars or in the tent… I wanna try-” She can’t finish because she’s giggling and blushing a bright pink. He thinks about the lantern he tossed in the truck with the other stuff- you can’t see anything in a dark tent.

 

“Good idea.” Kissing her again he lets her go and rummages through his side of the closet. He adds a hoodie, pair of sweats and extra socks to the bag. She’s humming again and it’s perfect. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The road is lined with trees, some of which are starting to change colors- finally. They’re running away. Kind of. And she’s excited because they’ve been talking about doing this for a while now. And ever since the fire, she’s felt restless. Every day needs to count, every moment, all of them. This one, it feels like magic. Sitting here beside him, pushing a little for a hint at where they’re headed and him being tight-lipped and teasing. He’s quiet, that’s just Daryl. He talks more with her now than he did in the beginning. But sometimes it’s the things he doesn’t say that speaks the loudest. The places he takes her, the things he shows her, these reveal more about him than anything he could try and put into words. 

 

Like now, she asks where they’re going and he just smiles- a little half smile, like a secret. It’s a secret until they get there and it’s not anymore. This is how he does things. 

 

“Wanna play a game?” she asks after they’ve been driving for a little while. He’s purposely teasing her about where they’re going so she’s going to torture him just a little.

 

He gives her a look and even though he doesn’t say anything she can hear his voice in her head, ‘what the hell girl?’. It's so clear it makes her laugh.

 

“Come on Daryl! Just indulge me okay?”

 

“Whatever,” he says shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Okay, it’s supposed to be a drinking game but we can’t drink so… how about a kiss?” 

 

“Don’t need a game ta kiss ya.”

 

“True- but it’s a fun way to find out things about each other. Stuff we might not know yet.” Daryl looks doubtful about that.

 

“Wha’ kinda things?” he asks suspiciously.

 

“Whatever we want! Okay, first I say something I’ve never done and if you have done it, you kiss me. And if you haven’t then I kiss you…” It dawns on her as she says it that nobody really loses in this game.

 

“So we’re just sayin’ shit and kissin’?”

 

“I guess there’s a reason for the alcohol huh?” 

 

“Alright, les’ play.”

 

About fifty kisses in she realizes the game isn’t going anywhere and some of the things they’ve never done have a lot to do with the lives they’ve lived and that’s not a good feeling.

 

Most of her ‘I nevers’, have a lot to do with not having her mama with her when she needed her most. But Daryl, he missed out on being loved by a parent the way a child should be and he doesn't want her pity but her heart is breaking for all the things he never had and should have.

 

Of course, he picks up on the change in her mood right away.

 

“Whas’ a matter?”

 

“Nothing, I, I kinda hoped it would be fun- but we missed out on a lot of nevers we should’ve had…” Not only him. Her too, but somehow his hurt more.

 

“But the kissing part was good,” Daryl says quietly reaching for her hand.

 

“Yeah- it was.” They’re getting deeper into the woods now. The trees are starting to become silhouettes along the side of the road as the sun sinks towards the horizon. It’s getting dark earlier and earlier. They might be putting up a tent with flashlights. It’s just another adventure and something she’s never done.

 

“Daryl if you could change one of your nevers which one would it be?”

 

“Some things ya can’t change Beth.”

 

“But some you can- like I've never been on an airplane. I still have time to change that.” He’s gnawing on his lip, thinking.

 

“I never had sex in a tent.” He’s trying not to smile but she can see he wants too. He also wants to turn this around, make her feel better.

 

“Me either!” He won’t ever let her be sad, not if he can fix it. He lifts his arm up and she scoots in close.

 

“Never thought I’d fall in love, never really cared ‘bout it either.” The game is still going but these are the nevers they’re getting because they met.

 

“Never thought I’d be happy again- not like this.” 

 

“What happened ta kissin’?” he asks.

 

So she kisses him. His cheek and neck, the places she can reach while he drives.

 

“If ya don’t stop I’m gonna have ta pull over,” he says huskily. Which doesn’t sound like a bad idea but they’ve got all weekend and there’s the tent in the back where they can make one of the of their, ‘I nevers’ a reality.

 

“Okay, I’ll behave. For now.” Beth whispers settling beside him and thinking about how the road in front of them goes on forever with something new around every bend.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The parking lot for the campground is empty which isn’t surprising considering it’s late in the season for camping. Daryl locked up the truck and they carried everything they needed in with them.

 

The mile walk into the designated camping area is surreal- it feels like they crossed a line, stepped over into another place where it's only them. Its like they’re the only two people that exist in the world.

 

Beth insisted on carrying half the load and it’s a hell of a lot but she’s still paying attention to everything else around them. They’re loaded down with stuff and she’s still wide-eyed and beautiful as she breathes in the woods around her. Screeching jays in the trees overhead make her smile and he’ll do just about anything to see that smile.

 

“You think they’re cussing us? Telling us to get out of their woods?” Daryl grunts in agreement. The birds take flight and a squirrel goes scurrying up the trunk of the tree they just vacated. His arms are full otherwise he’d grab his crossbow and get themselves some dinner. He notices Beth’s smug smile and glares at her. She’s looking forward to roasted hotdogs and s’mores, she admitted that earlier on the drive so he’ll give her that tonight. Tomorrow night he’s gonna enjoy making her eat squirrel.

 

Tiny white star-shaped flowers flank the trail and Beth manages, even with her arms full, to pick a few and tuck them int her braid. It suits her, makes her look even younger than she already does. They come to a wide glade where the trees fall away revealing a deep blue sky. Daryl points towards a little wooden post on the edge of the glade. There’s evidence of a campfire and the ground is bare, proof that the area has been used somewhat recently.

 

They set everything down and Beth takes a few steps out into the glade.

 

“Maybe we’ll be able to see the stars, Daryl!”

 

Maybe.

 

“Hope so.” If he could he’d make damn sure they can. Just for her.

 

By the time they get set up and gather wood for a fire it’s starting to get dark and with all the trees blocking what sunlight there is left, the woods accelerate the twilight. He likes this time of day or night. Inbetween. Beth peeks her head out of the tent, a smirk on her face.

 

“Come look,” she says as she disappears behind the flap of the door. Squatting down he crawls in behind her. She’s sitting on the sleeping bags that she unrolled and zipped together making the two single bags into a double. She looks so damn proud of herself he isn’t gonna spoil it by telling her this is all he’s been thinking about since he asked her to go camping- crawling into a sleeping bag with her.

 

“Is it bedtime yet?” His voice is thick and low. Whatever Beth hears in it has her reaching for him a soft sigh on her lips. It’s easy enough to go and he lays her back on the sleeping bag, the bed she made for them, the one he already knew he wanted. 'I never…' that damn game she had him playing. She has no idea that she’s more than just the girl who not only took his, ‘I never thought I’d fall in love..’, she took his heart too.

 

And as far as he concerned she can have all of him. Forever.

 

He’s got her pinned and he’s just working her into a frenzy, lips, and teeth on the sensitive skin of her neck when her belly rumbles.

 

“I think I need hot dogs and s’mores first…” Her warm breath in his hair gives him goosebumps. Pushing himself up on his elbows he leans in and kisses her nose.

 

“Alright- wanna get the fire going?” Along with hunting and crossbow practice, Daryl’s been teaching the boys outdoor survival skills. Beth tags along on their walks into the woods and they’ve all decided she’s the fastest at getting a fire going. Even when they were doing it without matches.

 

It impressed the hell out of the boys. Him too, if he’s being honest. But he’s learned to expect this from her, proof that she’s so much more than what people might think just by looking at her.

 

“Yep, I’ll do that!”

 

The only reason it’s easy to leave the tent it knowing they’ve got it to look forward too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Marshmallow and chocolate are still sticky on her lips when she takes his hand and drags him out into the open, away from the trees. He knows this because the first thing he does is kiss her. Right there under the stars. She got her hot dog and her s’mores. Now all he wants is her. But she’s got other plans. Batting his hands away she turns in his arms and tips her head to look up at the sky.

 

“I can’t believe how many stars we can see out here! I thought we had it good at home but… Look up there right above the treeline,” she says pointing to the sky. He glances over at it but he’d rather watch her, the expression on her face as she’s looking at the stars. “Do you see?”

 

“Uh huh” But he doesn’t, not really. There are so many stars out here he swears he can see their reflection on her skin.

 

“You're not looking!” Pulling his arms around her chest she leans back against him. And he decides to indulge her. He knows the night sky. All the hours he spent walking and hunting, even sleeping in the woods, he learned things.  An old encyclopedia he managed to hide from his dad and a kind school librarian let him give proper names to the things he saw and took comfort in.

 

“That’s Orion and over there, that’s Mars. Big Dipper’s easy…” She’s looking up at him, and yep the starlight is definitely in her eyes. “Supposed ta be lookin’ at the stars.”

 

“I am.” It’s a soft reply and not very convincing. Raising her arm she points again.

 

“There’s Pegasus.” She traces the big square with her pointed finger and trails out to the smaller stars that make up the legs. He knows the constellation, he might have missed that one though if she hadn’t pointed it out.

 

“Ya like that one?” Little girl who loved horses, still does, that has to be her favorite.

 

“Yeah, I mean I love ‘em all. They make me feel like anything is possible ya know? But Pegasus was the first one I saw on my own. In the loft… I had a book.” Yeah, that sounds about right, “What about you?”

 

“Prolly the North Star.” When he was little he figured if sailors used it as a guide he could too. All it took was getting lost one time in the woods. From then on he made sure he paid attention out there too, where it was quiet, where no one yelled and no one hurt him.

 

But he was always alone and now that he’s not anymore he doesn’t want to think about the reasons why he was out there by himself. 

 

“To guide you home…” She knows. And whatever she felt a moment ago was part of this. 

 

A little boy, a little girl, looking at the stars, looking to the stars for comfort or answers or just as a way to escape.

 

“Don’ need it no more,” he whispers against her cheek.

 

“Take me to bed Daryl..” Turning in his arms to face him she lays her hands against his cheeks. Ducking his head he kisses her, sticky, sweet kisses, if he had the words he’d give her a poem about how she’s his favorite star, his north star and he only needs to look to her to find home.

 

But he’s not a poet. So all he can do is show her.

 

Taking her hand this time he’s the one leading. Inside the tent, they strip down to bare skin and crawl into the sleeping bag. She’s all arms and legs trying to wrap herself around him laughing and shivering. Ducking under the covers he cups her breast in his hand and covers it with his mouth flicking his tongue across the already hard nipple. Her back arches and he hears the hiss of her breath. Her hands find his head, fingers burrowing into his hair, tugging him to the other breast and then back up to her mouth that’s still sweet from the s’mores.

 

“Ya cold?” he whispers.

 

“A little but you’re helping… don’t stop..” Breathless. He does this to her. It leaves him in awe every time. 

 

“Whada ya want me ta do?” he groans as her clever little hand slips between them and finds his hard cock. The soft throb he’s felt all evening tightening his balls and unconsciously he thrusts against her hand.

 

“Kiss me everywhere…” Leaning in he brushes her lips, presses little kisses on her cheeks, the bridge of her nose, her eyelids until she’s giggling. Then he captures her mouth and strokes her tongue with his, traces her lower lip before sucking it into his mouth. She makes a small sobbing sound and angles her head giving him more access.

 

He slides a hand down her back cupping her backside, holding her against him as he pushes himself into her hand. Kissing her shoulder and across her collarbone he lowers his head to breasts again, raining kisses all over them before moving lower.

 

“Yes.. there.. go there.” She catches her breath and he feels her belly tense beneath his lips. She’s already spread her legs and all he has to do is maneuver his way down. Which isn’t as easy as it seems. He hears the snick of the zipper and feels Beth’s hand on his head encouraging him. Laying his palms on the insides of her thighs he brushes a kiss lightly at the crease of each one and up over her mound. Her thighs are trembling and she’s whimpering his name now, protesting the fact that he’s ‘making her crazy’. 

 

“Said ta kiss ya all over… ‘m doin’ that Beth.” His breath is hot against her center and he knows that, did it purposefully to tease her. He feels her fingers in his hair again, pulling him closer.

 

“More.. use your tongue. God Daryl.. just make me come…” He can’t deny her, not for most things and certainly not when she starts talking like this. He traces her slit with his tongue, opens her up and buries his face in her pussy finding her clit and laving his tongue over it, around it until she’s squirming under him. Her orgasm flows through her like a wave. And he wants to feel it before it’s gone completely. She whimpers at the loss of his warm mouth but just as quickly wraps her legs around his waist and he scrambles for the condom cussing under his breath as he tears at it with his teeth. Her hands cover his and she takes over, slides the condom on and it’s so fucking good he thinks he could just kneel here and let her jerk him off cause they've never done that, not yet... 

 

“Wanna feel you come too…” he breathes as he holds her hips and eases into her.

 

“Roll over.. if I, I wanna be on top. I can, I can come again maybe if..” He can bet if there was enough light he’d see a blush on her beautiful face. That’s the best part. She’s nice and sweet and when she says things that make her blush it’s almost as good as her touch.

 

“Fuck.. yeah, okay..” Rolling them both over she straddles him and takes his cock in her hand. “Wait Beth.. wait..” The lantern’s by his backpack and he reaches out and grabs it and flicks the switch. 

 

She’s bathed in a soft yellow light, naked on top of him. Her small breasts cast shadows on the tent wall and he reaches up and pinches a nipple, pulling on it when she moans and arches her back. Letting his hand slide down to his cock he takes it in his hand and strokes it while she watches.

 

“I like that…” Shy little whisper as she raises up and lowers herself over him. Once she’s resting her hands on his chest he starts to thrust up but she shakes her head. “No, let me... let me do this..” She starts slow, raising up and then going back down unsure at first because she looks to him a question on her face.

 

“Yeah, that’s good Beth.. so fuckin’ good.” His assurance gives her confidence and she lets go and does what feels good for her too. Riding him harder and harder until his thighs are trembling under her. Wanting to make sure she comes with him, he slips two fingers between the lips of her pussy and teases her clit. He swears he can feel her come even before he’s lost in his own bliss. 

 

Pulling her down onto him he continues to thrust into her until both of their bodies are spent, pleasure just a soft pulse. Turning them both on their sides he gets rid of the condom and tugs the sleeping bags up over them. It’s cold and going to get colder. They’ll need their sweats and hoodies but for now, he wants to feel her sweat-slicked skin against his. Nothing else between them. She rests her head on his outstretched arm and kisses the corner of his mouth.

 

“One ‘I never’ down…” she whispers and laughs softly.

 

“I love ya Beth..”  _ and I never wanna stop.  _ The words are there in his head. She’s coaxing more and more of them out. Maybe one day he will be able to give her poem that isn’t just touches and kisses. 

 

“I love you more…” Her voice is thick with sleep that’s coming fast now.

 

“Never..” he whispers back. Her soft contented sigh and the way she curls into him, she’s giving him this. He can love her more. Maybe tomorrow she’ll challenge him but for now, he can have it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They aren’t done camping just yet… and stars… I love stars. **Let me know what you think!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **You might think this camping trip couldn't get any better… I didn’t think so either! I say it every time, I know… but I mean it, I appreciate all of your comments and reviews and I am so glad you love this as much as I do. Enjoy!**

 

The crossbow is heavy and she still hasn’t managed to cock it without Daryl’s help. He’s explained draw weight and bow length but she still feels inadequate when she tries to do it herself and can’t. The scope gives her trouble too. But she’s learned to accommodate for that. And she can shoot it and hit a target. So that’s something. Plus she enjoys it. There’s something empowering about being able to handle the weapon that Daryl loves.

 

Earlier this morning, after waking with the sun and a quick breakfast they’d taken the fishing gear and crossbow and headed down to the river. Beth brought along a blanket and water and fruit and they’d found the perfect spot.

 

Daryl teased her with his live bait, a container of worms- and she bet him she’d catch the first fish.

 

“Whada we bettin’ on?” She could tell by the expression on his face he intended to win. But fishing was something she didn’t need help with.

 

“Um, loser has to… eat one of your worms!” It was ridiculous and after she blurted it out she realized she might have made a mistake. Because there was a very good chance she’d lose. 

 

“Sure about that?” The smug smile on his face made it impossible to retract the bet so she just nodded.

 

“If you’re gonna tease me with them like a mean little boy, I'm gonna make you eat one like a smart little girl.” It had been a childish bet but being out in the woods far away from every except each other, she felt free.

 

“Gotta catch a fish first girl.” 

 

They found a spot where the river widened and there was hardly any current. A fallen tree and large rocks created a pool where it’s likely fish will be hanging out. She baited her hook and glanced over at Daryl to make sure he was preoccupied before dipping her fingers into the water and rubbing them vigorously on her jeans. The slimy feel of the worm turned her stomach but she was determined to show Daryl up and win the bet.

 

It didn't take long to do exactly that. The first little tug on her line had her on her feet reeling it in and even though it wasn’t worthy of a meal and she tossed it back, she’d won the bet. Daryl took his loss a lot better than she would’ve. He dug one of the slimy worms out of the styrofoam container and she cringed as he held it up over his mouth, let it drop and swallowed it whole.

 

He’d smirked at her and then proceeded to chase her along the river bank threatening to kiss her. When she tripped over a tree root Daryl was at her side in a flash, his playfulness turning to concern and anger at himself for chasing her. Once she convinced him she was fine, he’d wiped his mouth with his hand and kissed her chastely on the cheek.

 

Neither of them felt like fishing anymore so they continued along the bank exploring and skipping rocks. It was then that they’d come across the pine cones and Daryl asked if she wanted to do a little target practice.

 

Which is what they’re doing now. She’s hit 3 out of 5 pine cones when he comes up behind her. 

 

“Could get ya one of yer own ya know,” he says. It makes him feel good when they do this stuff together. The things he loves. Even when it’s with the boys, she can see the pride on his face as he watches his nephews.

 

“I’d like that Daryl. At least for target shooting, I don’t…”

 

“Ya ain’t gotta hunt. I’d never make ya do anythin’ ya don’ like Beth.” His hands on her shoulders are warm and he squeezes gently.

 

“I know you wouldn’t Daryl…” He’s made a couple of comments about how his dad forced him to kill things just for the sport of killing. He’d learned early on doing what his dad said and hating it was better than dealing with the punishment for disobeying. He hardened his heart though and knew once he could he’d only hunt for what he would use. Never just to kill. It breaks her heart over and over when he shares these pieces of himself with her. It answers the questions she has about him though. And even brings on new ones, like how did he walk away from that nightmare with such a big heart?

 

“It’s a good skill ta have, plus ya look hot when yer holding my bow,” he whispers into her hair. Lowering the bow gently to the ground she turns in his arms and kisses him fully on the mouth. Nudging his lips apart, her tongue tangles with his and she smiles at the moan this elicits. 

 

“Thought ya didn’t wanna kiss me?” he rasps sliding his hands down her back and over the curve of her behind.

 

“I saw your line Daryl, you didn’t even bait it,” she whispers kissing him again. “You let me win.” 

 

There’s a faint blush on his cheeks when she steps back. He could make excuses but he doesn’t. 

 

“Wasn’t gonna let ya eat a worm…”

 

“Always taking care of me, putting me first. Daryl Dixon- maybe you do love me more.” If he needs this, to believe he loves her more, for whatever reason, she’ll give it to him. This is her way of loving him more.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Growing up he learned to anticipate his father’s every move. He could read his dad’s mood, his actions, his unspoken words and adjust his behavior accordingly to avoid a beating that may or may not almost break him. Almost because WIll Dixon would never be merciful enough to kill him. It took a while to learn this and he suffered the consequences numerous times.  

 

But he did eventually come close to perfecting his ability to read his dad. Merle too- he and his brother are quite the pair, survivors, that's what Merle calls them. He found that he was good at reading people in general. It wasn’t a perfect science, too many outlying factors.

 

But he usually had a pretty good idea about a person within a very short time.

 

He knows Beth. But she’s the only one who can bring him to his knees, the only one who can do and say the things he never sees coming. She hadn’t been asleep last night, he knew it then and he has his doubts that she believes it, that he loves her more, not completely anyway. But just like last night, she’s letting him have it. 

  
  


“Com’on”

 

They leave everything by the river except the crossbow and walk deeper into the woods. The day is mild and the leaves on the trees flutter in the soft breeze. Somewhere a solitary songbird is singing his tiny heart out until their footfalls alert him to an intruder and he takes off out of the tree chirping his displeasure. 

 

Daryl feels most at home out here in the open air where he can run and nothing can stop him. Having Beth with him and knowing that she’s drawn to places like these too and that she trusts him enough to go where he leads, to take a chance, do things she’s never done before gives him the courage to take chances himself.

 

Everything about her and them was a chance he took. 

 

He’s looking for something in particular so he can take another chance.

 

“I think when school’s out for winter break I might try playing my guitar at a couple of little places that do that sort of thing.” This came out of nowhere. She’s been playing a lot lately, just little tunes she’s either working on or made up on the spot. And she sings to him sometimes. But she’s never talked about playing out in front of people.

 

“Yeah?” he glances over at her as they walk.

 

“Rosita works at a coffee shop slash bookstore and they have an acoustic open mike night.” Her face as she’s telling him about it- glows. She’s excited and nervous too, he can see that. She told him she stopped playing the piano and barely played the guitar after her mama died. She even stopped singing. 

 

“I think ya should if that’s what ya want.” This pleases her. 

 

“Would you come watch me?” A coffee shop with a bunch of people? It’s definitely not his type of place. And if he’s being honest Beth was definitely not his type of girl, or maybe it's the other way around, regardless now he wouldn't have it any other way.

 

And he’ll do anything for her. So.

 

“Course I’m gonna be there.” Her smile is even bigger and their walking along hands swinging between them and it’s like damn romance novel talking about school and the future and maybe changing her major because music makes her happy. He almost tells her the things he’s been thinking about doing too. But he holds back because he’s still so unsure and maybe she’d help him work through it, she will help him work through it when he's ready. He’ll get there. For now, he can listen to her. 

 

“Whas’ yer sister think of all this?” Not that it matters to him. Beth can do whatever she wants as far as he's concerned, but since she and her sister have gotten closer again Maggie’s opinion matters to Beth.

 

“Oh.. I haven’t said anything to her yet. I’ve just been thinking about it. And, I don’t know, I wanted to tell you first.” He has to stop and process this for a second. Because it’s kind of a big deal. At least it is to him.

 

She wanted to tell him first. Before anyone else. 

 

Bringing him to his knees.

 

He’s thinking of all the words he can say, the ways he can put them together to let her know what this means to him. And none of them seem right. He’s turning these thoughts over in his head when he sees it.

 

Maybe it’s ridiculous but he was looking for it and he found it and he wants her. All the time. 

 

There’s a tree and a place where the sun filters through its branches, falling in a little circle of light. Leading her to it he looks into her eyes. She smiles, of course, she does, but there’s a little question behind the smile. 

 

Taking the crossbow he leans it against the tree and shrugs off his flannel. He spreads it out on the ground in the sun. Glancing over at her he yanks his t-shirt over his head and unbuttons his jeans.

 

“I wanna…” he whispers huskily. Now that he’s actually doing it his body is responding.

 

“Here?” The look of wonder on her face is all he needs to keep going. Because he can see that she wants this too.

 

“Yeah.” It's in her hands now. Her blue eyes are flashing in the sun as she starts shedding her clothes, never taking her eyes off of him.

 

He’s so involved in watching her before he knows it she’s standing in front of him in just her bra and panties, a soft blush on her cheeks. Kicking off his boots and stepping out of his jeans he’s completely naked when he moves to take her in his arms. She shivers as he reaches behind her to unhook her bra. He adds it to their other clothes.

 

“All I gotta do is think ‘bout ya and,” he murmurs rubbing against her letting her feel him, “this is what ya do.” Her fingers brush across his chest, over his biceps and down until their palms are pressed together.

 

“I love the way you want me- it makes me feel… beautiful. You make me feel beautiful Daryl. How did I get so lucky?” Lacing their fingers together he follows her as she lowers herself to the blanket the words she said going around and around in his head. He’s the lucky one-he got the girl. Him.

 

He’s already on his knees. 

 

“Stop.. ‘s me who’s lucky.” 

 

“That’s what you think?”

 

“Mmmhmm.”

 

“You might get to be the one who loves me more, but I’m the lucky one- I get to be loved by you. Com’ere…”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When they’re together, anytime they’re together there are things that are constant, like the desire and the need and the fact that he knows exactly what to do to send her spiraling out of control in the best way possible. She knows his body too, knows what he likes and how he likes it. And they’re still learning.

 

But the way they get there, how they love, changes. 

 

There’s something more this time. It’s not just sex or both of them wanting to make sure the other feels so incredibly good. It’s not a rush to an orgasm. Or how many kisses they can share as they declare their love for one another while their lips are still pressed together. 

 

Underneath the sheltering canopy of green that the trees have made, in that little circle of light the love they make is softer somehow. At least it starts out that way. He’s braced up on his elbows looking down at her and her knees are bumping his hips as he thrusts slowly into her, as deep as he can go and then back out just a little, not all the way. Enough.

 

She rolls her hips up to meet him. He’s buried inside of her, their bodies flush so she can grind against his pelvic bone. But it’s not desperate, it’s still a soft, slow burn. His hands move to cradle her head and it’s his kisses that break something open inside of her. His kisses and his fingers in her hair and how he keeps saying he loves her, whispering it, tracing it with his tongue on her collarbone. She wraps her legs around him, arches her back so she can take more of him whimpering when his teeth replace his tongue. His muscles are tense underneath her hands as she runs them down his back and he shivers as she strokes his scars with her fingertips. He raises above her, a shadow with the sun behind him. She lets a hand slip between them, feels where they’re connected, where his cock disappears inside of her. Her fingers dance over her clit and she sucks in a breath as her body clenches around him.

 

He stills her hand, moves it to his hip. And sinks into her again until he’s close enough to kiss. Sliding her hands into his hair she pulls him down to her and kisses him soft and slow, mimicking his thrusts with her mouth and tongue. He starts moving again and she urges him on meeting his thrusts with her own. Breaking the kiss he leans his forehead against hers, breath hot against her face.

 

“I love you… so fucking much... I do..” He’s panting and she knows he’s holding back. Waiting for her.

 

“I love you too… I want you to come Daryl…” Talking is almost impossible but they manage. Honest and raw the words tumble of out of his mouth so easily when he’s fucking her and on the edge.

 

“Can’t... without you…” He’s lying. He could. Very easily. But he won’t if she doesn’t. She knows this and it almost feels better than his hand that he snakes between them. One finger against her clit and she sees stars. Little white pinpricks of light on the back of her eyelids as feels her pussy contract around him. With a groan, his face is buried in her neck. He gives one final thrust and his entire body shudders against her. The weight of him holding her in place is delicious. Because if he wasn’t she’d surely float away.

 

They stay like that for a minute, catch their breath and then he rolls off of her and slides an arm under her bringing her closer, giving her a place to rest her head. She can hear his heart and feel hers, their rhythms almost match with his echoing hers a half a step behind. Like music. 

 

“ ‘M thinking ‘bout gettin’ my contractor's license. Abe’s been pushing, Merle too.” It’s almost like a confession. At least to Beth’s ears but it fills her up with something the same way the plans she’s making do. And she kind of saw this coming.

 

“Yeah? You should… I mean you have an eye for it. The things you can do… look at our apartment! And you like doing it.” Pushing in closer to him she kisses his chest. “I, I saw some brochures in the kitchen and I thought maybe, but I wanted to wait before I asked.”

 

“Got some paperwork too,” he mumbles. His self-confidence is the one thing about him that makes her angry. That he can’t always see and take pride in who and what he is. It’s not his fault and her anger isn’t directed at him- sometimes life isn’t all that fair.

 

“I’m proud of you Daryl.” She can hear it the rush of air from his lungs. He’s looking at her now and there’s a little discomfort in his eyes that her words bring but there’s something else shining there too. 

 

“Gonna help me figure it out? If I need ya to?” Reaching out and laying her hand against his cheek, scratching lightly at the scruff there she can’t help but feel a little lump in her throat.

 

“Of course I will Daryl. I’ll do anything for you.” The words haven’t been truer than they are right now. He’s always doing for her, making her feel like she’s the main priority, she can be his and he can be hers. The sun and the moon. 

 

“Good. How ‘bout ya let me up? We got apples back by the river don't we?” 

 

They dress quickly. Without the body heat, they were sharing it’s chilly. Looking around her, she takes it all in so she can remember it. Not only because they made love here, but because he chose it. Maybe he’d been looking for it all along. This little spot in the middle of the woods that he wanted them to share. She feels his hands in her hair picking out bits of leaves.

 

“This was beautiful Daryl… thank you.” His hands still and the only response she gets is a soft hum. But it’s enough. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By the time they get back to their little camping spot, he’s feeling pretty good about everything. He got his apple and a squirrel. 

 

Then there’s her. She’s here next to him, on her knees helping him skin their dinner going on about two butterflies she saw by the river.

 

“Must be this Indian summer that’s keeping them around huh?” 

 

“Prolly so.”  _ Or maybe it’s you girl… _ Whatever it is, it makes her happy. So it makes him happy too. It’s simple just the way he likes it.

 

A few clouds roll in as they’re lighting the fire to roast the squirrel. Beth brought a couple of small potatoes and tin foil and she’s got them wrapped and ready to toss into the fire. She also brought a few of his beers and he loves that she catches a buzz quicker than anyone else he knows. She’s humming and singing a song, something she made up right there, he knows this because the words she’s stringing together about the woods and the sky and his blue eyes are goofy as hell. And meant just for him.

 

“Shoulda brought yer guitar,” he says poking at the fire. She smiles across the flames at him.

 

“Next time I will and I'll serenade you Daryl with songs about the brave hunter who brings me dinner.” She giggles, that beer buzz is cute on her. Grabbing his water bottle he tosses it her way.

 

“Better drink some of that. Don’ want a headache.” She does without complaining and watches him as he gets the squirrel on the spit he fashioned from sticks he picked up as they walked back to camp. 

 

“Here, let’s put these in. I don’t know how long they have to cook.” The potatoes are wrapped up in her hands as she settles in beside him on the log he drug over. He points to a good spot and she drops them in. Her ring flashes in the firelight and like everything else about this day it seems surreal. He’s gonna marry her, make her his wife. Love her forever.

 

Once he’s satisfied the squirrel is set he reaches over and takes her hand, running his fingers over the ring.

 

“This one is perfect… see how it sparkles kinda all over, like stars, tiny stars that I get to wear on my finger. This was all you… I know.” Chuckling he wraps an arm around her. Sophia couldn’t keep that a secret. Not that it was one. He picked it. He wanted to. And he did good because Beth loves it. 

 

“Yep… was me.”  _ And you… always gonna be you. _ She’s giggling again and moving to sit between his legs singing again about stars and a boy with wings and it’s probably the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard.

 

“ ‘S that me?”

 

“It’s you,” she whispers. “Abbi’s right Daryl… you’ve got wings.” Shaking his head he pulls her back against him, holds her tight.

 

“Think you need ta get some food in ya girl,” he growls in her ear and she laughs out loud and its contagious and it isn’t hard at all to laugh with her.

 

Hours later they’re curled up in the sleeping bag wearing their warm clothes because the weather changed pretty quickly after sunset. The breeze brought the faint smell of rain. Beth had wrapped herself around him and fell asleep within minutes snoring softly like she always does when she drinks a little alcohol. He wasn’t far behind her.

 

It’s her moving around that wakes him. It’s too dark to see much but her shadow.

 

“Whada ya doing? Ya alright?” He has no idea how long they’ve been asleep.

 

“I’m fine, gotta pee. You made me drink all that water!” He hears the zipper on the tent and pushes up in the sleeping bag.

 

“Hang on, lemme get my boots.”

 

“No Daryl, it’s ok. I'm just gonna go out by the tree. Keep the bed warm.” Her shadow is moving under the raised flap.

 

“Beth…”

 

“I can’t go if you’re standing right there with me! I’ll be right back…” And then she’s gone. Laying back down he listens to her footsteps and the crunch of the leaves as she heads behind the tent.

 

A thunderclap jolts him out of his sleep. He must’ve dozed off. The clouds and smell from earlier brought the storm. Reaching out to pull Beth closer he finds an empty cold space beside him. Then he remembers she went out to pee. How long ago? How’d he fall asleep? Grabbing his boots and tugging them on he crawls out of the tent just as the first rain starts to fall.

 

“Beth!” Running behind the tent and towards the trees, he calls her name again and again but she’s not there.

 

She’s just gone.

 

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Well. This could be a problem… Don’t forget to leave a note! Thank you!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Happy endings are overrated.**

 

 

Beth shivers as she climbs out of the tent. Hurrying around it she heads towards the trees. Far enough away so Daryl can’t hear her. Peeing outdoors is awkward enough without thinking about him being within earshot. Not that he’d try and listen. 

 

She passes a few trees and keeps going a little further. A fog rolled in sometime during the night and it’s making everything damp and ominously quiet. Last night they heard owls and birds and the breeze in the trees. Not tonight though. Shivering she picks a tree and does what she came out here to do. 

 

Pulling up her sweats she looks around, tries to remember which direction she came from because every direction kind of looks the same now. The fog has her all turned around. Retracing her last few steps only manages to confuse her even more. A tiny flutter of disquiet blooms in her belly. Wrapping her arms around her body she exhales and picks a direction praying it’s the right one.

 

“No.. no, no. it’s not-” Lightning flashes in the fog around her and a clap of thunder overhead makes her jump. The storm closes in shutting out the sparse moonlight and when the rain comes it’s sudden and supernatural. She’s used to summer storms that come out of nowhere. But it’s not summer and she’s alone and possibly lost.

 

Wiping her eyes on her sleeve she keeps walking and tries to make out any familiar landmarks. But it’s impossible to see anything. That little flutter in her belly has become full-blown fear. Hurrying to the nearest tree she takes shelter under the dense branches. She remembers all the warnings she was given when she was little…  if you get lost to stay in one spot and someone will find you. Right here is as good as anywhere else. She’s already soaked and she can’t see anything. 

 

Daryl- he has to have realized she’s been gone too long by now. And with the thunder and lightning… maybe he’s already looking for her. But if what he goes the wrong way? Or maybe he fell back asleep waiting for her? She told him to stay in the tent... Why had she been so stupid?

 

Taking a deep breath she uses the inside of a sleeve to wipe her eyes again. She’s blowing this all out of proportion. How far could she have wandered anyway? And being afraid is ridiculous. The only choice is to wait for the rain to let up before trying another direction. 

 

And maybe he’ll come. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Mentally berating himself for letting Beth go out alone Daryl wipes his face again pushing the wet hair out of his eyes. There’s no way he’s going to be able to follow her tracks, not in the rain, so he’s just going with his gut.

 

“Beth!” Every time he calls her name and gets no response his anxiety skyrockets. It doesn't help that he’s imagining the worst case scenarios, that someone or something out there got a hold of her. Exactly who or what he has no idea. Not to mention the fact that it makes absolutely no sense, they’re alone out here.

 

She probably got turned around in the rain is all. She’s lost but he’ll find her. Even if it takes him all night. He’s gone a ways from their campsite now. She didn’t need to go this far out. 

 

“Beth!” 

 

The rain is letting up a little and it’s easier to see and hear. Daryl shouts her name again and when he hears her his first instinct is to run.

 

“Daryl! I’m over here!” All the tension leaves his body as he gets a general idea of the direction her voice is coming from. When he finally sees her she’s standing under a tree and she’s soaking wet. Like him. She spots him and does exactly what he wanted, she runs.

 

He meets her halfway and takes her delicate shoulders in his big hands. Too big and too rough. Relaxing his grip a little he tries to get a look at her but the rain, even though it’s only a drizzle drips from the ends of his hair blurring his vision. Blinking he shakes his head.

 

“Are ya okay-”

 

“I’m fine... I’m... there was fog and I got turned around and-” At this point, he doesn’t give a fuck how she got lost. He found her, he’s got her back. And as the adrenaline rush fades away something else replaces it. Something that doesn’t feel good, it twists up inside of him, a little ball in the pit of his stomach.

 

She’s still explaining as he takes her hand and leads her back to the tent. But her voice trails off and she follows him in silence the only sound the soft patter of the rain.

 

He’s angry and he’s frustrated and it isn’t necessarily at her, it’s on him. For not insisting on going with her, for falling asleep, for being a fucking idiot. He can feel her looking at him as he makes his way around the back of the tent and stops.

 

And stands there.

 

Before lifting the flap to the tent she looks at him and he can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. He didn’t even hug her or kiss her, didn’t let her know how he felt finding her how it made it possible for him to breathe again. Instead, he’s acting like an asshole and this pisses him off even more because the last thing he wants is to make her feel bad.

 

The tent seems so much smaller, maybe it's the tension or the fact that they’re awkwardly stripping out of their wet clothes bumping elbows as they try and avoid getting the sleeping bag wet. Beth is shivering so violently he can hear her teeth clicking. But it’s the small sniffle that stills his hands as he wrestles off his hoodie. He can’t see her face but a soft, shuddering sigh confirms his suspicions.

 

“Beth?” She doesn’t move or answer him. Pushing aside the pile of wet clothing he kneels down beside her and helps her with her hoodie. He has to say something, anything. It happened, it’s done. She’s here. 

 

“Ya can’t do that- ya can’t… com’on.” Crawling across the sleeping bag he pulls it back so they can get inside. She’s still shivering as he pulls her to him, her back to his chest, and wraps her up rubbing her arms to warm them. “I was afraid.” That’s all he can manage and it’s a pathetic attempt to convey to her what he felt, but he doesn't have it in him right now to give anything more.

 

“I know, I’m sorry Daryl.” Her voice is so fucking small. But dammit he was scared, scared in a way he’s never felt with anyone else except maybe Merle when things got really sketchy and he didn’t know what was going to happen to his brother.

 

With her it’s different. It’s bigger, it’s huge in a way that’s impossible to explain. If he lost her…

 

She’s here now and he just needs to hold her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The sun is shining through the light blue wall of the tent but it’s not as bright as it was the day before. Daryl’s pressed up against her back snoring in her hair and everything about it feels so right. Getting lost, the storm, maybe it never happened. Maybe it was all just a bad dream and he’ll wake up and cover her with the kisses he forgot in the storm because he’d just been relieved to find her. And it’ll be okay.

 

He’d been so angry last night. She didn’t understand it. He was afraid, that’s what he said. But that’s all he’d said and it wasn’t enough. If she gives him time she has a feeling she’ll get her answer so she’s not going to press the issue. Yet.

 

Rolling over they’re face to face. His eyes are closed but he’s not sleeping, he’s not quite awake either. If they could just stay like this, she could run her fingers over his face, memorize it just by touch, rub away the frown lines between his eyebrows and pretend there isn’t this question hanging there in the air between them.

 

_ What happened? What’s wrong? _

 

Instead, it’s him that reaches out. He rests the tip of his finger on her cheek and lightly traces her scar. It’s still there, still visible even when she tries to cover it up. Which she hasn’t done for a while now. She doesn’t notice it much. It’s usually him that draws attention to it by touching it or kissing it... Because they need to be touched, she’d told him that. Loved like they’re just a part of her. His too.

 

“Couple months ago,” his voice is rough with sleep, “the boys was out fishin’ an Beau was messing around, nicked DJ with a hook right on the end of his scar. Was bleedin’ and Carol and Merle was gone. I had ta look at it, touch it…” She watches as he swallows, Adam's apple bobbing along the column of his throat. Rubbing a hand over his face he continues. “Never touched it before an I was afraid ta... Carol and Merle got back I took off up ta the apartment and busted up some boxes and a bookcase. Prolly woulda took off on the bike too but Carol came up..” He’s looking at her now and his finger hasn’t left her face.

 

It’s pretty simple to put the pieces together. When he’s afraid of something he gets angry. He used to run too, but he’s not running anymore. After the wreck, he told her he wasn’t. 

 

Nodding she leans into his hand.

 

“It’s alright to be afraid Daryl.” He hears her, but she doesn’t think he’s buying into it. Rolling onto his back he stretches and sits up.

 

“Thought we’d get an early start back. Think we might get more rain.” The conversation ends there. For now. It’s not over yet.

  
  


They get dressed and pack everything up. Beth feels Daryl’s eyes on her whenever she’s not looking at him, watching her like she’s going to disappear. He’s right there at her at her side reaching for her arm when she slips on the wet path. Once he steadies her he tries taking half the things she’s carrying as if he’s not already carrying enough himself.

 

“Daryl, I’m fine... I can carry it-”

 

“I don’ want ya ta fall, we can leave some. I’ll come back.”

 

“No! I can do it..” It’s a little more forceful than she meant it to be but she can’t take it back. She reaches for the sleeping bag he took and tries to smile. “I can do it. It’s just a little slippery.”

 

“Alright.” He lets her adjust her load and follows as she starts walking. It’s more than just being afraid. It has to be because something happened, something changed.

 

And it doesn’t feel like a good change.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The drive home was quiet. Abe called to get on him again about his contractor's license, already in a mood he’d kept his reply short but he assured the man he’d take care of everything when he got home. 

 

_ “Do that man. I got us a sweet deal in the works and I need yer talent!”  _ Pushy bastard had a way with words. The thing was Daryl was starting to believe there was some truth to the compliments. 

 

“I’ll get it handled.” After he’d ended the call Beth had moved to the middle seat, her spot, where he’d wanted her to sit but hadn’t been sure how to tell her. She buckled herself in and told him again that she’d help him take care of his application. The sound of her voice alone was like a balm to his soul. He’d been such a dick and things still felt unsettled but she was right there beside him keeping her promise. He’d reached for her hand and held it in his lap the rest of the way home. 

 

They unpacked and then with her there making sense of everything he was able to finish his application, organize all the paperwork and put it in an envelope to send off the next morning. She refused to take credit for any of it reminding him as she often did that he needed to have faith in himself.

 

“You’re so much more than you think you are, Daryl.” Looking at her right then was too hard so he busied himself on her laptop looking up links to practice tests that Merle had given him while she made them soup and french bread. 

 

“Come get a bowl Daryl,” Looking up from the laptop at her smiling at him, he remembers how she’d looked at him last night, hurt and confused. He’d tried to explain by telling her about DJ and she’s a perceptive girl, but if she didn’t get it, didn’t understand what he was trying to say… 

 

Before he can reach for their bowls of soup she wraps her arms around his middle and presses herself against him. His heart’s aching because he knows she’s still uncertain about what’s going on with him and she’s trying to make it better. So he makes a decision. 

 

“Les’ go eat on the couch,” Backing up she raises an eyebrow. And he feels a blush heat up his face. The couch means something. It’s their thing. She gets their bread and drinks and follows him. They get settled and Beth starts eating. He takes a couple of bites before putting his spoon down.

 

“I woke up, ya weren’t there… I was scared.” She lays her spoon down too and looks over at him and he can see that she gets it.

 

“And you were angry.” She really gets it. Shrugging he picks at his thumbnail.

 

“Don’t like feeling like being afraid, makes me weak.”

 

“But anger hurts,” she says softly.

 

“I know. ‘M sorry Beth.”

 

“Me too.” 

  
  


They fall back into the routine of work and school, meeting in the middle because lately, that seems to be all there is. They came back from camping and she had a new understanding, but so did he… this is his whole world. Her and the ring she’s wearing and tomorrow, next week, next year... Forever. 

 

If he’s being honest, everything about her and them and the life they’re gonna have together terrifies him and he doesn’t doubt that anger will rear its ugly head again because of it. But it isn’t only the thought of losing her that’s got him all tied up in knots. It’s giving her what he thinks she deserves, a life that makes up for the one she got cheated out of.

 

_ Loving people hurts. _

 

She believes in him. He just needs to believe in himself.

 

**xxxxXxxx**

 

Halloween has come and gone. She’s stayed busy helping the boys and Carol with decorating and costumes and work and school but Daryl’s mood and distance haven’t escaped her notice. He’s got a lot going on with Abe and Merle and he’s nervous about taking the test for his license. He’s told her most of this, in his own way. But it’s more than that.

 

It’s the way he watches her while she makes a quick dinner because it was another late night or the desperation that fuels their lovemaking regardless of who it is that reaches out first. She doesn’t know if he’s trying to make up for what happened on the camping trip or if what happened out there isn’t quite finished. And she hasn’t asked either.

 

It’s a phone call that starts her thinking about things she never would have on her own. But the certainties she holds in her heart are sometimes overruled by her head.

 

Her car wouldn’t start after class and Daryl hadn’t answered when she called him. At first, she’d been upset because he always answers her calls, but then she remembered that he and Merle had gone to Peachtree City to meet up with a potential client. This one was a big deal and it was going to be the starting point for a new business. She didn’t know all the details yet, just that it involved Merle and that Daryl would be doing more of what he enjoyed. So she’d called Maggie and with her sister and Glenn’s help she was able to get her car back to the house. 

 

It really wasn’t a big deal. 

 

But after falling asleep on the couch and being woken up by a call from Rosita it all started to spiral in a direction that that felt completely wrong. Her heart knew the truth, knows it, always... This is Daryl. But her head was somewhere else listening to Rosita and tallying up the similarities. When really there’s no comparison.

 

_ “He’s been so distant lately. Doesn’t have time for me, coming home late every night. I’m worried Beth. I think he’s seeing someone.” _

 

“They had that meeting tonight, all three of them…” Rubbing her face and resting her chin on her knees that she’s got pulled up against her chest, it feels like she’s trying to convince herself as well as Rosita.

 

_ “It’s past one in the morning!” _

 

Oh.

 

_ “We’ve had some problems lately, I just… I feel like maybe he wants out.”  _

 

Nothing much more comes of the conversation and Rosita lets her go. Leaves her sitting on the couch in the dark wondering where Daryl is. She doesn’t wonder long though. Headlights that flash through the windows and the rumble of his truck as he pulls up and parks make her heart beat a little faster.

 

When he comes in the door, stumbling a little as he kicks off his boots, the good ones, she clicks on the light.

 

“Hey, yer still up?” He joins her on the couch and she can smell that he’s been drinking. More than he should’ve been considering he drove home.

 

“I, I didn’t know it was so late.” Apparently, he’s not drunk enough to miss the tone in her voice. It’s not angry just unsettled.

 

“Went longer than we expected-”

 

“The drinking or the meeting?” The hurt that flashes in his eyes softens her heart, it always does and she knows him. She does. “Rosita called and I was just... I was worried is all.” He hesitates before taking her hand. But when he does, when he has his wrapped around hers he raises it to his lips, brushing them against it. She could ask him, should ask him because this isn’t all of it.

 

“These people, they’re money. Fuckin’ made me nervous. And Abe and Merle talking like this one is a deal breaker. I just wanted it to be good and I needed ta relax..” He lowers his eyes and she bites her tongue. A smart remark about using alcohol as a crutch is right there waiting to be spit out like poison, but he’s probably already aware of it. “ ‘S stupid, I know.. I just- fuck I don’ know. ‘S done though. We got the job so I ain’t gotta deal with none a that no more.”

 

“Then it was worth it.” 

 

He doesn’t say anything else. Keeping a hold of her hand he leads her to the bedroom. She could’ve asked then but she didn’t

 

He’s asleep before his head hits the pillow and she's the one left lying awake. The things Rosita said, the whole camping trip… maybe they’re moving too fast, maybe he’s having second thoughts. Or maybe she’s just thinking too much. Sleep finally comes and when it does she doesn’t even realize she’s on her side of the bed and there’s a space between them.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He knew it was headed in a certain direction. He knew but he had no idea how to fix it. It was like trying to change the direction of a train you knew was headed for a broken bridge.

 

He’d left early that morning without waking her. He dry swallowed a couple of aspirin for his pounding headache and ignored that he should wake her up, that things needed to be said. Later when he looked back on it he’d see that it had all be so simple. It’s Beth and she never makes it hard.

 

But he does and so it went a certain direction and when he pulled in that night, later than usual which had been par for the course, he wasn’t surprised to see her car. It was an early day for her. What did surprise him was the fact that it was parked the exact same way it had been that morning. It hadn’t been moved and it was on the wrong side of the driveway. She always parked by the stairs. He hadn’t noticed it last night. But he’d had a hard time just getting up the stairs then. 

 

When he walks in she’s at the kitchen table and she doesn't even look over at him.

 

“Hey..” He sits down at the table across from her. She still hasn’t looked up at him. There’s a book on the table in front of her, a pencil in her hand. “Didja go ta work today?”

 

“No. My car... It wouldn’t start last night. Maggie and Glenn came and got me.” It takes a minute for this to register. All of it.

 

“Ya didn’t call me?”

 

“I called you. You didn’t answer but I remembered you had you’re meeting so I called Maggie. It wasn’t a big deal Daryl.” Maybe it hadn’t been at the time. But it was now. She called he didn’t answer, didn’t come home until late, too late. And drunk and even if it was all for her, for them, for their future, he’s doing it wrong. As usual.

 

But that’s not the issue. Her broken car, him working late, that hasn’t got her curling her hands in her lap and looking up at him- finally with something in her eyes he doesn’t recognize.

 

“When you found me in the woods… you didn’t kiss me.” He’s a little surprised because Beth doesn’t hold grudges, not with him and they’d talked, maybe not enough but he’d thought she understood…

 

“I- I didn’. I know I-”

 

“And you’ve been coming home late and you don’t…” If he’d had to guess he’d think she’s as lost as he is right now. It’s like she’s reaching for things. “Rosita thinks Abe’s seeing someone behind her back, he’s been late and-” 

 

“That what you think of me?” he asks incredulously. All he’s been doing is busting his ass for her, for them.  _ But she doesn’t know that... Ya haven’t told her anything dumbass! How you want more for her, how you don’t wanna bring your wife home to an apartment above your brother’s garage. How you wanna give her the life she deserves, the home she missed out on... How once again you’re afraid… _

 

“I don’t know… I don’t-”

 

“Yer working part-time, going ta school and I’m taking care of everything else!”

 

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

 

“But I am. Fer you... And ya think I’m out there… that there could ever be anyone else...” He’s not. He’s really not doing anything like that. Ever and he wouldn’t because she’s all, she’s everything and she’s crying and he’s scared and angry and he doesn’t want to yell at her. He doesn’t like how it feels.

 

She was supposed to believe in him.

 

Pushing back from the table he heads for the door he just came in. He doesn’t slam it behind him. He doesn't even want to. Probably couldn’t even if he did.

 

She’d didn’t call him back. She let him go.

 

And he didn’t kiss her when he found her in the woods.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Well that happened. It wasn’t over when they left the woods... They’re both walking wide circles around it... Whatever it is. And they both know what they should’ve done. You can leave a note if you promise not to scream.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Lessons take time to learn, but love… well let’s just see how it all turns out!**

 

 

Beth continues to sit at the table after Daryl walks out the door. His feet takes the steel steps one at a time with a hollow clang and the engine of his truck revs to life before she can even exhale. Then all she wants to do is run to the door, run after him, take it back, take it all back.

 

The look on his face- he’d been hurt. She hurt him. The thing is she didn’t even believe what she was saying. And that only makes it worse. Daryl loves her. He loves her so much that sometimes she’s afraid she’ll never be able to live up to that love.

 

It’s so simple though, all he wants and expects from her… just love him back.

 

Her hands are trembling as she walks into their bedroom and gets a duffle bag from the closet. Without thinking too hard about what she’s doing she stuffs a few things in it. Leaving is the only thing she can think of doing. Especially after what she basically accused him of.

 

_ But he didn’t, wouldn’t, and you know that. _

 

It’s her own voice in her head, the rational part of her brain that stays calm and collected, that whispers when her heart screams.

 

Taking the steps two at a time, her feet an echo of his from only moments ago, she shoves the duffle bag and her backpack in the car. She says a silent prayer that no one will come out and see her leaving. That would mean having to explain everything. But no one comes out the front door. And the lights in the house stay off.

 

Once she’s on the road she lets herself breathe which is a mistake because the minute she does the tears come.

 

This is how a heart breaks. Slowly, leaving little-wet spots that spread out as they soak into her t-shirt. And the worst part of it is she knows exactly how she could’ve avoided it all.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The ache in his chest climbed up and over his shoulders and wrapped around his throat knotting up the muscles and it feels like any second he might start yelling and never stop… if he had any air in his lungs. Which he’s pretty sure he doesn’t.

 

It’s beyond his understanding how she could even imagine that anyone- ever, could take her place, that he’d want to touch anyone but her, kiss anyone-

 

_ You didn’t kiss me... _

 

He should’ve said something- told her he couldn’t kiss her because he was afraid and therefore angry and he would never kiss her with anything but love.

 

Anger makes you stupid sometimes. Maybe he could’ve pushed it aside, held her and kissed and let her know how fucking thankful he’d been when she called out to him. How he would’ve walked the woods all night just to find her. Instead, he acted like a goddamned prick.

 

He’d tried to make her understand. He probably did a shit job with that too. Her hand in his lap as they drove home, with that diamond on her finger winking up at him was a constant reminder that he’d somehow got her to agree to marry him- Him. And one day the reality would hit and she’d regret that decision and leave him.

 

And somebody else would be kissing her- his girl.

 

Working himself up into a state of misery that's beyond pathetic he turns into the parking lot of the Irish pub. It’s closer and quicker than the biker bar out on the edge of town where he used to go.

 

And right now as cliche as it sounds even in his head, he just wants to drown his sorrows.

 

The bar is practically empty, there are a few customers who might be like him- looking for a way to forget their troubles. Of course, he’s a little rougher around the edges than the majority of them and he feels like a few of them might just know of him as their eyes pass over him. But they must see some kind of kinship because the men nod and the women give him tight smiles.

 

He takes a seat on a stool up at the bar and orders a shot of whiskey and a beer. Two more shots follow the first as he sits there and wonders what he’s supposed to do now. He could go home and ask her why. He could tell her all the things he knows he should so she's not wondering and coming up with her own assumptions.

 

Or he could just sit here and keep drinking and hope to forget about everything for a little while.

 

Someone sits down on the stool beside him. There are plenty of other stools available and it irritates him that his space is being invaded. Grimacing he looks over at the intruder and is surprised to find Rick Grimes.

 

“Hey, Daryl.” His first thought would most likely be that Rick’s looking for him, but the expression on his friend's face says otherwise.

 

Rick looks as miserable as Daryl feels if that’s possible.

 

“Wha’s goin’ on man-” He slides a shot of whiskey over to Rick.

 

“Not much- didn't expect to find you here,” Rick says as he downs the shot Daryl shared.

 

“Could say the same ‘bout you.” Daryl’s feeling the buzz of the alcohol now and whereas a minute ago he wanted to be alone, with Rick sitting next to him now, he finds he takes comfort in his friend’s presence. 

 

“You alone? No Beth?” Rick always teases him that if Daryl could he’d spend every minute with her. Which is probably true. Or was. Glaring at the other man Daryl finishes off his beer.

 

Rick may have figured out a thing or two when Daryl doesn’t say anything because he sighs as he reaches for the beer the bartender put on the bar in front of him.

 

“Gotta love women- I love my woman- I love her so much I asked her to marry me. And she said she ain’t ready!” Rick says.

 

“No? Ain’t she livin’ with ya?” Not that, that’s a reason but he’s seen Michonne with the kids, cooking dinner with Rick, bossing them all around with a twinkle in her eye. They seem like a team like they belong together.

 

But he thought he belonged with Beth. She belonged with him. Maybe he was wrong.

 

“Pretty much. She loves the kids, they love her- thought she loved me- fuck I don’t know.”

 

“Tha’s tough man…” Beth said yes to him. She wants to marry him- she lives with him. But. Something about RIck’s revelation spurs him to share. “Beth thinks I’m-” taking another pull from the fresh beer he slams it on the bar, “thinks there’s someone else.”

 

“What? Daryl, you ain’t…”

 

“What the hell Rick? I fuckin’ love her- I got her a ring, she said yes an… I don’ know what happened.”  _ Yes, you do you big dumb asshole!  _ The voice in his head is cruel but sometimes it tells the truth. 

 

“Ain’t we a pair.” Rick chuckles.

 

“Pair a idiots,” Daryl mumbles. The sit there together long enough for Daryl’s buzz to cross that fine line into drunk.

 

“I gotta get home. Maybe if I beg…” Rick says laying a few bills on the bar. Then gesturing to the shots glasses in front of Daryl he asks, “How you gettin’ home?” 

 

“I got my truck-” Daryl says slapping his own bills on the bar and wobbling a bit on his stool.

 

“Could crash at my place…” Rick’s suggestion sobers him up a bit. No way is he listening to his friend beg a woman to marry him. And seriously what the fuck is he doing getting drunk again. After all, they’ve been through with Shawn? He can’t not go home. Everything is so messed up already. That’d be the worst thing he could do.

 

If things could get any worse.

 

“I gotta go home- Beth…” He’s still not quite sure what he’s supposed to do now. There were no revelations to be found in a shot glass of whiskey.

 

“Then let me drive you.” Daryl doesn’t argue. Driving would be stupid at this point. But he wants to go home- even if she thinks- Nodding at Rick he slides off the stool and follows his friend out of the bar.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth’s head is pounding. She’s sitting at Maggie's table where she’s been crying in the circle of her arms for an undetermined amount of time. Her sister’s been beside her rubbing her back and waiting patiently for the rest of the story. All Beth managed when she got there was, ‘We got in an argument, Daryl left.”

 

The tea her sister made is cooling in its mug when Beth finally picks it up and sips from it. Little by little she tells Maggie what happened starting with the camping trip. 

 

“Do you really think there’s someone else Beth?” It’s obvious by her tone that Maggie doesn’t believe it.

 

Beth shakes her head mournfully.

 

“Why’d you say it?”

 

“I don’t know- I was trying to figure it all out-”

 

“But you accused him of something he didn’t and wouldn’t ever, in my opinion, do.” Maggie isn’t lecturing, but she isn’t skirting around the truth either.

 

“I did,” Beth whispers.

 

“Why didn’t you just ask him what was going on?” Why? Because that would have been the most logical thing to do. And her heart has never been logical. She also knows how hard it is for Daryl to talk about his feelings and she hates putting him on the spot. So she never pushed him to talk.

 

“It’s hard for him and I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, not with me.”

 

“You’d rather have him hurt?” She didn’t come to her sister for sympathy and there’s definitely no side to choose, but her sister's words hurt- they also make absolute sense. “I think making him uncomfortable by making him talk to you would have been better than what you did do Beth.”

 

“I know.. I, he does so much for me and he’s so good to me- I messed it all up… why’s it’s so simple when you say it…” 

 

“Because it’s not my heart that’s breaking.” 

“Hey Mags, Daryl’s truck is over at the bar-” Glenn walks into the kitchen and by the surprised expression on his face, it’s obvious he didn’t expect to find her here. “Oh, hey Beth.”

 

“He’s at the bar?” Beth feels her heart quicken.

 

“I don’t know, I mean I saw his truck but-” He’s at the bar. She can go over there and- and what? Something. Anything. She’ll figure it out when she gets there. Wiping her face she stands up.

 

“No. You aren’t going anywhere.’ Maggie says firmly.

 

“I need to see him, apologize-”

 

“Glenn you go,” Maggie's says and then turning to Beth, “Give him some space. You can’t go over there looking like you’ve been bawling your eyes out.”

 

“Maggie! What am I supposed…”

 

“Sit. Com’ere,” Maggie takes Glenn's hand and drags him into the other room which is barely 10 feet away and she can hear her sister’s frantic whispering. Touching her flushed cheeks she brushes away the hair that’s stuck to them. Maggie’s right, she shouldn’t go. But what if he drinks too much and tries to drive? Laying her head on her arms she can’t even cry. She did this. It’s all her fault. 

 

“Listen, I’ll make up the couch for you- sleep on it. Tomorrow or the next day you can go to him. And you’re gonna have to get him to talk to Beth. This isn’t all on you. You two need to communicate!” Maggie continues talking as she pulls out blankets and a pillow. Giving the required sisterly advice. But Beth isn’t listening.

 

Tomorrow or the next day? That seems like forever and she can’t sleep without him. But maybe tonight he’d rather sleep without her.

 

She hurt him, she’d take it all back in a heartbeat if she could. But she can’t. What if he never forgives her?

 

When Maggie finishes Beth drops her bags on the floor next to the couch and fishes out her toothbrush. It shouldn’t take Glenn long and it’s pointless to try and lay down until he comes back. She isn’t going to be able to sleep anyway. Peering at herself in the mirror she frowns. Her eyes are red and her face is blotchy and it reminds her of another mirror and another time. The only difference and this one is huge, she isn’t that girl anymore.

 

Not even with the way she’s feeling right now which is somehow even worse than that emptiness she carried around inside of herself for all those years.

 

Empty doesn’t hurt as much as this does.

 

Glenn’s back even before she’s done in the bathroom and she hurries out as he’s hanging up his jacket. He smiles at her though and it’s genuine.

 

“His truck was still there but Rick pulled up when I was leaving. He was with Daryl and he took him home. They had a couple of drinks, Daryl was pretty upset…” Beth caught the glare Maggie shot at him but she wants to know, needs to know. 

 

It’s her fault. No matter what. He may not have told her everything he was feeling, why he was so distant, but she said things she didn’t even believe, not really, and if he decides he’s done with her, she probably deserves it

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He wasn’t looking for her car, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that she might have left after he did.

 

It’s only when he walks into a dark apartment and feels her absence like a hole in his heart does it register. Her car wasn’t in the driveway. Maybe he chose not to see it at first. Maybe he didn’t want to think about her being gone.

 

Not at Carol and Merle’s, not out walking around, gone.

 

His hands are shaking a little where they hang at his sides. This is the part where he breaks something, take his anger out on an inanimate object. But he won’t do that here. It’s their place and destroying anything would be like disrespecting her.

 

Because she’s gonna come home, she is… he won’t believe anything else. They’ll fix it. They have too.

 

Leaving the lights off he heads into the bedroom stripping off his clothes as he goes. Stretching out on his back he lays still for a second as a wave of nausea rolls through him. It might be the alcohol or the fact that he’s alone in this stupid bed that was always a bed for two and she came and made it so. Fuck. Dropping his phone next to him on the bed he turns on his side. And he stares for a long time at the space beside him. Her’s. 

 

Reaching for her pillow he curls himself around it, buries his face in it, breathes her in. Crying is such a foreign concept, usually accompanied by anger and although he’s been shedding more tears since he came back than he ever has before, this feels different. This ache, these tears, there’s no anger. Just despair.

 

He’s never had someone he can’t bear to lose- not like this.

 

A bluish glow emanates from his phone, the vibration lost in the soft comforter. Reaching for it, he peers at it through bleary eyes. It’s a text from Glenn.

 

_ I don’t know what’s going on but Beth’s here with us. _

 

She’s safe.

 

But she’s not with him.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth didn’t believe it was possible she’d get through the day. She hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours. The only sound in the library is the hum of the heater and a whisper soft squeak of the wheels on the cart she’s using to gather up books left in places they don’t belong.

 

It's raining which to her is fitting right now. There’s no story hour today and they probably won’t have many people come in until later when school lets out. She’ll be gone by then. But not home.

 

“Hey Beth, I brought help.” Olivia is leaning in the door of the main section of the library two large cups of takeout coffee in her hands. “Come on.” Pushing the cart off to the side Beth follows her back into the children’s section. 

 

“You didn’t have to do that Olivia, but you’re a lifesaver!” Beth hadn’t said anything when she came in but Olivia has become more than a coworker and knew something was up. She also knows that Beth loves coffee.

 

“Good,” Taking her own cup she looks at Beth over the rim. “Want to talk about it? I mean, I’m here if you need to.” Wrapping her hands around the warm cup Beth exhales. She’s been walking around all morning thinking about him. She even shelved a couple of books in the wrong spot because her mind was somewhere else. 

 

“I.. my boyfriend and I had an argument..” Frowning she looks up at Olivia, “ Or something. I’m not even sure. We’ve never… I stayed at my sister’s last night.” It feels so wrong saying they had a fight because they really haven’t- ever. There have been moments of heated emotions but nothing like this. And it might have turned out differently if she’d just kept her mouth shut.

 

“Oh.. I’m sorry Beth. Arguments are part of relationships, they happen.”

 

“I said something.. It was wrong and I hurt him.” Oliva smiles sympathetically and rubs Beth’s arm.

 

“But you love him right?” 

 

“I do... I- I was so stupid.”

 

“No. We make mistakes. We’re human. You just have to fix it. But I can tell you from experience the first thing you need to do is give it time.” Maggie said the same thing.  _ Give him some space.  _

 

“My sister said basically the same thing,” Beth says. 

 

“Doesn’t mean you aren’t sorry… it’s just better in the long run,” Oliva says. That’s two people now that she trusts who’ve given her the same advice. It doesn’t make her feel any better but she doesn’t think she’s supposed to. Not yet. 

 

It’s raining harder when she leaves the library and she wants to steer her car in the direction her heart is pulling her but she ends up back at Maggie’s curled up on the couch with her laptop. The online lecture she’s supposed to be paying attention to is just background noise as she thinks about everything she’s going to say to Daryl when she gets the chance.

 

If she gets the chance.

 

Closing her laptop she opts for crying instead of classwork. It’s definitely going to be the more productive of the two.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl woke up with a headache which wasn’t surprising. And he woke up alone. What he would have liked to have done is roll over and go back to sleep, but Merle had called to remind him they were meeting Abe and his guys at the new job site.

 

Daryl’s replies were short and to the point and he completely ignored Merle’s smart ass comment about his bad attitude and not getting any last night baby brother. 

 

He’d showered and dressed. In the kitchen, he grabbed a bagel from the bag and before leaving he took the whiskey down from above the fridge and took a big swig. He’d swallowed but it hadn’t stayed put. He puked in the sink and tossed the bagel in the garbage.

 

Now he’s leaning against the window watching the rain grateful that Abe called before Merle could start in. Because the way his brother had been eyeing him when he climbed into the truck was a guarantee he had something on his mind.

 

Is this how it’s supposed to go? And exactly what is it? He doesn’t know the rules and it’s pissing him off because it’s not a game. It’s everything. It’s her and it’s him and that’s all that matters to him. Everything else in the world can go away. But not Beth. Not her.

 

“What the hell's going on Daryl? Where’s Beth? I was out ta the shop at 5:30 this morning... Her car wasn’t there.” Merle means well. He really does, but Daryl can’t do this right now.

 

“Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout it. Just drive.”

 

“Y’all have an argument?” Merle isn’t one to listen. Daryl makes a noise and tries turning further away from his brother. Which is impossible because there’s nowhere else to go. He’s gonna have to give him something to shut him up. 

 

“Yeah, we had an argument. She thinks I got someone else.” There. That shuts Merle up for about two seconds.

 

“She say that?” All of a sudden something dawns on him. Actually, it smacks him right in the face.

 

“No.. not.. Kinda.” 

 

“Well, which is it, boy?”

 

“Said Rosita thinks Abe is… Kinda made it sound like maybe she thought I might be..”

 

“Shit,” Merle chuckles, “I don’ even gotta ask cause I know yer head over heels in love with that girl… what else ya done wrong that got her goin’?” Giving up and not really feeling like carrying this all by himself anymore Daryl tells his brother everything. Cause Merle has managed to snag a good woman and a home and kids so maybe…  just maybe ole Merle can help his little brother makes sense of everything.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By Friday evening Beth has had it. She can’t focus on the simplest of things and Maggie and Glenn keep whispering on the other side of the wall as if she can’t hear them. Today at work she broke down and Olivia closed off the children's section of the library and took her for a long walk and bought her coffee. This only made Beth cry even more but it had been sweet and the walk in the rain had cleared her mind.

 

Which is why she's stuffing her thing in her bag now. She knows what she needs to do.

 

“Beth? What are you doing?” Maggie and Glenn must have finished talking about her.

 

“I’m going home Maggie, where I belong. Daryl is my fiance... He’s the man I love and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with him. We have to learn to communicate right? I can’t do that if I’m not with him.” Shouldering her bag she looks at her sister. “Thank you. For everything. I want to go home. I miss him.” Glenn walks into the room and stands beside Maggie.

 

“You’re right.. I’m glad you figured it out. Com’ere.” Maggie pulls Beth into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay. You’ll see.” Nodding Beth pulls back. 

 

“Okay... I’ll call you tomorrow. Thanks, Glenn.” 

 

The rain has finally let up and the moon is peeking out from behind a cloud. 

 

_ The sun loved the moon so much that he died every night to let her breathe… _

 

She won’t ever give up on him and when she gets home she’s never leaving him again.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl spent the day alternating between glaring at Abe and staring down at the blank screen of his cell phone. Merle finally explained what was going on before Daryl and Abe ended up trading more than words and Abe, looking chagrined at the revelation shrugged his shoulders and didn’t deny it. This just pissed Daryl off even more.

 

“Man ya got a good girl and ya treat her like this?”

 

“It’s more than that man… ain’t so cut and dried. I am sorry it caused problems for you though, I know you’re a good guy... I can talk to her if ya-”

 

“Nah, ain’t no one talkin’ ta her but me!” He’d taken off then. Grabbed his tools and headed back to the apartment. The rain had stopped and the sun was trying to make a break for it and all Daryl could think about was his crossbow and getting out into the woods. He’d clear his head and figure out exactly what he was going to do to fix things.

 

He’d made a vow to protect her.. And this is their love story, their forever, he’s gonna protect it too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The apartment’s dark when she pulls in but his truck is there parked in his spot leaving hers wide open. She climbed the stairs and found the door unlocked. Her eyes went directly to the spot where he usually toed off his boots. No boots. Carrying her things into the bedroom she flipped on the lights and discovered her hunch was right. His crossbow was gone too. 

 

The rain had stopped earlier and the sun had been trying it’s best to come out. And Daryl took his bow and he’s probably in the woods right now. Where he feels safe. He has a little wildness in his heart that she never wants to tame. She loves that about him. Loves everything actually-

 

Her breath catches in her throat as she looks over at the bed, their bed. It’s a mess, he hasn’t made it but that’s not what she sees. It’s her pillow on his side on the bed and from the way, it’s laying it looks like he held on to it.

 

She wasn’t there so…

 

“Oh, Daryl…” Dropping her things she strips down to her panties and pulls a t-shirt from his side of the closet. Pulling it over her head she shuts off the light and climbs into bed. She switches pillows, lays her head on her own and wraps her arms around his. It’s not him and they haven’t even begun to figure things out, but it’s better than it was and he’ll come home. And it’ll be okay. Just like Maggie said.

 

Morning comes and even before she opens her eyes she knows he’s not there. But she’s mainly okay with that. He’s not far and he’s taking care of himself. So she doesn’t let the little pang of regret eat her up.

 

Instead, she gets up, showers and makes coffee. Then she goes back into their bedroom and makes the bed. Realizing all she has to do is wait she grabs her laptop and climbs back on the bed settles in and thinks maybe she can get some studying done. But she ends looks at wedding dresses and listening to sad love songs.

 

She hears the door click and his boots thud on the floor as he kicks them off. Her tummy is full of butterflies and her heart is racing. Staring down at her hands in her lap she can feel him looking at her looking at her from the doorway where she’s sure he’s standing. She’s sure but afraid to look, afraid of what she’s might see in his beautiful blue eyes. Hurt, resentment, anger? Most of all she hurt his pride, his sense of self. And that is precarious even without her involvement. She came home to fix that. 

 

She came home because this is where he is and where she belongs.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Beth.” Her name. That’s all it is but it’s enough and she raises her head looks right at him and it hurts. It’s not even about the things she didn’t really say, it’s the space between them that all of this has created. His fault and hers. 

 

“I was wrong Daryl, I shouldn’t have said… I didn’t even believe… god, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” Blinking she takes a deep breath. She’s fighting back the tears. Trying to be strong. And she is... his girl is tough. But she can break if she needs to and he’ll hold her. She’d do the same for him.

 

“I kinda get it... I understand.” There’s a soft rumble in the words as they roll off his tongue and he sees like he always does the effect this has on her. It feels so good, this little bit of familiarity.  

 

“You.. you understand? I-”

 

“I shoulda said somethin’, ‘s hard fer me ta talk about how I feel,” Rubbing his face he takes two steps into the room towards where she’s sitting on the bed. “I suck at it. So how was ya supposed ta know what the hell was goin’ on in my head?”

 

“I could’ve asked before I said... “ Dropping her head she twists her fingers in the drawstring of her sweats.

 

“Ya never said nothin’, jus’ kinda- and fuck if I was in yer place I mighta felt the same.” His arms are itching to wrap around her. He doesn't give a fuck if that’s breaking some damn relationship rule either. He can hold her while they work things out. He takes another tentative step towards the bed and he watches as she pushes the laptop aside.

 

“I should’ve said something that night in the woods cause I knew it was more than you being scared cause I was gone. I knew..”

 

“I shoulda kissed ya, shoulda let you know… I was angry cause I was scared. I don’ wanna lose ya, Beth. I love ya... Yer everything. My whole world. An I wanna get my license and build up a business... I wanna build us a house, can’t have my wife living in an apartment above my brother’s garage, gotta have room fer a piano and…” Being tough has worn out it’s welcome. She’s breaking. It’s the tears that get him, they always do. He climbs on the bed and doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t wait for any unspoken cue he just pulls her into his arms. “Hey.. com’on.. ‘S okay, ‘s…”

 

“You were talking... You were-” His finger on her lips still’s her voice.

 

“Wait, lemme do this right, like I shoulda done.” Sliding his hand behind her head he leans his forehead against hers and he can smell her and it’s a thousand times better than her pillow.

 

“I woulda ran through those woods all night just ta find ya, Beth.” He kisses her like he should’ve like he’s always going to from here on out. And she whispers another apology against his lips, in his hair and his ear as she pulls him down on the bed beside her.

 

“I love you…”

 

“Love you too girl…”

 

They do eventually talk about the important stuff like communication and remembering their own feelings as well as each others; once the kissing is out of the way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Love... Bethyl love anyway, conquers all. That’s not to say that the road won’t get bumpy again, but I think they’ve both realized what they did wrong and maybe now they can avoid it for the most part... Nothing is perfect. Not even true love. But it’s worth it. And if you really want the feels listen to “You are the Reason” by Callum Scott and Leona Lewis. Start the song when Daryl comes home from the woods… Interesting note- This song came on this morning when I was struggling with this scene and well… music is magic. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy! Let me know!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here we go… and if anyone is interested the song that Beth plays, “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You” is by Stevie Nicks and you can listen to it if you want too… music is a huge part of my writing. Enjoy! Also a big thank you to @rckyfrk for sharing some music department info! It made me feel better about that part of the fic!**

 

 

“No more shoulda Beth okay… just gotta... Fuck..” 

 

They kissed and then they talked. A lot. Even him. And they made promises to do things differently for themselves and for each other. They aren’t completely naive, they know there’s gonna be mistakes made. It’s a part of being in a relationship. But they’re gonna do better. They’re gonna try. He’s gonna try… but her kiss-swollen lips and the way she smells and her eyes... he can get lost in them and find his way home. 

 

There’s a certain way she looks at him like she’s doing now and kissing isn’t enough anymore.

 

“Can we, I want...” Laughing she falls back on the bed, starts pulling off the sweatpants she’s wearing.

 

“I slept in the woods all night. I’m a mess, maybe I better take a shower…” She doesn’t give him a chance to answer though, grabs his t-shirt and pulls him down with him her.

 

“No, I don’t want you too… you smell like the trees and the wind, you smell wild. I like that... I, I just want you Daryl. I don’t wanna wait.” Of course, he’s not gonna deny her and if she doesn’t care that he slept in the woods…

 

“Don't wanna wait neither. I missed ya.. never leavin’ me again, was hell...” he’s complaining as he wrestles with his flannel and pulls off his t-shirt.

 

“I missed you too Daryl…” She’s laying there all arms and legs and perfect little tits begging for his attention. He pauses for a moment, just to take her in. He could talk himself into believing she isn’t real, that this isn’t real, that he’s out there in the woods somewhere, a lump on his head and a vision of a beautiful girl who doesn’t exist. 

 

Fumbling with the buttons on his jeans he gets them off and kneels beside her, his skin quivering under the trace of her fingers on the inside of his thigh. Before she can go any further, because he knows where she’s headed, he stretches out on his side next to her. If she touches him he’s not going to last and he wants to last, needs too.

 

But he can touch her. Running a finger from her sternum to her belly button he watches her eyes drift close as she arches her back in anticipation. She knows where he’s headed too. Before he gets there he takes ahold of her hand, guides it between her legs and glides her fingers over her slick folds. She’s already soaking wet for him, her slick coating both of their fingers. Bringing her hand up to his mouth he licks her fingers. Sucks them one by one into his mouth loving the whimper this elicits.

 

“Ya taste so good... “ he whispers.

 

“Daryl…” His name, always his name. She doesn't even have to put her hands on him. He can feel his pulse in his cock and he wants to be inside of her. Rolling over so he’s on top of her, his cock trapped between them, his mouth finds hers and his kiss is desperate, kind of like he’s feeling like he needs more of her, all of her.

 

“Lemme get…” Stretching but not quite reaching the bedside table, Daryl growls as he moves off of her to grab a condom. Batting her hands away he gets it on then rolls them both over so she’s on top. “Might last longer this way,” he breathes. 

 

“You or me? Cause I’m…” Falling forward she lays her head on his chest, ear pressed against his rib cage. Listening. “It’s always gonna be like this…” His heartbeat is everywhere, in his head and cock, in the places she’s pressed up against him. Yeah, it’s always gonna be like this. 

 

Lifting up and steadying herself with one hand on his chest she guides his cock between her trembling legs. He clasps her thighs in his hands, holding her and watching as she lowers herself down on the full length of him. Groaning he bites his lip, tries to maintain control. Why the hell he ever thought having her on top was gonna make a difference is beyond him. 

 

“Beth, I gotta...”

 

Sliding his hands around her waist her flips them both over. But it’s no use on top or underneath it feels too good and she’s so fucking beautiful like this. He gives in to the feeling, his thrusts deep and hard until he can feel her pulsing around him. He doesn’t recognize the sounds that are apparently coming from him as his cock jerks and he comes harder than he thinks he ever has. 

 

Her hand on his bicep makes him shiver and when she curls it around his neck and pulls him down beside her all he can manage is her name as he nuzzles his face into the crook of her neck. 

 

“I love you, Daryl…” It’s the last thing he hears before he drifts off.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth’s sitting at the kitchen table trying to finish and early final and study for the others that are coming. But her heart isn’t in it and her mind checked out about an hour ago when she went out and got the mail.

 

There’s a letter for Daryl. It’s from the  State Licensing Board for Residential and General Contractors. It’s either a test date or a denial letter. The later has come up in a couple of their conversations now and she can’t imagine any reason he would be denied but Daryl can come up with more than enough to set his nerves on edge.

 

Each time he starts to question it, his brow furrows and he starts chewing on his thumbnail. And Beth takes his hand and sits him on the couch and reminds him of all the required qualifications and how he meets or exceeds each one. Then he says,  _ yeah? _ And she says,  _ yes Daryl, you’ve got this…  _

 

Now that there’s a letter it’s her tummy that’s hurting and all she can think is what if she was wrong and gave him false hope? What if the board changed the qualifications at the last minute? Shaking her head she leaves the letter on the table and goes to the fridge for a bottle of water. 

 

He’ll be home any minute and they’ll open it and he’ll have a test date and then they can start this whole thing over again while he waits for that. If she’s being honest she wouldn’t change any of it. Being a part of this with him and knowing how important it is and how seriously he takes it makes her proud. He knows he can do this, all of it. He really does but if he wants her to confirm that for him, she’ll do it no matter how many times he needs her too.

 

She’s headed back to the table when he walks in. The little twist in her tummy isn’t nerves from the letter, it’s his windblown hair and the smile he gives her when he glances over and sees her. The mood after their make up sex hasn’t completely disappeared yet and the smiles and looks they share are little reminders of that afternoon that stretched into the evening. 

 

Reaching across the table she holds up the envelope. He doesn't even have to ask.

 

“What’s it say?” He’s standing by the couch, hands in his pockets.

 

“I didn’t open it! It’s for you…” Closing the distance between them she takes his hand and makes him sit. “Here.” She holds it out to him but he shakes his head.

 

“I can’t… go on.”

 

“No Daryl, this is for you. I’m just here to watch.” It sounds hilarious to her but when she giggles he growls so she swallows hard and sets the envelope in his lap. He picks it up and stares at it for well over a minute before he finally opens it. The envelope falls on the floor as he scans the letter. She’s holding her breath waiting.

 

“I got a date.” Blowing out a breath she smiles because he’s smiling and she slides her arms around his waist.

 

“I knew it! When?” The letter is open in his hands and she glances at it.

 

“Next week… damn! Good thing ya got me studyin’ early huh?” She didn’t do anything. He asked and she said it couldn't hurt. He took it from there. But she won’t argue with him. Not right now.

 

“Looks like we’re both gonna be busy this weekend!” The table’s been covered with her stuff for a few days now but she can move it over and make room for him. She will move it over.

 

“Gonna have ta take a break every once in a while though,” he says kissing her nose.

 

“Oh of course... “ That’s going to be the best part. He lays her back on the couch, hands framing her face, his thumb rubbing the fading scar on her cheek.

 

“Makeup sex is hard work too girl.” 

 

“Practice makes perfect Daryl… Oh…” Sliding her hands into his hair she pulls him down for a kiss. “You’ve got this baby. All of it,” she says softly letting her fingers work out the little tangles the wind in his hair caused. “I’m so proud of you.”

 

“Stop..” The flush on his cheeks is more than her compliments. It’s her hands and her mouth and all the things she’s doing.

 

“Okay, but I am.” Slipping that in real quick she kisses him again before he can try and protest.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl and Merle are standing beside the barn in Hershel’s yard. The husk of the half that was destroyed in the fire still makes him bristle but he’s been here enough now to have gotten used to it. He can push it aside and look at it like a project instead of something that was almost a tragedy.

 

They’re going to rebuild it. Instead of a traditional Thanksgiving, they’re turning it into an old-fashioned barn raising. Daryl had mentioned rebuilding the damaged section to Merle and Carol overheard and it went from repairing the barn to a big damn deal.

 

When he told Beth the look on her face turned this ‘big damn deal’ into something more. He saw it all right there in her eyes and he knew then if he could take that moment and carry it with him forever, he would. 

 

He can’t fix everything but he can do this.

 

So he and Merle are taking measurements and making and list and trying to figure out the logistics when Hershel comes out. He hands Daryl an envelope.

 

“Nah Hershel, we got-” Merle starts in.

 

“It’s my barn and I’m going to do my part. I can’t do much in the way of building but I’ll be out here with everyone else doing what I can. This is part of that. Take it.” Merle nods and Daryl sticks the envelope in his back pocket and listens as Merle tells Hershel what they have planned.

 

He looks over at his future father-in-law and what he sees is not too far from himself or Merle. They’re just men and they’ve made plenty of mistakes, but they’re trying.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The day of the test rolls around and Daryl’s in the shower. Beth’s in the kitchen warming up bagels even though he told her didn’t think he could eat. She knows he’s nervous and it’s been a rollercoaster of confidence and self-doubt and trying to talk him out of it is pointless. She just listens and adds in her two cents whenever she knows he’ll accept it. 

 

He grumbled about her calling into work to go with him. Said it was ridiculous but later that night he’d whispered in her ear that even if she was just down the street sitting in the coffee shop studying, having her close would be a good thing, his words. She’s a good thing. 

 

He comes out dressed and ready and she hands him a flask of coffee, grabs her own and the paper bag full of warm bagels.

 

“Ya made ‘em anyway?”

 

“I’m kinda hungry.” He looks from her to the bag and the back at her. 

 

“Might eat one, on the way.” 

 

She doesn’t offer to drive because keeping his hands busy will stop him from dwelling on the test. He quizzes her on the rules of algebra and she even manages to slip in a couple of business related questions he’d struggled with the most when he was studying. 

 

And he eats two bagels. 

 

When he leaves her in the parking lot to head into the building where the test will be administered she can feel the nervous energy coming off of him in waves. She pulls him close for a hug and it’s him who holds on a few seconds longer as she whispers in his ear,

 

“You got this Dixon, go make us proud.” He even smiles a little and she can’t help but admire him as he walks away. He’s beautiful. At least to her, he is. His broad shoulders, strong arms, legs that wraps around hers and make her feel like she’s safe, a caterpillar in a cocoon. 

 

Right now he’s a butterfly, stretching his wings, getting ready to fly.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Anxiety is a familiar friend. But he’s well versed in dealing with it and even now, doing this really huge thing, he’s managing. Because he keeps thinking of her. She believes in him and she does it such a way that he can’t help but take her confidence with him.

 

As he waits to check he looks around at the other people who are here for the very same reason he is. They’re different and not different. It’s mainly men who are waiting in line but Daryl did see a couple of women. Some are making small talk but the majority are quietly waiting. He’s thankful the guys nearest him don’t want to chat. Right now being in his head is the best place for him.

 

Check-in is simple and after he locks up his wallet and cellphone he takes his calculator and reference books and finds his seat. Right off he familiarizes himself with the computer. Everything is just like Beth explained to him. And before they even begin an instructor goes over using the computer. So maybe he isn’t the only one here who doesn’t necessarily rely on technology for everything. That calms his nerves a little.

 

He’s got a little over five hours to finish both tests with no break in-between. He’s gonna remember to kiss Beth for bringing those bagels. In fact, he’s gonna kiss her for everything. He’s doing this for himself but it’s also about her and their future and even Merle and his family. 

 

He can be a good man. He is a good man.

 

_ You’ve got this baby…  _ That’s what’s gonna get him through.

 

Four hours and 13 minutes later his finger hovers over the finished icon. There’s no waiting. He can see right now whether or not he passed. He clicks it and leans in scanning the screen. Blowing out a breath he rests his hands on the table on each side of the computer letting everything he read sink in before acknowledging the fact that his bladder is full and if he doesn’t do something about that in the next few minutes it could get ugly.

 

He takes one more look and lets himself feel it. Pride.

 

Logging off and gathering his things he stands and heads out of the exam room. The table where he checked in is where he’ll get his print out of his scores and he steps up to it and gives the woman seated there his name. She types a few things into her computer and he hears the soft whirr of a printer and then she’s holding the paper in her hands.

 

“Here you are, Mr. Dixon. Congratulations.” Taking the paper he nods at the woman and gets his things from the locker. Without even glancing at the paper he texts Beth. She responds immediately.

 

_ I’m here _

 

If it was acceptable he’d run out the doors to the parking lot. Maybe. Probably not but he can walk fast and he can scan the parking lot and he can see the flash of blonde hair and he thinks he can even see that blonde head moving, like the owner might just be bouncing up and down on her toes. 

 

Inside he might be laughing with wild abandon, on the outside, he’s smiling, maybe even grinning as he hands her his scores. That he hasn’t even looked at yet. He passed. That’s all he knows.

 

She’s looking though and when she gasps and looks up at him, eyes sparkling he’s not sure what to do with himself.

 

“Wha?”

 

“Daryl.. Did you,” looking down at the paper in her hands again and then back at him, “did you even look at your scores?” Shrugging he shoves his hands in his pockets. She’s gonna make a big deal over this. And he’s gonna have to allow her that. Besides, it does feel good, coming from her.

 

“Nah.. passed that’s all that matters right?”

 

“You passed… you scored 97.8% on the business and law and 99.9% on the basic contractor’s part. You… Daryl these scores are really, really good!”

 

“Yeah?” He can feel his face heating up, hell his whole body is on fire under her gaze.

 

“Yes! Congratulations! You did it! I knew you could, I knew…” Then the best part comes. And even though he’s gotta pee and her arms around him and her body pressed against his aren’t helping, he wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

She found a little bar and grill when she was waiting for him and she insists that they celebrate. So, of course, that’s what they do. There’s a bathroom and they get a corner booth and he marvels at the fact that over a year ago he had no idea what was in store for him.

 

He’s got a girl. She’s wearing his ring. And he passed his damn test.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth started dinner and went back to studying that afternoon. The boys were here earlier, working on a picture of the barn at the table while she finished up her final. Merle gave them the task of drawing it out, as close to the original as possible so they have something to look at while they build. Of course, the boys haven’t thought about the fact that there are photographs. Hershel has plenty. The boys needed a job though. And this was what Merle had given them.

 

They’d shared a chair and although DJ had done the drawing Beau had pointed things out and talked his brother through some of the details he said were important to add. Watching them working together so closely had touched her heart. It made her think of Merle and Daryl, their afternoons and weekends in the garage or the woods and the business they’re building together. And she thought of her own sister and brother and wondered if the future would give them back the closeness they’d lost.

 

It was already happening with Maggie. Maybe someday Shawn would be part of it too.

 

Daryl comes in and catches her at the table and he picks up on her mood like he always does. It’s a blessing and a curse.

 

“Whas’ going on?” He looks at the stuff on the table, but more importantly, he looks at her.

 

“Oh.. nothing much. The boys were working on their drawing and I finished my math final.”

 

“Yeah?” Pulling a chair over by her he sits down and stretches out his legs. “And..” Sighing she takes his hand.

 

“Just thinking… about the barn and Thanksgiving and family.” She must be very easy to read or Daryl’s just that good.

 

“He’s gotta want it.” That’s all he says but he leans in and kisses her softly. Nodding she climbs in his lap because he likes it and she can.

 

“Do you think you’d have time to come to the school with me tomorrow? I have to drop off my final and I wanted to show you around because… I don’t know. I just wanna.” She feels a little silly now that she’s asked. But this is what they said they were doing. Talking.

 

“Course.” That makes her happy. He makes her happy. She lets him shower as she warms up their dinner and they eat together on the couch because the table is still covered with her other stuff for school. And sitting on the couch means they’re close together and her feet are in his lap and she feeds him bites of her food and it’s so much better than the table anyway. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He can’t take his eyes off of her as they walk across the campus hand in hand. He’s dropped her off and picked her up a few times, but this is the first time he’s come with her. It’s the first time he’s seen her here. In this space. 

 

She’s pointing things out as they walk, giving him a guided tour because honestly most of it is completely foreign to him. It’s different in so many ways from the places he’s been. But as he looks around at the people walking back and forth to classes and other places, he realizes he could be walking around here and not be out of place. The majority of what he assumes are students look like adults long past high school graduation.

 

If someone would have told him when he was in high school that one day he’d be standing in a place like this thinking about possibilities and promises and a future that will never be a bit like his past he’d never have believed it. Not in a million years. 

 

But here he is. Doing just that. He’s doing a lot of things lately that he never dreamed he’d do.

 

“I just have to drop off my final and then I’ll show you the music department.” Her eyes light up as she says this and it’s crazy to him how just seeing her happy makes him so fucking happy. It does though. Digging in her bag she pulls out a big yellow envelope and pushes it through a mail slot on a door marked ‘Mathematics Dept. Office’. 

 

“That’s done!” Smiling she leans into him and kisses his cheek. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Daryl…”

 

Shrugging he gives her hand a squeeze. She’d been stressed and he’d seen her struggling and instead of downplaying it like she’s done in the past to avoid bothering him she was honest with him, told him math was hard for her, made her feel stupid. So he sat with her every evening, showed her what she was doing wrong, helped her until she finished.

 

Similarly, when he’d come home stressed, he’d talk to her and she’d listen. And if he didn’t want to talk, just wanted her close she was there for that too. If he was really lucky she’d give him a shoulder rub and everything about his shitty day no longer mattered. Simple things he never wants to take for granted.

 

The music department is empty as far as Daryl can tell. He hears the echo of what he thinks might be a violin somewhere down a long dimly lit hallway. Beth points out the rehearsal rooms and the classroom. Then she heads down the hallway.

 

“These are practice rooms.” The sound of the violin, he’s sure now that it’s a violin, is closer as they stand outside the open door. The small room is empty except for a piano and a chair. 

 

“These fer anybody ta use?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, if you’re a music major…” The way she says those two words make him think of her whispering his name when he’s buried deep inside of her- it’s sacred and although this isn’t in any way sexual, the words as she says them are sacred like his name, they’re special to her.

 

She’s running her finger along the edge of the piano and there’s a longing in her eyes. He remembers her saying she hasn’t really played since her mama died, just some for a class in high school. 

 

“Play somethin’ fer me.” It’s a bold move on his part but he thinks she could use a little push.

 

“Oh! I don’t… “

 

“I’ve never heard ya play piano.” She plays her guitar all the time now, plays and sings for him. But not the piano. They go over to the farm and he’s seen it sitting there in the parlor. Untouched. He’s seen her looking at it too, her mama’s piano.

 

She’s gonna have to do it eventually. And he wants to watch. He imagines it’s gonna be something worth seeing.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When Daryl said,  _ I never heard you play,  _ she realizes why she’d felt such a strong desire to bring him here.

 

It never mattered before.

 

It matters now.

 

The last time she sat down at a piano and played just because she wanted to was before her mama died. She’s going to be a music major- is a music major now. She’s going to have to sit at a piano again. That’s why he’s here… because she can only do this for the first time- again with him. He’s here because she’s afraid of what’s going to happen when she sits on the bench- what will it feel like without her mama to position her fingers above the keys, without her mama’s watchful eye? She can’t do that alone. He’s here because she’s ready to face the past with her future right beside her warm and solid, faith in the form of the person she loves most in the world.

 

Sitting on that bench is like falling backward through a hole into yesterday and she can almost feel the sun from the window in the parlor warming her back. She hears the shuffle of Daryl's feet and then she can see him, smiling down at her in that way he has of smiling without moving his mouth. It all in his eyes and his eyes are on her.

 

He believes in her.

 

She runs her fingers over the keys and it’s muscle memory and an echo of the past that brings a song to life.

 

She hadn’t understood the significance when she was a little girl, she’d just thought it was beautiful cause her mama was singing it.

 

She understands now and she’s giving it to him.

  
  


_ Has anyone ever written anything for you _

_ In all your darkest hours _

_ Have you ever heard me sing _

_ Listen to me now _

_ I’d rather be alone _

_ Than be without you _

_ Don’t you know _

 

It’s crazy how it all comes back to her and it’s so easy- sliding over a little she nods to him and he doesn’t hesitate, he sits down beside her.

  
  


_ Has anyone ever given anything to you _

_ In your darkest hours _

_ Did you ever give it back _

_ Well, I have _

_ I have given that to you _

_ If it’s all I ever do _

_ This is your song _

  
  


Even with tears in her eyes, because it would be impossible to do this without tears, she finishes the song and maybe it’s him with his palm pressed against her thigh or her realizing she finally made it to this place.

 

Grief is neverending. She’ll always miss her mama, but her music is something she needs to hold onto. She needs to carry it with her like her mama’s memory.

 

“Was that fer me?” His voice is thick with everything he can’t say, although he might try, for her. 

 

“It’s for you.”

 

“You write that?”

 

“No, it’s an old song my mama used to play…” She takes his hand in hers, holds it over the keys and with his pointer finger, taps out a tune. “I think I was supposed to remember it.”

 

“ ‘M glad ya did.” Gently taking his hand back he wraps it around her shoulders and kisses her temple.

 

“Daryl?”

 

“Mmm hmm.”

 

“Thank you,” she expects the confusion etched on his face, “for listening to me sing, for making me wanna sing. I might’ve left my guitar sitting in my bedroom if you hadn’t-”

 

“Toldja, ya have a beautiful voice- ya would’ve found it someday.”

 

“I’m glad you were the reason…” He’s blushing all the way to the tip of his ears. But he doesn’t try and deny it. Not much anyway.

 

“Ain’t supposed ta say that.” She smiles and puts his hand back on the keys.

 

“Like this…” She shows him and he mimics her. His hands are so much bigger than hers. His finger is almost the width of the key underneath it. Side by side- their hands are the complete opposite of one another, but together they can make a song and they fit perfectly as if they were made that way.

 

“Never played a song on a piano…” his breath is warm on her cheek as he leans in close.

 

“Never taught anyone how to play a song…”

 

They only stay for a few minutes more. They’ve got things to do and she did what she came to do. She showed him where she’d be spending a lot of time. And she played a song, on the piano. Someday they’ll be a piano in their house, that’s what Daryl had said. And she’ll play for him whenever he wants her too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I think they’ve come a long way… This story definitely has an end. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. I just won’t be telling it anymore. I love this quote by author Cornelia Funke, “Stories never really end...even if the books like to pretend they do. Stories always go on. They don't end on the last page, any more than they begin on the first page.” My part in this one isn’t quite finished yet though! Let me know what you think!! And thank you, thank you, thank you for reading!!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Lots of fluff in this one! It’s Thanksgiving… Enjoy!**

 

Thanksgiving hasn’t ever been all that important to Daryl. Growing up his family paid very little attention to holiday celebrations. His mama tried but it was always half-hearted. And after she died there was nothing. No turkey dinner, no Santa Claus- just staying out of the way and hoping not to get hit. Or worse. Carol changed that. Even before she and Merle were together, she and Sophia made Daryl a part of their little holiday celebrations.

 

“Whas’ yer family do fer Thanksgiving?” They're laying on the couch together. She’s reading something for school and he’s watching her and touching her and loving that with her slowing down is an option. He’s also been dozing on and off until she laughs softly at his snoring and wakes him up. 

 

She’s quiet for a minute after he asks and he realizes that this could be a hard question. He thought about it before he asked because he knows she’s gonna want to know the same thing about him. Laying the book on the floor beside her she turns in his arms.

 

“We… well, when I was little we always had these big dinners with turkey and mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, you know… all the good stuff.”

 

He doesn’t really know- only vaguely but he nods anyway.

 

“Me and Maggie would help cook. We’d start the day before with pies. We got to wear fancy aprons and the house always smelled so good. Patricia and Otis would be there and Patricia's sister Sylvia…” He notices she’s twisting her ring.  She does it all the time. Sometimes he catches her just looking at it, moving it so the light catches the diamond.

 

“Sometimes friends from church would come. And we’d all sit at the dining room table and after my daddy said the prayer we’d go around the table and say something we were thankful for.” Her eyes have a faraway look in them and it’s kind of a sad thing to see. Remembering hurts, but forgetting, forgetting leaves an ache that feels like a memory that’s been ripped from your hands when you really didn’t want to let it go.

 

“It was like a party- but after my mama died... Patricia would cook and other people tried bringing things, but it was like it just didn’t matter anymore. It wasn’t a party. After Maggie and Shawn came back we tried, all of us, even my daddy but something was missing.”

 

Her mama was missing- Daryl can figure that much out.

 

“What about you Daryl?” She says it softly her blue eyes on his gauging his reaction no doubt. She knows him and she knows that whatever he says isn’t gonna be pretty either. But he figured this was coming. He could shrug it off. But he won’t. Not now. They’ve worked hard to be here, to be honest, be open. Even when it hurts. No way in hell is he going to fuck that up.

 

“When there was money, my mama tried... Course that was if my dad was drunk enough not ta care. Don’ even remember it all that much, ‘cept she’d cry an I hated that.” Beth doesn’t downplay it or pity him. It is what it is, just like her story. “Carol gave me my first real Thanksgiving.” Then he took off to Nashville, running away from the only good thing he had. Beth’s a smart girl and she knows his story. She can figure out how the rest of it went.

 

“It’s gonna be good now… it’s gonna be better like it’s supposed to be.” She’s playing with her ring again and he leans down into her, kisses her cheek.

 

“Already is, girl.” Rolling her over on top of him he nuzzles his face into her hair and her neck, breathing in the clean scent of soap and shampoo. “Love you…” Whispers, words barely there because he can’t say what he’s feeling, can’t put into words the enormity of it all. And that’s ok because she gets it and she’s giving it back. Kissing him all over his face. Sliding her hands up under his shirt, running her fingers over his skin. Setting him on fire.

 

“I love you, Daryl.” He can sit at a Thanksgiving table and without hesitation or even a moment to think, he can say she’s everything he’s most thankful for.

 

So yeah it’s gonna be good.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth sets her bags on the counter in the kitchen at the farm. It smells like turkey and apples. It’s not the same as when she was little. The house is empty. Everyone is outside working on the barn and even though it’s different, it’s alright. It might even be better.

 

Everybody pitched in and brought things and they’re spread out on the counter. Pies and salad, veggies and dip. There are four cans of olives, two of which have a name scribbled across it in childish writing. Beau and DJ. They’re going to take it all outside and eat at picnic tables beside the barn. Beth adds her sandwich fixings and she’s organizing everything when Daryl comes in. She smiles like she didn’t just kiss him before he left about 2 hours earlier.

 

“Ya need any help?” He’s sweaty and there’s sawdust in his hair but he looks really good and maybe it has a whole lot to do with how he’d woken her up. His mouth and his hands were on her and before she could even open her eyes she’d been whimpering his name, her legs draped over his shoulders.

 

“Nope... I’m good. You didn’t have to stop-” But she’s cut short when he leans in and kisses her.

 

“I did.” She presses herself against him, runs her fingers through his hair loosening the sawdust.

 

“You left before I could-” He shuts her up with another kiss and wraps her up in his arms and it might be all in her imagination but she swears she can taste herself on his lips.

 

“Maybe I shoulda stayed a little longer…” His voice is gravelly and it makes her shiver.

 

“Might have to sneak off somewhere in a bit…” Not might. Will.

 

“Yeah? Ya got somewhere in mind?” He smiles down at her.

 

“Anywhere... With you…”

 

“Uncle Daryl!!” Beau hollers and the screen door slams as Beau and Abbi come running into the kitchen. Their cheeks are rosy from being outdoors and they’re both sprinkled with sawdust like their uncle. Abbi sidles up to Daryl and Beth notices she’s wearing a tiny pair of wings. White feathered angel wings. Her pink sweatshirt is bunched up at the shoulders where the little elastic bands are holding them on. She reaches for Daryl and her tiny hand is engulfed in his.

 

“Wha’s all the hollerin’?” Daryl asks.

 

“Daddy says…” Beau covers his mouth as he giggles, “he says quit smooching an get out there an help. Please.” His face is red and the giggles have taken over as he races back down the hall.

 

Smiling over at Daryl, Beth raises an eyebrow when she looks at her niece who is still holding on to Daryl’s hand.

 

“ ‘Parently she’s got herself some wings.” He clears his throat. “Like mine.” He’s blushing and Beth can’t decide what’s more adorable Abbi’s crooked wings or his face.

 

“Mine aren’t fer flying, Uncle Daryl said I’m not ‘posed to try it. They’re fer making me be brave.” Beth nods at her smug smile and Daryl just shrugs.

 

“Go on out an make sure no one’s touching my tools. Tell that ugly guy ‘m coming.” Abbi does as she’s told. Beth is pretty sure the little girl would do anything Daryl told her too.

 

“Wings?”

 

“She was missin’ her daddy- guess Amy saw ‘em at the store and figured they’d help.” Daryl’s expression is too serious for the topic and Beth lays a hand on his cheek.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Don’ want her thinkin’ they’re magic, can’t be bettin’ on a pair a fake wings jus’ cause…” Beth wants to tell him they are magic, that when she saw them in Merle’s kitchen she felt it. But that’s not what this is about.

 

“Sometimes believing in something as simple as a pair of wings makes the hard stuff easier,” she says gently, “she looks up to you.”

 

Chewing on his thumbnail he looks at Beth. “Ain’t a role model, ain’t her daddy…” he mumbles.

 

“Right now you’re all she’s got-”

 

“She’s got yer dad an Glenn..” He’s stubborn whenever he’s faced with the fact that he’s important. It’s a hard pill for him to swallow.

 

“She chose you.” Shaking his head he glances at her through a fringe of dark hair his blue eyes full of something that could be fear.

 

“What the hell am I supposed ta do with that?” 

 

“Nothing. Just be here. That’s all she wants Daryl.” Someone to be here. Stay.

 

“She scares me, reminds me of…” Their blue eyes held each other.

 

“You afraid of me Dixon?” He doesn't hesitate, nods his head so hard he shakes the hair out of his eyes. Laughing she slides her arms around his neck. “It’s okay... Sometimes I look at you and I can’t breathe with how you make me feel… I think it’s love,” she whispers softly before kissing him and making him forget everything else.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s going to take more than a day to finish the barn but they’ve got a good start. The little helpers come and go so it’s mainly been Daryl, Merle, Rick, and Glenn. Of course, Hershel is there too and he has to give the guy credit for pulling his weight. Daryl’s become fiercely protective of Beth and won’t ever think that what she went through as a little girl and even as an adult at the hands of her family is okay. But he’s learned a lot more about Hershel and has seen sides to him that are proof to Daryl that he’s more than just the broken man he became when he lost his wife. He’s more than the father that let his grief come before a little girl who needed him. He’s more and he’s trying and Daryl respects that. 

 

But Beth and her heart are Daryl’s to protect now. Even from her own family if he has too. He doesn't think it will ever come to that again but if it did, if it ever… 

 

He’d die for her. 

 

He’s been watching her. He watches her all the time but he’s been paying a little extra attention ever since Abe showed up. Beth had been helping him with some measurements when Abe walked over to the two of them. Beth had smiled sweetly and then asked about Rosita. Daryl didn’t feel a bit sorry for Abe as his face turned three different shades of red. He deserved to squirm a little.

 

“There’s more to it than just what she told you… and I’m sorry if it caused any... Well, I’m just sorry.” He’d cleared his throat then and looked at Daryl. “I came to help, brought my nephew. Ya ain’t gotta feed us, just figured a couple more hands on the job might help.”

 

Daryl didn’t turn him away and Beth had smiled and handed him the tape measure. 

 

“I’m gonna go see if Maggie needs any help.” Daryl had watched her walk away and mumbled something incoherent when Abe asked what they were measuring. 

 

“I got it. Jus’ grab another couple a two by fours.” 

 

Now he’s watching Beth. And Abe’s nephew Zach. Instead of coming over and offering to help his uncle, he’s following Beth around with a stupid smile on his face. She points to something and he takes off like a good little puppy towards whatever it is she‘s showing him. 

 

It shouldn’t irritate Daryl, but it does and he’s paying more attention to them than his hammer.

 

“Mother fucker!” The expletive sends Beau and DJ into a fit of giggles. Abbi calls out Daryl for saying a ‘bad word’ and when did all the kids come back anyway? He thought Merle had scared them off. Sticking his finger in his mouth he looks up and sees Beth hurrying towards him. Away from Zach. So he’s gonna milk it for all its worth. 

 

“Daryl… let me see.” He lets her take his hand. “It’s bleeding! I think you split the nail.”

 

“Damn hammer slipped-,” he says and lowering his voice he adds, “hurts like a bitch.” He feels a tiny bit guilty for the worry in her eyes.

 

“We better clean it off and bandage it.” Keeping a hold of his hand she starts toward the house. Daryl hears Rick chuckle. He glances back at the man- who mouths ‘pussy’ at him and Daryl flips him off. This cracks Beau up but Daryl can hear Carol admonishing the little boy and knows he’ll probably get a talking to later.

 

It’s okay though. He got Beth away from Zach even though he isn’t quite sure why he needed too. He’s not gonna dwell on it because his finger is throbbing and it really does hurt. 

 

They start up the porch steps and he takes her elbow and turns her around in his arms. Leaning in he kisses her hard and fast just to make himself feel better.

 

“Jeeze Uncle Daryl! Do you have to do that right here?” Looking away from Beth and her soft pink lips Daryl sees Sophia sitting with Carl on the swing. They have Judith with them and the baby is smiling and reaching for Sophia’s hair. They look a little too cozy sitting there together.

 

“Whata y’all doing up here alone?” He can feel the heat on his cheeks. He didn’t know he and Beth weren’t alone. But why are Carl and Sophia alone?

 

“Um, trying to get Judith to take a nap. Michonne asked me too.” Carl says with a smirk. 

 

“Uh huh.” Daryl starts in their direction but Beth gets ahold of his hand again and pulls him towards the door.

 

“Your finger Daryl.” He glances at it and sees the blood and with one more look at the kids, he follows Beth into the house.

 

“Hang on I need to grab the first aid kit.” She leaves him standing at the bottom of the stairs for a minute and when she comes back she just smiles and leads him upstairs.

It’s a little odd that they came all the way up here but he doesn’t question it. 

 

She washes his finger and she’s being so gentle and she’s so concerned about the nail and the fact that he might lose it he has to at least confess. They did agree to talk after all.

 

“Guess I was too busy watching that Zach kid follow you around like a damn puppy,” he mumbles embarrassed now that he’s actually saying it out loud.

 

“What? He wasn’t-” 

 

“Kinda was. Coulda came and helped with the barn, instead-”

 

“Daryl Dixon are you jealous?” She sounds amused and he just shrugs his shoulders refusing to meet her gaze. She finishes wrapping his finger with tape and puts everything in the small box. “Aren’t you even gonna ask why I brought you up here to do this?” 

 

He wasn’t. But. Walking over to the bathroom door she closes it and turns the lock on the knob.

 

“I meant what I said earlier… about sneaking off. But I figured this is even better.” She slips her arms around his neck. “I’ve been thinking about it all morning Daryl. Zach seems like a nice guy. But you gotta know where my heart is…” Her body is pressed up against him and he knows, he does. 

 

“I know... I- why’d ya bring me up here Beth?” Talking about Zach is done. He knows why she brought him up here but he wants to hear her say it.

 

“Well… you were so good to me earlier, I mean really good! I wanna show you how much I appreciate that.” She’s kissing him in between as she says it. Small kisses all over his face, everywhere except his mouth and he’s trying to kiss her but she’s teasing him.

 

“Oh yeah? Whada ya gonna do?” He wants to make her blush. Make her say the things that do that, the things she has no problem saying once he’s got her all worked up, but until then she’ll blush and giggle and damned if it isn’t his favorite part of foreplay.

 

But she’s not blushing at all as she drops to her knees in front of him. His mouth goes dry and his knees are suddenly weak.

 

“Jesus Beth… this is yer daddy’s house.” That really isn’t a problem for him but he figures he should at least say it. For reasons.

 

“My daddy is outside. He never comes upstairs.” She’s got the button on his jeans undone and she’s pulling on the zipper. He never asks her for this particular pleasure. He always lets her make the call. Not that he doesn't like it or want it cause god he wants it now... It’s just- she has to want it too.

 

And obviously, she does because he feels his ass hit the edge of the vanity as she takes his hard cock her soft, warm, mouth. Hissing a breath through his teeth he looks down at her and slides a hand through her hair, tangles his fingers in it. 

 

“Girl… “ She moves back lets him slide out of her mouth and runs her tongue around the rim and then down the front of his cock. He hangs on to the edge of the vanity with one hand and uses the other that’s still in her hair to tilt her head back just enough so that she looks up and him.

 

“Fuck Beth... “ It’s good. It’s so good, but it could be better. “Touch yerself, get yer hand in yer pants… I want ya ta come when I do.” She starts to pull away, he knows she’s gonna protest, tell him this is for him.  Fisting his hand in her hair he doesn’t let her move, holds her there. The little whimper that comes out of her mouth might make him nervous but she’s frantically working the button on her jeans free and something in her eyes… she likes it. He gives her hair another tug, bringing her mouth back where he wants it and she moans around his cock as she wriggles her hand down the front of her jeans. 

 

“Yeah, that’s right… make it good fer you too…” It’s too much and not enough. Her hand and her mouth, he knows he’s close and it feels so good. But he stops her with his hand again and the frustrated little grunt she gives makes him chuckle. “Up here. I wanna finish inside of ya.” That’s an option now. She went to the doctor and he tucked the box of condoms under the sink.

 

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she pushes her jeans down and as soon as she kicks them off Daryl picks her up and sets her on the edge of the vanity. Squealing she gets a handful of his t-shirt and pulls him close.

 

“Come on Daryl… fuck me... please...“ she whines. He didn’t get to make her blush but it’s so fucking good he forgets to care. Sliding his hands under her ass he catches her eye. Was that voices? “Don’t you dare stop… don’t…” So he doesn’t. 

 

But he swears he hears the screen door slam as he slams into her. And he’s sure there are feet pounding up the stairs as he pounds into her.

 

“Baby brother where the hell ya at?” Merle bellows just as Beth muffles her scream in the crook of his neck and he bites his lip to keep himself from yelling.

 

“Comin’…” Daryl manages to squeak out as he feels her clench around him pushing him over the edge.

 

“I bet ya are!” Merle chuckles and Daryl hears his brother's feet on the stairs and the screen door slamming as he leaves. 

 

“We almost got caught!” Beth says shakily from where her face is pressed up against his neck. 

 

Almost. Try did. And was that why it was a little ‘more’ this time? Or was it the fact that Beth gave him a look when he pulled on her hair and held her head? What the hell is happening to him? This girl… she’s making him do and feel and want things he never imagined. 

 

“Ain’t never gonna hear the end a this..” Daryl murmurs as he tilts her chin up so he can kiss her.

“Was it worth it?” Her blue eyes are sparkling and her hair is coming out of its ponytail. 

 

“Hell yeah!” It always is.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Michonne is on the porch laying Judith in a pack n’ play when they come back out. Beth sees Daryl looking around and knows exactly what he’s wondering. He heads off towards the barn and Beth smiles at Michonne.

 

“The kids didn’t have any luck?” Beth asks.

 

“Nope. But Carl is impatient.” Michonne says tucking the blanket around the little girl. “She just needed a mama’s touch.” Beth knows Michonne's story, how she lost her infant son in a car wreck that put her ex-boyfriend in jail. She also knows Rick’s story. And her story and Daryl’s.

 

The sun and the moon.

 

“Hey, you wanna help me carve up the turkey? I’m pretty sure it’s about that time. I just don’t know how good I’ll be at it.” 

 

“Sure. I can share some of my turkey carving tips with you.”  Michonne laughs. “As if! We can just figure it out together.”

 

“Okay I’m going to grab some plates and I’ll meet you in there.” 

 

As Beth walks over to the picnic tables she hears Daryl ask about Carl and Sophia. 

 

“Where’d them kids go?” 

 

“Sent them over to get another couple of hammers,” Merle says.  “Why ya need ‘em fer somethin’? Figured y’all wouldn’t be back out here for a while.” 

 

“Kiss my…” Daryl looks over to where Beau, DJ, and Abbi are sitting at a picnic table watching them and kicks the dirt. “I need a bigger level. I’ma catch up with ‘em,” Daryl says as he starts walking and Beth follows.

 

“Y’all don’t get lost in them woods now ya hear… might be wolves or something.” Merle’s laughter follows them to the edge of the woods.

 

“Daryl, what are you doing?” Beth catches up to him and smiles at the look on his face.

 

“My brother is clueless.”

 

“What exactly do you think they’re doing out there?” Beth asks him genuinely curious as to what his answer will be. Sophia has a crush but Carl seems oblivious. He might be older but he’s definitely not as mature and trying to explain that to Daryl is kind of pointless. He’s in uncle mode and to be honest Beth thinks it’s sweet.

 

“Don’t know… just gonna make sure.” Sophia’s screech rings through the trees and Daryl breaks into a jog. Beth follows and stops him in a little copse of trees. 

 

“Wait.” She says holding onto his arm.

 

“Carl! Get that away from me!” Carl has a little snake in his hands and he’s chasing Sophia. “You are so immature!”

 

“He’s cool, check him out!” Sophia keeps walking though shaking her head. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of snakes! Girls!” Carl sets the snake down and runs after her and Beth gives Daryl’s arm a squeeze.

 

“I don’t think you need to worry.”

 

“Yet.” His brow is furrowed but he lays a hand over Beth’s

 

“Carl’s a good kid,” Beth says leaning into him. 

 

“I know he is, but he’s a teenage boy.”

 

“So have a talk with him.”

 

“Me?”

 

Yeah. He likes you and he’ll probably listen.” She watches as he mulls that over. Then he nods and slides an arm around her waist. 

 

“If we was that age I’d prolly chase you around the woods too. But I’d wanna kiss ya,” he says huskily.

 

“Told you, you could… chase me all over the woods and if you catch me…”

 

“Stop... I gotta get back ta work and ya ain’t…” Shaking his head he takes her hand and starts back toward the farm.

 

“What about your level?” she asks.

 

“Never needed it.” Just as she thought. He just wanted an excuse to follow Carl and Sophia.

 

By the time Beth and Michonne get the turkey carved up and Maggie and Amy finish getting the rest of the food warmed and ready to take outside Glenn has a bandage on his thumb where he cut it, Zach’s nursing a sore toe from trying to copy Daryl and kick a board into place and Beau is on a timeout for trying helping Abbi climb a tree which she promptly fell out of and skinned her knee. She’s sitting with him, little wings crooked as ever, demanding that he didn’t ‘do nothin’.

 

With a couple of picnic tables pushed together, they can all sit together and the sun is shining and it’s perfect. Or close enough. Beth heard Judith crying and waved Michonne off so she could get the baby herself. And as she walks back to her family and friends she snuggles the little girl close. She catches Daryl staring at her, a funny expression on his face. But she gets it.

 

Maybe someday. 

 

They crowd around the tables passing rolls and turkey, making sandwiches, laughing at Merle who’s moaning and groaning about his back hurting and cheering when Rick holds up Michonne’s hand and tells them all she said yes. Finally. When Hershel clears his throat Beth looks over at Daryl remembering what she told him about her family Thanksgivings. Abbi already said the blessing thanking God for dinner and her two best friends Beau and DJ. So there’s only one other thing left. And it’s only fitting that this is the year they bring the tradition back.

 

Daryl squeezes her hand and she knows what she’s going to say when it’s her turn.

 

****  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I got lost in the sweetness! I hope you all liked it! Leave a note and let me know! Thank you so much!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I had too many different versions of this chapter and I wrote and rewrote and it finally came together at 5:18 pm PST! I hope you like it! You may want to have tissues nearby… just saying. Thank you for sticking with me and for loving this story as much as I do and for saying such nice things!**

Winter came rushing in like an unwanted guest bringing with it hurricane strength winds. Merle and Daryl finished the barn right before the first big storm hit and Nellie was tucked safely away in her dry stall. Daryl made sure of it. For Beth.

 

For some reason he hasn’t figured out yet, the wind sets Beth's nerves on edge. Most nights it wakes her up, like a bad dream. She wriggles as close to him as she can possibly be and he holds her, his palm pressed to the small of her back, whispers against her skin, little words to calm her. Usually, he finds her lips with his and then comfort turns to kissing and heavy breathing and he’s hard, nudging at her hip and she's squirming to get a leg up over his thigh, rub herself against him, the wind forgotten.

 

It’s been happening a lot lately. And it isn’t getting old. It probably never will.

 

He came to bed with nothing on and he’s already got her t-shirt over her head when she snakes a hand down between them and gets ahold of his cock and strokes it slowly like he likes her too. He can see her eyes wide and glittering in the glow from the night light she put in the hallway right outside their bedroom door. Not too bright just enough to see by because she knows he likes to be able to see her.

 

“Gonna wake me up like this every night girl?” he growls as he rolls her onto her back and slides a hand up her thigh.

 

“Uh huh... If you want me too, I will… I… yes... Daryl!” She’s shaking under the ministrations of his fingers and she’s so wet, he doesn’t want to wait. He wants her, wants to be inside her.

 

“Beth... I want-”

 

“Me too-” Her knees are braced against his hips as he fists his cock and nudges her soft folds. She sighs and it sounds almost like a song as he sinks into her, kisses her again, he loves her mouth, loves how she just opens up to him, lets him take everything. 

 

Raising up he withdraws from her and it makes him shiver, gives him goosebumps. Could be her hands too, running over his shoulders and down his back to rest on his hips, pull him closer, whimper that he needs to _go faster... harder Daryl!_

 

There’s a pounding somewhere. It’s too loud to be his heart and he fixed the headboard. He’s losing his focus on her listening and then he hears it again. 

 

“Daryl- someone’s-” she’s breathless but so is he and he’d ignore the pounding but it’s insistent and it’s the middle of the night which is kind of concerning. Enough so that he eases off of her and out of bed pulling the comforter up over her. Grabbing his sweats he hisses as the elastic waistband rubs the length of his sensitive cock.

 

This better be important.

 

Merle’s standing out on the little landing bundled up in a jacket.

 

“Had a tree go over- hit the roof.” That’s all Merle has to say.

 

“Lemme get my boots. I’ll be right over.” Merle nods and takes off down the stairs the wind throwing him off balance.

 

Beth’s sitting up when he walks in. Flipping on the light he grabs a pair of socks.

 

“What’s going on?” The comforter is bunched up around her waist leaving her bare. Her hair is messy and her lips are kiss swollen and he can’t look at her for too long or he might end up back in bed.

 

“Tree fell on the house.” Boots on he pulls a hoodie over his head. Beth’s already in her t-shirt and crawling across the bed.

 

“Oh no! Is everyone okay?” She’s pulling on her jeans and a hoodie because of course she’s gonna follow him. He’d rather she stay here. Safe. But she won’t.

 

“Don’t know… com’on.” He takes her hand and they head out into the windy night.

 

One of the big pines in front of the house lost a branch and it hit the corner of the roof over the living room. The picture window shattered and the stars in the sky are visible through a large crack in the roof.

 

“I knew I shoulda had that fuckin’ tree cut back! Dammit!” Merle is standing in the living room rubbing his face. Carol and the kids are huddled together in the dining room and Beth joins them.

 

“Ya got any tarp? And we got that piece of plywood. Least we can cover the hole and the window fer now.” Merle’s nodding. There isn’t much else they can do tonight.

 

“Yeah alright, go on and get what ya can. I’m gonna move stuff outta the way.”

 

Daryl finds what he needs and Beth’s waiting for him at the back door and helps him get the plywood into the living room. They manage to get things covered up for the night. There’s another branch hanging off of the tree at a weird angle and it looks like it could go at any time. Merle adamantly tells the boys to stay away from the living room as he ushers them into the kitchen.

 

Carol refused to let them work alone and she joined in moving furniture. When they finish the kids are sitting at the island drinking hot cocoa that Beth must have made for them. When he and Beth first walked in the boys looked pretty scared but now, with mugs of cocoa piled high with marshmallows and Beth listening intently to them recount how the crash woke them up, the fear Daryl saw in their eyes is gone.

 

Because of her. She chased it away. Made them feel safe. Kinda like what he was doing for her and what he plans on finishing even if they don’t crawl back into bed until the sun comes up.

 

By the time they do make it back to the apartment and into bed, sleep comes fast and since the wind eased up with the sunrise their sleep is uninterrupted.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Every morning when she leaves for the next few days Merle, Daryl and Abe are working on the roof. There is definitely a storm coming and plywood and tarp aren’t going to keep it out.

 

This afternoon when she gets home they are still out there and after she puts her things away and changes leggings and a t-shirt she grabs one of Daryl’s hoodies and pulls it over her head. She likes how big they are and how they cover so much of her when it’s cold. And they smell like him. Even freshly washed they still have the lingering scent that she knows belongs to him.

 

The guys are on the roof and she doesn't think they see her come up and maybe she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but she does anyway.

 

“I didn’t dump her for Sasha! We had some issues. Been trying to work through ‘em for a while. I don’t know… I met Sasha and she was nice and she’s got her shit together and… fuck you, Merle… Sasha knew I had someone and she refused to do anything until I handled it. Still, ain’t done nothing.” Abe grumbles.

 

“Jus’ gonna jump in the sack with her man? Thought ya liked her?” Merle is chuckling. And Daryl must have done something cause she never heard him say anything.

 

“You can stop giving me that look Daryl! You got a sweet thing to crawl into bed with every-”

 

“Ho boy! Best not start talkin’ ‘bout his girl. He’s liable ta push ya off this here roof!” 

 

“Hey I ain’t trying to be disrespectful, he’s got a good thing he-” Beth bumps a sawhorse and knocks over a couple of two by fours and three heads lean over and look down at her.

 

“Oh, hi, I was just coming to see how it’s going,” she says nervously as Daryl climbs down the ladder and joins her.

 

“ ‘S going good. Almost done.” He eye’s the hoodie. 

 

“And it’s a good thing cause we gotta start demo on the Peachtree place,” Abe calls down.

 

“What? That what yer girl Sasha tellin’ ya?” Merle can’t stop ribbing Abe and Beth finds it kind of funny. Also informative. Daryl doesn’t tell her about all the gossiping they do.

 

“Who’s Sasha?” Glancing at Daryl he shrugs.

 

“Client’s assistant. We run everything by her. She takes it to her boss. It’s a fuckin’ nightmare.”

 

“It’s the art gallery right?” Daryl nods reaching over and tugging on the shirt.

 

“Thas’ my favorite hoodie.” She smiles up at him knowing full well she can win him over.

 

“I know. It keeps me warm. I won’t get it dirty Daryl, I promise. It smells like you. I like that.” She lowers her voice so only he can hear her but Merle and Abe are busy arguing over shingles or something so they aren’t even paying attention.

 

“Yeah? ‘M wearin’ it tomorrow then and it’s gonna smell like you.” He’s so damn sexy when he says stuff like that. But she can’t come out and tell him that because then he might stop. Being sexy that is.

 

“So it’s almost done?” She watches as he starts pulling shingles from a box.

 

“Yep, jus’ gotta match these up and secure ‘em.”

 

“Great. Well… Rosita wants me to play. This Saturday.” Her throat is dry as she says it and Daryl stops what he’s doing to look over at her.

 

“Yer gonna do it ain’t ya?” She’s been working on a few songs and she’s definitely got them down, what she doesn’t know and what she can’t practice is if she’s ready to play in front of a crowd. Daryl thinks so. But Daryl thinks she can do anything.

 

“I, I’m nervous. But yeah I’m gonna.”

 

“Good.” It’s only one word and it doesn’t even matter really. Everything he wants to say is in his eyes and his touch as he wraps her up in his arms.

 

“I’m not telling anyone else. Not this time. Not yet.” She decided that earlier when she was talking to Rosita. For her first time she needs to just do it and the only person she really wants there is Daryl. 

 

“Not even yer sister?”

 

“No. I just want you there. That’s all I need.” He squeezes a little tighter and brushes her forehead with his lips.

 

“Whatever ya want girl. It’s yer show. I’ma be there.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Saturday rolls around and it’s raining and gloomy. Beth’s making up for that though. Her nervous energy has her bouncing all over the apartment talking to herself and sometimes coming in to get his opinion on a shirt or a song and it’s making him feel warm despite the beginnings of a storm that’s been brewing the past couple of days.

 

He’s got the plans for the art gallery spread out in front of him and while he has no problem reading them he does better actually visualizing when he’s in the space. They started on some of the demo and he could see how everything would come together when they were there tearing out walls and making space. Here on the paper, it’s just lines and numbers. But it’s unavoidable and a requirement for permits. Abe drew the plans up. He majored in Military Engineering and although Daryl was never had any training at all he’s picking up on like he has.

 

There’s something in the back of his head, a set of plans he sees in his future that maybe he could draw up himself. He’s thinking about it- that’s all for now. Her flitting around the apartment like a deranged butterfly only makes his thoughts sweeter.

 

His phone vibrates on the table next to him. Abe calling again.

 

“Yeah man- I know, I got ‘em. Yeah, I can read ‘em… uh huh. Nah not tonight. I got plans. Yeah. Alright.” Beth is standing behind him. Waiting.

 

“Should I wear a sweater? Cause it’s cold…”

 

“Shit Beth I don’t know! Ya, look pretty in anythin’.”

 

“Really?” She isn’t fishing for compliments. He knows she’s nervous. Probably even scared. So he’ll just keep reassuring her.

 

“Uh huh…” 

 

“Okay.. okay, I’m just so nervous..” Taking her hand he pulls her down onto his lap.

 

“ ‘S gonna be fine girl.” That seems to help because she disappears into the bathroom and bedroom and he doesn’t see her again until it’s time to go. She comes out in another one of his hoodies. A soft gray that’s still fairly new. Black leggings and the crazy combat boots that she loves, her hair up in a ponytail- his Beth. She looks like his Beth.

 

“It’s okay?” Her eyes are wide as she stands in front of him waiting for his approval as if it should matter as if she isn’t enough all on her own. But he gives it to her anyway. Because it’s so damn important to her. And because he’ll do anything for her.

“Damn ya make my hoodie look good!” Her laughter and the way she wraps him in a hug is just a bonus.

 

“I’m ready. I can do this!” 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The little bookstore is quaint. It smells like paper and coffee. The front of the shop has a coffee bar and in one corner in front of a big picture window, there’s a stool and a mic. A few small tables, a couple of wingback chairs, and a small loveseat provide seating.

 

There are a few customers milling around. The glance over at her curiously. She’s got her guitar case and she’s still nervous. But Daryl’s standing here, right behind her and if he’s the only one in the audience she’ll be completely okay with that. 

 

“Beth! I’m glad you made it. The weather is definitely not in our favor.” Rosita smiles as she walks up to them.

 

“That’s okay. I’m- I’m kinda nervous. It’s okay to start small…”

 

“You’ve got Daryl- hi Daryl.” Rosita smiles at him too and he nods. 

 

He’d been concerned about what he was supposed to say or if he was even supposed to say anything about Abe.

 

“You don’t have to say anything Daryl,” she’d told him. 

 

They both agreed that Abe’s personal life was none of their business even if Abe and Rosita were their friends. For Daryl, the extent of his friendship with Abe had mainly been business until the guy showed up and helped with the barn, even donating some of the materials. 

 

They can be friends with both of them and remain uninvolved. Rosita seems to be thinking about the same thing.

 

“I just want you to know, Abe and I had our problems. I’m not saying everything was perfect and he just out of the blue decided I wasn’t the only woman in the world anymore. He’s a good guy, it just- well he helped me a lot now it’s time for me to help myself. So I don’t expect you to choose sides.” She’s looking at Daryl when she says it and Beth saves him from having to respond.

 

“I’m sorry Rosita.” There’s really nothing else to say. Rosita shows her where she’s going to play and leaves her to get set up.

 

Customers have filled two of the little tables. And they’re waiting expectantly. Beth notices an easel off to the right. On it is a flyer on it that says “Open Mic Acoustic Set Artist: Beth Greene 6pm.” There’s a picture of her too. It’s one Rosita took. Beth’s is laughing in it because she’s uncomfortable posing and Rosita had been making jokes to loosen her up. It helped. She looks happy. She looks like she feels the majority of the time now. It’s so different from the girl she was.

 

Daryl’s looking at the picture too and he gestures to it.

 

“That new?” he asks in a low voice- a soft voice, the voice he uses when he’s telling her things that mean something.

 

“Yeah. Rosita took it. For the flyer.” Beth feels a blush on her cheeks. He moves closer to it, picks it up and there’s a hint of a smile and something else as he looks at it. Setting it back down he rests his eyes on her, doesn’t say anything, just looks, but there’s so much in that look. And she’s feeling a myriad of feelings under his scrutiny.

 

“Daryl- what?” 

 

“How’d I get so fuckin’ lucky girl?” he murmurs moving closer so she can hear him. It’s an echo because they’ve said these words to each other before but it still makes her heart beat a little faster hearing him say them and knowing she feels exactly the same way.

 

“That’s the same question I’m always asking myself about you.” He shakes his head but doesn’t take his eyes off of her.

 

“Ain’t even close ta the same thing... I’ma go sit.”

 

“Okay…” She squeezes his hand because a kiss would be too much. He’s not gone far when she calls to him.

 

“Daryl?” He turns and he still has that look in his eyes. Something.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Every song I’m singing is for you.” It’s unexpected, the way his smile lights up his face. He’s so guarded but when those guards come down, he’s definitely her sun.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He’d planned on paying attention to the other people that were watching. He wanted to make sure he could tell her how much they were all enjoying her singing. 

 

His intentions had been good. But he couldn’t take his eyes off of her, not even for a second. He’s been listening to her singing for so long now and she’s been practicing for tonight. It was different though, watching her here, like this. 

 

She sings a couple of covers. One he knows, the other he’d only come to know because she sang it so much when she was practicing. Then she did one of her own about butterflies and falling in love and he knows if he didn’t already know who it was about he’d be jealous. 

 

The window behind her is dark and car lights flash on it, blurry from the rain. A string of twinkly white lights frame the window and her, perched on the stool singing and enjoying it, any sign of her nervousness from earlier gone. She does look over at him an awful lot though. And that’s okay. That’s what he hoped she’d do. 

 

Before he knows it she’s done and the small crowd of people who filled the tables and chairs are clapping and she’s beaming up there on that stool. That’s where she belongs, in the spotlight. 

 

He claps too. And he stands but doesn't know what he’s supposed to do next. A few people have approached her and they’re saying things that are making her smile and nod her head so he moves off to the side and lets her enjoy her moment. It’s not long but it feels like forever before she finally comes to stand beside him.

 

“How’d I do?” Her blue eyes are sparkling.

 

“How’d ya do? Seems to me everybody loved it. They all-”

 

“Not them. You, Daryl. I wanna know what you think?”

 

“I think yer amazin’.” 

 

“You’re always gonna say that aren’t you?” But he can tell she’s pleased. She’s got her guitar case and he reaches for it letting his hand drag down her arm and brush the back of her hand.

 

“Always gonna mean it.” Her lips are parted just a little as she leans into him, hand pressed against his chest.

 

“Thank you, Daryl…” As if he had anything to do with it. But maybe this is how it works. When someone says you make me a better person, maybe this is it. He knows without a doubt she makes him a better person. She was already something special, she just didn’t know it.  _ Until you. _

 

Well.

 

“Yer welcome.” 

 

“So? How’d you like it?” Rosita comes rushing over. “You were a hit. The customers loved you!”

 

“I liked it. It was fun.” Her smile isn’t as big as it was when she was talking to him. He notices that right off.

 

“So you’ll do it again?” 

 

“I might, yeah.”

 

“Good! Okay, I have to get back but thank you for coming out in the rain and all.” She hugs Beth and even hugs Daryl as he stands there unsure of what to do with his hands. “I’ll call you next week!” Then she’s gone and he takes Beth’s hand and her guitar case and they head out into the rainy night.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By the time they get into the apartment, they’re soaked and Beth can’t stop laughing. They left her guitar in the truck because the rain was coming down so hard. It wasn’t even like raindrops but was more like buckets of water being dumped on them. And even parking as close to the stairs as possible didn’t help.

 

They’re standing just inside the door stripping off their wet clothing which isn’t easy and definitely comical. She’s tangled up in her leggings and Daryl’s growling from inside his hoodie that he’s struggling to pull off. Her foot catches on the elastic and she lands on her butt on the floor and he’s beside her before she can even determine if it actually hurt.

 

“Ya alright? Beth?” He’s bare from the waist up, wet hair dripping onto his chest. His blue eyes are dark, and as he takes her in they darken. He reaches out and runs a finger along her jaw and down the curve of her neck chasing water droplets, making her shiver. Letting her head fall back she moans a little as his mouth replaces his finger and he licks the water away leaving her wet in other places.

 

He’s reaching around behind her unclasping her bra and she gets a hold of his fly, works the button open and as her bra falls away he leans back and wrestles his way out of the wet jeans. She sucks in a breath because he’s not wearing anything underneath which shouldn’t even be surprising by now, only it is, for some reason it always is. Maybe it’s because his cock, no longer trapped in the confines of his jeans is close enough for her to reach out and touch, lean over and takes him in her mouth. Groaning, he stutters her name as she scrambles between his legs, Maybe it’s that or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s like this, hard and glistening with precum because of her.

 

“Jesus, fuck Beth… right here- right…” She takes him again as much as she can into her mouth. That’s his answer. He’s on his knees one hand tangled in her hair the other behind him, holding him up.

 

She figured it wouldn’t last. The floor is relentless under her knees and as hot as this is she’s starting to shiver. So when he leans forward and eases her back with a hand on her shoulder she lets his cock slide out of her mouth with a small pop. One last suck and he’s hissing her name.

 

He’s right behind her when they climb onto the bed and he doesn’t waste a second before flipping her over. He pushes his shoulders between her thighs spreading her legs wide. He smiles up at her before lowering his head and kissing his way up from her knee, inside her thigh all the way up to her pussy. He does the same on the other side and she knows he’s taking his time, driving her insane.

 

“Daryl… I wanted to finish, I wasn’t… oh my god.” She can feel his hot breath on her lips as he whispers,

 

“Jus’ needed a taste.” Any protest she might have attempted is cut short by his mouth and tongue doing things that aren’t fair but so agonizing good she can only whimper. 

 

Just a quick as it started it stops. Opening her eyes she finds him kneeling between her legs, cock in his hand.

 

“Keep looking at me, don’ look away... Gonna make you sing girl,” Fisting his cock he braces himself above her with one arm and eases into her, fills her up. His muscles move under her hands and she can feel his body vibrating as if his control is slipping. Arching her back she gives him more but he stops her with a hand on her hip.

 

“Daryl… please…”

 

“Don’t gotta beg. Yer gonna sing got a beautiful voice Beth, but I like it best when yer singing jus’ fer me.” He lowers his head kisses her cheek, her shoulder, traces her nipple with his tongue then slams into her. His name is on her lips with every thrust and it’s even better when she can hear his strained whisper, her name. He can sing too, only for her though and it pushes her over the edge and when she comes his lips find hers and he swallows her song.

 

She went to the bookstore tonight looking for something. Maybe proof that she could do it on her own, she could get up and sing and not be afraid of the ghosts. But she realized even if she had been afraid she didn’t have to do it alone. 

 

All her songs were his songs, she was singing for him. No matter where she is even if he’s not there, every song she’s singing is for him. He collapses beside her and she whispers it in his ear as everything softens and slows and sleep comes and wraps around them.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Hershel’s call came early the next morning before they were even out of bed. He asked Daryl if he and Beth could come by and bring down the Christmas decorations. He wanted to do a little decorating before Abbi and Claire came home. Amy had taken them to visit her sister in Chicago. Daryl had told him that would be fine and they’d be over after breakfast. 

 

Beth had stared at him expectantly after he hung up. Waiting. 

 

“Yer daddy needs some help bringing down Christmas decorations.” Her eyes had filled with tears. And he hadn’t expected that.

 

“Oh.” A soft exhale, one that tugs at his heart.

 

“Beth, hey com’on… ‘s Christmas. Those little girls need it, they-”

 

“I know, it’s good, it’s okay. I just-” She rolls over into his embrace and he lets her cry because maybe she just needs too. He can’t always fix it. He’s learning that.

 

By the time they get to the farm, she’s excited. Her blue eyes are sparkling like she’s the little girl her daddy's decorating for. And maybe in a way she is. Hershel has coffee waiting and he explains exactly which boxes he wants and where they are while Beth bounces on her toes.

 

“Daddy I know where they are!” He reaches for her hand then and Daryl sees something cross Hershel’s face and he takes his daughter's hand.

 

“Bethy, there are a couple of boxes over by your old dollhouse. They have your mama’s name them. Could you please bring those too.” The words seem to take a minute to register, but Daryl sees it the minute they do, he sees the change on her face, part fear, part wonder.

 

“Daddy?” she whispers it.

 

“Well you know Abbi… that girl, sometimes she asks me…” Hershel squeezes Beth’s hand and smiles. “She wanted to know if there was ever a grandma and could she see her…” The sob that Beth tries to stifle hurts in a way that Daryl doesn’t understand and it takes everything in him not to go to her. He moves a little closer but he doesn’t stop what’s started. 

 

They need this. It’s healing. He can see that. Even though it fucking hurts like something he doesn’t quite understand.

 

“I’ve been keeping her locked up in the past. A memory. That was wrong. I was wrong. Your mama is still here. She always has been. I think you’ve been the only one brave enough to see that. Abbi has a grandma and you have a mama and it’s time for me to stop being a stubborn old man. I had a girl. I want to remember that.” Hershel is holding her and Daryl can hear her crying and when she glances over at him there’s nothing that is gonna stop him from going to her. He takes her hand and when she’s ready she moves away from Hershel enough so that she can look up at him.

 

“We can do that, we’ll get all of it, daddy.”

 

“Okay, I’m going to go in here and see exactly what I need to do.” Hershel heads towards the parlor, that what it’s called. A fancy word for living room is what Daryl thinks. He noticed the old man has gotten to the point where you can’t even tell he’s walking on a prosthetic. He seems to be walking taller too. At least Daryl hopes he is.

 

Pulling Beth close to him he cups her face in his hands. He doesn’t say anything, just looks into her eyes and hopes maybe she gets it, all the things he can’t say. There is one thing though, something she told him not too long ago.

 

“Lovin’ people hurts girl, someone tol’ me that when I needed ta hear it.” She laughs a little, cries a little and hugs him tight pressing her ear to his chest. It‘s become one of his favorite things, her listening to his heartbeat, says it’s like a song. It is. It’s her song. She made it hers.

 

The attic is memories, all memories. Daryl never had an attic growing up. He doesn’t think Merle’s house has one now either. When he finally builds them a house. It’s gonna have an attic. He decides that as they carry all the boxes down to Hershel. Beth shows him things from her childhood Christmases and she helps her daddy pick out a few things to put up leaving the rest for the girls to help with. 

 

When they finally leave covered in dust and cobwebs, he sees her glance over her shoulder on more time as they walk out the door. He knows what she’s looking at and he squeezes her hand.

 

For the first time in thirteen years, her mama’s picture is back on the mantel at Christmas time.

 

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Well I’m a wreck… Healing is hard and it hurts but sometimes the hurt is good. I hope you enjoyed! And that you had tissues on hand just in case!**


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here we are again… late I know but nothing was going my way last night! Thanks for being nice! Here’s a whole bunch of good stuff!**

 

 

 

Beth’s nose is red where it peeks out from between her scarf and knit cap. It would be almost comical if Daryl wasn’t worried about her. She’d been down the last couple of days, said she felt like she was catching a cold, kept popping vitamin C and drinking tea with honey.

 

Meanwhile, he watched her like a hawk and cooked soup for dinner saying he’d been craving it. Daryl’s not a big fan of soup and Beth knows this. She hadn’t called him out though and she’d eaten a couple of bowls.

 

“Whada ya think?” he asks her letting his gloved hand bump into her fuzzy blue mitten. They’re standing in front of a decent looking fir tree in the town’s only Christmas tree lot. 

 

“You make the call Daryl. I’m not feeling so good.” Finally. Now that she’d admitted it he can do what he’s wanted to do all along.

 

Take care of her.

 

“Yeah? Well, it took ya long enough ta admit it. Com’on, this one’ll do.” Picking up the tree and reaching for her hand he leads her to the cashier. While they’re waiting for the customers in front of them he takes a good look at her and now that she’s got her guard down he can see it in her eyes.

 

“I don't want to be sick at Christmas.” Her whole demeanor has changed. Coming out to get a tree had been her idea. She’d pressed until Daryl had agreed because she seemed so excited about it. She wanted to see the lights and drink cocoa she’d said. But once they were in the truck driving here the excitement had disappeared and she’d leaned against him, humming along with the Christmas carols on the radio.

 

He should’ve turned around and gone back home right then.

 

“Don’t got a choice. I’m gonna take care of ya-”

 

"Like you’ve already been doing?” Her soft laughter does things to him. This time though it’s tangled up in his heart. Of course, she notices.

 

“In sickness an in health- somethin’ like that,” he mumbles feeling self-conscious at the connotation but he won’t take it back.

 

“We’re not married yet…” She says this is a teasing sort of way. Not at all trying to imply anything. And they may not be married but he’s keeping her forever. 

 

“Don’ matter, yer my girl.” It’s their turn to pay and Daryl digs in his pocket for his wallet and hands the cashier some bills. While they’re waiting for the change Carl comes up to them.

 

“Hey, Daryl- hi Beth! Can I help you load up your tree?”  Daryl notices the name tag pinned to the red apron Carl has on. He also wearing a Santa Hat. 

 

“Uh yeah, sure. Just toss it in the back of my truck,” Daryl says and because he can’t resist he reaches out and tweaks the white pom-pom on the end of Carl’s hat. He smirks when Carl’s cheeks turn pink.

 

“It’s part of the uniform,” the boy mumbles taking the tree. “Do you want it wrapped up in netting?” His game face is back in place and he smiles like he’s having the time of his life.

 

“Nah- jus’ throw it in the truck.” As they follow Carl to the truck Daryl slips an arm around Beth’s waist and leans in and kisses her forehead.

 

“You checking my temperature?” Beth asks leaning into him.

 

“Yep. Ya feel warm Beth.”  Carl comes back over to them, a couple of candy canes in his hand. 

 

“Here ya go. Have a Merry Christmas!”

 

“Ya look ridiculous,” Daryl says and Carl turns even redder than before.

 

“I know. But I’m getting paid and it’s easy. I gotta buy Christmas gifts and I don’t think my dad can afford the fishing pole I want so I’m gonna put some money away for that too.”

 

“I think you look cute Carl,” Beth says and Carl’s smile is huge. She takes the candy Carl holds out to her.

 

“Thanks, Beth.” He glances over at Daryl. “You wanna borrow my hat? I bet you’d look real cute in it too!” Carl takes off before Daryl can get a hold of him calling ‘Merry Christmas’ over his shoulder again as he goes.

 

“Little punk,” Daryl says under his breath as he opens Beth’s door.

 

“You like him,” Beth says as she slides in. “And I think you would look cute in a Santa hat Daryl. I would even sit on your lap if you were wearing one.” She’s not feeling good but still manages to make him feel like he’s on top of the world.

 

“Shit Beth, I’m gonna have to go get one then. Jus’ fer you.” He says quietly as he leans in and kisses her cheek. He’s never talked like this, never even thought things like this… until her. And the way her face lights up makes his discomfort worth it.

 

She doesn’t hum as they drive back home. She curls up against him and listens as he talks about the fishing pole he thinks he might get Carl. He’s just gotta talk to Rick and make sure it’s okay. And before they even get home she’s asleep and she hardly protests as he carries her up the stairs and into the apartment.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By the next morning, Beth is officially sick. She called into work which made her not only feel bad but upset that she’d have to cancel the story hour Christmas party that the children had been looking forward too. Finals finished up last week and the college is closed for winter break. The kids are also on their break. Daryl and Merle are trying to finish up the demo that they started on their Peachtree project. They’re working around the weather and today the sun had been shining so they needed to take advantage. Daryl hadn’t wanted to leave her though and only agreed after she assured him she’d call Carol or the kids if she needed anything.

 

Carol called earlier (she had a feeling Daryl would tell Carol she was home sick) and said she was sending DJ over with some lunch.

 

“Actually he wanted to come. He wants to talk to you and he seems pretty serious. Are you up for that? Because it’s okay if you’re not-”

 

“Of course he can come over.” DJ’s a special kid. She loves all three of the kids, but DJ’s gotten close to both her and Daryl over the past few months. Especially Daryl. They’ve been working on bolt making. Beau doesn’t have the patience to sit and do the meticulous work that it requires. But DJ could sit for hours like his uncle. And that’s exactly what they do huddled over the little kitchen table.

 

“You’ll tell me if something's going on that I should know about…”

 

“I will. I’d never keep something from you. In fact, I’ll always encourage him to talk you to you.” She’s curious now what DJ wants to talk about. And why her?

 

A few minutes later there’s a knock at the door.

 

“Come in!” She’s on the couch with blankets and pillows, way too many, but Daryl set it up for her and she didn’t have the heart to tell him it was too much. He also put aspirin, a water bottle, and cough drops on the coffee table where she can reach them. It’s sweet. And it makes her feel loved.

 

DJ’s balancing a Tupperware container full of soup and a paper bag in one arm and he has a carton of chocolate milk in his other hand. He sets everything on the coffee table in front of Beth and smiles at her.

 

“Me and Beau gave you one of our chocolate milks cause we know ya like chocolate.” He looks pretty proud of this. Beth reaches for it.

 

“I do! Thank you, DJ. I bet the cold milk will feel good on my sore throat,” Beth says opening it. “Are you going to sit with me for a while?” He looks a little nervous when she mentions that but he nods his head.

 

“I’m supposed to get a spoon and napkin for you,” he says.

 

“Go ahead. You know where everything is.” He heads into the kitchen and she listens as he opens a drawer and pulls a paper towel off the roll. He hands these things to her and then sits down on the floor next to the table.

 

“Are you excited for Christmas?” He nods again and then shrugs.

 

“I kinda miss school though,” he confesses. It surprises her a little. After all the trouble the boys had last year, this is a big change. Especially since it’s DJ. The teasing he’d dealt with had made even her angry. Kids could be so cruel.

 

“Oh really? You’re enjoying it this year?” Beth takes a sip of the soup which she really isn’t hungry for. The paper bag has a couple of breadsticks in it and even though they smell really good she can’t bring herself to eat one. Rolling up the bag she smiles at DJ.

 

“I like it. ‘M good at math, like uncle Daryl. And I have friends.” Friends. Last year no one played with the twins. Blinking back tears she smiles even bigger.

 

“I’m glad to hear that DJ. I know last year was hard.” He’s nodding again. Pointing to the bag he asks,

 

“Can I have one if yer not gonna eat them both?” Beth pushes the bag over to him. After he takes a breadstick out he looks up at her.

 

“Beth do you like uncle Daryl’s scars?” That one came right out of left field and she’s totally unprepared for it and has no idea what to say at first. So she takes a minute, drinks a little more of the chocolate milk while she thinks about it.

 

“I- I love your uncle Daryl. I love everything about him and his scars are a part of who he is. I don’t like how he got them. That makes me sad.” She can tell the conversation is just getting started as DJ sits up on his knees.

 

“What about yer scar?” He brushes his finger across his cheek. “Do people stare at it sometimes?” 

 

DJ’s been struggling with his scar and the fact that he can’t hide it, it’s always right there. And it’s the first thing everybody sees. Maybe it’s because she’s older or her scar is smaller but sometimes she forgets she has the scar on her cheek until she’ll sees it in her reflection in a window or a mirror and she’ll reach up and cover it with her hand and sometimes wish it wasn’t there. But it’s definitely nothing like what the little boy sitting in front of her has been through. Or maybe it is and that’s why he’s here now, asking her questions because she has a scar and she can relate.

 

“Yeah, they do. And sometimes that makes me feel bad.” She won’t even get into all the other reasons why people staring at her is hard to handle. She has a feeling Carol and Merle have shared very little about the scar Beth hides under her bracelets. “I like it when they ask though. Because then I can tell them what happened and it’s not so weird anymore.”

 

“I told my whole class what happened when school started cause my teacher and my mama said it might be good.” 

 

“Was it?”

 

“Uh huh. They weren’t afraid of me no more.” Afraid of him? That’s how he felt? She thinks back to when she lost her mama and how the other kids shied away from her like they were unsure of her. Afraid. And after the summer when she broke the mirror and somehow everybody knew...

 

“You’re very brave DJ.” 

 

“What about, like touchin’ ‘em, do you think it’s gross?” Well. Nothing about this conversation should be surprising. But he just keeps taking her places she never even knew he’d been himself.

 

Touching Daryl’s scars triggers so many different feelings. And it depends on why she’s touching them. In the beginning, she’d been afraid to touch them because even though she had no reservations doing so, it seemed to be incredibly hard for him to accept that kind of touch. It had been the same for her when he ran a finger along her wrist. There was an ache that wasn’t actually a physical pain, but a pain just the same. 

 

That pain was all wrapped up in shame. That’s what she believes. Their scars are stories, ugly stories they tried to hide. Until they couldn’t and then seeing those scars through someone else’s eyes…

 

There are things that are so beautiful that sometimes they hurt. 

 

They way they touch each other has changed and sometimes it’s still painful but now it’s important and for the most part it’s done unconsciously because they need it. Other times she’ll purposely put her hands on him and he knows what she’s doing and why and he somehow finds a way to get his thumb up under the leather and beads encircling her wrist. 

 

Purposefully touching the parts of themselves they still try to hide from the rest of the world. Because they need to be touched.

 

“No. It’s… ” It’s confusing. And impossible to explain to an 8-year-old boy how touching those places on his uncle is such an intimate experience. “Do you think it’s gross?” She keeps her voice neutral hoping he’ll open up but he’s completely at ease.

 

“No. Mama touches mine all the time. Sophia likes the way it feels, she’s weird though.. You touch it. And I seen uncle Daryl kiss yers!” He claps a hand over his mouth and blushes.

 

“Then.. why..”

 

‘My friend Bella, she wanted ta touch it. And this other kid said it was gross to touch it. And I got mad I wanted ta hit the other kid and I didn’t talk ta Bella and we left on Christmas break. And I don’t care if she touches it. I wish I woulda just let her.” It comes out in a rush, everything he’s been thinking about and he looks so worried.

 

“You do?”

 

“She’s my friend and only people that really like ya are gonna want ta touch yer scars right?” Beth’s heart skips a beat at the look in his blue eyes. He’s something else.

 

“Only the people that really like you should get to touch them if you want them too.” He’s been eyeing the other breadstick and Beth pushes it over to him. “I touch your uncle’s scars and he touches mine because we love each other and touching them makes them better somehow. I can’t really explain it.”

 

“Mama says I can talk to a doctor and have surgery, but I’m not gonna. I’m gonna be like you and uncle Daryl and if people don’t like my scars then they ain’t my friends.” He says through a mouthful of breadstick.

 

“I like that.” He’s nodding as he finishes eating and then wipes his hand on his jeans. 

 

“Could I touch yer scar, Beth? Cause we’re friends.” She still isn’t sure exactly what it is he needed from her. But if he wants to touch her scar, he can. She’s touched his.

 

“We are friends… sure you can touch it.”

 

He comes to the couch and sits beside her and his finger is like a feather as he runs it across her cheek. It’s cool where her face is hot.

 

“I think yer brave too Beth, cause you lost yer mama. And uncle Daryl and my daddy, they had a bad daddy. I’m trying ta be brave like that.”

 

Daryl is standing in the doorway. He slipped in quietly probably thinking she was sleeping. He’s watching and listening and she can’t read the expression on his face. DJ turns when he hears the click as the door closes. A small smile lifts the corners of his mouth when he sees his uncle.

 

“Ya taking care of my girl?” Daryl asks and DJ nods and points to the soup.

 

“I brought soup.” There’s a little bit of pride there and something else. “But she didn’t eat hardly nothing.” He glances over at her apologetically.

 

“Mmmhmm. That so?” Kicking off his boots Daryl pads over to the couch and sits down beside her. Laying a hand on her thigh he looks at her. “How ya feeling?” 

 

“I’m not really hungry. Just feel achy. But it’s been nice having DJ here.” She smiles over at the little boy. “He brought me chocolate milk and I drank that.”

 

There’s a knock on the door and Carol comes in.

 

“I came to see how things are going? Did you eat?” Carol smiles.

 

“She drank her chocolate milk,” Daryl smirks.

 

“I’ll eat some in a little bit,” Beth says stretching out a leg letting it rest against Daryl’s. Carol puts the lid on the soup and carries it to the kitchen.

 

“I’m guessing DJ helped with the breadsticks?” she calls over her shoulder. DJ shakes his head.

 

“Um…” Beth winks at DJ.

 

“I figured as much. Well come on DJ, lets let Beth rest. You two have a nice visit?” Carol rests a hand on DJ’s shoulder.

 

“Yes.. we did. Thank you for lunch DJ.” She hopes that the things they talked about gave him whatever he needed. 

 

“Yer welcome. Bye uncle Daryl, bye Beth.” The door closes behind them and Daryl stretches out on the couch beside her. He kisses her forehead, lets his lips linger there.

 

“Ya ain’t feeling good are ya?” Daryl asks looking into her eyes.

 

“No, not really but DJ brought soup over and he, he wanted to talk to me. He was asking about my scars, our scars and it seemed so important to him.”

 

“Asking questions?” Daryl brushes her hair from her face and runs his finger over her cheek. Nodding she leans into his touch.

 

“If I liked your scars if people stared at mine and if it’s gross to touch them…” 

 

“What the hell?” Daryl breathes. “He okay?”

 

“Yeah, he’s- I think he’s just figuring it all out and he’s so intuitive Daryl, he’s so much like you. And he’s so brave.” Beth can’t help the tears. It was a heavy talk and she doesn’t feel good and Daryl’s here now and this is her life. It’s so much better than she ever imagined it could be. Again.

 

“Hey.. com’on Beth, don’ cry... Ya got a fever. ‘M gonna get ya some aspirin and then ‘m gonna take a shower. I ain’t gotta go anywhere else.. Gonna stay right here with you..” He’s kissing her and rubbing her arms and it’s all very overwhelming.

 

“You are?” This only makes her cry harder. Which makes her throat hurt and her head ache.

 

“Yep.” Sitting up he gets the aspirin and a water bottle for her. “Take this.” She does and then she lays back on the couch and he pulls the blankets up around her. Leaning down he kisses her again.

 

“I’m okay… go shower. I’ll keep the couch warm.” She gives him a smile because she knows that’s what he needs. “I’m glad you’re home. I think I needed you…” He smiles, that crooked smile that melts her heart and then he’s gone but little noises from the bedroom and the bathroom soothe her and she drifts off knowing when she wakes up it will be in his arms.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

When he got out of the shower Beth was asleep but he did what he’d wanted to from the start. He stretched out on the couch behind her and pulled her against him tucking the blanket back around her. She immediately turned over and curled up against his chest, a hot little flame shivering like she was freezing. Concern tickled at the back of his mind but he figured the aspirin still needed to kick in and if she wasn’t better by tomorrow he’d take her to the doctor.

 

Maybe. It’s still early if nothing changes they can even go into the clinic today.

 

This is why he came home at lunch. He was no good to anyone at work anyway and he hadn’t wanted to leave her. So here he is. He’d rather be worried while he’s holding her in his arms then doing it one town over his phone in his hand questioning whether or not to call again.

 

Is this what it’s gonna be like if they ever have a kid? Is he gonna worry constantly? Can he even love anyone else as much as he loves Beth? Sometimes he wants to crack his ribcage open and tuck her inside where she’s safe and she won’t disappear because there are literally moments when none of this feels real. It’s too good. He’s too happy.

 

She’s it for him, everything. He’d be content just to sit by her side for the rest of his life. But that’s what he’s gonna do, isn’t it? He asked her to marry him and she said yes and lately, she’s been making comments that have him thinking that maybe they should set a date. 

 

That’s a thing, isn’t it? 

 

He can go fishing with Rick and Carl or have a beer with Abe. He hangs out in the garage with Merle and the woods with the boys. They both have jobs and things they do apart. But man oh man, if he could, if he had to choose just one person. She’s that person. 

 

She sighs against his chest and mumbles something incoherent in her sleep. Brushing her hair back from her forehead he kisses her again and she’s still warm, too warm. Maybe a cool washcloth… Easing his body up and away from her he heads to the kitchen where he wets a stack of folded up paper towels.

 

When he looks up she’s sitting up on the couch and then she’s hurrying towards the bathroom. Maybe she’s feeling sick at her stomach?

 

“Beth?” Tossing the wet towels on the coffee table he follows her into the bathroom and finds her standing in front of the mirror. Her eyes look funny like she’s not all there like she’s still asleep. Her fingers are on her face, skimming her scar and then her arm shoots out towards the mirror and Daryl’s heart is in his throat as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her out of the bathroom away from the mirror because she was... she was… everything she said about that day in the bathroom, about the broken mirror and the blood, it all comes back to him.

 

“Daryl? What- what’s wrong?” They’re standing there in the middle of the living room and she’s awake now, wide awake and his knees are like jello and his heart is pounding and he doesn’t know what to say.

 

“I, ya ran in the bathroom. I thought ya might be sick and- ya looked like ya weren’t really awake, touching yer scar and then I thought- ya raised yer hand and the mirror... Fuck I don’t know…” Her cheeks are flushed- fever-flushed as she pulls back to look at him.

 

“I was having this dream. It was so crazy and-” Maybe she realized he wasn’t hearing what she was saying because she stops talking for a second and then she lays a hand on his cheek. It’s warm like the rest of her. “Daryl did you think..” Yes, he thought. He thought exactly what she’s thinking he thought. She isn’t confused about that at all. But why. Her guess is as good as his.

 

“Yer happy, I know ya are... But do ya ever think about... Do ya..” He can’t even say it. It’s incredibly stupid but he’s been thinking a lot of stupid things lately.

 

“No. I didn’t want it then, I told you that Daryl... And I certainly don’t want- not now, not ever. Where is this- com’ere.” Now she’s the one taking his hand leading him down to the couch and aren’t they both a mess. He’s feeling kind of off himself. And maybe the ache in his chest is more than how much he loves her. And maybe she's not the only one burning up.

 

“I jus’, I’m ‘fraid of losing ya..”

 

“You're not gonna Daryl... Are you feeling okay baby? You don’t look so-” Then it’s his turn to run to the bathroom and he can’t even tell her not to follow, to stay back, go away, don’t watch. She’s kneeling right there beside him as he leans over the toilet her hand rubbing circles on his back and she hands him a washcloth when he stands up on shaky legs. He looks like a ghost in the mirror over her shoulder. 

 

So maybe he wasn’t going crazy after all.

 

“Think I might be gettin’ sick.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They spent a couple of days in bed and Daryl is still there when Beth decides she’s going to get up and try and be productive. She’d rather stay in bed with him but she needs a shower and maybe she can convince him to move to the couch so she can wash the bedding.

 

He reaches for her when he feels her moving around and she presses a kiss to his cheek and his shoulder letting her lips linger on the raised skin. He stills a little when she does this, letting himself feel it. It’s still not always easy, this kind of touch.

 

“I’m gonna get up and do a few things. Maybe you can move to the couch in a little bit? Then I can wash the sheets.” He nods and turns on his side pulling her back down.

 

“I gotta get up too,” he murmurs. Of course, if she’s up he isn’t going stay down.

 

“Daryl you don’t have too- you..” He runs a thumb over her lips.

 

“ ‘M fine. I feel a lot better, jus’ wanted to stay with you.” She loves his raspy morning voice. And now that she’s paying attention he isn’t warm like he’s got a fever and all the color has come back into his face.

 

“Fine. But if you even seem-” This time it’s his lips instead of his thumb that quiet her.

 

“Same goes for you,” he whispers.

 

They manage to shower and have toast and coffee. Beth takes care of the laundry while Daryl gets their little tree in its stand. They brought a few boxes of decorations over from the farm and Sophia has been on a crafting kick so she’s added about ten homemade ornaments to their collection. Beth’s plan is to put on ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ and decorate it later. Daryl had rolled his eyes when she told him but she knows he’ll be right there with her. He’ll even drink cocoa. Of course, it will be Merle’s special cocoa.

 

Speaking of Merle, he let the boys take the bikes out and play in the mud and they’ve been listening to the growl of the engines and the hoops and hollers for the past half hour. Beth finally tells Daryl to just go and see what they’re doing because she’s seen him glance out the window a couple of times. He kisses her cheek and promises to ‘be right back’. She won’t hold him to that. And she doesn’t even want too. Whatever makes him happy usually makes her happy too.

 

Beth is bringing the clean bedding back into the apartment when her phone rings. 

 

“Hey, Maggie!” 

 

_ ‘Beth we’re getting ready to leave overnight to do something for Glenn’s mom’s sister but I need… I have to tell you something and I didn’t want to do it like this but I can’t wait and..’ _

 

Her sister sounds nervous and maybe a little upset and Beth is immediately worried for a ton of different reasons.

 

“What is it? Are you okay? Are you-”

 

_ ‘I’m pregnant.’ _

 

Oh.

 

“Well that’s not a bad thing Mags.. it’s, it’s a baby.” A baby. 

 

_ ‘It’s not in the plan, at least not yet and a wedding.. because Glenn’s mom is going to flip out and Daddy well he’s gonna expect..’ _

 

A wedding. Another one because Michonne said yes to Rick and Maggie’s having a baby and... 

 

_ Marry me. _

 

It’s not a race and there is no rush. And the fairytale has nothing to do with a wedding or even being married- Maggie is saying something. Beth pulls herself out of her thoughts and focuses on her sister again.

 

_ ‘I just don’t want you to feel like I’m stealing your spotlight…’ _

 

“It’s fine Maggie. Honestly. I’m going to be an aunt again!” She doesn’t need the spotlight. She has what she wants, she has him. 

 

The conversation doesn’t amount to much more. Maggie sounds incredibly stressed and Beth feels bad because she shouldn’t be. She’s having a baby and she knows her sister loves Glenn, wanted to marry him anyway. Life doesn’t always go as planned. And her sister should know that by now.

 

She and Daryl haven’t talked about anything specifically because there hasn’t been any need to. There still isn’t. But his comment at the Christmas tree lot and all the pages she has bookmarked on her laptop… wedding dresses, DIY flower arrangements, rings for guys who don’t wear jewelry…

 

And now her conflicted feelings. 

 

They promised they’d talk about things. So she’ll talk to him.

 

Just then the door opens and Daryl walks in. At least she thinks it’s Daryl. From the looks of the guy standing just inside the door covered in mud, just going out to watch the boys turned into riding around and falling down.

 

“You couldn’t resist?” she says resting her chin on her hand.

 

“I fell over.. A couple times.” His eyes are sparkling and there’s a smudge of mud on his flushed cheek. He looks really good. Shrugging off his flannel jacket he smirks at her. This is the man she’s going to grow old with.  

 

“I see that. You were just supposed to watch…” she teases.

 

“Ain’t ya got no sympathy? Maybe a kiss?” He starts towards her holding out his arms.

 

“Daryl... No!” Screeching she jumps up and runs just as he sprints towards her. He’s faster and he’s got her cornered in seconds. She tries to dodge him- unsuccessfully and he catches her and pulls her against him and kisses her face rubbing his muddy cheek against hers.

 

“Ya love me?” he whispers.

 

“I love you,” she agrees breathlessly.

 

“Even dirty?” he growls into her neck. He smells like dirt and gasoline and his face is cold against her skin.

 

“Especially dirty…” Her hands find the hem of his shirt and she pulls it up forcing him to let her go.

 

“Wanna take a shower? Yer dirty now too.”

 

“A bubble bath! Daryl let’s take a bubble bath!” 

 

“We ain’t gonna fit in that in that tub…” But she’s already got ahold of his hand.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The tub isn’t very big but the bubbles and steam and the fact that she’s sitting between his legs make up for their cramped quarters.

 

“Hey ya wanna set a date?” he asks. He’s been thinking about her reaction to his comment when they were getting their tree. And he might have glanced over her shoulder when she was on her laptop and noticed her looking at dresses and flowers. He’s not feeling any particular way about it but he feels like he needs to just touch base with her, see how she’s feeling.

 

Her hands still in the water where she was swirling bubbles around in circles. 

 

“I- wow…” she leans back and looks over at him. “You a secret mind reader or something?” 

 

“Pft! Wha’ the hell you gettin’ at girl?” She turns around so that she’s on her knees between his and he’s admiring the way the bubbles frame her breasts. Reaching out he cups one in his hand. It’s slippery and warm from the water. But the nipple is hard under the ministrations of his finger.

 

“I was gonna ask you the same thing?” She’s bouncing a little on her knees and the effect is nice, really nice.

 

“Ya were?” he focuses on her face but takes her wrist and pulls her hand down and lets her feel what she’s doing to him. Without missing a beat she takes a hold of him, strokes him slowly and keeps talking.

 

“The other night when we were getting the tree you said-” If he’s a secret minder reader then she must be one too. Shaking his head he pushes her hand away from his cock. He’s not gonna be able to concentrate otherwise.

 

“Uh huh… but we ain’t married yet-” he grins and revels in her laughter as she leans into him pressing her forehead against his.

 

“We haven’t really talked about it Daryl, I just wanted to see what you’re thinking.” She’s brushing her wet hands through his hair as she watches his face.

 

“I think I’m happy but we can do whatever ya want. I mean if ya was wantin’ ta do somethin’.”

 

“I want- we could just run off and do it and I’d be fine with that- I’d be…” She’s got her eye on him now head tilted to the side a little. “What? Come on… this isn’t all about me. It’s for you too.” It’s for him too. That feels weird but in a good way so what he’s wanting to say probably won’t be too far off.

 

“I want my brother there, I wanna have him- I want my family there ta see me cause this- What? Would ya stop cryin’!” Resting her head on his shoulder he feels her nodding, hears the sniffles, then she sits back up.

 

“I want your family there too…I just never thought- but they should.” All the teasing is gone, she’s still smiling. It’s just different. It’s softer. “Mine too.”

 

“It matters, ‘s all. I think.” He feels a little self-conscious but she brings her legs up, hooks them over his hips and locks them at the base of his spine, her arms around his neck. And there’s nothing but her..  pressing herself against him her body slick from the bubbles.

 

“I think you’re right,” she whispers before she kisses him. His hands move down her body to encircle her waist gently pulling her closer until her nipples brush his chest and she shivers at the touch. “But a date- we.. need…” Her head falls back as he suckles her nipple.

 

“September,” he breathes letting her nipple slip from his mouth. She shifts, rolling her hips against his cock that’s pressed against his belly. Slipping a hand down between her legs he works her slowly teasing like she’s teasing him.

 

“September. Okay. Oh…” her soft moan is edged with something else as she tries to ride his fingers that he’s slipped inside of her. “Where?” There’s something erotic about having this conversation while their fingers and lips touch and tease. 

 

“Our house... “ He moves his hand to her hip, lifts her a little, enough to push his cock between them.

 

“The apartment, it’s… god, Daryl!” And then he’s inside of her, all the way and he holds her there. Still.

 

“Gonna build you a house… our house, with an attic an a piano... Gonna marry you there.” He groans as her body flutters around him. Not even a touch, just his words, what he said, what he wants to do. For her. For them. 

 

Now it’s really real.

 

“I… Daryl….” He hasn’t let her move yet. Leaning into her he kisses his way down the line of her jaw and back up to the soft little ridge of tissue on her cheek.

 

“First I’m gonna make ya come,” he growls letting his hand slide from her hip he thrusts up into her, forcing the breath from her body. But she’s got this, wrapped tight around him she rocks her hips back and forth meeting his thrusts, quickening the pace as her body starts to respond. Her breath is coming faster in little pants that coil hot and thick in his groin pulling his balls tight against him. He might very well come before she does.

 

Shoving a hand back down between them he finds her clit as she rides him and he circles it fast giving her just that little extra. Bracing one hand on the edge of the tub he lets his head fall back against the wall as her body does for him what his fingers did for her. 

 

She sinks against him, soft in his arms, whimpering his name. He slowly becomes aware of the fact that the bubbles are gone and the water is cold. Beth is shivering, her teeth chattering. His cock is still inside her, softening and the cold water makes him hiss as he pulls out and motions for her to stand. He turns on the shower and steam billows up around them.

 

“We still decoratin’ that tree?”

  
  


****  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Tree? What tree? They have a date- sort of. It doesn’t really matter though because love doesn’t need a piece of paper or a contract or a license to make it true.. I hope you all enjoy it! Let me know!**


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here we are… a little Christmas, some rain and other stuff an thangs! Enjoy!**

When Beth was a little girl, Christmas was magic. The tree, the lights, Christmas carols around the piano, Santa…

  
A plate with only a few tell-tale crumbs and an empty glass, sooty ‘footprints’ around the fireplace, half a gnawed carrot on the porch steps, the evidence that Santa had indeed come to the Greene farm was almost more exciting than the gifts he would leave for her, Maggie and Shawn. After her mama died the only evidence that Santa even remembered her was his name on a gift tag that looked a lot like her sister’s handwriting.   
  
There were definitely more important things to be upset over, but for an 8-year-old little girl whose world had been turned upside down the loss of Santa mattered. It mattered a whole bunch. She came up with a ton of reasons why Santa no longer came- stories she told herself to make it okay in her head. But it never really was.   
  
She kept hoping. She just buried that hope deep beneath the world she had to learn to live in. And she may have forgotten about it for quite a few years but it was there, just waiting for the right moment to remind her that she never really gave it up.   
  
It’s been showing it’s self in bits and pieces all along. She can see it now and feel it and sometimes it hurts but she figures that’s just part of it all.    
  
It’s there on the mantel, in her mama’s picture next to a small musical figurine of angels that plays ‘Silent Night’. It’s in the boxes of her mama’s clothes that her daddy took to church to donate. It’s all over the farm as ‘Papa Hershel’ makes sure his granddaughter's eyes are wide with wonder like his own children’s were all those years ago.    
  
And it was in the kitchen with them tonight as Beth and Maggie made cookies with the little girls. Glenn and Daryl headed out to the barn but Hershel stayed inside and didn’t need much coercing to sit at the table and help with the frosting and sprinkling that Abbi put herself in charge of.   
  
It had been a good night. Even if Maggie took Beth’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze when Amy pulled out aprons and the little girls clamored over to their mama squealing ‘me, me, put it on me, mama!’, because it was like an echo from a time and a place they never thought they’d visit again. Or if Beth stepped out into the hall for just a second to catch her breath remembering strong arms and feeling like she was all the way up in the night sky, a gold star clutched in her hands as her daddy held Abbi ‘up as high as the tree Papa’ to add the final touch.   
  
They’re healing and that’s hope in action. Even if it hurts.   
  
Beth finds Daryl out by the barn with Glenn. They’re bent over the tailgate of Daryl’s truck and Daryl has a flashlight that he’s shining on something but when she gets close enough for them to hear her Daryl rolls up whatever it is and disappears around the side of the truck.    
  
“Cookie decorating all done?” Glenn asks smiling at her.   
  
“Yep. Maggie’s waiting for you.” Glenn’s smile fades and he looks nervous all of a sudden.   
  
“Oh? Well, I guess I better-” Daryl chuckles as he moves in behind Beth resting his hands on her shoulders and she thinks to herself how he doesn’t even know she needed that. His touch.   
  
“It’s gonna be fine. My daddy likes you, Glenn. Plus you’re giving him another grandchild. That right there is your guarantee.” Glenn seems to have lost his voice and all he can manage is a wave as he heads off towards the house.   
  
“Ya smell like cookies,” Daryl whisperers in her hair.    
  
“I brought you one.” She hands him a cookie wrapped up in a napkin. Which he promptly unwraps and bites into.   
  
“Ya all done in there?” he asks as he brushes crumbs from his beard.   
  
“Yeah. I wanna sit by our tree. Let’s go home, Daryl.”   
  
**xxxxXxxxx**   
  
_ ‘Let’s go home, Daryl.’ _   
  
Every time Beth says ‘home’ it wraps around his heart and squeezes- he has a home and it’s Merle and Carol, it’s the kids, but ultimately it’s become her. It’s become them.   
  
It’s not a place. It’s them.    
  
But he’d like to make them a place. He’s gonna build something for her that means home to him. A place where they can make the memories she’s missing, memories he never had the chance to make. There might be kids running around one day calling him dad and baking cookies with her. It’ll have an attic, a fireplace, and a piano.   
  
It’ll be good. It’ll be theirs.   
  
Rolled up behind the seat in his truck is the beginning.    
  
He finishes the cookie while he watches her as she fidgets with her coat. Somethings bothering her, he can see it. She’s hurting.    
  
“Ya alright?” he asks.   
  
“Yeah.” She smiles but it falters and turns into a sigh that calls to him but he knows once he touches her she might cry and he wants to know what has her so down.    
  
“Sure?” he pushes.   
  
“It’s- things are changing and my daddy is happier. And my mama isn’t a ghost. She was real, she was here and I just- it’s selfish of me, thinking of all I missed. The girls found mama’s aprons and daddy held Abbi up to put the star on the tree..” She stops then and the breath she exhales is shaky like it gets when she’s gonna cry. He knows that, knows her. And he doesn’t really know what to say. But that’s okay.   
  
“Beth- com’ere,” he takes her hand and pulls her close and kisses the crown of her head. She deserved better, hell he deserved a fuck of a lot better. Can’t rewrite history though. All they have is what’s in front of them right now and what might be ahead. That’s better than anything he’s ever had. “Can’t help the way ya feel girl.”   
  
“I know. It’s crazy. It was like a door opened and I saw the past. But the thing is I wouldn’t change any of it if it meant I’d miss out on this, on you.”    
  
This.    
  
“Les’ go home.”   
  
It takes two minutes to drive home and another five to change into something comfortable. There’s warm cocoa, the tree with its lights and their couch which she turned to face the tree because they hardly ever watch TV anyway.    
  
“Want me to sing for you?” she asks like she doesn’t know how he’s gonna answer…   
  
“Course I do.”    
  
And there’s this too. Her guitar and her voice.   
  
**xxxxXxxxx**   
  
The night after the farm Beth dreamt about her mama. They were standing in the middle of sheets drying in the afternoon breeze. The sun had been so bright she couldn’t make out her mama’s face. Her voice was all around her though.   
  
_ ‘This is what you hoped for baby girl, you still have each other and I’m not gone. I’m right here..’  _ _   
_   
Her mama had laid her hand on her chest and the touch had been so real that Beth had woke with a start. She sat up tangled in the sheets and comforter confused by the darkness for a minute before she realized she’d been dreaming. Daryl’s touch was real and she curled into him willing herself not to forget the sound of her mama’s voice.   
  
Christmas came and for the first time in years she got up before the sun excited in a way she hadn’t been in years. She made coffee and bagels and Daryl came out of the bedroom not long after with bedhead and something rolled up in his hands. He refused to let her see it. Yet.   
  
“After.” He’d said. After meaning once they opened the little pile of gifts under the tree. They'd both felt like gifts couldn’t compare to what they already had so they decided to spend money on things for the kids and keep their gifts to each other simple.    
  
She wrapped up a ledger for him to keep track of the custom jobs he does. Because even though Carol had a computer program and had been handling the business for the garage and would continue to do so for the construction business he kept a notebook of his own and jotting down things that were important to him.    
  
“It’s a ledger for-” He’s got it in his hands and he’s quiet.   
  
“I know what it is… it’s, nice. I like it,” he says. But it’s what he doesn’t say that lets her know he more than ‘likes’ it. She got him t-shirts and flannels in colors he’d never buy himself but ones she likes on him and he’ll wear them because of that alone.    
  
He got her guitar strings and a pink hoodie that has a wings decal on the back and when she squeals he blushes said it was at the truck stop he and Merle get gas at and every time he saw it, it made him think of her so he finally bought.    
  
“It’s kinda corny,” he says shrugging and she kisses him so he knows it’s not corny to her at all.   
  
He also found ‘his’ and ‘hers’ coffee mugs.   
  
“Thas’ so ya stop taking my favorite mug.” he explains and she laughs as if he’s ever gonna stop her from horning in on anything that’s his. Like his lap which she crawls into when he motions for her too.   
  
He unrolls the paper he has on the floor in front of them and she can see even without reading his notes that it’s plans for a house. Merle’s house is off to the side, a little rectangle labeled Merle. A rough sketch of walls and doors and windows and he said he was gonna build her house and marry her there.   
  
“Daryl… this is…” She traces over it with her finger and feels his chin on her shoulder. “Four bedrooms?”   
  
“Gotta have room for stuff,” he murmurs.   
  
“Stuff?” Daryl isn’t one to have stuff, she knows that and he knows she knows. “Thinking ahead. I like that Mr. Dixon.  What’s this space? A loft?” Pointing to what could be a second floor, but it’s a bit smaller than a whole floor.   
  
“Attic.” He shrugs and she can feel it. “For the stuff, we can’t fit in them bedrooms.” She remembers how he looked around the attic at the farm. All the memories tucked away for safe keeping. Or hidden until they could be taken back out and looked at properly.   
  
“And this…” He’s labeled a little space in the corner of what looks like the main room. 'Beth’s piano'. “Oh.” She’s been doing her best not to get all emotional but he’s making it impossible and what he says next does it for her.   
  
“Already talked ta yer daddy, he says we can take your mama’s piano when we're ready…” Her tears shouldn't confuse him but they must because he wraps his arms around her. “Or we can just get ya one-”   
  
“No, no I want- it has to be my mama’s. You decided. You- I love you, Daryl… I love this... I-” Scrubbing at her face she has an idea and she jumps up. “Come on get dressed, show me where.. Show me-”   
  
“Hey slow up girl! I ain’t got a place picked yet.” He’s getting up though, following her to their room.   
  
“Then let’s pick together, let’s go look right now!” He’s grumbling about how she lost her mind, it’s freezing out there but he dresses alongside her tossing her his thick socks because she likes wearing them with her boots. Before they head out she throws her arms around him and kisses him slow.   
  
“We were gonna keep our gifts simple. We agreed. And you…”   
  
“Never had a house before, not my own,” he murmurs against her lips. She wanted to give him his ‘nevers’... this one he’s giving to her too.   
  
**xxxxXxxxx**   
  
She’s running around talking about views and afternoon sunlight and where a porch should be. She’s wearing the hoodie and the wings and her ponytail flash in the sunlight.   
  
“Are we having a porch? Because this would be a good spot-” And then she’s off again long legs taking her somewhere else she’s spotted. He stands there with his hands in his pockets thinking how she’s living up to his expectations, not that she has to because he’s learned not to expect much from life. But when he imagined giving her the plans he thought she’d be excited and have a bunch of ideas she’d want to share and well, she does and she is and that makes him incredibly happy.   
  
“Uncle Daryl whata y’all doing out here? Supposed ta come ta our house for breakfast.” His nephews are making their way towards him bundled up in new jackets and beanies.    
  
“Are ya gonna build yer cabin?” He forgot DJ had seen the plans one day when they were cleaning up after making bolts. He’d asked the little boy to keep it a secret because he wanted to surprise Beth.   
  
“Yep, pretty soon.”   
  
“Yer building a house? Here? Yer gonna live here by us forever?” Beau’s grinning like it’s the best thing he’s heard all morning.   
  
“ ‘S long as y’all don’t get on my nerves.” Daryl sniffs keeping his face neutral.   
  
“I promise I won’t uncle Daryl! Can I help ya build it?” Beau asks.   
  
“Might needs some extra hands.” Beau runs off towards Beth and Daryl looks over at DJ.   
  
“See I kept it a secret.”   
  
“I knew ya would, ‘s why I trusted ya with it little D.” DJ’s smile is full of pride and it fills Daryl up too. Sticking his fingers in his mouth he whistles and waves Beth and Beau in.

  
“Com’on! Les eat!”   
  
The boys run ahead and Beth, her cheeks flushed from running around grabs his hand.   
  
“Do you think we could have a barn Daryl, just a small one?” She’s breathless and all her ideas are starting to take shape in his head. A barn.   
  
“With a loft?” he asks her smiling and pulling her closer.   
  
“Yeah, with a loft.” She raises his hand and puts it around her shoulders and slips her arms around him. “And every fourth of July we can sleep in it.”    
  
“Sleep?” he asks huskily and she giggles letting her cold hand slide up the back of his shirt effectively stopping him in his tracks. But before he can say anything she’s pushed her self on her toes and she’s kissing him with lips that are as cold as her hands.   
  
“I love you, Daryl.” She leans back and he cups her face in his hands and looks at her. His girl, his home, his forever.   
  
“I love you too Beth.”   
  
**xxxxXxxxx** **  
**   
“You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep up like this Daryl!” He’s leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms folded across his chest. His body language is telling her to back off but she can’t. She’s frustrated and worried and completely aware of the fact that she’s going about this all wrong.   
  
It’s the second week of February and it’s been cold and wet and muddy. They're having record rains this year with temperature’s lower than average. They picked a spot to build and Daryl has been spending afternoons and evenings and some of the weekends clearing the area and getting it ready to start laying the foundation.    
  
The weather hasn’t been kind to him though and he’s running himself ragged between their house and the art gallery in Peachtree.   
  
“Can’t get sick from cold weather.” He says it through gritted teeth. She doesn’t understand where the anger is coming from. She can understand the frustration over the weather but inclement weather was included in their estimation, she remembers Abe mentioning it.   
  
Daryl’s goal is September. They haven’t picked an actual day yet, but they’re getting married in Septemeber and he is going to marry her in their backyard come hell or high water. And she loves his determination, he’s working his ass off for her. For this.   
  
“Ok. But being run down and working in the weather we’ve been having-”   
  
“I’m fine Beth.”   
  
“I’m worried, you look tired and you coughed all night.” She takes a step in his direction.   
  
“Sorry if I woke ya... Ya ain’t even here most the time.” Oh. She’s at the University now and two days a week she’s in Atlanta. All day. And there’s a study group she joined so sometimes it’s close to ten at least once a week. And there’s her library job the other three days and a music lab on Saturday mornings. She’s figured it out and she can take almost double the units she needs and graduate sooner.    
  
“I- I'm just trying to finish school, Daryl.”    
  
“An I’m tryin’ ta build us a house.” Pushing away from the counter he heads towards the door.    
  
“Where are you going?” He slows but doesn’t look back at her.   
  
“Gotta cover the tractor. Supposed to rain again.” She could comment on this and the fact that he needs to let the rain ease up so he at least makes some progress. But there’s no good reason to point that out. He’s more than aware of it.    
  
“I’ve got that lasagna thawed out in the fridge. I’ll put it in the oven.” They made it together at the beginning of the year. They took a whole weekend and put together a couple of lasagnas and some spaghetti sauce that Beth froze to use later. He spent the majority of the time sitting on the counter watching her, making her laugh and testing everything, even the grated cheese.   
  
But they’d been together.   
  
He pauses at the door, shoulders tense.    
  
“Sounds good. I won’t be long.” He closes the door and she hears the thunder. He didn’t take a jacket, he’s just got on his flannel shirt but the mood he’s in, chasing after him with a heavy coat will probably just piss him off.   
  
Her schedule is pretty full and she is gone. More than she likes to be. But she thought she was doing good, making a sacrifice for what they want. Sighing she puts the lasagna in the oven and goes back to her laptop on the table. But it’s no use trying to get any school work done because she can’t concentrate anyway. She can hear the rain that’s started and Daryl’s not back yet.    
  
He can just be pissed at her, she thinks as she heads into their room for her boots and coat. She grabs one of his big coats too and heads out into the rain.   
  
**xxxxXxxxx**   
  
The tractor is stuck. He’s tried a couple of times now to just gun it and hope it catches on something and gets unstuck but that’s wishful thinking. He also came out without a coat and it’s raining now and he’s soaked.   
  
He wanted to pout. If he’d stayed and listened to Beth he might have started talking and it might have been okay or it might have been a pointless argument. He didn’t want to argue. He wants to pout and feel sorry for himself because her new schedule is taking up a lot of her time and he misses her and he can’t tell her that. Making her feel guilty about school is the last thing he wants to do.   
  
But there’s no rush to finish school. He can take care of her. And he’s gotta build this house. He refuses to listen to the little voice in his head saying, _ hey dumbass there ain’t no rush with the house either! _ He tries the tractor again but still no luck. The rain has eased up though and he hears her boots before he sees her. She’s bundled up in her coat and it looks like she’s carrying his. Hoping off the tractor he tries to block the tire that’s stuck in the mud from her view.   
  
“What the hell ya doing out here?” She never shies away from him when he gets too loud. She’s little but she’s not afraid of him at all. He doesn’t want her to be, would be horrified if she was.    
  
“It’s raining, I brought your coat.” She holds it out and tries looking around him. “Is it stuck?” He takes the coat and puts it on and it’s so much better.    
  
“Nah I got it,” he says looking back over his shoulder.   
  
“You’ve got it? You haven’t moved it, it’s still in the same place-”   
  
“I’ll figure it out. Jus’ a little muddy is all, go on back up, ‘s gonna start raining again-”   
  
“I’m not gonna melt! This is my house too and I can help! Just tell me what you need me to do. And if I can’t do it I can go get Merle. You don’t have to do this by yourself, Daryl!” She’s standing there in the rain, hands on her hips glaring at him.   
  
She’s so fucking beautiful. And she’s right.   
  
He shouldn’t have been a dick up in the apartment and he needs to tell her what’s bugging him. She’s not gonna let up. He should know that by now.    
  
“Dammit Beth!”    
  
“Daryl, I-” He takes her face in his hands and kisses her until he can’t breathe. He doesn't let her go though, running his lips along her jaw he finds her ear, soft and warm and he knows he can say it, he can tell her anything and they’ll figure it out.   
  
“Fuck Beth, I miss ya... Don’ wanna stay in the apartment when yer gone and I want our place done so I jus’, I jus’ come out here and keep doing the same shit over and over cause this fuckin’ rain…” She’s got her hands inside his jacket he feels them on his chest fisted in the wet flannel pulling him closer.   
  
“I miss you too. These classes, I think I overdid it. I think- I want to be here with you cause I can help you know, I can learn.” He chuckles as he lifts his head.    
  
“I know ya can. I know.. Wanna get Merle. ‘S gonna take all three of us ta get this thing moved.” She nods but before she goes she kisses him again warm and soft and it takes all the self-control he has not to pick her up and take her home where it’s warm and they can strip off their wet clothes, maybe take a shower. She lets go of him and then she’s gone splashing through puddles to get to Merle’s back door.   
  
By April they’ve perfected the art of disagreeing and Daryl takes pride in the fact that he’s saying what’s on his mind, which isn’t always the best thing to do but he’s trying and he’s seeing the changes in their relationship. Besides loving her and wanting her when and where ever he can have her, he respects her. She’s his best friend, she puts him first and she’s always his biggest cheerleader even when he’s testing her.   
  
“You’re really gonna take off for the whole weekend?” This is a first and he hadn’t thought about it thoroughly when he agreed to go. He still very much wants to go and he knows the timing isn’t ideal. And he doesn’t like upsetting her. But.   
  
“I promised Rick and Carl over a month ago. Abe’s gonna be here ta handle the permits for the foundation-” Just looking at her he can tell none of what he’s saying is making any difference.   
  
“I don’t care about the stupid permits!” He sees her tears before she runs into the bedroom. He follows her and finds her curled up on the bed. He has no self-control when it comes to her and tears. Especially tears he inadvertently caused. So he stretches out beside her and reaches for her hand.   
  
“Hey.. whas’ really goin’ on?” He could cancel the whole trip. But he doesn’t want too. Because Rick is probably the person he loves the most after his family, her being his number one. But he doesn’t want to hurt her either.   
  
“I don’t think the permits are stupid…” she says softly, “I just- we’ve never spent the whole weekend apart.”   
  
They haven’t.    
  
“Rick’s bring that new fifth wheel he got. Said I could bring ya. He’s been tryin’ ta get Michonne to go too but she’s got work-” She turns over and rests her head on his chest.   
  
“I have my last lab. And, Daryl I'm not telling you not to go. I’m just gonna miss you.”   
  
“Guess we ain't been together long enough to enjoy our time apart huh..” He runs his fingers through her hair. It’s down and still damp from her shower. “Cause I’m gonna miss you too.”   
  
“I don’t ever want to be happy you’re leaving. I always wanna to miss you, Daryl. Promise me you’ll always miss me,” she whispers as she moves up over his body, molding herself to him.   
  
Promise,” he whispers huskily as he flips her over so he’s top of her. He maneuvers himself between her legs and grinds against her lazily. Just enough to let her know what she’s doing to him but she takes it as an invitation and squirms around underneath him tugging off her jeans and laughing when he tries to hold her down.   
  
“Stop, let me up... “    
  
“Why should I?” She’s glaring at him, her blue eyes are dark   
  
“Cause I want you, Daryl... I want you… please…” He’s got her right where he didn't even know he wanted her.    
  
“Whata ya want Beth?” Teasing her might be more of a turn on for him. Getting her all worked up like he can. He’s still holding her down and he nuzzles his way into the crook of her neck and sucks hard on the sensitive skin there.   
  
“That! I want that everywhere… do that to me everywhere…” Her hands are in his hair tugging him down further but he’s gonna make her say it. Or say something doesn't matter what he’s hard now and anything dirty coming out of her mouth is gonna be good.   
  
“I’m gonna let ya up okay? Take yer clothes off and tell me- tell me what ya want from me,” he whispers as he sits back on his knees and pulls his shirt off. She’s undressed before him and leans back against the headboard and watches him as he gets his jeans off. There’s no mistaking the little whimper she elicits at the sight of his hard cock and maybe her words and the sounds she makes turn her on just as much as they do him.   
  
Tossing his jeans onto the floor he looks at her leaning back against the headboard, legs spread just enough that he can see the soft curls there are damp. Cause she wants him. But she hasn’t said anything yet.   
  
“Change yer mind?” he asks taking his cock in his hand and stroking it gently. If he puts too much into it he’s gonna be done right here all over his hand. But it has the effect he was hoping for. She’s sliding down on the bed, legs spread even further, hands holding her breasts.   
  
“I want you to lick my pussy Daryl,” It kills him when she uses her voice in a certain way, all innocent like she has no idea what she’s saying. She’s teasing him right back and they’re so good at this. Making each other feel good.   
  
“Thought ya wanted me ta suck-”   
  
“Suck, lick, all of it… just make me come and then I‘m gonna fuck you.”   
  
“Jesus Beth…” he groans and her laughter fills him up strokes his heart like he’s stroking his cock. Letting go of himself he move back making room for her and when he lays down she rests a leg on each of his shoulders.s   
  
“I love you, Daryl… I love when you make me come like this.. you make me feel so good, so- oh!” He’s not teasing anymore. She wants to come, he’s gonna make her. Flicking his tongue over her swollen clit, just like he did to the skin on her neck he sucks hard and she arches underneath him, pushing herself closer, as close as she can get as her whole body tenses underneath him. He doesn’t give her a chance to ride out her orgasm. Pulling his mouth away he slides up her body positioning his cock as he goes and slams into her with a grunt. Taking a deep breath he thrusts again speeding up the pace until he can’t tell if it’s her or him that’s whining and then they’re both falling and he can feel the pulsing as she comes again. Comes with him her small arms wrapped around him.   
  
He likes to think he's in charge, but it’s her, it’s always her in the end and she shows no mercy until it’s over and they’re drifting and she runs her fingers along the planes of his face making him sleepy. Her lips are at the hollow of his throat and her warm breath and the motion of her fingers lull him. Wrapping his arms around her he pulls her close.   
  
“Love you, Beth, always gonna miss ya, always gonna wanna come home. Promise.”    
  
  
Before he leaves on Friday he waits for her to come home like he said he would. And she’s smiling cause he’s there. Waiting.   
  
He hands her a paper with a name and number on it.    
  
“This is the guy whose comin’ about the permit. Abe’ll handle it but I’d like it if you was out here too. Just listening and making sure it all goes good. Would ya do that?” He’s not just giving her busy work. He wants her opinion on it. All of it. It’s their home he’s building and she deserves to be involved.   
  
“Of course I will. I don’t know all that much about this permit but I’ll be there. Go and have fun. I’m gonna miss you but I saw Rick yesterday and he’s so excited. I like that he’s your best friend, well second best friend.” Her arms around him and the way she smells like books and flowers and just Beth makes him ache and he hasn’t even left yet.   
  
“Yer my first, last, and always girl, ya gotta know that.” He kisses her once and then two more times before he gets in his truck and heads out shaking his head at her standing in the driveway waving at him.   
  
The best part of leaving is knowing she’ll be there when he comes back.   
  
**xxxxXxxxx**   
  
Turns out him being gone can be good in a couple of ways. She takes a picture of herself, a picture only Daryl can see, a picture she took and deleted at least fifteen times trying to get the right angle before she finally decided he would probably like it regardless. He won’t see it like she does.    
  
All he’ll see is what he loves, her hands touching herself, for him. She sent it and waited for his response which wasn’t a text but a phone call and his voice on the other end was deep and husky and she knew then he liked it.   
  
_ “Yer tryin’ ta kill me, girl. Aren’t ya?” _ _   
_   
“Did you like it?”    
  
_ “Did I- fuck... Yeah, I like it.” _   
  
“What are you doing?” It sounds like he’s outside. Walking. He has to be alone or he wouldn't be talking like he is.   
  
_ “Had ta take a walk. Lied and said I needed ta make a business call…”  _ She laughed then and he growled and then he proceeded to ask her how she did it and how it made her feel and did she keep touching herself and make herself come.   
  
She told him. Everything. Every detail until she heard him groan into the phone.   
  
“Daryl did you- where are you?” Her heart was beating just as fast as it had been when she was taking the pictures and imagining him looking at it.   
  
_ “Woods… and yeah I did. ‘S all yer fault sending me that… can’t do nothing in the trailer with Rick and Carl and- dammit girl that was fuckin’ hot. But I wanna come home, wanna hold you.” _ She can hear the muffled sounds of clothing.   
  
“Me too, I want that.”   
  
_ “Leavin’ tomorrow at noon. I’ll be home fer dinner. Got a fish we can fry.”  _ _   
_   
  
She’s up early and she cleans a little, cooks breakfast for herself and finishes an assignment for school. It’s only 10:30. She’s got hours before Daryl gets home if they’re not leaving until noon. That thought alone almost sends her back to bed but a call from Abe cheers her up. They were cleared on the foundation and the permit will be issued.    
  
“I thought it was supposed to take  at least twenty-four hours?”    
  
_ “I got a friend,” Abe says. _

  
“Yeah, you got a lot of friends Abe.” Beth is kind of teasing. But Rosita is dating someone new now and she’s happy and that makes the whole Abe deal easier to swallow. That and the fact that he swears nothing happened between him and his friend Sasha until after he ended it with Rosita.    
  
_ “You should meet her Beth. She’s a nice girl. I know your friends with Rosita and I wouldn’t ever expect that to change, but I think you’d hit it off with Sasha too. Just think about it okay? In the meantime we got clearance to start building!” _ _   
_   
So besides the fact that she just wants him home now she has news, she’s dying to share and she doesn’t want to text it to him. She resorts to doing laundry. Anything to keep her busy and help the time pass. The boys are in the garage working on some super secret project and try and hurry her along because she can’t see.    
  
Laundry ends up taking 20 minutes.   
  
She takes a shower and goes back out to switch the laundry. The boys have disappeared and there’s no trace of the mysterious project.   
  
She decides to take a walk out to their house site, which is now a concrete foundation and it seems so much more like a house that she’s excited and she wanders around imagining where the walls will be and how she wants it to look eventually. The area that will technically be their backyard has been graded too. Merle was out here yesterday doing some work.    
  
Stepping off of the foundation she heads towards the woods that start right where their yard will end. That’s how they wanted it. Being able to just disappear into the trees is something Daryl loves. Now he can do it in his own backyard. Jogging a little Beth takes a step into the woods when she hears a snap and there’s an excruciating pain in her right ankle that has her on the ground trying to catch her breath. Looking over at her leg she sees what caused the pain. Her foot is caught in what looks like a trap of some sort. A weird one and it must be old because it’s covered in rust.    
  
And it hurts. Not like it’s broken or anything but it’s definitely injured.   
  
She can’t help the tears that start. She’s panicking as she searches her pockets for her phone when she realizes she left it on the kitchen table. She can’t stand up, there’s no way she can try and drag her foot with the trap all the way to Merle’s anyway.    
  
“Oh no.. what am I…” She hears voices, the boys.    
  
“DJ! Beau! Help! Somebody!” She feels like an idiot screaming like she is but she doesn’t have any idea what else to do. She even starts dragging herself towards the foundation. If she can get up on it she might have a better chance of getting someone's attention. If not she’ll just keep crawling until she gets to the house.   
  
**xxxxXxxxx** **  
**   
Talking Rick into leaving early had been his plan and then Carl puked at breakfast and they’d left anyway. It had been disgusting and Daryl hadn’t finished his own breakfast but the kid had saved him a few hours. He missed Beth. And he doesn’t care if he’s a pussy for doing so. He wants to see his girl and talk a little more about this picture she sent.   
  
Pulling into the driveway he’s waylaid by Merle and the boys.   
  
“Yer home early! Couldn’t stay away could ya?” Merle teases. Daryl just flips him off much to the delight of the boys.   
  
“Did anybody catch anything?” Beau asks. He wanted to go but since he isn’t even old enough to enter the contest Merle said he could wait.   
  
“Yep we all caught some bass but Carl caught the biggest, an eleven pounder. He won $100,” Daryl says. “Beth been down?”   
  
“She was doing laundry earlier,” DJ says. Daryl nods and heads up to the apartment anxious to see her.    
  
But the apartment is empty. He heads back down just as his phone buzzes with a text from Abe.   
  
_ Beth tell you about the good news- the permit? _   
  
Merle is looking at his phone too.    
  
“Ya find Beth? Jus’ got a text from Abe-” He looks up at Daryl smiling.   
  
“Nah she ain’t up there? She in with Carol?”   
  
“Nope Carol and Sophia went to the grocery store.”    
  
“Well, where the hell-” That’s when he hears it. Someone calling, no yelling but it’s not loud cause it’s a girl’s voice. His girl. Taking off running in the direction he knows it came from his heart is pounding and he’s scared because he could hear tears in that yell.   
  
**  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Duh duh duh… we’re almost to the end! I had to do it. And you all know what’s going on. Daryl is the one in the dark. That stupid trap… He’s gonna have to go rescue her again. Stay tuned! I love you all!!**


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I don’t know much about bear traps and the damage they would do on a human… everything I read said it would break bones. So I’m using creative license here... And after watching and rewatching the bear trap scene in “Alone” it looks like Beth’s boot heel helped avoid broken bones… at least that’s my interpretation. I hope it all makes sense! Enjoy!!**

 

Daryl hears her voice and he runs. His tracker's instincts kick in and take him right where he needs to be. He honestly didn’t know what to expect but it sure as hell wasn’t this. Beth’s trying to pull herself up using the foundation of their house as a crutch her face wet with tears.

 

His heart is in his stomach as he drops down beside her.

 

“Beth- I’m here- wha’?”

 

“It’s my foot- a trap.” He slips his arms around her and eases her back down on the ground. It takes a second for his brain to wrap around what he’s looking at. 

 

“What the fuck?” He lifts her foot just a little so he can get a good look at the trap. It’s old and extremely rusty and the heel of her boot might have prevented it from closing completely. Setting it back down gently he looks at her she’s blinking back tears and he can tell just by looking at her face that she’s in pain. Putting a hand on each spring he leans into releasing the springs that squeak as they move. Tossing it aside he lifts her foot again. “Can ya move it?”

 

“I- I think so.” She does, rotates the ankle. That’s a good sign.

 

Merle and the boys come running up just as Daryl’s trying to take her boot off. Her breath catches in her throat and he can feel her leg tense up.

 

“Is that a bear trap? Jesus!” Merle says picking it up.

 

“Bears? We ain’t got no bears out here do we?” Beau asks.

 

“Nah, not fer a long time. This thing’s old…” Looking over at where Daryl is sitting with Beth’s foot in his hands he nods. “Might wanna jus’ cut it off,” he suggests.

 

“Daddy! No!” DJ crouches down beside Beth and it looks like he’s making an attempt to protect her.

 

“Not her foot boy! The boot!" Merle chuckles.

 

“No! No- I’ve had these boots forever, I don’t want-” Raising a hand to her face she sniffles.

 

“We ain’t cutting nothing.” Daryl glares at Merle but he can’t deny he had the same thought. Especially if he hurts her trying to get the damn thing off. Taking her boot up again Beth presses her foot into his hands.

 

“Just do it, Daryl. I’m okay.” He looks at her and when she nods he gives one good pull and the boot comes off. Beth exhales and stretches her leg out in front of her, wiggles her toes and gives him a weak smile. “See, not broken.” 

 

“Does it hurt a lot? “DJ asks and Daryl expects her to shake it off, act like it’s nothing. She doesn’t do that. She nods instead and wipes her eyes.

 

“Com’on, ‘m taking ya home.” 

 

“She can’t walk Uncle Daryl!” Beau exclaims. Daryl looks at him pointedly.

 

“Nah? Really?” He reaches for Beth’s hand, “Can ya stand?” She can and once she’s up he turns and squats down a little. “Hop on.”

 

“A piggyback ride? Are you serious Daryl?” There’s a smile in there he can hear it. Beau and DJ are snickering as they run off with the bear trap to show Carol and Sophia.

 

“ ‘S serious piggyback ride.” She’s laughing as she hops on one foot and he grabs her legs and hoists her up. This is much better than the tears he found her in earlier. She rests her chin on his shoulder and he can feel her breath on his neck.

 

“I missed you,” she says softly so only he can hear. 

 

“Missed you too.”

 

“Am I too heavy? I can probably walk with your help-”

 

“Yer heavier than ya look, but I got ya.” 

 

“You always gonna be here to catch me when I fall?” This gives him pause, those words. It’s not like he wasn’t planning on forever with her. That, like breathing, has become a given. 

 

He’s always gonna be here, always going to do his best to catch her, and if he can’t then he’ll fall with her.

 

“Always gonna be here girl.” 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Settling back on the couch where he put her, Beth pulls off her sock. The bridge of her foot is bruising and it’s swollen. She takes off her other boot and compares the two. It’s not bad, definitely not broken. Daryl made an ice pack for her before he went down to his truck to get his things. 

 

Standing she puts a little weight on it. It hurts but if she had to she could walk on it. The apartment door opens and Daryl comes in with his overnight bag and an ice chest.

 

“Supposed ta be icing that,” he says frowning at her.

 

“I know. I just wanted to see what it felt like, just to be sure.” Sitting back down she reaches for the ice pack.

 

“So how’s it feel?” he asks as he joins her on the couch. He gestures for her foot and she stretches her leg out across his lap.

 

“It hurts.” He’s rubbing his thumb along the instep and that feels nice. Anywhere he puts his hands on her body feels nice. 

 

“Gimmie that ice,” he says. “Wha’ was ya doin’ out there?”

 

“Oh! Abe called. The inspection passed and we can start building and- I just wanted to look at it again. I want to remember it all.” This is the beginning of a story that’s going to be a part of their history and they’ll pass it on and when they’re gone someone will remember it and share it. 

 

“Even this?” he asks a little smile on his face.

 

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “This is gonna be the part they remember. I mean a bear trap?”

 

“They?” He knows what she’s implying. They haven’t talked about it explicitly in a few months. But there are four bedrooms on the plans that Daryl drew up and when he had them professionally done those four bedrooms were still there.

 

“They.” He curls his hand around her heel and squeezes gently. He might be looking for words or he might just be feeling the ones they’ve already spoken. But he looks a little lost so she adds, “I mean someday…” 

 

“One day.” Is his response. Maybe he isn’t lost at all. She always felt like it was easier to be lost than found. Until him. “Lay back,” he says. She stretches out on the couch, feels him as he tucks the ice pack around her foot and then he’s beside her. 

 

It’s not a small couch, but it’s not necessarily meant to be big enough for two people to lay on it side by side. Which means they are tucked up against each other in the shared space. Their bed is big but they always seem to gravitate to towards each other there too. Here they have no choice, not that they’d choose any different.

 

“We’re gonna build a house Beth and we’re gonna fill it up. One day.” He breaks her open and fills her up over and over again. Snuggling up against him she traces the line of his jaw, the stubble that shadows it is coarse under her fingertip.

 

“Yeah we are,” she breathes. He shifts a little so he can look at her and he has a mischievous little sparkle in his eyes.

 

“So, ‘bout  that picture ya sent…”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Summer isn’t here yet but it’s teasing them with dandelions seeds and fireflies. The boys are restless and Sophia is mopey and something is off between Carol and Merle. Before they came over to her daddy’s to take care of the animals she walked over to the house and asked the kids to come and help. 

 

“We’ll get pizza after.” It’s a bribe she didn’t even need because the kids are always happy to go anywhere with her and Daryl. Carol was finishing up dishes and she looked at Beth questioningly. “I thought maybe a break would be nice. Go do something, you and Merle, if you want. Me and Daryl will hang out with the kids.” Carol had smiled then but it didn’t reach her eyes. There was something else there. Beth didn’t pry because Carol knows if she needs to talk she can. 

Carol’s been there to listen when she needed an ear. Fate had a whole lot to do with this family coming into her life. Beth is sure of that.

 

“Ok, that might be nice. Thanks, Beth.” Beth had left it at that hoping that whatever was going on would work out for the best.

 

Daryl and the boys are over at the barn. Shawn was moved to the rehab facility in Florida and Hershel and Amy went to be there. And since Maggie and Glenn took both girls Beth said she’d take care of the animals. Hershel acquired a couple of Angus cows and an ornery little burro and along with Nellie and the chickens and a couple of stray cats they have their own little zoo on the farm.

 

Abbi is turning five in a couple of weeks and like Beth who’d been right around the same age, she’s fallen madly in love with horses. She’s ridden Nellie a couple of times but the mare is getting older and may not be the best choice for Abbi as she learns to ride. So Hershel has been tentatively looking for another horse.

 

Beth has limited her rides on Nellie too. The old horse has slowed down and is content to spend more time out in the pasture grazing and wandering off away from the little burro who likes to nip at her tail. She doesn’t come to the fence like she used to. And often has to be led in at night. It happens, horses like people grow older. She’s earned her freedom to do as she pleases. That’s what Beth thinks, all the rest, she tries not to think so much about.

 

She and Sophia are in the chicken coop gathering eggs and cleaning out the roosting boxes. The new batch of layers that Hershel bought at the auction are not as neat and tidy as their older counterparts.

 

She’s noticed that Sophia has been pretty quiet, more than usual and she wonders if there’s more going on than she and Daryl know.

 

“You know you’re really quiet, you okay?” Beth asks as she spreads straw for the hens to sit in. Sophia sighs and there’s a little dramatic flair to it which makes Beth smile.

 

“He was going to be my boyfriend this summer,” Sophia says mournfully. She’s petting one of the tamer hens who is clucking softly as she does it.

 

Oh. Carl. This thing that’s mainly one-sided hasn’t fizzled out yet. Rick sent him to spend the summer with his mom’s family. They don’t get to see him that often and Rick finally relented and let him go. Daryl had said that Carl was excited. There’s a lake and a bunch of cousins and he had big plans.

 

“Does he know that?” Beth asks gently. The blush on Sophia’s cheeks is all the answer Beth needs. “He’ll be back.”

 

“I know, it’s just-” Daryl and the boys come walking up then and Sophia stops talking widening her eyes at Beth which translates into ‘Do not tell my uncle.’

 

“Hey! You guys all done?” Something about the expression on Daryl’s face, actually all of their faces is concerning.

 

“Sophia, the boys are gonna stay here with ya for a few minutes alright?” Beau and DJ shuffle into the coop their eyes purposely averted from Beth. Daryl looks at her though and holds out a hand. “Com’ere.” 

 

She takes his hand and he leads her back towards the barn but bypasses it and heads for the pasture. Letting go of her to open the gate he lets her in and closes it behind them. It doesn’t feel right whatever this is. It feels heavy.

 

“Daryl…”

 

“Beth we got a... It’s..” And suddenly it hits her, what this is. The pasture. And what she’s been thinking or trying not to think about lately. Nellie.

 

“No,” she whispers. Everything is hot, her whole body. It’s hot and tears prickle behind her eyes. Sharp, like little needles, poke, poke, poking away. 

 

“ ‘M sorry Beth.” He reaches for her hand again and she backs up a little, stirring up dust that floats around her ankles dissipating into the warm air.

 

“No.” Her voice is shaking and she tucks her hands behind her back like a petulant child, like a little girl who doesn’t want to let go even though she has no choice. 

 

_ If I don’t believe it, then it can’t be true…  _ Like Santa, like her mama, like everyone else who went away. Daryl stands there his hands at his sides and he looks at her helplessly because really what can he do? 

 

He reaches for her again and this is what he can do, he can be there with her. She’s not alone. This time she has someone, this time someone is there…

 

To catch her when she falls.

 

She takes his hand and she walks right beside him, doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t hold back and then she’s in front of him, letting go and running.

 

There’s the tree. It’s where Nellie would stand flicking her tail in the afternoon sun probably dreaming about running in the woods is what Beth imagined. But the horse isn’t standing there now. There’s a dark rounded shadow on the ground in front of the tree, that’s her, that’s Nellie.

 

Beth sinks to her knees beside Nellie and cards her fingers through the horse's mane. Everything aches even though she knew this was coming, expected it even. Nellie is older than her. She was her mama’s horse before Beth claimed her as her own and the two were inseparable for quite a few years. 

 

Maybe it’s not too soon for Nellie. Maybe it’s happening right on time as it should like it's meant too. Broken hearts don’t discriminate though and this hurts just as much as if it were unexpected. It’s the cruel, harsh, unfair reality of being alive when someone you love isn’t.

 

She feels him behind her, the strength of his arms around her waist. And she leans back into him, let him hold her while she cries until she can’t anymore.

 

“You don’t think about the leaving... I mean I knew it was coming, she was- you just don’t think about the end.” She holds onto his arms, pulls them tighter, lets him know it’s okay to touch, to comfort her because she has a feeling he was holding back. 

 

She was right. Once he’s given that unspoken permission he wraps himself around her, kisses her cheek, her neck, her shoulder, his actions replacing words he doesn’t have. Because there really isn’t anything to say. 

 

After that things happen quickly. Daryl makes a phone call and then goes off to find the keys to the tractor. The kids join her by the tree and they, in their innocence have no problem talking and asking questions and Beth finds that she wants to answer them all as best she can and it makes her feel better. 

 

By the time Merle and Carol show up and she’s picked a spot and Daryl’s fired up the tractor she’s even better. It’s going to be dark before they’re even finished but Daryl refused to let Nellie’s body lie there all night. 

 

“Ain’t gonna do that. ‘S important and she deserves it.”

 

_ Like a little bird buried out there in the woods. _

 

Maggie comes out by herself. Glenn stays home with their nieces. When she comes to stand by Beth next to the mound of dirt they hold hands. Two little girls, sisters, standing by a grave.

 

“She was something else... More than just a horse.” Maggie says slipping an arm around Beth’s shoulders.

 

“She was… For a while, she was all I had.” This isn't a dig at Maggie. It’s the truth, plain and simple.

 

It’s dark and it’s time to go. There’s nothing here to stay for. 

 

They head for the cars, Sophia finished the chickens and locked everything up and the boys did the same with the barn. It’s only now that she’s paying attention that Beth notices the distance between Merle and Carol. And the kids are quiet hovering between their mom and dad unsure of what to do.

 

“Come on kids lets walk, I haven’t walked through the woods in a long time.” Carol tries to sound upbeat like they’re off on an adventure. And Merle waves them off and she can tell he’s humoring them or protecting them. She can’t decide which.

 

“See y’all back at the house,” Merle says but before he can leave Beth hugs him.

 

“Thank you for coming over and doing this. I really appreciate it, Merle.” His smile is sad and it scares her a little because this is new and not a good new.

 

“Course. ‘M sorry ‘bout yer horse. I know ya loved her.” If she says anything she’s going to cry so she just nods and moves back next to Daryl where his hand finds hers, clasps it in his and holds on. They watch as Merle takes off out of the yard kicking up dirt and rocks with his truck. 

 

Daryl stares after his brothers truck for a moment more than one would in a normal situation. But this isn’t a normal situation.

 

“Something’s wrong,” she says. Daryl nods.

 

“Ain’t sure what’s goin’ on but I’m gonna find out.” Pulling her close, he rests his chin on the crown of her head. She lets herself relax against him, feel the rise and fall of his chest, listen to his heartbeat and not think too much about anything but this moment right here. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They came home and Beth started to heat up leftovers and he helped but neither of them ate all that much. And he’s been pacing, glancing out the window, listening. On alert. It’s an old habit dredged up from a past that was fraught with violence. But paying attention was how he avoided getting beat. At least most of the time.

 

This isn’t that though and somehow that feels even worse.

 

“Are you going to go check on Merle?” He wanted to, needs to but he didn’t want to leave her. 

 

“Yeah, I wanna.. But-”

 

“Go. They put whatever is going on aside to come to the farm for me. If he needs you, you should be there.” She’s had a hell of an afternoon but still, she’s telling him to go, be where he might be needed even though he’s still needed here. She’s good and she’s kind and even when she’s hurting she’s looking out for others. Even him. 

 

“What’re ya gonna do?”

 

“Take a bubble bath and light candles and wait for you. I’m gonna be fine.” He looks at her, the gentle smile she’s wearing.

 

“Alright.” Framing her face with his hands he leans in and brushes his lips against hers, kisses each cheek and her nose before he presses his open mouth against hers tasting her and the tang of the barbecue sauce that was on their chicken.

 

“I love you girl..” 

 

“You..” Tilting her head back she cradles his face in her hands, “you buried my horse cause it’s important. And- I love you…” Girl doesn’t have a clue how she wrecks him. Those big blue eyes looking up at him like no one has ever looked at him before. She makes him feel worthy in so many ways. She makes him feel good and strong and so loved. 

 

She’s taken everything he ever thought about himself and proved him wrong.

 

“Take yer bath. Meet ya in bed…” she giggles as he walks away and it gives him the courage to go down and see his brother.

  
  


He can’t find his brother. The shop lights are all on and there are a few tools spread out on the bench so he hasn’t closed up. His truck is in the drive and so is Carol’s car. But he doubts very much his brother went into the house and left everything open.

 

Just by chance, he walks out toward his house. It’s a skeleton now. The framing is almost done. The moon is out and almost full so he can see the porch steps where his brother is sitting. 

 

“What the hell ya doing out here?”

 

“Just sitting and having a drink baby brother,” Merle slurs and it’s then that Daryl notices the bottle between his knees.

 

“Go on an close up the shop and get yer ass in the house.” This whole thing has Daryl’s nerves on edge.

 

“Can’t do that. Prolly got locked out by now,” Merle says shaking his head.

 

“What the fuck Merle?” Pulling out his cigarettes he lights one and takes a deep drag. He’s been staying away from them. He refuses to smoke in the apartment and most the time he doesn’t even smoke around Beth unless they’re outside. She’s never said anything about him quitting but he doubts she’d complain if he did. 

 

He might. But right now he needs one.

 

“Beau’s been having some trouble in class. ‘S his readin’.” Daryl’s aware of the fact that Beau struggles with reading. He always has but Carol was helping him at home and he never heard anything else. 

 

“Thought he was doing better?” 

 

“Nah, ‘s worse. Had ‘em tested. They say he’s got a disability. ‘S dyslexia, ya know where they mix up letters and shit.”

 

“They jus’ now noticing?” Daryl sits down next to Merle and takes the whiskey.

 

“Uh huh. Wanna know why? Cause they split the brothers up this year. Put ‘em in different classes. Was doin’ it to try and help DJ. And that boy, hell he’s kicking ass. He’s so brave Daryl... So fuckin’ brave.” Merle wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “But Beau, he ain’t got his brother there ta help ‘em figure out the readin’ shit and- all this time DJ’s been helping him so no one would know he can’t hardly read. ‘S bad Daryl, my boy can’t read an I didn’ even fuckin’ see it! What the hell kinda dad- I’ll tell ya what kind! Our fuckin’ piece a shit dad thas’ who... They put me in them damn special classes, my fuckin’ dad teased me about it, teased me so much I was skipping outta school when I was seven years old. Fuck!”

 

Daryl’s never heard this. Merle never told him. And by the time he was born Merle had already dropped out of school. 

 

“You had what Beau has?” Daryl takes a big drink of the whiskey but doesn’t give the bottle back to his brother.

 

“Don’ know. I don’ think so, think my problems was more about what was going on in my home. Hell, I missed so much school. And mama- she- whenever that prick was gone on a bender she’d sit me at the table and make me read and do my math and she helped me. She was smart, our mama. Think ya musta taken after her Daryl,” Merle says and hangs his head.

 

“Why’s Carol all outta sorts?” He’s not thinking too hard on everything Merle said about their mama. He forgets that Merle is so much older, that he was a grown man when she died. That he knows her in ways Daryl never did and now Daryl can barely remember her. What he does remember isn’t good.

 

“I jus’- I been angry. They wanna put my boy in them, special classes. I been there, he’s gonna get teased and then he’s gonna fight like he did with the kids messing with DJ and I don’ know what ta do. I fucked off a coupla meetins’. I yelled in front a my kids, yelled ‘bout the school and them tests and-”

 

“Yer afraid,” Daryl interjects.

 

“Fuck off! I ain’t afraid.”

 

“Ya are.” He can hear Merle’s heavy breathing and maybe pushing him like this when he’s drunk isn’t a good idea. It feels too much like the past.

 

“Wha’ the hell ya think ‘m afraid of?”

 

“Ya already said it. Them classes, gettin’ teased, fightin’. Wha’s Beau think?”

 

Merle seems confused. He’s rubbing his face, looking around for the bottle.

 

“Where’s my-”

 

“Drank it all. What’s Beau think? Ya, ask him? Or did ya just make it clear what you thought and what you think makes him feel stupid.” Daryl braces himself for the fury. And it comes. 

 

“Don’ you ever fuckin’ say I make my kid feel stupid, I love my boys… I love ‘em, Daryl! I ain’t never laid a hand on ‘em, never called ‘em names or kicked ‘em aroun’ like they was a stray dog. I’d take a fuckin’ bullet fer them, boys. Sophia too. And Carol… and you... And Beth…”

 

“That all?” Daryl asks and Merle nods. He gives his brother a minute before he continues. “Ain’t gotta call ‘em stupid ta make ‘em feel like it. Them meetings was about Beau. Ya shoulda gone. For him. Ya think Carol ain’t feelin’ all kinds a shit? Ya running off and getting angry when ya should be leaning on her, lettin’ her lean on you.”

 

“Where’s all this shit comin’ from? How ya know this?” Merle is looking at him like he’s an alien from another planet and it’s funny as hell but he can’t laugh and he doesn't quite know where all of these words are coming from either. He can see his brother’s pain and he wants to fix it. Cause there’s a good woman who needs her husband and kids who need their daddy. His family. 

 

“Go home. Talk ta her.” 

 

“I fucked up,” he says mournfully. 

 

“Ya did.” Daryl has to agree with that. But everybody makes mistakes. He’s learning that and he’s finding out that if it matters and you want to, you can go back and try again.

 

“Wha’ if she won’ have me?” Now he’s being pathetic. But Daryl’s patience hasn’t worn out yet. He shrugs and looks over at Merle.

 

“How many times she kick yer ass out?” Merle’s brow furrows.

 

“Never.”

 

“I think ya might have chance bro.”  When Merle chuckles Daryl feels like maybe half the battle is over. He can get inside Merle’s head because they think alike. They both learned how to function in a toxic world where survival meant being just a bit more cunning than the poison. 

 

“Les’ go home baby bro,” Merle says standing and steadying himself on Daryl’s shoulder. “Beth tell ya all that stuff ‘bout being there and leanin’ and shit.”

 

Maybe. Some of it.

 

“Fuck you, Merle.”

 

“Alright, alright... Ya know I’d like them teachers ta see Beau shoot a crossbow and hit the target dead center every single time. And jump that bike a his? That takes skill, gotta time it jus’ right.”

 

“Better go in ta the next meeting and tell ‘em. Then ya listen ta what they gotta say about the other stuff.” Daryl sees the light on the back porch flip on. Of course, Carol’s looking out the window and she’s waiting and Merle’s being a dumbass. It’ll all work out. 

 

He watches as his brother makes his way to the back door.

 

“Hey, Merle!” Daryl calls.

 

“Wha’?”

 

“I’d take a bullet fer you too.” 

 

Merle’s laughter is loud and abrasive and Carol pokes her head out the back door. The shop is closed up and Daryl thinks maybe Carol might already know a thing or two. All he hears as he climbs the stairs is Merle saying he’s sorry and they’re gonna figure this out and please don’t kick him out.

 

Beth is asleep when he looks in the bedroom, stretched out across the bed, all five foot one of her taking up more space than she needs. He knows that once he lays down she’ll fold herself against him and be content not to move the rest of the night. And he’s okay with that. Extremely okay.

 

He takes a quick shower and shuts off the kitchen light and crawls into bed. Just like he knew she would, Beth finds him and curls up against him. She sighs when he kisses her forehead and murmurs against his chest,

 

“Everythin’ okay?” 

 

“Yep.” When he’s reaching for the sheet to pull it up over them he notices a new picture on Beth’s side of the bed. He recognizes it from her room. It was stuck on the mirror with pictures of her and Maggie, her mama. Now it’s in a little gold frame. She’s gotta be around seven or eight, she’s sitting up on Nellie with a big grin on her face and red cowboy boots on her skinny little legs. 

 

They already talked about the barn. He’s gonna have to see what he can do about a pasture.  

 

He’s got a girl who might want another horse and they’ve got a future with four bedrooms and there’s a good chance someday one of those bedrooms will be occupied by a skinny little girl who looks like her mama, shoots a bow like her daddy and has an obsession with horses.

 

Wrapping his arms around Beth he pulls her closer and whispers into her hair.

 

“One day.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

She opens her eyes and even with the curtains closed she can tell it’s early. The light that filters through has watery quality devoid of any color. Her back is to Daryl’s chest. Because he likes to be the big spoon. At least most of the time. But when he isn’t feeling good or he’s just in a certain mood he lets her switch places. Then she can run her fingers over his back, map his scars that she knows so well now. Knowing doesn’t take away the ache she sometimes feels when her hands are on him. There’s always that echo of violence.

 

The second she moves his arms flex, tightening around her. She doesn’t even think he’s aware he does it. Not always anyway. It’s like instinct like he’s got her in his arms and it’s his job to protect her. She’s never told him her theory. He’ll roll his eyes and tell her she’s goofy. Maybe. Either way, she likes it. She especially likes it when she can turn over and watch him sleep for a few minutes before something pulls him to the surface of waking and he growls at her because she's watching him.

 

He’s usually a light sleeper though and it’s extremely hard to do. 

 

“Hey.. whada ya doing?” Voice thick with sleep he doesn’t even open his eyes, just reaches for her.

 

“I have to pee.. Go back to sleep,” she whispers as she skims a hand over his stomach which might have been a bad idea because she bumps the head of his hard cock and he groans his fingers skimming her wrist as he tries grabbing ahold of her. He’s mumbling complaints as she hurries out of the bedroom.

 

She takes care of what she needs to in the bathroom even brushes her teeth and splashes water on her face. 

 

He’s hard in the morning more often than not. But it doesn’t always mean they do anything about it. If they fall back asleep it usually goes away. But this morning is different.

 

She doesn’t want it to go away. She wants to take care of it. Of him. 

 

Crawling back onto the bed she runs her hand over the hard length of him and slides the sheet down. His cock is straining against his boxers and he reaches for the elastic waistband. Batting his hand away she kneels next to him.

 

“Uh uh, let me,” she whispers leaning in and pressing a kiss just below his belly button.

 

“Fuck, Beth…” One hand is fisted in the sheet the other is hovering above her head, barely brushing her hair. He’s waiting. He knows what she likes. She gets his boxers off and straddles his thigh as she grasps his cock in her small hand. She strokes him slowly all the way up to the head and back down again loving the soft moans that rumble deep in his chest.

 

He’s let his hand rest on her head and he’s encouraging her with a gentle pressure.

 

“You in a hurry Mr. Dixon?” she breathes. Warm breath on his cock makes it jerk in her hand, a small bead of pre-come glistening on the dark purple head. Using her thumb she swipes it away and he bucks up into her fist.

 

“Wan’ it in yer mouth…” he breathes grinding against her hand. His words make her pussy ache. He’s so much bigger and stronger, he could do whatever he wanted but he’s giving her control.

 

She takes him in her mouth and swirls her tongue around and around the head before taking more of him, as much as she can until her gag reflex kicks in. His fingers are tangled in her hair pulling at it as he follows her movements, barely any pressure. He’s always afraid to push too hard even though she wants it. Until she gives him permission.

 

“Better show me what you want Daryl,” she says around a mouthful of cock. Shuddering beneath her, all his muscles rippling he pushes her head down and arches up to meet her. It’s too much for him when his cock hits the back of her throat and the pressure from his hand is gone. 

 

“Com’ere..” he rasps reaching for her thigh.

 

“No, I wanna…”

 

“Ya can jus' get yer legs up here… let me... I wanna lick yer pussy, Beth, can I..” This is new. For them. Definitely new for her. She looks up at him, lips against the head of his cock and he falls back on the pillow. “Yer gonna kill me... Jesus, so fuckin’ hot and ya don’ even know... Ya jus’ don’..” 

 

She does what he asked her too, it’s awkward trying to climb over him and he ends up taking her hips in his hands and lifting her. She can feel his breath, hot between her legs and if their difference in size was apparent before it’s even more so now. She feels so small lying here on top of him. Everything in her is tingling as he runs his hands over her back and down her thighs spreading her legs wider and opening her up.

 

“Don’ stop baby... Com’on…” he urges. She runs her tongue up his shaft and over the head and takes him in her mouth again. Concentration is almost impossible with what he’s doing to her. But she’s determined to make him come first. Using her fist and her mouth it’s not long before he’s the one having trouble concentrating. His mouth falls away from her as he arches his back hissing her name, but he’s got a thumb on her clit making delicious circles that take her over the edge right behind him.

 

She doesn’t pull off of him until his cock stops throbbing. Her body is vibrating in anticipation because she knows what's next. He manages to get her turned around and in his arms and his kiss is hard and desperate. He licks into her mouth, holds her head in his hands and whispers between kisses against her lips.

 

“I fuckin’ love you Beth.. love you so much.” The taste of him in her mouth does things to him. He can’t seem to get enough and it turns her on but it’s more than that. Like so many things between them, there aren’t words to describe it. It just is and she loves it, loves him.

 

“Daryl… that, that was hot. I never…” He rolled over on his side and she’s facing him looking in his soft eyes. After sex eyes. He’s beautiful when he’s like this, uninhibited and open.

 

“Didn’ think so, hoped so anyway… wanted ta be yer first.” His voice is husky and slow.

 

“First, last, and always…” she says. His words are like poetry. But she’ll keep that thought to herself too, for now. 

 

The buzz of her orgasm is like a sedative lulling her back to sleep. And it doesn’t take long to fall when she’s safe in his arms.

 

****  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I should be ashamed of myself… but I’m not! Okay… now the big thing. I’m sorry. I know… some of you aren’t going to like what I did. I hope the reasons make sense. They do at least in my head. Thank you for reading and even if you want to throw things at me I still appreciate all of you!**


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **House building codes… I’m just winging it! And a new face. I didn't know if he’d find his way into this fic but I am so glad he did! Enjoy!!**

 

The minute the sun peeks over the horizon and sometimes even before, the sound of a hammer can be heard. Daryl likes to get an early start. Most of the time Beth is there beside him as he pounds nail after nail into the wood putting all his love, sweat, and tears into their home.

 

Abe’s given up showing him the nail gun. He just walks by and shakes his head chuckling. Merle calls him crazy but Beth thinks he of all people understands why Daryl does what he does. 

 

And Beth, she just reminds him every time she runs her hands over his arms how incredibly sexy they are and that sometimes she has to leave and take a cold shower after watching him working out in the hot sun, no sleeves, his biceps glistening like some kind of Greek God. He invariably growls at her while blushing furiously, but he smiles because he likes the attention when it's coming from her.

 

He lets her pound a few nails because it’s her home too and they’re building it together. It’s turned into a little game. Every time she picks up the hammer he shows her how to hold it so she doesn’t miss the nail and hit her thumb. But they both know she just likes the way he stands behind her, real close with one hand resting on her hip. 

 

More often than not the hammer ends up on the floor, the lesson forgotten as he backs her up against the half-built wall, slides his hands into her hair and kisses her breathless. 

 

Which is currently where they are right now.

 

“I love havin’ ya here Beth, but damn woman yer a distraction!” 

 

“I could go do laundry or something,” she whispers running a finger down his bicep.

 

“Uh, uh,” he grunts teeth grazing her earlobe. “Ya took the summer off ta be here with me, distract me all ya want girl.”

 

“We have a house to build… I promise I’ll behave. Most of the time…” He chuckles as she reaches for the hammer.

 

He didn’t ask her to take the summer off, he wouldn’t do that. But when she brought it up the look on his face had said it all. He’d given her a smile that rivaled the sun, pulled her into his arms and whispered softly against her cheek, “Ya’d really do that?” 

 

School wasn’t going anywhere and Reg and Olivia were always willing to work with her. Half the time she thinks they find things for her to do just to give her hours. She might not be able to do the majority of what Daryl, Merle and Abe and his crew are doing, but she can make runs for supplies if they need something and there’s always water and fruit in the ice chest. And she’s here. 

 

They hear Merle’s boots on the porch and he comes in whistling.

 

“Y’all sleep out here or somethin’?” He asks eyeing them both. Daryl flips him off and takes the hammer from Beth. 

 

“Wanted ta get an early start. We got the inspection today and that means a couple hours watching a dude with a clipboard walk around and stare at shit.”

 

“Yeah well these are the big one’s little bro. Once they clear we can start making this place purty! Setup that goddamn bathtub y’all jus’ had ta have!” 

 

“It’s here?” Beth practically squeals. Daryl found an old iron clawfoot tub at an auction and had it refinished for their bathroom because Beth had mentioned that’s the kind of tub they needed for bubble baths together. At the time he’d rolled his eyes. But she could tell he was quite proud of himself when he told her he’d found it. 

 

She takes off to the back of the house where the master bed and bathroom is and it’s there wrapped in plastic and she almost runs into him when she decides she needs his knife, needs to open it and see it.

 

He cuts the plastic and she pulls it off piece by piece until it’s unwrapped.

 

“Daryl…” she breathes. “It’s.. oh! It’s beautiful.” Kicking off her converse she climbs in and leans back and she can literally stretch out and still have room.

 

“Whata ya doin’ girl?”

 

“Come on! Get it!” He huffs out a breath and she gets up on her knees. “Please Daryl! Just see how we fit!” She won’t have to push too hard, she knows this. He toes off his own shoes and climbs in with her. She has him lean back and she fits herself between his legs. “Well?” she asks looking up at him.

 

“I like it… ‘s good.” His feet reach the end, just barely. Wiggling her toes she giggles.

 

“I cannot wait for the first bath!” 

 

“Jesus Christ! Really? I do believe I seen it all!” Merle leans in the doorway watching them and Beth doesn’t miss the gleam in his eye.

 

Ever since the night Merle told Daryl about Beau and his dyslexia and ‘kinda fell apart’ is what Daryl had said, ever since that night Merle’s been looking at Daryl differently. Daryl doesn’t seem to see it, but she does. Something changed, just a little and it’s a good change. The brothers are close, that’s obvious. But Beth thinks that Daryl caught Merle when he was falling and for the first time Merle is finally realizing he can lean on his little brother, Daryl can be there for him, he’s gonna be there for him.

 

“Had ta make sure we fit,” Daryl says.

 

“Ain’t nobody ever gonna fit quite like y’all do,” Merle says as he walks away whistling. 

 

“We do fit Daryl,” she says softly turning so she can slide her hand behind his neck and tilt her head up and run her tongue along her bottom lip. Cause then he’ll kiss her. No question about that. She knows it like she knows his heartbeat. “I love our tub.”

 

“Good.. but we gotta get outta here for anyone else catches us.” She laughs but climbs out slipping back into her converse.

 

“I’m going to go make coffee and I really do have laundry.” After he ties his boots he wraps his arms around her.

 

“Yer beautiful Beth... I love you.” It leaves her speechless, her breath caught in her throat. It’s not like moments like these are rare, but even so every single time it catches her off guard.

 

“Oh.. Daryl I love you too... So much.” Pushing herself up on her toes she rests her palms against his face and kisses him. “It’s been almost a year since I met you out there in the woods… where would I be without you?” 

 

“Awe com’on now! Thought ya was getting ready fer the inspection? Ain’t time fer baths n’ smooching!”

 

Merle. Of course.

 

She leaves the two of them bickering in the bathroom and makes her way out of the cabin. It’s situated so that the sun rises in the front and sets in the back and she can see how the early morning light is going to come in through the windows and fall across the floors. Hardwood. That’s what Daryl wanted and although she’s asked for a few things, she’s leaving this up to him.

 

She had a house she grew up in, with a porch that she escaped to when being inside was too much and stairs that had one step that squeaked. She had her own bedroom that was her sanctuary for a very long time, where she laughed and cried and dreamed. That house is ingrained in her memory, it’s part of who she is. 

 

Daryl never had that. So this is for him. She wants to see what he does with it all. How he envisions the place they’ll spend the rest of their lives together. That means more to her than picking out windows or deciding where the fireplace will be. And she has complete faith in him. It’ll be beautiful. It already is.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth’s a distraction even when she isn’t with him. He finds himself wondering what she’s doing and when she’s coming back out here. It’s almost lunchtime and maybe if things get done he can go up to the apartment and eat with her there. She makes his lunch every day. And then has dinner waiting for him. Sometimes it’s take-out but most of the time she cooks. Simple little meals that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of eating as long as she’s eating with him.

 

“Think your inspector is here,” Abe says coming to stand by Daryl on the porch. A small pickup truck is coming towards them and when he parks and gets out the man waves to them. He’s dressed in jeans and a t-shirt which makes Daryl feel less nervous. The other guy wore a suit. He is carrying the regulation clipboard though.

 

“Hi, Daryl? Daryl Dixon.” Daryl immediately likes the fact that this man didn’t refer to him as Mr. Dixon. It makes him think of his old man and he doesn't even want to associate himself with those memories. It’s a whole different thing when it’s coming from Beth. For a bunch of reasons, reasons he likes.

 

“Yeah thas’ me.” Daryl meets him halfway and they shake hands.

 

“I’m Aaron Michaels. Call me Aaron. I’m here to do a few inspections.”

 

The entire inspection took about three hours but it didn’t feel like it. Aaron did find a couple of minor discrepancies which Abe took care of even before Aaron finished. And he encouraged Daryl to ask questions if he had any. He made Daryl feel like he was part of the process.

 

“And that’s it, we’re done.”

 

“Yeah? Wasn’ too bad.” Daryl says hands in his pockets. He likes Aaron. He gets a good feeling about the man.

 

“No, it wasn’t. You’re all doing a great job paying attention to detail.”

 

“That’s on him,” Abe says pointing at Daryl. “Don’t get me wrong I like to do things right, but this guy, ya’d think he’s building a castle for his princess!”

 

“Is this going to be your family home, Daryl?” Aaron asks. Family home, he likes the sound of that. Nodding he glances towards the apartment.

 

“Yeah, my fiance and I. My brother lives in the other house,” Daryl says not feeling a bit of the usual discomfort he feels when he shares personal things with strangers. The fact is Aaron doesn’t feel like a stranger.

 

“So it kind of is like your building your princess a castle huh?” Aaron says raising his eyebrows. Daryl laughs and nods. The princess in question happens to be walking their way and suddenly it’s very important that he introduce Beth to this man. 

 

“Hi, am I interrupting?” Her goddamn smile… 

 

“Nope,” he reaches out and takes her hand. “Beth this is Aaron, the inspector. Aaron this is Beth, the princess.” 

 

“Nice to meet you, Beth, “ Aaron says taking her hand. “You’ll be happy to know your castle has passed all the required inspections.” Beth looks completely confused as she glances back and forth between the two of them.

 

“I, um, I’m not sure what’s going on but I’m really happy to hear that!” 

 

“Wha’ ‘bout the coupla things…”

 

“Abe already took care of them so we're just gonna pretend they were never there in the first place,” Aaron says and Daryl just nods touched at his generosity.

 

“Can I get you a water or some watermelon Aaron?” Beth asks.

 

“Oh no, no I need to get back to the office and file these permits but I do have a confession, Daryl.”

 

“Oh?” Daryl can’t imagine what it could be and he’s curious because Aaron is blushing a bit.

 

“I know of your work. Paula is one of my neighbors and well my partner went on and on about the technique the contractor used on her floors and countertops, how it was truly art. I finally went and saw for myself. And I have to say it was impressive. Of course, we saw the restaurant too and when Eric found out I was inspecting a job you’re doing he made me promise to get a business card. He seems to think we can afford to have something done in our house.” Aaron laughs lightly. 

 

“Ain’t got a card yet but I can give ya my number. ‘M sure we can work somethin’ out. Ain’t really art…”

 

“It is too! He’s very talented. I mean I’m biased but…” Beth’s cheeks are pink and Daryl feels a blush on his own face. But it feels good. It feels good to be complimented by Aaron and Beth won’t ever let him sell himself short.

 

“I see a lot of construction and it’s definitely beautiful custom work,” Aaron says.

 

A car coming down the drive gets their attention. It’s a cruiser. Rick’s. Daryl doesn’t know why he feels the need to explain, but he does.

 

“He’s a good buddy a mine.”

 

“Hey, Beth, Daryl... I’ve been trying to get a hold of you guys. Maggie was taken by ambulance into Atlanta. Sounds like they might be doing an emergency delivery. I can’t find your dad either Beth.”

 

“Oh! The babies aren’t due until the end of July. That’s two months... I think my daddy had a couple of home visits today. Amy wasn’t at the house?” Beth asks her voice breaking a little. No one else would notice, but Daryl does.

 

“It was Amy that called me. She followed the ambulance with Glenn.” Rick nods at Merle as he walks up to them. 

 

“Oh no… I’ll get my phone, I have to…” Daryl reaches for her hand again, makes her stop and look at him.

 

“Get whatever ya need. I’ll take ya, we’ll go check on her.” When she nods he lets her go and looks at Rick. “Thanks, fer coming out here man. Ya know anythin’ else?” 

 

“Just that she went into labor and one baby was showing signs of distress which is normal so don't worry about that Beth.” Rick pats her on the shoulder. “I got another call. Get a hold of your daddy and head into Emory Hospital. That’s where Maggie is.” Rick heads back to his cruiser where the radio is crackling with sound.

 

“For the record, I’m a twin and a premie. My sister and I came a month and a half early a long time ago. We’re both healthy adults now.” Aaron says and again Daryl feels only gratitude for this man.

 

“There anythin’ else ya need from me, I..”

 

“No, you’re good! Go. Abe can sign off on it unless, I mean, for nostalgic purposes…”

 

“Yes.. sign it Daryl. You have too,” Beth rests her hand on his arm. The very arm she teases him about. His girl. Their castle. She doesn't leave his side until his signature is on the form and Aaron hands him a copy.

 

“I’ll meet you upstairs ok?” He nods and takes a second just to look in her eyes, make sure she’s good. And then she’s gone. Waving over her shoulder.

 

“Thank you, Aaron! I hope to see you again!”

 

“Go on brother. We got this. Gimme a call and lemme know how it’s going.” Merle claps him on the shoulder and sends him on his way.

 

Beth’s waiting in the apartment and she’s got his lunch packed up in a bag.

 

“Girl ya didn’ have ta- Com’ere.” Pulling her close, he presses his lips to her forehead. “How the hell would I ever get by without ya? Yer my princess…”

 

“Yeah what was that all about? Princess, castle…”

 

“I ‘ unno... Might have ta believe in them fairytales after all.” She does her best to wrap her arms around him and he can hear her little sniffles. “Les’ go see yer sister.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

By the time they get to the hospital, the babies have been delivered by emergency c-section. Oliver and Elle. 3.5 lbs and 3.2 lbs respectively. At 16 inches in length, they’re tiny. Elle is breathing on her own but Oliver needs a little help so, for now, he’s intubated. 

 

Beth is heartbroken that she can’t get any closer than outside a window looking into the NICU, but she understands. It’s for the babies protection. All of them. Oliver and Elle aren’t the only preemies in the nursery. They are however the only set of twins. 

 

“They’re so damn small!” Daryl marvels but she can hear the question in his voice. How will babies that little ever survive? Looking at them makes it even harder to imagine anything happening. She loves them already and she hasn’t even held them.

 

“They’re strong just look at them, Daryl!” Elle’s face is scrunched up and she’s stretching and swinging a fist around. She keeps bopping Oliver on the head with it. Oliver’s eyes are open and there’s a solemn look on his tiny face.

 

“He looks like his daddy.” The daddy in question is standing beside the isolette listening to the nurse explain something. When he sees Beth and Daryl he gives a small wave and comes out to join them.

 

“They wanna separate them. They say Elle’s too fidgety and they’re concerned she might pull out Oliver’s oxygen. Maggie’s gonna have a fit if they do that.” Glenn says mournfully. Just about that time one of the nurses comes out. 

 

“Mr. Rhee, for now, we are going to tape your son's oxygen tubes to his cheeks, just a little tape. That way we can keep them together.” The nurse smiles at Beth and Daryl. “Every time we take Elle out she howls like we’re poking her.” The nurse breezes back into the NICU and Glenn follows. Beth hears Daryl mumble under his breath.

 

“Girl takes after her mama.” She leans into him giggling. 

 

“I think you’re right.” They watch for a few minutes longer as the nurses take care of Oliver’s oxygen and Elle finally calms down. She turns her head so it looks like she’s resting it on Oliver’s shoulder and she falls asleep. Glenn gives them the thumbs up and Beth breathes a sigh of relief.

 

“We better go find yer sister.” She knows Daryl’s right. Wherever she is, Maggie’s alone right now and Beth imagines she’s worried to death. Hand in hand they head in the direction the nurse pointed.

 

“Here it is…” Daryl’s looking at her with a strange expression on his face. “Daryl? What is it?”

 

“Still think ya wanna do this... I mean someday. What if…” This kind of makes the things they’ve talked about, having a family, a baby, more of a reality. And it’s scary. Maybe even more so for him.     

 

“We can’t worry about that. And we don’t have to right now. But yeah I still wanna, if you do.” She knows she’s putting a lot of pressure on him but there’s no hurry. In fact, she’d be fine giving it three or four years before they even try. He’d agreed with that too. As long as it’s before he turns forty, that’s what he’d said.

 

“Okay, but I don’t wanna do it like this. Gotta make sure our kid comes on time. Even late. None a this early crap. I could hold them babies in my hands, Beth!” He’s whispering as they stand outside Maggie’s door but it’s loud whispering and it’s incredibly sweet listening to Daryl talk about having babies.

 

“I don’t think we have much say, but I’m not worried. It’s gonna be like everything else we do together Daryl. It’s gonna be perfect.” Reaching up and brushing his hair from his eyes she smiles at the little frown he’s wearing. It melts away under her gaze and he shrugs.

 

“Alright..” The minute they walk in the door Maggie launches into a lecture about answering the phone and she’s even swinging her arm around and it pisses her off, even more, when Beth starts laughing.

 

“What? What Beth?” For just giving birth to twins Maggie is full of energy.

 

“Wait til you meet your daughter Maggie.” That even gets a smile out of Daryl.

 

Hershel shows up and stays in the waiting room with the little girls so Amy can see for herself that Maggie’s fine and the babies are fine before she heads home to get dinner. When their daddy comes into the room Maggie starts in on him about answering the phone but doesn’t get time to get worked up because Hershel holds up a hand.

 

“Margret I just spent the day delivering piglets. Three litters and then I quickly cleaned up and drove all the way here-”

 

“Daddy you drove yourself?” Beth asks, impressed. But Maggie’s bawling now and apologizing and about that time a nurse comes in pushing a wheelchair.

 

“Maggie, would you like to see your babies?” This shuts her up for a second, long enough for her to wipe her face.

 

“Yes, yes… this is my daddy. Can he come?”

 

“We allow grandparents into the NICU too so he’s welcome to come.” The nurse must have seen the disappointment on Beth’s face because she explains that the rest of the family will be able to go in within a day or two. Besides her daddy’s face had lit up and he’d driven himself all the way here.

 

Beth gave them both hugs, promised Maggie she’d be back and then followed Daryl out into the hall.

 

“This has kind of been a crazy day. I think I’m ready to go home and lay on the couch with you Daryl.” He puts an arm around her as they walk.

 

“Naked?” he asks hopefully. Laughing she slides an arm around his waist.

 

“That all you think about Mr. Dixon?”

 

“Yeah… mostly.” He gives her a little one-sided grin as he holds the door for her. The lights in the parking lot are on and the sky is turning colors as afternoon fades into evening. He takes the on-ramp to the interstate as her phone vibrates in her lap. It’s a text from Glenn. Pictures of the twins. Elle and her fist and Oliver and his serious eyes.

  
  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth came home and curled up on the couch like she said she wanted to and Daryl sat down with her but he wasn’t content. An idea started forming in his head on the drive home and it’s all he can think about so he decides to go with it. He has a feeling she’s gonna like it more than sitting on the couch.

 

He feels her eyes follow him as he heads into the kitchen. Grabbing two bottles of beer out of the fridge and the blanket off the back of the couch he walks over to the door. She’s still on the couch but she's sitting up now looking at him. 

 

“Com’on, les’ go see what the sunset looks like from our bedroom window.”

 

He was right she likes it more.

 

They’re just in time even though there was no rush. Summer sunsets seem to last forever. The windows at the back of the cabin are lit up orange and gold and the light falls across the floors and walls- just like he hoped it would when he pictured it in his head.

 

He hears the intake of breath as she leans against the cut out in the wall. Tomorrow the windows are coming but tonight there’s nothing between them and the soft breeze and fading light.

 

“Don’t you think it’s beautiful Daryl?” she whispers looking back over her shoulder at him. The sunset is in her hair, gold flashing on the blonde ponytail that curls over her collarbone. 

 

He thinks she’s beautiful. She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

 

And then she’s laughing and pulling her t-shirt over her head, kicking off her converse and letting her shorts drop on the floor.

 

“Beth what are ya-”

 

“You wanted me naked- didn’t you?”

 

He did and she is and the colors dance across her skin as she snatches up the blanket and spreads it out in front of the window.

 

“Right here, this is where our bed will be. Then we can watch every sunset and sometimes the sunrise too.” All he can do is nod, he can’t move, can’t break the spell. She just needs wings and she’d be some kind of fairy come to tease him and trick him into doing her bidding.

 

She stretches out on the blanket and blinks up at him her blue eyes beckoning him. 

 

“Aren’t you gonna join me?” He grunts in agreement and fumbles with his belt buckle while simultaneously trying to toe off his boots. He gets down to his boxers before he glances at her. She’s watching him and they’ve done this hundreds of times and he’s not really self-conscious anymore about being completely naked in front of her… 

 

But. 

 

It’s the parts of him that don’t show that she sees yet loves him regardless that catch and hold him sometimes. How he got here with her is a mystery, one he’ll never unravel. But the how no longer matters all that much. Maybe she’s rubbing off on him because sometimes he finds himself thinking in terms of fate and destiny and he has to shake his head and come back down to reality.

 

And the reality is he’s got a girl and he loves her more… more than anything, more than everything.

 

He’s barely on the floor before she’s got her arms around his neck pulling him down to her.

 

“Make love to me Daryl... Make love to me right here where we’re gonna put our bed… I want you too, I want…” He covers her mouth with his, tastes her as he reaches behind her and pulls the band from her hair before the sun disappears and takes the gold that lights her up. He breaks the kiss long enough to spread her hair around her head and then he sinks down with her aching for the feel of her hands on his back and in his hair.

 

He’s already hard. And she’s squirming around to get underneath him completely, one leg wrapped around his waist and her hand between them. She knows exactly how to touch him, make him helpless. Groaning he thrusts into her hand his cock weeping precome. Bracing himself on one elbow he skims a hand down her belly feeling her shiver as his fingers tease, nudge her pussy lips apart and dip inside. He slides his fingers in and out, his thumb applying gentle pressure on her clit and when his lips move from her mouth to a tight nipple her hand falls away from his cock and she bucks her body up against what he’s doing to her.

 

“Daryl… Daryl… don’t stop, don’t…” He can feel her flutter around his fingers and she’s so wet, then everything in her clenches tighter and tighter, she’s close. He knows this, knows her body. He wants to see her face, watch her while she comes.

 

“Look at me, wanna watch you come...” he says huskily. He uses the pad of his thumb, rough from working with his hands to circle her sensitive clit. And her body sings for him. Arching her back she shudders one last time and he slides an arm behind her easing her back down on the blanket.

 

“Oh my god… that was… so good Daryl, you’re so good,” she’s murmuring her body still trembling.

 

His fingers are shining with her slick and he runs one over her lips before putting them in his own mouth and licking them clean. His eyes never leave hers, he watches the tip of her tongue on her lips and groans when he feels her hand on his cock again.

 

“Are you gonna fuck me?” 

 

“Jesus Beth…” He nods and gets on his knees, sinks back on his heels and reaches for her hand. His cock juts up from between his legs as she straddles him. Sliding his hands around her waist he leans in and kisses her sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and tugging on it gently with his teeth. “You put it in..” he breathes. She gets ahold of him and strokes him a few more times before raising her hips and guiding him into her. She sighs as she sinks down onto him, her walls stretching around his cock.

 

Wrapping his arms around her he thrusts up into her and she gets her hands in his hair and her lips against his ear and it doesn’t take him long when she starts whispering to him.

 

“Make me come again Daryl, I wanna come with you… please…” The sensation of her warm breath, her begging him to make her come, not to mention how good it feels to be buried deep inside her, he almost comes before he slides his hand between them and finds her clit. Then he lets go and when he comes his orgasm slams into him and he moans thickly as his head drops to her shoulder. He can feel himself pulsing inside of her tight wet heat. She’s right there with him, hands lose in his hair, her body limp against his.

 

“Beth, Beth…” Her name over and over again, his body is singing to her the only way it knows how. Running his hands up and down her back he feels the muscles there stretched hard along delicate bones. They way they move with her, with them. She's strong and right now it feels like she’s holding him up.

 

HIs quads are burning and he has to move. She seems to sense this and she slides off of him back down to the blanket. He reaches for his t-shirt and sets it beside her as he grabs the beers. Stretching out on his stomach he opens one for her, the other for him.

 

“Yer gonna kill me girl…” he rasps as he takes a long drink of the beer. 

 

“Me? Do you have any idea what you do? How you… every time it’s different and the same and I always want to be like this.” Her voice softens and she reaches for his arm and scoots under it, against him. “Promise me, Daryl,” she whispers pressing kisses to his chest. Course he’s gonna promise her. Anything. 

 

“Cause I am the princess and this is my castle... “ Giggling she reaches for her beer.

 

“Drink yer beer and hush…” 

 

It’s long after sundown before they head back to the apartment. He’s shirtless and his jeans aren’t even buttoned and she’s threatening to ‘jump his bones’ the minute they get in the house cause he looks so good.

 

“Stop…” he growls. 

 

“I can’t. I love you too much to ever stop…” she sings and he hopes she never stops. He’ll endure it all forever. For her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth’s pushing a cart down the aisle at Kroger. Instead of doing this on her own she has Claire peeling cuties in the cart and Daryl and Abbi deep in conversation behind her. She’s scanning the shelves for what she needs but she’s also paying attention to what they’re talking about.

 

Abbi had asked Daryl to carry her when they first walked into the store. Which wasn’t surprising. The little girl is Daryl’s shadow whenever the two of them are together. She’s tiny in his arms and those wings- she wears them all the time. She’s also decided she likes cowgirl boots like her aunt and horses too.

 

“Gonna wear them wings forever?” Beth hears Daryl ask.

 

“Mama says I can’t wear ‘em to Kindergarten.”

 

“Prolly not.”

 

“Papa Hershel was gonna teach me to ride and then if I let my wings go he was gonna get me a horse. But-” Beth hears the little sigh Abbi makes.

 

“But wha’?” Daryl asks.

 

“Nellie went to heaven with the grandma.” She’s whispering and Beth has to slow down so she can hear.

 

“Why ya whisperin’?”

 

“Cause it might make Auntie Beth sad.” Tears sting hotly at the back of Beth’s eyes. It does make her sad but the fact that Abbi imagines Nellie is in heaven with her mama- the grandma makes the sadness a little sweeter.

 

“Oh, yer right. Can’t be making my girl sad,” Daryl says and Abbi giggles. Beth hears a soft chuckle from Daryl too. He volunteered to come help her shop but Beth knows for a fact that Daryl has a soft spot for Abbi.

 

“More!” Claire chimes holding up the orange peel. At only three she has mastered peeling cuties. Glenn taught her and they’re both very proud of the accomplishment.

 

“One more.” Beth stops to give Claire another orange and Abbi and Daryl catch up.

 

“I want you to be my daddy.” Beth holds her breath and continues walking, slowly so she can listen.

 

“Hey now, ya got a daddy,” Daryl says and Beth can hear the catch in his voice.

 

“He’s in the slammer,” Abbi sighs. Beth feels like she should say something but the fact that Abbi is even talking about her daddy is huge. She stopped talking about him months ago. But sometimes she dreams about him, talks in her sleep and even cries. That’s what Amy told her. So this might be a step in the right direction. 

 

“Who tol’ ya that?” Daryl’s tone is harsh, probably harsher than he intends and it definitely wasn't directed towards Abbi because she hears him again, “Hey, it’s ok, it’s alright Abbi.” Beth does turn to them then because something in Daryl’s voice let her know he needed a little help. Abbi’s head is on Daryl’s shoulder and he’s doing his best to pat her back over the little wings.

 

When she meets his eyes he looks at her like he’s at a loss at what to do or say.

 

“Abbi it’s okay to miss your daddy- even if he’s on a time out.” Beth tells. Abbi nods where her head is resting on Daryl’s shoulder.

 

“Is he gonna come home?” she asks in a very small voice. And Beth wants to say yes, yes her daddy is coming home. Because little girls need their daddy’s and that’s how it’s supposed to be. But life doesn’t always work that way.

 

“He has to follow the rules and behave himself and if he does that he’ll get to come home.” Beth isn’t entirely sure how to explain it in a way a five-year-old can understand. “And Uncle Daryl is going to be here for you until he does.” Beth smiles but Abbi looks alarmed and she raises her head and looks at Daryl.

 

“Are you leaving when he comes home?” The worry on her little face hurts Beth’s heart. People leave. Even when they shouldn’t, even when you aren’t ready.

 

“Nah- ain’t going nowhere. Still gonna be yer uncle.”

 

“Did you ever go to the slammer?”

 

“No. I never went there.” She pauses for a moment like she’s taking this information to heart.

 

“Cause you’re a good guy,” she seems to decide resting her little hand on his cheek. “I love you, Uncle Daryl.”

 

Daryl grunts in agreement and shifts the little girl in his arms clearly unprepared for all of this. And Beth can’t blame him at all. She has to turn away because of the tears in her eyes but she reaches out and takes his hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

“More!” Claire says.

 

Later that evening after dinner and baths and three stories, two of which Uncle Daryl had to read because he has the best monster voice, Abbi is asleep on the couch and Claire is in bed between Beth and Daryl.

 

Beth knows Daryl’s been mulling over the things Abbi said earlier. It’s probably all he thought about when he finally went back out to work on the cabin. She knows he feels inadequate when it comes to doing right by Abbi. 

 

He finally brings it up and it turns out it’s more than just Abbi that Daryl’s been thinking about.

 

“Why she wan’ me ta be her dad? I don’ know nothin’ ‘bout bein’... hell no one showed me how-”

 

“You’ve been here Daryl, you make her feel safe and you talk to her- everything a daddy should do. And I think it’s just natural to want to protect a child. It’s instinct.”

 

“My dad didn’ have none a them instincts.” Daryl is frowning as he looks at Claire curled up between them.

 

“Maybe somebody broke that in him or maybe it just didn’t happen like it should. But it didn’t break you. You are a good guy Daryl- and Abbi feels that.”

 

“But I ain’t doin’ nothin’,” he mumbles.

 

“You are... You’re here. She can count on that. When everything else in her world is uncertain and scary, just knowing she has you means something to her Daryl.” Beth smiles at him and reaches over Claire for his hand.

 

“What if I mess up, what if we have us a baby one day and I don’t do it right or-” There’s definitely a whole lot more to this than just Abbi.”

 

“You plan on running off and leaving me with a baby Dixon?” she asks.

 

“No! Hell no, I would never.. Beth ya can’t think I’d…”

 

“I don’t. Not for one second… but you must be worried about something?”

 

“I just- Abbi, and Claire and my nephews, them new babies… ‘s big deal. It matters and I don’t know, don’t wanna fuck up is all.”

 

“You won’t be alone. We’ll be doing it together.” She absolutely loves this man. He’s a diamond in the rough. He’s better than most men she knows and he’s right no one ever showed him how to be what he is. He just is.

 

“Sure ya wanna have a kid with me?” He’s smiling now, a little.

 

“You’re the only one…”

 

“Damn girl, ya always make me feel good. Com’ere.” Leaning over the little girl between them he kisses her softly. “I love ya..” 

 

“I love you too... “

 

“Uncle Daryl!” Daryl jerks back his face red like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Abbi is standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes. 

 

“Whas’ a matter?”

 

“I’m all by my lonesome, can I come in here?” Daryl looks at Beth and she smiles, lets him make the call.

 

“A’right, com’on.” Abbi shuffles over and Daryl helps her climb up into bed next to her sister.

 

“Better?” Beth whispers to her niece and Abbi nods eyes already closed. Kissing both little girls on the cheek she reaches over and turns off the light and settles on her pillow.

Daryl does the same but not before he looks over at her his brow furrowed.

 

“What?” she whispers.

 

“Yer all the way over there.” 

 

“I know.” It’s too far. And the things they talked about… she needs him as much as he needs her. Easing up off the bed she smiles at him. “Come on.” 

 

Their big bed may have been too crowded, but somehow this small couch that forces them to practically lay on top of each other is just enough room. Daryl pulls the blanket over them as she curls up against his chest.

 

“Better?” she asks.

 

“Mmhmm, ‘s perfect girl.” 

 

Like the bathtub, they fit.

  
  


****  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I ever going to leave this universe? **Can I just stay here forever? Their forever started at a funeral for a bird but their future is taking shape, a cabin and lots of talks about children, but they still can’t sleep without each other! I hope you enjoyed! Leave a note and let me know!**


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter about gave me a cavity! Lots of sweet fluff n’ stuff.**

 

 

Daryl’s standing on the porch when Merle comes walking up, a cup of coffee in his hand.

 

“Why the long face brother?”

 

Shoving his hands in his pockets he shrugs. He’s contemplating whether or not to tell Merle because it could go either way. His brother could be sympathetic to what he’s feeling or he could tease him for worrying so much.

 

“Don’t tell me... ‘S yer girl’s birthday and yer up ta yer eyeballs in concrete and countertops.” Merle takes a sip of his coffee and shakes his head.

 

“How the hell’d ya know?” Daryl grunts. Merle just laughs and takes another sip.

 

“Man I know when her birthday is. She’s practically one of my own! And I know how ya are about her and all this sentimental shit so I was thinking..”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Could have a barbecue here. Invite her daddy an Amy... I know it ain’t no romantic getaway but y’all got time fer that shit later.” Merle is watching him, gauging his reaction no doubt. And actually, it sounds like a good idea. Sure he’d like to take her somewhere just the two of them, but he’s building their house and she already said she didn’t need anything. 

 

“She’d like that. Sounds good ta me.” She said she didn’t need anything but he wasn’t going to just let the day go by without something. Merle just happened to have that something and his brother looks pleased.

 

“Alright then. I’ll get Carol on it. We got a delivery comin’ and concrete ta pour.” 

 

He can work all day and hang out with everyone later and then he can take Beth home and have her all to himself on her birthday for a little while. 

 

He kissed her for the first time a year ago.. on her birthday. He knew even before he kissed her that she was all he ever wanted for the rest of his life. But wanting and having are two very different things. Most of the time anyway… 

 

This time it all seems to be working out just like he hoped. Maybe even a little better. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth woke up to a text from Maggie. Underneath a picture of Elle and Oliver, it said ‘You can finally hold your niece and nephew tomorrow! Happy Birthday!’ The bed was empty next to her when she rolled over to show Daryl the picture. He’d gone out earlier that morning whispering happy birthday and telling her to sleep in. Which she did. She felt a little guilty though. Because it had become a sort of ritual for them to get up together and head out to the cabin.

 

Once she’s showered and dressed, she makes coffee for herself and fills a travel mug for Daryl. He’s probably already had at least a cup or two. But this is something else she does. And all of this, building their house together, being here every morning and every night, building a life together means more to her than anything else.

 

It’s only eight o’clock, but it’s already hot. Not just warm, but hot. She put on cut-offs and a tank top for just that reason. That and Daryl likes her cut-offs and she likes to tease him. He said she's a distraction and she’s promised to be good but she can still tease him a little. 

 

A delivery truck from one of the bigger home improvement stores is backed up to the house and there are a couple of guys unloading large boxes. The cabinets and countertops. Daryl had apologized numerous times last night for this. So much so she finally had to tell him to stop.

 

“We don’t have to go anywhere or do anything special Daryl… there’s so much to do here-”

 

“ ‘S yer birthday. ‘S important.- gonna make sure we remember all of it, birthdays and anniversaries. Hell, I don’t even know when my parents were married, my dad never gave my ma nothing but bruises- and last year you was here and all I gave ya was a card…”

 

That’s what it had been about. More than just going somewhere. Everything he never got, he wants to have it and give it and she won’t deny him that. Not ever. 

 

“I just wanna be with you, it doesn’t matter where,” she’d whispered cupping his face in her hands. “ But we can make dinner together, or go for a walk in the woods. We have so many more birthdays to celebrate, so many-”

 

“First kisses?” That’s what got her. Their first kiss had been right here in this apartment on her birthday a year ago.

 

And he remembered. 

 

Beth is headed towards the house when it happens. A guy walks from around the side of the delivery truck stops and stares at her. Blatantly. He looks a little older and maybe heavier but it’s the sound of his voice and the smile he’s wearing that has her teetering on the edge of a fine line she thought she’d left behind.

 

“Beth!” The humid air is suffocating and she sucks in a breath as he walks towards her.

 

Jimmy. 

 

She’s afraid to look away from him as if in doing so he might snatch her up and pull her back through that little wormhole that sometimes opens up and gives her glimpses of the past. They’re never the pretty parts either. Only the painful ones, the ones that cut deep and leave scars. 

 

She has a visible reminder on her wrist covered by a couple of beaded bracelets and a very worn leather cuff. He’s not the cause but he’s a part of the past, a reminder.

 

And now he’s standing here staring at her and she supposes saying nothing would be worse than trying to fake some kind of normalcy. But she’s feeling far from normal at the moment. 

 

“Uh, hi Jimmy.” Movement in her peripheral vision catches her attention and she looks over Jimmy’s shoulder to find Daryl staring at her from the porch. He sees something in her face, she knows this because she knows him. He comes down the steps slowly, eyes on her. And his voice is in her head, Ya got this girl.

 

“I didn’t know- wow, I mean how are you?” Jimmy asks. His expression is half curiosity, half pity. 

 

She doesn’t need his pity. She absolutely does not want his pity. She’s not that girl anymore. She’s strong. She’s come a long way from where she was and it’s going to take more than her high school boyfriend to take that all away. She can do this. And she doesn’t even have to fake it.

 

Glancing at Daryl again as he walks towards her she smiles at Jimmy. 

 

“I’m good, really good. How have you been?” There’s a subtle change on Jimmy’s face, just a flicker like maybe he doubts her. Could be it’s all in her head. He’s not here to make her feel anything. He never was. Back then he was a teenage boy acting like a teenage boy, and right or wrong, it was what it was. 

 

The man that comes up beside her, his blue eyes steely as he glances in Jimmy’s direction, he doesn’t doubt her. At all. 

 

He’s the one that kept telling her she was strong, still tells her when she needs to hear it. Because sometimes she does. Sometimes she forgets she’s not the broken girl she once was. 

 

“Hey, there a problem?” Daryl asks as he rests a hand against the small of her back. Reassurance in his touch. Like a warm blanket when she’s cold or his arms when she’s feeling lost.

 

“No, not at all. This is Jimmy, we went to school together. Jimmy this is Daryl, my fiance.” Jimmy doesn’t know all that Daryl knows but if she had to guess she’d bet he’s wondering. 

 

“Daryl, nice to meet you.” He holds out his hand and when Daryl doesn’t take it he hesitates for a second before pulling it back.  “I uh, I better get back. Good to see you, Beth,” he says as he turns and heads towards the truck and his coworkers. 

 

Daryl turns to her and the hand that was on her back is pressed against the side of her neck, thumb lightly skimming her jaw.

 

“Ya alright?” he asks softly but that steely look in his eyes is still there.

 

“I am now. I-” Swallowing she huffs out a frustrated breath. 

 

“Wha’ happened Beth? He say somethin’?”

 

“No, no. He caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting... “ To confront the past in the form of her ex-boyfriend, not here in the front yard of her and Daryl’s future home. But there’s always going to be reminders and some will be sweet and soft and others are going to be hard to swallow because the memories attached to them hurt. “I’m okay. I kinda felt like I wanted to just turn and run, but I didn’t.” His eyes soften as she speaks and he slides his hand up into her hair.

 

“Cause yer fuckin’ strong girl. Ain’t gonna let some punk ass boy take that away.” Nodding she smiles up at him. “Wan’ me ta go kick his ass?” He says in a teasing way but if she gave him any indication…

 

He’s got her back, he’s her champion, her knight in shining armor. 

 

But.

 

If the tables were turned and she needed to be the one carrying the sword he might grumble a little but he’d let her save him too.

 

“Wanna see yer kitchen?” he whispers.

 

“My kitchen? Does that mean I’m doing all the cooking?” Taking his hand they walk towards the cabin.

 

“Nah, we do that shit together.” 

 

“Cause we’re a team, Dixon.”

 

“Mmmhmm, best one yet.” She wants to kiss him, wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him with everything in her that he makes sing. But they aren’t alone and sometimes that doesn’t matter, but this time it does. So she’ll save the kiss for later and instead she’ll lean in close to him and whisper,

 

“I love you, Daryl…”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl is taking another walk around the counters where he’s poured concrete into the forms. He’s his own worst critic. And it’s not like he can do much now anyway. Maybe smooth out an air bubble if it rises to the surface. Other than that until they’re set and dry there’s nothing left to do. Merle and Abe are installing the bathroom cabinets and Sophia is cleaning windows. Which will most likely get dusty again but she was so damn eager to help that Daryl couldn’t tell no.

 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. When he pulls it out he sees Amy’s name on the screen.

 

“Hello?” 

 

_ -Uncle Daryl! Can you come over? I got a horse, papa Hershel got me Beans an can you come see her? And bring Auntie Beth cause we got something to show her an- _

 

Abbi is breathless and going on about a horse and Daryl can’t help but smile. He knows about the horse. They’d been over for dinner one evening last week and Hershel had asked his opinion which made him feel things he can’t name. It had nothing to do with horses and more to do with Beth and how she might feel if there was another horse so soon after Nellie.

 

Daryl is aware that Hershel knows his daughter's heart to some extent. And he knows that Beth will accept Abbi’s horse with open arms because that’s just Beth’s nature and she’s excited to see the little girl following in her footsteps.

 

But it’s more than that. There isn’t just a horse. There are horses. Two. Daryl told Hershel what he thought and Hershel shook his head and smiled.

 

“I appreciate that.”

 

“Ain’t nothin’.” Daryl had shrugged. He’d just told the man what he thought was all. And what he thought specifically about protecting Beth’s heart in the wake of a new horse.

 

“Oh, but it is son.” This was a fairly new thing, Hershel addressing him as ‘son’ and it felt like the word didn’t quite fit but he let it be. Because maybe being someone's son was something he needed to get used to. “You become a father one day, you’ll understand. No man is good enough for your little girl- until one is.”

 

_ -Can you Uncle Daryl? Can you come right now? _

 

“RIght now? Suppose so. Lemme find yer aunt and we’ll come over.” The squeal that comes through the phone pierces his ear and even Sophia hears it.

 

“What was that?” she asks.

 

“Abbi got a horse, wants me and Beth ta come see it.”

 

“Really? Can I come too?” Of course, she wants to come. There’s something about horses and little girls, or just girls, in general, that’s one of life’s unsolvable mysteries. He hopes no one ever tries to come up with some scientific reason. Let it just be the magic that it is.

 

“Yeah, com’on. Better tell yer brothers too.” Knowing what’s waiting on the farm makes him a little anxious about doing this with an audience because no matter what he knows that it’s gonna hurt a little. His girl and her heart. There’s nothing he can do about it but be there.

 

Beth is with Carol moving a picnic table and she smiles when she looks up at him. 

 

“You didn’t tell me we were having a barbecue!” Her eyes are sparkling and she’s so damn easy. A simple barbecue and she’s smiling at him like it’s a ball fit for a princess.

 

“I can’t take credit for it. Was Merle who brought it up.” But he will accept the hug and kiss she gives him.

 

“But you were in on it so…” 

 

“We gotta go over ta the farm for a bit,” he says bringing his thumb up to his mouth as a little ball of anxiety starts rolling around in his gut.

 

“Oh? How come?” She might be mildly concerned and he doesn't want her worrying the whole way there so he’s gonna tell her most of the truth.

 

“Yer dad got Abbi a horse. Girl called me up asking please can ya come an see and bring my auntie…” Beth laughs at his imitation of Abbi and the sparkle in her eye is still there.

 

“Can you take a break and go? Cause if you’re busy...” 

 

“I got time.” He does but even if he didn’t he’d make time. Some things are more important than sticking to a schedule.

 

Sophia comes running out of the house followed by the twins and Daryl decides that walking is what he wants to do. They haven’t had much time to walk in the woods and they’ve got all the kids anyway. And maybe it will calm his nerves.

 

“Wanna walk over?” he asks Beth and before she can even answer the boys are yelling yes. So it’s decided. They’re walking. Waving at Carol and promising to come back and help they head into the woods.

 

“I bet Abbi is so excited! The couple of times we got to ride Nellie she was a natural. She’s gonna love it… her own horse....” she pauses and looks ahead where the kids are. “Nellie was my best friend for years.” Her voice changes when she mentions Nellie. He never had a pet. It probably wouldn’t have survived in his house anyway. But he can’t imagine loving something for so long and losing it. Well maybe he can now, but he doesn’t even want to go there. He gives her hand a squeeze.

 

“Ya gonna be okay? With a new horse?” Daryl asks quietly. The boys are running ahead looking for sticks and rocks and all the things that hold magic for kids in the woods. Sophia is collecting flowers and reprimanding her brothers every now and then.

 

“Yeah, I mean I miss Nellie but it was her time. And we can’t not have another horse, I mean I might even want one someday.” Daryl had already planned for a barn and an arena and he talked to Beth about it and she’d said then that another horse wasn’t out of the question. 

 

So maybe what’s coming won’t be so bad.

 

As they leave the trees behind and come up beside the barn, Abbi spots them and runs in their direction. She’s got on her cowgirl boots. Not cowboy as Daryl once mistakenly referred to them. Cowgirl because they’re pink. She’s also still wearing her wings which have become as much a part of her as her smile.

 

“I got a horse guys! A real one!” The boys follow her over to the pasture where Amy and Hershel are leaning on the fence. 

 

Daryl sees the other horse standing back a bit it’s nose in the grass. It’s a smaller horse and its yellow with a white mane. He knows there’s a name for the type of horse it is but he doesn’t remember what Hershel said. If Beth has noticed it yet she’s not letting on.

 

“Happy Birthday Bethy,” Hershel says reaching out to hug Beth.

 

“Thank you, daddy. You’re coming over for the barbecue later right?”

 

“Yes, I’ll be there.”

 

“Good.” Daryl has watched the interactions between Beth and her dad. They’ve changed over the last few months. Beth seems to trust her dad more and it shows. People can heal. They can overcome some pretty horrible things and still come out somewhat whole on the other side. He’s proof of that. Although he owes some of that wholeness to her.

 

“Auntie Beth do you like her? Do you like my horse? Her name is Beans cause she’s a pinto!” Abbi has a hold of her hand and Daryl watches as they go into the pasture and up to Beans who’s wearing a halter and reins.

 

Amy follows behind them and Daryl sees the moment that Beth notices the other horse. She glances over at it and then back at her niece who is talking animatedly about what she's already done. When Amy lifts Abbi up onto Beans and leads her off Beth looks at the other horse again and then back at her dad.

 

“Who’s the other little guy?” she asks and Hershel glances at Daryl and walks into the pasture and over to Beth.

 

The two horses were a package deal and at first, Hershel thought he’d give Beth the little filly for her birthday. That’s why he’d called Daryl to get his opinion. Daryl hadn’t agreed with him and when he told Hershel why the other man had respected his feelings and right now he’s out there telling Beth about the horse and doing what Daryl thought was best.

 

Cause he’s gonna protect her, won’t let anyone hurt her. Ever.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth saw the young horse even before they got to the yard. She saw it and she knew something was up with Daryl because he wasn't acting like himself. Something was bothering him.

 

Of course, the first thing she thought was maybe Daryl had got the horse for her. He’d been asking questions and they talked about the barn and arena they were going to build at their house.

 

But it didn’t feel right. She just lost Nellie. There’s no way Daryl would even think that a horse would be a good idea right now. No one else had said anything about the little horse, not even Abbi. It stood back away from all of them nibbling on the grass at its feet and watching.

 

A golden palomino. She knew the name because when she was little she’d had posters on her walls of all kinds of horses and this particular quarter horse had been one of her favorites because it was blonde like her and her mama.

 

Her daddy comes up beside her and hands her an apple slice. 

 

“She seems to like these. Might take her a minute to come though. She’s a little skittish.” She. A filly. It’s impossible to tell by looking but Beth had had a feeling.

 

“She’s beautiful.”

 

“She came with Beans. That’s an awful name! But Abbi thought it was hilarious when her mama explained that pinto was a type of bean. This one doesn’t have a name yet. They just call her Girl.” 

 

Girl. That word alone means more to her than anyone even realizes.

 

“Com’ere girl. I got something sweet for you.” Beth keeps her voice soft and takes a step in the direction of the filly. She stops to give the horse time to decide if she’s going to run off or wait.

 

“The family that I got Beans from had another horse. That was this little girl’s mother. But she died giving birth and the family hired someone to bottle feed her.”

 

“Hired?” Why didn’t they do it themselves? Give the foal someone to bond with.

 

“She’s been a handful from the moment she was born. She attached herself to Beans and no one has really tried to work with her. They’ve tried separating them but I guess she would get so worked up it started to bother Beans too. So they just gave up and left the two of them alone.”

 

“She’s young, there’s still so much that can be done for her.”

 

“Yes. All she needs is a loving hand to guide her. Someone who won’t give up on her and just push her aside. When I saw her I thought of you. That blonde mane and all the posters you used to have up on your walls.” He chuckles softly. Beth glances over at him and his face sobers.

 

“I was watching. I did notice. I just… I didn’t do all I should have.”

 

“I know daddy. It happened and we can’t change it but I think we’re doing good now. We’re making it better.”

 

“Yes, we are. But it was you, you took the first steps towards healing us. I guess I kind of thought of that too when I saw this little gal.” The filly has decided that the apple in Beth’s hand is worth investigating and when she gets close enough Beth rubs her soft nose. She tolerates for a minute before backing off again.

 

Beth can hear her niece laughing and when she looks over at Abbi up on Beans it’s like looking at a picture of herself. She’s hollering at ‘Uncle Daryl’ to look at her. But Uncle Daryl is looking at Beth.

 

“I’ll be honest with you Beth. I was going to give her to you as a gift. I asked Daryl what he thought and he didn’t agree. He said if I did that you’d have to accept it and it’s too soon for you to know what you want to do. It has to be your choice.”

 

“Oh.. I-” She has to stop and breathe for a minute. And she has to look over at him leaning against the fence watching her, watching out for her. That’s what his nervousness was all about. And the questions about being ready to see another horse on the farm… it was all because he wanted to make sure she was okay.

 

He’s right. It is too soon.

 

Will the day ever come when her heart doesn’t ache at how much he loves her, how he’s keeping that promise he made to protect her?  He’s not wearing his vest right now but those angel wings are there anyway. For her. His hair is in his eyes but she knows he’s looking at her. Leaning there chewing on his thumbnail making her heart beat fast. 

 

“I think- I..”

 

“You don’t have to say anything or do anything right now Beth. She’s here and we’re going to take care of her. Otis is still up for working with horses and I’ve still got some fight left in me so let’s leave it at that for now.” Feeling overwhelmed and kind of at a loss all she can do is nod and then her daddy is walking away and Daryl is coming over to her.

 

“What did you do?” she asks softly as he approaches and the smile he was wearing falters.

 

“Beth I didn’, I don’t….” But before he can say anything else she slips her arms up around his neck and lays her cheek against his.

 

“I’ve never felt so loved… Daryl- you… you just… everything you do. You’re always looking out for me.”

 

“Yer my girl‘s my job. Toldja I was gonna protect ya. Meant it.” His voice is rough and it vibrates through her body, a different kind of music, but music just the same. At least that’s how she feels. “Lookit, she’s coming back. Here I brought some more…” Pushing a couple of apple slices into her hand he brushes the hair back from his eyes. 

 

“I don’t know what I want to do right now with this. But I want to come help and watch Abbi learn to ride. At least I know this little one will be loved here.”

 

“Mmmhmm. Whas’ her name?” Beth giggles a little then looks at him.

 

“Girl.” Daryl looks surprised and then he smiles that crooked smile that she loves so much and shakes his head.

 

“Nah, gonna have ta change that. ‘S yer name.” He calls others ‘girl’ but she knows that when he says it to her it means something more.

 

“Okay, what should we name her?”

 

“Us?”

 

“Do you want her to end up as cheese or bread? Cause Abbi thinks Beans is hilarious.” 

 

“Yer right. What about them flowers, the ones Sophia was picking, they turn inta them wishing flowers?” He reaches out and strokes the little horse's nose.

 

“Dandelions?” Beth kneels beside her and runs a hand along her flank. The horse shivers but doesn't take off.

 

“Yeah, them. Kind looks like one with that blonde mane.” 

 

“I love that!” Shrugging he holds out another apple slice. “Good girl Dandelion. You like that? That’s your name, Dandelion.”

 

“My girl talks ta horses,” he says.

 

“You love it! Admit it!” 

 

“I love you,” he says quietly. Wiping her hands on her cut-offs she stands up and slips a finger in his belt loop.

 

“And that makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl has never felt like he needed to come first in Beth’s life. Just being a part of it is more than he could have ever asked for. But today something shifted. Or maybe it’s been changing too like everything else and he just hasn’t noticed. At the farm, standing in the pasture with Beth and Dandelion, knowing that what had happened, how it all went down was because of him and what he wanted. 

 

He decided what needed to be done and Hershel respected his wishes and Beth- she doesn’t even realize that he’s never felt so loved either. Or maybe she does and that’s why she never lets him forget.

 

It‘s been him and her for a while now but today it was real. It is real. 

 

Maybe he’s a little buzzed. There’s beer and good food and a chocolate cake. And Beth is smiling and dancing with her nieces and his nephews because Merle brought out his old boom box, a relic from the past that Daryl can’t believe he still has and it’s tuned to a classic rock station. Every song that comes on is one either he, Rick or Merle remembers and Merle and Rick are trying to outdo each other with stories about what they were doing when a certain song was playing. Half the time they get shut down by Carol or Michonne, reminded that there are children listening.

 

“Awe com’on! Ain’t y’all gonna let ‘em finish any a them stories? I wanna know where ya went with the lady in high heels!” Beau has definitely been listening.

 

“Go find your brother mister. It’s about time to go in.”

 

“Awe mama! Yer no fun! He’s pushing Abbi on the swings.”

 

“Go get him please.”

 

Beth has planted herself in Daryl’s lap and he’s had just enough to drink not to mind that her daddy's sitting just a few chairs over.

 

“What about you Daryl, don’t you have any stories?” Her breath is warm on his cheek and she smells like chocolate and a little like beer.

 

“Nope,” he says shaking his head. She huffs out a breath and he wonders if she tastes like chocolate, and what she would do if he kissed her right here in front of everyone.

 

“You sure? There’s got to be something-” There are stories but none like his brothers. Even Rick has wilder stories than Daryl.

 

“Got drunk to a lot of ‘em. Passed out, puked…” Beth makes a face and takes his hand and runs her fingers over the palm.

 

“No ladies in high heels?” Beth giggles.

 

“Nah. Once there was a girl, I can’t remember her shoes but Sweet Home Alabama was playing and she let me hold her hand. I tried to kiss her and she pushed me down and ran off to find her brothers. They came looking for me but Merle was there that time and he shut ‘em down.”

 

“How old were you?”

 

“I don’ know, maybe twelve or thirteen. Sophia’s age.” 

 

“Awe young love, “ Beth whispers drawing circles on his skin, making his whole body tingle.

 

“Wasn’t love, not then.”

 

“There were other times?” she asks interested all of a sudden.

 

“Well kinda, one other time. But there wasn’t no music. I kissed a girl in my kitchen when I didn’t have any ice ta put in her water.” He whispers this against her cheek.

 

“Daryl..” Her big blue eyes are soft and her mouth is so close but so is her daddy and he might have established himself as the man in Beth’s life but he won’t kiss her like he wants to kiss her right now. Not in front of her father.

 

“Tha’ time it was love.” 

 

“Let’s go home.” She’s tugging on his arm as she stands up.

 

“Right now?” He stands up too but he’s a little wobbly.

 

“Yes. Right-”

 

“Sofia!”

 

“Carl!” Merle and Rick are yelling for their oldest children. Daryl was so lost in Beth’s eyes he doesn’t have any idea what’s going on or why they’re all of a sudden worried about the kids.

 

“What happened?” Beth asks Michonne who’s got a sleeping baby in her arms.

 

“Those two disappeared. They were sitting on the picnic table and then- oh here they come.” Daryl glances in the direction Michonne is looking and sure enough, Carl and Sophia are walking around the side of the shop. 

 

“Where were you guys?” Carol asks.

 

“I was showing Carl Uncle Daryl’s cabin,” Sophia says in a small voice.

 

“It’s dark! What the hell can ya see in the dark?” Merle asks.

 

“We have flashlights dad!” Sophia stomps by him and heads into the house slamming the door behind her.

 

“Dammit, Carl I told you to stay by the house,” Rick says.

 

“Don’t yell at ‘em. I know ya got a good kid Rick. Ain’t I right Carl?” Merle can be menacing even when he’s being nice.

 

“Yes, sir.” Daryl bites his lip to keep from laughing at the little squeak that comes out of Carl.

 

“Go on out to the car,” Rick says shaking his head. “I’m not ready for teenagers!”

 

“Hell no not if they’re anythin’ like us!” Merle chuckles. 

 

They say their goodbyes and Hershel and Amy and two sleepy little girls follow behind them. Daryl and Beth help Merle with clean up while Carol herds the boys inside.

 

“Thank you, Merle. I think this was the best birthday I’ve ever had.” Beth says when they’re finished cleaning up. 

 

“Yeah well my baby brother was down in the dumps worrying, I had ta help out. ‘M glad ya enjoyed yerself. Go on up ta bed. We got plenty to do tomorrow.” 

 

“Thanks, brother,” Daryl says and he can see the smile on Merle’s face. It’s a good thing. All of it. 

 

“Ah go on now.” He doesn't need to be told twice. He follows Beth and when they get to the stairs he stops her.

 

“Ya think Carl tried ta kiss my niece?” he asks. He’s mildly concerned. But Carl is a good kid.

 

“No. But I think your niece probably kissed him.” He tries to wrap his brain around that as he follows her up the stairs. She’s wearing those cut offs though and the outdoor light is on and her sweet little ass is right in front of him and nothing else matters except getting his hands on it.

 

Once they’re inside she goes to the bathroom and flips on the light.

 

“Hey, com’ere for a second.” He’d come up earlier and put her gift and a card on the table. “I got ya somethin’.” Her eyes light up and she smiles as she sits down.

 

“Daryl you didn’t have to get me anything, I told you-” But he can tell she likes it. 

 

“I wanted to. Open it, go on.” He knew what he wanted, had it in his head but had no idea where to find it. So he went back and visited Sylvia. She’d had what needed before so there was a good possibility she’d be able to help him. She’d put in a special order with a friend and two weeks later he had exactly what he wanted.

 

The card is silly. There’s a bird on the front. It reminded him of the little bird they buried.

 

“Feliz Cumpleaños” She’s looking over at him her eyebrows raised.

 

“Wha’ the hell?” It’s in Spanish. How he missed that is beyond him. “Guess thas’ happy birthday in Spanish.” He can feel his cheeks reddened in embarrassment. She plucks the card from his hand and opens it and reads his note.

 

“Makes perfect sense. The bird does look like our bird. And I took my first year of Spanish last semester.” He just shakes his head and rests his forehead on the table. He hears the rustling of paper and raises his head. This he knows he got right.

 

She takes the lid off of the box and for a minute she just stares at it her head tilted over the little box.

 

“Oh.. Daryl! It’s beautiful... Suns and moons.” It’s a leather cuff. It’s thin and delicate. Soft, like it’s been worn but it’s brand new. Stamped into the rich brown leather are tiny moons and suns. Her fairytale. The one her mama gave her. She unsnaps the cuff she’s wearing and it falls on the table. He takes the cuff from her hand and he sees the tears in her eyes. Wrapping it around her wrist he snaps it closed. It fits perfectly. 

 

She climbs into his lap and his shoulder is wet with the tears she’s crying as she hugs him and whispers thank you. He does what he wanted to do when they were walking up the stairs, slides his hands over her ass and squeezes then gets a hold of her and stands up.

 

Lifting her up on the counter he steps between her legs. He reaches up and brushes her tears away with his thumb smiling at her. She’s beautiful even when she’s a mess.

 

With a finger under her chin, he tilts her face up. “Member when I kissed you on yer birthday last year? Right here...  I knew then I wanted ta kiss ya forever.” Leaning in he brushes his lips against hers, breathes her in, “Happy Birthday Beth…” he whispers gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. But it isn’t gentleness she wants as she fists his shirt and pulls him closer and he’s happy to comply opening his mouth over hers he kisses her like it’s all he can do. She does taste like chocolate and maybe a little like beer but ultimately she tastes like Beth. His girl, the one he loves and wants to go on kissing until he can’t kiss any longer.

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I don’t know if they made it into the bedroom or just stayed right there in the kitchen. Either way, we know it was hot and perfect and neither were left wanting… I hope you liked it. I loved writing it even though this is the eve of the end. Next week we will say goodbye to this fic and these characters. Not forever because I kind of hope they’ll show up again in one-shots and drabbles.. (thanks arrowsandangels) Let’s not think about it right now. Leave a note! Please! Let me know what you thought!**


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here it is.. a day late. I apologize but honestly, it’s better this way. Oh and there’s some news at the end. Thank you for reading and commenting or not. And thank you for keeping the candle burning in our little part of the fandom!**

 

Streamers flutter across the lawn like early autumn leaves. The only thing setting them apart from the real thing is the pale yellow and cream color. That and the fact that autumn hasn’t actually arrived yet. But another Indian summer is fine by him. Last summer was the best one of his life and although he figures it’s only going to get better, that one is special and it always will be because it was their first.

 

Stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette on the sole of his unlaced boot he wanders back into the cabin where his ‘bride’, he likes thinking of her like that, he likes it an awful lot, is sitting cross-legged in the middle of a woven rug, one of their many wedding gifts, going through cards from their friends and family. The cards came with the gifts that now furnish their new home. Kicking off his boots he glances over at her.

 

Her blonde hair is still braided into a crown on her head, baby’s breath tucked haphazardly here and there. She made a beautiful bride- he’ll never forget what she looked like coming down the path on her daddy’s arm, smile as bright as the sun and eyes full of mischief and love.

 

And forever.

 

“Hey”. At the sound of his voice, she looks over her shoulder at him, the hair that’s come free from her braid framing her face in soft tendrils. He messed it up last night and he’s quite proud of that fact.

 

“Hey to you too- there are so many cards, Daryl,” she says holding up a handful. “I think I’m supposed to send thank you notes.” Dropping the stack in her lap she rests her hands on her knees. “Doesn’t seem like enough- a note.”

 

The gifts hadn’t come wrapped. Carol, Maggie, and Amy had engineered the whole thing. The gifts were delivered to them and they came and set up the house, adding to all of the stuff Daryl and Beth had already moved from the apartment. They hadn’t seen it until after the reception when they came here to spend their first night in their new home as husband and wife.

 

She’d walked around touching everything with tears in her eyes and he’d followed along behind her cursing their friends for all of it. Not because he didn't appreciate it but because it was just taking longer to get her into bed, where he wanted her, where he’d been dreaming about being with her since the cabin had been finished a little over a week ago.

 

“I know. It’s pretty amazin’,” he says walking up behind her. It really is. There are dishes, a whole set with flatware. Linens, as Beth called them which really meant dish towels and placemats and even cloth napkins. He’d never used a cloth napkin in his life until her. There are fluffy bath towels that are actually man-sized and fancy soaps and candles and bottles of oils that made her blush. Someone had given them windchimes for the porch and a glass bowl that looked like artwork and not a place to put a tossed salad. Picture frames and blankets, pillows with paintings on them and a few framed pieces of artwork that Daryl actually liked were spread throughout the house.

 

One of his favorite things is what Beth’s sitting on. A handwoven rug that Aaron and his partner Eric had given them. Aaron was another person he labeled as ‘friend’ probably from the moment they met when Aaron had inspected the house. Daryl had appreciated all he’d done and so he’d followed up with Aaron on the floors in his own house. They worked out a deal and although Daryl had to put it on the calendar for late September or early October, he’d made sure Aaron knew it was going to be a priority once the wedding was over and he and Beth were settled in their home.

 

The rug is something Daryl definitely could see himself buying. Besides the artistry, it’s a quality piece of work and fits perfectly with the look and feel of their place. Beth wanted to stick to the industrial feel of his apartment while adding a few eccentric ideas of her own once he finally got her to give him some feedback. It was like pulling teeth because she wanted to give it all to him, his first real home. He’d lost it then, cried like he never thought he would in front of another soul, even her. But she’d touched on everything in him, that sad, broken little boy who never in his wildest dreams would have imagined this as his life, as his forever.

 

He thinks his reaction might have kind of scared her a little but whatever it was she jumped right in and they planned out the rest of it together.

 

Stretching out beside her, his head on her thigh, he watches her face like he always does. He likes it best when she’s sleeping or thinking or when he’s making her come and she’s moaning his name like a song. It’s hard to choose which is his favorite.

 

“Have ta babysit fer the twins and Judith, go fishin’ with Rick a lot. Take on some a yer daddy’s chores, let ‘em know we appreciate it all,” he murmurs sliding a hand up her back.

 

“And your brother and Carol? They’ve… I mean we built a home here.” Her voice is soft and filled with emotion. She feels things so deeply and she isn’t afraid to let those feelings spill all over the place. Sometimes he wishes it was that easy for him. 

 

“Staying here, with my brother, being his neighbor forever, shit thas’ made him the happiest I ever seen ‘em. And ya know you working with Beau over the summer, helping with readin’ and all that, that means a lot to both of ‘em.” 

 

“I guess… and what about you? All of this…” Her arms are spread wide as she looks around the room and then her hands are in his hair. “How am I ever gonna-”

 

“Stop. We did this. Together, me an you.” Reaching up he runs a finger along her cheek where the scar is barely there just a faint discoloration and soft ripple that’s fading every day. “Jus’ keep lovin’ me girl, ‘s all I want.”

 

“Forever Daryl… toldja!” Giggling she pushes the cards aside and stretches out beside him. “They’re gonna tell stories about us one day,” she whispers.

 

“Oh yeah, ‘bout wha’?”

 

“Oh how you know there was a girl and a guy and he had wings but he forgot how to fly and she had a song but she’d forgotten how to sing and well meeting each other and falling in love…” She’s blushing and not really looking at him. “... they remember, they remember it all and now he never flies alone and she’s always got someone to listen to her songs. Kinda silly…”

 

“ ‘S that our fairytale?”

 

“You want it to be?” He nods cupping her head in his hand he meets her halfway and kisses her.

 

“Can’t forget the sun and moon, gotta make sure they tell that one too,” he murmurs against her lips. He feels her clever little hands tugging at the button on his jeans.

 

“Yes…” she bats his hands away as he tries to help.

 

“Hey who’re they?” Her blush deepens and her hands still on the button of his jeans.

 

“Oh- our babies and their babies and their babies, babies... All of them will know the love story of Beth and Daryl.” He swallows the lump in his throat and kisses her again.

 

“Girl yer crazy… but I love ya so fuckin much... I do,” he’s whispering it now into her hair, the _ ‘I love yous’ _ , and the ‘ _ I dos’ _ and helping her with his jeans which are all he’s wearing. She’s only wearing a t-shirt, one of his and he slides his hands under the hem and tosses it away.

 

The windows are covered with curtains. Layers of some gauzy stuff she picked out that he actually kind of likes. And the front door is locked but no one is supposed to come around anyway. Not until Monday morning. This weekend, the whole weekend is their honeymoon at home.

 

Flipping her over on her back he slides a hand over her belly and down between her legs. She spreads her legs and his body reacts to the fact that she’s wet. For him. 

 

“Can ya take yer hair down?” he whispers and the catch in his voice as he says it makes him blush. But she sits up beside him and reaches up to pull out the bands an pins that hold it all up. As she does he leans in and takes her nipple into his mouth, sucking gently, making her sigh.

 

“Daryl... I’m trying…” But her words turn into a soft moan and she makes quick work of tugging her hair out of the braid and letting it fall over her shoulders and down her back in ripples.

 

He can smell the soft floral scent of the shampoo she uses. And it makes him harder. Pushing himself up beside her he runs a hand through her blond tresses and leans in and kisses her shoulder, trailing his tongue over her collarbone and back down to her breast flicking his tongue over her hard nipples.

 

“Lean back,” he says huskily. Last night once he’d finally got her where he wanted her she’d taken charge and knelt between his legs, still wearing her sweet little wedding dress and sucked his cock until he was at her mercy willing to do whatever she wanted. What she’d wanted was to worship him and he didn’t have it in him to deny her.

 

So.

 

Now it’s her turn. Easing her back down onto the rug he runs his rough hand the length of her body, she’s soft and he knows every freckle, it’s his favorite constellation. She arches into him, eyes closed, humming her pleasure and whispering his name. Moving down between her legs he slides his hand over her mound slipping a thumb between her lips and finding her clit. She’s even wetter now than she was just moments ago. He presses down gently and she bucks underneath the pressure.

 

His cock is so hard it’s almost painful as he stretches out on his stomach and brushes his lips along her inner thigh letting his scruffy cheek graze her skin. Leaning in he drags the tip of his tongue the length of her sex until he’s using it to tease her clit.

 

“Oh my god, Daryl!” She says she likes it best when he’s pounding into her, holding her down and using her body but it’s this, his mouth on her pussy that has her coming undone every single time he does it. Maybe it’s because he loves it, kissing her like this, tasting her and knowing that he’s the cause of it all.

 

“Gonna make you come, Beth,” he breathes as he slides a finger inside of her searching for her sweet spot. He adds another and seals his mouth over her clit as her thigh muscles tighten around his head. 

 

“I can’t- Daryl!” Her back arches and he can feel the clench of her pussy around his fingers and the pulse in her clit as her orgasm rolls through her like a wave. He gives her a minute to catch her breath as he crawls back up her body taking her hands with him and stretching them over her head. Holding both delicates wrists in one hand he kisses her softly, lets her taste herself on his lips as he lines himself up and thrusts into her without warning.

 

But this is what she likes. She said so and her reaction seems to back that up.

 

“That’s right baby… yer making me feel the same way. Feel so good Beth…” Groaning he feels it coming on, stretching out until it breaks and he shudders as he sinks back into her, drops his head into the curve of her neck, her soft hair and explodes on a grunt against her skin.

 

And then it’s just their heavy breathing and her fingers tracing his back. Touching each scar. Her heart is beating like butterfly wings, he can feel it underneath him. Easing back a little he pulls her hands back between them, rubs her wrists with his thumbs. She curls into him murmuring his name her lips pressed against his chest. Suddenly he’s spent and all he wants to do is fall asleep with her in his arms.

 

“Wanna get back in bed with you Beth.. come’on..” Taking her hand they find their way back to their room in the house they've only spent one night in and it kind of feels like a dream and if it is he never wants to wake up.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

It’s faint laughter that wakes her. Daryl is still very much asleep his breathing deep and even. Listening for a minute she hears it again. Kids laughing.

 

_ Come on Beau, we ain’t suppose ta be here! _

 

_ Ain’t they ever coming outta there?  _

 

_ I’m going home, yer gonna get in trouble! _

 

_ I ain’t either!  _

 

Beau and DJ. Their voices fade as they head back to their house. At least she assumes that’s what they're doing. She doesn’t know for sure and she won’t chance looking out the window because if they see her they’ll want to come in and she won't be able to say no.

 

The curtains are closed and the sun filtering through them is hazy and she realizes that tonight will be the first sunset they’ll see from their bed. Daryl had wanted to come back a few times and bring a blanket but she’d convinced him that they need to wait until it was home for good.

 

Now it is. 

 

Reaching over she runs her fingers through his hair. He mumbles something incoherent and scoots over and puts his head in her lap. She feels his warm breath against her belly where his face is resting. Splaying her fingers against the side of his face she looks at the ring on her finger. Daryl’s is exactly the same, just a little wider. She wanted them to match. Engraved inside each ring is a tiny heart with the first letter of their names on either side.

 

Daryl had been so nervous his hands were shaking when he slid it on her finger. The ceremony had been short, sweet and to the point. They didn’t share any vows because the things they wanted to say could only ever be said between the two of them. They had their rings and he was smiling cause he thought he was home free. 

 

Then the officiant threw them a curve ball.

 

“Daryl, why do you love Beth?” It certainly wasn’t the ‘you may kiss the bride’ he’d been expecting. She could see that written all over his face.

 

Words don’t come easy for Daryl but for her… He’d shrugged and looked at her and said,

 

“She listens to my heartbeat. No one else ever wanted ta hear it.” Then he blushed all the way to the tips of his ears.

 

She’d lost her bet with Maggie. And instead of kissing him she’d cried against his chest and left a wet spot on the front of his dress shirt.

 

“Girl what’re ya doing?” Rolling away from her he looks up at her squinting through sleepy eyes. She was a fool if she thought he wouldn’t hear her soft sigh and recognize it for what it was. Reaching up he touches her cheek. “Beth?”

 

“I’m just- I’m really happy.” Deliriously happy, crossed-legged in the middle of their bed naked and crying happy. 

 

“Sure ‘bout that?” He sits up and the sheet falls away from him. He’s as naked as she is. Nodding she lays her palm on his chest, right over his heart. Pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Me too baby.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They eat leftovers from the reception at the kitchen table and every few minutes Beth goes to look at something else she missed from last night. Like the pictures on the mantle above the fireplace. She takes one down and she’s staring at it with a soft smile on her face.

 

“Whacha got?” he asks and she comes over and sits on his lap holding the picture out in front of her.

 

“I don’t know who took this, but we look-” she pauses and touches the glass, running her finger around there faces. It’s them sitting on the tailgate of his truck. They’re looking at each other and she’s got her hand on his leg and they’re both smiling. It’s so odd to see a picture of himself smiling but it’s her he’s smiling at so…

“We look happy.” 

 

“We look like we’re in love,” she says.

 

“Ain’t we?”

 

Tossing her head back and laughing she sets the picture on the table and wraps her arms around his neck.

 

“I am! I am so in love with you!” She’s kissing him everywhere she can reach and he’s enjoying it when she jumps up and runs towards the door out to the garage.

 

“Wha’ the hell?!” she’s everywhere and her happiness is contagious. 

 

“We have a laundry room! I forgot! I can do laundry right here in our house!” She disappears through the door and he can hear her opening cupboards and talking to herself. Leaning against the door frame he watches as she peeks in the washer.

 

“Ain’t brand new. Had ta cut costs somewhere.”

 

“It doesn't matter! It works and it’s in our house!” Spinning around like she is a smile on her face and her eyes bright he remembers her dancing last night. Twinkly lights were strung around a makeshift dance floor and Beth, Abbi, and Claire twirling around laughing. A slow song had come on and Beth had grabbed his hand and pulled him out with her. He’d glared over her head at Carl because they’d had a deal. He’d play Carl fifty bucks to play music, but no slow songs.

 

Carl wasn’t getting that fifty bucks.

 

He stood awkwardly feeling self-conscious sure everyone was watching them.

 

“Ain’t much of a dancer,” he’d whispered in her ear.

 

“Just hold on to me and kinda sway back and forth, like this…” she held onto his shoulders and started moving side to side without picking up her feet. He mimicked her movements and held on just like she said. “That’s it- you’re doing fine Daryl.”

 

Only because he had her in his arms making everything okay- making this display something sweet that everyone may have been watching but only the two of them were sharing.

 

“Wanna try dancing again? Like we was last night?” he asks. It hadn’t been so bad, dancing with his wife. 

 

“Really? Thought you weren’t much of a dancer?” she teases as she closes the cupboards and the lid to the washer.

 

“Wasn’t. But I like holding you.”

 

“And you’re really good at that, come on.” Taking his hand she leads him to their bedroom. She pulls back the curtains over the window that faces west, and a pool of sunlight spills across the floor. It lights her up too, like the night they came here when the cabin was just a shell. Now it’s walls and windows and doors and everything else in between.

 

Sunset is coming. 

 

But first, he’s gonna dance with his girl.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Monday morning comes and even though the honeymoon is officially over Beth can’t help but feel like it’s just another beginning. Today she’s changing her name. Or at least starting the process.

 

Every ending is the beginning of something else.

 

She has a checklist in hand and copies of their marriage certificate and they’re headed out the door when DJ and Beau come running up.

 

“Finally! I thought y’all was never coming out!.” Beau says. He and DJ are wearing their backpacks. 

 

“We was hidin’ from you!” Daryl teases. This makes both boys laugh like it was the best joke ever. Beth checks her phone and looks at them.

 

“Aren’t you gonna miss the bus?” she asks. There’s a flash of school bus yellow through the trees and they run off together their backpacks bouncing.

 

“Ready ta do this?” Daryl was technically supposed to work today. Abe is starting a renovation on a building that will eventually be loft apartments and Daryl agreed. All of the apartments will have iron staircases and a few have concrete walls and floors. It will keep him busy until Christmas. 

 

But today he wanted to go with Beth. She could do it on her own. It’s not required that he be there for her to change her name but it just feels right. And she’s having a hard time adjusting to ‘getting back to normal’ which is what she’s deemed it. She’s back at work every morning and has class on Tuesday and Thursdays on campus. And he’s on a job site or in the garage with Merle. They have their evenings together and weekends but she misses the summer and seeing him more than anyone else.

 

It’s absolutely ridiculous. And maybe eventually she won’t feel like something is missing whenever they aren’t together. Which technically it’s been over a year. But the cabin and getting married makes it feel like they’ve started all over again. She can’t stop thinking of beginnings and endings and somewhere there’s a song in there.

 

“Yep! I’m glad you wanted to come with me.” They stop by the truck and he leans into her, cups her face in his hands.

 

“Always wanna be with ya. Like to come with ya too.” He grins mischievously and kisses her before opening the door so she can climb in. On the driver’s side because she sits in the middle anyway.

 

The SSI office is in Atlanta so they just drop off all the DMV paperwork at a branch in the city too. A Monday morning in late Septemeber seems to be the optimal time to visit both of these places because there are no lines, no waiting and they’re done by noon. Daryl finds a little diner where they have lunch and she pulls out her notebook to jot down the words in her head, the ones she’s even started to put a tune too.

 

“Whacha got there?”

 

“Hmmm, a song I think. Just something I’ve been thinking about.” She slides the notebook over in front of him. He continues to just stare at her a small smile playing at his lips. “What?”

 

“Yer letting me look even ‘fore it’s done?” 

 

“It’s a work in progress. I wanna know what you think.” He blinks a couple of times as he looks down and the notebook and that small smile falters just a little.

 

“I think everythin’ ya do is amazin’ ” he murmurs as his eyes scan the page.

 

Of course, he does. He’s still reading when the waitress brings their order and he must’ve read over the little bit she’s written at least ten times.

 

“I’m starting to feel self-conscious, is it-”

 

“Yer writing a love song- ‘bout me an you.” It’s not a question. It’s a fact and he gets it.

 

“Fairytales and love songs, you made me remember that I believed in them.” If his eyes could write the words on her skin she’d know what he’s thinking cause he's just staring at her again. In that way he does.

 

“Shit Beth, ‘s you who made me believe in ‘em in the first place.” He closes the notebook and she feels his hand on her thigh.

 

“We needed each other.” The sun and the moon. He doesn’t say anything else. Just nods and steals a fry off of her plate.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Getting back to normal isn’t as hard as it was when she’d go back to the farm after being with him for a little while but waking up every day in their new home still feels like something that could be swept right out from under him at any given moment.

 

And it makes him grumpy and anxious until he’s home and they’re together, doing anything, even laundry. 

 

The weekends are his favorite. Because then he gets two days with her. Even if he goes over to the garage for an hour or two or takes the boys out to the woods, she’s still right there in their house and most of the time she comes looking for him which makes him feel like he’s on top of the world. He could probably even write a love song of his own. 

 

He’s in the garage that evening doing a tune-up on her car when she comes rushing in, almost knocking him over. 

 

“Hey- damn girl wha’-”

 

“Abbi’s gone, she’s..” grabbing his hand she starts pulling him out of the garage, “ ...we have to find her Daryl. She's out there in the woods and it’s gonna be dark soon!” He doesn’t even ask, just grabs Beth hand and they go.

 

She fills him in as they head the way they always do when they’re walking over to the farm. Amy told the girls they were going with her and Hershel for Shawn’s visitation. It would be the first time the girls would be seeing him since the fire. She waited until the night before because she knew that Abbi would have some anxiety over it and she thought that would be the best way to do it. It hadn’t been an issue for Claire but as Amy continued to explain what would happen while they were there Abbi got more and more worked up until she’d said she wasn’t going, she’s supposed to stay with Uncle Daryl.

 

He remembers that day in the market when she’d told him she wanted him to be her daddy and all the times she’s looked to him for the thing that’s missing in her short life. He feels a desperate need to protect her but at the same time an obligation to the fact that he’s not her father, she has one and she needs to learn how to welcome back in her life. Because he’s gonna come home. He’s gonna do whatever he has to, to get back to his family. That’s what Daryl would do and he wants to believe that Shawn will do the same.

 

“She didn’ come this way.” They’re almost to the farm and there’s no sign that she’s even been here. Beth doesn’t question him she just stops to stand beside him- waiting. “How they know she even came our way?”

 

“I guess because that’s where she said she’s supposed to be.” This just hurts. And it shouldn’t. But it does. He already loves Abbi. She’s his family now, but he’s not her father. A thought comes to him. And he takes Beth’s hand.

 

“I think I know where she mighta gone.”

 

Over the summer he’d taken the boys fishing in the stream at the back of the property. And on one of those fishing trips, Abbi had been with them. Instead of going back up through the woods to the garage and the house to walk her home, Daryl had let them walk along the stream to Hershel's property line. They had no idea where they were until they ended up at the fence bordering the pasture. Daryl knew what he was doing but he let them think they were foraging their way through uncharted territory. It had been a game then. 

 

“Daryl where are we going-”

 

“I walked this way once with the boys an Abbi. Was a game, a secret way that no one else would ever find ‘cept them.” He’s still holding on to Beth’s hand and it’s more for his own comfort than anything else.

 

It’s not a game this time. Abbi’s alone and coming from the farm to their house all by herself… 

 

And it’s getting dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So… a few changes. My intention was to have this wrapped up by now. But this story hasn’t come full circle. Not in my head or my heart. It’s close, that’s for sure. But we aren’t quite there yet. The only way I can write those final two words is if I actually know they’re true. So this is not ‘The End’ yet.**
> 
> **Abbi is out there somewhere and maybe she’s lost or maybe she knows exactly where she’s going. Either way, Daryl will find her. >/b>**


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here you go! Thank you so much for all the kind reviews and comments! benevolent01 (on AO3) thank you for sharing the song “Take the World” by Johnnyswim. It’s beautiful and so Bethyl…**

 

Beth follows Daryl back towards their cabin. They keep going right past it and into the woods.

 

“Daryl are you sure she’s over here? How would she even-”

 

“We went this way once. After fishing. We walked the creek to yer daddy’s property line and then kept going til we came up on the pasture. They thought they found a secret way. I was thinking maybe she tried ta come this way.” 

 

He’s probably right. Daryl’s instincts are usually never wrong. But it’s a long ways away from everything and Abbi is more than likely to get turned around and head off in the wrong direction and get lost! There are other farms but they’re spread out and it’s getting dark and…

 

She must have made a noise, something that he heard that made him slow down and wait for her. He rests a hand on her shoulder then cups her cheek in his palm for a second before taking her hand and continuing on. 

 

A reassuring touch. They’ll find her. Daryl will find her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Abbi listens to him. She pays attention, like DJ. That day they were out here it was the two of them that took everything Daryl had said very seriously. Beau, he flies by the seat of his pants so lucky for him he has that Dixon way and even though he might stumble and fall over rocks or miss a sign or two, he’ll find his way eventually. 

 

He’s hoping Abbi, even though she’s still just a little girl, is taking her time and doing as he said when they were out here the first time. If she’s able to find the stream the rest should be simple and finding her should happen anytime now.

 

Beth spots her first. He glanced away for a second and then Beth gasps and lets his hand go and takes off running.

 

“Abbi!” 

 

Her jeans are torn at the knees and her face has a couple of dirt smudges, but it’s the damn wings that take his heart and twist it. They’re crooked on her little shoulders and bent and dirty and she brings to mind a little angel that fell right down from wherever it might be that angels come from. She’s in Beth’s arms and when she sees him her little eyes fill with tears.

 

“I got lost.”

 

“You try ta fly with them wings?” She’s vehemently shaking her head.

 

“No! I didn’t! You said not to. I just got lost and I fell down.” Sniffing she rubs her nose.

 

“Abbi why’d you run away?” Beth asks brushing back the hair that’s stuck to Abbi’s cheek.

 

“Mama’s making me go visit my daddy and I don’t wanna.” She rests her head on Beth’s shoulder.

 

“I bet he wants ya ta come visit.” Abbi gazes up at him suspiciously.

 

“I not allowed to take my wings. I need them! They make me brave.” Daryl reaches for Abbi and picks her up and then takes Beth’s hand. He’s well aware of what a jail visit entails and there’s no way Abbi will be able to wear her wings inside. It’s just the way it is. 

 

“Ya don’t wear yer wings ta Kindergarten. Wasn’t wearin’ ‘em when ya was riding that big horse a yers without ‘em.” Maybe he might be able to convince her she’s gonna be okay. Beth keeps telling him that Abbi chose him, that she trusts him. He has absolutely no idea what this little slip of a girl sees in him, why she’s so sure he’s a good guy… 

 

“Cause Dandelion tries to eat them!” This has Abbi giggling.

 

“He also likes to nibble at my hair!” Beth says and that makes Abbi laugh even harder. As sweet as it is listening to the two of them laughing Daryl needs to make sure Abbi understands that what she did isn’t okay.

 

“Ya can’t be running off like that no more okay. ‘S a long way ta go.” 

 

“But I found the x on the fence! I just couldn’t member where the stream was!” He’s proud of the fact that she was paying attention but it’s still not okay. She can’t take off into the woods whenever she wants too. 

 

“Thas’ good. Ya listened ta me. Don’ do it again alright? Ya gotta tell someone. I even have ta tell yer auntie when I’m going out in the woods and I’m a big boy.” There’s a twinkle in Beth’s eye when he says this.

 

“Okay.” She’s not laughing anymore and it hurts his heart that he’s unable to say what she wants to hear.

 

“An ya gotta go visit yer daddy.” She doesn’t say anything else, just nods. She might as well learn now that running away won’t solve anything. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

A few dark clouds rolled in just as the sun was setting and the air was thick with humidity. That was the first indication that a storm was coming. The winds kicked up and thunder was the background noise in her dreams, nightmares really. Ones, where they didn’t find Abbi and Daryl had his crossbow and she had a knife and they were running from things she couldn’t name.

 

She’d tossed and turned and Daryl had pulled her closer, kissed her and whispered warm words against her cheek but it hadn’t gone any further than that. She sought the comfort of his arms but nothing more which was a testament to the fact that something was bothering her.

 

Finally, she’d just crawled out of bed and turned on the coffee pot. Of course, he’d followed. He’d already picked up on her mood. She didn’t push him away when he moved in behind her, in fact, it was quite the opposite. She wrapped him around her like a blanket and just breathed letting her thoughts go where she had been afraid to let them completely.

 

“Ya alright?” he murmurs.

 

“I-” Turning in his arms, she peers up at his face, his eyes, gauges if the things she’s saying are too much. “Daryl, what makes a man do the things your daddy did?” He doesn’t answer right away and she expected this, but the pain that flickers in his eyes, well she wasn’t banking on that. Especially not when he responds the way he does.

 

“Beth I would never- I ain’t like-” Her heart if it could, would shatter into a thousand pieces right now, because she’s no way implying that he could ever be like his father.

 

“No! No, not you, I never ever felt that you- Daryl I’ve never been afraid of you! You’re the only place that I feel completely safe and loved, and I know you’d never hurt me.” She has to make sure he believes this because it’s not like that and she’s sure she isn’t expressing herself in a way that makes much sense. But nothing makes much sense right now. 

 

“I have a feeling that the things that Amy said to me about being afraid- I don’t believe she told me everything and Abbi, she doesn’t miss him. If her daddy had to stay in jail forever I bet it wouldn’t bother her at all.” She’s rubbing his chest and the tension eases little by little as he listens to her.

 

But his eyes darken. Even imagining Shawn hurting his children infuriates Daryl. He was concerned about it. Before. He’d told her.

 

The things that Abbi has said about her daddy and how he acts when he drinks and Amy never saying Shawn hurts her, but never quite saying he doesn’t either.  _ I’ve been afraid…  _ Afraid of what? Beth suspects there’s a chance Shawn has done more than just overreact when he’s been drinking. And Amy has lied to protect him.

 

Which is why she asked Daryl what she did. Because he grew up in a hell that technically according to statistics which don’t really take into account everything involved, according to those statistics he’d very likely become an abuser himself. Merle too. 

 

But he’s not. He’s just- he’s not. He’s broken. He carries the scars but he is nothing like the man whose DNA he shares.

 

What she’s she asking and what she wants to know is why Shawn? But maybe it’s impossible to answer that. If she wanted to she could rely on those same statistics which indicate that a person who suffers a trauma is more likely to be an abuser. Exactly what kind of trauma are the statistics based on though? And why did she spend hours last night skimming over pointless articles that only made her chest tight and her heartache? These are questions she has no answers for either.

 

‘I don’ know Beth.” He’s reluctant to say anything more, she senses that but at least he’s not pulling away, terrified that she’s afraid of him. Because he’s probably going to second guess himself and his behavior for the rest of his life. She doesn’t need statistics to tell her that. She loves a broken man but even broken he has shown her what a real man does, how a real man loves and what it means to have honor. Whatever the odds are he’s beat them.

 

She’s broken too, in her own way but she’s putting the pieces back together and even if they don’t fit in quite the same way they’re still all of who she is. 

 

“Gonna have ta ask Amy and she’s gonna have ta want ta tell ya.” He presses his lips to her forehead and she lifts her head and stands on her toes in order to reach him and kiss him with everything in her and whisper in his ear like he did for her earlier. Warm words, all the good things, that he’s all the good things for her.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl comes in through the laundry room door his arms full of wood and his hair damp and messy. The storm finally arrived in all it’s glory as they stood in the kitchen earlier sipping coffee and he’d left her to go check what they had for cut wood in the shop refusing her help.

 

He needed a minute to let everything sink in because sometimes there were moments with Beth when he felt everything all at once and it left him dizzy. 

 

She didn’t have to convince him that there was more to the relationship between Amy and Shawn. He’s been around Amy enough to pick up on the fact that she holds more than love in her heart for her husband. And although he doesn’t truly believe Shawn has ever laid a hand on his children, it’s not only fists that leave a mark.

 

As far as the why, he’s been asking himself that same question for as long as he remembers. Why’d his dad hurt his mama? Why’d his dad hurt him and Merle? Weren't they good enough? Why’d his mama leave him? Didn’t she love him? Eventually, a person just stops asking for answers that aren’t ever coming. 

 

So he doesn’t know why Shawn if he even is doing anything, would do it. 

 

The rain is pelting against the windows and the wind makes everything vibrate, even in the solidity of the cabin. But it’s going to be warm and cozy in a couple of minutes. This will be their first fire. 

 

“Daryl, you’re soaked!” Jumping up she closes the door behind him.

 

“ ‘M fine. Got enough wood out there ta last us the weekend. I’m betting we ain’t gonna…” Before he even finishes what he’s saying there’s a click and the house is silent. No hum from the refrigerator or the heater that he’d turned up this morning to take the edge off. Daryl smiles, “...have power much longer,” he says. He kneels and stacks the wood on the hearth and she joins him, matches in her hands. 

 

Working together they get the fire going and Daryl leans back on his heels but instead of admiring their handiwork he’s gazing at her. The way her hair is catching the firelight. It’s like it’s trying to grab all of it and keep it for itself. She smiles when she notices him staring and that alone is proof she’s crawled up out of that dark place she was in before. But there’s still a little sadness in her demeanor. He’ll coax it out of her eventually unless she offers it up on her own which might very well happen because not much gets left unsaid anymore.  

 

She helps him out of his wet flannel and brings him a towel for his hair, giggling as she tries to help him and he shakes like a wet dog leaving little drops of water on her face. When they’re done she takes his hand does what he’d hoped and leads him to the couch. They stretch out under the blanket, her back to his chest. And once his hands are warm he slides one over the curve of her hip and under her t-shirt, resting his palm flat against her warm belly.

 

“Daryl?”

 

“Hmm..” 

 

“I don’t want you ever to think…” her voice breaks and she rolls over to face him. “I love you! You’re so good and you aren’t-” Pressing a finger to her lips to shush her he swipes his thumb over her cheek wiping away the tears. He kind of had a feeling this wasn’t over. He saw it in her face then and it’s still there now.

 

“Think I don’t know that Beth? Coming from you? Baby girl all you ever do is build me up. Ya ain’t careful ‘m gonna fall right over on top of ya.” He’s making light of it but in all honesty, he’s always going to try and do better by her. Everything he does no matter how simple or how many times he’s gonna do better.

 

It took him by surprise, what she’d said,  _ what makes a man do the things your daddy did?  _ It wasn’t an accusation, it wasn’t anything, but for a second it had been and he’d been thrown.

 

She makes him want to be his best self and she believes in him so he believes too.

 

“You catch me, every single time. I’m gonna catch you too Daryl.” She will. 

 

And because he’s out of words, for now, he kisses her and he’s thankful that most of the time this is enough to say all the things he can’t.

 

He feels her hands on the hem of his t-shirt as she slides it up and over his back. Her fingertips brush over the sensitive spots sending shivers down his spine making him arch into her.

 

But when he reaches for her shirt she bats his hand away.

 

“You. You first. I want to touch you everywhere and then…” she’s blushing and it doesn’t make any sense because they’ve seen each other so many times it’s impossible to even count them all. But this is why every time is so much like the first time. 

 

He doesn’t hesitate when she pushes his shoulders back, kneels on the couch in front of her and lets her unbutton his jeans and pull them down over his hips. His hard cock is straining against the waistband of the boxers he slipped on this morning knowing that at some point he’d have to go out and get wood for the fire. Otherwise, he’d probably skip the underwear completely.

 

She’s so focused on the task, the tip of her pink tongue just visible as she works at getting his jeans off. Does she even know what she’s doing to him? To his heart, not to mention his body. Before Beth, sex was just a thing to do, sometimes a necessary evil and if he could avoid it and just take care of himself he did. It was never about love and always left him feeling like he needed a shower.

 

The only assistance she lets him give is kicking the jeans the rest of the way off and letting them fall to the floor beside the couch.

 

Then she scoots back down on her back and looks up at him with her big doe eyes, blue like his, not the same but a shade that compliments the colors that belong to him. A summer storm. That’s what they are. Thunder and lightning, soft rain and the sun and the moon.

 

The feeling of her small hand gliding down his chest, barely touching until she’s cupping his balls in her hands, cradling their heat and weight, squeezing gently is sweet torture.

 

“You’re my best thing,” she whispers and her words as usual only serve to tie his heart up in knots that are welcome because they hold her to him. Forever.

 

But this, the fire she started won’t last with what she’s doing and he wants her to feel every bit as good as he is.

 

“Beth… ‘s enough. Please, lemme…” A tentative hand on the hem of her shirt, waiting. And when she nods it’s like a hurricane touches down and they struggle with her clothes, pulling and twisting until she’s as naked as he is, pale skin highlighted by a blush that spreads from her cheeks to her chest, pink as her hard niples. He gives himself a minute to admire her lying beneath him. 

 

He lowers himself down on top of her, his cock trapped between them. He moves easy as if he’s already inside of her, fucking her slowly. Taking her leg in his hand he pulls it up over his hip, still moving, but sliding lower so he can rub over her sensitive parts, make her hiss and squirm underneath him.

 

“I wanna fuck you Beth, wanna feel you… wanna make you come…” he growls pushing harder against her.

 

“Please... “ she whimpers. She’s already got her other leg wrapped around his waist and he reaches down and pushes the head of his cock into her wet heat and thrusts his hips forward until the space between them disappears. 

 

“I love you, Beth, gonna spend the rest of my life loving you…” Her body and all it does makes him sing, gives him words that he usually doesn’t have and this is what takes her to the edge and sends her flying. He feels her come even before she’s crying out his name. The delicious squeeze as her body chases her orgasm and gives him his release in its wake.

 

Chest to chest, both of them breathing heavy he can feel her heart pounding against his. This might even be better than her ear pressed to his chest. This is their hearts getting as close as they can, almost touching.

 

A shower will come later and most likely they’ll do that together. But for now, he can lay here with her curled up against him the blanket pulled up and tucked in at their chins. The fire’s still going steady and giving them enough heat as they cool off from the heat they created. And she’s humming something softly, a familiar tune that follows him as he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Sometimes a cocoon is a safe place, a warm place she’d rather not leave. One that isn’t telling her to fight her way out, to stretch her wings and fly. Waking up wrapped up in a blanket with Daryl, anywhere with Daryl is that kind of cocoon.

 

After their nap, the world looks different and she can tuck Abbi and Amy away in the back of her mind and put this time they have right now in the forefront. The power is still iffy. It flickers like a candle and eventually they just turn everything off and make a home on the rug in front of the fireplace. Roasted hot dogs and cups of chili warmed over the fire make for the perfect late lunch and since Daryl made sure they had enough wood in the garage there’s no need to even go out in the rain. 

 

Beth plays her guitar and Daryl goes over his notes in his ledger for the jobs he’ll be starting, including Aaron’s house. 

 

“Hey.” She looks up from her guitar where she's been trying out a new song and her body doesn’t seem to remember that it’s only been a few hours since Daryl made it sing. There’s an ache that throbs like it’s been forever. Shaking her knees she adjusts the guitar and smiles at him. “I wanna bring the piano over here. Yer dad said anytime... And well, do ya still want-”

 

“Yes! Yes, I do… I’ve been working on this song and it’s not… maybe it will come together on the piano!” Laying the guitar down she climbs up onto the couch with him doing her best to avoid the papers he’s spread out next to him. “And I was thinking that maybe Beau could come over and.. I don’t know, I have an idea. That might help with his reading... It's-” she’s blushing because saying it out loud even to Daryl feels strange. But she’s been working with Beau on different strategies that help him read and anytime he is able to use his hands or his body his brain seems to connect and it’s the best feeling in the world to see Beau light up when he’s successful.

 

“How you know all that stuff?” His expression is full of wonder and to be honest she’s just as surprised as he is. She doesn’t know how she knows. But music is definitely a connection.

 

Beau likes music. Loves it actually. He likes to listen and dance and sing in his off-key voice at the top of his lungs and as long as she promises not to tell anyone what they do he’ll do it all with her. Because he knows it’s working. He’s making progress and it’s done wonders for his self-esteem.

 

“I don’t know. I just do what feels right.” He’s quiet for a minute and then he takes her hand.

 

“Alright then. Rick promised ta help. I’ll set it up. Only thing is we gotta make him dinner. Venison steaks.”

 

Rick will do anything for a meal. Michonne is busy and not much of a meat and potatoes girl which she admits freely so Daryl has taken to bribing Rick with food. That’s what friends do, feed you when you’re hungry. And Beth loves having them over. Judith is her baby fix even though she’s not much of a baby anymore. And Carl being at the cabin means Sophia inadvertently comes by to borrow something or ask a question and ends up staying and giggling at everything Carl does until Merle comes looking for her.

 

And it’s just nice.

 

This time it means she’ll have her mama’s piano here with her too.

 

The rest of the weekend is rainy and cold so they stay inside and spend most of the time in front of the fire. Daryl goes out into the garage for a little while and when he comes in greasy and sweaty he doesn’t object to the shower Beth suggests. Because a shower doesn’t mean just washing their hair.

 

With a towel still wrapped around her head, Beth plops down on the couch with her phone. Her dad said he expected to be home between six and seven so she's surprised to see a message from Amy. It’s barely four o’clock. Opening it up she starts to read it and her heart sinks.

 

_ It didn’t go well. Abbi wouldn’t talk and Shawn got upset and yelled and Claire cried and the guards made us leave. Call your dad. _

 

Daryl came out into the living room just as her daddy answered.

 

“Daddy, what happened?” 

 

After the call, she did her best not to let everything bring her down. The weekend had been so perfect. Letting life ruin all that wasn’t fair to Daryl or her. The storm blew over and the power came back on and Beth pulled out everything they’d need to make pizzas. 

 

Daryl took a stool across from her at the island. He’s watching her and she knows he’s seeing more than just what she’s doing.

 

“We makin’ pizza?” he asks and she looks over at him and smiles.

 

“Wanna help?”

 

“Course I do.” He goes to the sinks and washes his hands and when he turns around he pulls her into his embrace. “Ya gonna tell me wha’ happened?” The phone call. And Abbi. He needs to know too. He wants to know.

 

So they fix pizzas and she tells him what her daddy told her. How the visit fell apart from the very beginning and it wasn’t even that Abbi was being stubborn, she seemed afraid, is what her daddy said and Beth heard the catch in his voice as he said it, _ My grandbaby was afraid of her daddy, my own son.  _ Shawn was irritated and didn’t even try to work with Abbi and it seemed to escalate when Claire started crying. He didn’t touch either of the girls, didn’t try to console them or hug them or ease their fears. Which he was allowed to do at this visit.  _ He shut down Beth. Shawn’s the one that called the guard in. He ended the visit. He wouldn’t even talk to me before we left. _

 

Daryl had been standing with her at the island the whole time adding pepperoni and ham slices, grating cheese when they needed more. But when she stops talking he stops what he’s doing and wraps his arms around her. 

 

“It’s so hard.. I love them and I can’t do anything. Not for Abbi or Amy.. my daddy.. Shawn..” He holds her while she cries and she knows he’s hurting too. Abbi means more to him than he’ll let on. Doing right by her is important to Daryl, he’s feeling as helpless as she does. 

 

They finish the pizzas and eat them in a silence that isn’t as comforting as it usually is. But his hand on her leg and the smiles she gives him are at least something. And he smiles back when she teases that his pizza was definitely the best.

 

“Cause I didn’t put any fuckin pineapple on it girl!” 

 

After they clean up he takes her hand the expression on his face is determined.

 

“We gotta go somewhere real quick alright?” She doesn’t ask where just trusts that he has something he needs to do and he wants her with him. They put on boots and jackets and he holds the door while she climbs into the truck. It’s starting to get dark but since the clouds have cleared out there’s still a little sunlight left and it flashes on the windows of the cabin as they back out.

 

They drive into town and right through it to the interstate. She still doesn’t ask but she’s definitely curious. He takes the first exit and pulls into a huge brightly lit truck stop. Catching her eye he smirks at the look on her face. 

 

“Ain’t askin’?”

 

“No. I wanna wait and see,” she says. 

 

“Com’on then.” He takes her hand and they walk into the convenience store that's the size of a large grocery store and has everything a truck driver could ever need. Even a shower. 

 

He heads over to a group of clothing racks and starts going through them glancing up at her every couple of seconds. It’s driving her crazy now.

 

“Ok what are we looking for?” she asks unable to wait any longer.

 

“Wings. Abbi’s size.” Her hands fall away from a black hoodie with the state of Georgia emblazoned on it and she blinks at him. 

 

Wings. He gave her a pink hoodie with glittery wings on the back the Christmas before last. Wings.

 

Wings a little girl can wear to Kindergarten. And to the minimum security prison where her daddy may or may not be behaving himself.

 

He won’t give up. Maybe not ever. 

 

“Beth.” His arm is around her and she leans into him her face against his chest. “Ain’t got time for tears,” he whispers.

 

“I love you.. you- you’re a good man and I love you so much.” He clears his throat and squeezes her where his hand rests on her hip and she can see the pink in his cheeks. Wiping her tears she reaches out and starts flipping through the clothing again.  

 

Two racks later they find it. A tiny replica of the hoodie she has. Because every time he came here and got gas he saw it and it made him think of her. 

 

They pay for it and head back out to the truck. The sun's set and the sky is clear enough to see the stars. She has a pretty good idea that they aren't finished yet.

 

“Are we going over there now?” Beth asks.

 

“Can we?” He shifts the truck into drive and lays a hand on her thigh.

 

“I think we have to. I think this is how it’s supposed to go.” It feels like something special. Like magic and it’s silly but like everything else that happens between them it matters. 

 

So he drives to the farm and she watches as he alternates between chewing on his thumbnail and his bottom lip lost in thought.

 

The lights from the windows are welcoming as they pull up in front of the farmhouse. It’s Hershel who comes out onto the porch and he smiles a tired smile. Beth goes to him and wraps him in a hug. 

 

“I’m sorry Bethy, for all I didn’t do.” Her daddy whispers in her ear and she hugs tighter. She's sorry too for all the years they lost but they have now and tomorrow and a future that's so much more promising than the past.

 

“Daryl came to see Abbi,” Beth says. 

 

“I uh, I heard things were kinda tough and I uh... I jus’ wanna apologize fer-“

 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for Daryl. You’ve stepped up and been someone my granddaughter can count on and that’s very honorable of you. It’s her father who needs to account for his actions.” Daryl nods and Beth can’t help but reach for Daryl’s hand. 

 

The screen door squeaks and a little head peeks around it. 

 

“Uncle Daryl?” She sounds like she’s been crying. But she comes out onto the porch with a smile on her face. She holds out her arms and he picks her up.

 

“Hey, Abbi.” Beth leans over and kisses her niece. She glances at Daryl and he looks scared. 

 

“I went and saw my daddy and he got mad. He made Claire cry. And I cried too but not until I got in the car.” She’s so matter of fact it hurts. 

 

“ ‘M sorry ‘bout that.”

 

“I tried to be brave.” She sniffs and rubs her nose.

 

“I know. Ya did good. We brought ya somethin’.” He looks to Beth and she holds up the bag. Abbi takes it with a smile and opens it up. Her whole face lights up. It’s like everything that was weighing on her tiny shoulders just floated away.

 

“You got me wings! I can wear these to school!! Thank you, Uncle Daryl!” He looks over at Beth and she sees the question in his eyes. He was going to mention wearing them when she visits her dad. Beth shakes her head just a little. This is enough for now. 

 

“Abbi?” Amy calls out the door. “Oh hi, you guys…” Her smile is tired and strained too and the questions Beth has for her can wait too. 

 

Daryl lowers Abbi to the porch and she runs to her mom.

 

“Look, mama, I can wear these cause it’s a hoodie!”

 

“Yes, you can. And they sparkle. Did you thank your aunt and uncle?”  Abbi nods but she runs back over to them and Beth leans over and hugs her and then Daryl does the same and Abbi kisses his cheek before she runs back into the house. 

 

Amy mouths a thank you and hurries inside after Abbi.

 

“Thank you, Daryl. I- you know son you’re going to make a wonderful father one day.” Hershel says and Daryl stiffens beside her. “That is if you and my daughter chose to give me more grandchildren.” 

 

They’re in the truck driving the short distance between the farm and their cabin when he lets out a breath she thinks he must’ve been holding the entire time they were at the farm. 

 

Loving people hurts. Not all of the time, but sometimes. The thing is if you have people to love who love you back, it’s worth it. 

 

“Grandchildren…” Daryl says shaking his head.

 

****  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So the last bit of the final part of this chapter was written in on my phone while I was out with my sister... Getting teary-eyed in the grocery store and Applebee’s sure does get a lot of funny looks!! I hope you enjoyed it and yes I hope it might have made you shed a tear or two! Crying is cathartic! And Happy Holidays, if I haven't said it…**


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

 

**A/N This chapter deals with suicide attempt and loss. If this is something that is hard for you to handle please read with caution.**

 

They’ve settled into a routine that isn’t much different than the one they had before they finished the cabin. What makes it sweeter is the fact that now they’re in their own home and they’re making plans for the spring. Beth wants flowers and a garden and Daryl’s determined to finish the barn and arena. They’ve been spending evenings on the couch with her laptop looking up flowers and shrubs they might want to plant. He just smiles that half smile of his and tells her he likes what she likes.

 

Before they start planting flowers they still have to get through autumn and winter and the holidays. Technically their first Christmas was last year in the apartment but this year they're married and Christmas will be here in the cabin and she’s looking forward to it.

 

Daryl’s busy on a new job with Abraham and she’s got the library and school. But when they’re home, they’re home. It takes something important to drag them away from each other and the life they’ve created. Because they’d both much rather be wrapped in each other than anywhere else.

 

Beth hefts a large orange pumpkin on the table. She stopped off at the little market in town and couldn't resist bringing one home. A pumpkin to carve for the front porch. Daryl will think it’s silly, but he’ll carve it with her. Maybe he’ll actually even enjoy it.

 

Her cell phone vibrates on the table beside her. She glances at it and the caller ID is a long distance number- from Florida.

 

“Hello?”

 

_ “Good morning. This is officer Bryant Kenley. I’m calling from Montgomery Correctional Facility and I’m actually trying to get a hold of Hershel or Amy Greene. This is in regards to an inmate, Shawn Greene.” _

 

The call sets her on edge and it could just be the fact that the last visit went hadn’t gone well and her daddy had actually been waiting to hear from someone about Shawn's behavior. With his release date pending the outburst might have cost him.

 

“I’m Beth Greene,” she stammers, “Beth Dixon, I’m, I’m Shawn’s sister. Hershel is my father. Is there something-” 

 

_ “Are you able to get in touch with Hershel?” _ The man’s voice is very business-like but there’s an underlying tension that gives Beth the sense that something isn’t right.

 

“Did you call his cellphone? If he isn’t answering he’s probably on a visit. He’s a veterinarian. Can I help-” She winces as he cuts her off again. She’s probably oversharing. She does that when she’s nervous.

 

_ “What about Amy Greene, his wife?” _

 

“She’s out of town. I-”

 

_ “Miss, you said your name is Beth Greene?” _

 

“Well it is but I recently got married and-”

 

_ “Hold on please.” _

 

There’s a soft clicking sound in the background. It’s worse than the horrible canned elevator music that’s usually playing when a call’s placed on hold. It’s only a few seconds but she’s holding her breath and when the man comes back on the line she lets it go in a rush.

 

_ “You’re listed as a contact in Shawn Greene’s file. Unfortunately, I am calling because of an incident that occurred this morning…” _

 

She listens nodding occasionally but the man’s voice starts to cut out and she loses focus and it has nothing to do with a bad connection. She hears the words solitary confinement and then body and then dead. By that point, she’s completely disengaged herself from what the man is saying and the phone slips from her hand as Daryl walks in through the laundry room.

 

“I don’t- I can’t-” Looking down at the phone on the floor and then back up at Daryl she shakes her head.

 

“Beth, hey, whas’ a matter, wha-” She watches as he reaches for the phone and puts it up to his ear and he’s talking to the man on the other end so Beth doesn’t have too. Maybe she heard wrong, maybe it’s a joke or a badly played prank.

 

“She’s my wife! Whada ya mean ya can’t tell me? Authorization? Wha’ the hell man! I can’t-” Beth lays her hands on the pumpkin. It’s cool and solid beneath her fingertips. Daryl’s voice is muffled even though he’s standing right across the room. Sitting back down in the chair at the table she waits. Hands in her lap, back straight. In a minute someone will come and lead her into her mama’s room so she can say goodbye.

 

_ I hate goodbyes and my mama’s long gone, _ she thinks still sitting, still waiting.

 

“Beth? Hey girl…” He’s kneeling beside her and his hands are on her face. She doesn’t realize it, doesn’t feel it until she focuses on him.

 

“Daryl? Did they tell you- Shawn is, he’s…” She can’t even say it even though it’s on repeat in her head like a broken record.  _ Your brother was found dead. _

 

“Yeah, yeah, they did. ‘M sorry Beth.” His hands are still on her but they fall away as she stands.

 

“I need to find my daddy and Maggie, I need…” Whereas a minute ago she was stuck now all she wants to do is move. “We need to go-”

 

“No.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“I…” Her blue eyes are huge and glistening with tears that are eventually going to fall. His voice was harsh and there’s an edge of fear there that he hates. But he’s adamant. She’s not going anywhere yet. She couldn’t even hold onto the damn phone.

 

“Lemme, jus’ wait Beth, jus’ wait a minute.” Pulling a chair over he sits in front of her, takes her hands in his rubs his thumbs over the delicate bone structure. Everything about this girl is delicate but she’s proved time and again how incredibly fucking strong she is. He doesn’t doubt her but everybody has a breaking point.

 

“He killed himself. He mocked me for it before… and he, he went and did it.” Swallowing he looks down at his boots. They’re dusty and he usually kicks them off in the laundry room but he saw her and his only thought was getting to her.

 

But now he doesn’t know what to say. So he doesn’t say anything. He reaches between them, tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear and she leans into the touch which eases whatever it is that’s sitting on his chest making him hurt for her and for him. Because there’s hurt everywhere reaching back days and months and years and isn’t everything connected anyway? 

 

“I didn’t hear all he said, I mean after… What else did was there?” She’s doing her best to compose herself and he’ll accept it to some degree but it’s not this easy. It can’t be. 

 

“He ‘pologized for having ta... Havin’ ta call ya. Said he already left a message on Hershel’s phone but if we could get the message to him also. Didn’ really say much more. I ain’t on whatever contact list they got an he only tol’ me what he tol’ me cause you were upset.”

 

“I have to go talk to them, Daryl. I have to be there, I have too…” This is part of it, being a family. She’ll go but not yet. Nodding he takes her hand and leads her over to the couch. He sits and she readily follows curling up beside him and dragging the blanket over them both. 

 

He's already thinking about where Beth’s head might be and the part she thinks she plays in all this. He hopes he’s wrong, but he knows her, better than he knows himself in some ways.

 

“I know ya do.”  _ I jus’ need ta make sure yer okay, that when ya go you’ll be…  _ Be what?

 

“I’m good Daryl. I mean I’m not-” Soft laughter because fuck she doesn’t know any more than he does. But they’re talking and she knows she can turn to him for anything. And maybe, for now, that’s all they can do. “I know how he must’ve felt… in that moment, but I wish, I wish he’d been able to see past it.” Her eyes are far away remembering.

 

“Ain’t everybody as strong as you-”

 

“You keep saying that I’m strong, But I’m, I don’t feel that strong sometimes. You, you’re the strong one, you made it out of… you..” She’s referring to his childhood and his mama. He thought about it more than once back then, not being alive, even prayed sometimes that his daddy’s fist would finally end it all. But it never did and suicide hadn’t been an option. Not after his mama. And maybe he hoped his life would get better. Maybe he had some kind of hope even when all he felt was despair.

 

“Everybody’s hell is different. Go see yer daddy, I’ll be here-”

 

“You’re not coming?”

 

“This is somethin’ ya need ta do together. I’ll be right here, ya need me ya call okay?” She doesn’t look happy about it but she nods and he leans in, his fingers on her chin and kisses her. It’s not soft, not at all what he’d call gentle but it’s how he feels and knows she feels and it just says things words can’t.

 

Once she’s gone he realizes she never cried. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

She called Maggie as she headed over to the farm. All Maggie had said was I know, go to daddy’s. 

 

As she pulls up in front of the farmhouse she feels a flicker of the panic she felt earlier on the phone but she breathes deep and thinks about her family and how they need to stick together this time. They can’t fall apart.

 

Maggie isn’t there yet and her daddy is sitting in a rocker on the porch. He gets up as she climbs the stairs and leans into his crutch. The one he rarely uses. The one he put away when he got his prosthetic leg. Unless.

 

“Daddy?”

 

“Come here Bethy.” He’s holding his arm out and she steps into the familiar embrace of her father. “I’m so sorry you had to get that call.” He holds her close and she can feel him trembling just slightly.

 

“I’m okay daddy. I was a contact on the list. I-” She dropped the phone and Daryl had to finish the call. That’s not really okay. But.

 

“Your sister is on her way.” He lets her go and settles back in the chair. She takes this as her cue to sit too. “I knew he was in a bad place when we left. I just didn’t know…” He doesn’t say anything else because it’s her. The daughter who may or may not have tried to kill herself.

 

Maggie comes barreling down the drive and Hershel shakes his head. Maggie always drove too fast. From the minute she got her license she’d been dubbed hell on wheels. How she managed not to get pulled over on a continuous basis is a mystery. 

 

She has slowed down though. When the twins are in the car she manages to follow the posted speed limit. She’s obviously alone right now. Beth breathes easy knowing that her sister is here to fill in the parts of the conversation that are going to get awkward.

 

“Daddy!” Maggie comes up the stairs and before Hershel can even get up she’s crowding into the chair with him. She’s crying. Sobbing actually. All Beth has managed are a few stray tears.

 

Guilt.

 

It’s a few seconds that feel like forever, watching them grieve before Maggie climbs out of her daddy’s embrace and joins Beth on the swing. She immediately wraps her arms around Beth and it’s too tight but Beth doesn’t say anything just does her best to hug back. Maggie finally lets her go and sits back in the swing.

 

“What happened? Did they say anything daddy?” Maggie asking why sets her nerves on edge. But of course, she’s going to ask that. It’s only normal, wanting to know why.

 

“They don’t have anything. An investigation will be conducted but they aren’t going to find anything. If there was a note it would have been found by now.” Hershel rubs his face. “He was in solitary confinement because of his behavior during and after our last visit. But he wasn’t on suicide watch. He’d never done anything to warrant that.” Hershel explains.

 

They want an explanation. And they should get one because it hurts, losing Shawn hurts. Almost losing her hurt. It hurt them. She hurt them just like this.

 

“He was getting help, wasn’t he? Counseling? He had court and a release date! I just don’t understand.” Maggie’s angry. And Beth is somewhere in between, she doesn’t fit. They’re grieving over Shawn’s suicide because for them that’s what it is.

 

But for her it’s different. It's just not the same.

 

It’s a cool autumn afternoon and Beth shivers as she pulls her sweater tighter around her. She feels like an intruder and maybe it’s ridiculous and she shouldn't but she does. Was this what it was like after she did what she did? Did they cry? Comfort one another?

 

They came to her in the E.R., she remembers that. Her daddy had been in a wheelchair, his leg in a cast from the fall. And they’d all looked so sad. Like they look now. Because of what Shawn did. Because of what she did.

 

“What do we do now daddy?” Maggie asks gently.

 

Beth sees it. How he breaks, finally. She’s seen him at his worst or so she thought. This is a completely different level of worse.

 

“I buried my wife, now I’m burying my son.” 

 

It’s Maggie who goes to him. Maggie who comforts him, like the last time. Because last time it was her fault. 

 

“We’re here, we’ll do it together daddy. It’s gonna be okay.” Maggie’s voice is soft and soothing but it’s telling lies because what if it’s not okay? Out of some sense of obligation, Beth forces herself to join them. Because if she can do anything to make her daddy okay, anything to keep him here, not let him go where he went when her mama died she will.

 

“We’re here daddy,” she parrots Maggie and rests a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Inside she’s screaming, inside where he can’t hear. Where no one can hear. 

 

Y _ a need me, ya call.  _ That’s what Daryl said. If she called he’d come. He always comes, always catches her.

 

But maybe she doesn’t deserve to be caught. 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He’s working on some bolts in the garage when Merle comes in. 

 

“Hey, little brother! Brought ya a beer, seen Beth head out so I thought I’d visit. Ain’t worth it when y’all are here together. Don’t pay a lick of attention to nothing but each other!” He laughs good-naturedly but it’s probably true. It seems like lately unless they’re working or Beth is at school they spend most of their time together at home. And he’s perfectly okay with that.

 

But a beer sounds good right now. He takes it from Merle and nods his thanks, opens it and takes a big drink. Then he looks at his brother.

 

“Beth got a call earlier from the prison.” This gets Merle’s attention. “Shawn killed himself.” There’s no easy way to say it so he just says it.

 

“What the hell?” He looks as shocked as Daryl felt. “Of all the people ta get that call… she okay?” Merle’s concern is for Beth before anyone else and Daryl couldn’t even tell his brother how much that means to him if he tried. He’s concerned for the whole family of course, but Beth is his first priority. She’s always gonna be. It didn’t sit well with him at all letting her leave and he’s been trying to keep himself busy but his head isn’t in it and his heart left with her.

 

“She wasn’, not a first. Wanted ta take off an go find her dad and all that but I didn't let her. I made her wait as long as I could. But she seemed okay when she left,” he says taking another long drink.

 

“Ya didn’ wanna go with her?”

 

“Nah, thas’ between them.” Merle is shaking his head.

 

“Tha’ family has had their share of trouble thas’ fer sure. Think I’ll stop in over there in the next day ‘er two, see if I can do anything ta help.” Daryl nods. He’ll do the same. Whatever Beth needs, he’ll do it. 

 

“ ‘S hard ta lose someone ya love ta suicide. Ain’t no answers mosts times. The jail don’ know nothin’?”

 

“Didn’t say. Beth kinda lost it after they tol’ her and I got on the line but they couldn’ tell me shit. Only tol’ me what they did cause she’s my wife and the guy callin’ knew she was upset.”

 

“Tha’s a shame, guy had a family, them little girls…” Little girls. Abbi. Daryl didn’t think he could feel any worse but apparently, he can. And it makes him angry. He was trying to keep his judgment neutral because of Beth. Ranting and raving about what Shawn did didn’t feel right, not with where she’s been.

 

She said something earlier about knowing how her brother must have felt in the moment. His heart aches for her despair and maybe that makes it possible for him to be angry with Shawn but to also realize the guy couldn’t have been in a good place in his head to opt out on his family, his daughters. Maybe Beth was right about there being more to it all with him and Amy.

 

But people leave even when they should stay. 

 

And it still doesn’t change the fact that two little girls will grow up without their father.

 

“What was our mama like before, ya know before me?” The question itself doesn’t surprise him. He’s thought about it for as long as he can remember but the fact that he asks it does. Kind of.

 

“Been wonderin’ if ya was ever gonna ask me that?” Merle says quietly. There’s a whole host of reasons why he didn’t ask and they continually changed over the years until eventually the answers just didn’t seem to matter anymore. They wouldn’t change anything. But after Merle talked about their mama helping him with his reading and math, sitting at a table in a kitchen Daryl doesn’t even remember those answers do matter. 

 

“She was a good woman, too good fer our daddy and I don’ know what the hell she ever saw in him. Her parents hated him, disowned her after she got pregnant an left. I saw ‘em once that I remember. Guess they musta had hopes fer her. Hopes and dreams.” Merle smiles.

 

“Way it’s supposed ta be,” Daryl says quietly. He sits the beer aside and picks up the bolt he’d been working on. He’s attaching fletching that he made from feathers he and the boys gathered in the woods. Running his finger along the edge of the vane he listens as Merle continues.

 

“She was beautiful and she sang me songs n’ tol’ me stories. She was a good mama Daryl. Our daddy broke her. When she foun’ out she was gonna have another baby, she came back fer awhile, that mama I knew. Course by then I was such a jackass I wasn’ aroun’ much.” Merle is talking low and he’s not looking at anything specific but he’s seeing something.

 

It makes him ache, these things that Merle is saying. But he asked, wanted to know, wanted something else to fill in the blanks. There’s no question really about why she did what she did.

 

“Fer what it’s worth she loved ya Daryl.” Is that what he was looking for? Maybe love wasn’t enough. But it’s all he has.

 

“Ever wonder why she didn jus’ leave ‘em? Take me a go...”

 

“Hell, I wondered that all the time. Maybe she couldn’ see any other way out.” 

 

_ I wish he’d been able to see past it. _

 

Shrugging he looks down at the feathers he’s holding onto too tight, squeezing hard enough that he’s cracked the shaft of one and rendered it useless.

 

Whatever his mama did or didn’t do hardly matters now. And he did feel like she loved him in her own way but Merle confirming it is a soft ache somewhere in his heart where he keeps the parts of his childhood that are worth keeping.

 

He’s got Merle and Beth and a life he’s proud of. If his mama were here he thinks she might be proud of him too.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth made up an excuse, some weak pathetic thing about why she suddenly needed to leave and it was right there in their eyes, neither her daddy or Maggie believed her. She should stay, she knows she should because they’re doing this as a family, they’re sticking together, not falling apart.

 

But she’s also having a hard time looking at her father and not seeing the past. She’s been given a different perspective. And it hurts to look at what she did from this side. The guilt and shame came back to haunt her and she did her best to bear them for a long as she could sitting there on the porch with her family.

 

Until she couldn’t anymore and she had to go.

 

With home behind her, both of them, she just drove.

 

The road and how it keeps going with a turn here and there calms her. Trees and fields and the occasional farm, she can count on one hand how many cars pass her. 

 

She’s never been this way. 

 

She stops once and gets a water bottle and a bag of chips and uses a grungy gas station bathroom. There’s a stray dog sniffing her tires when she goes back to her car. He’s white somewhere under all the dirt. When she tries to share a chip with him he peers out from under matted fur with one bright eye and barks then runs off.

 

It lightens her heavy heart a little and she decides to turn back. Go home and talk to Daryl.

 

She’s another half hour out trying to find her way back when her car sputters and starts to slow down a little and it’s then that she notices the gas light flashing bright yellow on her dash. It’s probably been flashing for some time and she just hadn’t been paying attention. She has no idea where she is or how long she’s been driving although judging by the fact that it’s dark now and it wasn’t when she left the farm, it has to have been a few hours at least.

 

Steering the car off the shoulder of the road she puts it in park and gets out. It’s dark and it’s cold and she’s lost. She’s having trouble remembering every turn she took when a dead end forced her to make a choice and it’s even harder trying to figure it out now that it’s dark.

 

The moon is a crescent, not even close to being full, almost empty and that’s how she feels. What was she thinking? She wasn’t, that’s the problem. 

 

Sitting back in the driver’s seat she leaves the door open and uses the weak light from the overhead dome to search for her phone. It’s not in her bag or on the seat. She could have left it behind… frustration and fear, everything she took away from her daddy’s house with her, losing Shawn and knowing that he must’ve been in a place like her when he did it, all of this finally spills over and she lays her head on the steering wheel and doesn’t fight the tears. 

 

Driving all over her little corner of the state of Georgia didn’t bring her any peace at all. She’s lost and scared and cold because she didn’t bring a jacket and she should have just gone home to their couch and a blanket and Daryl.

 

Daryl. Thinking of him makes her cry even harder because he’s probably worried by now. Maybe even more than worried and if she could just find her damn phone…

 

She hears it, a faint buzz, somewhere. Wiping her face on her sleeve she pushes the door open and leans down running her hand under the seat.

 

“Don’t hang up.. Don’t hang up…” Her fingers brush against the source of the vibration and she snatches it out from under the seat. 

 

“Daryl?”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Hours. She left the house to go to the farm at three. It’s nine thirty and he’s in Merle’s truck trying to navigate the GPS on his phone to find her.

 

She’d finally answered her phone and she’d been crying so hard he couldn’t understand anything she was saying. And he might have yelled a little to get her to listen to him and take a deep breath and start over again. 

 

“I told ya ta call me if ya needed me!” 

 

_ I need you _

 

He stayed on the phone with her while she walked down the road until she came to a street sign. Then he put the info in his phone and a map popped up with a little blue line and a pulsing blue dot. And Beth is waiting at the end, a destination.

 

He’s following it now and she’s still with him breathing on the other end of the line. And apologizing as if she’s inconveniencing him. Scaring the shit out of him for sure but inconveniencing him- never.

 

As hard as it is for him to do, he finally lets her hang up because her phone battery is low and she doesn’t have a charger. He makes her promise to stay in the car and lock the doors. She promises and apologizes again her voice soft and sad and he hopes that he doesn’t run into any cops because he’s going at least 20 mph over the posted speed limit. 

 

Two hours after he set out to find her he comes to the intersection she’d given him over the phone. It’s four corners and a stop sign in the middle of nowhere. Her car is just past it on the side of the road. He passes it and pulls over then backs Merle’s truck close enough so that he can load onto the tow dolly.

 

But first he needs to see her and she must be thinking the same thing because she’s out of the car before he even gets to it. She hesitates for a second and he reaches for her, curls an arm around her shoulder and pulls her against him.

 

“Beth whada ya doin’? Why?” She’s shivering and he doesn’t know if it’s from the cold or the crying which she started in as soon as she was pressed to his chest. Moving them both in the direction of the truck he shushes her apologies again.

 

“Lemme get my other hoodie, hang on…” With one hand wrapped around her arm, he leans into the cab and grabs the sweatshirt. He holds it for her as she pulls it over her head and slides her arms into the sleeves. It’s huge on her and her hair is a mess and from what he can see in the dim light coming from the cab her eyes are pink and swollen. She’s been crying for a while. She needed to. He knew that when she left. But she could’ve come home and he would’ve held her and she wouldn’t be stuck out here cold and shivering in the middle of nowhere.

 

“Thank you,” she whispers.

 

“Jus’ a hoodie.” He knows that’s not what she’s talking about but now that he’s got her he isn’t sure where to start. He doesn't want to come off as accusatory because she’s dealing with enough but he’s upset and scared and they said they’d talk. They made that promise to each other. They’re supposed to talk.

 

“It’s more than that. For coming here, for- I should’ve come home and I made you worry-”

 

“Worry? I was fuckin’ scared, Beth!” There he said it. “Ya can’t…”

 

“I know. I-

 

“Why’d ya take off? I called yer sister. She thought you was coming home.” She doesn’t answer him at first. 

 

“What Shawn did, I’m so angry at him… I’m so… but I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to want everything to stop. What I didn’t know was how much it would hurt seeing what it did to my family.”

 

“Beth..”

 

“I hurt them.” So small, her voice is so small and she’s being swallowed up in his big hoodie and all the pain that she wants to carry on her shoulders that isn’t hers to carry. Not alone. Not anymore.

 

“And you? Ya wasn’t hurtin’ then? Ya ain’t hurtin’ now? I don’ give a fuck ‘bout nobody ‘cept you. I ain’t gonna let ya blame yerself. Sides yer family ain’t seeing things like you are. Shit, I had ta flat out tell Hershel he couldn’t come with me ta find ya! Maggie texted at least twenty times on my way here… only one blamin’ you fer anything is you, Beth. Ya gotta stop.”

 

“I don’t know how.”

 

“When I was little I used ta think about how I coulda saved my mama. If I’d been home, if I’da skipped school that day I coulda put out the fire, coulda saved her. Thing is I couldn’t save her cause she didn’ wanna be saved. Took me a long time ta let go of that. But holding on ta that was easier than wondering why she left me behind.”

 

“She didn’t do it on purpose Daryl... She didn’t. People always think that suicide is a choice. It’s not. Not really, not like choosing what you want to eat for lunch or what clothes you’re going to wear. All you want to do is stop the hurt. I guess that means different things for different people. She wasn’t trying to hurt you, Daryl… I don’t think..”

 

“An you weren’t trying ta hurt anybody either were ya?” His mama loved him. She loved him but she was in so much pain that’s all she saw. 

 

“No, I wasn’t…”

 

“Then ya gotta let it go.”

 

“I’m sorry your mama’s gone, Daryl.”

 

“Me too and I’m sorry Shawn’s gone. But Beth,” Taking her face in his hands and looking in her eyes the best he can in the low light, “ I’m so fuckin’ glad yer here.”

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They don’t get home until close to two in the morning. They couldn’t drive as fast as Daryl told he was driving on the way there because they’re towing her car. They also stopped off at a diner because neither of them ate any dinner.

 

Beth made two phone calls immediately after getting in the truck with Daryl. First, she called Maggie and tried apologizing but Maggie wouldn’t hear it.  _ We’re all hurting Beth just please don’t run off like that. Go to Daryl or talk to me. We can get through anything as long as we do it together.  _ Of course, she cried again, but just a little and having Daryl’s arm around her made it easier.

 

After Maggie, she called her daddy. He wouldn’t let her apologize either.  _ I won’t push you aside because of my grief this time Beth. We need each other.  _ Then she told him what she’d been thinking about, something her and Daryl talked about while they ate sticky pancakes and greasy bacon that tasted like heaven.

 

“I want to talk about what I did. Maybe it will help both of us.”

 

They left the truck with her car in the driveway in front of the shop and walked back to their cabin. He held her hand the whole way and she saw how he kept looking over at her. Little stolen glances.

 

They get inside and he’s still looking at her and even though they’ve been talking all night something tells her he isn’t finished yet.

 

“Daryl?” She’s shimming out of her jeans and he’s just standing there watching her. She’s very rarely self-conscious undressing in front of him anymore. Sometimes his gaze makes her feel other things though. And maybe this is one of those times.

 

“Beth, I wanna-” His voice is hoarse like it pains him to say whatever he’s trying to say. But his eyes give him away as they rove over her body like he’s reached out touched her most sensitive places. Not wanting to break whatever spell they’re under she tugs her shirt over her head and tosses it aside followed by her bra until she’s standing there in just her little white panties.

 

“What do you want Daryl?” The black in his eyes has swallowed the blue and he licks his lips as he moves towards her. Even like this, there’s an overlying shyness as he really does reach out and touch her, cupping a breast in his hand.

 

“Love you... I wanna love you, I need ta feel you an I know it’s late but I was so fuckin’ scared Beth an yer everything ta me, all I ever want is ta take care of you…” He’s being so gentle and she knows gentle is not what this is about. 

 

It’s about being alive and knowing how precious that is.

 

“Take care of me, Daryl… I want that too…” There’s a charge in the air, almost like the ozone right before a storm. And she can feel her body reacting to his hand on her breast, thumb circling the hardening nipple. It’s anticipation and she relishes it knowing it’s not going to last. This is the foreplay with little emphasis on the play. His shirt is off followed by his jeans. The last thing to go is her panties and she hears them rip as he slides them down her legs.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

He could let himself feel guilty about this, but he won’t. He leans into her, kisses her hard and fast sliding his hand into her hair and tugging until her head falls back. He lets his teeth graze her pulse point on the side of her neck, nips at the sensitive skin making her gasp as he backs her up until her legs hit the bed. This throws her off balance and they go down together. 

 

Stretching out an arm he braces himself so he’s hovering above her. He slides a hand between them and cups her. She whimpers and bucks up into his hand warm and wet. Already. He hasn’t even touched her. Until now.

 

Hissing out a breath he moves between her legs and he thinks about taking his time, going slow and making it last. Because that would be good too. That isn’t what he needs, it isn’t what she needs either. He slides his arm under her knee and lifts it as she wraps the other one around his waist. Lowering his face to her breast he sucks a nipple into his mouth and worries it with his teeth biting down until she’s squirming underneath him and his cock is throbbing.

 

“Put it in,” he whispers hotly against her ear and he groans as her fingers wrap around his length. He glances down at her hand between them, precome dripping down over her knuckles. Groaning he raises his head, shakes the hair from his eyes and implores her. “Fuck girl.. put it in!”

 

Buried deep inside her, he holds her raised knee against his hip and slams into her. He’s not worried about hurting her. He gave up worrying about that a long time ago. She wants this as much as he does. Maybe even more. Raising her hips she meets his thrusts and her body is tight around his cock, holding him there as he fucks her in smooth quick thrusts until he’s close to coming and it's all he can do to hold out and let her catch up which only takes seconds when she gets her hand between them and on her clit. He’s seen the magic her fingers work on the piano, she plays her body in almost the exact same way until she’s keening and he's the one catching up. 

 

He shudders a full body shudder that drags the breath from him and he eases down beside her. Half on her half off and nuzzles into the hollow of her neck.  Her hands are in his hair and she combing her fingers through it.

“I love you…” she whispers. She loves him. This little whip of a girl. His girl. His woman. She’s stronger than any other woman he’s ever known except Carol and his mama. 

Taking his hands in hers, she brings them to her lips, kisses them softly and presses them to her chest so he can feel her heartbeat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This was a tough chapter to write. For numerous reasons. The main one being the question am I doing the right thing by killing off a character? I still don’t know if it was the right choice but it made it possible to bring to light the guilt (self-imposed) that Beth harbors because she’s a suicide attempt survivor. Not that she wishes she’d died because that isn’t the case. She never wanted to die. She just wanted to stop feeling the way she felt and didn’t know how to reach out and tell someone. As for suicide, it should be talked about. It’s not polite conversation but it’s a reality and refusing to talk about it won’t make it go away. Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate every single one of you even if you don’t leave a comment!**
> 
> **Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255**


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Healing hurts too.**

 

“Beth, Beth! We gotta go!” It’s cold and dark and there’s water everywhere. Beth is struggling with the sleeping bag, searching for the zipper, trying to free herself. The wind is howling and there’s rain pelting against the sides of what she knows is a tent. Daryl’s shaking her, roughly and it’s not anything at all like the way he touches her or holds her.

 

“Go on! Get outta here! I’ll meet ya at the truck.” Get out of where? Where is she? The walls of the tent fade away and she’s in the woods and there’s a house in the distance.

 

“I’m not leaving you!” Twisting and turning she fights with the sleeping bag until it turns into blankets, dry and warm and strong arms wrapped around her, holding her.

 

“Beth, com’on wake-up, it’s a bad dream…” She feels warm breath on her cheek, the shell of her ear and when she's finally able to force her eyes open the light is dim and watery but there’s no tent, no rain or wind. Just their bed in their room and Daryl’s arms around her.

 

He’s looking down at her, his brow furrowed and his eyes swollen with sleep like she’s sure hers must be.

 

“Daryl?” Her voice is raspy and her throat stings. She must’ve been screaming.

 

“ ‘Nother bad dream?” he whispers and when she nods her pulls her closer, wrapping his arms tighter around her as if he alone can keep the monsters at bay.

 

And he has been for the past month.

 

“What time is it?” she yawns.

 

“ ‘S early, go on back ta sleep. I got ya.” But sleep doesn’t come easy anymore and it could be partly her fault because she fights it until she can’t anymore and passes out from exhaustion.

 

“I don’t think I-”

 

“Beth ya gotta sleep.”

 

“I do.” Kind of. The sleep she does get is haunted by bad dreams, nightmares, visions that seem so real sleep is the last place she wants to go.

 

“Yeah? Well, ya ain’t gettin’ much. Yer tossin’ and turnin’ all night most nights-”

 

“I’m sorry Daryl,” she whispers snuggling closer, stretching out and draping a leg over his hip. “Maybe if we-”

 

“Uh uh…” Cupping her cheek he softens his words, brushes his lip against hers, “not that I don’ want it, but ‘s been going on too long. Maybe ‘s time ta talk ta someone.”

 

Get help.

 

A couple of weeks ago after what she’s deemed the worst of the nightmares, one in which her mama came out of the barn, the old one that was there before the fire, she came stumbling out when Beth opened it up. The only reason Beth knew it was her mama was by the dress the thing was wearing. A monster in her mama’s dress and it’d come after Beth.  

 

Daryl had tried waking her up, fought with her to get ahold of her and he’d just about given up and called Merle when she’d collapsed in his arms crying. It had been another week before she actually crawled into bed and tried to sleep. 

 

She’d walked around like a zombie, both of them had. She’d left work early one morning and came home and found him on her laptop. He hadn’t said anything at first, just turned the screen so she could see. “Depression and Suicide”, was the title of whatever he’d been reading at the time. He confessed there were others, so many he couldn’t remember them all.

 

“I don’ know what ta do for you and I need ta know, I wanna be able ta help. Yer my girl-” He’d been nervous and embarrassed going behind her back. But all Beth felt in that moment was how much he loved her and she thought, really thought about how this was affecting him, not just his sleep either and she’d agreed to call and make an appointment with one of the therapists she’d been seeing when she cut her wrist. 

 

She’d called and made an appointment. But it was still two weeks away. And the dreams, although they were less frequent, were still keeping her up. Her and him.

 

“I’ll call again today and ask to be seen as soon as possible.” He’s warm and solid and the dream is already fading away. Maybe she could sleep if she tried. But she knows he won’t. He’ll be watching her, on alert and he needs sleep just as much as she does. Maybe more.

 

“I ain’t tryin’ ta tell ya what ta do…”

 

“Yeah, you are… because you love me. And you’re worried. This is what we do, we take care of each other.” Laying her hand on his cheek and brushing back his hair she smiles at the face she’s come to love more than she ever realized it was possible to love. 

 

“ ‘S all I wanna do, fer the rest of my life, Beth.” He’s so perfect. He deserves so much, a life that loves him, not hurts. Making that call as soon as she can is what she’s going to do. For him. 

 

“Daryl,” she whispers, “it’s not like it was before. I’m sad sometimes and sleeping is, well you know… but I want to be here with you.”  _ I’m not going to try and kill myself _ is what she wants to say, but the words are sharp like glass and if it hurts her to think them… she can’t even imagine what those words will do to him. So she’ll keep them to herself.

 

“Okay.” It's going to be there for the rest of their lives, what she did and how she could do it again. And if she has to keep on reassuring him that she won’t. Ever. She’ll do that.

  
  


**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Beth kept her promise and after their third visit and a couple of weeks of uninterrupted sleep, the world looks incredibly different. 

 

He’d felt guilty for going on her laptop. It almost felt like spying. But once he started reading he couldn’t stop. He was looking for ways to be there for Beth and he’d inadvertently stumbled upon all the things he carried too. It hurt to read thinking about her but it was like opening old wounds when he realized he was here, a damaged child, a survivor of a parents suicide, of abuse, addiction, pain…

 

Childhood resilience, determination, stubbornness, whatever it was that brought him through it all is of little concern to him- or it had been until she reached out for help and had taken him with her.

 

Everything her therapist has said could apply to him also. He’s there to support her but maybe he can take something away for himself too.

 

He doesn’t write in a journal like her therapist suggests Beth take up doing again.

 

He doesn’t make lists of things he can do when he’s feeling down.

 

He doesn’t meditate or do yoga- because no.

 

But he does pay attention. And he knows what it feels good and where and when running is okay and warranted. And as she works towards peace and acceptance he goes with her.

 

Because he’s always gonna be where she is. She’s his whole world. She’s the only one that can look at him and make him feel like he’s home, he belongs to her and she belongs to him.

 

“You’re awfully quiet over there Mr. Dixon- you okay?” She teases but it’s gentle and he likes it.

 

And he is okay. One hand on the steering wheel the other in her lap, this is all good.

 

“Mmm hmm. Kinda hungry though.”

 

“Me too- we also need groceries. I’m cooking tonight. No more sandwiches, real food.”

 

“I’ll help.” He knew this would get him a smile. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yep.” She settles against him and slides her hand palm up underneath his and weaves their fingers together.

 

“We’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna be okay,” she says softly. He’s been in it for the long haul regardless. Losing her to a place he can’t reach her is a fear he refuses to give into. Because honestly, he believes Beth is the strongest out of all of them. She just needed to figure that out. 

 

She’s been doing that since they met. Maybe it’s got something to do with him, she seems to think so or maybe it was just finally time.

 

He squeezes her hand as they drive. It’s late afternoon and it may or may not rain. The weather has been indecisive lately teasing them with Spring and then throwing Winter right back in their faces like a cruel joke.

 

She wants to plant flowers, she’s been making lists since October. He wants to see the sun on her face, in her hair filling her up and warming her to her toes. But he can do the job if the clouds roll in, in fact, it might be nice curling up in front of the fire after they make dinner.

 

They grab a cart and hurry into the store as the first fat raindrops start falling. She leads the way and he follows. Clearance shelves full of marked down holiday items don’t turn her head like they might have. The holidays were tough but they managed to get through them. Thanksgiving was at Maggie’s and Glenn’s and they had Christmas for everyone in their new home. So it was more about showing that off than it was about Christmas and traditions. They can pick that all up next year. 

 

She’s bouncing around taking things off the shelves and talking and laughing and he has no clue what she’s saying. He’s lost. Watching her read the container of oatmeal and the way a tendril of hair falls against her cheek. Her brow furrows for a second and then with a small shrug she sets the oats in the cart. She’s got her sights set on something else when he wraps a hand around her arm and pulls her between him and the cart and wraps his arms around her, buries his face in her hair and whispers,

 

“Yer the best thing thas’ ever happened ta me, Beth…” Her arms slide up around his neck and he feels her soft lips against his cheek. Sometimes it’s possible to leave Beth Greene speechless. Not an easy feat but he's managed to do it a time or two. As quickly as it began it’s over and they’re walking through the store again. 

 

But it’s different because she’s walking with him, her hand in his and a smile on her face that makes him feel like they have a secret. Damn romance novel shit.

 

He wouldn’t change it for anything.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They ate in front of the fire. Daryl had it roaring as she carried a tray with soup and salad and breadsticks to the rug. They’ve been eating dinner here more than they have at the table. She needs to remember to thank Aaron and Eric again. The rug is one of her favorite things in the house.

 

“Soups good.” He’s watching her from under the fringe of dark hair that always falls in his eyes. His gaze is tactile. It holds her like his arms and his hands. It makes her want to climb into his lap so he’s holding her for real.

 

“You’re going to have to go hunting, get some meat you approve of. And then teach me how to cook it.”

 

“Might have ta take you with me, let you try out all yer new skills.” His crooked grin will be the death of her. And the way he licks the butter off of his fingers…

 

“Last time camping didn’t go so well.” She’d like to go back and re-do that night. But after everything, they were stronger as a couple. She would just rather not have to go through anything like that again.

 

“Won’ happen again. Ain’t lettin’ ya leave the tent without me.” He slurps a spoon full of soup and the glint in his eye dares her to challenge him. 

 

“As long as you cover your eyes while I pee.” He nods and it’s settled. Stretching her foot out she runs it against his thigh and leaves it there. Touching. 

 

His phone buzzes and when he answers she takes their bowls and heads into the kitchen. She hears him say  _ Hey Rick _ and he only ever lets a call interrupt something they’re doing together when it’s Rick or his brother. Otherwise, he lets it go to voice mail. She doesn’t eavesdrop on his conversations but she likes to hear the way he talks to Rick, the ease with which his side of the conversation seems to flow. That says a lot about how Daryl feels about Rick. 

 

The same with Aaron. It’s like some people come into your life and they just fit. Daryl hasn’t ever said that but Beth can see it. He isn’t comfortable with a lot of people and certainly not right off the bat. But with Aaron he was and Rick, she thinks that was a friendship waiting to happen. 

 

It’s good for Daryl. He deserves to have good things in his life. 

 

Humming she loads the dishwasher and goes back for the rest of the dishes and finds Daryl staring into the fire a small smile on his face.

 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Leaving the dishes for a minute she ducks under his arm and settles in his lap. Because she wanted this earlier. To sit with him.

 

“Rick’s looking at bikes. Wants ta get one.” Daryl says and she can tell he’s amused but pleased too.

 

“Does he ride?”

 

“He has. ‘S been a while but he wants ta ride with me.” Now he’s definitely pleased.

 

“You gonna run off and ride with him and leave me behind?” She’s teasing and hopes her smile conveys that.

 

“Hell no! Sides Michonne’s all fer it. Wants to be his ole lady.”

 

“So we can double date!” She loves their rides when it’s just the two of them and knows sometimes he needs to go all on his own and clear out his head, but riding with friends, especially Rick will be a different kind of fun.

 

“Yeah guess we can,” he says reaching for her braid and running his finger over it. “I’m gonna go with him tomorrow after work, check out a couple bikes.” He says it like he’s asking, but really he’s just checking in without explicitly saying so. It’s how they work.

 

“Okay. I wanted to go ride with Abbi. See my daddy and Claire.” She brushes the hair from his brow so she can see his eyes. They’re her favorite shade of blue. His blue. Her blue is soft, his is deep. He makes her think in poems and sometimes there’s a song there too. She won’t ever tell him that he’s her muse. Although he’d probably get it.

 

“Wanna cut ‘em? Getting kinda long,” he murmurs leaning in and kissing the corner of her mouth.

 

“I like them long but I guess I could trim them a bit. You trust me?” The blue she was admiring goes a shade darker as he stares at her.

 

“Girl, I trust ya with my fuckin’ life…” 

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

There’s a chill in the air and she’s glad she decided on extra layers. Beans snorts and she can see the horses breath in the air. She’s stomping her feet and tossing her mane. She loves being brushed and Beth is running the curry comb along her back. Dandelion, on the other hand, hates being brushed and she’s keeping her distance nosing in the grass at the edge of the pasture.

 

Beth hears the bus and through the trees, she can see it pulling away. Three figures come walking up the road. Two big and one small one in the middle. The little one spots her and screeches and starts running.

 

“Auntie Beth!” Beth leaves her brushing to meet Abbi at the fence.

 

“Hi, Abbi!”

 

“Are we riding today?” Her smile stretches from ear to ear and she’s bouncing on her toes.

 

“Yep. But you need to finish brushing her okay? I got the top, just get her belly and flanks.” Abbi’s already dropped her backpack and she’s scrambling through the rungs on the fence. “Do you have homework?” Beth asks.

 

“Just reading and I do that with mama or Papa at night.” The little girl is itching to get next to her horse, Beth can see it, knows exactly what it feels like so she hands her the curry comb and lets her go. DJ and Beau are waiting there and Beth smiles at the boys. They look so grown up. Maybe it’s just because of Abbi being so much smaller.

 

“I didn’t know you guys got off the bus here,” Beth says.

 

“Mama wanted us to. We gotta look out fer her,” DJ explains and Beth detects a bit of pride in his words.

 

“We get ta walk home through the woods! Unless it’s raining then Mr. Hershel’s ‘posed ta call Mama,” Beau adds.

 

“That’s really nice of you guys.” Beth blinks doing her best not to get all mushy and ruin the moment.

 

“Ain’t nothin’, she’s family. Dixon’s take care of their own.” Beau is his father's son and Merle would be proud to know that his boys are listening to him. 

 

They tell Beth they have to go or their mama will whip them for being late, which is a lie but they run off giggling knowing full well they haven’t fooled her.

 

Beth joins Abbi next to Beans and watches as the little girl does her best to reach all of Beans’ favorite spots to be brushed. The horse even lowers her head so Abbi can scratch her ears.

 

“We better muck the stalls real quick too,” Beth says.

 

“Okay. Papa got me a little pitchfork cause that big one is too hard to hold. I did Beans’ stall all by myself! Papa says I’m just like you!” 

 

They take care of the stalls and Beth puts the saddle on Beans and Abbi works the buckles. She’s already learned to put the bridle on without any help and once again Beans seems to understand that she needs to lower head so Abbi can reach. 

 

The little girl and her horse have a connection and Beth thinks of Nellie and how this could be a memory from her past. Her and her mama doing the exact same thing while she learned how to saddle and bridle Nellie. And then riding together like Beth and Abbi will be doing.

 

Daryl’s been working on plans for their barn and once it’s done she thinks she might get a horse she can ride. She’s completely in love with Dandelion, but it will be a while before the little filly is ready for a rider. And maybe Claire will be crazy about horses too and the timing will be perfect.

 

“You ready?” Beth doesn’t need to ask. Abbi is always ready to ride.

 

“Yes! Can we ride to your house and show Uncle Daryl?” Abbi asks.

 

“I don’t know if he’s home yet but we can go over there and check. First I want you to do a few things in the arena. Just you though, is that okay?”

 

“All by myself?” Her eyes are sparkling and Beth laughs. Abbi has struggled with feelings of guilt and anger since Shawn’s death. She’s going to counseling with Amy and Claire, and it’s helping. But it’s still heartbreaking and Beth wishes she could take it all away.

 

This time though Abbi has her whole family with her. Even Hershel has been going. He came to Beth shortly after his first visit and apologized for not doing something, anything for her after her mama died. 

 

“I didn’t think then that talking to anyone would help. I was wrong Bethy, about so many things and I’m sorry.” Of course, Beth forgave him even though he’s told her many times he isn’t looking for forgiveness, he just needs her to know that he’s sorry, that he was wrong. It hurts, Beth won't deny that but like everything else, it’s only getting easier. And they have each other. That’s what matters.

 

Beth’s been working with Abbi on balance and although she keeps Beans on a lead line, the horse is patient and seems to know her rider is small and inexperienced. But Abbi is learning so fast and she loves it and it’s a joy to watch her. The therapist the girls are seeing was thrilled to find out that Abbi’s riding because that more than anything will be an escape for the little girl and doing it with a family member she loves and trusts is probably going to be the best part of her healing.

 

And Beth is healing right along with her.

 

“You’re really doing good Abbi! I’m so proud of you! You’ll be riding all on your own soon!” Beth smiles up at her niece who is beaming.

 

“And you’ll get a horse too so we can go together right?”

 

“Yep! Alright, let’s go for a real ride!” Beth leads Beans and Abbi out of the pasture and of course Dandelion whinnies and runs to the fence. But Beth’s ready with an apple because this happens every time. She’s working on getting Dandelion to be comfortable on a lead so they can take her out too. But for now, an apple is enough to keep her happy. Beth mounts Beans behind Abbi and they head off into the woods.

 

Once they’re moving and the gait of the horse has lulled them into a comfortable place Beth puts the reins in Abbi’s hands.

 

“How was school?” she asks. Abbi holds the reins steady, taking her job as driver very seriously.

 

“It’s good. I like first grade. We get to be on the big playground.” Beth laughs. The big playground is important. She remembers that much.

 

“And you like reading best? Your mama told me that.” 

 

“I’m in the top group! I get to take books home to read for fun.”

 

“I love reading too. I hear you like to write stories too.” Abbi has a journal and she writes in it every night because she can and it’s just another way to deal with all of her feelings about everything. Beth’s been writing in a journal for as long as she can remember. It started because she was mimicking her mama and then just continued to be something she did.

 

“In my journal, I write stuff I don’t want to say or things I remember. I don’t have to let my mama read it but sometimes I do.”

 

“I have a journal I write in too. Sometimes it helps me when I need to figure things out. Or when I want to let things go.” Abbi’s leaning into her now and she glances up at Beth.

 

“Do you let Uncle Daryl read it?” 

 

“Well, I haven’t. Do you think I should?” Beth asks, curious about Abbi’s answer.

 

“If you write something nice maybe you could. Do you write about him?” Beth nods wrapping her arms a little tighter around the little girl.

 

“I do sometimes. What about you, who do you write about?” Beth asks lightly. Abbi doesn’t answer at first. She looks down at her hands and arranges the leather straps.

 

“I write about Beans cause I love her so much. And I write about the farm… I write about daddy.” The last part comes out in a broken little voice that hurts Beth’s heart.

 

“It’s good to write about the things that make us sad. That’s how we let them go.”

 

“My daddy’s gone. Do you think he left cause he was mad at me? Mama says no but I didn’t talk to him and then he made himself die.” Beth’s throat closes up listening to her niece because even though the words are simple and she says it in such a matter of fact way, it’s huge and way too big for a little girl to carry.

 

Guilt and Beth are old friends.

 

“I think your mama’s right Abbi. I think your daddy was so sad and mad he just didn’t know what to do.” Beth isn’t sure what she should say or if she should even say anything. But Abbi’s opening up to her and if she’d had someone to talk to when she was little… 

 

“Cause his mama died?” His mama died. He lost a mama too, like Beth and just because he was fourteen doesn’t mean it was any easier. Maybe in some ways, it was harder because he was supposed to be strong, he was the oldest son and his daddy was in a bad place and someone had to look out for his younger sisters.

 

“Are you still sad cause your mama died?” It's beginning to feel like it might be too much. Because it’s Abbi and she’s just a little girl and Beth can’t break in front of her. And she very much feels like breaking. Taking a deep breath she hugs Abbi even closer.

 

“I am. Sometimes. I miss her and we’re supposed to miss the people we love when they’re gone.” 

 

“So I can miss my daddy?” Abbi is sniffling a little and Beth digs in her pocket for a tissue.

 

“Yes, you can. You can miss him and be angry at him and love him all at the same time. It's okay to feel things, Abbi. I talk to a therapist just like you do and she helps me figure out how to do things to help my feelings, things that are okay to do. Like riding Beans.”

 

“And writing stories?”

 

“Yes, and playing music and singing and dancing.” Cause we’re still alive and we have to find ways to live in the world even when its hard, even we might think we don't want to. She doesn’t say these things to Abbi. Not yet. But she can one day. And Amy can and Hershel can and even Daryl is probably going to say things that reach Abbi when she needs to be reached.

 

“I’m very angry with him. But I’m sorry for him too cause he’s never gonna meet Beans.” Beth absolutely can't say anything or she'll cry so she squeezes Abbi again and they come up beside the garage at the cabin and Daryl’s there looking at his bike and when he lifts his head and their eyes meet Beth feels like she might have been falling but now she’s found the ground, solid and safe beneath her.

 

“Hey, there cowgirls!” Daryl says reaching for Abbi but his eyes are on Beth and she knows he can see right through her. Sliding down off of Beans she glances toward the cabin.

 

“Tell Uncle Daryl all about what you can do on Beans… I’ll be right back. I’m gonna, I have to use the bathroom.” His hand brushes hers as she passes him and heads into the house through the garage.

 

The tears come before she even gets the bathroom door closed and then she sinks down onto the floor next to the tub and rests her forehead on her knees and the sobs that come from her body don’t sound like her own. Her throat hurts and she might even throw-up. Holding it in, being strong for that little girl who she still hears asking tough questions, _ are you still sad cause your mama died?  _ isn't supposed to break her. But it is.

 

She hears the backdoor and _please god don’t let him bring Abbi in here_ is all she’s thinking as she scrubs at her face. She should’ve known better, this is Daryl, her Daryl and his instincts always prove to be correct. There’s a soft knock and then the bathroom door opens and he’s on the floor beside her pulling her into his lap.

 

“Beth, hey, com’on girl what happened… are ya alright, are ya... Please talk ta me!” Her face is wet with tears and snot and her hands aren’t helping. Daryl yanks a towel from where it hangs over the tub and presses it in her hands.

 

“I’m... I’m just sad. Where’s Abbi?” She hiccups and rubs her face with the towel before tossing it on the floor and wrapping her arms around him.

 

“She’s- Merle and the boys came over. I tol’ him I needed ta come in here-” She looks up at him through blurry eyes and his concern and love almost overwhelms her.

 

“We were riding and talking… about her daddy and my mama and it hurt so bad Daryl! But she was talking and I needed to listen, I needed to be there cause no one was there for me and maybe… maybe this time it will be different.”

 

“ ‘S already different. She ain’t alone. An you ain’t either girl, ya got me.”

 

“You don't even know how- god seeing you out there was like falling and knowing someone was gonna catch me.” She's laughing a little at the absurdness but he’s serious when he cups her face in his hands and looks into her eyes.

 

“Gonna catch ya when ya fall, every time. Don’ know how many times ‘m gonna have ta remind ya…” Maybe a few more. She knows it though, her heart knows it.

 

“People leave even when we're not ready, they leave and we can’t change that. We can’t carry it either. But we have been, you and I and I don’t want Abbi to do that.”

 

“Ya ain’t gonna let her cause yer here.” She remembers what she told Daryl when he didn’t know what he was supposed to do for Abbi who had decided he was her person.  _ Just be here. _

 

“I’m here.” No one was there for her when she really needed someone to be. And Abbi has all of them but she also has Beth. “Okay.” It’s a soft acceptance for what she already kind of knew out there in the woods listening to her niece. Now she knows for sure.

 

They’re a family and no one is going to get left behind again.

 

They sit there for a few minutes more mainly because it’s what Beth needs but also because this is where they both feel safe. Then she kisses his cheek, a thank you of sorts. But never enough for all he is and does. Then he stands and takes her hand, helps her up. She starts to walk away and he stops her.

 

“Yer gonna make a damn good mama fer my kids one day.” Nodding she leans into him, no words, just his arms, and his heartbeat and everything the future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Writing is how I deal with things in my life. And Beth has always had a journal and even Abbi as young as she is can learn to use words and writing as tools for growth and change. I’ve been using journals in my preschool classrooms for years. Thankfully they’ve never had stories like Beth and Abbi’s might… Now if we could just get Daryl to take up a pen… Until next week friends! Thank you for all of your kind words and for reading. I hope that somewhere in all of this you find something to take with you if you need it!**


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **52 Chapters. One a week for the past year. I posted the first chapter on January 22, 2018. My mom passed away on March 4. Writing this was my coping mechanism. All my writing is, but this story in particular. So much of what I was going through is here in one way or another. Thank you for supporting me by reading and reviewing and inadvertently helping me heal.**
> 
> **And thank you for voting for this fic in the Moonshine Awards WIP category!**
> 
> **This is the last chapter. Beth and Daryl have come full circle. She’s his wings and he’s her song. All it took was someone believing in them to give the courage they needed to put the broken pieces of their lives back together. Not all of them fit perfectly anymore. And that’s okay. What matters is that they fit. Him and her. Together.**

They’re finally moving the piano over to the cabin. The plan had been to move it before the weather make it impossible.

 

Unfortunately, plans have a way of falling apart. 

 

But Rick’s here today to help and they’ve got the grill going with chicken and steaks. Daryl was right about offering him food. But she has a feeling Rick would have helped regardless. He's been hanging around a lot and he always checks in with her. Michonne too. 

 

Judith has a bunch of sticks clasped in one hand and a couple of rocks in the other but she keeps dropping them every time she tries to walk. She’s spending more time picking them up. Beth thought for sure the little girl would make a beeline for the flowers she’d planted a few weeks earlier. But she barely gave them a second look when Michonne pointed out how pretty they were. 

 

“She’s really into collecting things,” Michonne says. “She hordes pens and post-it notes under her pillow. And luckily she knows flowers are off limits.” Beth watches the tiny girl as she finally gives up and plops down on the grass and arranges all her treasures in her lap.

 

“I’ve got something for her!” Beth jumps up and she’s rummaging around the storage shelves Daryl set up for her gardening stuff in the corner of the garage when he comes out with a plate of meat.

 

“Ya looking fer something?” He moves up behind her balancing the plate in one hand and reaching for the box on the shelf just above her.

 

“Yeah, that little basket I had-” Taking the box he’s holding she smiles when she sees the basket. “Here it is! Judith needs something to hold all her stuff.” He’s standing right behind her now and she pushes up on her toes and kisses him quick while they’re alone.

 

“This means so much to me Daryl- I know you said I don’t need to say it, but sometimes it’s all I can say and I want to. So thank you. I promise not to bug you by playing-” He leans in and kisses her again.

 

“Stop. Ain't gonna bother me none,” he says.  

 

“I love you-” She reaches for his hand, slides her fingers between his and pulls him closer. 

 

“Coals are hot!” Rick calls and Daryl hesitates for a minute before he ducks his head and kisses her one last time whispering softly against her lips,

 

“Love you too.” Then he heads out of the garage toward Rick and the grill.

 

Every time she turns around he’s doing something that makes her realize how lucky she is.

  
  


Daryl and Rick are laughing at something over by the grill and Michonne shakes her head.

 

“Those two, most people would say they’re an unlikely pair but I think it’s the best friendship Rick’s ever had.” Beth feels the same way. Daryl doesn’t get close to people but the ones he is close to are special. And she’s known Rick forever. He’s a good man and like her and Daryl, he and Daryl just seem to belong together. They fit.

 

She watches as he walks over to where she’s sitting on the lawn with Judith, butterflies in her tummy. Still. His crooked smile and pigeon-toed walk, his strength and everything he gives to her. He deserves a beautiful life and she’ll do anything to make sure he gets it.

 

“We’re gonna head over to the farm. Be back in a few.” 

 

“Do you want us to come too? In case you need any more help?” She’s serious but he shakes his head, his smile a little wider.

 

“Nah we got it. Glenn’s already over there, said he’d help I’m sure Merle will find his way over here ta try ta help when we get back...”

 

She changed the living room around three different times before she was satisfied with the arrangement and helped Daryl measure the doorway to make sure they’d be able to bring it through the garage and laundry room. It’s not a big piano, just a standard basic upright. Daryl’s only concern is the steps to the porch at the farm. But he even made ramps for that.

 

“Okay if you’re sure..” Biting her lip she looks up at him. Teasing.

 

“Girl…” She sees the flush in his cheeks and the way his eyes stray to her lips. 

 

“We doing this? I’m starving!” Rick says as he walks up.

 

“Course ya are!” Daryl grumbles.

 

They head towards the pickup going back and forth about Rick’s appetite but Daryl glances back at her once and smiles. 

 

“Be careful!” She calls and he nods.

 

“Keep an eye on that grill ok ‘Chonne?” Michonne waves Rick on and sits down cross-legged on the grass with her and Judith.

 

“Let’s show Beth how you can count to three!” Beth manages to look away from the truck and Daryl and watch Judith and Michonne count rocks and think of all the ways she can say thank you later when they’re alone.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The short drive over to the farm is quiet which isn’t usually out of the ordinary but there’s something different about it today. It feels heavy. And Rick’s alternating picking at a loose string on his jeans and rubbing his beard.

 

He finally breaks the silence as they turn down the drive to the farm. 

 

“Michonne’s having a baby.” It’s almost like a confession edged with a tendril of nervousness that reaches out and grabs Daryl.

 

“With you?” he says it to lighten the mood that may or may not be sitting on Rick’s shoulders.

 

“Shit! Very funny Dixon- yeah with me!”

 

“And?” Rick blinks at him- confused. “Ya okay with it?” Rick’s shoulders sag, more with relief than anything else.

 

“Yeah. I think so. A little scared too. Three kids and a wife. The last one left me, then left her kids... but Michonne’s excited and she’s amazing with my kids- our kids.” Rick corrects himself. The past doesn't dictate the future, that’s one thing Daryl is learning. He isn’t his father, won’t ever be.

 

“ ‘S different. Michonne ain’t yer ex.” Daryl shifts the truck into reverse and backs up to the porch where Glenn is waiting holding his son who is his double only in miniature. The twins just turned one and they’re still so small. And so dependent on Glenn and Maggie for everything. He’d be a nervous wreck if he was them.

 

“No, she’s not. I got it right with her. Guess a baby could be right too,” Rick murmurs. As they climb the steps Glenn shoves little Oliver in Daryl’s direction.

 

“Can you take him? Elle’s screaming in there and Maggie’s in the shower-” Daryl reluctantly takes the baby who looks at him and smiles a big gummy smile a couple of pearly white teeth poking through on the bottom.

 

“What are you? The baby whisperer? Kids love you! A big hairy grumpy old-” Rick laughs.

 

“You better watch yer mouth sunshine. Ain’t old.” Daryl growls and this makes Oliver laugh, that sweet baby laugh that comes right from their bellies.

 

“Hell, I’m older than you! When are you and Beth gonna join the club?” Daryl shakes his head and bounces Oliver.

 

“Gonna wait a few years. We jus’ wanna do our own thing fer a while,” Daryl says gently as he looks into Oliver’s eyes. “But we’re gonna, one day.” Oliver reaches for the hair on his chin and tries to get ahold of it. The baby isn’t only pulling hair, he’s pulling heartstrings too.

 

Glenn comes out with another baby, tiny just like her brother but definitely more like her mama. Her little face is wet with tears until she sees Daryl and Oliver. She screeches and babbles something to which Oliver responds and when Glenn gets close enough Oliver reaches out and takes Elle’s hand.

 

“They talkin’ ta each other?” Daryl asks.

 

“Yeah, I have no clue what they’re saying but it’s cool!” The familial resemblance is so apparent. What does it feel like, he wonders, to look into the face of a child and see yourself? He can’t even imagine it and yet he wants it more than anything he’s ever wanted besides Beth.

 

One day.

 

“Alright, I’m good. Lemme have them and you guys can do what you came to do.” Maggie says as she comes out onto the porch. The babies see their mama and suddenly she’s all that exists.

 

“Oliver threw up in her hair. He's got a touch of the stomach flu we think.” Glenn says and Daryl doesn’t wait a second longer, shoves the baby into his mother’s arms.

 

“Coulda tol’ me!” Daryl exclaims. Rick chuckles and Maggie clucks her tongue.

 

“Uncle Daryl if you’re afraid of a little puke, wait until you find out about the poop!” Maggie's sings to the babies as she walks into the house. Daryl stomps down the stairs to ready the ramps and ignores the men laughing behind him.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Her mama’s piano fit right where she hoped it would. The cabin is a mix of industrial meets modern meets vintage and it works. Everything is something they added besides the wedding gifts, but even those seem to reflect one or both of them personally.

 

She played the piano for him last night after everyone left. Bits and pieces of songs she remembered from her childhood, things she’d done for school, things she’s working on. And he sat beside her on the bench with a beer listening, making her self conscious and giddy the way his eyes roamed over her until she’d stopped, rested her hands on the ivory keys searching her brain for a way to tell him how she felt.

 

“We’re gonna be sitting here together on this bench in fifty years Daryl and I’ll sing your favorite songs.”

 

“Sure ya wanna keep me around fer that long?” he murmured, teasing her.

 

“I wanna keep you forever Daryl Dixon. And even that isn’t long enough.” Something in those words touched him in a way very few things do, she could see it in his face, in the way his body tensed and then relaxed into hers as he set the beer bottle aside and put his arms around her.

 

She doesn’t need drawn out declarations of his love for her, not in words because they’re in everything else. His touch, his eyes whenever he looks at her, his smile, his lips on her skin, and the way he gives all of himself to her every single day.

 

She took him by the hand and led him to their bedroom and in just the light from the moon coming through the window, she undressed in front of him slowly and deliberately her eyes on his. Then she took his hand and cupped her breast with it, sighing when he ran his thumb over her nipple.

“I love you, Daryl… let me show you how much.” Curling a hand around the back his neck she pulls him down and simultaneously pushes up on her toes and presses herself against him. And his hands go immediately to her waist, gripping, holding like she might try to get away. 

As if.

Letting her fingers drift down over his back to the hem of his shirt she pulls it up and he helps, lifting his arms so she can get it off. Letting it fall to the floor she runs her hands around the waistband of his jeans until she gets to the button on the front and she undoes it and the zipper and he’s still standing there letting her undress him. 

But.

Lifting her head she looks at him.

“Is this okay Daryl… I didn’t even-” Assuming he’d just want this even though he does she can tell and he’s her husband she wants to treat him with the same respect he treats her with. She wants him to feel like he makes her feel. Cherished.

“Fuck yeah Beth,” he breathes raising a hand to cup her cheek. “ ‘M yers, ya know that.”

She’s his and he’s hers. He takes her hand and moves it back to his jeans, encouraging her to keep going. Which she does and he steps out of his jeans when they fall to the floor at his feet then looks to her, waiting. Biting her lip she runs her finger down the hard line of his sternum gently pushing him back towards the bed.

Straddling his thighs she pushes him back on the bed and looks down at him lying there in just the light from the moon through their window. He can be so aggravating sometimes, he’s set in his ways and won’t budge on a few things, but for her, he’ll bend- to the breaking point even.

Taking his cock in her hand she strokes it- up and down as he rolls his hips to meet her. Leaning over she presses a chaste kiss to his lips. A blonde curl falls forward brushing his cheek and he reaches for it, wraps it around his finger and tugs gently.

 

 

“Yer treatin’ me like I’m made a glass girl... “ his hoarse voice makes her squirm. “I ain’t gonna break.”

 

Licking his lips he groans when she grips him tighter and speeds up her ministrations.

 

“What do you want me to do Daryl? Tell me…” 

 

“Get on… Ride me…” he stutters and his face goes a deeper red. The words are dirty and out of character just a little but if he wants to play…

 

“Gonna be my cowboy Daryl?” she breathes her legs shaking as she moves to get his cock between them. His groan is her answer as she sinks down on him. Rocking her hips forward she doesn't hold back, speeds up like she did with her hand, the rhythmic motions have him clenching his jaw. His growl as he slides his hands up her body to cup her breasts pinches them makes her shiver as she arches into him.

 

“Yeah, jus’ like that Beth… fuck ain’t gonna last… ain’t-” he slams up into her, shuddering as he comes. He slides his hands to her shoulders pulling her down to him. Kissing her brow and cheek. “Ya didn’t come… I want- can’t be good fer me unless it’s good fer you.”

 

“It was,  watching you-” But he’s not going to let this go, that’s not how Daryl works. He can’t take without giving and his hand is already between them sliding lower until she feels his fingers spread her open. And with his cock still inside of her, he plays with her swollen clit, circles it with a fingertip prompting her to grind against him.

 

“That’s it girl, want ya ta come with my cock still inside ya... “ The things he’s saying and what he’s doing to her send her over the edge and her orgasm hits her all at once and she’s crying his name against his chest.

 

She feels his chest expand beneath her and his sigh is a satisfied sound that fills her up. She starts to move and her wraps his arms around her, reaches for the sheets and covers them up.

 

“Don’t go nowhere. Stay here. Jus’ like this.” She can do that. Tilting her head so she can see his profile she runs her finger along the hard muscle in his jaw, back and forth softly easing the tension he always holds there until his even breathing lulls her and her hand falls to his chest and she sinks into sleep with him.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Summer came and the sun chased away the last of the cool days. They’re building the barn. A place for a horse and his bolt making supplies and a loft. Having all of this is still new to him and sometimes scary until he looks at Beth and thinks of the future they have here, stories they’re already telling each other of how it’s gonna be. She makes it easier to believe that he deserves all of it, that it’s really theirs.

 

With Rick and Merle’s help and a little from Abe, they were able to knock it out in three days. It’s not a huge barn. There are only two stalls. And the tack area where Daryl plans on storing his crossbow stuff isn’t huge either. They didn’t want anything big. Just enough room for what they need and it turned out just like he imagined.

 

“How the hell did you end up with such an amazing best friend?” He and Rick are in the newly finished loft, legs dangling from where they’re sitting. Daryl lets that sink in, best friend. It’s never been said out loud but always assumed, at least by him.

 

“I was wonderin’ the same thing… Yer place is next. Gotta resurface that garage floor.” 

 

“We’ll get around to that. First, we’re taking that fishing trip up north. And before you get all weird ya ain't’ leaving your girl behind… I already asked her to come too. Michonne took time off and Carl can just have a long weekend.”

 

“Got it all figured out,” Daryl says glancing over at Rick. His best friend.

 

“Yep.”

 

“I ‘ppreciate all yer help man.”

 

“And I appreciate the food. Gained at least ten pounds,” Rick says patting his stomach. “Seriously though you don’t have to thank me. We got each other. And I don’t know how I ended up with such an amazing best friend either.” Daryl nods, still unsure sometimes of what to say in these situations, but like Beth, Rick gets it and it’s never awkward or weird. 

 

A horn honks outside of the barn and Daryl drains his beer. Merle’s bringing bales of straw over in his truck so they can fill up the loft. He told them all it was so Beth can come up here and read or whatever. But that’s not why he’s in such a hurry.

 

It’s almost the Fourth of July and there’s a loft in their barn. 

 

_ And every fourth of July we can sleep in it…  _

 

They’ll sleep. Eventually.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“Beau Dixon! If you set off one more firecracker you’re spending the day and night in your room!” Carol yells out the backdoor as Beth crosses the lawn to the house with a big paper bag in her arms.

 

“But mama it’s the fourth! We’re jus’ celebratin’!”

 

“They’re dangerous! Take the rest of them to your father right now!”

 

“But he gave ‘em ta us!”

 

Carol looks at Beth and Beth gives her an apologetic smile.

 

“This is what I deal with! My husband is a big kid! Go on in Beth, I need to have a talk with Merle…” Still muttering Carol heads to the shop and Beth goes into the house and the kitchen where Sophia is cutting up watermelon. 

 

“Hi, Beth!”

 

“Hey, Sophia. What are you-” Sophia’s phone rings, and she grabs it waving at Beth as she runs out of the kitchen. Beth hears her giggle as she answers.

 

“Hi, Carl.”

 

She stopped trying to keep track of exactly what Sophia and Carl were months ago. From what it sounds like Carl is clueless when it comes to girls and hearing that made Merle and Daryl both happy. For now. Because it won’t last.

 

Beth brought veggies to cut up and she searches the drawers for a knife and cutting board. She’s rinsing off the broccoli when Carol comes back in.

 

“My husband…” she says shaking her head. “At least Daryl had nothing to do with those firecrackers… he’s got some sense lucky you.” Beth smiles and reaches for the knife.

 

“Where’d Sophia go?” Carol asks looking around. Beth freezes.

 

“Oh, she had a call…” Carol looks at her pointedly. “Carl.” 

 

“Firecrackers, boys… I want my sweet little ones back! Not these tweens and teens!” Beth tries not to smile but she can’t help it. “You wait, you’ll see. Actually, you and Daryl will probably have perfect kids, sweet and kind and quiet…” Carol says as she heads down the hall yelling at Sophia.

 

Perfect kids. Maybe one day.

 

She finishes the veggie platter and takes things out to the picnic table before heading back to the cabin. Daryl’s just getting out of the shower when she comes into the bedroom. She smiles at him and resists the urge to touch him, run her fingers through his damp hair and trace the drops as they roll down his chest.

 

They just have to get through today and then they’ll make their excuses and instead of coming back here they’ll go climb the ladder to the loft in the barn.

 

Opening the closet Beth reaches for the quilt on the highest shelf and even on her tiptoes, her fingers can barely brush it.

 

She feels him come up behind her and he presses into her as he reaches up and takes the blanket down.

 

“Need this,” he murmurs. All she can do is nod. They have an active sex life but sometimes it’s desperate- the wanting. And maybe it just stems from what they have planned for later.

 

Whatever it is, it’s driving her crazy to be so close to him and afraid to touch yet because… well, they have those plans. He steps away from her when she takes the blanket but he’s still right there smelling like soap and water, making her dizzy.

 

“You look really good,” she breathes. His eyes travel the length of her body and when he bites his lip she knows she needs to get out of the bedroom or they’re going to end up in bed or on the floor or the chair by the window.

 

“Yeah? Think ya got me beat in that fuckin’ dress... “ He bought her the little white sundress. Saw it in a shop when Rick was picking up a special order for Michonne and on a whim he bought it and she was in love with it from the moment she saw it.

 

“You picked it out and I- it makes me feel pretty.” 

 

“Pretty- yer fucking hot in it... And ya better get outta here or I can't be held responsible for the things I might do.” Backing away from him as he reaches for her she turns and runs her heart pounding. Not from fear, but anticipation. 

 

They stayed close to everyone. It was safer that way even though their eyes inadvertently strayed to where the other was unless they were standing close then there were touches, hands brushing, hips bumping, soft excuse me’s. He was even brazen enough to whisper in her ear when they were serving themselves plates full of salad and fruit and ribs dripping in barbecue sauce.

 

“Wanna take that dress off of ya…” Her soft laughter belied the fact that underneath that dress it wasn’t just sweat that was making her wet.

 

She held the twins while they paddled in the baby pool Maggie set up. And he gave Abbi and Claire rides on the quad loving the fact that they had no fear and only wanted their uncle to go over the big bumps.

 

They sat with Hershel and talked about his upcoming trip to Chicago to meet Glenn's family. Daryl promised to help Otis keep an eye on the farm.

 

Beth helped with clean up and Daryl carried fireworks out to the pond with Rick and Carl.

 

When the sparklers came out Beth couldn’t help ducking into the circle of Daryl’s arms twirling the little stick that lit up their faces. She drew hearts in the air and if anyone else noticed they were oblivious to it. 

 

The sky is turning purple and the kids are all sitting at the edge of the pond as Merle lights of the first of the fireworks. They cheer and clap and Merle keeps the entertainment coming. He’s in his element and it reminds Beth of the ringmaster at the circus. That could be Merle.

 

“Anybody need another beer, water?” Michonne asks. And Beth knows this is her chance. 

 

“Sure I’ll take a beer.” Daryl looks over at her eyebrows raised. But she just smiles and sips the beer. She takes a couple more drinks then pushes the beer into Daryl’s hands and jumps up.

 

“Beth!” She hears him call as she runs off to the other side of the pond where no one is sitting enjoying Merle’s show and makes a show of her own leaning over and pretending to heave the contents of her stomach into the grass. He’s there beside her as she stands up wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

 

“Ya okay? Whas’ wrong?” His concern is sweet and it’s even better knowing he has nothing to worry about.

 

“Shhh… I’m okay. We needed an excuse right?” He chuckles softly and slides an arm around her waist.

 

“Thas’ my girl…”

 

Making excuses for her upset tummy and maybe it was something she ate or just a mix of everything they say goodnight to everyone and do their best to walk slowly towards home. But they make a detour and head towards their little barn.

 

They’re both breathless as they race to get their first and she knows he let her win as she climbs the ladder.

 

“Wait down there Daryl, just for a minute.” Crawling across the quilt that she already spread over the straw she reaches for the mason jars with tea lights that she brought up earlier. 

 

Flameless tea lights.

 

“Can I come up?” She can already hear his feet on the ladder. Poking her head over the edge of the loft she smiles at him.

 

“Yes..” The loft is bathed in candlelight as he climbs up and just like their first time in the loft on the farm the walls are lit up by the fireworks from the pond.

 

There’s also a couple of pillows, another blanket, and a water bottles. His eyes are drawn to the mason jars and he picks one up and smiles.

 

“No more barn fires,” she whispers. He sets the glass jar down and reaches for her.

 

“Com’ere girl.”

 

They kiss and undress simultaneously and foreplay is really unnecessary since it’s been going on all day in one way or another. At least for her. Daryl confirms that he was feeling the same way when he pushes his jeans over his hips and his cock springs forward hard and a deep purple in color.

 

“Had me hard all day teasin’ me and thinkin’ ‘bout this Beth.” She pushes his hand down between her legs so he can feel what it’s done to her, the teasing and the waiting.

 

“Me too,” she breathes into the crook of his neck.

 

“Damn girl! You been wet like this all day?” When she nods he lifts her up and tosses her gently onto the quilt.

 

“First time’s gonna be fast… but we got all night- we got…” He’s inside her and loses the ability to do anything but seek out the release they’ve both been waiting for all day.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

“So our anniversary is coming up..” It’s been a few hours. They’re naked and wrapped up in each other. The fireworks are over and judging by the absences of voices and laughter everyone has gone home. If they stopped to check up on Beth they didn’t go any further than the house. Which is a good thing. Stretching he yawns. 

 

“ ‘S over two months away.” One year already. It's going fast and he doesn’t want it too. He wants to stay like this forever. Well almost like this.

 

“I know but I was thinking… we don’t need presents. For real. But if you want to go somewhere, do something you like, it has to be about you this time.” Her eyes are sparkling and she’s really into this he can see it. And he’s not going to try and talk her out of it. Because there is something… something he can ask her for now.

 

They can take a drive, go away for the weekend, but this, he’s gonna ask this now.

 

It's about him, that’s what she said.

 

“I- uh, I got something I wanted…” he’s a little nervous asking and it’s more to do with him that what she’ll say. 

 

“What is it? Anything. If I can do it I’ll do it, I’ll-”

 

“ ‘S ‘bout having a baby.” The only sound he can hear is his own heart pounding. And frogs somewhere down by the pond.

 

“A baby? Like.. now?”

 

“Nah... I jus- we said a few years, but- Two years. You’ll be done with school and I’ll bust ass until then so ya don’ gotta work or nothing and-” Maybe this was a stupid idea but he’s been thinking about Glenn and Oliver and he wants to know what it feels like to look at a child and see himself there, all the good parts, all the best parts. But if she’s not sure yet, not ready-

 

“Yes.” It takes a second for the word to register in his brain and for him to connect it with his question.

 

“Yeah?” She said yes, he asked and she said yes just like that. Rolling over on his back he stares at the ceiling of the barn, the small heart on the beam that he burned there with a soldering gun so every time she came up here she’d see it.

 

“Yeah. I’ll stop taking my pills cause it can take a few months for my body to- Daryl?” Her hand is on his chest and she’s peering in his face worry etched on her brow.

 

“Ya sure?” Maybe she didn’t hear him, thought he asked for something else...

 

“I said if I could… I’m sure. I wanna make you a daddy if that’s what you want.” Her chin is on his chest and there are tears on her cheeks and this must be some kind of fucking alternate universe… because she just told him she’d give him a baby and it’s like falling in love with her all over again.

 

It’s also not something that happens to guys like Daryl Dixon- that’s what he used to think anyway. He used to think a lot of stupid shit and Beth has single-handedly proved him wrong over and over.

 

He rolls her over in the hay and kisses her everywhere until she breathless from laughing and he’s about ready to start balling.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

The calendar says they’re on the backside of summer but the weather and future predictions indicate summer is sticking around for a while. Indian summers have become the norm and she’s quite alright with that. Summer could go on forever and she wouldn’t complain.

 

This weekend they’re alone. Everyone’s off on their last of the summer trips before school starts and autumn comes. Even her daddy. He flew to Chicago with Glenn an Maggie and the twins. 

 

Daryl’s got his bike out and he’s working on it and she sees him, out of her peripheral vision as he pulls off his shirt and glances in her direction.

 

He thinks he’s being sly. He doesn’t realize that she’s figured out his little game. They always tease each other, more her than him but after their night in the loft, he’s amped up his game.

 

Since it is just them when he straddles the bike to rev the engine she scurries over stepping around the tools spread haphazardly on the ground surrounding the bike and climbs on behind him pressing herself up against him and runs her hands over his arms and chest.

 

“Whada ya doin’ girl? I’m a damn sweaty mess!” His attempt at sounding irritated is half-hearted and the way he leans back into her makes her sigh.

 

“You keep teasing me, Daryl… you’re just being mean is all.” He laughs and takes her hand and slides it lower until she feels what she’s doing to him.

 

“Wanna go fer a ride?” His voice is husky and it makes her tingle all over. 

 

“Right here? On the bike?” She feels him shiver when she squeezes the hardness beneath her hand. Groaning he pushes her hand away.  

 

“Not that kinda ride. I need ta take the bike out.” Kissing his shoulder she slides off the bike and looks down at her cutoffs and the back up at his bare chest.

 

“We might need to put on some clothes.” 

 

“Mmm hmm.” Slapping her on the butt he heads into the house and she follows him. 

 

The bike is ready to go, his crossbow and her guitar are strapped to the back. When she comes out dressed with her backpack that she tossed some snacks into he’s waiting with their helmets. Smiling at the bike she looks up at him.

 

“We doing more than just riding?”

 

“I’unno. Always gotta be prepared fer anything,” he says rolling up a blanket and tucking behind the seat.

 

An adventure, that’s what they’re going on. It doesn’t matter where or what they do. And maybe he has a plan, she doesn't care as long as they’re together.

 

“Ya ready?” he asks slipping his vest on and holding her helmet out to her.

 

The sun, blue skies, and riding behind Daryl on the bike, yes she’s ready.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Any reason to get on his bike and go is a good one as far as he’s concerned. Having Beth on the bike behind him with his crossbow and her guitar makes it even better.

 

This is what makes life worth living. These are the moments that matter. He gave the bike a tune-up and he could probably just ride it out to the road and back to satisfy himself that everything is in working order or he can do this.

 

And this just feels right.

 

He takes the bike in the same direction she went that afternoon she took off on her own running from herself and finding out that sometimes you can only go so far on your own. He bypasses the first turn she took and heads toward the wild away from the farms and the fields and into the trees that slowly but surely swallow the road.

 

The sunlight is a bright, winged thing flashing through the trees as they ride. He wonders what she thinks about as they fly over the asphalt. Where does her mind go? Every time he glances in the mirror she’s smiling and maybe she’s just singing in her head like she does sometimes. That makes him feel good and then he’s thinking about her and the place he’s taking her where the river winds through the trees and there’s a rope swing tucked away waiting for the ones who know where to find it.

 

Rick brought him out here to fish once and when they’d exhausted all their patience waiting on a bite they’d pulled off their sweat-soaked clothes and in just their boxers they’d taken turns on the rope swing. Boys in the bodies of men shedding their inhibitions for a little while.

 

The self- consciousness he’d felt in front of Beth in regards to his scars was something else with Rick. It was like showing the ugliest parts of himself, daring Rick to do something, say something, anything- react. Which he hadn’t and Daryl had offered up a simple truth,  _ Ya know what I come from.  _ Rick knew and it never mattered before. So proof of it in the form of scars hadn’t mattered either.

 

Beth’s touch still does things to him. But it’s her and she's doing more than touching when she puts her hands and lips on his scars. She heals them over and over, loving the parts of himself that he always hated, making him see that those are the parts that make him strong-  still do. Just without quite as much pain.

 

It’s about an hour out and by the time he steers the bike off the road and into the shade of the trees he can feel the sweat on his face from the helmet and on the back of his shirt where Beth was pressed up against him. She pulls off her helmet and brushes back the tendrils of hair stuck to her flushed face.

 

“Where are we?” He notices the small smile on her face as she looks around at their surroundings. There’s no road. Not even a worn path unless you really look. Unstrapping his bow and handing her the guitar he grabs the blanket and starts through the tall grass a haze of heat above it making it shimmer. Magic.

 

“Com’on,” he says and leads the way. The intake of her breath as they step out of the shelter of the trees and find the river, sun reflecting off the lazy ripples is how he felt when he came here with Rick.

 

“It’s beautiful,” she says. And it is. Even more so through her eyes.

 

Setting the stuff down in the grass he shrugs off his vest and pulls his t-shirt over his head. His hands are on the button of his fly when she finally turns her attention to him.

 

“What are you doing?” It’s thrilling like they’ve exchanged bodies, him doing something wildly out of character and her standing there staring like she can’t believe what she’s seeing.

 

“ ‘S hot, wanna get in?” his boots follow his jeans and then his socks and the grass under his feet is cool and feels almost as good as her eyes roaming over his body.

 

“Skinny dipping?” she laughs out loud and she’s stumbling around tripping over her feet as she tries to catch up with him. 

 

He hadn’t actually thought this through, at least not to the point of stripping off all of their clothes. But as he makes his way to the hidden rope sink swing he figures what the hell why not? And when he pulls the rope swing out from where it’s hidden behind a tree he lets his boxers fall, kicks them aside and grabs ahold of the rope. Pushing off with his feet he swings out over the golden green river and drops into it with a splash. His big toe barely touches the muddy bottom before he’s kicking back to the surface.

 

There’s no way he’s missing her on that rope swing.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

Daryl’s head breaks the surface, wet hair dark and shiny against his head. She watches as he shakes the water from his eyes and searches the bank and the looks up at the hill where she’s standing holding the rope still mesmerized by what she just witnessed. 

 

All of it.

 

This is her husband. The man whose inhibitions very rarely allow him to be so free- especially this free- She thought for sure he’d keep his boxers on and that would’ve been fine because she wouldn’t want him to be uncomfortable for her.

 

But he chose to do it, strip bare naked and she doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything as beautiful as Daryl on that rope swing. He’s all lean muscle and in her opinion, the scars just give him a wild look, like he’s just a little feral. Especially out here in his element.

 

And maybe that’s it. Out here it’s easier to let go.

 

Taking his lead she shimmies out of her panties and pulls off her tank top. She wasn’t wearing a bra, to begin with, and her nipples tighten in the summer breeze as she reaches up high on the rope and pushes off the ground. 

 

While she’s in the air she arches her back a little, imagines she has wings and then let's go. The water takes her breath away at first as she sinks down into its depths. It’s cool and her skin is hot. Kicking back to the surface she feels Daryl's hand on her arm as he guides her back up to him.

 

Paddling beside him she can’t help the smile that stretches across her face.

 

“That was amazing! How did you find this place?” Sliding his arms around her he pulls her close and the warmth from his slippery body against hers is tantalizing.

 

“Rick brought me out here. Came ta fish but gave up and went swimming.” There are little droplets of water in his eyelashes and she wants to kiss them all away. 

 

“Naked?” she asks curious, in a very odd way, what the answer will be.

 

“Boxers,” he answers and that is still very close to being naked. His scars had to have been showing and it doesn’t seem to be an issue because she’d know if it was. Sometimes she can read him. “Wasn’t hard with Rick, ta be like that. Guess it was you tha’ made it easier fer me.” It can’t be all her. Some of it is him and a whole bunch is Rick. Daryl wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t show the most vulnerable parts of himself to another person unless he felt safe doing so.

 

“Com’on, les’ get out.” Taking her hand they swim to the bank and climb out, bodies dripping as they make their way to the blanket. He wraps it around himself and pulls her into the little cocoon so she can dry off too.

 

“It’s not all me Daryl… you trust him, don’t you? I see it. Michonne too. You guys are good together.” Daryl shrugs and leans down to kiss her collarbone sucking at the hollow of her throat. “Like me and you. Kind of. You fit.” He’s making it hard for her to concentrate the way he’s moving his hands over her body.

 

“Maybe. Can’t do this with Rick though,” he says as he slides a finger into the soft folds of her pussy making her whimper.

 

“Is this what you brought me out here for Mr. Dixon? To have your way with me?” She’s breathless. Holding onto his arm she rocks her hips against his hand and his fingers.

 

“Might’ve. That’ a problem?” he whispers huskily.

 

“No, no it’s not, it’s... But if you keep that up, standing might be.” Sliding his fingers from between her legs he holds them in front of him and they glisten in the sunlight. He puts them in his mouth and sucks them clean and her knees are jello. “Daryl…” He grins at her wickedly knowing full well what that does to her.

 

He spreads the blanket back out on the grass and takes her hand as she kneels beside him.

 

“Lay back,” he murmurs. She does and the way he’s looking at her is heavy but it holds her. “I love you.” That disappearing Southern accent and his eyes and everything he’s trying to say without actually having the words. He’ll make her feel good. Make her body sing so she knows exactly what his I love you means. 

 

Even though she doesn’t need it because she knows.

 

“I love you too Daryl.” His kiss is soft and he takes his time moving down her body after leaving her mouth. She’s got a general idea now of what he intends to do and every nerve in her body is hypersensitive as he kisses a path over her breasts swirls each nipple with his tongue and keeps moving over her belly and mound. 

 

Once he’s between her legs he spreads her open with his thumbs and swipes his tongue the length of her, flicks her swollen clit then seals his mouth over the whole thing sucking, not gentle, not really hard either but the effect it has on her body, her legs are trembling as she arches her back trying to get as close as she can because what he’s doing feels so good. Her orgasm hits her unaware before she expects it and he wraps his arms around her thighs and holds her down so he can push her just that much further until she’s begging him to stop.

 

Moving back up her body he lays a hand on her forehead and smiles down at her. Everything is hazy and she sighs laughs softly and cups his cheek with her hand.

 

“Ya okay?” Her eyes widen a touch as he raises his fingers to his mouth before she gets her hand on his cock that’s pressed up against her hip.

 

“Come up here…” she whispers. He doesn’t waste any time moving back between her legs and lining himself up. He thrusts into her and groans, rests his forehead in the crook of her neck doing his best to hold back a little until she wraps her legs around his waist and bucks up to meet him. Raising his eyes to hers the pupils are blown wide open. 

 

She loves him like this, loves them like this.

 

“Jesus Beth! ‘M gonna come,” he breathes as he stutters his hips against her body and this time she’s the one holding him with her eyes and her hands. His breathing erratic he sags above her trying not to let his full weight rest on her even though she’s told him time and again he’s not too heavy.

 

He won't do anything that might hurt her. How can she ever give back what he gives her? No matter how hard she tries she’s never going to be able to love him more.

 

She did promise him a baby though. She’s the only one that can give him that and just knowing that eventually, she will makes her incredibly happy.

 

“Why ya smiling? I do a good job?” he asks nipping at her jaw and kissing the marks he leaves behind.

 

“The best... Like you always do Daryl.” 

 

Even if life isn't a fairytale, what they have comes close. At least for her, it does and she’s pretty sure he feels the same way. This is what she wants the rest of their life together to be like- an adventure, a trip to a river with a rope swing, her mouth on his soft and sweet, his body lean and hard beneath hers and a love that rivals all the fairytales that ever ended, ‘and they lived happily ever after’ because theirs is real.

 

**xxxxXxxxx**

 

They stopped off at the farm on their way back to feed the horses and check the water in the chicken coop. They do it together, holding hands. It's silly but she doesn't want to let go of him right now and he’s got a pretty good grip on her too. 

 

When the animals are done they climb the steps on the front porch and Beth reaches in to turn on the light. When she turns from the door he’s looking at her and he reaches over and tucks an errant lock of hair behind her ear.

 

“Didn’t know what home was until I met you, Beth. Now I got it all, everything I ever wanted.” She steps in closer to him and slides her arms around his neck. 

 

“Me too Daryl… you’re my home.”

 

_ ~fin _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **It’s incredibly hard to let this one go. But it finally feels like it’s time. Not everyone will like where we ended but I have a few follow-up one-shots already in the planning stages that you just might enjoy. This part of the story has been told though and I hope it made you as happy as it’s made me! It’s taught me so much about writing in general and it’s the reason my original novel is even possible! Let me know what you think and thank you to all of you who came along and read as I wrote. I know who you are! If you joined at a later date or even if you read this in the near future... Thank you to you also!**

**Author's Note:**

> **Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think! Please comment! It means a lot!**


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